Build Your Own Social Anxiety Toolkit 

I have suffered from severe social anxiety, so I want to let people know that big events like protests and marches are some of the best environments for people like us. It's hard to get yourself there, but being surrounded by people who are supportive and caring is very soothing and fun. When I went to the Women's March, I wasn't even being treated for my anxiety and it was one of the most fun days of my life!

I took improv classes and ultimately performed on stage for nearly 10 years, it helps so much with "Mindfulness". Find a local theater and take an improv class, it's a game changer.

I get social anxiety around rude people - if I feel like I'm with good people I can cope a lot longer. But once I start feeling pushed around I melt down really fast. This video was perfectly timed.

Your analytical, authentic self regularly amazes me with a facet I hadn’t seen before. Thank you, Fran. You’re a treasure.

This is really good advice! The only thing I wanted to add is that if you can't afford custom earplugs, you can get attenuated ones off-the-shelf that work a lot better than the foam ones. They aren't quite flat, but they are much closer to just turning the volume down than the foam or squishy earplugs. I have tinnitus/hyperacusis and I wear those in loud situations where foam earplugs would ruin the experience. They're still pretty cheap and they're reuseable.

I think I just got more out of this than I have from months with a therapist. Fran's well of talents goes deeper than I thought. *Very* deep indeed!

Thanks for sharing your tips and trics about social anxiety, especialy the earplugs. For the food and drink tips, i am usings chewing gum so my brain thinks i am eating. When my brain thinks i am eating, there is no room in my brain for stressfull thoughts. Enjoying or living the moment is still hard for me, but i am trying. Self reflection and exceptation of the situation are the keywords for me. I hope the best for everybody with the same struggles in live.

As an introvert, I get a lot of social anxiety. Just want to say Thank you, Fran!

as an introvert with a high functioning anxiety disorder, this helps to remind people like me that we arent as carzy and hopeless as we feel. and not the only ones. thank you fran.

I think one of the hardest parts about having social anxiety is when people who are outgoing and social don't have the slightest understanding about what it's like to be asocial or have social anxiety, and all too often will push you into an uncomfortable social situation with "Ya' just gotta..." advice.

Best taste in music of any RU-vid scientist.

Love that Cramps shirt. “...Cuz I’m the garbage man!!!”.

As an introvert raised by an extreme extrovert I really appreciate your perspective as a successful person who's figured it out and accepts their limitations as normal

Thanks Fran! I'll educate myself about mindfulness.

If you are young and have social anxiety take this advice. Over my decades of having to take the subway in NYC I've unintentionally created the same kit Fran did. Water, snacks and exit strategies. Only instead of custom earplugs I would use noise canceling headphones or NC earplugs which are costly but help a lot with loud environments.

Professional earplugs/Noise-cancelling headphones are a gamechanger against overload. A scarf over my head to block out peripheral vision and/or sunglasses were also really big for me when either travelling or sometimes just trying to get from A to B whilst holding off (or sometimes not) meltdowns. As much sensory deprivation as is reasonably achievable. I'm immediately adding emergency rations to my toolkit. I can't believe I never thought of that. Thank you soooo much for these tips!

Scaffolding is an excellent term for what you're talking about. You hear a lot about scaffolding in childhood development. Vgotsky I think coined the term.

Ohh how I can relate! I wear regular ear plugs in loud spaces. I cannot stand drunk people bashing into me and after such social events I need time to recover.

Thank you Fran . All good advice . I spent years with social anxiety . Took time and eventually medication to get through it . Still have periods . Good and bad days . Your idea of armor is exactly what needs to be done . If it's a cold day out you put on a jacket to feel comfortable . Same thing . There are ways of dealing with it . The stigma related to this disorder also prevents some from seeking help . Fran you show people who are combating these feelings ways to overcome it . Very helpful .

