And it's funny to hear that we like small talk, yet when it comes to talking to someone when we need or want something, we tend to avoid small talk altogether and just ask for what we need. I've heard Americans being criticized for that.
It really depends on what part of the country you are in. I grew up in the SF Bay Area and have been in rural Kentucky for 18 years now (after retiring from the Navy in Virginia Beach). Around these parts, small talk is a way of life. Head to Knoxville, TN or Louisville or Lexington Kentucky and it is a completely different situation.
I have no doubt it’s because I’m a southerner and because I’m also “extroverted” I guess. I love small talk, I chat up everyone I meet, cashiers, people in line, waitress, my hygienist and dentist this morning 😂if I sense atall I’m annoying someone/they aren’t interested I just keep it short and sweet (yes/no ma’am/sir Thankyou have a nice day) but I genuinely love meeting strangers and compliment other women’s hair/clothes or say I think someone has a cool tattoo/shoes. Also, if a worker has a particularly great attitude I point it’s out to them and tell them I appreciate them. I also can’t help myself at every opportunity to make a joke, possibly a character flaw 😅Our time at work/in public is full of tiny moments with encountering other people, I hope to make people day better and not worse 🤷♀️
I was in Aldi (in the USA) today and the lady in front of me began a conversation. She was from Yorkshire. She starts talking and then she starts laughing. I asked her why she was laughing and she said "Because I'm starting my first public conversation in America. I've been here a week and I'm just getting used to talking to strangers." We talked for another few minutes and I bought her a cup of coffee (across the street). She practiced talking to more strangers and it was hilarious. I know she appreciated the moral support.
I was grocery shopping this morning and a woman walked up to me and started complaining about how awful Canada is, how great Germany and other parts of Europe are, and how planes that need repairs get them done in Guatemala. She carried on for a few minutes, and I just let her ramble since I eventually realized she was upset about just having been let go from her job. I guess she appreciated having someone listen to her, since she wished me happy Easter.
lol, when I go to Aldi (California)...lol, it's like walking into a coffee shop in santa cruz--trader joes x10. the employee piercings add a level of ick that doesn't belong in food, so you have to distract yourself by talking to everyone you come across...these days 99% of the conversation is bidenflation..."how on earth did a little carton of flat hashbrowns go from $1.59 in 2020 to $6.05 in 2024 and why is it out of stock 85% of the time?"
@@rufflesntruffles2 I just commented above, where I'm at in Texas, the head nod acknowledgement actually has a meaning, and you either do that or tilt your head up at the person based on your relationship with them. Super interesting when you really look at it, and it can give you some easy to understand cues about social networks. "so and so is friends with so and so" or "so and so has a great amount of respect/deference for so and so" If you can pay attention to these things you can get an introduction anywhere you want.
The bubble thing: if you do accidentally bump shoulders or accidentally touch the other person (because, it *is* unavoidable sometimes), *IMMEDIATELY* apologize. They'll usually say "that's ok/alright/fine." But that doesn't mean you're allowed to do it again, even on purpose.
Exactly. To me it’s automatic to apologize to someone for bumping them, I remember one time I was in Sears and I bumped into someone and automatically apologized but then I realized it was a mannequin. There was a guy behind me and he absolutely lost it he was laughing so hard. I got to laughing too. It was hilarious
When I lived in Milwaukee and took the bus home from work downtown the bus would be so crowded you had no choice but to stand shoulder to shoulder or bump into someone when it lurched to a stop. In that case no one says anything because it's happening with everyone.
Yup especially in NYC. Quick sorry n keep moving. Another tip for when in NYC : never stop to talk to someone. When they ask you a question just keep walking and say no. Never stop
The personal bubble is important. Arm's length. I've been to many counties and Americans' personal bubble is the biggest. If an American backs up from you, do not move closer. We are friendly but get uncomfortable/anxious when our bubble is invaded. Two exceptions (generally): children and dogs.
I have a sweet older lady I clean for.. she's not hard of hearing.. she'll always step in too closely when she opens door for me and I come in.. if I step away she'll step in closer again. I think it's from the position she had in hospital management that she's use to doing this to have a low key convo in a public place
I’m an American. A friend of mine went to see some friends in Britain. His friend had some people over for drinks before they went to dinner. When it got close to time to go to dinner, my friend said out loud “Oh, I want to change my pants before we go to dinner.” He went to his room to change. His friend was waiting for him in the hallway after he had changed. He told him “In Britain changing your “pants” means changing your underwear. You don’t change your pants, you change your “trousers”. 😆
We Americans would be wondering if he had wet his pants. I once was speaking my introductory hello to new people I was to be supervisor of. I had cut my hand and had a bandage on it. So I explained in Southern English that I had a bo-bo. (Long o's) Well, everyone started laughing because in that culture having a bo-bo means you have a load in your pants.
Do you know what a "Midwestern goodbye" is?! Lol if you're from another country and find small talk difficult, this is going to be painful ---like three extra hours you weren't expecting to talk to someone after you said goodbye...3, 4 or even 5 times! If it's close to meal time, you'll likely be asked to join. Great video! Much love from the Midwest US 💖
The deep breath in and out as both hands slap down on your thighs, "Weeelp, guess we should be heading out" - followed by another few minutes of goodbyes. Ope.
OMG, after 35 years, that explains why my husband's family says goodbye 5 times & don't get out the door! The Midwest is the friendliest part of the country that I've found so far ❤People sometimes make jokes about them for their friendliness & sincerity, but I think it's sweet.
I think it depends on the city, as I've never had a problem riding in the front. Same with an uber. Once Covid happened, it programed us all to sit in the back and to some extent, it feels as if it's expected now. If ever in doubt, ask the driver.
@@KlebkattIt’s not about Covid. Driver in front, passengers in the back, even in a physically separate space, goes back centuries to horse-drawn carriages, and carried on into chauffeur-driven cars. In some countries, passengers in the front of a cab or service taxi is no big deal, or even expected. In others, it is definitely an invasion of the driver’s space. Riding in front became more of a thing in the U.S. with the coming of Uber and Lyft, but it is still pretty unusual (or even impossible) in an old-school taxi.
As am uber driver who drives in a city as well as a tourist town, when I drive in the city people usually sit in the back, even prior to C. But big city people when on vacation, they sit up front A LOT more often. They're also more chatty with the driver when they're on vacation.
(I’m American) We were all shocked when a friend’s British boyfriend called her a “silly cow”. Never ever call someone a cow. We corrected him that “silly goose” is much more appropriate.
I have a friend who married a brit. They were having a party and my friend said "I'd better get off my fanny and get dinner out". The room went silent. It seems the word fanny means the "C" word (rhymes with grunt).
Silly cow is too harsh for a lot of people in the UK but silly goose would be still insulting and sound weirdly archaic and quaint too, so harder to respond to.
Another big difference is bars here. In England, you order your drink at the bar, then go sit elsewhere. In America you can sit right at the bar, have conversations with the bar tender or anyone around you if you know them or not. You can go to a table for more privacy with friends or to have more room. But Americans generally like to sit at the bar and talk.
Haha, my friend learned that the hard way. We were having a beer in a pub in London. The bartender came by the table and cleared her empty glass. She asked if he would bring her another, and he abruptly said, “No, you have 2 perfectly good leggings to go to the bar and get it yourself.
As someone who worked as a Cashier in America, a large part of my job was learning to make small talk. It's interesting how different customers reacted to it. Some were quieter and more reserved, while others immediately talked excitedly about their day. I learned to read their reactions to determine how much conversation to make with them or not. The people who talked the most were mainly millennials and elderly people. Though, for some older people, I wonder if they lived alone, and I was one of the few people they got to talk to that day.
