Cheating or Nah? The "Deep Dive" -- FULL LENGTH EPISODE 7!! 

So your telling me he hasn't cleaned under his bed or washed those socks in 6 months or she didn't see it any other time she sat in that same spot and fixed her makeup? Yeah no he's cheating.

That behavior within first story. The super calm lying is a sign of a potential abuser as well.

"Feel my heartbeat" 🚩🚩🚩 Typical psychopath proving themselves "not guilty" move

I tested the condom thing before, it dries out overnight. He cheated and recently. Girlfriend he’s a psycho! RUN! You’re in for far worse if you stay!

Story 1: if sitting on the floor beside his bed to refresh her makeup is a regular thing, and he claims this used condom wrapper has been there all along, would she not have noticed it sooner?

tested the condon theory, hes deffo lyinggggg

Condom guy is lying but doing it in a way that causes confusion and self doubt while coming across as genuine

Um...please, always tell the wife. Always. The chance of a psycho wife is slim but a wife that's at home doing his laundry, packing his lunches, and cheering for him...she deserves to know. Because she's pouring her life into his and he's throwing it away.

The fact he knew they needed to “talk” by seeing her looking at something under his bed… ya, he knew he was caught for sure. Like if he truly hadn’t done anything wrong then why did he know right away that he needed to confront an issue. If he hadn’t done anything wrong he would’ve been equally as confused as she was.

I've found the best "revenge" is to move on with your life. Let them spend their energy knowing you're living your best life, happy without them.

Sooooo she regularly sat in the same spot to do her makeup, she didn't notice it two weeks ago, and he quickly figured out why she looked upset. If it was a wrapper he didn't know about he wouldn't think "oh that wrapper from 6 months ago...." and I think the lube would've dried.

He had a story prepared.. He didn't panic about having to provide an explanation.. He was ready to tell her what she needed to hear in order to be "placated"...

If the condom’s lube is water-based (instead of oil or silicone based), I doubt the condom wrapper has been open for six months. But still, a person does not have to have legal-grade proof to end a relationship if they’re uneasy. Adults can just say, “Nope,” and that’s definitely what I would say to this relationship. Plus, his gentle response sounds way too smooth and rehearsed.

I dated someone who had a million stories about cheating ex's, and was constantly searching for signs that I was cheating. I found out after we broke up that he was actually the one cheating on me.

He's definitely cheating. The fact that he also brought up the hair tie. He's setting it up so that if she finds other items that aren't hers theres an explanation

If they cheat with you, they will cheat on you. Almost never fails

First story: She broke up with him! No official update just a comment from OP (she added a smiley face to the comment so she seems to be doing well)

Dude I’m sorry but I’m so frustrated by the whole “good on him for admitting he cheated.” Ummm no? He cheated. It doesn’t matter if they can admit it. He knew that she was going to find out and was done. That’s why girls stay with guys who cheat CONSTANTLY.

The guy who called his girlfriend his "wife" literally has a wife. Cmon, he won't get married but his coworkers think he has a wife? He probably got mad because his coworkers might know his wife and might get him caught. 100%.

I had an ex who was what I believe to be a high functioning sociopath who cheated on me several times. I only found out about 4 of the occasions which required me to do a lot of digging and secret shit. He hid it all so well and lied to my face in that calm composed way the OP described in the first story. It's absolutely terrifying and I really hope that girl dumped his ass and moved on..

He cheated. She stated she did her “routine” of sitting in the floor and touching up her makeup, and she has never seen it before till this day. CHEATER

My first thought on the wife story was that he was actually married lol and she didn’t know. That would explain why he is adamant to not get married...because he can’t. And his boss would know because of paperwork you fill out when you get employees. Like taxes “married filing joint/separate” because he legal has to say he is married. And retirement in some states your wife/husband HAS to be your beneficiary. That’s where mind went...😂😂

Honestly the for the third story I was convinced that he actually was married, and she was the “side piece” and so he was talking about his wife and they thought it was her

When I heard the calm and collected way he talked it immediately gave me a read flag because if I was accused of cheating id be upset if I infact wasn't. Having emotion is a sign of actually caring about what type of person your partner thinks you are.

The third story about the boyfriend saying they’re married is living a double life 100% and that’s why he wouldn’t marry the girlfriend. Because he already is. He must talk about his other girl/wife while at work.

"Should I confront them?" is sometimes as simple as the person knowing that a confrontation has to happen but they need an outside force to validate the decision cause they are so scared of the outcome.

My issue with “building a case” is if that person is cheating and I’m intimate with them again after that, they could be passing on STI’s over those weeks/months that I’m gathering evidence. For me, I’d rather wipe my hands clean and leave.

