I have a healthy ego. The healthiest ego even. I tell you folks, many egos out there, many of them bad. Not mine. My ego is the healthiest, most positive around. People envy me because I am so down to earth and humble despite my huge success and that's because my ego is simply the healthiest around. You have no idea folks.
I think Dr. K releases his videos in a way that you can build concepts on top of each other. So video n will give you a thought that is relatable to n+1. However, the other reason is that we think so many thoughts in one day and he just happens to capture one of them.
man this is such a critically undertaught aspect of our life. i work as a facilitator/teacher in a mental health peer support group, and our session going through the ego or default mode network, is consistently the session in which we start seeing progress in people. the power of questioning what the mind assumes we can and cant do, who we can and cant become, and figuring out where those assumptions come from, be it from other people during childhood, or if its a huge recipe concocted by the ego, i always see such a monumental shift in outlook with my participants, whether or not their circumstances change, their optimism that things will change, and they're are the ones who can make it happen, easily the most fulfilling part of my job. Dr. K may not know it but as a big aspect of how i learn to communicate these complicated subjects to people who desperately need to hear it, he's indirectly changing the lives of people on the other side of planet who dont even know he exists. So thank you Dr. K for everything you do, the ripple effects of your work spread wider than we may ever know 🙏
I'm curious where you do your work as you have the HK pic but your channel says NZ. I lived in both those places and would be interested in chatting more with you about what you do!
@@MaisterLuke for sure man, im from new zealand. i work for a relatively small place called Evolve, and our main gig is basically a 15 week course where we go over things like boundaries and values to social connection and managing your energy. The thing that makes it special in my eyes is its focus on the neuroscience, so we'll explain what neuroplasticity is, and genuinely effective science based ways to improve sleep and so on. But it also has the Buddhist influence, as the founder of the place was studying to become a monk way back when, so we teach a variety of light meditations, mostly mindfulness, but some other ones like Metta. Basically Evolve was the first place i found that was very much like what HealthyGamer does, but in person and on a much smaller scale
@@MrDominatord7 meditation helps you learn to use the dmn more often (kind of at will also); for low self worth, you should do what dr. k recommends in this video
Takeaways: → The ego is neither good nor bad. → The main purpose behind ego is to navigate the world we experience and protect the mind. → Improper egos can cause problems in any scenarios. → Arrogance and comparison leads to the formation of bad egos. → To build a healthy ego: notice it, spend time in nature, learn to be comfortable spending time with yourself, learn to tolerate and not be afraid of negative emotions and meditating.
Small correction: arrogance doesn't lead to a formation of bad ego, it is the symptom of one. (Being arrogant doesn't put you on the path of a big ego, it is a sign that you've been walking that path for a while. I mean - just the concept of 'being arrogant' isn't an actionable thing you can do like comparing yourself) Also it's worth to note that people have a different ego judgement for different aspects of their life. Some things you might be arrogant in while in others you might lack any sort of confidence.
@@pavcho2211 your right it's a symptom not a cause. The funny thing is we we only notice this after its formed, I don't think anyone can be aware of it in the formation years and by then it's an uphill climb. Thanks for pointing it out 👍
I think I have a pretty healthy ego now. When I was younger, I got bullied in school a lot and thought of myself to be crap and worthless. I was also dealing with ADHD. As the years went by, and I went to college I stopped getting bullied and then eventually got a job where I was treated very well and it kind of very confused me to be thinking of myself as someone who is deserving praise. Around this time I also went through a very confusing gender identity crisis as well as sexual orientation thing which caused to become depressed and anxious. After seeing a therapist and getting antianxiety meds, I've come out of this as a whole new person where I feel worthy of praise and love and all that stuff, plus I don't really see a point in comparing myself to others. Sometimes I fear I've become arrogant, but I think after spending so much time hating myself that it just feels weird to actually love myself. I don't see myself as better or worse than anyone, just that I've figured out a lot about myself and am more at peace with who I am.
Maaan, the extract from 16:30 is so on spot. The part about having a high defence when someone treats you well. Always thinking that there's a trap behind affection toward us. It so absolutely relatable. I gotta confront my father.
i really really liked this meditation, it dropped me down to my body from my head ive been stuck there for so long, i remember feeling like this years ago. dont know what happened exactly to make me go hide in my head. i will be doing this meditation again
I've been meditating 30-60 minutes daily for about 4 months and very quickly I've moved in this direction in my day to day life. I don't think 60 mins a day is a requirement, just being persistent and trying to do it daily if you can. My headspace still fluctuates a lot but I'm having more and more moments of being within myself rather than in my head. Its a godsend
16:30 can confirm. Consciously made the decision that if I expect the worst and think I deserve the worst shit in the world nothing would hurt. After decades of this twisted life at home and finally taking more steps to connect with other people outside instead now, I am still literally finding myself confused when people treat me well. It's so alien. Constantly scared of losing it all as well and continuously confused on why it continues to happen and they aren't bored of me or start taking me for granted yet.
