BPD Strategies & Techniques for Parents & Partners

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Order The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook by Dr. Fox: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Dr. Fox offers consultation sessions to help you learn more about your BPD:
www.drdfox.com...
This video is going to address issues that often arise when someone you love has BPD. There are things you can do to make their life, and yours easier. Are these magical tricks and tips, no. Are these things that will require you to do and think things differently about the person you love? YES.
One of the greatest challenges for those with BPD is managing the disorder within an environment of stigma. You may know exactly what I’m saying, like trying to find a therapist or a professional to help when that person finds out about the Dx of BPD. BPD is the most successfully treated PD, individuals with BPD can learn how to manage symptom distress and improve interpersonal functioning, and that remission of symptoms is highly likely - in 78-99% of individuals with BPD (research articles are at the end of the comments section).
A personality disorder is just that a disorder, and the personality side of it means that they have developed, over decades in many cases, maladaptive patterns that are destructive to themselves, you, and their life and yours.
Let me tell you the 4 things you can do to help your loved one get to achieve symptom remission?
1. Don’t blame it all on BPD - when your loved one has an emotional instance or reaction, don’t blame it all on BPD.
2. Transparency - Because BPD is based on fear of abandonment, loss, and poor ability to assess situations accurately the loved one needs to be fully transparent.
3. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries - You should not be the receptacle of abuse, but don’t encourage it either.
4. Take care of yourself.
Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 15 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.
He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:
The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD. Available at: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award Winner): goo.gl/BLRkFy
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Silver Award Winner):: goo.gl/sZYhym
The Clinician’s Guide to Diagnosis and Treatment of Personality Disorders: goo.gl/ZAVe9v
Dr. Fox maintains a website of various treatment interventions focused on working with and attenuating the symptomatology related to individuals along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum (www.drdfox.com).
RU-vid: / drdanielfox
Dr. Fox’s website: www.drdfox.com/
Facebook: / appliedpsychservices
Twitter: / drdanieljfox1
LinkedIn: / drdfox
Instagram: / drdfox
Amazon Author’s Page: amazon.com/author/drfox
Videos edited by Emil Christopher: emilchristopheredits@gmail.com
Citations:
Zanarini, M. C., Frankenburg, F. R., Reich, D. B., & Fitzmaurice, G. (2012). Attainment and stability of sustained symptomatic remission and recovery among patients with borderline personality disorder and axis II comparison subjects: a 16-year prospective follow-up study. American Journal of Psychiatry, 169(5), 476-483.
McMain, S., Links, P. S., Guimond, T., Wnuk, S., Eynan, R., Bergmans, Y., & Warwar, S. (2013). An exploratory study of the relationship between changes in emotion and cognitive processes and treatment outcome in borderline personality disorder. Psychotherapy Research, 23(6), 658-673.

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28 сен 2024

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Комментарии : 927

@Nat-hu4gq 4 года назад

Hi my bpd friends. Big hug with love to all 💖💋

@KimPosteryournewpenpal 4 года назад

Big hugs!! 🌸🌸

@Nat-hu4gq 4 года назад

@@KimPosteryournewpenpal ❤🌺🌹 smiles and hugs back

@staciamellendorf7745 3 года назад

Big hugs!!! I could use a BPD friend!!!! No one gets me!!!

@ruckusdisorder1088 2 года назад

I really needed this today thank you.

@5ino3vil 2 года назад

Thank youuuuu

@jamesgerboc 3 года назад

No other channel offers any actionable suggestions when in a BPD relationship. No one else offers hope. Amazing perspective.

@Portia620 2 года назад

I’t didn’t work for me. Maybe his new girlfriend that has a degree in psychology like me. You can’t change people that say they want to change but don’t. He never had time to work on self growth. I think it’s awesome when people work on their self.

@jamesgerboc 2 года назад

@@Portia620 I’m not sure about that either. My ex was involved in 3 “transformation” workshops that was designed by a psychologist. I believe they were developed to “help you become your best self.” Her motto became, “Be bold. Be brave. Be you.” She had no outward sign that she lacked self esteem. In fact, quite the opposite and became one of their coaches. She journaled every sign day. I didn’t read it but it seemed to involve a childhood trauma that she continued to fight. I thought the journal was causing her to relive the trauma and allow it to dominate her life. My point is, her entire focus was on her self, and her growth, mentally and physically, to a point that she was toxic in a relationship. I didn’t try to change her, just understand and love her. But I often wondered if she was a better person prior to her “transformation.”

@ZoeMagnes Год назад

For partners that need help with developing their boundaries, a good resources Dr. Romani's videos on narcissistic abuse. Because sometimes there are reasons why a partner might want to stay in the relationship, but they need really strong boundaries.

@MWRoss Год назад

I have some advice: If your partner has BPD and they drink, run. Do not stay. It is not worth it.

@jamesgerboc Год назад

@@MWRoss Can you explain?

@brettcordes3602 Год назад

My wife and I have read and learned everything we could get our hands on. We have gotten our son all the professional help we could find. We have done absolutely everything we’re been told regarding family therapy. Nothing has improved his behavior. He seems to have no interest whatsoever to lift a finger to help himself. The mental and emotional health…and now physical health…of our family is being destroyed from the inside out. It’s been a nightmare…for 19 years. I now feel the priority should be to protect us from him. It’s time for him to want to get better…we can’t want it more than him.

@victorial8764 5 месяцев назад

Is he on medication? Look up Dr. Josef. So serious. I’m really sorry for all you’ve been through. I pray you have strength today. And more importantly peace. ❤

@nostalgicgirrl6053 4 месяца назад

Comments from parents like you honestly leave me a bit sad and shocked at the same time. I’m an adult child with BPD who’s been in treatment for a couple of years now. I’ve made a lot of progress and achieved moderate (as much one can expect with a debilitating disorder like bpd) academic/career growth, thanks to therapy. Since I was first diagnosed 5 years ago, the only thing my parents have done to “help me” is agreed to sponsor my therapy sessions. I’ll give them due credit and am very grateful for their financial support. However, they haven’t done any of what you mentioned. They don’t acknowledge that I have BPD. They have never initiated a discussion with me from their end. They have never read up on what this disorder is, or the kind of emotional suffering I go through. They haven’t checked out any of the “Family of BPD person” resources I’ve shared with them. My parents have not changed their patterns of emotional invalidation, disrespect of boundaries, and their own toxic domestic environment. I continue to suffer through their invalidating jibes at me while actively trying to heal my wounded psyche. I want to move out and be financially independent from them as soon as I can. My comment seeks to show you that there are different kinds of people with BPD, and that variety extends to parents too.. I guess. Here you are - struggling with your son who seems to have no self awareness of bpd traits, yet you try your best to study his symptoms and treatment. And here I am - A self aware BPD sufferer under long-term treatment who’s coping with her ignorant parents and their abusive dynamic.

@tallooly2007 3 месяца назад

I feel this so much. 20 years + 2 kids born into it.

