i find it irritating when people question our life choices. as someone who has decided to be child-free, i also have my own reasons and of course it will be the opposite of people who want kids. but i don’t question them 🤷🏻♀️ i just think that people should mind their own business and respect each other’s life choices (as long as it’s not harming anyone). i love the hair and i love this vlog, it feels like i’m hanging out with you at your apartment.
The weird part, in my opinion, is when family asks "oh when are you gonna have kids!" I feel like it's such a personal and intimate decision, I think family should just be pleasantly surprised if anyone decides to have or announces they're having kids haha.
@@KelliMarissaVlogs that’s so true. every time i go see my mom, the only thing she would ask me is when will i get married and have kids because she can’t wait to have grandchildren. so ironic since my parents got divorced when i was 7 and my dad took care of us because she wanted to travel and be free. but now she wants grandchildren? lol.
@@KelliMarissaVlogs As soon as I started having migraine & sound was a trigger, I was like no, I cannot stand screaming children, I don’t mind other people having kids but if they start screaming, I’m off and remove myself from the sound.
It's bizarre to me that having kids is seen as the default when that is such a demanding, exhausting, intense, *permanent* thing to go through! Like... kids should be an "opt in if you really want one" situation, not a "everyone else is doing it so why not?" kind of thing. I also grew up thinking that motherhood was mandatory (thanks, religion! lol) and when I realized that I could simply not, I was so relieved. Also giggled at "I cry at every small thing" because you've been *roasting* Leah for crying about Lord of the Rings! 😅
The child-free community gets so much crap about not wanting kids. I love that you're as sure about what you want as I am and I absolutely respect your choice and wish people would.
I'm glad I can be open about it and get support and love regardless of my opinion 💙 I feel bad sometimes because I know some people think "child free = child hater" or that I have less respect for parents when that's totally not the case. But hopefully the more we talk about it and destigmatize it, the more people will realize that 1) it's a valid life path and 2) it isn't a reflection or judgment of anyone else, just a personal decision!
I like the term “curated personality”. I think everyone does that, not just online. We all have personas that we present to others-at work, at the gym, wherever. That’s why it’s so special to find someone you can truly be yourself with. And no one has to justify their life choices. Child free or parenthood or whatever …do what’s right for your life and everyone else can just be supportive. The hair turned out great. Love it! :)
I'm child free too at 25, I always knew I didn't want kids too, to the point of when somebody says to my mom "you might have grandchildren one day" she's surprised then say "oh not yet, my son is too young", yeah cause she perfectly understood it was out of the question for the old enough daughter 🤣 Like, I struggle enough with my own mental health to add a child's one to it. I just don't have enough patience and it seems like too much of a responsability, I would be afraid to make the child unhappy... and in the world we live in, what kind of life will be having our kids ? It's pretty uncertain. So yeah, better not have them. There's so much parents who have more than two kids, humanity won't die cause we don't reproduce 🤣
My youngest son (now in his 30s) knew from a very young age he wanted to live a child-free life. We are so so lucky that he found a life partner who also wanted to be child free. We have several children and many grandchildren and we take no less joy in any of them. Kudos to those like our son and his partner who consciously make life decisions!!!
Every time someone with children does an AMA, I ask why they decided to have kids. So far it's never been answered, but I think the ones who make a life-upending decision to create and care for another being for 18+ years are the ones who need to explain themselves, not us childfree folks.
I love scrolling these comments and seeing how many child-free people there are out there! Having kids is something I always thought was a requirement when I was young as well, until I grew up and realized I had the choice not to.
I am a huge supporter of people NOT having kids IF they dont want them. I always knew that I wanted to have one child (lots of judgment about that too) there were times, particularly the mid teen years, that were so difficult I questioned my choice! So Yeah, please dont have kids unless you REALLY want them 🤪
I'm 42 and never wanted to birth a child. Keep doing you Kelli! Any time someone asks me why I don't have kids, I ask them why they don't have another. Shuts them right up!
As someone who did expect to have kids and ended up on a life path where that didn’t happen, it can be upsetting if people want to argue when I say it’s fine that I won’t have any. Can people stop doing this? Saying things like that to someone who did want to have kids deep down would be cruel. And to people who genuinely don’t want kids, then it’s just wrong.
