Here are the timestamps. Please check out our sponsors to support this podcast. 0:00 - Introduction & sponsor mentions: - True Classic Tees: trueclassictees.com/lex and use code LEX to get 25% off - InsideTracker: insidetracker.com/lex to get 20% off - ExpressVPN: expressvpn.com/lexpod to get 3 months free - BetterHelp: betterhelp.com/lex to get 10% off - Blinkist: blinkist.com/lex to get 25% off premium 1:16 - Silk Road 11:39 - Mass surveillance 15:50 - Operation Onion Peeler 21:06 - Hacker Avunit 31:56 - Ross Ulbricht and Silk Road 44:39 - Edward Snowden 46:44 - NSA surveillance 58:51 - Silk Road murders 1:07:37 - Dark web 1:11:39 - Ross Ulbricht's arrest 1:19:37 - Aaron Swartz 1:22:55 - Donald Trump and the Mar-a-Lago raid 1:26:01 - Tech companies and censorship 1:35:00 - War in Ukraine 1:38:58 - Anonymous and LulzSec 1:49:10 - FBI 1:52:11 - Personal threats 1:57:57 - Hector Monsegur a.k.a Sabu 2:11:07 - Cyber attack threats against civilians 2:27:55 - Most secure operating system 2:31:44 - Cyber war 2:39:38 - Advice for young people 2:44:50 - FBI's credibility 2:53:21 - Love
Lex, you have saved my life time and time again with your podcast along with your buddy Joe Rogan, I’ve learned so much, and have gained so much hope and inspiration to go on in life, whether that be in directions of new or full out mastery of my current status. When I was going through a difficult time, a few years ago, I stumbled upon an episode of JRE where I found you. Since then, I have educated myself, and consumed all of your content it was something I thought to be interesting, or many of your topics that I am indulged of enlightenment with. Apologies for the grammar, English isn’t as easy for me these days. Before having the para social relationship with you that I do now, I was on the verge of committing suicide due to an influx of daily life bullsht overwhelming my hard drive aka organics/brain. Even if the entertainment factor doesn’t always hit me with each of you, or guess I always learn some thing and end your episodes with a feeling of fulfillment, and hope for the future. You and Joe truly have changed and saved my life more than I can explain, in so many words. Sincerely, a lost toad looking for answers from the universe to understand the universe inside of myself if that makes any sense.
As always, I really appreciate the comments here. I read them and learn from them. I hope to talk to other side, including Ross Ulbricht himself. If I make mistakes, I will improve. In general, I'll talk to everyone, with empathy & compassion. I'll be attacked for this, but I won't give up. Love you all.
Will it be as easy to arrange an interview with Ross as it was with this guy? This guy actually violated the non aggression principle. Did Ross? The wrong person is locked up. Edit - Reserving criticism since I haven't been through the whole thing yet. But I feel sick, wondering if you'll push back on this guy and call him out for ruining lives. The state is the greatest violator of human rights. And I bet this guy feels totally entitled to do so.
You are cool, its just that the internet wont let this person have the easy way showing his face, with good reasons, no one has listened fully yet but it shows how much people dislike him
Lex. Even though we do not always agree on everything, I truly believe you are one of the most important podcasts on the air, in the world. I find you as fascinating as your guests. Thank you.
@@kreglfromworld his story has changed on that. It was originally that he tried to move it up the ladder but his latest stuff including with Stossel he spoke of why he did not go directly to superiors or a formal whistle blowing channel. Trying to understand the position and knowing how the system would rather disappear the "problem" than rectifing it.
The same glaring hypocritically sick joke I was not surprised to hear him utter. We already know that just the CIA on its own have done so many evil things such as manufacture illegal war, MKUltra, and other crimes that overall, they do more bad than good, so are an entire waste of money and net negative as well as a net injustice for the people overall. Most of the 3 letter agencies seem to be burdens on the people that mostly hinder Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.
Snowden is kind of a weird case because he broke the rules to get access to the information he leaked. The things he leaked he didnt personally have access to, he had to trick coworkers into letting him use their accounts. He also didnt just expose the misconduct of the government, he leaked documents that were comparatively mundane but classified still. So they want to use that as a technicality to basically write off the loss that is this info becoming public but still lock him up because he did in fact break laws not associated with the whistle blowing.
