This is a movie that is so disinterested in developing its characters that the villain's name is never once said on screen. They never say his name in the movie! Cassie finds that photo that has "Ezekiel Sims" written on the back of it, but that's well over an hour into the movie. So unless you missed that line in the trailer or haven't fallen asleep by that point, you're gonna be completely lost as to who this guy is.
"With great responsibility, great power will come." A room full of Hollywood executives were so enamoured with the original Spiderman, that they switched up a famous quote, and hoped that nobody would notice.
And they made it sound so clunky, too. It doesn't flow better than the actual quote. Also, if Uncle Ben is predetermined to use this quote to Peter (with the words obviously switched around), how would he know it? Did Cassandra tell him at some point?
That line hurts my brain. First, that's not how it works. If you have no power, but someone gives you great responsibility, there's not much you can do about it. You just become a fall guy, a patsy, bus fodder. However, if you are given great power, you have the great responsibility to use it wisely.
Kind of reminds me of when Hbomberguy makes fun of plagiarists. They try to reword other people's sentences but do it so badly it ends up being complete nonsense.
The fact they neither did just not specify what the disease Cassie was suffering from, nor didn't just make up some bad disease, but specifically chose a disease that is temporary for a newborn is just absolute hilarity to me.
@@jbvader721 Sadly, any Hollywood-approved AI script writer would also likely be trained using scripts like this with the goal of creating scripts like this. I'd be curious how close the final movie matched the final script anyway, much less the script they had available at the start of filming...
I agree, possibly, the Filmmakers were not aware of the amazing potential, but they still had time for American Idol, Martha Stewart, Britney Spears and Beyoncé references.
Funny thing about that…. I’m guessing the marketing team realized that overlook as well and actually got Raven-Symoné for an Instagram Ad alongside the Non-Dakota Johnson female leads. No, I’m not kidding.
8:15 You DO look good for your age! I think it's the fact that you and I don't go outside much. The sun ages you. Finally, a reason to justify being a shut-in!
A movie nobody asked for let alone for a character people barely remember. I remember her from the 90's Spider-Man animated series but she was an old lady helping Peter Parker travel to different realities to look for Mary Jane.
21:02 I also wish I had an answer for that, because their career is so bonkers that they must have some very powerful godfathers to keep them working in Hollywood: according to iMDB, Matt Sazama's first credits include being a production assistant in "The Master of Disguise" and "The Santa Clause 3" (talk about a bad start), then out of nowhere in 2008 Sony hired him and Burk Sharpless (who had NO credits until that point) to write a script for a Flash Gordon movie by Breck Eisner (the director of the 2005 mess "Sahara"), which ended up never being made. They then proceeded to get hired by big studios for a series of cancelled projects, including an adaptation by 20th Century Fox of the Atari game Missile Command and a new "Clue" movie to be directed by none other than Gore Verbinski, before finally getting a finished project with "Dracula Untold". So basically their entire career is comprised of unfinished films and box office disappointments, and I can't see producers still hiring them for anything if it isn't by either favor or threat.
Sean looked into the future and saw that Madame Webb won Worst Picture at the Razzies. Naturally, he had to feature it on Cinematic Excrement to get it out of the way.
Madame Web wished us an early Halloween as the words of ISB supervisor Blevin ranged out in all our minds "It took the combined ingredients of idiocy, ineptitude, and total disengagement for this farce to have reached the full apex of incredulous disaster." 5:20 Well, WHEN Peter gets the Spider-bite does tend to vary and it has been when he was in each year of high school at least once, but originally, and more often than not it happens when he's in his freshman year. 17:06 Originally Uncle Ben didn't say that line, it was just said by a caption in Amazing Fantasy #15 and Peter coined it. Ben didn't say that line until Spider-Man The Animated Series. 19:54 They made Shazam! Fury of The Gods Skittles advertisement proud. 24:48 I love how Into the Spider-Verse and the superhero movie's joke versions of the line are much better than the one in this.
Dakota Johnson regrets starring in the film and didn't know what the hell was going on with the script as it was constantly being rewritten several times during filming and said that Madame Web made no sense being part of the Spider Man Universe.
As far as I recall, she was duped into thinking it was sort of the MCU. Granted, she could have done more research, but you do also expect studios this big and famous to not lie to their actors faces.
When you turned around to put your head down on the shelf, I thought, "Oh my god, a movie finally broke him. After a decade and a half of the shittiest movies on Earth, he's finally snapped." Makes sense that it was this movie that did it.