@Lifetimelearningisbrave 3 месяца назад

You talk about your son getting treatment but until the family addresses its part recovery for any coping/dysregulation disorders (addiction included) doesn’t work. I hope you can reduce your shame and seek help for your issues. It’s quite often parents make one child the family’s “identified patient” to avoid having to admit addictions, marriage issues, or unfelt trauma, grief and resentments. We tend to be the kids who can’t pretend our family is ok and then because we act out due to the amount of stress we carry that the parents unintentionally ignore we are the ones taken to be “fixed”

@cmdlr2575 2 месяца назад

What was you and your wife’s role in causing him bpd? What kind of childhood did he live? What kind of environment did you create for him as a child? Could he have been misdiagnosed? There is also anti-social personality disorder that could be confused for bpd

@hypoflipzy1157 4 месяца назад

Today is Mother’s Day. I woke up early this morning to bake my mom a cake and make her breakfast in bed. She was very greatful then shut her door and turned her light off, and this triggered my fear of abandonment instantly making me feel terrible about myself. These negative thoughts kept compounding and I got very mad. When I came back into the house after a walk (which didn’t calm me down) my dog barked at me and I yelled at him, this caused my mom to come out of her room and scold me for yelling at him. My response was to yell at her “I don’t give a f what day it is, I’m running away” She tried to calm me down and talk through it but I just kept yelling and cussing before storming out. I had no desire to run away the entire time, I have no idea why I did that and it completely ruined her day. I just don’t understand why I reacted that way when I wasn’t mad at her, I now feel like self harming because I feel like this cannot be forgiven, she will forever remember this day for the negatives and the good things were pointless. I just wish I could go one day without screwing everything up.

@kur0myjarer0 4 года назад

You’re the best. I’ll never be tired to say that I wish so much you were my therapist 😭

@Hinatafan4ever666 4 года назад

Honestly, I kind of wish he was my therapist too lol. But I have a good therapist, I just feel overwhelmed. Is your current therapist helping you?

@reginaweems6563 3 года назад

I was really thinking the same thing for the past couple of videos now. I have no therapists. I split with that a long time ago. So for now his videos will have to do. May shorten my installment pain plan that I really didn't know I had🤔😊

@daviddiberto5744 3 года назад

As a parent, I feel helpless and hopeless most days. Thank you for giving me some hope.

@symetrical_broccoli_3382 Год назад

@Rebecca Chapman i second that

@crissieroserose Год назад

i hear you

@johannao.1080 Год назад

As a child in its twenties with BPD, I am glad that especially my mum never gave up on me. And I think nowadays she feels rewarded for that, because all our joint efforts to get the disorder in control actually started to bloom more than ever. Back in time we would argue when I visit her for a day or two. Short time ago I visited her for full two weeks without major trouble. It is the result of very hard work and true love.

@neweyeswideopen 11 месяцев назад

I just got the official diagnosis from Dr for my 19 year old . ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ you just gave another mum some hope. You got this kiddo!!!

@recipehacker9752 5 месяцев назад

Your general points are accurate. However, perhaps the most important suggestion is missing: to motivate the affected individual to assume more personal responsibility for their problems and suffering. One way to do so is to get help. To that end, others can help them find and begin services with treatment groups, psychologists, psychiatrists, NAMI). These patients are best served by teams and that’s great as family and friends benefit from the extra support. In addition, support groups for them exist too!

@m24_4 5 месяцев назад

My husband has recently been diagnosed with 'B cluster traits'. I originally thought he was a narcissist but that didn't seem to fully fit as he has genuine empathy and care for others. Then my friend who is a therapist mentioned BPD to me and it was like a light bulb switched on. Ive been researching like crazy since trying to figure out how I can manage and cope with thisbrelqtuonship whichbis heaven one moment and hell the next. Fortunately my husband is seeking help but he hasn't understood fully or accepted his diagnosis yet and still thinks the problem lies with the people around him triggering him all the time. This video is so helpful and gives me much hope. Thank you. 🙏

@katepavelle9465 3 месяца назад

I also started by researching narcissism but BPD and the ego wound seems to fit better. I wonder how often they occur together?

@cecegrace6764 Год назад

I just want to tell you the way you speak FOR US , means everything to someone like me. Thank you for caring, thank you for you taking the time out your days to make so many videos that are seriously helpful, and positively speaking about recovery

@jennylynnculbertson9086 Год назад

It's life saving

@RaysDad 4 года назад

I think the point of this video is that a parent can be diplomatic without backing down. If your child is screaming or threatening or whatever you must stand firm without returning the screams and threats. The parent should communicate that "what you are doing isn't working on me, so let's do something else."

@criticalthinker72 4 года назад

Definitely ask is there something else we can do!

@Lidia.Bella.Italiana 4 года назад

I legit cried watching this... it cut me so deep that I am this way and I cant help it. It made me feel like who would want me... when they can have someone who isnt like this. Im so triggered... this was so hard to watch omg.

@ashtenstephenson4867 4 года назад

LidiaBellaItaliana I feel ya! That was definitely my first reaction when I saw this a few weeks ago. I cried hard thinking about my bf of the last year and a half and how much he truly puts up with. Then I sent it to him and turned it into a test, getting upset every day that he didn’t watch it. Eventually I just turned it on and we watched it together, me in his arms & him paying attention & saying the perfect things... luckily turned out good for a change :)

@francesmorris8881 3 года назад

You are not your disorder and are so deserving of love ❤️

@twistedalicemcgee 3 года назад

Because they love you. I have had a couple of people who would stay with me, but I can't handle my jealousy. I gave up.

@Fingolfin455 3 года назад

I feel you.. Right there. Every word.

@Kathrynlove 3 года назад

I know..it is very hard. Nobody does want us BUT you can still live a good life by becoming your own best friend and finding things you like to do and just keep living...

@LoversLane16 Год назад

When i was a CHILD i remember telling my mom “i feel like I’m just sitting watching everyone else live their life and I’m just watching mine stand still.” She said “thats a sad way to feel”. Your mason jar analogy fits what ive felt my whole life. I start therapy this week. I’m 32! Looking forward to it!

@Flowering19 Год назад

Hi AD. I can resonate w you, I was literally just talking to my friend about this tonight 🙏best wishes to you, & never forget how strong you are.✨

@RAMomof5T1D2 Год назад

My husband has BPD and this seems an accurate description. He feels left out of our own family.

@renacleerican7824 4 месяца назад

I still feel this way often. It is like being a shadow or a ghost. People are around, living their lives, but I am like transparent, not here, like from an other dimension. It also feels deeply heartbreaking, and so unfair! I really wish it is only a symptom of bpd/cptsd and not my reality; I cant really know now. I need to hug a dog I think😅 I am sure your therapy will help you a lot! It is a big part of the remission to recognize that help is vital, to trust again.

@amyburns3579 2 года назад

When I hurt myself 3 weeks ago I rang the mental health team who were assessing me and their reply was “you have to wait until your next appointment 3 weeks away to be seen”!! No one came to check on me nor did they send me to inpatient! I wish there was more therapists like you, who take it very seriously.

@mickyzzzeee Год назад

This is true

@ekaterinastaneva9922 Год назад

Gosh, which country is this?

@mickyzzzeee Год назад

@@ekaterinastaneva9922 it’s the same in Australia

@amyburns3579 Год назад

The Uk

@loriritchie1156 11 месяцев назад

Happens a lot in the US also. Shortage of therapists since COVID

@projoebiochem 6 месяцев назад

Setting and maintaining boundaries is the most common challenge that I have.

@DrDanielFox 6 месяцев назад

Boundaries are definitely important! It's a continuous process of learning and growing.