Part of the issue is the East-West difference in terminology. Ego/Ahamkara is actually not Freud's Ego (which is more like Buddhi), but a mix of Ego Image and Superego: who we think we are and who we think we need to be (the latter forms the former).
You just made me realise that I, knowing the Freudian terms originally, have instantly overwritten the term "superego" with "ego" in my mind because obviously that is the concept to which a psychiatrist (Dr. K) referred to with the term. Even more silly when you remind yourself that "ego" means "self", so Freud and Kanojia are on the same page after all.
A few years ago I began reading about the teachings of buhdism, and underlying principles. Now hearing this, not only do I understand where you are coming from, but your ability to put it in a way that people unfamiliar with these was of thinking can understand, is spectacular. You have a really deep understanding of these forms of thinking that you lay out so clearly for us. Thank you
@@leticia-vv4dg Evolving Beyond Thought by Gary Weber might be a little more extreme (as in it's meditation with the explicit intention of being toward Awakening), but it's a great stepping stone on a self-inquiry path. Self-inquiry looks directly at the Eastern concept of ego. His first book is free online though, which is Happiness Beyond Thought.
There was a time where comparison helped me feel better. I remember at some point, I felt bad about myself for not working out enough. However, I then realized that I actually workout a lot more than most people I know. It helped me feel better. However, I also acknowledged that this was still my ego speaking and I tried not to become arrogant about it, acknowledging that the people I know have different life experiences from me.
But the reason you felt bad was also the comparison between you and people you see online or hear about. If you were the most athletic person the known universe you wouldn’t feel bad about not working out enough. So comparison is a double edged sword. The relief it gives is temporary and often only cancels out the pain it itself caused.
During meditation I cried my eyes out. Not sure what I was supposed to find during that, to be completely honest, but kinda a think that was not point - for me at least. I struggle with anxiety and bad self-image from childhood, this was somehow liberating experience of beauty of change and notion of unexistence of the rigid constant. Thank you so much. I discovered your videos recently and its really helping me sort things out even more 🎉
It always amazes me how many people cry with meditation. For many, it’s the first time in a while or even ever that they actually relax or let pent up emotions out. Like a true relaxation.
This is why I've always struggled to meditate and always have avoided it. Almost every time, I start crying and it is not the pleasent and pieceful experience, I expected it to be. But I realize more and more my intolerance for negative emotion, so therefore even stronger need to medidate and get rid of my ego, and now I want to stick to meditsting for a while. Wish me luck!
@@Ms19754 That sounds tough, it must be hard to meditate if you cry almost everytime. I wish you the best of luck. You're not alone though, I've also cried many times during meditation or right after. It's been a month since you've made the comment, did you end up sticking to meditation? How did it go for you?
@@andromeda_yt_ Actually yes! I am meditating quite often now. I started with very short guided meditation and increased the time gradually. Also, I realized that I only had try to meditate when I "needed it", so I was in a bad state of mind. But now I am building the habbit so when bad times come, I will be much more used to it. Thanks for asking, such a nice person. All the best to you
This was a beautiful video Dr.K. Your guided meditation at the end made me cry, seeing a glimpse of my real self for the first time in my life. Thank you. I feel like my ego has led me through life, having insecurities as a child which then grew a lot in the other direction as I got older. So now I'm at a point where I think I'm better than anyone else, but that I don't deserve the love and respect of other people so I don't look for it at all. Hopefully I can implement your advice into my life from now on.
That meditation was SO right. Had no idea i was so ego-unstable. Almost cried and i noticed the feelings rising up and i partly fused with them for a second. I knew this tho... i just needed this distilation and articulation that dr k did. Invaluable .❤
It's worth to note that people have a different ego judgement for different aspects of their life. Some things you might be arrogant in while in others you might lack any sort of confidence
@IvnValmont underestimating and overestimating yourself are still judgements you make about yourself and your abilities. Judgement of one's self and abiliteis uses the ego. Every statement that starts with "I am ... " uses the ego. Being right or wrong about the facts makes no difference. Lack of ego would be to do an activity without thinking about how well you are doing it, like a toddler trying to walk for the first time without thinking "Wow i'm so bad at walking"
Me: nice vid with helpful information Ego: after watching this, I will learn to CONTROL my ego, unlike the MAJORITY of people and especially th- Me: *pulling out a spray bottle* I swear to god-
Dr. K., I think that it's incredible watching you learn about the function and structure of ego while you also applied the same patterns to most people intervewed here. This is literally outstanding. I can literally see unprocessed, uncounscious material flowing out of you when you turn on the valve, while talking about instruction how to close it at the same time. Its incredible. Thank you.
