Boundaries - The R Spot - Season 3 - Episode 9 

This applies to friendships. Setting boundaries will turn off alot of people around you but the TRUE friends are the ones who will understand and respect those boundaries.

Setting boundaries frees those that aren't truly for your good... ✌ 💘

People do what we allow/tolerate. In early years, I did not set boundaries, I accepted poor treatment , I didn't know how value/love me. I use to have constant coversations with God, asking why was I treated in certain manner by some? God express to me the I was responsible for how others treated me. Over a period of time, I began to mature in this area, I began to set boundaries. Once I advised of my standards, if violated, I walk after a second offense, I will put space between us until honored or forever if necessary!!! People should never be important to the extent that, you love others more than self. Love your self enough to take a permenant walk when you're not valued/respected/appreciated/ accepted for who you are!!!!!!

Boundaries have helped me SO much. I used to be a people pleaser and it was EXHAUSTING.

I really need to hear this every morning until it sinks in. I am so concerned about hurting other people's feelings when I know for sure that they couldn't be bothered about how I feel. When someone hurts me, I often don't tell them because I don't want them to be sad or feel hurt by me. It makes absolutely no sense I know. But I'm really trying to change and this video's got me thinking about a lot of things. Thank you Iyanla.

“When you don’t set boundaries, it teaches what people thing you of and most importantly what you think of yourself”

Is it just me but do anyone wish they had her direct phone number, just to talk about your current situation

She just explained boundaries so well and in depth that it makes so much sense.

Listening to this, I can see why having parents that actually protected you is so important. This is so hard to do if you've never been protected and have effectively had to protect yourself from your own caregivers, from the disappointment, the pain, the loneliness. You either have "walls", as opposed to boundaries, or it's just open season because you're allowing everyone to get in.

I just had to do this today. I am dating and put up a boundary and the other person wasn't with it. That's ok I feel good about me and that is more important than anything else!!!

Lay them boundaries down early and stand by them. If they love and care and you they will respect it and abide by them. If not let them GO😃

As a beaten down woman I find solace and glory in your words

Boundaries are important. I have to start enforcing mine.

Boundaries are so important. I learned this year's ago. You can't let people disrespect or stress you out. I've had to create a few over the years and I will continue. Certain types of people do not deserve all of your energy and time. I'm all about clarity.

You can love someone and simultaneously acknowledge that a person who does not have boundaries and does not respect yours, is simply not SAFE for you.

When u set boundries for yourself people tell you that you've changed and are acting different..well im setting boundries for MY LIFE because it is mine to live and if they cant accept them, they can choose to remove themselves from my life or find a way to respect them to be in my life.

She is a well evolved Virgo! Love her. I’m sure she had one hell of a journey to be where she is in her spirit to help others get aligned! Just God all around her!

I needed this message my soon to be ex husband does not respect or honor my boundaries. I realize I must be clear, set consequences, and be prepared to act on them.

I have a lot of respect for your wisdom and knowledge!

Boundaries have saved my life and my sanity ❤

Finally! " A how to" clearly inform others of your boundaries with calm energy & respect. Really helpful when used examples becuase I had no clue how to approach it without feeling defensive. Excellent tutorial :0)

This is absolutely beautiful. I’m so glad that a friend of mine shared these videos with me, and now I have meetings with Iyanya in my spirit when I meditate. So much wisdom.

I have a temper that most times I can’t be calm. I realized by watching this that people resist and fight back when the energy received is negative. There’s a way to speak and not to speak to people. At times when we reach the height of being overly upset, it’s hard to find the calmness until the temper is gone. I’ve been a people pleaser all my life. I now have a better more direct understanding of creating my boundaries and that it is ok. I am important. If they respect you enough they will fix it. I love this woman. Stay blessed people!!!!

Right on time Ms Iyanla I have been setting boundaries with my neighbour friend and had to set a distance between us as she just kept sending her 2 girls over my house almost everyday and i have a 7year old and a new born. Our relationship has changed hugely because of it but i am more peaceful now! Some thinhs2 have tp.change for ur sanity

Going through a divorce because I did not set boundaries. I WILL set boundaries now that we are co-parenting. Thank you so much and God's blessings to you as you are such a blessing to others.

Expect, allow, accommodate, and tolerate - boundaries keep you safe! Yup (self love is the best love;stand your ground)

Thank you!! My mother has been crossing my boundaries for awhile now and I'm finally going to address this

I'm interested in attending these workshop weekends, because I'm so ready to advance the emotional work on myself. I wonder if they are only for women or open for men also.

I needed to hear this lesson today. I compromise one of my boundaries for a friend of nearly 30 yrs. She asked me to make her a hip hop CD of cursing which I call the devil's playlist. After going back & forwards with her for 15 min, I gave in to her request, but was not happy. She could not grasp my point of view. I told her whatever or who has your ear have influence & garbage in garbage out. So, she played the friend card on me, so I told her I would do this just once. Now I'm kicking myself for going against my standards. As a Christian I know better, but I still accommodated her wishes. As of today I will set & announce my new & old boundaries with a stick-to-itiveness. Thanks! Just the insight & the kick I needed.