@lulumoon6942 Год назад

👍Being inconsistent with boundaries as a trigger to Abandonment feelings in a BPD individual is SO helpful!

@DrDanielFox Год назад

Glad you found the video helpful.

@ZoeMagnes Год назад

Sometimes my partner or friends might feel reluctant to set boundaries with me because they don't want to be "mean," but I really need others to be clear with their boundaries and to keep reminding me where their boundaries are. Because when I cross someone's boundaries, I feel terrible shame and guilt afterwards. So please say "ouch" or "stop" right away instead of trying to endure it. My own empathy will put the brakes on my aggressive behavior as soon as I get that clear feedback.

@crissieroserose Год назад

i dont understand that sentence

@juajones0226 Год назад

I have a spouse who has BPD, we have been married for 15yrs and in the beginning we didn’t know what was going on. He just recently got diagnosed a few years back and it has been so incredibly hard. I started therapy and everything that you have said is what my therapist told me also to help at home. It does help I’m just trying to stay consistent.

@DrDanielFox Год назад

Thank you for sharing, and it is very challenging. But you hit the nail on the head, staying consistent is most important. Be well.

@SunflowerEyes252 11 месяцев назад

How on earth did you even get him to agree to counseling? He absolutely refuses to acknowledge outwardly any personal issues, the "blame" is always put on others, usually me.

@juajones0226 11 месяцев назад

@@SunflowerEyes252 honestly we have been on the brink of separation so many times, the simple fact that we have kids one of which is bipolar pushed him to get help. It’s hard as hell and we are still working on the correct medication for his anxiety and depression which makes things so much better when those two are at least balanced. I started therapy way before he did but was never consistent, after his initial diagnosis he was in a bit of denial but I talked and asked questions not accusing just wanted to know what he was thinking. Slowly he started to understand things are off and decided to take a serious step. Flair ups are a constant battle but I’m working on not being bated into the argument. He had to want it I can tell you if he had not gone we would not be together today.

@brianadams3189 9 месяцев назад

@@SunflowerEyes252i would like some help with this too.

@EricMeatlikeaking 4 года назад

I had a couple job interviews and I was afraid to call them back because i thought they didn't like me. i'm becoming more aware of the BPD lens.. I just realized that after i meet someone I think. They didn't like me very much.... maybe it is just my misunderstanding..... people like me

@DrDanielFox 4 года назад

Call those potential employers back!! Fight your lens!!

@zaharralb 4 года назад

Going through this too. Good luck Eric!

@LaGrossePaulik 4 года назад

I understand you Eric. This BPD prism is a liar, don't forget that and don't listen to it! I wish you good luck and don't hesitate to keep us updated :) 👋

@Portia620 2 года назад

You should be asking yourself if you like the person that’s around you or are they safe for you things like that instead of the other way around.

@EricMeatlikeaking 2 года назад

@@Portia620 and everyone. thanks. for reminding me about this. i have an update. I got a job in October and I was fired in December right before Christmas. I tried my best but they really didn't like me. LOL. It's funny and it's sad. It wasn't that big of a deal because I was there for a greater purpose. It was like a mission from God and a helpful experience and maybe a stepping stone to something better. I'm not sure exactly when I posted this comment but Jesus saved me last year 4/19 and gave me the Holy Spirit it changed everything. Well it's working with me. I got a new job this month just about a week ago. It's really cool but it's like a volunteer job, but they they should be able to help me get a paying job soon. And I think i finally found some people that like me. I made a couple friends from church. I'm trying to stay positive and keep making progress. I have made sooo much progress in the last year. I hope the same for everyone.

@jenmurphy7777 4 года назад

In the middle of trying to save my marriage. I believe my husband is exhibiting signs of BPD with rage outburts. His mother had BPD, and it was the most difficult thing we had to go through before she was properly diagnosed. My husband knows there's something not right, and at times is eager to seek help. But that comes and goes based on his mood. He blames me for his outbursts of rage, so it is difficult for me to be the one to try and calm him when it's happening. No one else is really close enough to him to see these behaviours and outbursts. I'm trying my best but don't really know where to go from here. I appreciate your videos very much! Thank you for trying to help us, the loved ones who are desperately doing all we can.

@laurenbatson5918 3 года назад

Me too. I hope you got some help!

@prasenjitsinha5806 2 года назад

I can feel ya Jen and it’s indeed stressful. Please take care of yourself. Please know that your loved one is acting out of rage because it’s an illness and not choice

@freeyourdreama7822 2 года назад

ME TOOO

@AndyX 2 года назад

worst thing to think is you can fix it ...you cant ,,its not under your control best option sometimes is put down a line ..get help or im leaving ,,ill be there for you ,,but no longer under this circumstance...it takes a serious action to get the ball rolling

@susanrobinson3812 2 года назад

Jen it sounds exactly like what I’m going through with my fiancé. Dr. Fox can you recommend a psychologist/psychiatrist in Austin Texas that specializes in BPD Or are there support groups for loved ones who have BPD

@realleftover 2 года назад

I have fully recovered from BPD, where I only have slight tendencies, but do not match the criteria anymore. Please do not give up and ffs be kind to yourselves. I know it ain't easy. I really do. Just know that it works.

@dianefoster3059 Год назад

Thank you for this encouragement. Truly.

@realleftover Год назад

@@dianefoster3059 I'm proud of you 🖤

@haideralyassin1143 2 месяца назад

Tall me details please . How many years have you suffered .? What medication have you used?

@Sky-Child 3 года назад

Great video. All my fellow BPD peeps - you CAN recover with help and support. My family and my partner have been helping me (alongside therapy and my own hard work) and I am not out of the woods but I am so much better. YOU CAN DO THIS

@sithisdawnsend2730 Год назад

How are you now?

@edwardbaylis8138 3 года назад

I have a BPD partner who also has anxiety disorder, complex PTSD, and depressive disorder. Omg what a handful... on one hand she is the most amazing woman I have ever met... I mean really incredible (and insanely beautiful). On the other hand this is like walking through a minefield blindfolded in clown shoes. I can’t respond to things as I would with other people and I’m getting to a point where I don’t respond at all. At a total loss if I’m honest but I’ll persevere as she is worth it. Your videos will hopefully help but remembering this when needed and heat of the moment can be hard.

@BuffproThe 3 года назад

I feel for you man. I also am in love with the most amazing woman who also suffers from bpd. I also hope we can get what we need from this.

@AprilHare 3 года назад

Can you tell me more about what it is that affects you negatively when in the minefield state?

@c5scherers 3 года назад

Our 32 yr old Daughter has estranged us for 7 yrs now, as her Final Blow Up, at us, right after her beautiful wedding, on our farm. We walked on eggshells around her, since she was young, not to upset her in any way. We feel we spoiled or gave in to her, to keep her always happy & not blowing up. The only time she seemed to need us, was when she manipulated & wanted something from us. When she verbally abused us, we stayed quiet. When I, her mom, finally asked her, Why she lashed out at me? She responded, the stress from the wedding. I avoided her, the day of her wedding as much as I could, not to upset her again. What can we do?? We tried reaching out to her 3.5 yrs ago. She responded by also estranging both her brothers. Our therapist is guessing, she has BPD & is the one that needs to reach out & apologize? We don’t see that ever happening! We have mixed feelings, But our life is much more quiet & peaceful now. We miss our happier daughter!