#7 If you want to test this theory out, literally go up to an American and start some small talk and move in just a little bit closer, then a minute later, just a little bit more into their bubble. An American will keep backing up until they get really annoyed and ask what you're trying to do, weirdo! That bubble is our personal space and you being in the bubble is not cool at all unless you are friends or family. This is important to know. Prime example: Our unspoken rule is if there are like 5 chairs, and we're sitting in one, and you come in, do not sit right next to us UNLESS you are a friend/family. Otherwise, leave at least one chair between you and another person unless there are absolutely no other chairs available.
Also, bathroom etticate, take the furthest stall away, do not sit in the one next to anyone, unless it is the last one. Also, my personal bubble is like 3 to 6 feet.
In the US the main reason we tip in restaurants is because the wait staff is making below the federal minimum wage, and tips are counted as the extra bit to get them there. Which is stupid. As a waitress when I was a teen I made $2.15 an hour. With my tips I averaged $13 an hour at a pizza hut. Wait staff in reality should just get paid a fair wage. But it's the US and hardly anything makes sense here to us either. And wait staff gets the crap end of the stick a lot. I got cussed so bad by a man one night my manager came running from the back of the restaurant to help me. Everyone in there heard and saw this man cussing me. A woman at booth across the way felt so bad she tipped 50% on her bill for me. I did a lot of crying that night.
In California, tipped employees still make the state's minimum wage. I used to work a tip job like this and you make a ridiculous amount of money that way. If I'm being brutally honest, I was overpaid. At the time, min wage was 10 bucks. I was easily making around 20 an hour. More than the managers and more than all the staff inside busting ass not making tips.
1) There is a condiment exception. In Texas and perhaps other places in the South, if someone grills for you - especially steak or a marinated meat - DONT ask for any sauce that the host doesn’t have out/visible. There is a 50/50 chance the host will consider it not only an insult to their cooking but to the meat itself- the very cow that it came from. If they make a joke about it, you’re safe. They are messing with you. If they are cheerful, you you’re okay. But if they don’t have a cheerful tone, start backtracking. Good luck out there!
Texan my whole life and everyone I know asks for a condiment if they want a damn condiment. I've never seen somebody get offended if asked for steak sauce. The only exception I can think of would be a really good barbecue place that doesn't provide sauce for a reason… Because the barbecue is really good.
I had a friend over for dinner, we had filet mignon and my friend asked for ketchup. We were in high school and I thought my parents were going to lose it lol.
The loud American stereotype pairs well with the small talk one. I can't tell you how many times someone will make a remark near other strangers and the strangers will comment back or make a joke in response, which may lead to a brand new conversation between the two strangers. I've seen it happen, I've been part of it, and it's honestly awesome. You often will never know the other person's name but you'll come away feeling better about humanity.
Yea, unfortunately this is not all throughout the US :( And in those parts [some big cities I've lived in, like Boston and LA], people don't like their neighbors or community as much. They definitely go hand in hand, in my opinion!
Grew up in the UK and never acknowledged a stranger in a store on the bus etc. Now living in the south of US, it is crazy how dehumanizing that seems to me now. Absolutely nothing wrong with telling a stranger your life story, it is such a human thing.
I love doing this to strangers! try to get them to laugh. I was at the wine/beer store the other day, and there was an older lady there reminding her husband she wants wine. she said "I need my glass of wine to relax" i laughed and said "for the health of those around her, get this woman some wine." We ended up laughing and talking for a few minutes. I love these wholesome interactions!
@@chelsmeister I disagree, lol. I grew up in Boston and people from Boston totally do make small talk / jokes like this. Some of the funniest jokes I've heard were from random strangers in Boston running their own personal commentary.
Usually we bond over sports teams, if we see someone in a hat or T-shirt of our favorite team, we’ll comment and chat a bit. Usually it’s just a few sentences about that or the weather or the long wait, but that’s the type of small talk. About 10 years ago, my kids and I were in line for a water slide near Disney World, and I overheard English accents, so I struck up a conversation with a couple from the UK. Since we were in line for a good half-hour, we had a nice conversation about the differences between our countries and what it’s like where we’re from in the US and England, and my kids learned something too.
One not mentioned. In the midwest (the flat part) we even 'greet' someone we pass going the other way on two lane roads. We either raise a couple of fingers or nod our head.😊
I have social anxiety I usually don’t talk to people until they speak to me. If they break the ice, I’ll chit chat. For some reason when I’m at work, I say hello to everyone who walks in the store, if I see they have a hard time getting around I’ll ask if they want any help grabbing anything. And carry their stuff to the car.
(American here!) A lot of Americans also do the head nod thing! I do it quite often (while smiling, but still!) Also, for the "Indirectness is key," thing, that's not always true! If someone just won't leave you alone or is being pushy (or creepy), a "no" can easily become a "go away!" or a "screw off!"
No no, the head tilt down is to acknowledge a stranger and be polite, tilting up is greeting a familiar person, as for indirectness, you still start that way, the screw off is reserved for when they DO get pushy, we start polite but have 0 issue resorting to brusqueness when ignored
The chin goes up instead of the head going down, head down in my area signals submission and flicking the chin up like “wassup” is the usual passer-by greeting
@@kariimora yess exactly, If i walk past a stranger especially if they're older than me, I'll do a nod down, if It's a peer ill do the nod up, the only time I don't nod is if it's a young kid, I normally give them a wave
Pro tip: In some parts of america, when someone is talking to you they might call you "babe", "baby", "sweetheart" "honey" or other pet names. This is used mostly by older people. Please don't take this in an bad way they are just being friendly. They are not flirting either so don't confront or you'll make the conversation weird. Hope this helped❤
Yes but I'm o!very 65--and I find it rude if a person dramatically younger than I am calls me such things! To me it only seems right if it is the older person using those terms and then maybe just "dear.". Anything else just screams waitress or drive-through worker to me. Ma'am is always good...
Yes depends on state. Some people are very friendly in some states and has nothing to do with flirting. In other states it may make people cringe. Also people from places very friendly feel slighted or that people in some states are rude because they are not so friendly.
This is true but as a Californian I will be uncomfortable with a stranger calling me “babe”. I’ve heard it but I don’t like it. However I fully expect people to call me “dude” or “ma’am” and I’m fine with either..
9:20 the bubble barely exists in the South. Strangers will hug you during introductions, touch you on the shoulder when maneuvering around you, etc. People are very touchy-feely level friendly here. Edit: Well actually the bubble exists when it comes to things like seating arrangements in confined spaces. If there are plenty of seats/stalls, don't sit beside a stranger. If there is room in the elevator, don't stand by a stranger.
True. They are more touchy in the South. More willing to chat with strangers as well. More friendly. Other places it happens, but feels a little less genuine.
@@crosion5 in the midwest people are also very touchy feely when introductions between family and friends, or in moments of reassurance. The moments tend to be brief though and they step back and it's back to bubbles. People comfortable talk about 5-7ft away in groups unless you know each other well. But yea, some sections of the USA are more touchy feely, lmao. I was shocked when I went to Montreal and a waitress reassured the teen girl at our table with a pat on the arm (which looked 100% normal and almost maternal to me) and the girl freaked out after she left. She was making it out as if she was hitting on her, which was ridiculous to me. The waitress was just reassuring her that she will go fix the problem with her food. I later found out the girl was lesbian and apparently twisted it due to her own issues.
14:50 in more norther states you tend to see a room called a mud room, it's where you'd put anything muddy like you shoes before going inside. Some people even have washers and dryers in the room too!
In my experience, it's usually a mat and coat rack by the door, than a room. It is more polite to take your shoes off in someone's house since 90% of the time it's snowy or rainy/muddy out.
11:31 i agree 100% on the sentiment of being "loud" is a sign of being comfortable in your space. over here in the US if its a loud bustling room full of people u can assume that theres good vibes and no bad blood mixed in, its when people start getting quiet and hushed that you wonder if theres something wrong. i guess we're just built for sharing good times!