Thanks Iyanla for confirming my decision to set boundaries long ago...people think I 'm mean . Two days ago I was feeling particularly sad and made a video journal of my feelings and I said the same thing. Your confirmation was a blessing!

You are the highest authority on you 🙏🏽

This is a word in due season for me. I've been abstinent for the past 22 years and have had a real problem getting "Christian men" to stop trying to drag me back into sexual sin. Thank you for this posting. It's a reminder to stand my ground with the men I run into.

I was so excited when I saw 25minutes cause I never get tired listening to you. Thank you so much for helping me in my life journey💗

This helped so much that I've written down my values, beliefs and my boundaries. I am truly clear now! yes. I feel powerfilled again

your advices are the essence of many books about boundaries - thank you ANGEL ON EARTH

Watching this video is so big for me! I realize that I have actually celebrated not having boundaries all my life... it's time for change. Thank you!

Thank you for this information. I never knew how to recognize why i was feeling so depressed. Everything that this episode has mentioned is how i have been for the past 25 years. Thank you for allowing me to see what i was doing wrong

Excellent vid! My boundaries were stripped in my childhood so as an grown person, learning too set them has been my biggest Challenge but my voice is getting stronger! And setting boundaries in my life now are very important to me in any relationship that I have whether it is with family my husband and children coworkers

I love the way she explains things it helps me alot

Ok, this is on repeat!!! This was so beautifully articulated. Thank you Iyanla- continued love,peace and blessings.

This is very insightful, if I have children(I am in my 20's so I have some time before I have kids) I hope these videos are still around because I definitely would make my kids watch them. It will sure help in building self worth and understand what one will and will not accept in his/her life.

Thank you for these! Thank you for sharing this! I have ALWAYS ignored and not established boundaries in my relationships and now I am and the power I have make me feel so free.

So good to gain all these methods and knowledge while working on myself solo. Ms. Iyanla your wisdom, books and teachings are so appreciated! Thank you!

Man I wish you were here right now in my life. I'm very proud that I stood strong in my boundaries against my ex. He was very disrespectful he crossed the boundaries against what he did after we broke up. He was trying to get involved with my present relationship. Nope I'm glad I told him that's unacceptable

Very good information. I have started years ago setting boundaries but this made me realize they have to be reinforced alittle bit more.

You can't establish boundaries if you don't first believe that you deserve them.

Ms Iyanla i love you so much for your surport and knowledge u r really giving me the wisdom and overstanding that i need to create a happy and healthly life .. THANK YOU

boundaries are definitely needed in a marriage for respect for each other

I LOVE IT "WOLF TICKETS"...

Learning everyday. Im also learning to set boundaries i hadnt previously set for myself. I have to tell you feels good.

This was EXCELLENT!! My 50 yr old brother disrespects my 75yr old mom daily-- why? She never set boundaries. She loves him too much and allows him to yell at her and belittle her. But i agree with Iyanla i will not allow elders to be disrespected in my presence--if it continues i will report. No more empty threats. Btw he lives under her roof because he is broke and divorced and mad at the world. But this helped me!! Thank you sister❤

this video is GENIUS - BOUNDARIES are a top life skill, inexistent to CODEPENDANTS unfortunatelly, and the lack of boundaries invite to abuse - THANK YOU IYANLA

Another excellent video Iyanla! Side note: I loved you in Girl's Trip!! When you hit her with 'beloved' after letting her have it, I fell out!!

Your words of wisdom are so profound..a godsend to this world. Thankyou for sharing your gift. Aw btw..lov the shirt😃

Ms.Iyanla said a whole word and sermon on this one! I needed to hear this as I’m dealing with in law issues and setting boundaries!

This was so on point!!! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

Thank you for the example on how to set boundaries. I've often issued idle threats. Now I know how to set real boundaries with consequences. Gurl thanks. The advice that you gave to the spouse is my life. I was writing my thank you. So now I've got tio rewind to see what was said.

Listening to this while going through a break up with one of my soul mates because of cracks caused by a lack of personal boundaries 😢💔

One of the most helpful video on boundaries out there. Thank you very much. Keep up the good work.

if you want happy life remember : your wife is always right hahaha

Ms Iyanla needs an app. For people like me. I need her in my life lol

Iyanla, everytime i comment on any of your social media, my comments are the same. "You're simply the best." Thank you!!!

Boundaries are necessary and essential..

I don't know how I came across this but I'm glad I did. I really just did this and I don't know how. This video is a gift from the heavens for me. Thank you universe

I apply all these lessons to my day to day life and given how articulate I am, I can happily say that all of this is so effective.

Can you imagine. This video was uploaded 5 years back. I saved to watch later about 2 weeks back. I listen to it today and I got the answer to something that has been bothering me, which is not even related to the main topic. Wow!! She really is an Angel.

I'm so glad that I found you and this channel. You are helping me daily.

Thank you for yet another great teaching!

Iam standing on my boundary that's why he ent here.