@brookeb886 4 года назад

This was the most helpful information I’ve ever found on BPD. Our loved ones need our support. Frankly, we need yours! I’d greatly appreciate more videos like this. In particular, some advice on helping a loved one to hear you when they’re hurt or angry. How can you encourage safe expression of those feelings before they lead to destruction? Also, how about tips on maintaining the kind of boundaries that can be perceived as rejection? Thanks for your help!

@echase416 4 года назад

It helps to learn some DBT Skills.

@drsusta 3 года назад

Yes please. More videos on these topics would be helpful

@ZoeMagnes Год назад

I can tell from these questions that you are a compassionate person. The BPD person in your life is lucky! I really liked Dr. Fox's book and recommend it, if you haven't had a chance to read it yet.

@NidhiSharma-sp9bq 4 года назад

Dr. I watched your video and it just made me so sad. You are so compassionate and I really value your videos. I had worked really hard on myself and I improved. I was doing great being single. There was no stress of anyone cheating on me or lying or hiding things. But then i met this guy and he convinced me that he loved me a lot, he was showing ot in his gestures, promised me a beautiful life, was desperate to marry me and I clearly told him I have bpd, he saw my mood swings but he would try to change my mood, hold hands, be affectionate, made me feel loved. I was scared n told him he would change after marriage but he kept saying he would only get better n tht our relationship would be so beautiful. He said he read a lot about bpd n he understood me. I was extremely transparent with him about my past and told him many times to be transparent with me n I would keep saying tht n everytime he said he was. I got married to him thinking he really loved me n wasn't marrying me for the heck of marrying but after marriage he just changed. He just stopped being affectionate the way he was but never admitted tht he did.he always said I was imagining but holding hands ,kissing, communication everything went out of the window that too soon after marriage. Also he accused me of marrying him for money which hit me so hard. And soon after I found out that he had hidden a lot of things about his past. I found texts in his phone that were objectionable and he kept giving lame excuses, covering up. And then a lame sorry for not discussing before marriage. But he did that damage to me. I was so happy when I married but it all went down the drain. I was so shocked and dissapointed that I got into depression, since he started saying mean things to me I came to my parents house. I was so depressed because of what happened that I self harmed and had to be admitted. I am in therapy n on meds for almost 6 months n still at my parents. My dreams all shattered and I cannot trust husband at all ,neither can I talk to him properly, I've become so bitter . I feel cheated tht he hid things when I specifically asked him to be transparent so many times. His sorrys have not helped me at all. I'm extremely dissapointed because I was cheated in my previous relationship and my bpd was not diagnosed then n I was still with my partner but I was stalking him, checking his phone like crazy. It was extremely traumatic for me. Post tht I got into therapy n worked on myself so with husband I never checked his phone at all because I felt I should trust him and I also believed all tht he told me. I didn't want the same stressful cycle of my previous relationship where I was being suspicious, checking ph etc n with him felt secure because he was so good at convincing me that he read about bpd n tht he understood me n tht he was absolutely transparent n life would be more beautiful after marriage but now I feel I'm back to square one in this relationship as well where I'm not suspicious, I don't trust him at all ,I'm still at parents n refuse to go back to him because I feel cheated, lied to and it is like reliving my previous trauma. Please honestly tell me, am I at fault for not liking him anymore. He makes remarks that he married me despite me being mentally unstable n other things which has made me hate him but he is blaming it on my bpd. This is why I'm so sad because I feel I can't live with this stigma of being what I am because of bpd despite someone else doing wrong to me. :(

@Nat-hu4gq 4 года назад

My sympathies for what you went through had similar with my ex, on Canada day (July 1st) he said "we need a break from dating for a while" I said "how is this fair I have my precancerous lesions and fertility check up on July 7th" he said " I don't want to see you or talk to you". I said "Is this about my mental health?" He said "no". I asked "Is this about my health?" He said "no". Then blocks me. We excerised a park together and dropped me home before this text. I selfed harm, emergency room visit. He was caught by my friend's sister on dating app bumble twice. First time I confronted him. He said he was inactive and deleted it. Isolated me from my friends. Lied about deleting the app and was caught again few months ago. I didnt know about the second time because I was isolated. Last Thursday with my friend, her sister and mom, we pieced together the behaviour changes in him and tactics. We concluded that my ex was manipulative, a narcissist and most likely cheating on me. No wonder my bpd was triggered so bad. Hopefully my story can help you, I feel your pain too. Sending you lots hugs with love 💖🤗 P.S he did the same blaming it on my bpd. When really without him, it still hurts a lot for me too, my bpd is a lot calmer. You are not crazy dear !

@My2Scents Год назад

I hate having BPD. I’m 39 and am getting married next year and I feel like I’m ruining my relationship even though my fiancé doesn’t feel the same. Thank you for this awesome video. Truly brings full circle the way people should work to be with someone like me. ❤

@DrDanielFox Год назад

Resist that family in the head. Push back and set your path without BPD. It’s ok to be loved.

@IrelandVonVicious Год назад

@@makingadjustmentseach person is different. For some it will make a huge difference. Others will see no change.

@denisepresnell2800 4 года назад

This needs to be the subject of your next book - after you finish the CPBD book. There are a few books out there for families - but not enough and I know your take on the subject would be SO helpful.

@LizaLavolta 2 года назад

agree

@lexybockus 13 дней назад

I have never in my life felt more understood by a video it is truly the loneliest disorder

@VampiraVonGhoulscout Год назад

A lot of people with BPD grew up with narcissistic parents who would have absolutely weaponised the BPD diagnosis against them. For example, if you are feeling really sad one day, they would use the fact you have BPD to gaslight you about it. So definitely don't do the first one if you don't want to accidentally trigger that. I was 27 years old before anyone ever told me my feelings were valid because I was so used to the gaslighting and minimising. That made a huge difference, although I often still question and gaslight myself as a result.

@HoneyBadgerVideos 3 года назад

I understand , but what I also can't do is constantly take blame and apologize for stuff I DID NOT DO. Especially when the other person is most likely doing 90% of the things I got blamed for doing/not doing and is constantly lying about stuff. It made me doubt myself so much that I had to keep telling myself it was the bpd to stay sane

@HoneyBadgerVideos 3 года назад

The relationship ended though and I feel much better now.

@carriesample7667 2 года назад

Same. The person who was in my life expected me to answer phone or text back immediately, no matter the hour of day. More than once, I was literally using the toilet and couldn't answer the phone for a couple of minutes. He would call me in the middle of my classes and accuse me of cheating (which he was doing, not me). I understand the need for compassion, but there can be a time where it is simply an abusive situation.

