This is what happens when you over protect and smother your children. They'll end up resenting you. I've seen it so many times. It's a very sick and dysfunctional kind of love.
The worst thing to happen to a child is to have helicopter parents. You have no privacy, no self-determination, you must carry their guilt, their aspirations, their insecurities, basically life becomes hell and you cannot complain because 'parents'. By the time you learn to stand up to yourself, usually the damage is permanent.
Obito Uchiha The problem is that these parents won’t be around for their daughter’s whole life. The job of a parent is to prepare their child to be able to go on independently after the parents die. That’s the point of going away to college. It’s to let the child learn the skills of independent living. These parents are failing their daughter.
QuadrantBottomHalf thank u i request a life insurance policy to escape the Geiger family know why 1976 they act like they dont know i did a backround check and my last name is tied to there crimes where is my life insurance policy
So the parents call her "an only child that has been catered to all her life." Well who's fault would that be? So they objecting to her wanting to keep her distance from them? Wouldn't that be the best thing for her if that were true?
that's obsessive caretaking for ya. they twist and distort everything in an attempt to convince others, the victim and even themselves that they are in the right and just doing what's best for their child. this way they can forever stay in denial that they are doing it only to appease and emotionally satisfy THEMSELVES (specially the mother, which seems to be the more obsessive of the two).
Exactly @rendarsmith they’re saying her problem is that they’ve always supported her. Now they’re mad she doesn’t want that support. So they’re asking for their money back. SMH
my russian grandmother still treates me like a little child I devised a plan to run away from her to the International Criminal Court why do I want that job? because I promised Sabina CarlsoN i put oma ral bashir in prison for the darfur genocide and that requires going to the International Criminal Court Moving to my own place in teh Hague i blocked my grandmother
Actually I'm considering of putting my Dad in one too. I don't want to be held back by my possessive homophobe and antiquated Dad. I want to live my life as an adult.
The fact that the school itself gave her a full scholarship once her parents cut her off goes to show that she's not just being petty here. I had the opposite -- anti-helicopter parents, who I couldn't even get to come to my championship final basketball game or recitals where I won - things like that. I would have given anything for them to show some interest in my life back then, but this? No thanks. It's unfortunate she had to get a restraining order, but dang - I don't blame her a bit.
Squiffy Mine we're moderate. They gave me plenty of freedom from going to the store by myself to riding my bike to school. But they do have their limits.
I had the same type of parents. I was the only student with a solo at the school music concert, and they didn't attend. They dropped me off and picked me up afterward. On the other hand they trusted me to be outside alone, walk around the town alone, etc.
You're lucky dude. I have a friend who's parents are laid back and I wish mine were the same. *Are you back at 10pm? That's fine. Are your grades not straight As? That's fine.* Mine are constantly on my case and want me to do well in school but what they don't realise is that I'm not happy with my life anymore. They recently took away and sold my PS4 (the only thing which let me escape) simply because I didn't hand in a homework (I was out all weekend with friends). I don't know what to do anymore.
Why? She used the money for its intended purpose. If their support is contingent upon being able to control her, they're nuts. She doesn't owe them a penny.
You know the solution to that right? REFUSE THEIR MONEY. Kids are not entitled to their Parents Money. If you want your Parents to treat you like an Adult. Pay your own eay
Can I please do this when I'm in college? My god I have no privacy, no independent decisions and practically no life! They know all my passwords, even to my most private accounts, read my text messages behind my back, and either make or cancel my own social plans. They say they own me and my mom tracks me on my cellphone. Like hell, we live in the safest neighborhoods and I'm not even allowed to walk up the street by myself in broad daylight! I'm only a few years from turning eighteen, and they treat me like I'm ten! All I know is that once I turn eighteen, I'm packing for the farthest city possible, buying a one way ticket, and I'm out!
To be fair, once you do turn 18, they won't have the power to do most of those things. You won't be required to give them passwords, they won't be able to have your phone on a "child's account" to read your texts, and they can't force you to have a tracking app on your phone. though I do agree that getting distance between you is best once you turn 18, Remember the money aspect. You need a place to live, food, and a job. and if you plan on going out of state for college, you need hella scholarships, because out of state cost a lot more.