Unfortunately @@cursed5359, you will probably never get an accounting that is untainted by the biases of one side or the other or both. There are much more thorough versions available though.
Silk Road was awesome, name brand medicine for 1/4th the price, saved my moms life multiple times, no thanks to the criminal organization known as our medical system. There are dark places all over the internet, Silk Road was no better, no worse. It was basically unfiltered, unmonitored, craigslist…
This fbi dude is the definition of a sheep, mindless and short sighted in his explanation. Using individual anecdotal experiences and refusing to acknowledge what was great on Silk Road. Perfect government slave, definitely would mindlessly follow orders…
You make a solid point. Kinda ridiculous that big pharma still has people convinced that some drugs are evil while their opioids are safe, and a bargain at only four times the price.
I wish there was a discussion about the corrupt FBI agents indicted with the Ross Ulbricht case. They got away with a slap on their hands whilst doing pretty horrible things.
I don’t think either of them was actually an FBI agent, one was a DEA agent and the other worked for the secret service. But the DEA agent I believe was the lead undercover agent on the case yet Ross’ defense attorneys weren’t allowed to even mention it at trial.
Ross Ulbricht should be freed from jail. He's done his time, his sentencing was ridiculous and didn't deter anyone from doing the exact same thing. I'd argue the DEA are more corrupt than Ross ever was.
He thought be had already killed people(ross). Don't let your desire for drug freedom make you think he was some swell freedom advocate. Yes.he was extorted, guess its your interior call on whether he is excused for passing torture and death sentences on those folks..he saw those as people as bugs,and it was time to squash.
@@johnscott6481 He did'nt kill anyone. He got a life bid for drugs. They used his supposed "attempted murder charge" as leverage for his sentence, but never convicted him of murder for hire.
There are people who rape, torture, and murder, and get 20-30 years in prison. There are also people who repeatedly molesters children and get 5-10 years. Yet Ross ran a drug website and got life plus 40 years. Something is out of wack.🤔
Judge said they want to make an example so others don't follow, clearly stupid approach and didn't even work as a deterrent. I truly hope Ross gets presidential pardon at some point, like I hope people will wake up (maybe it's stupid hope, but hope dies at the end), and vote someone who values freedom, privacy, and maybe someone more liberal could see an issue with that sentences. Like if he spent like 10 years in prison that's already soo much, 15 years, 20, but lifetime? Cruel and pointless.
A while back, the FBI busted a CP distributer that was using Tor. The defense lawyer requested discovery on how his client was identified, and the FBI dropped all charges. They have a way around Tor and are totally unwilling to let the public know about it.
It was called pegasus. Which the CIA uses today overseas so as you can imagine the FBI is using it to here in the United States we have to give Tim Cook accolades because of his lockdown mode which eliminated the Pegasus threat.
@@duanejackson6718 volunteers, did you even consider making any research? I run relays, no profit, I do it, because I want to, lots of people like me run relays. You can run a relay too, it's not expensive, it's not very hard, and if they don't control enough nodes the whole effort is wasted. You can also use your own relay as entry into tor network and then blend your traffic with other traffic that you might relay through.
@@MasterKaloryfer well I'm glad you're volunteering to do noble work, but we're kidding ourselves if we don't think intelligence agencies aren't involved somehow with the flow of information. Then it seems likely they have some way of tracking the flow of information.
Lex, please have Ross Ulbricht's mother on to give their side of the story. There's so much misinformation going around. Has been for years. She's a great speaker and will make a great guest.
I work as a metal worker, welding, grinding, painting, etc, and wear protective gear 75% of my work day. This enables me to listen to Lex interviews in their entirety, and this was tremendous. 3 hours passed as if in a moment. Interview concludes, shut down the drill press, wash up a go home. Pretty good day, inspite of the frightening cyber apocalypse about to befall mankind! Lex + guest= good times... ✌🏻
Also a metalworker and listen to 6-8hrs of podcasting a day. Going in depth on topics and long form conversation makes you realise how surface level the news and public opinion is on most things.
This may seem weird but don’t wear wireless AirPods because in order for both to work, one starts and the radiation etc has to go through your brain to get the other one to work. Either wear one at a time or go back to the earphones with the wire.