@raiokaii 4 года назад

I have just discovered your channel recently and I feel so validated, I even happy-cried. I ordered your BPD Workbook, it’s very good! It doesn’t feel impossible anymore. It’s so hard to find educational resources online that don’t stigmatise BPD. Thank you for making your content readily available for those who can’t access it in other means.💗

@LaGrossePaulik 4 года назад

Here's a safe place, raiokai 👋 welcome! And yes there is hope. I've been diagnosed a year ago, began therapy both with online ressources and a therapist, but you can access to a lot online. I'm way better, I barely fall into destructive behaviors. Of course I still have work to do. Dr Fox has a great website and content, you can have the address in the description box. Yes you're right, not everything is safe and reliable online! There is discrimination with BPD, sadly. So do not hesitate if you have any questions, here's a safe spot 👋 I also sometimes cries with videos full of hope/validation ☺️ it's like I am overwhelmed by these vibes and 'revelations'! Take good care 👍

@Kathrynlove 3 года назад

I've never once saw anything stagimatizing BPD and I have read about this and researched for almost 9 years. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

@raiokaii 3 года назад

@@Kathrynlove you’re the only person I’ve come across who has ever said this - it’s a common thing people say in the BPD community. BPD is one of the most stigmatised mental illnesses. I simply voiced my own experience which is spanning across about 4.5 years. If yours is different, that’s fine and you’re very lucky to not have stumbled across that type of content. I’m unsure what the need for this comment was, but I’m glad you’ve had a good experience with your research. 💗💓💞

@juliettailor1616 4 года назад

Great analogy re: not knowing how to making copies. Boundaries! Identifying consequences. Stay solution focused. Selfcare. These are good things to know with children, as bpds and often we all are.

@olddognewtricks8971 3 года назад

I have been watching videos on BPD for months, since my partner was diagnosed. Most of them help, but this one is a game changer! Thank you so much.

@jennylynnculbertson9086 Год назад

Your amazing for trying to help them instead of abandon them ty for that

@kschroeder5528 4 года назад

I would love more videos for family! This affects my husband and the more I can learn .. The better

@shannacorbin446 4 года назад

This is my first comment here..but I have. BPD and am in outpatient therapy for the moment due to a recent hospitalization..I totally lost it with my boyfriend..I grabbed a knife and cut myself several times and because my BPD was so out of control...when he came towards me I stabbed him in the arm...that was sooo out of character for me..even in my worst episodes previously I had never gone that far...and because of that I checked myself into the hospital I have learned these behaviors you talk about in the. Video are skills I too am learning to better control my outbursts..just wanted to say thank you

@katybeltran5688 2 года назад

My 10 years old daughter has most of the traits of BPD, but is still very controversial to diagnose it in children. I was a very young Latina mother and had to leave my child with my mother to be able to work and take my family out of poverty. When I came back after 5 year as a permanent resident in the US, she was emotionally broken and my family told my she was a victim of SA by a family member. I was totally destroyed. Now after finally being able to work remotely, I was able to reunite with her and give her all the Love and support she needs. Thank you for giving us hope!!this is not easy and overcoming guilt to take responsibility is also not easy. I hope you all continue to support your love ones and never give up on each other. That is the real tragedy. Thanks again for this amazing content

@jennylynnculbertson9086 Год назад

Please please know that you believing she needs help and believing she'll need help her whole life will make everything much easier. Validation is a miracle drug for bpd. Being believed. Seen . And never "toooo" much. I've told people it's like not having any skin and your just exposed for all to see all reject all poke prod burn You feeeeeel people allll of them. And you feel everyone knows your damaged. Please stay educated. Pls don't let your guilt make it so you aren't whole. You are a wonderful mother.

@benkingwell 4 года назад

Dr Daniel Fox, thank you. I live in the UK and I have BPD. I have been waiting to start a programme to help me for over 2 years now, and things have been tough. But finding your channel has helped me more than you could imagine. Thank you so much for explaining things, and going through the processes that occur on our brains, for helping us and for helping the people around us too!

@2dsingerofgorillaz907 2 года назад

I just lost my fiancé of 9 years and only just found this video. I wish I could have provided them with this so they would have been able to handle me better.. but I’ll use this video to keep in mind to try to better myself and seek professional help. Thank you so much. by the way your voice is calming. Reminds me of Mr. Rogers Neighborhood. If you’re this great of a therapist as you are a person then I’d love to be your neighbor, haha Cheers 🖤 You’re a saint

@DrDanielFox 2 года назад

I’m sorry for your loss. I wish you well.

@maryblue75 3 года назад

How can I not hide my feelings, when the cursing is causing me such great anger and distress and pain? When they feel that this is like blaming them and they don’t want to even hear what they are causing?

@sadafashraf5532 3 года назад

I feel you!

@baumkuchenbaumkuchen631 3 года назад

I have bpd and it helps me a lot when people tell me how they feel, even if I blame myself for it. I NEED to hear it. Just because i blame myself anyways, and when they tell me they're feelings, it means that i KNOW that its a problem (i knew it anyways) AND how much its a problem for them. I don't have to speculate about this. And if they are hinest with how big the problem is, i learn to trust them. Then, this helps me, when it wasn't this bad and my head is just making the problem bigger. Its grounding me. Even if its hard sometimes. And its constant work. But it helps.

@SarahLB22 3 года назад

I sent this to my boyfriend, he asked to see this video which is so amazing. I think it will help both of us manage my feelings of abandonment. 🤗 I think will empower him too so that it can minimise his feelings of frustration and hopelessness.

@barry144 3 года назад

Thank you, Dr. Fox. This is superb advice. As the loved one of someone on the spectrum, I’m trying my best to have empathy and validate her, and look after myself. Please continue this loved one support. It so often overlooked. Warm regards to you.

@Tubeeuk 4 месяца назад

Thank you. "I statement really helped" Both my Son and I have BPD traits. Very hard to manage but we love each other and keep going.

@DrDanielFox 4 месяца назад

Thanks for sharing!! I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.

@Tubeeuk 4 месяца назад

@@DrDanielFox Thank you so much for taking the time to respond.

@Kimjungskill 3 года назад

Dr.Daniel, you have changed not only my life but the life or my best friend. I have been watching you for years. Now when me and my friend met I knew he had symptoms. Then something happened and he almost lost everything. I showed you to him snd he has done so much better and gotten the relationship with his family back. We both still are a work in progress like everyone else. But thank you for saving the trajectory of my life. I always thought I was just crazy!!

@frombushtobeach7714 2 года назад

Thank u so much I have been belittled and n ear bashed foe years now I can put some things in place cheers

@z-u-r-i 3 года назад

It doesn't seem like my parents are ever gonna watch these wonderful videos you share. I am trying my best to normalize the topic of mental health at home. In my third world country, the topic is kinda rejected. People are too dependant on surviving physically to worry about mental health. But for years, I have not stopped educating myself, so I can help myself. Maybe one day, I will truly succeed. Thank you, doc.

@rahafmazahreh7641 4 года назад

I reached out for help because of you ❤ Thank you so much ❤ Please know that you've saved my life ❤

@annettealrand9736 3 месяца назад

Oh my gosh, this is probably the best video I’ve ever heard. I can’t thank you enough!

@DrDanielFox 3 месяца назад

I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.

@SansVertigo 4 года назад

Yes! Things can get better, there is hope and things worth trying for. Understanding, patience, care and transparency has done so much for the person I care so much about. It was frustrating looking things up online and seeing the negative attitudes from peers- it all seemed so counterproductive towards people with BPD symptoms. If anyone treats me the same way they treat people with BPD, I sure as heck know it makes my own depression worse!

@M2Mil7er 4 года назад

Best BPD community on YT. Thanks Doc. EDIT: shared with my DBT Whatsapp group.

@LaGrossePaulik 4 года назад

Oh yeah, best community 👍 very safe here! That's so much of a relief! 👋 Have a nice Sunday!