So much this. I struggle with infertility due to PCOS and endo. It's taken 5 years and 2 losses and we're hoping this little bean sticks. When people ask me when I'm having kids or why I don't have any yet, I used to just lie and say it wasn't the right time. Now I'm like, f*ck it. I tell them the truth and see them get uncomfortable and end with "so stop asking people such personal questions. You have no idea what people are going through and some people just don't want kids and it's none of your business.". Shuts them up real quick.
I’m 32 and this woman who knew my fiancé was like, “ so when do you guys plan to have kids?” We told her ehh probably won’t and she said “you’ll regret it, it’s a blessing 🤢” she was basically saying that I’m wasting my body by not having a kid. I love kids, I’m a caretaker for disabled children they are fun but I love my life without kids. I also have a niece and nephew. Also my fiancé had a vasectomy and no one knows about that lol.
i love being a childfree person! I also used to think you HAD to have kids and it was such a relief to find out I didn't - because I also have always known my stance on the matter
I’m with you on the child free note. I see nothing wrong with not having children, and fact I think it’s probably better for society that I didn’t. I can afford a lot of things that a lot of my friends cannot. Simply because I don’t have children and they do
I'm with you on the no kids thing. I always knew I didn't want kids, I never thought of any of it being appealing. Cat mom, yes. Human babies, no. My boyfriend and I are on the same page there but people constantly say "You'll change your mind when you're older!" I'm 26 and my boyfriend is 27 and neither of us have ever budged on that.
I too am of of the no-kids crowd and thankfully was never pressured by family to have any (honestly the roughest part of it all was having close friends become parents and adjusting to that versus anything else), and I have no regrets. It's even better when you have a partner who is 100% on the same page as you as well. I always saw it like this: kids should be the cherry to the sundae of your life: does the sundae become less amazing without it? No, but it's a nice addition if you want one. All our sundaes just won't have cherries on them, and that's totally fine! Maybe that sounds a bit cheezy, but in my mind it's really that simple.
I haven’t *always* known I didn’t want kids. When I was younger it was just something future me would figure out and I didn’t think of it. But I figured out pretty early into adulthood I didn’t want any. A lot of folks want to tell you you’ll change your mind or some such. :eye roll: I’m 33 now, my opinion hasn’t changed. It’s fine to not want kids.
I'm 34 and I always knew i didn't want children. People still ask me when I'll have kids and the constant pressure just makes me want them less than I already do. I wish people would mind their business. I never cared what others chose to do with their lives. If anything people should be grateful we aren't choosing to bring more people into this world 😄
I used to kind of cycle through the rainbow anytime I dyed my hair. I dyed my hair every 3-4 weeks back then, so I would start with, say, pink and then slowly add more purple, then once my hair was purple, I added more blue, then green .... and then back to blue, because I've never wanted yellow, orange or red hair :D Love the teal, I think it would look sooooo good green. Unfortunately, in my experience, blue pigment never really fades completely so if you don't want to bleach your hair, you might always have that blue tint to your colour
People always told me "you just wait and see, some day you'll want kids".. Nope, did not! And I still don't. But I have dogs. Four of them, actually. Just adopted another one 😍
I'm happily child-free as well! I've sometimes thought that it would be interesting to experience pregnancy and childbirth, but I'm not up for the pain and I have no desire to parent. I love other people's kids, but I wouldn't want any of my own.
I definitely don't want an apartment closer to NYC. I used to live 20 minutes from the city and it's so incredibly expensive. My apartment now is an hour from the city but it's larger, has more provided amenities, is in a safer neighborhood. Plus the parking situation is so much better!
I always knew that I didn't want kids too. As a kid it was from hearing moms say how they don't have free time, no time to read, no time for this, no time for that and ten year old me was like "Oh heck no, I'm gonna need time to read and watch my shows when I'm 30 too!" I actually really like kids, I just don't want any because of the expense, time commitment and responsibility. Just like some people who like dogs or cats don't want one of their own for the same reasons. I'm a good fun aunt, scout leader and babysitter. But I don't want to be fully responsible for them at all times for 18 years or have to make serious decisions about schooling, medical care, diet and co for them. It doesn't matter which way you do it, you'll find someone who laments how their parents did it that way and it was wrong and ruined everything for them.