How would he immediately know she’d seen a condom wrapper under the bed… if he supposedly didn’t know it was still there from 6 months ago…

I definetly would be like "Fine let's clean your room so we don't find anymore used condom wrappers." Then see what happens from there.

SO. The boyfriend said that the condom was from the summer months before he met his gf. He said this without (I ASSUME) knowing the condom was still wet. Not only is he cheating but he is gaslighting/lying to her

i just found your podcast on tiktok and now i'm addicted

The last story when they’re talking about telling the wife. She deserves to know. You’re not breaking a family, he was the one to decide to cheat on his wife. He’s the one breaking the family. It was his choice. I would tell the wife. I would want to be honest because she deserves to know. I would want to know if I was the wife. I wouldn’t want to be with a man that was cheating on me.

Story 1: First of all, his answer sounds rehearsed. Him wanting to come to her house instead all the time randomly, seems like he was scared she would find something so he was trying to avoid it… which would make sense why his answer sounds rehearsed? Like he was preparing for it…Idk…If she sits there to do her makeup every time (which us girls have our “makeup spots” so makes sense), surely she would have seen it before. He’s cheating.

Just finished the podcast for this one, and yesssss please these random rants are just so entertaining. Honestly your life experience and stories can be its own segment.

I love this channel! It's like having tea time with the ladies in quarantine

"You build a case." *Law & Order Dun Dun sound plays *

*For the “wife” thread* My fiancé and I call each other husband and wife because it’s less “pretentious” than Fiancée/fiancé. We also have a group of friends who call our S/O the matching husband/wife tag, however, we know that everyone wants to get married and it’s in our future (and it’s only around each other). If a man doesn’t want to marry you, why would he get to call you his wife? It’s a sacred word that has a heavy significance for people and to get mad at the OP for correcting a term is uncalled for.

He told coworker he’s married to remove pressure to leave the relationship. The girl he’s cheating with was probably pressuring him to leave his girlfriend so he lied and said she’s my wife.

My parents are 20 years apart (and still married), so age differences have never bothered me, but I would be pissed if I thought there was only a 2 year age difference and it turned out there was 8.

My ex boyfriend looked me dead in my face, cried and swore on someones grave that he didn't cheat. He was* in fact cheating the entire relationship.

I dealt with a similar situation as the condom wrapper. The looking me straight in the eyes, validating my feelings, making me feel his heart beat, ect. He was lying the entire time and that was still gaslighting.

TIMESTAMPS !! story 1 - 0:10 story 2 - 19:39 story 3 - 41:25 story 4 - 1:05:38

Wait but the question no one is asking: are those REAL BANANAS growing out of that tree???

For the cheating wife from Alejandras story: you are not throwing a grenade, she set off a time bomb on her family already and the longer they sit on it the more damage it’ll cause

Recently heard that respecting boundaries is the way to show you love and care about someone. It's the easy guide to how to show someone you love them by acknowledging their boundaries because it shows you listened to someone and their needs.

I've had a boy who had kissed me while he was in a relationship, sincerely, dead in my face, tell me and our friends that he has never cheated on anyone. If I hadnt literally known 1st hand that he was lying, I would have believed him. so creepy.

I think the age gap was weird because he was lying about his age and she had an idea of a different person. Catfish people are weird .

"Now I'm Ignited' is an amazing statement and this should be part of your merch.

Honestly for that first one if it was actually there for six months a normal person wouldn’t actually be that intense about the situation, they’d probably think it wasn’t a huge deal and try to dismiss it before accepting that they need to talk about it.

He needs to be straight with her. What are the perks he thinks he is getting from his work by calling her her wife? More respect? Higher pay maybe compares to his single coworkers? What is it? It’s fishy and wrong

27:45 no one talks about how hard it is to not give your boyfriend “wife privileges” when your love language is acts of service. I relate to Lauren’s “oops!” So much 😂

I think she lied about the heartbeat thing, I think she wanted everyone to say he wasn't cheating, so she threw that in, because that is super weird. And it backfired.

I agree about letting him hold the groceries. My man won't let me hold too much and fixes stuff for me. I'm useless with tools and the man is an electrician. But I'm pretty decent at making food so I usually cook. I don't really think about this like gender roles especially because we always clean together and he helps me put laundry away and he cooks when I'm sick. I think you just gotta take care of each other

Story 1: Definitely a cheater. The change in wanting to only go to her house? The wet condom? Not explaining RIGHT AWAY?? If you KNOW it looks bad wouldn't you be a LITTLE stressed? I'd run. Guy sounds like a sociopath.

