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Bless you. I also have another RU-vid Channel, I just started: Good Orderly Direction | Practical Bible Study ru-vid.com/show-UCYYJCD94NU3_qdbkSEyHLrg Please consider liking and subscribing.
This is great! As a young person, the idea of setting boundaries in relationships seemed like withholding love from a partner or friend. The more I learn, I see it’s not unfair or unloving to have boundaries. My pet cat lets me know her boundaries every day. She likes to sit on my lap, but not being picked up and carried around. When I respect her boundaries, she knows she can trust me, and we become closer. My mom now has dementia, and I have to remind her not to walk into the bathroom or start a conversation with someone who is lying in bed at 3am, with their eyes shut. Everyone has boundaries that need respecting. ❤
Yes, we all have boundaries. The goal of setting and keeping boundaries in relationships is keeping our loved ones in our life, while respecting our thoughts, wants and needs. What tips from the video will you use first to set and maintain boundaries in relationships?
My partner has a very poor boundary line and always engaged in invading my personal private space. He would also gaslight me, name call me and take advantage of my sexually and financially. Everything he seemed to hate about me, my ethnicity, nationality, religion, music, choice of cloth and food. I am not sure why he even wanted to be with me. He even went to our landlady and told her personal things about me. He had a problem with all his relationships and almost bankrupted them, harassed them and abused them. It took me a while to get out of this because I grew up in an unsupported environment and had no self-education. I am finally letting go of the abusive invasive cohabitation.
I’ve been in abusive relationships with two people who said they loved me, but seemed to hate everything about me, and everything I did/liked/wore, etc. Now, I take much more time before moving in with anyone. I don’t move in unless I have my own financial resources, and am able to control them (have my own income, bank account, not just shared, etc.). I make sure I have enough savings to leave, if it’s not going well. It was having to ask someone else for money for gas, groceries, medicine, or classes, that made me feel I couldn’t assert my boundaries. I’ve been with my current partner for 9 1/2 years, and now we trust each other and share resources. It’s when first living together that it’s common to find a partner has a VERY different vision of how time, space, and money should be shared than I do. It’s also important to know you deserve to assert boundaries, and have them respected. Especially when leaving an abusive home or relationship, some time to heal and discover our boundaries is important! I wish abused kids are young people, in general, got more guidance with this! I wasted a lot of my life “going along with” a partner. That’s not a relationship…it’s a dictatorship.
Thank you so much for this! My therapist neglected to ask me why I am afraid to set boundaries, and instead she kept pushing me to set them and communicate them and I just got angry with her. If can sort out why I am so afraid to set them, I will be ok. I have the skills to be assertive and manage conflict, but to just plow through the fear is not gonna happen.
I wish there had been boundaries that were understood. . My SO didn´t say no, but did everything just because she thought she wasn´t loved. She gave me hell and I was always very soft and hurt. We fought alot
Very, very good presentation! I never had boundaries until I was in my 50's. I can now say at age 64, I feel like I finally succeeded in mastering " my boundaries". Not having hardly any throughout my adult life has caused a great deal of pain because I didn't know when to say no or when to say stop. Many, many decisions were the wrong decisions and caused life changing situations that were devastating. Thank you, Dr Snipes for covering this to where it's understandable!
Very good presentation👍🏼 Do you have another one with examples of telling boundaries to others? And how can I calm myself down if I get so much axcious or agressive?
As an ACoA who also had childhood epilepsy and took a high dose of Depakote to manage my seizures, I struggle with emotional regulation, boundaries, and feeling like my emotions and thoughts are not okay as well as stuffing my feelings and opinions in order to people please and keep the peace. Do you have any advice or resources that could help?
I have some advice. Realize your emotions and thoughts do matter and listen to this video repetitively until you can see that there are ways to assert yourself to others and create boundaries to protect yourself.
I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it? Other videos you might be interested in can be found at ru-vid.comsearch?query=boundaries
I did not know that safety was about boundaries. I guess I am looking for my safe place. I have been told to "go to my safe place" but I am still finding it and have a hard time bringing it up on cue. But boundaries are a form of love I need where I can begin to feel safe. And the loss of safety apparently came from others crossing my boundaries, using, blaming and discarding me. I want to create a beautiful safe family scene in my head and grow up again there.