Love your T-Shirt! I used to work in a record store in the 80's (remember those?) I had so many jokes about when customers would ask if I had the Cramps - LMAO - Terrific tips for social anxiety. Thanks - I'm challenged by this too.

very nice and supportive thanks ! im glad you clipped this out it was on my mind. Don't forget the Toolkit for Undoing the Toolkit ! armor builds up

Thanks Fran, I currently am getting my social interaction at a local retro barcade. The upside is that there's a lot of video games and old electronics and people interested in talking about both; the downside is the noise, especially later in the night when everyone else is drunk. I'm slowly acclimating myself to interacting with people again and I think a good set of earplugs will be just the breathing room I need to keep from getting overwhelmed

An exit plan is critical. I've refused to go to parties on boats before because I know I can't leave when I want.

This really resonates with me. Over the years I’ve built quite the toolbox, very similar to yours. However, I’m still disappointed in myself when I can only stand to be in a social situation for a couple of hours, especially if my friends are there. I still need to learn to be more compassionate to myself about that I guess!

Almost every time I don't go out, I end up regretting not going -- and almost every time I was on the fence and did go out, I usually have a good time. I need to remind myself of that.

As someone who has suffered social anxiety all my life, I have to say this video is utterly brilliant. Spot on, every day can be a fight - but it is possible to improve your life. It's great to see you use your platform to highlight this. Thank You Fran Blanche :-)

I kept losing expensive earplugs, so I now use Howard Leight Quiet SNR28 reusable / disposable earplugs. I find them better than the usual squishy foam earplugs re: sound quality, and comfortable for prolonged use.

Right - you didn't have a spare shirt! The biggest part of my toolkit is my car and staying sober... that way I have a place to keep supplies like an extra change of clothes, food, drinks, and so on. I can leave whenever I want, or I can just go sit in the car for a while. I did that at a Nascar race a few years ago when I had too much - I went and sat in the car for a while. I also left before the end of the race to avoid the crowds. Having control in these situations is 90% of the battle. Thanks for talking about this, not many people understand social anxiety. I have used public transport to get to festivals a few times, but then I carry a backpack and some cash to pay for return trips, and I make sure I know the schedule and places to go to catch the trains and whatever. It's all about knowledge and power to take control of the situation.

Lotsa thanks for sharing your experiences - as Louis Rossmann says over and and over and over again, "I hope you learned something!"... Being a millennial trans gal on the autistic spectrum watching a gen-X trans girl on the autistic spectrum, I sure as hell did. I strongly believe in passing our knowledge, experiences and insights on to the future generations, because hardly any of it will be taught at school or through mass media.

I learned a lot in this quick 20 minute video. THANK YOU so much for sharing these tips. 👍🏼 ☺️

Great points! Thx

Thank you for the inspiration. I am agoraphobic. I go out of my way to avoid very large crowds or places I can't easily leave. BTW love the Cramps shirt 🤘

Thanks Fran, these are really good tips. Having an exit plan is definitely a good thing to go armed anywhere with... just knowing it's an option is often enough to put your mind at ease.

Fran is such a wonderful entertainer and is such a brilliant role model for me, I try to live each day to end up mastering my practice whatever it may end up being just like her. I hope life is treating her well

Thx for this vid Fran, im in my 50,s now and only just starting to realise that i may be on the spectrum, it would explain a lot.

Thanks Fran for sharing really good information. I am a person who has suffered depression/anxiety leading to anxiety attacks which lead to full blown panic attacks which leads by strong emotional association to agoraphobia. So people I say Fran know what she is talking about. The key for me is to set small goals for yourself, like Fran laid out. I used a system called systematic desensitization, google it for more complete details. Also, like Fran said use mindfulness, keep your internal dialog smooth and quiet. Be here now. And remember the answer to, What If, is So What!

Bless You Fran. the Value of this 2o minutes cannot be over-appraised. You are such an inspiration and example on so many levels :)

I adore your Cramps shirt! I adore 70’s and 80’s punk and goth and new wave, and a lot of your videos.

thanks Fran, I used to have no issues whatsoever but later I think I became shell-shocked from too many loud shows. Just knowing someone else goes thru the same thing makes it better. just because we don't win every battle, doesn't mean we can't celebrate the little victories

The earplugs was great advice!

Thank you for this video, Fran. It helped me tremendously.