There's no excuse to not tell the wife. Regardless of your own feelings

(for the girlfriend finding out he has a wife) found out my boyfriend of 2 1/2 was cheating, first thing i did was tell the other girl - she stayed, but i knew i would feel guilty if i didn’t tell her. it’s all personal preference and what you’re comfortable with, but from experience, i think it’s better to tell

My ex took our daughter ( age 5 at the time) on a date and still tried to lie about it . Said our daughter lied 🤥. Even though she got the name of girl correct. He Still lied about it. Said daughter told me about the affair. Ugh 😣 why lie about cheating if you are gonna take your daughter with you .

Definitely cheating. I was in a situation where something I did looked bad but I wasn’t cheating and I was crying and begging and my heart was racing so much because I didn’t want to lose him over something that wasn’t the way it seems

that first guy is a sociopath "feel my heart" crazy

I swear I'm the exact same wave length as these girls, especially Alejandra 🥰 love you ladies! First podcast I've actually be able to stand listening to, let alone getting hooked to! 🥰

I heard something interesting about the saying "once a cheater always a cheater" I heard that it's true because once they cheat to you and in your mind and heart you'll always see them as a cheater on some level It's more than your image and full trust in them is broken rather than a guarantee they'll do it again

If that's her routine at his place over months of going there and it's "been there for months" you would have seen it before this day.

I'm having such a hard day, bawling uncontrollably and Ale saying "he's still there poisoning the lakes" and it just flipped my mood completely. That was so so needed and funny. Thank you

Just a thought - for the first story - if she usually sits on the floor in the same spot getting ready, how had she never seen the wrapper before? And that would straight up mean her BF never cleans his room?

I follow a diagnosed sociopath on TT; and according to her, sociopaths don't feel remorse, regret, or sympathy. So, for him to point out his heart rate wasn't the slightest bit raised in a tense moment, says he has no remorse for what he did and the utmost confidence in his ability to gaslight her. This dude sounds scary af.😬

Story #1 is a top tier sociopath. Speaking from experience, the calm lying and "logic" .... oh boy I feel bad for that girl 😅

8 years isn't weird.... when both people KNOW that it's 8 years (and of course, they're both of legal age). It would definitely be disturbing to discover your significant other is older than you by more than you realized.

I would ask to check his phone. If he is coming out that sincere, he should then understand why you would want to do that. See how he reacts. ✌🏽

The dude berating and then asking his gf to lie to his coworker to help him save face for lying…. That just sounds like a narcissist being mad they got exposed making things up about themselves, projecting it onto the person they’re with.

i had an ex that would lie looking into my eyes and would even wipe my tears when i first got suspicious about her infidelity, so girl… his posture means nothing

Why would anyone hold out hope for a man they know will cheat, because he’s cheating with them? That’s extremely idiotic.

Okay but why hasnt he cleaned his floor in six months

It blows my mind that grown ass adults cant or won’t communicate, like they just expect you to read their minds😩

my bf’s cousin found out her boyfriend was cheating in such a good way. she made a fake facebook account and started messaging him and convinced him to meet up with her EIGHT HOURS AFTER THEY STARTED TEXTING. when they met up he realized it was her and he started back peddling. this was about a year ago and they’re still together to this day but i would’ve been done then and there.

I dated a guy like that first guy He was fucking CRAZY, ruined my life, almost killed me, is a covert narcissist, and would lie just like that and act like a sane person but that cannot be further from the truth. So glad I left and NEVER LOOKED BACK!

I thought the third one was going towards a secret wife😂 me and my partner spoke about marriage and then I fell pregnant, the marriage plans flew out the window but he calls me ‘the mrs’

If you haven’t proposed you cannot call her your wife

I’m literally addicted to these videos 😩

1:10:02 Alejandra girl😭 please always tell the other woman/partner thats getting cheated on. It doesn’t matter if you are “blowing up a family” everyone deserves to know if they are getting cheated on & betrayed. I would be sick if i found out that someone knew i was getting cheated on and didn’t let me know. Because why do i have to continue on not knowing that I’m being betrayed behind my back. You are NOT the one throwing the grenade at the family, the person who cheated is. You can let the person know and then remove yourself from the situation to avoid the extra drama.

I disagree with telling the cheated partner is like throwing a grenade in a family, more like uncovering a landmine

Lol the reason he wants her to pretend to be his wife is because studies show married men in the work place get promoted and better treatment than non married men. He’s definitely trying to eat his cake while not having to worry about the commit. Which is really messed up. She should cut her losses and run.