I think you are helping a lot of people who are struggling with themselves. I am having OCD and ADHD, as well other mental issues and could learn a lot from you about how our mind and body works. Still not quite there where I'd like to be but i think the way is the goal. Please keep the work going. I am really grateful for your videos.
This guided meditation is strikingly similar to the way i have been practicing mindfulness in my personal time. I feel so much stronger for it being completely honest. I have been finding ways of flowing from those mindful states into my everyday tasks and carrying those thought processes with me. I have never felt more rejuvinated in my life, when i let go of my inhibitions. There needs to be a steadiness and a balance with how society perceives you and how you perceive yourself as well as the world around you. People need time to reflect on there past decisions and to engage with how you want to act in both calm and stressful situations. I feel that people are too quick to label themselves and others and everything around them, you often forget that your "ship of theseus" is ever changing. Its when you dont replace the degraded wood that the ship with start to sink. Shaping the ego is probably the most complicated facet of humanity.
First of all, I appreciate you. This is exactly what I've been studying about and struggling with the past few years. Secondly, I would like to share my view on the social hierarchy topic. I don't accept social hierarchies. They don't make sense to me. I recognize them. I notice how others react to them. But I don't play into them. I give and expect respect and equal treatment to and from everyone, no matter where they think they are on the social ladder. I think it's so weird and egotistical that some people think they're more important than others, so I treat them all the same lol I don't get intimidated by people's imaginary positions. It's all on their head.
The meditation helped me see core self as a seed and my thoughts the branches / webbing sprouting off of it. My mind gets stuck on various branches representing my problems being lit up and bouncing between each other like an overactive neural net and I can actually travel deeper to the core self and observe the nodes lighting up from afar. Almost like watching a thunderstorm from the comfort of your safe room
When I opened my eyes after the meditation, I had forgotten what he looked like or his office lighting when I had watched before the meditation. It was a weirdly nice feeling.
I want to say the same thing happened to me, but I wouldn't describe it quite so poetically. My immediate reaction was to blurt out "you're orange" from the weird way I processed the sight.
This has been my favorite meditation so far. Aside from the awesomeness of recognizing what parts of myself are controlling my life, i also like noticing that my anxieties, pains, and bad emotions are not permanent. I have always known this logically, but in the moment these things feel like they may never go away and I will be stuck with them forever. The meditation helps to put it in perspective a bit more and give me relief to know that things will pass with time.
100% agree. 29:53 i immensely appreciate the meditations on here as they’re really focused on self awareness and overall awareness, parasympathetic flow induction, and most importantly for me as having aphantasia, non visualization focused (which knowing the condition has released a lot of frustration and attempts to do something I’m literally not capable of, imagine someone telling a visual blind person to see and they don’t realize that they can’t and that they just need to concentrate more, drives one mad!)
These past few videos have been really relatable to me, an avoidant gifted kid who struggles with negative self image. I guess for now, I undeslrstand that negative views of myself is ALSO an unhealthy ego. But im quite confused on what ego actually means after hearing it so many times in different contexts. Does is basically mean an identity you show to the world? Anyways I'll try my best to sit with these uncomfortable feelings when i show an unfinished part of me, hoping that I could sit with being myself
I heartily recommend Dr. K's group interview with the group of gifted kids. It like changed my life (after I ate some liver sausage smothered with mustard). But also, the meditation school of self-inquiry has a very useful definition of ego: it is your bundle of self-referential thoughts. Almost all your thoughts (like over 95% of them) can be traced back to your mental image of yourself in some way or another. Any thought that even vaguely references the word "I". Generally, the more self-referential thoughts you have over a certain period of time, the larger (unhealthier) your ego is. Surrendering yourself to an unpleasant situation, reducing your resistance to it, it'll actually reduce your ego. A lot of what you think when eating a food you really hate is stuff like: "I wish I wasn't eating this." "This is the worst [to me]." "Why couldn't I eat something I like?" That's why eating food you hate is a great meditation if you pay attention to how the experience changes as you move from resisting the bad taste to accepting the bad taste. The flow state (through like high-performance activities) will also make basically all self-referential thoughts go away temporarily, but it won't weaken the ego, so it could become a crutch (especially for gifted kids).