The same people who were bored by Halle Berry in skin tight leather back in Catwoman. Unfortunately, I don't think we'll get the benefit of a funny line in The Hangover this time.
My young nephew had a birthday recently. He gave me a "gift" as I was leaving; a couple of leaves from his yard. I took them, thanked him, and threw them away once I got out of sight. It's NOT THAT DIFFICULT, Madame Webb.
Adam Scott and Celeste O'Connor seemed to be the only performers who were giving the project their all, and not phoning it in. Also, I would have rather seen a film about the three Spiderwomen becoming the heroes they were destined to be.
I'm completely convinced that this movie is actually an ashcan movie, in that Sony wanted to retain the rights to as many Spider-Man side characters as possible and was willing to chuck out any old thing just to retain them. I call it my "Elektra theory", since I thought the same about that movie in regards to the Daredevil characters.
It's well known that Sony only keeps the Spiderman rights if they keep making films so it is quite openly 'ashcan' [like the 2015 Fantastic Four film].
@@jamesatkinsonja Which didn't work anyway, since eventually Disney straight-up BOUGHT Fox, and now Marvel has the movie rights to the Fantastic 4, the X-Men, and all supporting characters back.
Never before in my 40 year long history as a Spider-Man fan have I WANTED to see Uncle Ben die. And that includes the story arc involving the Uncle Ben from another dimension with was a slimey conman.
Okay, if you had gotten a VPN sponsorship, that bit about the NSA surveillance would have been the PERFECT segway. "And somehow the NSA can do all this, but it can't detect your location when you use today's sponsorship, NordVPN!"
What’s crazy is despite not having you know who in it, this actually could’ve been a good film! Very lazy writing and I don’t fault the acting cast for phoning it in considering that they were allegedly lied to about this film being an MCU property when it wasn’t.
@@InKY09Better question. Did their parents just say 'Sure knock yourself out.'?I mean yes see their neglectful but are we to assume they were so disinterested that when a blind woman came to adopt them they simply said 'Whatever.'?Also does she really need to adopt them?They're implied to be late teens I guess they'll be legally adults in a year or two anyway. They were already hanging out so was the paperwork needed in the first place?Seems like a huge hassle for what exactly?In the movie they're treated like they're 8-9 and living on the street or something instead of 16/17 and with homes.
this movie pissed me off because of them turning Ezekiel into a villain. he was created by j michael straczynski, one of the greatest sci-fi writers ever. (he wrote several eps of the real ghostbusters and the creator/director of the space opera series "babylon 5") JMS wrote for a time on spiderman during the early 2000s. a run in which it tried to give a more mystical vibe to spiderman and his powers. ezekiel was a old man who gained spider powers similar to peter's and acted as a mentor to him, preparing him for a great threat to his life. this leads to the introductions of my favorite spiderman villain of all time, morlun. it's an epic story and i can't do it justice. needless to say, i hated what they did with him in this movie and i'm glad it bombed.
@maxacorn It's a shame his Spider-Man run got derailed by Joe Quesada's meddling, with JMS being forced to Write 'One More Day' (just so Peter could date a new love interest based on Quesada's daughter).
Welcome to how I felt about Carnage in the second Venom movie. The point of the character was that the symbiote connected to someone who was mentally unstable. Sure, Eddie Brock wanted revenge on Peter, but he was never an awful human being, unlike Cletus Kasady.
I'm shocked this movie did worse than a movie where the actor's reputation was in the toilet thanks to his previous role in a comic book movie painting him as a douche using method acting as an excuse to sexually harass his fellow cast members without repercussion. Maybe Sony internalised all the backlash against Morbius clearly trying to scam casual viewers with false promises of the Vulture playing a significant role and so cut out anything even remotely related to the MCU, hence why this film is such a mess.
I doubt it. The fact that they re-released Morbius in theathers, because of Internet memes, clearly shows they lack any self-awareness. They could not have done something this mediocre on purpose.
21:02-21:20 I’m convinced at this point that Sazama and Sharpless have a writing style that’s better suited for television since a recurring problem is juggling too much in a short movies length time make it all make sense (while feeling like they take in too many studio notes) as their best work by a country mile is the Lost in Space Netflix reboot which they made as showrunners and while it isn’t the great show ever it does have some genuinely good moments and works really well as a reimagining (even better than the 1998 movie).