@@romes3217 I work outside and can also listen for hours at a time and I feel sometimes it’s tough to have conversations with the normie’s who don’t have a clue what this world is really about
The dude who founded silk road himself didn’t even do anything wrong. He just created a website, he shouldn’t have been arrested. They go after the WRONG people just to make it look like they’re actually doing good.
That man literally leaked military training and research documents that were in no way against any privacy laws or regulations. Entire plans to protect Americans military or civilian. Not once did Snowden even attempt to go through proper channels which are anonymous. Besides that he could have just leaked the documents pertaining to the actual crimes but he didn’t, even attempting to sell the data to the Chinese and Russians
@@SmartDumbNerdyCool he isn't in jail for providing that service he's in jail for ordering hits dude. read the transcripts. i have nothing against adults doing whatever they want with their own bodies and taking what they will but he crossed a line. that said life is too long for his sentence.
@Tom L Wrong. He was never tried on those charges. He was convicted on drug, money laundering, and hacking charges. Also, he is not in jail, he’s in prison.
Lex really knows how to invoke emotions out of the people he interviews; shows the humanity within us all. Definitely got some tears out of me in the end as well.
The government has no more right to tell me what goes into my mouth, including illegal drugs, than it has to tell me what comes out of my mouth. Milton Friedman
I’d like to hear from one of the low iq chimps who think the government should tell you what you are allowed to do with your own body. How do you come to such a silly conclusion.
@@Dragonstar-p5c Same goes for people who eat unhealthy food then? imho, public health care should work like insurance companies, how they do a risk assessment based on your life style, which influences how much you're covered, how much you should pay, etc. which would include food, drugs, etc.
@@rsautos If they stopped the war on drugs, it would stop hurting ALOT of people. Think of the money spent trying to fight drugs that could have been used to help people fight drugs ! People have used drugs for far longer than when they started fighting against it... and people will continue to use drugs until the end of time whether others agree with it or not. It's just another way of forcing control on us. Most of the world's "elite" evidently take substances themselves, regularly. Stop bowing down to them, stop worrying about what others do with their lives and just be happy that you live such a perfect life that you don't feel the need to unwind or cope with substances...
The Silk Road days were truly the best time on the internet. Having said that, I don’t delude myself. Ross let his quest for power cloud his judgement. Couple that with every man’s weakness and it was only a matter of time. He legit tried to have a fictional person killed. I don’t agree with the sentence but let’s not pretend DPR was just a web designer lol
anytime someone says, "We had to do it". I get the sense they are justifying acts that they realize are immoral. Or at least self serving motives that they are attributing to a greater good.
We had to do it because we have circumstantial evidence of him sending hits on 6 people... I understand what you're saying but at the same time they "had to do it".
@ I mean you could potentially have a podcast with someone in prison through visitation. Either in person through the glass or even just a long phone call.
Ross Ulbricht can not be visited I'm pretty sure. They put that dude over a barrel and the entire US Govt and all its agencies took turns on his ass. This Tarbell guy went first. The judge went last.
@@4x4r974 yeah that kinda muddies the waters since he one thousand percent did that, but was never convicted of it. He got life without parole even without that though so he might not care about admitting it? If he is still appealing he probably wouldn't talk.. but I'd be interested to know whether he's turned over a new leaf, or whether he'd try to deny it and spin some story.
He's the perfect example of "in hindsight do you think they were bad guys or you were the bad guys?" His answer "I was just doing my job" ..doesn't think about or gaf if he's doing right or wrong just "it's the law" "it's code blah blah"
What do you expect from an unapologetic FBI loser. Class act greedy pig that made a ton of money at taxpayers expense to prop up a horrendous operation that they still blandly pledge allegiance to (the war on drugs).
This is my parents, police both. I've been working on them for years. They both voted Libertarian down the ticket the last two elections. That counts for something, I guess.