My interpretation of the ego is that it's a comparison to the world that acts in both directions (internally compare yourself to others -> how they perceive you in relation to everyone else), with the ultimate end product being what you present to the world, like you said. It's basically where your interpretation of your 'core identity' is. When the ego is high, your identity is attached to all of the good and bad traits of your being which you interpret as good or bad for your core identity in relation to what other people define as good or bad. It's entirely about where you fit on the pecking order and attaching your self worth to those judgements. Healthier ego is removing attachment and letting self worth 'naturally arise' from a more core self, one that stays with you from birth until death (or if you're religious, into the afterlife or next life). It's not feeling like the various 'traits' of your identity (accomplishments, intelligence, attractiveness, social standing, etc) affect how you perceive yourself. When you have traits that are highly sought after and give you status, it's very hard to realize that those things are still causing you to make comparisons and feel miserable, and even harder to choose to let go of them. When it's your entire identity, you're essentially letting go of everything that defines your being and gives you worth. You *do not* want to let go of those things. And yet letting go and seeing what else is out there is the only way to live a life of contentment and peace. When you care so much about those traits, contentment and peace sound pretty dumb, why give up everything that's so important to me for something I don't care about? Which is why I think meditation is important. Helps you start realizing these things in a natural way, you really don't even need to be super introspective. Once you get a taste of what it's like to not feel ego and feel the overwhelming sense of calm, zero stress and anxiety, you don't want to go back. Not for long at least, you'll start craving that inner peace again sooner or later. It's absolutely a continual process, not a switch that's flipped on or off.
The way I see it, the ego is your evaluation of your own self worth and your own strengths and weaknesses. It is the image you see when you think of yourself. A healthy ego is a neutral, rational, non-biased, clear and accurate mental image of yourself. An unhealthy ego is a self-image distorted by emotion (as in "rose colored glasses") or by cognitive biases. In other words, building a healthy ego means learning to evaluate yourself clearly and truthfully. At least, that's my interpretation.
What I love most about learning from Dr. K is that there has been so much profound, positive reassurance from my personal research to the connections I create on my own. His expert knowledge adds to my own and even confirms my own thoughts and feelings. I am so glad I came across this channel
One way I've found really useful to view ego, is to see it as an evolving entity. Like kids, we start by having few reference points and we need to collect a lot of data to figure out who we are and how to evaluate our own perception of self worth. This method, in a healthy ego, evolves over time to learn how to derive its conclusions based off of existing data to build patterns and equations, so we rely less and less on gathering new external data to make our assessments. For example, if I have proven to myself time and time again that I can figure my way out of a tough situation, then I will not need to put myself in future tough situations to know I can get through them. I trust myself based on existing data and rational thought, that I don't have to be mortally dependent on others. If my ego had not evolved, I would still need external validation to feel secure in my own ego. I would have to seek constant proof of what my self worth is, and I would be controlled by this ego that doesn't trust itself and thus is dependent on others for constant validation. So basically as we mature as human beings, our ego should ideally be able to rely less and less on external data collection to assess its own probability of self worth. But if the ego is underdeveloped, it will stay attached to external validation because it is incapable of connecting the dots on its own based on past data alone. And this can come from many things, chief among which is different forms of past trauma that linger and always sow doubt in the ego, always causes it to question its own objectivity, always begging it to be 110% sure and hoard data for that extreme validation it needs to feel safe in its self assessment. If you have lived a somewhat eventful life, you've been able to build stable relations, and you've been able to care for yourself enough that you don't spiral down into a pit, then more than likely you have the basis for a fine objective and healthy ego that you can trust to validate itself, without doubt, without needing excess external validation. If you constantly put yourself in new situations and never grow stable attachments, then you're more likely than not to also be in frequent need of validation that what you're doing is in accordance with your ego's assessment of what ideal self worth is.
to all that says that dr ks vids are always timed, its prolly cause u were ruminating on alooooooot of things and dr k just manages to hit one of the million things thats botherin u rn
To openly accept/put into words that there is a deficiency in the work he has put out is honestly very honorable and quite incredible to hear. He moves past it quite nonchalantly, but that's huge seeing as almost no one I've interacted with is willing to say something like that. Especially not to the people who purchase his course. Wow. I love it!
I don’t understand that very last comment by Dr. K: The more that your life is encompassed, controlled by ego the more unhappy you will be….and any observant human will be able to tell this about you. …Than he says this, which i don’t understand: “The only ones who won’t notice this, are the ones who themselves are unhappy and look up to you, because they think that getting what you have will make them unhappy.” ^Can someone explain this to me?