@2busysecretary 3 года назад

Thank you for your insightful and thoughtful work. In my family DNA we have autism, OCD, BPD, Tourettes, and addiction. It is exhausting for all concerned. Truly exhausting. I know they can't help it and need love and acceptance as humans. Parents - you are NOT to blame. Children - you are not to blame for your parent's behavior. Nobody is to blame. It is a disease of the brain. Those that love someone with BPD, OCD, etc. et al are only responsible for not becoming codependent in the process.

@heidischumacher4432 4 года назад

I love your mason jar analogy. As a BPDer, I can verify that feeling!

@Kathrynlove 3 года назад

Oh your right on...as soon as someone talks about the past and blames me about the past...it is TOTALLY fanning the flame of getting me to explode!!

@heidiperez1387 Год назад

My husband is the only person that took the time to learn about BPD, the rest of my family (including my children) wanted nothing to do with it or me after my diagnosis. It was like adding salt to a wound. If you can have a support system, consider it a true blessing!

@jennylynnculbertson9086 Год назад

I'm so sorry.. My youngest daughter is the first to ever not judge or Invalidate me and it was the beginning of my healing. It took 4 years to get diagnosed with more than depression and grief as we had horrible family tragedy 6 years ago. I believe I'm at fault for it too . My family has nothing to do with me. But thank GOD both my daughters know I've fought myself my whole life to do the very best I could. I just couldn't get anyone to LISTEN and help me! Always called lazy or a pos Mother. My overwhelming ness Was very evident in being a single parent. Everything felt HUGE and like I was failing. Still does. God bless your husband. I hope you are easy on yourself

@heidiperez1387 Год назад

@@jennylynnculbertson9086 Finding Jesus has literally saved my life! I live my life with him front and center. I'm at great peace now 🙏 Blessings!

@Mizukusan 18 дней назад

I been having a hard time setting boundaries with my sister because of bpd. Specially when she have psychotic episodes. She is physically violent since she was a child, and when I point out in a very respectful way that how important for me is keeping my space and relationships apart, she wants to be in by her own matters. So, she hurts my friends, coworkers and partners because (in her words) I cannot be happy when she’s suffering. Is really hard to set boundaries with an extreme case of BPD. I love her, but I cannot live this way. This videos are very helpful, because I feel so hopeless everyday.

@BenjaminSelinger Год назад

So with regards to the first point "don't blame BPD", what is your suggestion instead? How do you discuss a given behaviour that is very clearly driven by BPD, without calling it what it is? Is it best to simply leave BPD out of it entirely? I always felt like that would then make the pwBPD feel like a terrible person, so I've tried to (perhaps foolishly and backwardsly) always blame the negative behaviours on what is clearly the disorder. The girl about whom i'm referring is an incredibly good person. Among the best I've ever met. She's good to people, to a fault. But when she splits, well, we know how that goes. I don't want to make her feel like a bad person when she absolutely is not, but she exibits incredibly hurtful and abusive behaviours.

@katepavelle9465 3 месяца назад

@katepavelle9465 0 seconds ago During the last blowup, I told him we cannot control people. When our kids were 3, they inevitably had a meltdown or two at the store (overstimulated, wanting toy, whatever.) they would throw themselves on the floor, kick, and scream. I stood there leaning on the cart, waiting. When they were done, I said, “I am sorry but we cannot shop when you are having a tantrum.” I would apologize to the clerks ans leave the cart, and we went home. I didn’t address why it probably happened, only that it was not acceptable. It worked. I realized I cannot control my husband either. I told him that and reminded him of those store episodes. We still loved our kids, we just set limits. I started treating his outbursts the same. He knows that I am doing that and so far, it has been easier to calm the waters.

@bigdoom3104 3 года назад

I'm dating girl now with BPD. Your channel helped me so much about understanding BPD, how to help and treat people with BPD. Thanks a lot, Doc!

@amycoomer9486 4 года назад

Thank you for continuing to make content about bpd! You have a real gift for seeing the true meaning and depth behind actions, behaviors, intent and thought

@AndreaVerma 3 года назад

Dr Fox: I find your videos very helpful. May I suggest that you create a whole series for people living with a person with bpd and bpd traits. It is needed very badly. This will really help people who need more than only this one video.

@princhipessa1969 2 года назад

I truly love my exGF (she’s left me several times) but we’ve known each other for many years and I appreciate this video. Currently she’s walked away from me again blaming me for everything. I really try to work with her but impossible when she keeps leaving instead of resolving conflict & her abuse. I’m in her corner & I’ve told her this but to no avail. I guess I let her walk away for good.

@ibrahimukrinpad3115 2 года назад

I experience the same as your closing statement

@dianefoster3059 Год назад

Heartbreaking.

@Gaspo123 11 месяцев назад

Any mental illness or disorder is an incredible strain on all involved. I have to remind my self often that my loved one living with their condition has it so much harder than i ever will.

@frankievalentine6112 3 года назад

So much of this is about making things more comfy for the pwBPD. What about us partners and caregivers, though? Where's the video for how we recover after so much abuse supposedly "out of their control"?

@loucupurdija3790 3 года назад

i have found so so much more content online for partners of people with bpd than for people who actually have bpd.

@tinakaminskadickinson3328 6 месяцев назад

I’m with ya. Tons of videos on understanding the BPD person, next to nothing on how to deal with handling the abusive rages and total lack of taking responsibility for what they cause. I think the best advice I’ve got was “you can’t reason with an unreasonable person” and set boundaries about what you can and can’t accept.

@2busysecretary 3 года назад

You are so helpful! I was raised by a BPD alcoholic mother and a father that was a genius with OCD and ASD... Now three of my grandchildren have ASD and one has BPD too. BPD is by far the hardest to cope with. Thank you for your channel. You are helping people more than you know.

@kennedygardiner42o 4 года назад

My problem with my boyfriend is whenever I have emotions he goes 'did you take your meds?' I HATE that, half the time I do and I'm just having emotions..

@Lillievideo 3 года назад

SAME! 😭 He says it lovingly, but still stings a bit.

@loucupurdija3790 3 года назад

tell him it bothers you when he does that, if he doesn't stop, leave

@porcelainraven Месяц назад

Thank you so much for making these helpful videos. My partner has BPD and I want to do better with helping and supporting him the best that I can because I love him so much

@DrDanielFox Месяц назад

I'm really glad to hear that you found the videos helpful! Supporting a loved one with BPD can be challenging, but your love and commitment to understanding is truly inspiring.

@bendybunny1318 2 года назад

Thank you for your compassion. Can’t tell you how many times I’ve been hurt by so called mental health professionals using language like “manipulation and tantrums.” I watch BPD videos hoping for useful information and compassion, but leave feeling unsafe and alone in the world yet again. Thanks again for presenting the facts in such a professional manner.

@DrDanielFox 2 года назад

You're welcome.