I am glad he is in jail for so long. All of you are pretending that the only thing sold on the Silk Road was drugs, tons of child pornography and sex trafficking existed on it as well. And even if it was only drugs, the belief that users are the only ones negatively impacted by drug use is asinine. Drug users have a much higher likelihood of committing violent crimes, and an extraordinarily higher chance of committing property crimes to fund their habit. Arguing that drug use is fine because some users aren’t addicts and aren’t committing additional offenses is akin to arguing no one should be charged with DUIs. If they didn’t hurt anyone on that night, it’s not a problem, even though it significantly increased the likelihood of harm to the community. And that doesn’t even get into the issues caused to society for the harm done to the users themselves. We end up using tons of social services to try to help people struggling with addiction, from government benefits to medical services. Because almost all of those scheduled drugs are highly addictive and it ends up destroying the lives of many users. Plus, society loses competent workers and instead has to spend to take care of the addicts. Society loses the benefit of having competent parents, it’s dangerous for kids to be watched by someone who is high, and drugs impair brain activity making it harder to teach kids as they grow. And this all stems from the concept that we should “let adults do what they want.” Is it still a conscious and thought out decision when the person is an addict whose brain is changed to need those substances? Is it still a conscious decision when many users are self-medicating mental health issues?
@@shmuelcoen9906 *"Arguing that drug use is fine because some users aren’t addicts and aren’t committing additional offenses is akin to arguing no one should be charged with DUIs"* NO, it's akin to arguing that alcohol should be illegal because some people drive drunk. The rest of your rambling is destroyed by this one point.
@@LIQUIDSNAKEz28 1. We are talking about drug dealers, not drug users. In my analogy, Ross isn’t the one driving, he’s the bartender purposefully over serving the customer then handing the keys to the car. 2. Alcohol and drugs are not a 1:1 comparison. The drugs on the Silk Road are significantly more dangerous, and using itself is inherently dangerous as opposed to alcohol. A couple of quick results from studies about specific drugs: - a study of methamphetamine users in England found that 24% of those who had been taken to the hospital for detox were dead within 15years - heroine users are on average 63x more likely to die than their respective demographics - a study of cocaine users in Brazil found 18.5% mortality rates within 5 years. That’s the differences. For many of the drugs Ross was putting up for sale, mortality rates of 20% are expected within a few years
This dude is a scumbag and is directly responsible for thousands of deaths of people who couldn't order pure stuff anymore and had to get street drugs again. Anyone who works for the government should not be trusted, they have this internal allegiance to the corrupt elites and will betray their fellow citizens.
Police is not self governance there is a protocol in every situation and the need for self thinking should be minimsed. You have no idea how hard it is to work as a police officer, there are idiots every where but lets enlighten those who do good and understand that every tries to their best and you can't just say something like that in a way that makes axiomatic because its not. You have to have deeper understanding then this. Stop blaming others and look at what you can do to improve your life and the life around you, stop staying in negativity
People who end up in situations where a cop has to follow orders to detain them should take accountability for why they are in that situation in the first place.
I always find it entertaining when Lex asks someone to "steel man" their opponent, and they say "Sure, so ... [he or she begins to restate their own argument]."
Snowden was the real ‘patriot’. He was helping protect the privacy and security of the people of his nation when the government he worked for had lost its moral compass.
Mass surveillance is a good thing. And people talk about "invasion of privacy" yet mass surveillance is so under the radar that people don’t even realize they are being watched and thus it doesn’t even get in the way of their every day lives so it’s not really invasive in any way
@@Mster_J that’s the most psychotic thing I’m going to hear today. If I’m staring through your window all day, watching you, is it ok because you don’t know it?
He did good for public but I'm not quite sure the initial motive was that. I think they stepped on his foot, it happens, then he wanted to show who's really the boss, which he did. The other side of course will never come out with a story of things that was never meant to be told, obviously they all dealing with dirt, we know that and I'm pretty sure snowden knew it right from the beginning.
When the market was up, one could go through listings and make better informed purchases. Competition between sellers kept product cleaner and reasonably priced. Bad batches of product could be more easily accounted for and disreputable sellers could be suppressed. It was far from a perfect system, but was ironically much better for safe drug use.
@@Sam_Bent as a tip to anyone considering this route (which you definitely should never ever consider because drugz bad), don't pick a totally new vendor, but don't pick the one with thousands of reviews either. The new ones are a gamble because there aren't enough reviews. The old ones can be a gamble because they don't have such strong incentives to earn their place in the market through high quality goods anymore.
@@Sam_Bent Thanks for clarifying. I haven't kept up with it for a while. Lots of markets, but I feel they come and go quicker than the silk road managed to stay up. I meant the market as silk road specifically. There's so much I can't keep up with things now.