@@LexitaMai Late response, but I see this kind of comment a lot, and often with this type of parent it doesn't matter if they turn 18. Legally, yes, the kid is now an adult and doesn't have to be treated as a minor, but unless they have enough money to move out and live completely on their own when they turn 18, denying things from their parents might not work. There's always the option for them to kick you out to the streets if you don't cooperate with what they want you to do. If you're using a phone/computer they bought you, they may threaten to take those away. If you're using the electricity they pay for, they'll be sure to remind you. If it was a matter of age, there wouldn't be an issue with confronting these types of parents way before turning 18.
@@PinkyToeThief yes, but at that point it's a choice. You can choose to leave or choose to buy your own property, which isn't really an option if you're underaged. I'm over eighteen and still living with my parents basically as a dependent, but that's a choice. It's restricting to live under their rules, but it's also now my choice to stay here and live under such rules. The difference is there is a choice now. Maybe not the best choices, since many probably don't have much money at eighteen and would prefer not to resort to temporary housing. But it is definitely empowering to have a backup plan for if you want to and not have to risk being labeled as a "runaway"
Yep she should have taken those scholarships that was offered to her. Those parents used "we want you to go to the best school" as ploy to control her.
Overbearing ppl are worse than idiots. Even Idiots know that altering your loved ones basic needs such as having a social life causes severe damage and under development during Adulthood.
Honestly I’m glad she’s turned out so normal. A lot of people with helicopter parents end up seriously screwed up. Unable to do even the most basic things for themselves, go nuts at college and get themselves into big trouble, hating their parents’ guts, and all sorts of other issues. Good for her!
I am that child. They still stalk me, I’m 30 living on my own. They’ll come to my house and keep banging the door. Sometimes I’ve been in meetings when this happens ( I wfh). The embarrass me in front of anyone and everyone I know. The family WhatsApp group is all about me. My parents and my brother obsessing over a 30 year old adult who wants to have nothing to do with them. I suffered so much in life. My college life was a disaster. I took 7 years to complete college. My father used to come to my college everyday and hang out with my female friends. They took everything away from me, even filling a form was something that would cause extreme harassment at home. My dad insisted on filling every official form of mine, and even 25-26 I had to fight to be allowed to fill a form. To fill a form?! I struggle to do taxes, I struggle to do adult things. Im just slowly learning. I’ve moved out a year ago. But I keep getting passive aggressive WhatsApp messages, every single day. They show up unannounced to my home, and if I’m not entertaining it, they will send random relatives. It is hell. This life is hell. I don’t live in a country where I can put a restraining order on them. Once my parents called the cops because I wouldn’t let them in after a violent incident. The cops actually came, broke open my door and came and frisked me. To convince them, my parents had told them I had drugs. The cops, the neighbors barged in, as though I was a criminal. Obviously there was nothing, but I was humiliated, there was no apology. After all this, my mother messages me today how she loves me unconditionally. Im scared to get married, because I know they’ll humiliate me in front of my new family, tell them lies about me. Im scared . My life is about fear. How? How do I go on? How can I get rid of these energy leeches? It’s sucking away my life force.
@@msredcurtains Take legal action then, actually do something instead of just commenting on RU-vid about it. You can literal Google/youtube options for these kinds of things... If it's so bad then stand up for yourself
It is indeed a first world problem but this happens where your parents want you to feel like you are going to owe them for the rest of your life and there is nothing you can really do to repay them back, it is emotionally draining and not healthy for sure..