Imagine owning the film rights to the freaking Spiderverse, but instead of giving Spider-Man 2099, Spider-Gwen or any other Webhead, we got Madame Web and the Villains being anti-heroes.
To be fair, Sony is working on an animated Spider-Gwen spinoff movie. At least, that's what they said after the first Spider-Verse was released, and some time when the second came out.
@@bigbearkat2010 I'm also pissed at how long Beyond is taking, but considering how badly the animators were treated on Across, I think there would have been mass suicides if they had been told to make two movies at once.
@@coolnerdlll6053 that's kind of my point. This problem wouldn't be so noticeable if Sony didn't make the decision of doing this two-part BS. Spider-Verse is the one thing they've done right with this property without Feige and they're still alienating the people that made it possible.
The best thing to come out of this movie was Cosmonaut Variety Hour calling Dakota Johnson a, and I quote, "terminally offline, crystal loving yakubian". I'm not even joking.
Good job as always with this review, Sean. You should review The Garbage Pail Kids Movie, Borderlands (2024), My Super Ex-Girlfriend, The Skeleton Key 2: 667 Neighbor of the Beast, The Summer of Massacre (2006), Hot Rod Horror (2008), and Tower of Blood (2005), which was directed by Corbin Timbrook.
I actually loved the movie, but only for the presence of Sydney Sweeney and Isabela Merced. Also, Sydney Sweeney said that she only starred in this movie so that her younger relatives could watch her in something where she didn’t have to do any nude scenes.
I still don't understand Sony's weird fascination with making films about Spider-Man's supporting characters. I get that it means they get to keep the rights, but a Madame Web movie? Morbius?? Say what you will about the Venom movies. At least he's a popular character.
@@eamonndeane587 An R-rated Kraven solo film at that. If you wanted to make a movie about one of Spider-Man's villains that's gory and violent, *CARNAGE WAS RIGHT THERE!!*
1:15 I do think that's why you have to be careful with writing credits and assigning praise/blame, especially when many writers are credited [or script doctors are involved] as scripts change all the time during filming [hence why they have different coloured paged to signify what draft there using]. For example the credited writers of 'Last Action hero' have said that little of there work is actually in the film as many people [including famous script doctor Carrie Fisher and director John McTiernan] took over the script after they were fired.
Let's play a game called "Spider-Man films that are much better ideas than Sony's Spider Universe without Spider-Man." How about I start you all off with all of the ideas that I and anyone else can come up with purely by reciting the ideas that are off the top of anyone's head: Sam Raimi's Spider-Man 4, TASM 3, a Spider-Verse spin-off about any character in those movies especially Peter B. Parker since I'm a big fan of pretty much every version, and the idea of Spider-Dad, I'll make Spider-Man/Peter Parker win a victory over his true arch-nemesis: Marvel Editorial, and Jake Johnson's Peter B. Parker is my favorite character in those films, a film continuation of Spider-Man The Animated Series, Spider-Man The New Animated Series, or the Spectacular Spider-Man (because sadly the rule is that whenever you make one of the best Spider-Man shows it can't get a proper conclusion), Mr. Ditkovich the movie, Silk, Spider-Boy, Spider-Gwen, Agent/Anti-Venom (whether it be Eddie Brock or Flash Thompson), Mayday Parker/Spider-Girl (or any of Peter and MJ's other children in the comics), Ben Reilly, Kaine, Spider-Man Noir, Spider-UK, Spider-Punk, Spider-Ham, Peni Parker, Spider-Man J, Spider-B*tch, and Spider-Man 2099. If any of these ideas are your favorites or you have any more ideas please reply.
I know it has it's fans but given what a mess 'Amazing 2' was I didn't have much faith in Amazing 3 being any good [tellingly they were talking about 'undoing' Gwen Stacy's death as they realised what a bad move that was] but it probably wouldn't be 'Moribus' level bad.
@@jamesatkinsonja If I had a nickel every time the Sony Spider-Man universe without Spider-Man made The Amazing Spider-Man 2 look like a masterpiece I'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot but it's weird it happened twice. On a more serious note, in The Amazing Spider-Man 2, you can tell all of the actors are giving it their all, the effects (except for The Green Goblin and Electro's design) look good (especially the Spider-Man suit which is the best it's ever looked in live-action), the action had some cool moments, the score was good (and they didn't steal it form the PS4 game like Madame Web did), it could occasionally be funny, and it had some good scenes like the Death of Gwen Stacy, the montage afterward, and Spider-Man/Peter Parker's interactions with the child he meets (and those scenes has more heart, emotion, and depth than the entire Sony Spider-Man universe without Spider-Man, despite not being in a good movie). Morbius and Madame Web have none of that. Not trying to say that TASM 2 was a good (or even okay) movie but I'd rather watch it a hundred times than watch either Madame Web or Morbius once.