@@lynnw7155it happens when the entire room is 100 different quiet conversations just trying to hear each other, and it slowly ramps up to everyone being loud... We don't just walk into a quiet place and start yelling... On the flip, nothing will make the hair on the back of your neck stand up like being in a place that gets suddenly quiet...
Well there are different variations. Because waiting areas for doctor's offices are often very quiet soas not to disturb others waiting. Small quieter conversations may be happening, but people try not to be loud there. And taking a phone call without immediately stepping outside is also a big no-no. Unless its super short like just saying you are busy atm and will call them back after visit.
I actually answer severs and ask them if people are being good to them, or wankers. They usually appreciate the fact that I actually do care what kind of day they’re having. It’s not a rhetorical question with me when I ask. I don’t ask questions I don’t want the answer to. That’s just me. But for the average American, it’s just a pleasantry. Although, if you’re pressed for time, that’s the moment to tell your sever you’re fine, but you’re trying to make an appointment/theater, they don’t care what, that you have x amount of time and ask if they can accommodate that. Even if you already asked the host when you were seated, it’s good to let them know, so they can try to meet that. They’re not mind readers, so it helps. Some people come to lounge, others to eat and go.
as an American if I ask how you are or what you've been up too I mean it literally like I don't just want "oh I've been fine" I want you to tell me about your day or if anything has been going on, I don't understand small talk like that
@@candle_wax3807 Its like an extended way to say 'Hi'. You expect some sort of 'hello' back or it comes off rude. Its a default response to expect a 'im fine' or 'i'm well' (even if you might not be). Unless you know the person comfortably, the exchange is purely an extended way to greet and not a check of wellbeing.
In the US, I usually clean the table. I'll empty the leftovers into one plate, stack the other plates underneath. I'll stack the cups too and wipe down the table as best as I can with a napkin before I leave.
I'm in the midwest, USA, and I do the same. It's pretty common practice here though not necessary or expected of you. It's just that many people were taught growing up to stay tidy or to make it easier on waiting staff. My whole family practices this and even as we work through a meal, we make an organized spot for the waitress to easily take away dishes as they are cleaned up if they wanna. It makes it easy on everyone, keeping the eating area tidy and less cluttered too.
The head nod thing you mentioned is regional here. I'm in Texas and we often do both smile and nod. We'll even nod or do a small "wave" when driving where we lift 2 fingers off the steering wheel to acknowledge another driver as we pass by. That's usually a way to say thanks as you pass by if someone lets you go first or something when driving. Its the same with a nod. If someone holds the door for me I'll smile, give a quick nod as I say thank you.
My wife and I (Americans, Southern California) went on vacation to the U.K a few months ago. One of the stops was Cobh,Ireland, and we took a train to Cork, home of some of our ancestors. As I was pushing my wife’s wheelchair along a bumpy sidewalk, we came across a close-to-elderly-but-not-quite-yet lady washing her front door and windows, which opened directly onto the sidewalk. We approached and wished her a good morning and asked if there was a pub nearby. She said that it was a “wee bit early for a pub” and they might not be open yet. We told her that drinking a pint of Guinness in an actual Irish pub was on both of our bucket lists and we’d be happy to sit and wait there for them to open. She smiled and informed us that if we were willing to sit and wait in front of the pub, then maybe we’d be willing to sit and wait in front of her door and tell her about our travels and our home, and she’d tell us all she could about Cork and Ireland in general. We spent a good hour and a half with that lovely lady, then followed her directions to fulfill an old dream. I guess that she hadn’t gotten the memo about not chatting with strangers LOL!
I was hiking in Exmoor a few years ago, and one day also visited a town (Minehead?) anyway, there was a couple sitting on a bench and they had a dachshund. I have two dachshunds here in Minneapolis and I naturally exclaimed “A wiener dog! What is her name? Can I pet her?” They said of course and we proceeded to chat about our dogs for ten minutes. Now to me that is perfectly natural, to start talking to strangers, but now I think maybe they thought it was strange. But they were perfectly charming to me and maybe they cut me some slack since I was obviously an American tourist, and one who needed a wiener dog fix!
That's Ireland. The Irish can, as we say, talk the hind leg off a donkey. There are just so many mistaken or exaggerated things said about any place that it's best to keep your eyes and ears open. Keep the advice in mind, but be prepared for it to be disproved. I read more than one "authority" who warned to always be rigorous about buying a round when it was your turn in an Irish pub. Shoot. I'd have had to fight someone to pay for a round when I was there. They behaved exactly as we would have at home with an Irish visitor.
American here, but spent some time in the UK. As far as differences in manners go I'll never forget being at what amounted to a house party in the UK when someone accidentally bumped into me causing me to spill some of my drink on the floor. I apologized to them (for being in their way) and asked the host for a rag to clean up the mess. Everyone thought I was the most polite person they have ever met. This is pretty common in the US even if it's essentially someone else's fault. It's really more about respect for the host and them opening up their home to you. An American would feel responsible about making a mess in their house regardless of whose "fault" it was.
Bruh, and here I am with my ass being like “Wtf bro, now I have to clean this shit up because you were running indoors.” If it is someone I know, I say sorry, though… This may perhaps be backward priorities.
We Brits apologise for EVERYTHING! Only the Canadians are more polite than us. 😂😂 Also, sorry to be a pain in the derrière, but what’s your stance on queuing? 😂😂
Regarding gifts, I usually ask if they want me to open now or can I open it later? Normally, they want you to open in front of them. For some, they’d rather you open it later. For birthday parties, there is a gift opening time during the party. For weddings and anniversaries, gifts are usually opened in private.
7:30 Something that the video didn't mention is that most the time when someone says "How are you?" they usually don't care about your response and it is 100% acceptable to respond with "How are you?". Responding the way the video said it tho is perfectly fine just wanted to add my piece
In America, be sure to hold the door if someone is coming up behind you. Upon visiting the Parliament building in the U.K., someone just let the door slam back and hit me but I caught it at the last minute. Then a gentleman standing nearby exclaimed, "Mind the Door!!" In America, someone will usually hold the door and if they do not see me and it hit me, someone else might say, "Are you OK?" I would not get rebuked for letting a door almost hit me. However, if I were a teen or college student, my peers would have just laughed at me (yes, even in America).
I always feel terrible when I hold the door for someone and am waiting, when they turn around to shout a quick "Hey man!" to somebody or something, and I accidentally slam the door in their face.
To be fair, that's just ignorant and bad manners in the UK too. It's just good manners to hold the door for someone and also to get the door for someone if they have their hands full or are pushing something. "Manners don't cost anything." was what everyone used to say when I was younger. I don't know if they still do now though. I'm only in my 30s, so I'm not talking decades ago.
We moved back to America after living in Belgium in Belgium for three years. I was trying to teach my 7 year old about how Americans like “personal space” (what her referred to as your bubble). She said, “but Mama you don’t have personal space.” I told her that when you become a Mama you give up your right to personal space. Some lady overheard and was laughing 😂
my son is 4 and I keep telling him not everyone likes it when he's invading their personal space. I called him a "space invader" and he caught on. Bluey can be very educational. Yes, every mama does give up their personal space for life. Unless it's stranger then my bubble is activated.
As an introvert, the small talk is something I absolutely never get used to, but I know that it's done to be polite. If you're like waiting for a bus or taking a ride on transit or something, it is considered rude to not acknowledge the person(s) you're sitting/standing with. And this is especially true of people older than you. That said, a simple "Good morning" will often do.