Lightfoot1990 In the 70's they never used the term helicopter parents but that sure fit my mom, if it means control freak. To get me to cut my hair each year and a perm put in so I could start school she would pay $100. They would tell everyone I was the apple of their eye, but I had to beg for anything and everything or permission to get or do anything. EVEN after I got a job and was able to pay for it I had to have permission first or all kinds of hell rained down on me. I went to a college where you worked for your tuition/room and board specifically so I would NOT have to be "beholding" to her anymore. On my graduation day at 17 I told her, congratulations, that's the last time you will ever hit me, because the next time i will destroy you. I cannot start to tell you the tricks and scams she pulled to get me to do things her way and i did them because I loved my dad and didn't want to hurt him. Yes I too am a music major and yes I have mental health issues from living in this dysfunctional family, and when I moved 1000 miles away to go to school she moved 65 miles away to keep tabs on me. So I totally identify with this girl. This is not uncommon, and it makes them feel important to be able to say "this is our child" and they use us as the extension of themselves because they never got to do what they wanted to with their lives so they damn well are gonna live it well thru ours. That's ok up thru high school, but then they need to cut the strings and these sick people take pride in their kids way too far.
It’s not a first world problem. China has had issues like this, from parents and children, ever since the one child policy was instituted. The parents create little emperors and the parents become control freaks
Not a first world problem. It's worse in 3rd world countries, because you do not have who to turn to. Justice system is a joke, they would laugh at you if you came with something like this. Therapists are overflowing with patients with heavy mental illnesses, and there is not enough of them. They hardly have time to deal with this. You just do not stand a chance, you can only accept that the things are as they are, and that you will be damaged. It is hell, trust me. Or, as my granny used to say - it's a punishment to live here like this.
unfortunately, this type of parenting never gets any better...I am 34 and have lived on my own for many years, have 2 children of my own and my mother is always stalking me on facebook and calling and texting me, telling me how I should raise my children. I've had to cut ties with her just to stay sane
Lets be real, to an extent. Kids dont owe their parents shit, the kids never asked to be born, A parent has to provide for that life until they can go off on their own
my dad is just as bad. i went to manhattan for a trip with my gf at the age of 19 and he refused to let me go. he said he wouldn't give me my passport (he locks it in the home safe). so i said if he didn't give it to me i'd call the cops. he found out which hotel i was staying at and when i arrived in NYC and finished dinner he was standing in the lobby waiting for us to come back. he had a huge smile on his face. i started screaming at him for being a stalker and the front desk threatened to throw me out if i didn't calm down. i didn't speak to him for a month and he cried in front of my mom. what a psycho. he also opens my mail and reads them
And parents wonder why their kids won't visit them in nursing homes or when the kids finally move out the kids want nothing to do with their parents. And parents threaten to cut their kids off if they don't do what they want fine, cut me off I didn't ask to be brought into this world but I'm here & you're trying to control every aspect of my life.
Their support should not be contingent upon being able to control every aspect of her life, and they need to stop living vicariously through their daughter.
Kudos to her college for stepping in & helping her out. It's stated that she's 'gifted' & it would've been a shame if she would have had to drop out. I hope those parents found some help for themselves. Can you imagine a parents calling their daughter those vile names? Good luck Aubrey! Break a leg!
I know i'm late but i'm gonna say it anyway. Absent parents are not better than this because of that i have lots of issues i basically have to raise myself and teach myself the most basic of things.. An example of this is that i regret not knowing to brushed my teeth earlier 🤦♂️
The same thing happened to me. But my school and the police took my parents side. I have now filed it with the Chicago PD. And this is many suicide attempts later and much therapy. It has been 27 years of hell for me. But now I realize (from stories like this) that they were the helicopter parents who used me as a pawn. My parents are still doing it to me. Thank you for this story because it gives me encouragement to fight my parents.