Here are my notes. Take care everyone. # Lessons It’s one thing to control a negative self-image, but how do you make a healthy ego. ## What is the point of an ego? **What is an ego** - Three major pillars of mind: emotion (*munus),* ego (*hamkar),* intellect (*buddhi)* - It grows and is prevalent because of ego-growing stuff in the world: social media - The more you feed it, the more it grows **Morality of an ego** - This isn’t the bad thing. It’s neither good nor bad; a tool of the mind - Not good or bad - it depends on if it results in a bad thing, or being controlled by them is bad **Why do we even have an ego?** - It’s a tool of efficiency: *In dinner, who pays? who sits with who?* We organize ourselves according to an pecking order - This is the mechanism wherein we navigate our relationships # Protecting the mind: the function of the ego **The ego protects us from negative emotions** - In conflict with others: - By putting others down, or putting ourselves up. - You’re protected from negative emotions by having a good ego - *By devaluing those that hurt us, we make us feel better* - Telling yourself lies: copium; the ego is the master of copium - You’re protected from negative emotions by having a bad ego - *You won’t be defeated if you don’t try* - Low self-image is a copium: *If I don’t deserve love in the first place, I don’t need love at all* - If I deserve love and I am abused, then the pain of the abuse hurts so much; if not, and that’s how the world is supposed to work, I find peace in being the bad guy - Big ego, regardless of good or bad, is harmful > Just a segue: First wave of psychotherapy: psychodynamics, psychoanalysis; Second wave: CBT; scientific; manualized; Third wave: psychotehrapy + mindfulness (Eastern tradition) > # Five things to do to build a healthy ego - Comparison feeds the ego - Comparison whether positive or negative, leads to bad - Notice the actions of the ego - Notice the ego; recognize the actions of the ego; *why are you comparing yourself to someone else* - I am me, they are them. Don’t compare yourself. Our upbringings, lives, traumas are different. So don’t compare. That doesn’t make you less of the real metric: you’re a good human being - Spend time in nature - This is the best way to avoid comparison daw; do things, live in the present that will avoid comparison - Be in a situation where there is no comparison available: spend time in nature, do things that there is no comparison - You also spend time with yourself when you’re in nature - Learn to tolerate negative emotions - Remember that the ego protects: so don’t be afraid of negative emotions - You don’t need to avoid negative emotions - → I could be embarrased with a mistake, but it’s no big deal; - The more we avoid negative emotions, the more egotistic we become - Egotistic people are low in tolerance with negative emotions - Meditate - The identity and self-image are not you, but a part of you # Meditation How to understand which is the ego and which is the self. - Know the limits of life as dictated by ego: if it’s big, it’s bad. - And everybody will see this about you **Reflection** - Try to figure out which of these signals do you respond to to make the best and worst parts of your life. What within you dictates you winding up in that situation? When you make those decisions, where do those decisions come from? - When you act due to your emotions: what impact does that have in your life? act due to your thoughts? act from the breath? - The next time you want to do something: ground yourself in the breath as you do it and see what happens. And now go again and come on back.
This was a weird experience. I never believed in meditation but tried this one and it made me cry. My biggest wish was always consistency. Everything in my life is inconsistent and fragile and I always wished to have ANYTHING that is constant. I told that multiple psychiatrists and therapists and no one could tell me. But this meditation showed me, that it was always there. I just had to notice it. It was hard to open my eyes again, because it felt so good.
It is so perfect to see. I am a therapist and this is basically how ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy) is based upon. I was looking forward to the day Dr K would fully show how effective this therapy can be, as i see with my patients
this meditation was great. exactly what i needed today. i had somehow lost my ability to meditate properly in the past weeks, but this reminded me that meditation is just about noticing, and that i have to give up control on my meditations, because meditation had kind of become a way to boost my ego as well.
Long term nurses often would have more understanding for special topics that they do all the time and the doctors likely don't. So when doctors have final say, Nurses are not clueless and get conditioned to look for red flags in care to bring up to the doctor when seen.
hooked me in 7 seconds, i like the blend, mentioning to parallel/synonymous in eastern medicine. its helpful hoeing in the autodidact search. youtube algorithm on point with ur suggestions and exactly what i needed after watching your previous short one15min edit: omg hooked me again, meditation has been on my "to do" list; another privouse vid. note gem on studying, "what would it be like if it was ALL review?" edit still typing and ur eyes are still open when scrolling up. it totally helps to hear how im supposed to sound in my head, or rather good suggestions of perception, real good. if i scolled up, and saw you meditating too, id do it.. love ur word dude. for real real
The meditation semi creeped me out. When you asked "who is it that is observing you", I suddenly noticed a tiny wise Me in the back of my head. That must be the Intellectual part… no… it’s way more than "intellectual"… It’s peace. It's the one that knows the future because it is already inside me. It's connectedness. It’s wisdom that I can’t consciously access but it Knows. It’s everything. Absolutely wild.
Holy shit, what kind of supernatural modjo are you on? Because everything you post feels personal. Just the first minute of this video had more conviction than the church
@@zoomer619 oh yeah dude, I’m not 100%. I’m still retraumatizing past experiences from over 20 years ago and connecting dots on my behaviors today. I’m looking for someone to talk to today
It's because, most of the time, the teacher is always there but the student is not ready to understand and appreciate what the teacher has to offer, when the student does, he suddenly becomes aware of the teacher, and if smart enough, this fact as well.