I'm a severe introvert myself, but I have to admit that getting used to the small talk has been the best thing for me. I forced myself to work customer service at a gas station for a couple years and through the bits of small talk I learned to do, I wound up making a good personal friend of the local Mayor as well as several members of the community who can get things done when they need done. Small talk is annoying and anxiety-driven for me even still, but I'm no longer afraid to say a few words in passing when I see someone I know and that's gotten me to a point where I can make a phone call and get darn near anything done that needs doing (so long as there's precedent for it and I'm not asking something outlandish)
There is a guy named Calvin Grimes, who has a hilarious YT channel, where he just starts bizarre conversations with folks in the grocery store. He’s in the country part of VA, and it’s always so fun to see how nice and friendly people react when he brings the shenanigans. It’s fun, mostly Shorts, and he is a hot mess!❤
They are incredibly sweet in the south. I have family in KY that we got through marriages and boy did they instantly make you feel like one of them. I swear the grandmas and aunties there would adopt full grown adults as their kids with how free they are with their affection and need to feed everybody, lmao! The kindness in the south felt amazing and I'm from the midwest where we are also pretty affectionate and kind. The south just felt even more so.
I'm from Texas, but I've been to the eastern states and I'll say, from Virginia down to Georgia, they've easily got us beat on being super outgoing and social. We're social and enjoy conversations here, yes, but we also have quite a few people who just want to avoid interaction. It seems like wanting to interact is almost a universal law for people over there lol. You guys keep being so nice, it's wonderful to see the smiles of friends and family who come back from visits or work trips saying some of your cities are the most welcoming places they've ever been... others not so much... looking at you Atlanta.
In some areas of the US it's actually ILLEGAL to sit in the front seat of a cab. This is usually in higher crime urban areas. In SOME places there will even be bars, a grill, or even bullet proof glass separating the front and back seats for the safety of the driver.
I always ask if I can sit in the front because I'm a big guy and it's easier to get in out of the front seat. Also a lot of taxi drivers have stuff all over the front seat, paperwork, newspaper, food so it's also not an option.
@@lennybuttz2162 Yeah, I prefer the front seat too, especially if I have very far to go since I get car sick and it's worse in the back than the front. I'm also on oxygen, so it's easier to accommodate my equipment in the front since, like you said, there's more leg room. But half of the time the driver will refuse such a request.
@@juliebaker6969 We used to have 3 taxi services but now just 1 so you have to reserve a time 1, 2 or even 3 days ahead of time. Then I tell them I want a van to pick me up because they have vans and cars. I've never had a taxi driver tell me I can't sit in the front.
I like that Americans are known for smiling at people. One of the few good things people recognize us for 😂 And having polite conversations with strangers. I don’t always want to talk to people when I go out to run errands, but it’s nice to have a little chat with a friendly person. “Small talk” isn’t my cup of tea, though. I prefer more interesting things.
@@user-tp4jl4xt6w (I`m Russian) because not everyone in the world likes when a stranger starts to talk to them out of a sudden. A lot of people don`t consider it polite if someone tries to start a conversation with a person they don`t know, I`m sorry. Why would you do that, seriously? My personal maximum of "small talk" is to ask what time it is if I`m not wearing a watch or my cellphone`s battery is dead or to ask for directions in a district or a town I`m not familiar with. And it`s the same for the most people in my country.
@@MariaStarkTargaryen I 100% understand, some northern US states are pretty introverted compared to the rest of the country so I get your point. It all comes down to cultural differences
@@MariaStarkTargaryen the fact that not everyone in the world enjoys it doesn't automatically mean that people that do try to have friendly conversations are being fake. I'm fairly introverted and not one for a ton of small talk with loads of people but that doesn't mean I assume people who do try to start conversations with me are just putting on some kind of act. you can tell when someone is being fake nice by the kinds of things they say to you or about others, not by the simple act of starting a conversation
We are cognizant that a polite greeting or small talk has a positive effect on someone's day. Especially elders who may not have regular visitors or may even be shut-ins (depending on situation). It is NOT fake- its just a fact that every single person is an individual who may or may not enjoy being 'seen' for possibly the first time that day and there are studies that show it brings people a sense of connection and is good for mental health. Stay at home moms who only hear 'baby-talk' all day appreciate that. Cashiers who only hear, "What's my total?" appreciate that. Cops who see a lot of bad stuff that need reminding humanity is tolerable need that. It doesn't mean anyone is trying to intrude on their lives; it's a huge country and we are aware we may never see that person again. You have that one chance to make a first impression and to be a light instead of more darkness. We have a saying, "Be the change you want to see" but its really just another version of "Do unto others" Some people say 'Just be kind' it all means to uplift each other because you don't know what the other person is going thru. You don't know how close that person is to the abyss.
As a former server if i go out and the service is horrible ill tip $2-3. If the restaurant is packed and and kitchen is backed up or kitchen messes up my order. That wont effect the tip ill still tip 15%. I remember how shitty it felt when customers made it a point to tell me i would have gotten a bigger tip of the kitchen hadn't messed up their order. Or they didnt like what they ordered and instead of telling me so i could fix it they took away my tip even tho i came back multiple times to ask how everything was and to refill their drinks.
6:08 it’s less that we like small talk, more that we hate awkward silences. You tend to see less small talk in loud bustling cities. More like when you’re in line in a quiet place for several minutes. And whenever you’re in a smaller town, especially shops and such. It’s a vibe thing. Match the vibe
True. Tony Hillerman, the famous author of books about the Navajo police, had one of his Navajo detectives note that Belagaanas (whites) are very uncomfortable about silences, whereas the Navajos will stay silent considering it rude to babble on. One of Tony's detective characters used this fact to get people to give him details he wanted. He would just remain silent and the Belagaana would be so uncomfortable he'd start blabbering out the goods.
It always makes me laugh when I start to have small talk with someone outside of the USA and they immediately relax when they hear my accent. At first they'll be closed off, but then there is this moment of "Oh American" and they just kind of go with it. I'm from the south so "yall" is a given. I started talking to someone in Versailles(offering to take a photo of a couple as the lighting was nice) and another person over heard my accent and immediately came over. We found out we were from the same state/area. It was honestly lovely. We ended up meeting up a few times before they left to go home.
Years back my father decided to take us Cap St Ignace (Canada) for our holiday and halfway through the totally French part of Quebec our van broke down. No English tv. No one but our family members to speak with. Then on the fifth day we heard some child yell, "Hey Mom!!!". Lol, we bolted out the door like jack-rabbits. Funny how hearing your own language after a period of not doing will wake you up!!!
In the U.S. if you don’t at least acknowledge someone in a confined space they are likely to on guard that you’re plotting something. Using the elevator for example it could be something as simple as “What Floor you need?” “6, thanks” and then it can go quiet
What😂 lived there all my life. Had a few people that didnt give me the feel goods about getting in the elevator with me. But the criteria didnt involve explicitly acknowledging my existence. 😂😅
@@TheLisaGatei think elevator quiet is the norm now, especially with complete strangers. Though, older folk usually chat first-too blessed to stress at that age i guess
As a German I would "acknowledge" other people in an elevator - meet their eyes, a short nod, something like that. If it's at work, I'd say hello or something like that. But that's all - chatting only for special occasions like really bad weather outside etc.
I really enjoyed your commentary and reactions. I hope you get to visit America soon. I'm from California, but I live in Idaho now. I've been to Europe and lived in Italy for a few years while in the Navy. I experience culture shock every time I visit a new place in America and in Europe. Lesson learned: For all our differences, we are still the same. :) Keep making these great videos!
As an ex-waitress, the biggest insult a customer can do to a bad waitress/waiter is to leave them a penny tip. Bad waitresses/waiters will get it right away.
To my recollection I have never stiffed waitstaff. Tips are important in the service industry. It's not easy and many patrons are very rude to their servers. God bless em.
@@GCDesigner_101 If everyone stopped tipping, employers will be forced to actually pay their customers properly. And this isn't getting into how people believe they are entitled to tips.