This is such a helpful video. Thank you fran

The guilt is what always keeps me away. I don't have sensory issues, but I don't fit, I don't belong, I'm a burden, no one would want to be associated with me, to be seen dead anywhere near me. What right do I have to impose myself on people by going anywhere? And what if somebody recognises me? Anything that I could justify getting involved with, that is important enough to get involved with, would be selfish to have anything to do with. I hate being a "hermit" but I have no choice in the matter!

I don't know how much the custom ear plugs cost, but on the more affordable end are some made by Fender. They work well.

thanks for making this video. few have explained how to start chipping away at social anxiety as well. learning to appreciate "just having gone" and just being able to carry away a positive experience from going out really is a big part of it. i think reframing "getting out of your comfort zone" as "expanding and probing the edge of what feels safe" can be helpful.

This is great advice! I didn't realize I had a touch of social anxiety until my Hawaiian class moved from a quiet room to a freekin' BAR, the other day. So much noise, so many people I didn't recognize. Proximity to alcohol, which freaks me out. It really put me on edge. And I've been wishing for a volume knob for DECADES. I'm going to get a pair of ear plugs, as soon as I'm able!

thanks fran, relatable much!

You make absolute sense, social anxiety sucks.

Thanks for sharing. I can definitely relate to the whole go home and crash thing. Every time I have a meeting with anyone outside my team at work, I'm pretty much done with social energy for the day. I'll spend the rest of the day working on a design drawing, configuring some hardware, or going through emails. Usually I can get into a rhythm, or 'in the zone', and get a lot done, and my colleagues can tell and know to leave me alone when I'm in the zone. Today I had two meetings, one with another team, and another with our account manager for a service provider. Unfortunately I couldn't get into the zone afterwards, so I spent the afternoon randomly looking at different things for different projects, and didn't really make any progress on anything until after 5 pm when pretty much everyone else had left.

Fran, thanks 😊 I love your channel.

Great advice Fran. Very practical and encouraging.

If you can’t afford or don’t have access to custom ear plugs - Hearos High Fidelity Musician ear plugs are about $15. Probably not as effective or comfortable as custom but definitely make a difference for me. I also bring snacks, water, bug spray, cleaning wipes and other comfort items with me everywhere. It helps me feel prepared and less vulnerable. But I never realized until now that is a coping mechanism for my social anxiety. 🤔

I wish live concerts stuck to ~90 dB. Some concerts have riders specifying 110 dB (and it's often specified with an A-weighting)! Edit: I dunno, having a beer thrown on me _might_ kill me, but that's less because of the beer, and more to do with the fight I'd start at that point. 😁 You're right, it does get easier as one gets older, and at some point I decided I'd taken enough crap like that.

You are awesome Fran

Great information! These are all really helpful tips that I had to figure out myself, little by little, over many years of wanting to go to events but always getting overwhelmed. I have already adopted all of these and can confirm that they're very useful! I do have one more tip that may be useful for others: if you are able, wear a hat! I found that having a hat with a visor is suuuper useful for managing overwhelming situations. I can just tilt my visor or my head down and block out overstimulating movements and such. Good luck to everyone working on managing social anxiety! I've put myself in a lot of overwhelming situations on purpose in order to build up stamina for dealing with it, and it does pay off!

Excellent advice, Fran. Thank you for sharing your experiences and toolkit.

i'm that weirdo who wears his 3M earmuffs almost everywhere

Thank you so much for sharing!!!

Very well said, Fran. I have used all these sugestions. It really works. I don't have a problem in front of large crowds now. Heck, i even sang in a band and it just was no problem. Thanks for the video. I also will look into the ear plugs. Last concert i saw half way thru, my ears were shot.

A couple years ago, I was performing at the Portage County (WI) Fair in the opening band for a much more popular (and louder) main act. As I was watching the headliner band, I noticed a little girl who was clearly in distress. This was a textbook case of "It takes one to know one." I gave her earplugs, and showed her how to put them in. I spoke to her about *being on the spectrum,* and talked to her parents at the same time. They seemed glad for the interaction. It felt great to me to be able to help, and (hopefully) to introduce her to the lifetime of coping mechanisms she will need to not just survive, but to thrive. Thanks for this, Fran.