@@georgeindestructible Sometimes. There are occasions when I've needed help just as the help arrives, completely by coincidence. For example, I had a lot of dense energy around me and I was quite unaware of what exactly it was, even though I had felt its presence. I ended up meeting a shaman as he was passing through town and he helped me as we completed a ritual to purge myself of that denser energy. I do think you're right that the student wouldn't be able to appreciate the lessons, though. That's 100% true and logically, if the student is not ready to undersatnd and appreciate what the teach has to offer, there's no reason for the student to be told yet so I can definitely agree that's why it works the way it works!
Holy shit this might be the most useful video Dr k has ever released, at least as far as I'm concerned, and he might not have even made it if it were not for that post! Seriously though, Dr k, you have just answered SO many questions of mine about confusing reactions I've had to things. It might have taken me another 10 or 20 years to bore down to the answer by myself but hot crap the answer that was supplied here makes so much sense. Thank you is not enough, but it's all I can say at this time so it must suffice. Thanks!!!
Navigating ego in the hospital setting gave me a lot of trouble. I've been an ER tech for 5 years, and I eventually found peace in my job by restructuring my view of giving/taking orders. My best attitude at work is "you can ask me for anything you need," and practicing that mindset revoked the concept of orders from my mind. I realized that every human in my ER was constantly asking for things, from patient to doctor. I'm not an exception to that by any means, and there are a million reasons why anybody could be impolite or angry when asking for something (especially since many needs in the ER are vital). If you trust people to understand their authority, and surrender to everyone's needs (self inclusive), the power structure seems to dissolve. I'm still working on applying this to other areas of my life, but I have become content while doing objectively demanding labor.
Feeling so blessed that I found this video series and community.I really admire how crisp this videos are cant miss a single word.Getting so much to learn.Thanks alot!
The meditation was genuinely good. I suddenly realized that there is an permanent part inside me, that is noticing and seeing all the other things that are permanent
I’m a recent follower, watching a lot of these videos lately. This was easily the best. Just hit special. Thank you! For the demo at end meditation and for modeling healthy ego throughout in your reading, interpretation, and response to the viewer comment. Bravo!
the analogy I always use on how having a low image of yourself can help you cope (albeit, detrimentally) is: "If I'm low as I can go, the fall from grace is really short"
hey, i would love to see you talk about people who like to be upset. like the type of people who always look for something to be upset about or who purposely stress themselves out. i can’t find very many studies about this.
Dr K really just helped me find the missing the piece I was looking for in this last chapter of my life before I move on to a new place, and im glad i found this now before I take this huge new step
I honestly have never seen ego as a bad thing; self love is something good, and its quite powerful to have, but listening others and understanding things around you as they are and not as we swee them, should be enough to make us have dignity and have powerful ego at the same time.
I think it is about being authentic with yourself: so just blindly adopting things is probably not good. However, if you see it as a "I can try do do this and see if I like it and only continue doing it if that is the case" it might work
I'd say it's 100% about your mindset going in is it that you admire something someone does, or envy. Do you want to learn and grow or do you have another motive? I think that's all it comes to if you're in a good headspace then emulating others is a wonderful way to learn and infact its like 90% of how we as humans learn things so there is no harm in it aslong as you're in a healthy mindset about it
Great vid but IMO I dont think you addressed the posters true concern (or at least my interpretation of what he has in mind). I could be wrong but I think the essence of what he wants to know is how do you build up the ability to stand your ground/set boundaries healthily and to get treated with respect. I think the concern is people interpret this advise as keep checking your ego and not practicing boundary setting or another way of saying it that many people think setting boundaries is the ego and in their heads ego = bad, or selfish, or not open minded or whatever no matter how many times they hear the ego is tool/important part of brain. Like they think they are suppose to go with the flow and keep things light or something along those lines and be agreeable - like were raised that agreeableness (and probs empathy) is what a good boy or girl does and their parents stomped out their kids own will. Now I will say is I think I personally got how the message in video works for that but I had to fill in the blanks and think on my own more and draw on my own experience. That is essentially as I have done practices similar to those in the video, I relatively care less about setting the boundaries/gaining respect and instead just tell people to fuck off politely when appropriate therefore addressing how to build a healthy ego. Which I do want to warn, a healthy ego is something you don't just receive and then just have forever, which is the lesson I had to go through -> like basically I became the humblest of the most humble or in other words arrogant which then lead me to do the opposite of the vid essentially and now come full circle and still (maybe always) just be a work in progress.
it's like we're from another reality bounded with this one and we only perceive the reality of the where our bodies are and the reality of what's going on in our minds don't you think ?