Sometimes I feel like I am a baby bird and you are feeding me things I desperately need, but with EDUCATION... and you want me to grow up to be beautiful, independent person on their way to self-actualization. 💟
A friend of mine is dating a woman who emotionally manipulated her way into being at his mom's assisted death, her funeral (a sacred and Indigenous ceremony) and then took a photo of her ceremonial box and put it on her social media even after she asked and he said no. He is still with her and I even before he told me this I mentioned to this she seemed like a virtue signaller and attention seeking. They are both 52. I hope he eventually gets her out of his life but I know he is lonely. He refuses to tell her to get some help as he said that he is not there to fix her. I personally would rather be lonely than be with someone like her.
I had a partner who wanted to write a book about my abuse story, which I had asked them never to share. That was the first thing I said, when asked about the abuse, “As long as you don’t ever share this with anyone else, I will tell you.” I got involved too fast, and I would find out my story had been publicly shared, even published. I wasn’t ashamed of the abuse, but it was my story to share, when and if I chose. The abuser was still stalking me, and fed on the attention and publicity, worsening the problem. It was a nightmare! I’m saddest for my ex, who had many interesting qualities and stories, and could have written about those, but clearly didn’t know it. Major boundary violations should never be ignored. I understand why abuse victims are afraid to make a stand. We all deserve to be free of abusive control, and set boundaries.
That’s a terrible violation! My dad was Blackfeet, and this is why some cultural practices are not open to the general public. If they fail to appreciate the sacredness of ceremonies, a lot of damage can be done. Even if your friend’s partner didn’t have bad intentions, she should have listened with the family tried to draw a boundary.
@@sciencenotstigma9534 Yes, she should have. I have ended my friendship with him. I didn't' feel that I should stay in touch with him any longer since it could caret problems over time. I hope they sort things out and he finds some happiness.
I have tried 3 times to set a boundary with a long-term friend. I wind up being ghosted and, unless I apologize and continually explain, I get ghosted. I eventually get an excuse that is put on me. There is no acceptance of my boundary being crossed no matter how nicely I state it, or how abruptly. The response is the same... The silent treatment. This is the third time this has happened and I feel I'm done with this relationship. By the way, we're both in our late '60s early '70s.
I am sorry your friend doesn’t want to respect your boundary. Please feel free to use my AI to learn more tips on setting boundaries, how to deal with being ghosted and to search for videos in the video library: allceus.com/AskDocSnipes
We all cross them jus be. Now I off to enjoy not media time It ok to do this jus be. Sending good energy Mindful living or where it at and gratitude ! Improve everything is what my ma tried hard to in Still in me Gn readers. Love ❤️ you I love media but gotta live. Life go by fast
Thank you for reaching out with your question about the difference between manipulation and accidental boundary crossing. I understand that navigating interpersonal dynamics can be challenging, and it's essential to have clarity on these distinctions. Manipulation and accidental boundary crossing are two distinct behaviors, and here's how they differ: Manipulation: Manipulation involves intentional efforts to influence or control someone else's thoughts, emotions, or actions for personal gain or advantage. The manipulator may use various tactics, such as guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or emotional coercion, to achieve their desired outcome. The intention behind manipulation is to meet their own needs without considering the well-being of the other person. Accidental Boundary Crossing: Accidental boundary crossing, on the other hand, is an unintentional action that involves overstepping someone's boundaries without any premeditated intent to cause harm or control. It can happen due to a lack of awareness, misunderstanding, or misjudgment of the other person's boundaries. In such cases, the individual may not have intended to harm or manipulate the other person but may have inadvertently done so due to a lack of understanding. How to tell the difference: Distinguishing between manipulation and accidental boundary crossing can be challenging, but a few key factors may help: Intent: Assess whether the person's actions seem to have a clear motive or if they genuinely appear unaware of the boundaries they crossed. Pattern: Consider if the behavior is a one-time occurrence or if there is a history of similar actions from the individual. Communication: Openly communicate with the person involved to understand their perspective and clarify intentions. Honest and open dialogue can help determine if it was accidental or manipulative.
Thank you for watching the video. I'm grateful to be of service. If you are in need of assistance regarding continuing education or obtaining a certification, please feel free to email support@allceus.com. Also, you can use my AI to more for FREE on all things mental health allceus.com/AskDocSnipes