I'm an American, and shoes in the house are absolutely a no-go for our home and those of most people in our region. Best to play it safe and remove shoes unless it's pretty visibly clear that it's a shoes-on home.
I was visiting my boyfriend who lived in England and us and his friends went to watch a movie together. After the movie was over I heard one of the guys go, "Well you could defiantly tell where the American was in the theater" because I guess I laughed loud compared to others in the room. I didn't realize I was so much louder then others.
I had a UberEats delivery yesterday. It was raining like crazy all day. As the delivery guy stood under my awning, I spoke to him about the weather for a minute and he left with a big smile on his face. That's what small talk is about. I was also smiling to myself because I had made his day a tiny bit more pleasant.
YES! I like to chat with people at the checkout because they're a human being - standing there all day scanning groceries must be beyond the pale boring. Why not brighten their day and acknowledge them as a person, make their day go a little better/faster, etc. That could be me standing there - how would I like to be treated? The golden rule :)
@@user-kz2yw7pu5ygotta love hearing another mention the golden rule. I'd already replied to another comment and I mentioned it, lol. It's deeply ingrained in many of my generation (millenial) imo.
I'm American--Don't wear your shoes in my house. Actually everyone I know prefers you take your shoes off in the house. This is becoming common courtesy so I just do it whenever I go to someone's house.
12:18 if you do this in the United States and don’t accept the polite “no”, don’t be surprised if the American gets angry or tries ending the conversation. Anyone who doesn’t accept our no or tries changing our mind is seen as a scammer, rude, and/or arrogant. Same goes with “yes”. Yes means yes.
At least for me, I notice that (as an American) a lot of us combine the smile with a head nod, like whenever I pass someone on a walk, if we make eye contact or something its just a quick acknowledgement and sometimes it can brighten peoples day!
Yes, it’s like an energy check, it is reassuring and makes me feel safe. It makes me nervous when someone doesn’t even acknowledge my presence, especially when passing in an isolated corridor.
I've always seen it as the head nod is "I acknowledge your presence" and the smile is "I'm friendly, and you're safe here", If someone does both, it's a welcome thing, but one or the other suffices to let someone know your intentions aren't nefarious in any way
also if you’re in the midwest be prepared to be driving down a two way two lane road and be given a little wave from the person coming from the opposite direction. sometimes just two fingers lifted off the steering wheel as a sort of “wave”. don’t ask why we do it idk😂
I usually only see that in more rural areas. Apparently motorcyclists do it often, and people who drive the same make/model of cars. I'm guessing it's sporty or less common cars. My boyfriend drives a Subaru WRX, they always acknowledge each other, and sometimes approach the other car in a parking lot to admire the other lol.
I'm American and last summer I visited a bunch of European countries. The differences about talking/not talking to strangers was one of the bigger cultural differences I noticed. In the USA, strangers are often quick to help you if you get a bit lost (as long as you keep a safe distance) and are genuinely happy to help. In Europe people just look at you like you’re crazy. They are more guarded. Europe is better in many ways and the US is better at other things.
Americans really do like their bubble space. After having been in Britain and western Europe, the bubble really stood out. In Scotland, we went into a tea shop. As we three sat at a table, a couple came in and sat at the end. We looked at each other, side-eyed the couple, back at each other, side-eyed them again, then wondered why they'd sit at "our" table. They completely ignored us, which we thought was odd (maybe they had been arguing or just having a bad day?). Our friends later shared that people there share spaces. What a concept!
yeah this is a big thing here in America that doesn't happen in most European countries. Here, if we're seated at a table for a diner or restaurant, the general rule is that's our table and nobody else will use it. In Europe, if there are empty seats somewhere, typically they'll seat someone there, even if the table is being used by others already. I find it a good way to make friends if you break that social barrier and ask one of the other party a question. You'll get some stares at first, but ask the right question or in the right way and you're in. Really breaks the tension that you feel as an American, because now everyone is involved in the meal conversation. Once you get the question right enough times you learn to be a pretty good guess at what you should ask a certain group lol.
As an American, don't worry too much about the small talk thing outside of business etiquette. It's common, but not so common that everyone converses with everyone at random. Usually it's either a result of high spirits ("You seem happy today, what's up?"), curiosity about something genuine ("Did you say there's a concert in town?"), or an apparent/obvious mutual interest ("Dude is that a Cryoshell t-shirt? I love that band!").
It depends on the region. Midwest? We chat up folks all the time. The coasts and big cities? Everyone ignores each other and it's rude to chat people up.
seems like something that is becoming less common lately, but much stronger in rural areas. My grandma goes to Walmart and by the time she leaves she knows everyone's favorite color and their full life history of everyone in the store. That's a lost art it seems. lol
@@ravinhud4979 Yeah, sitting behind the driver is sketchy. But at least America you can more covertly reach for your gun. But the more annoying thing would be when the rider gets bored and messes with your entertainment system.
@@ravinhud4979at least in most big cities the cabs commonly have a panel of bulletproof plexiglass between the driver and the back seat with just little grills and slots to exchange words and payment.
A word about the American "bubble" (our personal space). I don't know how many Americans have noticed this, but it varies according to what region you're from. In general, people who are from densely crowded cities tend to have a larger invisible "bubble." Whereas, people from "the country" (as we say, meaning, more sparsely populated rural areas) tend to be more comfortable with a smaller "bubble." Our "bubble" is a subconscious defense mechanism against feeling crowded as well as feeling the need for more privacy.
I'm 66, Black, and live in Florida. I was taught as a child to never address an adult by their first name and it still surprises me to hear sons- or daughters-in-law call their spouses parents by their first name. At a minimum, you could call an adult female "Miss (first name)" regardless of marital status and all men were called "Mr. (first or last name)." I know very few people who ask you to remove your shoes at their homes with the exception of my Asian friends and some Caribbean friends. I make sure to take a pair of socks when I'm invited over. I'm a smiler but if I encounter someone who is unresponsive to a smile, I just ignore them and walk on. A smile can really make someone's day because you never know what people are going through and it's such a small gesture to lift a person's spirit.
I’m a Montanan (57) and we taught our children and now grandchildren to address adults as “Miss” or “Mister” and then the Last Name. Once they became familiar, if they were invited to call the person by their first name, it was understood that they still used Miss or Mister - ie. Miss Becky. Regarding shoes, we, too, taught a “no shoes” policy in homes out of respect. In our own home, the kids could wear their “indoor” shoes if they chose but usually they preferred just socks. These small gestures of respect instilled young have far reaching impact.
I think the shoe thing is a Florida thing and maybe states near it?removing shoes is a practice my family started years ago when we live in Japan, and continue to this day. many years later in the US. We had a Florida visitor about a year ago that was greatly confused why every1 kept taking their shoes off upon entering the house, and other ppls houses.... I also think this trend grew in the US over the years as it was way more common place when we moved back stateside.
I have my young kids address familiar adults (like neighbors) by Mr./Ms. [first name]. It still keeps things casual while letting them know it’s a sign of respect.
This is so true! I also grew up in Florida and taught this- maybe it’s a Southern thing to address parents/older folks with an added “Mrs/Miss” or “Mr”
Tourists who go to the supermarket in the US should always place the plastic partition after they’ve placed all of their items on the conveyor belt. It lets the person behind them know “it’s ok for you to load your stuff now”. Not putting down the partition and, worse, standing in the way to prevent the person behind you from loading their stuff on a half empty conveyor belt is basically saying “I’m the only person in the world who matters.” Following the partition rule is just common courtesy.
The server uses your tables at a restaurant. It isn't the same for fast food places. I agree, there's nothing less satisfying than giving a gift and not seeing the person's reaction. People in general are friendly and polite but respect our personal space.