I’ve been doing some personal exploration into psychology in general as a way to try and breach more into myself and learn as best I can, and I must say, there’s a lot of carryover with many things you teach and my own personal reading of Jung’s autobiography. Prior I had a decent primer to his general ideas, learning first of the shadow, anima/animus, and later learning about all of the shenanigans he did in alchemy because for a reason or another the motifs in alchemy struck me and I thought it would be interesting to delve further into it, and I learned that Jung actually did a ridiculous amount of work trying to piece together the point of a seemingly archaic and nonsense field. I enjoy how he and you both try and take a step back and engage heavily with esoteric things. Strangely, when Jung fit his studies against the alchemical process, he found that the correlations to alchemy and individuation (a lifelong process of becoming yourself essentially) to be too many to ignore and put together lots of writing. Currently midway through the biography but I want to delve more into his work proper. Sorry for the lengthy text vomit about Jung but I think he’s a fascinating person, and lots of the things you teach remind me of things I’ve read. Cheers. Preservation is a doozy.
I've been trying to diagnose my own issue for a long time that has prevented me from living a liberating and intentional life. I have watched many Dr. K youtube "lessons" or topics and this one really made me have a self epiphany. I have been a very egotistical person ranging from arrogance to low self esteem depending on my perceived pecking order in the situation, environment, person, group, or time. I have been very self centered. I'm fortunate to have had the foresight to sense that my ego was not the whole world. I sensed there was something liberating beyond my ego that I couldn't pinpoint, but I believe I've observed it in certain other people. The comment about the direct correlation of my self image whether good or bad to my ego hit home. Throughout my constant self reflection, I could never put my thumb on my issue that keeps me stuck. I feel like this is it, but now I have to work on it, however it feels like I can be more intentional about what I'm working on. I am guilty of comparing myself all the time and subconsciously or consciously judging others constantly. It is difficult to stop comparing one self while navigating social hierarchies, while accepting your self at that point in time, while still being neutral to your self worth.
i'd go as far as saying that identity itself comes from comparison, identifying with something is the easy thing to do, things that are similar to you are the things you identify with. and you use the values you see in the world to split it appart into identifiable pieces. and knowing what's bad is how you separate yourself from it giving you a barrier between the world and yourself.
I really love these more high-concept videos about the theory of mind. The practical advice videos are definitely useful, but they don't give as much insight
I feel like most meditations backfire on me, as this meditation progressed i went from profound existential dread, wanting to roll to a ball on the floor and cry to feeling physical nauseous from that existential dread and then went to extreme anger. Then i usually feel left alone with my feelings and i dont know how to handle them. So i usually stay clear of meditation as it never did anything good to me. I feel like there is lots of potential in meditation, but i dont know how to handle it.
What I've understood about meditation is that usually once you're alone with your feelings, you have to just sit and observe them (like you would clouds in the sky that are passing by) as they come and go. As long as you don't attach yourself to a thought or feeling and feed it (for ex: "shit, I forgot to take out the trash" if you attach to it and/or feed it it might become "damn, I can't do anything right" etc, instead of just passing by), then that thought and/or feeling will just pass by because they aren't permanent states. I do understand that it can feel very distressing though, as it can bring up a lot of pent up emotions that have been suppressed and buried deep, thus probably causing big physical reactions. The best advice I can give you would be, if meditation is something that you would like to pursue, to see a mental health professional who could accompany and guide you during your discovery of meditation as they should be able to help you better process your overwhelming emotions and physical reactions while avoiding adding extra harm and trauma. Hope this helps! And hope you get the help you need and deserve!
Wow, so weird. I have just now been dealing with this exact same issue.. looking forward to the rest of this video. My progress really started to pick up when I found your channel, but this is exactly where I have gotten stuck.
I have suffered with my self image self esteem and confidence until my mid 20s and even then i was faking all of my confidence and had to constantly fight off my self image issues. I felt so much shame anxiety and guilt it was so hard to be confident or feel good about myself. Now that my mental health is actually good now its easy to be confident and feel good about myself. I feel my ego is healthy because its really just a good self image. I like to be kind to people and dont use my confidence in myself to put people down.
I think this is one of the best and one of the most useful videos I've watch to understand both - myself and people around. Absolutely great information. Thank you very much.
7:00 I actually am doing this. Went keto, exercise every other day, no drugs or alcohol, uninstalled games. There are less distractions now and my body is looking good. I sometimes struggle with sleeping on time
Amazing video and analysis as always! But the meditation part at the end of the video really got me. The technique and your voice in combination was really well received. Thank you!
I didn't watch any video talking about comparison because I didn't feel it was relatable but as soon as he talked about the relationship between comparison and ego I knew I would need to think about it. And to work on mine.
Are you kidding me? I can totally compare myself to trees in nature. They are so strong and beautiful and I’m weak and ugly, if only I could be a tree like those treeees Jokes aside though I love this video and the talk, negative ego I feel is one of if not the biggest issue I struggle with and prevents me from taking risks in ANYTHING. Working on some thought changes and stuff, thank you for your work and time Dr. K!
