Bruiser - Do you do poison? 

this is what it must be like to work in a shop in a game like fallout and the player walks in

Shopping for the dark brotherhood

Plot twist: He's just an author, because that's exactly what their search history looks like

“Do they still shoot tourists in Florida” “Mainly sir yes“ “Mega”

"That very deep noise that makes you do a shiiit" Lmfao

“Could a holiday HURT a person?” This man’s asking the big questions Edit: since putting this comment here I went to Lanzarote and on day 1 I got a call from the person looking after my dog saying she let her outside and she was hit by a car, then throughout the rest of the holiday I was bedridden sick and threw up all over. So yes, a holiday can definitely hurt a person.

I work in retail and I can say, these are easily the fifth worst customer type ever

"Do they still shoot tourists in Florida?" "Mainly, sir, yes."

What a nice guy, he is really thinking about the health risks that is brought on by common items.

he does this so the fbi cant track him through google

I just want to curl up with a good book! .... Do you have books that make people curl up? Permanently? In agony? Gets me every time.

"HOW HOTS THAT COFFEE" "Piping sir" "GOOD IDEA."

Episode 1 was actually the test footage for the new series of "Sherlock".

"Could you make a person so relaxed that they forgot to live?" How have I not seen this before.

The fact he is going back and forth to several stores indicates that he has attempted murder multiple times, failed, and got away with it

"Is it safe to swim in the harbour?" "not at the moment" "you star" Haha

"have you got any hammers that will smash bone" "yeah over there in the tools department" Hmm yeah... Lester would know

“ Why do they die?” is strangely existential.

Could you make a person shit their whole selves? I think of that one often.

"no sir just poison, this is a poison shop sir" "now i'm confused"

"Could I borrow your stamp?" "If you like..." *B O N Z A H*

I fucking love this. Especially the fact that people just keep answering his questions in confusion as if they kinda know what he's going for, but they're too afraid to show it or make him angry.

- Do you do poison? - No sir, this is RU-vid. We just do videos. - What's the longest video you do? Do you do a video so long that you die of old age while watching it? - Well it would depend on how old you were at the time. - A 50-year-old woman. - No sir. - What about funny videos? Do you do videos so funny they hurt? Could a video make you laugh so much you can't breathe? What would it do to the face? Could you laugh so much you're permanently disfigured? What would laughing too much do to a 50-year-old woman WHO LOOKS LIKE THIS?

I feel like the entirety of British comedy is like 5 or 6 actors.

"No sir just shit, this is Skegness" xD

okay but the skegness guy was very helpful

I love how everyone tries to move away from him in visible discomfort

This guy would have a pretty crazy search history!

Do you do poison? No sir, just shit, this is skegness

Because of this I made a d&d character: an Aaracokra knowledge cleric having a midlife crisis at age 15 (they only live to 30) who decided to travel the world to write a book of terrible truths, truths so terrible you could age a person with the weight of the knowledge

I don't but I'm pretty sure the RU-vid algorithm does

"do you do poison?" "no we just do shit this is skegness" "don't i know it" 😂

'Do you do poison'? 'No Sir, just shit. This is Skegness'. 'Don't I know it'................ Absolutly Brilliant!!!!!

the library part was genius "Shouldn't you have told me to keep my voice down!?" I enjoyed it thoroughly.

Fuck it's refreshing not being told when to laugh by obnoxious laughing tracks

How has no one picked up on: -Do you do poison? -No sir, just shit, this is Skegness. -Don't I know it.

"MEGA." Im going to start saying that now.

"Have you got any books that make people curl up, permanently, in agony?" Are you familiar with the works of Stephenie Meyer?

My Dark Brotherhood character entering an alchemists shop

Working in retail before google... Nightmare.

- How long's the pier ? - Err, hundred twenty meters exactly. - Have you got a guidebook that says it's a hundred twenty-one meters that's so engrossing you don't know where you're going when you reading it ?

I like to think this is just his coping mechanism.

"Could a holiday hurt a person?" My sides have reached another galaxy and contacted alien life.

Like that very loud noise that makes you have a shiiiiiit. Do you have a book that makes a noise that makes someone SHIT THERE WHOLE SELVES

could you make a person so relaxed they forgot to live?

"Yes, right between pointing and Poitier."