Oh! Something to know for Brits coming to the US: I was at a wedding reception once with a friend from England, and she kept turning to me and saying, "Are you alright?" I was told later that this is just how Brits say "what's up", but in the US, we only really use that phrase if we think something's wrong: like someone's hurt or looks upset. I got really annoyed that she kept asking me that!! lol
I find that the longer it's silent in a place with a stranger, the more awkward it becomes to break the silence. The quicker someone speaks, the more relaxed the atmosphere becomes, even if silence follows. But I'm a Texan, and that's just how we roll.
About small talk, I tend to compliment people when I'm out and about. Telling someone their dress is pretty, their T-shirt is funny, or their hair looks great can really make their day! They may need a little cheering up. You never know.
Oh god are you Texan or Midwestern? My ex was Texan and he always wanted to chat up strangers in the Northeast I had to keep telling him NO they don’t want to talk to you. Leave that person on the train platform alone.
@jodyharnish9104 But never ever compliment someone to their face, as in you doing a full stop and then the compliment. You do it in passing. Like walking by someone going in the opposite direction, you say, "love those shoes!" or "That is a cool tie." and keep walking. They will look shocked and then pleased, and their voice will follow you with a "thank you!" to which you reply, with a casual glance backward as you are still walking away from them, "You're welcome - you have a super day." and you never stop walking... which then ends the conversation. Can't compliment someone in a waiting room or who's going in the same direction as you, as then you'll get the "I got these shoes as !!X place, you know it?" and then you're stuck talking to someone when you just wanted to give them a smile for the day. (like you said, you're just making them smile and its unbelievable how great that can feel to a person)
@@montanateri6889 I've had some lovely conversations start this way, actually! I've had several people respond to a compliment on something by happily telling me that they got it at a thrift store, and then we get into a chat about thrift stores.
@@ladyelainefairchild3546 I'm from Kansas, but I live in Washington state now. People in Washington are pretty friendly, so it's easy to strike up a conversation. I had a friend visit from England once, and he was very surprised when we went to the grocery store. The people there greeted him happily by saying things like, "Oh, you must be her friend from England! How do you like it here?". My friend said you wouldn't get that in England. It really made him feel welcome.
I watched a movie that took place in the UK where a group of people took the same train every day but they never spoke to each other until one guy decided to change it. I remember thinking how strange that was because here if you take the train (especially the commuter train) with the same people, you start talking to them, sitting with them, becoming at least a little part of their lives. We all have who we call "train friends".
I think that sitting in the back of taxies has a lot to do with personal space. Honestly to this day my “stranger danger” alarms go off if I have to sit directly next to someone in public without my bubble - like if I can’t skip a seat in a movie theater for example. Same with a cab. I would feel like I am in my driver’s personal bubble. Sitting next to someone is reserved for people you already know, or at the very least have ALREADY had introductory small talk with. A cab driver you still don’t know yet. Maybe they will feel familiar enough to sit next to by the end of the ride if you chat the whole time, MAYBE, but by then the ride is over. You will notice though that the more you are forced together or even forced to touch, the more the conversation will increase. It’s almost like a way of showing some one you are not a threat, while they show you they aren’t one either. Not that it’s necessarily true, but at least you can tell if someone is incoherently batsh*t from small talk. You also might make new friends.
I’ve never sat in the front seat of a cab in any country (except Morocco,because we had to pay by the seat. I had to share the front seat with another lady, and there were 4 guys in the back seat, we also had loads of luggage on the roof. It was an interesting 30 minute ride). If I’m with a friends, we will make the man sit up front. If it’s all girls, we’ll all squeeze in the back.
As a southerner, if I made eye contact with someone and didn’t either speak or nod my head with a smile, my mother would whack me and say “act like you were raised in a house and not a barn”. I was expected to “speak” which means acknowledge the other human being in the room. That’s just normal behavior, one would think.
I know in certain places, like Japan, see it as polite to slurp your food to show the cook that you're enjoying your meal. But, in the US, it's seen as rude to slurp your food/drink, chew with your mouth open, and talk with food in your mouth.
No. It's myth. There's no stigma against slurping slightly in parts of Asia, but it's not considered polite. A lot of us learned this in the 2000s, but it's a cultural misunderstanding.
@@DelphineDentonmy 55-year-old Japanese teacher FROM JAPAN literally taught us this in high school though, so is it a myth? Maybe it's just a regional thing! Like how people from Kyoto are generally gonna be different from people from Osaka. Or someone raised in San Francisco is gonna be different from someone from Marfa, Texas. Idk what to tell you, I don't think she'd lie to us for fun, though.
To begin with, I’m 65, and a teacher/minister, so I’m not afraid to talk to strangers. One of my favorite stunts when I get into a quiet, crowded elevator is to step in, look everyone in the eye, and say, “You’re probably wondering why I called you all here”. It breaks the ice, makes everyone laugh and the small talk begins to flow.
We do the head nod, too! The tip thing is because servers aren’t paid a living wage 😢 They should be so tipping culture is a thing due to that. Unless the service is abysmal, you generally tip at least 20%, which I find easier to calculate tbh.
The personal bubble thing is real, you mentioned about shoulder bumping someone. DO NOT do that here in America. That generally means you are looking for a fight. You risk getting seriously hurt.
Most likely the American would just pull away and tell you to knock it off before it escalated into a fight. In most cases, you'd have to seriously violate someone's boundaries for it to result in you getting hurt.
In elevators specifically, we generally at least say "hello", whoever is closer to the buttons says "which floor?' "and presses your floor for you, and you just say "thanks". I like to be by the buttons so I can press them for people, its a novelty that never wore off for me, kids love to be the button pusher lol
The no shoes things is very much not universal in the US. You are better off asking if the host wants you to take your shoes off. It is generally considered a little pushy to ask people to take their shoes off directly, but that doesn't necessarily mean they want you wearing shoes in their house. I'd say the polite thing to do is ask, because a lot of people will say yes to taking off your shoes (even if they wouldn't have asked you to do so unprompted)
Exactly! Our family prefers no shoes, but wouldn't want to come off as rude by pushing for it at the door. When visiting others I naturally prefer no shoes too, but some places they actually tell you to keep them on which I find weird. I mean, yea socks may be a lil sweaty, but shoes have a huge array of bacteria or unknown substances on them...
As an American, I know many other people, including myself who hate small talk. It’s just kind gesture to do, but it’s not something everyone here likes to engage in so be mindful if visiting, please.
Just got back from visiting family in the UK, and instead of how we greet with, "hi, how are ypu", some family greeted with a, "are you alright?" Took me off gaurd at first since my first initial thought response was, "do I not look alright?". Lol
@@jewellhershey america is so large that the various regions all have different customs, some parts in the US some things are just fine while in others its like backhanding the person youre speaking to or something lol. Ive moved all around in my lifetime, gotta say now i just avoid small chitchat cause you never know whats gonna tick someone off or confuse them
@@captainmycaptain8334Aren’t you sort of preaching to the choir? I was born in the USA in the 1940s and have lived here all my life. I have family, friends, and acquaintances all over the country. I am well aware of regional customs, hence my comment.
Tipping in the US isn't to show gratitude, its because the employers don't pay their staff a living wage. In Europe and UK its just to show gratitude for a job well done. We won't tip if the staff were rude or very slow.
Many Americans tip even if the service is rude or slow, even if the tip itself is lower. The $2.13/hr wage (minimum common in too many states) isn’t really adequate even in areas with a low cost of living. Plus many restaurants have a tip sharing system, so even if the server is bad, it’s not the fault of the host or busser who may be receiving a share of the tip.
That's not true. Living wage doesn't mean anything. If they were not paid a "living wage," no one would do the job. We tip: To Insure Prompt Service T.I.P.S. Service people get paid more than you think. I will tip every chance I get because it is good to reward people for their hard work. And people who don't try and don't work as hard should get paid less.