I researched ego by roleplaying in video games. Whatever any of my characters would do or at least understand was not ego but egoless doing so to speak. Like a paladin and a rogue would do very different things. But save the world for a reward any of them would do. The importance they give onto something is different. But the action (or plot of a Videogame) is independent of ego. That's the way I discovered my ego.
28:35 --> -- -- That definitely is true. We are way too much compressed towards "learning" stuff we feel secure to learn in a surface level but unsafe to do so on a deep level. Too many trending topics of media, too much information and empty awareness, which is, having the information to feel awareness enough but not having enough information to actually do something with it. Science videos have become the Ego videos in some strange form of education. Its important to note that, while this "rule" doesnt apply 100% at all. It does makes you wonder how many of the information you consume are for just to have an empty awareness over stuff (ego feeding) rather than learning a useful way to use that information.
A teacher of mine talked about the ego/self as like a fist. Does your fist really exist? Is it part of human anatomy? No. Its created and it is sometimes useful. But having your hand in a fist position constantly is a handicap.
A lot of times I've heard the idea 'not to judge', but your 'try not to compare' is more useful, as in itself it is less judgemental, more neutral, thanks!
This meditation has worked so well for me!! I have been struggling with going inwards cuz couldn’t differentiate which part of myself was peaceful; although I paradoxally went straight to it when you became to guide us inwards!! The peaceful noticing part ^^ Thank you so much for this key, I didn’t have a good understanding of « notice your thoughts » before this experience for some reason
I have trouble seeing myself in a third party perspective and how my ego operates and interacts with others in social situations. It leads to Alot of misunderstandings but I am working on seeing where I fit in my environment. Iv fallen on the idea of ego death to be a way of fixing this but I found parts of it will always be there just doesn’t have to be identified with. Learning to look from the ego and not at it is helpful for me. Caring what others think causes addiction relapse for me. I have been getting to know myself through isolation and meditations.
Working with IFS therapy i can relate a lot with the concept of the self and the ego. There are "parts" of us that have existed with us since birth but due to trauma and other adverse experiences, they take on the role of protecting us from feeling the negative emotions. This can equate to the ego. The "self" often gets blended with our parts and thats how we end up living our lives but in reality it has its own characteristics that are common amongst all human beings. These are sometimes called the eight "Cs" and include qualities like confidence, cusriosity, courage etc. As a side note, ego could also be a product of our limbic brain and the self a product of our cortex brain. Do we attain nirvana or moksha once the ego or parts of us go back to its original state?
Did the meditation, maybe I should do it mroe often, but how is it even possible to ground or to ''sit'' in the part of yourself that observes the emotions and thoughts. Just nothing happens. Noticing a certain thought is in itself a thought. I fail to see how there's a layer that's somehow deeper. That, or I don't have a true self :)
Keep practicing it! Sometimes I can pull it off easier than other times. I’ve been practicing meditations, similar to this one, that he’s taught before and it’s getting easier than it used to be
@@ZTRCTGuy "Just nothing happens." This tells me you might be closer than you think. Have you ever had one of those spells when you've been idly doing things for a while and suddenly realize you haven't been thinking about anything for a few minutes? The mental chatter was just... turned off for a bit? (And then the moment you realize it's happening the thoughts flood back in -- like when you suddenly notice you've been unintentionally holding your breath for a while and you need to suck in some air 😆) That's you without the thoughts. You can totally have thoughts about your thoughts, and thoughts about those, in an endless recursion like you described. But on a level more fundamental than that is the operating system the whole "thought" interface is running on. Here's my easy way of reaching that level: Take away all sights, all sounds, all senses, all bodily form, all memory, all thoughts and ideas, all space and time, all light and dark... until you are nothing but awareness, with no context to your existence. Empty, silent, and eternal. That's you. The kernel of your consciousness. And everything else, including the brain itself and all its workings, is something that central consciousness is experiencing. _You_ do not think. Your brain gathers input and performs computations at a level far below your awareness, which eventually present themselves to you as the _experience_ of having a thought. Without _you_ to experience it, all that electrochemical buzzing in your head would be just as meaningless as any other chemical process happening anywhere in the universe. The thing about all this is that your awareness is _always_ there whether you get in touch with it or not. You are always observing your thoughts. That's what consciousness is. But just like watching a really engaging movie, you might get too invested and forget that you're simply watching a scene play out. When you take a step back from the action and _be the observer,_ the jump scares lose a lot of their effect on you. Same goes with bothersome or hurtful thoughts.
What happens if the ego isn't as strong as it needs to be? Nobody ever talks about the doctor who could benefit from ego to inspire the confidence necessary to lead.