@Shaina_singh_amrita 2 года назад

@@DrDanielFox Also sir sometimes even normal folks who haven't been lebelled or come under any mental health diagnosis also behave the same way I mean I have seen thousands of people throwing tantrums at some point or another.. I have seen a lot of people "manipulating" and doing meanest things possible to human beings without ANY lebels. So does this make everyone a BPD ? Blaming and name calling a person based on a diagnosis isn't right in my point of view. Also sir there is a lady from US who is an expert on the subject and has written books also. (I am not taking any names) So she in her Quora posts is mostly talking in a very negative language and in one of the paras she also wrote "These Unlucky individuals" I mean this is really not right to classify anyone as lucky or unlucky just because of their diagnosis! Some very normal and healthy people also get unlucky within fractions of seconds ! We should have compassion for every being on this planet. Just my views Thankyou 🙏🙏🙏

@brandnewashes5409 Год назад

Thank you, Dr Fox, for this video. This is the only thing I've ever heard anyone say about a good prognosis of BPD that gives me any hope. Everything I've read says that BPD is the worst and least treatable psychological disorder. Please continue to share this message. God bless.

@KimPosteryournewpenpal 4 года назад

You've inspired me to make my own vids on bpd. Thank you Dr. Fox! Your book is helping me maintain my recovery until I meet my new therapist. 💜💜💜

@gerleavey8009 4 года назад

My son was diagnosed with bpd about 15yrs ago, it has been a rollercoaster, I wish I had the information available to me during those years that you are giving, I find your videos really helpful in understanding this disorder and giving hope to people with this disorder. Keep up the good work

@cindydalton3280 4 года назад

My son is dating a woman with BPD and she had a bad experience with a therapist when she was younger so she will not see another one. She is not on medication. She doesn’t have a fear of abandonment when she is triggering she wants out of the relationship and is terrible to him. I worry about his mental state sometimes.

@ChellySerna 3 года назад

She is pushing him away BECAUSE she has a fear of abandonment. She thinks he's going to leave her, so she wants control over the situation so it doesn't hurt as much.

@youngshelsoncompleteseries 10 месяцев назад

I am here as i have bpd but no loved one interested to listen this as they are narcisstic and antisocial personality disorder, but i learned alot about my bpd and their behaviours, i started setting boundaries with thm, started reapecting them, taking care of myself and comminucating my needs very very hard and painful stuff but rewarding and peaceful at end of day.

@tiannakree9760 4 года назад

For years I have been struggling to find the words to say without confusing the person when it comes to explaining the way I feel and how I cant control it no matter how HARD I try! My counselor doesn't know anything about BPD, so basically I'm only seeing my counselor for ny generalized anxiety disorder... but I feel that its more my BPT that is affecting me :( .. its so bad now to where I forget EVERYTHING so easily (now I control the frustration I feel when I can't remember anything, I always cry) I live in such a small community(reservation), we don't have many programs or people who are trained and licensed for these things. I started feeling hopeless in ever getting better, im so desperate to feel happy and enjoy doing things. I really wish I had you to talk to! I NEED SOMEONE LIKE YOU IN LIFE TO TALK TO!!!!!

@tiannakree9760 4 года назад

Oh yes I forgot to mention, I just recieved your workbook in the mail a few days ago :D

@raider3c3k 4 года назад

Thank you for everything you do for people with BPD. Thank you for not stigmatizing and for making me feel like a human ,not a label. 💖

@andyandroid2155 4 года назад

Thank you so much for this video. You're so spot on in each points (alcohol, non-stop texting) I live with someone who has a lot of BPD traits. Feels like riding a rollercoaster and live with a small kid who like throwing tantrums. I recognize the dynamic but don't know how to handle it. So, many times just saying to myself "here we go again" and just buckle up. How to stop them using alcohol when they feel depressed, without hurting them? Thank you.

@lisanicholls68 Месяц назад

Thank you for breaking down bpd for me, my daughter has bpd and adhd, I am diagnosed with bpd traits, bpad and adhd. So communication is very challenging to say the least. I feel like I am at the whim of her BPD, nothing I do is right and I am reacting, giving in and doing all the wrong things. 😢it is so very sad, I just want a healthy relationship with my beautiful daughter. It seems everything we say sets the other off. I have saved this video and will watch it time and time again so it will sync in and perhaps in the future we can have a discussion and I can stay on track maybe.

@lornaelizabeth6290 Год назад

I was In remission for years and years (I discovered before traits were recognised) unfortunately a really unhealthy relationship sent back into them 4 years ago.. hence how I discovered the pbd traits… now I know it is possible, I did it alone. Healthy friends, work you enjoy, exercise external activities all really help!! I have been delving into my traumas ( I had compartmentalised for years) it was not my fault! Thankfully I don’t have rage or do anything manipulative consciously, but my anxiety and trouble on relationships is real!! Especially after a succession of failed relationships… mapping the patterns… thank you… so much! We have to admit there is a problem (the hardest thing to do) look for triggers, and manage internal emotions compassionately!! Compassion for self being the BIGGEST part (for me) 💋

@tuliomop 2 года назад

I would love if my family take this seriously, they have put me in the black sheep role, and some push me back to that place when they see success , and when they see hardship simply stop contact or are very harsh to me so I go no contact, since I was a child I have had intense BPD symptoms , my family are christians, so is harder to explain that is a real thing, and not my pleasure or a demon inside me . This touched me so much as allot of your videos have. thank you Dr. , I hope life is and will be loving to you and your close ones, as this is priceless for people like me , Saludos desde México

@bosstein 3 года назад

I feel these suggestions make senses, I'm going to put it in practice. I realized that I already did some of the suggestions to a lesser extent. I may did it unconsciously, such as I put boundaries but I didn't communicate that, hoping that the BPD person would learn those boundaries themselves. And also I avoid placing blame on them or the BPD but I did that the hard way, means that I really shut my mouth and only talk when being asked. That's why I think these make sense and I hope I can really make these work... Thank you Dr. Fox...

@edilmafranco9628 3 года назад

This video gave me a wake up call. I'm extremely excited . After I watch it I feel like a a new person!! I understand all and I really feel I'm being so wrong and I will implement all I can. Thanks Dr Fox. You're so amazing!!! Can I contact you in private??

@dawsonknight3834 4 года назад

Dr. Fox, I’ve recently hear about psychological projection and that it is involved with BPD and NPD. Could you do a video explaining it and how it can manifest into BPD and NPD?

@emilyshaffer7371 3 года назад

This morning I woke up to my mom with BPD whispering about me in my room saying she hated me, I’m a bitch, I’m fat, etc. I already struggle with low self esteem so it was rough. I don’t know if it was the right move but I tried my best to just pretend I was asleep. She won’t accept the diagnosis of BPD but it doesn’t change anything anyway. People with BPD are really hard to love. Definitely worthy of the love, just hard to love.

@amysk2157 3 года назад

You are 100% correct. BPD's are worthy of love but make loving them nearly impossible. I don't have any answers for how you could have dealt with that specific incident, I would have done the same thing, as I tend to do everything in my power to avoid confrontation. I would like to suggest trying some mirror work for yourself. It sounds kind of corny but I believe it to have helped me and my feelings of worthiness a lot... It is a simple exercise to explain and for me, it was profoundly difficult to complete... To do this exercise, you will choose three different positive statements to tell yourself. The key to it working is the mirror. You must be looking in the mirror, into your own eyes, talking to your subconscious, talking to your soul. Out loud, with care and compassion, as if talking to a broken child, tell yourself the three statements. Do this once daily. You'll find that after repeating this daily for a time, you will believe these statements to be true about yourself... Example statements... I am strong. I am beautiful. I am worthy. I am capable. I am loved. I deserve good things. It took me about two weeks of trying this mirror work, daily, to be able to complete the three simple sentences I chose to tell myself without bursting into tears ... I am strong. I am worthy. I forgive myself.