I have found your advise crucial in changing my thoughts about relationships i think so much more on a deeper level and im enjoying this journey working on myselfand my relationships improving them step by step day by day

I love this! I live my life with boundaries…..but I haven’t in the past! You’re great Iyanla

I needed to hear that. Dont be afraid to set boundaries. Accepting situations that are unacceptable Becoming a chronic victim Wanting to please other at your own detriment. Needed to hear these reminders.

I learned the hard way how to set boundaries. People exhualt forgiveness as if it doesn't exist, and therefore I do not deal with them AT ALL. Now my self worth grows daily. I have learned to love and respect myself. I truly do not need energy that does not eqaully level up to all the work I have put into myself.

I set boundaries and my husband tries to gaslight me but I'm getting better at not allowing that distraction attempt to work and staying focused on reasserting my boundaries and clarifying how they were violated and sticking to what my requirements are in order not to violate said boundaries. I'm so fucking tired of his shit. I feel really good doing something about not putting up with this anymore.

Thanks this is going to be hard, listening to this give me a sinking feeling, but I know it needs to be done.

Everything was explained so nicely with examples. This will help me a lot.

This is the most clear and concise video that I have seen on boundaries, Thanks so much!

IV been a people pleaser for so long. Only because IV been scared off loosing other's. But watching this has helped me alot. Thank you. Going too take your advice.

Sooo well explained. Ive shared with several people whom I know struggle with setting or understanding boundaries or understanding the benefit of them as I used to. I also loved the answer to the question at the end about the husband asking for advice in regards to his wife calling him to evolve. And how men think the answer and women feel it. Beautiful. Iyanla, you have inspired me since my teen years with the TV program Starting Over. I watched it religiously when I was struggling with mental illness and addiction and I've always felt drawn to you. You have such a healing and peaceful energy. Such wisdom. Thank you for all you do. You make such a difference in the world.♡

When my boundaries are not in compliance with I usually stop taking or communing with someone.

Thank you Iyanla. Perfect timing as always xx

wow .....I'll have to change my way of loving myself.....

Thank you for this video. Took notes and will apply it to my Marriage and Family.

So good iyanla I wish I knew these early on

Wish I remembered this during the last few days. Thank you mom Iyanla.

For some people setting boundaries, especially with relatives and family members can be hard, especially if you actually care for them and want to keep them in your life (because at the end of the day, it's not about other people keeping you)........as healthy relationships are about 2 people keeping each other! At no time having the need for others to want you will have anyone disrespect you, as well as will confirm, there's nothing real here! #next. Setting boundaries can be complicated to a immature mind, but when someones mind is mature and understand the intricacies of people and life.............the importance of taking such steps whether with strangers or family will speak volumes once someone experiences the outcome of what it feels like to not set boundaries. Personally I feel, if you're in a relationship of any kind and someone chooses to call you out of your name, boundaries aren't needed..........they have to go. As a union as such isn't in anyway beneficial in planting any kind of healthy seed. Doesn't matter if it is in the near or distant future. Here one would learn how o let go vs, teach someone someone thing they can learn on their own compliments of another experience with another person. As health doesn't come from holding on to poisonous and unhealthy things and bonds

Thank you, I needed these tools.❤

Boundaries are communication that you agree with. 2 people or more about how u feel about different types of situations

How to create boundaries at work ? .. for example: when your boss promised you a benefit but at the end of the year he says that it can't be done P.S. I am mesmerized with your voice and grateful for your advices ( Anca from Romania )

SHARED!!!! 💛💖💛 this is vital information

Oooh, Miss Iyanla!!! BOUNDARIES. Thank you for sharing your wisdom on this subject, the way you break things down is truly a gift, I MUST learn this lesson, I have had problems with boundaries forever!!! I need to watch this a few more times for sure. Question: When meeting someone new, when and how is the correct way to announce your boundaries???

It took me a while to learn and understand this concept. My cycle has become small and peaceful. 💯

It's the wise counsel fot me. Thanks for helping me navigate.

Thank you for sharing your wisdom with me

When the student is ready the teacher will appear. Thank you for this message that I will adopt in my life. I have a 86 year old grandmother who constantly yells and curse me almost on a daily basis. I was recently spending time with her since she recently lost her husband but I recently left her house and went back to my own home. She sees the consequences of her bad behavior now. Thanks again for this powerful vedio.

You are a blessing Miss Vanzant.

I lobe her so much I feel like she’s saving me

Thank you for your work and this wisdom!💜

I read her books I've read her autobiography she's a Virgo birthday same as my Mom's RIP 9/14..i was in my twenties when I discovered her I actually got to meet her at her book release here in Philly for her book "In the Meantime" we snuck through a side door because the church was Wall to wall packed and a line outside around the corner!! It was my destiny to have met her that day she hugged us and signed my book..the door we walked through led us straight to the STAGE!! We were on stage in the side with her daughter who just smiled at us warmly an allowed us to stay on stage until it was over and get our books signed and hugged her tightly...she is so genuine as was her daughter Gemmia rest in peace!!

Loved this. It helped alot. I now see where I have gone wrong.