Lex asking Tarbell if it was safe for him to bring on a wanted cyber criminal is like the farmer asking the wolf if it's safe for the sheep to graze there. :)
he was safer with the criminal (brett johnson) than he was with this FBI agent.... notice, Chris talks tough against child predators yet 3pstein & Maxwell were conveniently *not* mentioned throughout this entire 3 hour conversation despite the dozens of eyewitness reports made to FBI from 1992-2018
Lex... Kathleen here...I want to say you are an excellent interviewer. I find your show very interesting. You obviously care deeply. All I recommend to watch our show are of the same opinion. Keep throwing in your efforts with Joe and Elon the world depends on your fresh efforts.
I enjoyed the podcast immensely and thanks to Chris Tarbell for participating. I just find it bizarre that the justification for invasion of privacy is "well Big Tech does it, soooo"
@@WetBoy I think both things are true. I also think that we surrender our privacy to companies every day without a second thought, but when the government does it in the name of national security everyone is up in arms. You want a climb up my ass with an electron microscope? If it prevents another 9/11 you feel free.
Big tech sells it. Biggest buyer the us government or data mines that sell it to the us gov. Also, not a big government guy but if you felt that private companies selling private info is the real problem then why is government not stepping in to protect that? It’s a self filling prophecy. Idk if I’m making sense but fuck why do we try to think individuals have any rights it’s companies and government that own them and they will never give them back or try to protect us.
@@AndyMacaskill Lex Fridman is the softcore porn of long form podcasts The whole time, you just wish he'd go harder faster, but he holds back like a cock tease
Lex, thank you for your work. I really enjoy your podcast, the interviews and the way you’re doing them. I really believe you're a kind soul and your channel which I recently discovered, is one of the best on youtube. I'm really happy that I discovered you and just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate the work you do. Please keep up the good work and keep spreading love. It's what we need, more than ever in this world and you're contributing a great deal to it. All my best to you.
Federal agents should be required to read Crime and Punishment, and write an essay proving that they understand it to a moderately sufficient degree...
Chris-"I'm not big government type..." Also chris one minute before hand-"There are rules to whistle blowing...And Snowden is a bad guy" Ok there Mr. FBI. MCAA
I'm anti FBI, former NSA, and I'm going to tell you point blank what Snowden did was not done right. He put lives at risk, instead of his own. He's no hero. I'm glad it all came out, but not how it was done. There are ways to turn in the officers you're working for, and that wasn't done.
y’all didn’t actually research’s nothing about Snowden. He leaked countless documents on American citizens and military docs that had nothing to do with illegal or even privacy violations. Also why did he never go through proper channels that are made to hold people accountable. Why did he try to sell the data to the Chinese first?
@@merchant_of_kek5697 cause you talk to him on the daily right? Proper channels?? You- "Yes government, please investigate yourself because you are violating the Constitution." Government- " we have investigated ourselves and found we did nothing unconstitutional." You- "See, he is the bad guy, government told me." MCAA
The Silk Road was an incredible time and place when it and BTC hit around the same time. What Ross achieved was incredible. The forum postings back then all suspected that there was a Honeypot, some CIA/DEA accounts were even outed during that run and extremely publicly I might add. But what was so incredible, and what likely scared the shit out of the Government was the “idea” that many Libertarian, like minded people could come together, and establish a trust with virtual currency, around a game that in the real world most time has zero ethics. The escrow system they had, and the actual trust between buyer/seller looking back, should have never worked. No fake drugs were sold, Fentanyl hadn’t hit yet, but everyone there took extreme pride in their product, and how quickly & discreetly they could ship things to you. Yes there were a few major cases where sellers took a few hundred/thousand BTC(which brought about the escrow system) but overall everyone worked extremely hard to protect the idea of what Silk Road was. Some of the old threads on how things like Insulin/Blood Pressure Meds/ HIV-HGH Meds….. and how folks legit saved their lives through the global access is just incredible. A true moment in time. I hope we see a Ross pardon at some point down the line, which may be possible in the next 20 Years once these fucking Baby Boomers finally die off. I’m thankful I got to see SR/Crypto in action in its purest form. That was Crypto in its finest hour, those who were there know exactly what I mean.