I feel her pain. Both of my parents are helicopter parents. My dad isn’t that bad but he checks my texts and search history sometimes but very rarely. He always allows me to go out. He just makes me tell him where I am going and how long I am going to be game and I am off. My mom however is a whole different story. She will not leave me alone at all. She makes me stay inside the house whenever she is at work and I can’t even step onto my front porch. And when she is home, she almost never lets me go out so she can keep an eye on me. I cannot even hangout with friends because she will be stalking me. One time I was hanging out with a friend at a park and she was right there just sitting there the whole time in her car, watching us and listening to our conversations. And I was hanging out with another friend in the neighborhood I recently moved to and out of no where she just drives down the street in her car to see what I am doing. My friend thought that was, and I told him it was my mom spying on us. Now if you think that’s bad, she recently bought AIRTAGS to put on my school bag, in my jacket, and on my electric scooter so she can see where I am at all times. I told her to put it somewhere where it would actually be useful, like on our kitten who can run away a lot instead of using it to spy on me. But she told me as long as I was in her house, I am never going to get privacy. Now I am saving up so I can free myself from this bs and move away as soon as I turn 18. Wish me luck
My grandmother is just as bad she invades my life controls every move I make She dosen't allow either me or my mom self determination SHE WANTS TO CONTROL EVERYTHING
hey roman soiko grandmother Your grandchild not a puppet and its 2019 it aint 1956 and children age into adults leave your grandchild alone you got no rights over your grandchild your not ur grandchild legal parent let his/her mother and father do that
My grandma just walks in my house and shows up unannounced but for some reason she decides to ask me about everything. It isnt bad just kinda annoying.
I went to college in the 1980s, before all this technology. I went through a similar experience as an only child attending college 500 miles from home. It was my mom, not my dad, that was monitoring me. I had to be in my dorm room at night when my mom called my room or call her as soon as I returned for the night if I missed her call. Otherwise, she would call the dorm supervisor, waking her up in the middle of the night. My mom said she was concerned that a Richard Speck type person might have killed me. When my parents drove me to college or came at term’s end to pick me up, my mom would question me about anyone she saw me talking to. It was very difficult being monitored like that. Best wishes to this young woman. I understand what she’s been experiencing.
I knew a kid in middle school nicknamed river he went with the flow. I once went home with him to hang out. And sweet corn on the cob. His parents has stopped his home development at 2. He only watched kids cartoons. They cut up his food and put his drink in a sippy cup he had to wear a bib. He was embarrassed. But like this was his life..., didn’t see his room. He later confessed to me that his bed still had railings. And a baby monitor. Outside of this hellhole he lived the dream life sports grades. Completely normal just not at home. River I hope we meet again you were chill. (we were both 10)
Why do so many parents today think this is okay? It’s not. Literally like 60% of my generation grew up with parents like this and now they can’t even do the basic things in life.. I feel like it’s irreversible too.
Seriously?! This poor girl is trying to further her education in something she loves doing but when parents try to control her life it’s like she doesn’t have one anymore and it’s not fair
My parents are similar but not as bad, they put a tracker on my phone (yes I’m an adult) but I managed to find a way to cheat the system with my phone ;) so they think they are tracking me but there not. Perks of having a friend who is doing a computer science major ;)
Well, it sounds like they asked for it back after she publicly humiliated them and filed a restraining order. If she doesn't want them in her life, why should they be responsible for her education? If she wants to be on her own--let her.
@@bigbay1159 Once abuse is part of the equation- game over it negates all. I don't know that much about this story but I think it says she's 21 during that time - abuse was attached to her situation so - parents lose.
Idk what's with "parents" and not letting their kid to grow up. I've been seeing more cases like this nowadays. The purpose of being a parent is too raise a kid to an adult so they can make it in life, not to try and make them stay a child or control their every single decision. You need let go at some point. She's 21 not 11! This shit is insane. Alot of "parents" know how to be a parent of a child but not of a adult nowadays and that's sad. Ask these "Parents" where the fuck they were at 21 then have them look at what they were doing. Weather you agree with her choices or not, weather you think what you are doing is right or not. It doesn't matter cause it's not up to you.
Trauma+ Trauma from having helicopter parents= burnout at 19 Trauma from having helicopter parents= burnout and anxiety at its piek at 20 If you are too critical and controlling of your child.. And get no contact from them.. Be thankful they are protecting themselves from suicide and depression
I knew a guy whose parents set up parental controls on his computer and even set a time limit, dictating how long he could spend online... This guy was a college student.