WHAT WOULD IT DO TO THIS FACE

"Could a holiday hurt a person?" Welcome to Fyrefestival

I was sent here by a man who probably hasn't done any poison

It's always sort of funny to watch BBC stuff and see all the same actors...

“Do you do poison” “No just shit, this is skegness” “Don’t I know it”

"I'm going to bury her in the sand" Oh thats nice "Have you got a digger?" Gets me everytime.

And that's when John Watson decided to be a doctor.

“Is it safe to swim in the harbor?” “Not at the moment sir.” “You Star!” I’m gonna start using that one.

*walks into McDonald's* Do you do poison? Yeah for 1 dollar.

"Shut up, Jez" "I just want some poison, Mark."

"Do you have books that contain terrible truths? Truths so terrible they can age a person prematurely, with the weight of the knowledge?" **Hermaeus Mora wants to know your location**

American here. Things I learned: Skegness = town in UK Lilo = inflatable bed/device for the pool/beach While looking up lilo, I learned banter = playful activity or chat, AKA put downs, like dissing.

Scaness one is the best. -how long's the pier? -120 meters -...have you got a guidebook that says its 121 meters?

"Is it safe to swim in the harbor?" "Not at the moment. " "You star!" I'd don't know why but that's the line that got me.

They need to make an updated sketch where the police are looking for the culprit of a murder that involves every single one of these shops and the stuff they described however when directed to this guy it turns out he had nothing to do with it

Do you do suncream? That sort that when you put it on your skin it reacts to sunlight and turns to snakes?

I wish every time he showed her photo she looked more battered and sick but somehow clung to life.

NPC merchants be like...

My mouth:I just want to curl up with a good book. My brain: can it make someone curl up....permanently....in agony?

I don’t know what the problem is, he’s just very concerned for his wife’s health

"can you make a person so relaxed they forgot to live?" !!!!!!

Damn Bilbo first you started in a general merchandise store, went to a poison store and now you found the one ring while helping dwarves slay a dragon

Humor without laugh tracks? Impossible.

-Do you do poison? -Sir, this is a Wendy's.

“Aren’t you going to tell me to keep my voice down?” I was wondering that too, actually

This is how a DM’s search history looks like.

Am I the only one who was under the impression that I was watching the whole thing slightly sped up?

I love Martin freeman. He is such an adorable little hedgehog.

-"Have you got books containing terrible truths? Truths so terrible you could age a person prematurely with the weight of the knowledge?" -"Well, yes..."

“do you do poison?” “no sir, just shit, this is Skegness” 😂😂

Agent 47 shopping for the ICA

2:13 ~ "Yes, in the Poison section, it's over there in between Pointing and Poitier."

“ I want to kill my wife!” “ Sorry, do you do lilos?” “This is poison shop, I do poison.” “Now I’m confused”

"do you have any hammers that would smash bones?" "yeah over there in the tools department" "SPOT ON!" XD

Matt Holness is brilliant in this. Everyone in this show went on to achieve greatness but Holness' utter masterpiece Garth Marenghis Darkplace takes the biscuit for me.

"What about the bouncy castle? Could you bounce so high you go into orbit and asphyxiate in the vaccuum?"

Sorenova

It's 3:30 am I need to sleep but I have one question How much sleep can kill a person

Reminds me of the time I was shopping for pool cleaner pipes and jokingly told the hardware store owner that I was looking for the size to fit a '95 Golf exhaust, the swine refused to believe I was joking and refused to sell them to me.

Ah yes, another example of the algorithm working properly

I'll be honest. Realistically I'd be far more uncomfortable from all the questions that I wouldn't know the answer to that he's asking me than the obvious murder he's planning.

Man, how cute is Olivia Coleman?

Ok who’s here from Sorenova?

I'm sorry I just love how he materializes out of nowhere.😂

Omg that's martin freeman

This won't leave my recommended so I was forced to watch it. I can't say I'm disappointed.

4:46 Do you do poison? Poisson? Oui, ici! *Points to fish*

I care here from a Skyrim version of this

"Like that very deep noise that makes you do a shiiiit"

This sounds like my Google search history

Have you got any books that will make people curl up... Permanently... In agony? Twilight. Holy shit thanks for all the likes!

i didnt know bilbo knew his poisons

I need Benedict to ask Martin “Do you do poison?” And watch him panic.

Accurate Florida comment