@catcacher that is not true. No matter what they have to be paid the state minimum wage. Maybe 2.13 from the restaurant then 20 an hr from tips. That is 22 an hour. If you don't get any tips the restaurant has to pay 10 an hr or what whatever your state minimum wage is. But with tips you have the opportunity to make a lot more than minimum wage based on your performance and effort. You be an employer and pay 10 an hr no one will be willing to take the job. Even 15 an hour is hard to find an employee you would want for your company. In my town they are hiring gas station employees at 18 dollars an hour. No one likes the restaurant business enough to take 15$ less per hour.
The wait staff prefers tips over “living wage” because tips were not reported and not taxable until very recently. Less than five years age they tried to force a living wage on wait staff in NY and the people protested. They keep more making tips.
The problem is that it becomes a circular problem. The more people tip, the less the employer has to pay. Tipping in the U.S. for sit down restaurant service has been standard for a long time. But now a lot of places are trying to make it standard for all sorts of service (example: take-out). If that becomes customary, wages will go down. Tipping culture in the U.S. needs to change. It is out of control.
You should not tip in England/Europe at restaurants because their employees are paid a decent hourly wage. US waiters and waitresses are NOT paid, not even a minimum wage, by their employing restaurants. They are paid by the customers directly.
Well I think it depends on what part of the country you're in. I moved to California from the South and spoke to someone in the elevator and asked how he was doing today. The man looked at me like I was crazy! So I made him think I was really crazy when I then said "Oh good. I'm doing pretty well myself." 😂 He backed up against the wall and held on for dear life! 😂
@@dolphingirl3698 i think it's also how you do it. Asking someone how they are normally implies that you are aware of WHO they are. I think sometimes it's much more comfortable to make an observation, maybe about the elevator or something odd in the facility. Sometimes just both people noticing something and mentioning it first brings about small talk. Asking how someone is when you don't know them and they're strangers can feel really weird. But this comment made me laugh my head off!
In a big city but in Texas so maybe it's different. We don't normally engage in small talk in the elevator but do in other places. I think because in the elevator, people are stuck there with you privately before they get off. Sometimes people will talk or make a joke, but it's less common. Normally, if you are in an elevator and someone else enters: you smile, nod, or say good day, though. If you're in a hotel, it's common to engage in conversation unless it's late in the evening. People on vacation tend to want to talk more and sometimes find out cool places to visit by striking a conversation. There's like all these weird nuances.
@@Nuadin I too live in a large city in Texas. This incident happened over 35 years ago. My home city is no longer the same as it was then. At that time, people were very friendly with strangers and even our drivers were courteous. But too many people migrated from Northern cities and California too quickly, along with immigrants from around the world. Unfortunately, too much migration and immigration too fast, without allowing time for the newcomers to assimilate, changes a culture--not necessarily for the best. Rather than adjusting to the Southern way, they brought their dog-eat-dog attitudes with them.
Walk at the same speed as everyone else. In big cities people walk fast, but some spaces have a slower walking speed. If you need to be slow get out of the way of faster people by pulling to the right or towards a wall. Don't be afraid of asking for directions if you get lost or your gps messes up around big buildings. You'll find most americans are very helpful, and at the root i think its that we value efficiency and kind of project ourselves onto someone who is struggling. People who don't work at stores will point you in the right direction to find things, people on the street will stop and help you if your purse spills, etc.
Sidewalks, hallways, escalators, we move to the 'slow lane' (right side) to allow faster movers to pass on the left just as we drive. Probably the opposite in countries that drive on the left.
As an American, my family ALWAYS tips at restaurants in our home town. The waiters don't make enough on their own with their paychecks, so tipping is a must so they can afford to live. I always feel bad for waiters who get yelled at or snapped at. They weren't the ones to cook your food a little too much/little, so don't yell at them and snapping at someone for their attention is rude. I use the ways that the deaf community do in the states, waving at them/making vibrations in some way/flickering the lights(when they're comfortable with that). Much kinder and shows that you understand it's rude to snap or yell.
In US, on the east coast. it’s perfectly fine to say “hell no” or “hard pass”. It’s more of a California thing to beat around the bush trying not to offend. People are way more direct in the east.
It's not just California. In most of the country it would be pretty rare to respond to an offer that way. "No, thank you" is a pretty common way to clearly refuse an offer.
From tip 5: yes we do feel super awkward when nobody acknowledges each other in small spaces like the elevator. However this differs depending where in the USA you are. For example, in the South or Midwest you can expect a full on conversation to happen. But in New England, it may be as little as a nod or smile.
South also depends which state as well as urban, suburbs or rural. Males tend to nod their heads and just say a greeting such as good morning, good afternoon or good evening and nothing else (they do not usually want a conversation) but the women are a completely different story.
Where I live in California, it's fine either way. Some people ignore each other on the elevator, but most people will smile, say hi, nod, or at least give a quick glance at them. Some might comment on the weather if it is unusually hot, cold, stormy, etc. You don't often see any more conversation than that. Usually, people don't look at each other or talk after the quick greeting. If an approaching person has difficulties, such as trouble walking, a wheelchair, kids, etc., most people will hold the elevator door open for them. (But often not if the person coming down the hall looks young & healthy - especially if they're more than a few feet away. I guess people figure they're fine to wait for the next one, or they would have ran to catch it.) As someone who has trouble walking, it's touching to see the kindness of a stranger to help me out.
For me I’ll just sit in the opposite end of the elevator, occasionally I’ll say “hi” if they make eye contact. There was that one time a guy tried to hit on me in an elevator, that was weird, cause not only am I lesbian, but I also can’t understand if someone flirting with me. He was just making me uncomfortable
Elevator etiquette: reporting for work at the beginning of the day is a no talking zone, using the elevator in a department store, hospital, or hotel requires some small interaction. Never let the doors close on someone you can see rushing to make it.
RE Tipping.... part of the reason Americans tip and some will leave a tip if the kitchen messes up, etc, is because we don't pay our servers properly at MOST sitdown restaurants. The pricier restaurants may pay better, but not always. In some parts of the US *even in 2024* servers only are paid *2-3$ an hour* and the REST of their income is tips. That's the real,reason people tip here.
Foreigners and Americans - even Americans who work as servers - dont understand how tips work in the US. If not enough tips are declared/recorded, then the restaurant *MUST* pay the server the difference to ensure they are making at least the minimum wage in the state where they work.
American here with the best travel advice ever. Anywhere in America, if you are lost in the city, find the nearest pizza shop. They deliver all over the area & will give you landmarks to look for & know the names of all the roads & the quickest way to get there. If you’re lost on our highways, ask a semi truck driver at a gas station (petrol stop) & they will always help you get in the proper direction. Most times, if they are going in the same direction, they will have you follow behind them “just follow me!”
A Belarusian friend was mortified when I asked a police officer for directions and a recommendation for food while walking in Baltimore. He also seemed shocked that I got both...
This is a true story about nice semi drivers and kindness. I was hitch hiking home from SD, I got a virus and was very sick. This was in 1971. A nice young guy offered to help me get home. In Ohio we got a ride from a semi-driver. He let me lay down in the back of his cab while my friend and the driver talked all the way to Baltimore. The driver drove into town all the way to my house. Tipped his hat and went on his way. My chaperone friend went on his way the next morning. You would think a girl hitch-hiking alone would have been a disaster. All I met was kindness and friendliness the whole month. I started my bucket list early.
NOT anymore!!! Female trucker of 14 years. Plus ..now a days most of those truckers are totally ignorant of highways!!! Majority couldn't find their way out of a paper bag w/out gps!!
I’m in Houston Texas. Here our waitstaff makes $2.13 an hour. Tips are all of their income. Most services like hairdressers, nail techs, cab drivers get a small cut of what’s charged. Again tips is the majority of their income.