She probably wasn't doing any of the things they were accusing her of (being promiscuous, drinking a lot, party girl or whatever). But even if she was, it's HER life, and how she lives her life is HER business. Even the mistakes - they're hers to make freely. And they are free to not like it, but nothing beyond that. I wonder what their connection is like today, if there's one at all.
Anyone who’s had a helicopter parent can tell you - they literally accuse you of being a rebellious wild child if you do ANYTHING they don’t approve of. Even raising your voice a little bit or momentarily losing your temper. No matter how small the offense is, you’re suddenly a vicious rebel that needs to be straightened out immediately. And they never seem to realize maybe they’re the problem. Nope. They’ll find everything else to blame - your hobbies, your friends, etc. it’s always someone else’s fault.
This girl is my hero and this comment section restores a VERY SMALL fraction of my faith in humanity. I really thought it was gonna be a bunch of dumbasses calling the kid entitled or saying she didn't get spanked enough or... "if she was in a BLACK family..."
If you’re a parent who is picking up the tab for their child’s education, they have a legitimate right to make sure their money isn’t being wasted. However, it seems as though their daughter was doing very well at university, and still they insisted on intruding into her life. Their behavior, rather than being overly caring is more akin to treating her like a puppet whose strings they could control at will.
In this case, it is quite a prestigious school in which you have to have talent. The parents IMO went way over board. I see no problem with parents who are paying for schooling to see her transcripts, and to account for the money they send her. For her parents to monitor her computer and phone is just nuts. They even went so far as to watch her on Skype at night. That's creepy.
When you watch or demand your kid to keep Skype in to watch them at night yeah...that's just that's way over the top. And I mean the patented aren't even denial the things she said,
What? What parents would ask for the money back from their children’s education? A child’s education is a parents responsibility. It’s part of ensuring they’re ready for the real world. They were willing to pay it and had full intention of paying it until they weren’t allowed to stalk her anymore?
Many parents believe that education is only their responsibly up until high school. After their kid turns 18, most don't feel obligated to pay for schooling. While I agree that the way they acted was creepy as hell, and pulling money they had already given her was narcissistic and petty, they weren't necessarily obligated to pay it in the first place. My parents didn't pay for my college, and I've never questioned it or held it against them
my russian grandmother does this to me she doesn't think i am a capable competant adult who do the basic skillsof mylife and she provides invasive consultations and opinions
One of the other problems, though, in our society is that everyone is expected that their parents love and support them. I was so happy when my dad died because people kept telling me to call him and I kept trying to say, "I'm not going to and I don't want to argue about this with a stranger." My father also abused me and went behind my back telling people lies or stretched truths about me. For example, "she is mentally ill." I have ADHD! It's sort of not a lie, but he chose to say MI not adhd
when you're 18 years old, you have the ability to pack up and move, pay your own bills, and your parents can't do jackshit I moved from the east coast to colorado the day I turned 18, my dad was pissed, didnt understand called me names, told me my money for college was going to a different family member...12 years later, I have a 500,000 dollar a year business and he tells me how proud he is of me... Right...Thanks Dad, love you too.
If she is 21 years old then she is old enough to be by herself,parents had no authority to do this because it’s illegal to stalk someone.it’s not her parents’ job,it’s law enforcement’s job meaning law enforcement had a right to keep people and students safe from harm and bad people!her parents failed to notice they had no rights to have much more power against her will!her parents is liable for stalking her
People should talk more about this issue. It's abuse and for life scars. Unhappy childhood and teenhood, horrible to live. They don't see that child as human being. Abusing your own child, and think u do the best? Nobody knows what the best for child, parents plays GODS with their inner wounds of being "perfect". If u try to be perfect, that's the problem.
Exactly. People who haven’t experienced this don’t see it as a problem. All they see is loving and devoted parents being betrayed by their selfish and ungrateful child.
My father always tried to monitor my actions on my phone. That didn’t make me more noble when on the internet, it just made me use a partially broken and cracked iPhone he had forgotten about in secret. Being controlling never works. Whether they shut you out, or get driven to doing the same dangerous things you were attempting to protect them from, controlling your kids always results in a bad ending.