I think that if you find out someone you're dating/hooking up with is married and has a family and you tell the spouse then you aren't the one throwing a grenade at the family. You are alerting the family to the bomb that's already been planted in their house. The person who did the cheating is the one that destroyed the family not you

I’m rewatching videos because ✨boredom✨. On my second watch I thought I should weigh in. I believe in being the bigger person. HOWEVER, I think that you should do whatever you need to do to heal as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone(including yourself.) if both parties were okay with sleeping together, I say go for it. It’s amazing if people can go through life and move on without getting revenge(?) but sometimes people aren’t wired that way. I think the main issue is that they both need to explore introspectively and see if that’s really what they need to move on. One could argue that it would hurt the ex’s, but I don’t feel that they have a right to that hurt. Once they severed their partner’s trust, they no longer have a say in how they heal themselves.

I listen to no other podcasts, really, but I'm f*cking addicted to this one.

I had an ex who was USING MY PHONE to sext my "best friend" behind my back. He acted like he was all mad because I was still in communication with my ex (we have a daughter together) and then I found out he was messaging her on my own phone. He was in the shower, I found it, and just walked in an held it up till he saw it. Then all of a sudden he was slamming his head against the wall because I was mad at him for it... yeahhhhhh, me and my daughter got outta there lol

He is cheating, men do the deny deny deny thing even if you have all the evidence. Women want to believe and will believe I don’t know why?! Leave him girl a man that can lie to you, look into your eyes and act that way. You aren’t the first not the last. Move on!

That’s such a hard thing when telling the married spouse their husband/ wife is cheating. Because it’s not just the adults. This affects innocent children. But if the husband/ wife didn’t cheat to begin with there would be no situation. It would be hard…but I’d tell. It sucks. And it’s hard…but damn. I feel for the kids. And the family dynamic

I was a side chick once that I knew he was in a relationship. He talked all kinds of crap about her and I let myself believe it despite knowing better (so absolutely my fault) and I broke things off. He kept telling me he was leaving her and she was crazy and she wasn’t happy with her. They got married later and then divorced and he got separated from the military with a dishonorable discharge. I got my karma in the end though. When I finally got in a committed relationship I couldn’t feel trust or believe he was faithful for years!!! He was but I was constantly broken because I couldn’t believe it. That was the guilt I felt for doing what I did. Also I didn’t respect myself AT ALL when I was seeing that guy. I was hurting myself in so many ways. It was me dealing with my trauma from my childhood since I had been sexually assaulted for years by my father.

hi!!! been listening to yalls podcast ever since i found it a week ago! fellow minnesotan here and been loving hearing all the mn references LOL

I’ve tried the build a case tactic and I always end up with scraps 😭 spent 3 years with a dude while trying to build a case and we BOTH became the toxic gaslighting one lol🤧

Having been with a narcissist for almost 8 years.. he's cheating.. a true narcissist will look you dead in the eyes, and lie, without thinking twice.. and if he was really innocent, he wouldn't have said "let's stay in and talk" he would have picked it up, tossed it, said "I'm sorry, that's really old" and maybe laughed it off.. he's cheating. Period.

I've had almost an exact situation with a guy I dated he's cheating for sure and a liar. Like he did everything like this had me look directly in his eyes, feel his heart rate, talk calmly to me, everything. All this means is that he's used to being in these situations and being caught cheating and knows how to handle it. If he isn't cheating I'll be extremely surprised.

She found it in a spot where she always sits to do her makeup and didn’t see it before? He’s lyingggg

I cant believe he said he would never manipulate her, he said that TO MANIPULATE HER, but he’s trying to play it smart, I can’t believe people like this can lie so easily, and on top of the expiration date,

All the “best friend betrays OP” stories on Reddit has made me appreciate my best friends even more. And luckily, except for celebrities, my BFFs and I have completely different tastes when it comes to guys.

First girl should of checked the trash cans in the house to see if the condom was still there.

The revenge discussion was really interesting. Everyone’s personalities are very very different. I am perfectly fine with the revenge idea. Evens it out. If I talk to the person who did me wrong for “closure” would give them closure too. Getting even it closure where it doesn’t feel like neither of us won and neither lost. I don’t care about being the bigger person. Let’s make it even. But to be fair, I don’t really do long term relationships and I’ve never been cheated on. Im aromantic at least at this time in my life 🤷🏻‍♀️

With the story about the bf lying about her being his wife. I thought about him cheating and saying to the coworker "I can't divorce my wife, it's too complicated but I love you". Married dudes always play with that.

What he did in the beginning when she found the wrapper and he sat down to talk wasn't honesty - it was skillful manipulation. He has lied before, a lot. When you read that part my blood ran cold: my ex who gaslighted me for 2 years and was cheating and lying about other things behind my back was this smooth and skillful from the very first time I confronted him with suspicions about him going through my phone and laptop. I hope she ran, and if she sees this now, trust your gut and walk away before you waste years with him. I speak from experience.

That guy is a full blown sociopath.. Even if you’re telling the truth you will be scared as shit and your heart will be pounding.. RUN!