Kinda crappy that's the one business where they get away with not having to pay workers a full wage like that while everyone else from other industries has to pay their employees full wages. They should just make it min wage across all states where workers aren't totally dependent on tips IMO
The gift thing does have some exceptions, like if it's a specific gathering such as a wedding or birthday party. There might be a designated place for the gifts to be placed and they may or may not open them during the event.
A rule of thumb about shoes indoors: The more south you are, (or rather, the warmer the climate) the less likely it is that you'll need to take your shoes off (unless they're dirty). While in the cooler areas, such as near the Canadian border, it's pretty common to have to take your shoes off. This is mainly because in the cold north (I'll use North Dakota as an example because I lived there), there is snow on the ground for a large portion of the year, and keeping your shoes on would not only track in snow that would get the floors wet, but also the sand and salt that's used to thaw the roads and sidewalks. This rule is also for the summer, but that's likely out of habit.
People getting in my bubble is the ONE thing that freaks me out the most. And as for touching, if Im talking to someone and feel deeply towards what they are saying, I will say "are you a hugger? Im a hugger" and they will say yes or no - a lot of people don't like being touched by strangers and will freely tell you "no, I'm not a hugger". It's not derogatory towards you, it's just how they feel, and is genuinely respected.
I know this is probably coming a long time after this comment was posted, but I had to chime in: I AM a hugger, usually. If I've gotten in deep enough with someone that they're asking if hugs are OK, hugs're probably OK. I have told one person ONCE that I wasn't a hugger, and it WAS meant as an insult and SHE knew it, which is all either of us needed from that exchange. (the person in question was awful and the person I was ACTUALLY there to see had been put through hell by her, so he was filled with glee by my sunny, oh-so-sugary-sweet Southern verbal slap. She looked like she'd swallowed an unripe lemon when I Uno Reverse'd her dominance display by converting an unsolicited hug into a handshake.)
Yea it's pretty common in the midwest to hug if greeting a new family member or friend of a family member. It depends on the person if they remember to ask first or not, but usually they will take a cue as they approach if they are receptive or not. The women here are often huggers towards non strangers (or soon to be family members).
I was on a freeway that was completely stopped from a semi accident blocking all of the lanes. After sitting there for about an hour, people started getting out of their cars and chatting with one another. :)
I saw some of my fellow Americans one morning on a blocked freeway get out and start eating their lunches (they were on their way to work with lunch boxes) and even shared stuff with each other.
Reminds me of a recent semi accident that had the road completely blocked. Lady got out to ask how long it would take, and then reported back to the other drivers including my mom. Thank god she did that, because it was going to take forever. My mom decided to just drive into another state, and take a round about way of getting home.
1 thing i learned about the 'small talk' thing is: Brits think it's rude to intrude or impress yourself on others, whereas Americans think it's rude to ignore or BE ignored.
If you are driving anywhere, use the center turn lane if there is one. And if you are using it for your turn, dont break before you are in it. that's what it's for. So you dont imped traffic. That too goes for Americans that dont know how to use the center turn lane btw
The personal bubble is critical in the U.S. ! Example : a lady in line in front of me at the grocery store, step backwards, and her purse brushed slightly up against me , she panicked and said :"sorry sorry sorry !" It's even more extreme now since COVID-19! 😮
@@lauraelizabethbrown No , not at all. I was just observing that it (COVID ) has created this new dynamic ; of people being more concerned over personal space .
I'm always concerned about personal space. Partly because of things like COVID and my personal health situation.... But that also includes any flus or bugs that are going around especially during cold and flu season. However my main reason for wanting to enforce my own personal space has nothing to do with worrying about getting sick and everything to do about triggering PTSD issues when someone gets too close to me in an aggressive way.
@@lauraelizabethbrownhonestly everyone should still be worried about it because it's not going away and instead is becoming a regular thing just like the Spanish flu from 1918 is the progenitor of the flu viruses that we deal with today. That is what is going to happen and is happening with COVID so it should be a concern at least as far as things like the flu are especially during cold and flu season. Also it should be a concern because there are people that have to go out into the public that have medical conditions that make them more susceptible to viruses. This is an example of why I tend to most often wear a mask when I go someplace where I'm going to be inside around a bunch of people like at a grocery store. No most people right now are not wearing masks because of COVID but those that are should not be getting knocked for it.
More than likely that person has either experienced the loss of someone due to the recent COVID pandemic or has been verbally or physically accosted because of bumping into someone and then reacting like a full-on appendix, I don't like using the term Karen's because I happen to know at least one Karen that is completely wonderful but she gets all the bad jokes because she was born with the name therefore they are appendixes, and have just gotten in the habit of quickly apologizing in order to avoid having that happen to them again.
In the Southern part of the US people are a little more open to being touched. We are big huggers so don’t be surprised, if after a somewhat lengthy conversation you get a loose hug or slap on the back. Our bubbles often merge! 🤣 Plus, we talk to almost anyone near us for long. It would be un-southern not to.
Strangers who insist on handshaking or hugging are not endearing themselves to me. If you want to greet me, say "hi" or nod your head (or both). I only hug family, close friends, and my cat.
Ooo, and the cheek kiss, usually by relatives. And if you hear "Bless her/his heart", they just got insulted. But we will go out of our way to help someone in need.
I came here to say this. I'm a Texan, and I'm open to hugging a stranger, although I don't usually initiate one without an invitation. For business, handshakes only, but when meeting new friends, I'll hug. We're the Friendship state, so when traveling, it is hard for me not to meet people's eyes on the street and say hello or make small talk at grocery stores.
yea no, were def politer and slightly more friendly but there is no hugging strangers. lots of polite smiling and hellos and maybe a wave or a handshake...no hugs unless i know u.
I'm southern and not a bit of that is true for me. Other than shaking hands, I do not touch people and they do not touch me. That includes friends and family.
Here in Sweden.. - Most people don't care if you want to salt, pepper, ketchup etc your food. - We rarely tip.. maybe at some nice restaurant, but that's all. - Most of us clean up after ourselves in fastfood places. - We love our personal space and feel weirded out if someone want to do a kiss greeting. - Most of us are reserved and don't like to talk to strangers. I don't mind talking to strangers though. - Taking off your shoes is the default setting here when you enter someones home. Unless they say anything else, take off your shoes. - We always call people by their first names. Yes, even strangers, doctors, teachers etc.. Everybody is called by their first name here.
As an autistic american, I have spent quite a while trying to learn social cues. In rural areas: If someone nods and waves from there car, smile and wave/nod back. [They are just implying "have a good day" or "hello"] They also may be more open to giving and recieving hugs or handshakes (even if you barely know them) In general: Personal bubble can be intruded depending on the context. We just dont like touch from strangers [From me]: Nodding is just fine. If you smile and nod, it will replace any painful small talk. (Also, imo, small talk is stupid. Why not have an interesting conversation instead and make a new friend?) And remember, the US is freaking huge. There are many cultural differences, and many places to explore. Even driving through the passover states can be interesting.
I'm also autistic (born and raised in the south), and I love small talk. To me, small talk indicates a friendly conversation, but no real desire to get to know the other person beyond that. I especially lean on my small talk script whenever I just can't come up with actual conversation.
@@astyrblu9533 I can understand why. Small talk can be a comforting thing, but in my case, I find it quite boring because every response is the bare minimum. I like actually learning about people, but when they respond with "Fine." Or "Good." Instead of actually providing unique and situational information, I feel foreign and incredibly annoyed that Im not actually having a valuable conversation with someone. Nonetheless, Im glad you have a comfortable script for small talk that you can use. It is a notoriously difficult concept for autistic individuals to implement. So good job bud! ^^
As a person who lives in one of the "pass over states" we really don't care for that term. It implies that we are unimportant and insignificant, which is very rude.