This guy: “We can’t let people communicate and trade freely without government surveillance. We must monitor everything you buy and who you talk to and what you say.”
Great interview. That being said, the sooner we stop allocating resources to stopping people from taking substances, the better. People should get to make that decision for themselves.
The number of times he says “I’m honest and transparent” makes it exceptionally clear this “former fbi agent” is not honest and transparent. Lex illuminating these glow boys
Lex, you speak of your heroes often and I appreciate that. I've had many heroes in my lifetime, but after discovering your podcast a few months ago, you have become my greatest hero. Thank you for everything you represent. You're an inspiration to many. Cheers!
Each time you have these deep talks with all different walks of life.... It leaves me wanted to be better, closer and more loving to those around me. You are an amazing person lex. Thank you for your contributions
It just leave me with more questions. Why is this young guy in a suit mentally capable of manhandling this federal agent that was trained how to psychologically manipulate people but has no real idea why.
It would be so fun to actually sit down and talk to Lex. What a cool guy. Just a regular dude that just so happens to be a literal genius. It would be fun. Smart people with humility are rare.
@T11 I find it funny. All you internet tuff guys. You say things that would get you a beat down if it was said in person. Good thing you can hide in Mommy's basment. 🙃
Lex, I have experience what you are speaking about at 1:33:00. You are one of my favorite people on this planet due to the fact that you approach things with an open heart, open mind and intense skepticism and curiosity. Don’t ever let other people’s ignorance and hate influence you in a negative way. The conversations and dialogue you facilitate are immeasurable in their value to the human species. You actually remind me of myself in a lot of ways and it gives me hope for my future and the future of the world. Love ya man!!
2:40:12 - As a IT recruiter with years of experience, Chris nails this one. It is insane how companies always want new talent but won't hire someone without experience in every imaginable area. Companies too often focus on a list of skills rather than finding a person that can make their company better with some time and investment.
This is why REAL startups are great. They will often roll the dice on people, you often have the chance to make a REAL difference inside of them, and its usually a true meritocracy. In the beginning at least. Hahaha
@@MRBOOCH526 when an expert literally said the same thing... It sounds more like there is demand for it that isn't being fulfilled not participation award esk
EXACTLY. I’m an engineer and knee so many brilliant engineering students who could never get a job because they’ll only hire people for experience… for entry level jobs and internships. So the geniuses and hard workers wouldn’t necessarily be the ones getting the positions. It would be the engineers who had friends or family with connections.. definitely not the most talented engineers either
"I put My hand on his chest as a gesture of being a real human" also the same guy who got him TWO LIFES SENTENCES. This guys is everything but a human.
He is just an agent doing his job and trying to solve a case that his team was tasked with. The people that got him two life sentences was the DA and the American criminal justice system
Recently discovered your podcast after seeing your name all over the place for the past few weeks. I've watched several of your episodes now and I have to say, I appreciate your personality and they way you move calmly and naturally through your topics. Great interviewer, I look forward to learning more about your background and what has contributed to your success here. Great job
@@Adam-fj7bz In the eyes of the US government DPR is worse. He went outside the system and created a separate economy. El Chapo was arguably a necessary evil, doing seedy work but still within the system. His arrest has destabilized the cartel hierarchy and made Mexico more dangerous. Willing to bet there are some regrets here about that.
Lex I just watched this conversation on Spotify. I had to leave a comment. You are are great man Lex. You are the definition of 'Loving with Strength ' .
Lex is quickly becoming my favorite...entity in existence. The depth of thought and curiosity...makes me curious and thoughtful. You're the man Lex, it's always awesome 😎
Yeah. Whether or not I agree with Lex's positions on certain topics at any time, I never doubt that he is honestly seeking to understand, and sharing that journey.
One of the huge qualities I love about your videos other than its content and quality: is the fact I can go to any part of the video due to the good job chaptering the videos.