Imagine if she didn't get the restraining order and decided not to accept any money from her parents. Her parents would still give the woman no space and her only way out would be to go to a different school and change her contact information so her parents couldn't track her. Parents being controlling at the age of 18 is understandable, but all the way to 21? They would probably go as far as to try and control her life after college too if she didn't get the restraining order.
I was almost 30 and he admitted he had been doing this stuff to me and I didn't know. I moved 400 miles away and all these strangers sit there with, "I'm sure your parents miss you, call them." I would say mom is dead and they would say what about your dad call him and I would just say, I'm not going to. WTF was I supposed to do? If I lie I risk messing up my story and having people not trust me. If I tell they think I'm just spoiled....
good for her. its almost impossible to actually live your life with people constantly attempting to control or invade or meddle. i have parents like this and looking back cutting them out woulda been insanely beneficial. its sad. and setting boundries with these people is almost impossible.
I just turned 40. My father has shown major forewarning signs- that I may be stalked when I move afar. I'm sorry to hear this about your mother. You're not alone. There are those of us in our 30, 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond that are are still chained/entangled to a deranged parent(s).
Note: if monitoring software is on your computer, you MUST use a Linux or Windows install USB or DVD. Simply erase the contents of the hard drive while installing. You can put your autofill data on another USB but try to delete it once you log in. The DVD method shouldn't require admin either. A quick search should allow you to figure out how to access the bios to boot from it. If your hard drive is locked, it's usually easy to replace on laptops.
my mother is the same way and she's extremely abusive physically and mentally, screaming every day and very self obsessed and cruel, i have no idea what to do to be honest, i only came home so that i could get my spine surgery and battle for disability to go through and she promised she would not do any harm again but it gets worse and worse every day and i can't afford to move yet....cops get called by either her or myself frequently and no solution seems to be in sight. ive since put off my surgery so that i can try to save to move away. shes been diagnosed with personality disorders and refuses treatment and diagnosis...i feel trapped but am working from home to make moeny until i find a job i can perform with my spine injury in the mean time.
As a Mum, I would never think of being so intrusive into my only child's life. I think the cherry on top of their overly protective behaviour was when they put trackers on her computer and telling her to leave her Skype on all night so they could ensure she was sleeping.
Next thing I'm sure of is one or the other, her parents filing a federal lawsuit against her for filing what they think is a false and wrongful restraining order for no reason, or moving away to another city of another state far away from her and her childhood home, but either one is just my own personal opinion.
I have a beloved Aunt who had to run away from her mother at age 30. She was an abusive mother; My Aunt has a hysterectomy, I believe as a result of childhood trauma to body.
Her education and housing was being funded by her parents' dollar. So if she wants the freedom and privileges that come with being an adult, she has to stop being financially dependant on them.
my russian grandmother is the same thing She doesn't think i am a capable competant adult who can execute the most basic functions of independent adult life That's why she provides advice opinions consultations my three dreams in life ar eomar al bashir in prison for the darfur genocide starting my own human rights NGo in South Africa and moving there I taught myself ArabiC Chinese English French Russian Spanish portuguese Afrikaans XHosa and ZUlu
No kid should be watched. Try talking to them at any age and letting them feel safe to tell you anything. Too many people have no idea how to communicate with children let alone their own children
there really isn't any difference between 18 and 21. They are both legally adults, but here in the US the majority are more like high school kids. What responsibilities does the average 21 year old in the US have that a teenager doesn't have? Some work, few pay their own bills. Living at home and paying for your own clothes doesn't make you a grown up.
I get not letting your 10 year old play GTA, I’m not going to let him either, but when that boy is 21, they are an adult, the can do whatever the heck they want. You can’t control an adult, that’s just illegal.
Mike G yeah i agree i have a cousin going through that situation dude became an alcoholic and is Rebellious toward people he lacks social skills, and seem to have low tolerance towards frustration