The one thing I love about this movie is that they hired three girls old enough to get into a bar and then spent an entire movie gaslighting us into thinking they’re supposed to be, like, 13. I can force myself to ignore that the villain is entirely ADR, I can get over the weird nonsensical spider people bullcrap, but that’s where I draw the line.
You know your movie is bad when Smeghead ends up doing more research on real life diseases than you do. This movie would have been better off just making up a disease and saying Cassie had that.
YAY! A new Cinematic Excrement! 1:41 It sounded TOO interesting! 5:23 Too soon! 9:37 Might as well have SOME fun with this dreck! 10:25 And we wonder how SONY got its stuff leaked all those years ago. Not being a regular reader of Spider-Man comic books anymore, has Madame Web or any of those Spider-Women who aren't Jessica Drew done anything AMazing or Spectacular in recent years to warrant them getting a movie?
i never saw this film, but when the first trailer hit and later on, when the film's reviews came out, i've immediately purchased 'Marvel-Verse: Spider-Man & Madame Web' comic afterwards. 'Marvel-Verse: Spider-Man & Madame Web' contains Madame Web's debut issue TASM # 210 and two awesome spider-man/juggernaut stories, TASM # 229-230. besides, the late Stan Lee's wife, the late Joan B. Lee (90s Spider-Man cartoon series), is the best Madame Web ever. followed with cree summer (Ultimate Spider-Man tv show), rachel dratch (Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse) and susanne blakeslee (Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions).
I think you just reviewed what is going to be Razzie's Worst Picture. Edit: I think it's funny that Pespi-Cola is branded on a Columbia Pictures film, when Coca-Cola used to ACTUALLY own Columbia Pictures in the early 80's.
There have been a lot of Surf Dracula movies in the last few years, but ends just with Dracula intended to get a surfboard. We never even actually see him have it outside a dream sequence, much less actually surf.
also, the reason why zeke didn't wear shoes in that comic page was because he kept losing his shoes when he jumped around. in that same issues, he would try to put on his shoes but they just kept flying off. in his regular attire, he wore shoes. he was a millionaire business after all.
@@coolnerdlll6053 True but I know a lot of the fans for the first movie were looking forward to Joker 2. I also don't expect the Kraven movie to do well either financially or critically.
they find a tree in the middle of the Amazon, super easily. As if the Amazon were the size of any park and it's super easy to find a tree among millions of other trees.
@@jbvader721 I can at least understand why she convinced to do Fifty Shades. Fifty Shades bad as it is, still had some pretty big brand recognition and she was a largely unknown actress at the time
@@jbvader721 I'd literally never heard of her before she got cast. Nepo babies still need to have the audience respect or at least give a shit about them.
@@bigbearkat2010 And whatever people think of those films they were big hits and boosted Johnson and Jamie Dornan profile-while this was a flop and Johnson publicly trashing it showed she needed to move on from it very quickly.
I feel bad for Dakota Johnson. She really is a good actor, but she keeps getting cast in crap. Or, as is the case here, in movies that have potential, only for that potential to be wasted.
I just saw Venom Last Dance - AND YOU ARE SO RIGHT!!!!!! Did Sony find out that Joker 2 was a musical and went "Then they'll want to see full musical numbers in our movie, too!!!!!!"
SJ Clarkson was hired to direct the sequel to 'Star Trek Beyond' which [like all the other attempts] failed to get off the ground. She also directed a 'Games of Thrones' spin off pilot with Naomi Watts [supposedly entitled 'Blood Moon'] which wasn't commissioned or aired.
Dear Sean, don’t know if you’re aware that, while Sony’s been hit or miss with it’s output, they nailed the streaming strategy: instead of spending a gazillion dollars making ‘Sony+’, they just sell their products to the highest bidder, no extra cost, all profit.
I dunno if I can really comment on this movie, considering I’ve not seen it, will not seen it, and my only exposure to it is thru reviews like this . . . But this flick looks like a movie that has contempt for life itself 😮