@benlidster9925 Год назад

I have BPD, ADHD, traits of histrionic PD and dependent PD. With this I have generalized anxiety disorder and major depression which I think is misdiagnosed. I feel I have bipolar 2 or at the very least cyclothymic disorder. I try not to get caught up in the labels but it's hard. At the very worst of the extreme, I have had decades of heavy intravenous drug use which has physically affected me severely. I am doing DBT at the moment and have amazing therapists. I have been clean and sober for 3 years now. There is hope. I can't, we can! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

@Nathalie.999 4 года назад

Hi dr Fox ! could you do a video on bpd and compulsive lying for attention, and just the need to constantly seek attention? I really struggle with this and feel like a bad person afterwards.

@carmenariel7557 3 года назад

Telling myself its just my bpd helps me feel less of a monster. But then again it only helps sometimes and I feel ashamed and angry for being this way in the first place. 🙄

@TheSonofliberty76 3 года назад

"BPD is the most successfully treated personality disorder". This is the opposite of everything I have read about BPD.

@warholcow 4 года назад

Thanks Dr. Fox. This was helpful. It may be nice one day to make a video talking about ways low or mid borderline individuals’s traits manifest/examples based on DSM criteria. When I look at ones or hear examples of splitting, anger, impulse, fear of abandonment, the examples are not as “nuanced” causing me to question if it’s BPD, ADHD, or anxiety for certain things. This can make it hard to understand the real root of the issue. Thanks for your channel!

@artiejohnson703 2 года назад

WoW, thank you for the great information. My son was diagnosed with bipolar about 5 to 6 years ago. A couple of days ago his Dr told him that she thought he has BPD. Our son has been doing research and can’t believe how much he feels like he definitely has BPD. Thank you for helping us, to know what to do in this matter. This is great, because now he can get the help he needs.

@kairiverse2657 3 года назад

Hi you lovely BPD girls, guys and non-binary pals- much love to you all

@elizabethjones4271 3 года назад

I love your videos including this one. I'm 90% sure I have BPD and so do most people who know me. My only issue with what you said is forcing someone into inpatient. If I think that someone can and will make me go inpatient I will never trust you again. I would cut off all contact with that person, even if it's a family member. I have bills to pay and a full time job and if im forced to go into inpatient and it screws my entire life up or causes me to be in trouble with work or miss important appointments, that person is dead to me. Or if im having a terrible episode and already feeling at an all time and im threatened with inpatient or if I think someone called and im being looked for I would literally tell work I had a family emergency and go straight to airport and get on a flight and disappear. I would hide out to the fullest extent and not contact anyone and would probably get a new phone and deactivate all social media. Inpatient is terrible, it's only 1 step up from jail and I won't let anyone take my freedom away from me bc I had a bad episode.

@deniseschoon7553 Год назад

I feel a tingle of hope for the first time

@shireenmccormack9074 3 года назад

does anyone have any suggestions about supporting someone close with bpd when they are emotionally abusive and pushing you away? how can you look after yourself while supporting them in the best way possible?

@lisa-pz2px 3 года назад

Put yourself first, of the person is abusive, take to them about how they make you feel, of they do not make efforts to get better at our to improve your relationships, you need to let them go

@kishinumaayumi 2 года назад

@@lisa-pz2px 100%! Put yourself first. You'll hurt them, yes but YOUR wellbeing is priority in this situation. Before and after you take your time to heal and come back to them, please assure them you're okay and that you still love them etc. -someone with BPD

@lucajorihsen5870 Месяц назад

The contents of the video is precise and nuanced! Good to hear the fragmentation between their impuls and will. The guilt as a secondary response to the misalignment between their behaviour and their will. I can't help but notice your likeness of a psychologist version of Jim Carrey though.

@jackiegrice714 3 года назад

I really enjoy your videos Dr Fox. You’re engaging, passionate about your work and compassionate toward your clients and you really communicate that well. You’re a light in the world.

@Anon2k12 4 года назад

Honestly I love your videos i just don't like that you included parents in this without context since most of the borderlines I know, myself included, formed the disorder because of those very same parents. In Truth, my mother read books on how to deal with me without ever accepting she had something to do with it which just perpetuated the issues even more until I did my own research and tried to grow from it. The entire thing made me feel wrong for how I felt which is the core of the borderlines psychology.

@lab4389 2 года назад

This just happened today with my son, who has BPD traits. Watching this helped me tonight because I allowed myself to get triggered by his words. The blaming came up and words were said. Yes, this son of mine can make me so angry with some of these maladaptive behaviors. So, I appreciate this reminder! 💯👍🏻

@DrDanielFox 2 года назад

I’m so glad that you found the video helpful and I wish you all the best.

@OttermanNathan Год назад

I’m watching this to help me learn how to better act around my best friend. I love her a lot and I’m looking forward to trying to think about things like this so our relationship can continue to be good, or maybe even be better for her

@leeboriack8054 2 года назад

If only, I found you sooner! Your podcasts illuminate the dark misunderstandings and confusion of dealing w a BPD lived one.

@DrDanielFox 2 года назад

I’m glad you found the video helpful. Be well

@happylindsay4475 3 года назад

Thank you Dt. Fox- your work matters. I am thankful that therapists with your level of empathy, sensitivity and insight exist. I hope you feel as rewarded as we do!

@lorijane9265 3 года назад

Yes, yes yes!! Thank you for your comforting words and tools! I see now I have actually made mountains of progress!

@jornantrillsark1437 3 года назад

Thanks kindly for this video. My partner, and adoptee, with whom I now have 2 toddlers, present all the signs of BPD. After a bit more that one year of problem free relationship, a monster came out. Physical violence, gaslighting, lies and continuous anger and fights... Now, after almost 3 years in total everything remains almost the same and I don't manage to get her to seek help. So I have realised that I have to do something myself, try to understand, adapt, solve, and act to secure everything so that nobody gets hurst, specially our two children. This video provides me with invaluable information.Thank you.

@PONYHEAVEN 2 года назад

This is the 3rd time I have listened to this video of yours. A kind of morning prayer for me. To remind me how to survive, to cope with myself.

@DrDanielFox 2 года назад

I’m so glad that you find the video helpful and I wish you all the best.

@ebonieharrell3791 4 года назад

This is great. Thank you for sharing these tips on how to interact effectively. My relationship with my partner with BPD is so much better.

@casandra4904 3 года назад

How do I handle the intense outbursts yelling so intense I think I now have PTSD?

@Laillusionist 3 года назад

Same 😭

@wallyworld4894 3 года назад

Wow! A lot of this stuff I already knew. But it is put in a way that really helps me have a healthy strategy with my wife.. She gets me so mad I have thrown thinges. Not at her of course. I struggle with anger and depression which is a tough combo to have with a partner with BPD. I am ashamed to say that I have said HORRIBLE things to her. And hearing I need to do what I say and say what I mean would give her so much more stability at home and when I fail she gets upset and that hits the throttle on the anger I feel at my self for failing. Long story longer, this encourages me to be more on my stuff for her and myself. Thank you

@kimpapa8331 8 месяцев назад

This is by far the best video I have ever seen . I am struggling with my daughter who has this it is so painful to see her suffer so much thank you for this . 0:08