Interesting that you mention earplugs. My friend's young daughter always puts on headphones when there's more than half a dozen people in the room. She doesn't listen to music or anything, she just wears the earphones. Whenever we go to a restaurant, she'll have her headphones on and listen to the conversation. She won't participate unless she's asked a question, but she'll laugh if someone says a joke or something funny. When she was very young, she would sit under the table (or just stay in her room when we went to their place) and play on her iPad, but since she's started wearing her headphones, she's able to be present and occasionally participate in the gathering. Maybe it's not normal for a normal person, but it's her normal, and that's ok. I haven't seen her in a couple of years because of (the situation), but if she's still using her headphone trick, I'll mention the earplugs to her parents and suggest she should go see an audiologist.

Just brilliant, Fran. Thanks for this!

Great advice!

Great advice, Fran. It's tough to get out there, but usually worth it when you do. Especially the enjoyment of the achievement.

Thanks Fran. It's been decades, and I really didn't understand. I'll work on it now, but with knowledge and not blame myself.

*...and listen to **_The Cramps...,_** loudly...* 😌

Being 71 years old I have lost 1/2 of my hearing from when I was younger, so think I can handle it 😁

I learned a lot of these lessons the hard way and wish I'd had advice like this when I was in my early 20s, but thank you anyway, surely many many people will get a lot benefit from this.

Thank you for all you do for us Fran!

Thank you Fran! So much good info, clear and concise.

Thanks!!!!

I find myself, yet again, amazed by your wealth of knowledge! Having multiple anxiety disorders as well as being on the spectrum, these are definitely useful things to remember!

I've had some horrible experiences the past 10 years in social circles, which led to me being more introverted of late. No details, but judgement from family after I left the family religion, friends taking advantage of me when I was most vulnerable from illness, attitudes of strangers after I had my leg amputation last January and offensive comments from strangers and children when I'm out in the community with my wheelchair. I find it hard to not be an assshole, any suggestions?

Such amazingly thoughful, honest and grounded advice. Thank you for your unique and wonderful videos.

Wow, Fran, great video. I can relate in that, especially post pandemic, I find it very beneficial to have that virtual ”abort" handle. I've walked into so many questionable venues (some call them retail stores 😉) to test them out, and after a quick assessment, went "Nope!" and walked out after the attempt.

"It's all in the mind, y'know" - George Harrison -

I have been at a rock concert exactly once. The volume level was ridiculous, my ears hurt for days. I won't support such health threatening BS by attending it with ear plugs.

tahk you for this i have autism i lern lots form you

Awesome tshirt :)

i have social anxiety to and i have Autism

Got any projects cookin on the burners?

Sunglasses help me a lot.

Killer shirt

Some of her suggestions are practical and good for someone whether or not they have anxiety. But there is a broader, but more difficult to learn, approach to things like anxiety, worry, stress, fear, and so on. It is broadly called "higher consciousness" which sounds a bit insulting to those where it would seem implied they have lesser consciousness. There are easily over a thousand books on the topic. And it is taught by some religions in the U.S. that call themselves "New Age". Their adherents tend to call themselves "more enlightened". Again, that also seems perhaps insulting to those outside of their club. But it is very, very valuable. You learn that things like anxiety and worry and fear are not "out there". They aren't tangible. They are inside of your mind. You can shoose to manage your mind. And therefor, manage, or eliminate, such things within you One example is the fable of the monk and the hungry bear and the starving tiger. A monk is being chased by a hungry bear. If caught, he knows he will be killed. He is running because that is a practical response, but he has no fear. He comes to a cliff and his only option, again - practical, is to jump off to escape the bear. Still no fear, though. On the fall down he is able to grab a small branch growing out of the rocks that stop his fall. On the ground below is a starving tiger. He knows it is only a matter of time until the small branch breaks and the tiger will get him. But he still has no fear. Just then, he notices a wild strawberry plant within reach. He picks some strawberries and totally enjoys them. This fable makes the point that, while you may have to do practical things, it is possible to not have fear. And without fear, you can continue to enjoy what is enjoyable.

Gotta get back to tronix.

i am a fan

13:47 Consider Professional earplugs, custom moulded, not foam. Anyone have recommendations? Cheers!

Mindfullness works folks, try it!

alcohol?