I lost my dad a just over a year ago.. The Dad part hurts. I found out their are two types of men. Men with fathers and men with fathers that have passed away. When our father is gone it feels, not like the audience is missing a member, but the whole audience is gone. I've never felt so alone and isolated from a world that doesn’t seem to understand. For what its worth. I'm proud of you Chris. I know your fathers spirit is proud even if he can't tell you. And to your kids your the best Dad they will ever have! Thank you for your story. Love the Channel Lex
I lost mine when I was 18... 20 years ago. I hate to tell you this, but it doesn't get much easier. It's like as my life progresses, I'm reminded over and over that I can't share it with my father. And you're 100% right about two types of men. That said, nothing... NOTHING will launch you into maturity as quickly as loosing your father. And in a way, that can be asset that other's your age don't have.
Condolences for your loss, but you missed a category of men. The bastards. My neighborhood was nothing but latch key kids, exhausted mothers who didn’t have the energy to run around the neighborhood trying to keep their kids out of trouble, or didn’t work at all but were too pilled up to provide effective parenting, and very few fathers in sight. Our mothers were part of the second wave feminism movement in a time of free love and counter-culture drug use. Combine that with the post war family dynamic where the homemaker wife was quickly becoming a thing of the past and divorce was beginning to be seen less as taboo and more as liberating. The luxury of living in a newly emerged world super power free of soul-crushing poverty, threats of famine, and a society ruled by a government that wasn’t killing people in the streets for expressing controversial ideas, the rejection of belief in a higher power, along with so many other factors resulted in what I and so many others born around the same time to be part of generation bastard. As a kid, life was mostly wonderful. Home life was not wonderful, but the freedom we had running around certainly was. In retrospect, I see how detrimental it was for all of us, not having positive male figures to instill discipline and responsibility, provide proper guidance, teach us how to change tires/oil, teach us how to maintain composure when dealing with confrontation rather than lashing out and fighting because we equated physical dominance to being real men…I do good with hood shit. I know how to operate in situations with sketchy figures. That environment feels much more comfortable than meetings at work with leadership because I lack that confidence. STILL. Though I have a good reputation at work, I feel like I’m just lucky to be there, so I don’t assert myself as much as others. I am 42 and I still feel this shit. And I’ve only recently began to connect these dots. With that said, I did have my grandfather who I would see every few months. When I got in trouble, my mother would send me to his place and he was…IS a man of character, integrity and honor and I take many of his lessons with me in life. I always count that blessing. It was more than most of my friends had. Anyway, this diatribe is only to say, despite the pain you must have in losing your father, if he was a good father and took time to prepare you for life, then you are lucky. Never knowing my father made it easy to not care about him not being there. But now, I am resentful. I hope I’ve been a good father to my son. I’ve tried to teach him how to be a good man. God bless.
@@gliza “For a man whose father was distant or absent, this loss of audience was felt long before his father’s death as he struggled in vain to earn his father’s approval. Now at his death the loss is doubled as the son realizes he can never gain the approval he craved when his father was alive.” You correct some people are lucky. Some people get a “easier start”. Growing up with out a Dad must have been harder then anything I can comprehend. To be a man to stand up against this world alone and never have a dad around from the time of being a kids. Takes a man stronger then I may ever be. The moment I lost my father something broke inside of me I know will never heal. To feel that way from such a young age, I can only attempt to comprehend how hard that was. I’ve spent the last year trying to learn about and understand what it does to a man to loose his father. Connecting the dots has helped me more then anything. (Why I do the things I do. Why I feel the way I do.) It’s hard to focus on the pain to dive into that dark place and understand it. But once the dots are connected and you understand it. It’s easier to live. I have a son. To be honest that’s the only thing that keeps me moving. My dad wasn’t perfect. I don’t think he knew how to be a dad because of his relationship with his father. But my dad who gave me my blood. No matter what he did. It’s just engraved into a son that a father is the most important thing around. As long you live and no matter how ungrateful your son may be you are around sometimes. You are the most important thing that will ever be. Sadly no son knows that till their father is gone. It’s impossible for him to understand how important you are to him as long as you live. But it’s absolute. Most men’s goal is to give their kids a better life. And just being there for you son you’ve accomplished a goal. Since my Dad died I’ve only survived not thrived. I worked for myself but I closed my shop I owned. But as I learn / connect my dots. I feel closer to reopening my business. The next opportunity to a better job. I wish you would take it. Your pain holds you back. But your worth it. Your the most important thing a son will ever have, again, whether both of you realize it now or not. It’s absolute and can not change no matter what happens. It’s engraved in us. Between a father and a son.