Kelly, u’re such a sweetie. Thanks for sharing ur true personality. A lot of us are similar. I notice ai can watch other introverts just talk abt their daily lives for hours!!! I think cause we connect to ur vibe.
An idea for a full-head dyed look that could probably be done well at a salon could be color blocking! I feel that that would be pretty fun, and then you could have more than one color at a time in your hair. As always, I enjoy your vlogs :) thank you so much for sharing
I knew by the time I was 13 years old that I didn't want children. I was aggressively pressured to change my mind. I stood my ground and I'm glad I did. Don't worry about other people's assumptions. They will always assume things. Just know yourself. You are the least offensive, most decent person on RU-vid.
You didn't go too deep. That is a great way to think about it. We really have no clue what people have been through. Instead of looking at someone and thinking they have it perfect, we should think "they have probably overcame a lot to get where they are in this moment". Thanks for being so open and honest.
For hair damage, you might enjoy Shea Moisture Jamaican Black Castor Oil Strengthen & Restore Leave-In Conditioner. When I finish washing my hair, I take a few fingers and dip it in the tub to scoop out a fairly small amount, then rub my hands together, and rub it into my wet hair. My hair soaks it up and gets sooooo soft. Without it, it’s dry and pretty damaged, and looks like crap when it air dries. But with that leave-in conditioner, despite the fact that I’ve bleached my hair and damaged it severely so I can have bright hair colors, you can actually see my curls and I can scrunch it up and get super cute natural curly hair when it dries! And my hair is so soft and happy now. It almost doesn’t feel damaged anymore. 10/10.
Such a great video! Love ur mentioning and honesty about mental health. I personally struggle as well, and would love much more story about mental health and how u cope with depression!
About the kids topic. I never wanted and I still don't want to get pregnant, but I'd adopt. Its cruel to bring another human into this mess of a world we're living in. At the same time, if I never adopt a kid, I'm fine too. It doesn't actually matter to me. What I care most is about making the world (the space where I live, the people around me, the community, etc) a better place.
I always knew I didn't want kids, even when I was a child. I'm lucky I had family that realized incessant questioning or pressuring wasn't going to do anything but alienate me from them, so I didn't get it a lot from family. But I grew up in the South and every memaw thinks she has a right to ask - and then tell you why you're wrong. I've always lived life thinking it's better to do something and regret it than to not do it and never have had the chance, but that doesn't count when it includes another whole person's life that you brought into the world without their consent!
I have always wanted to do purple so I'm going to dive in and do it. I always watch you dye yours and I'm not getting any younger. People will think I've gone crazy but I'm too old to care. I noticed you didn't bleach it this time and I'm not going to use bleach either. Don't know if it will take but I'm hoping at least the grey will turn out purple. I'll have purple highlights, hopefully more maybe. At least that's what I'm hoping for. You inspired me to take the plunge. Always love your hair.
LOVE your paintings. I am an abstract texture acrylic painter. I haven't done any in a long time but that is my style. Hence the nail art...it's more of my easy creative outlet for me. Great hair color btw. 😃. I agree with you on asking about assumptions - you know the old saying...assuming makes an a** out of u and me. 😋
My bf's dad called me a feminist solely because I told him I'm not having kids when he asked. That's not how that works lol. I usually only have pushback when an older man asks
Living out my dyeing hair cool colours fantasies through you for sure 🥰 Love learning more about you. I’m 5’7” too but for some reason I always tell people I’m 5’8” haha
I cant have kids due to a chronic illness and I never really wanted to anyway.. I have 2 nieces that I adore and that I helped raise and I love their company. I also love having my own quiet time so its a nice setup for me 😆
I've known since I was a 6 year old that kids are not a part of my future. I legit remember where I was standing on the playground at school when I had the realisation. But I am also a Cancerian, and it does make me laugh when I read about how motherly and matronly I supposedly am. Very incorrect.
I’ve been watching you for awhile. I just always thought you were this cool chick and I appreciated your reviews on polishes. I’ve been getting manicures for the past year so I haven’t been watching as much now that I don’t do my nails at home 😎
Our society is so messed up when it comes to the topic of children, people look at you funny if you don’t want to have children. I get a lot of, what’s the matter with you why can’t you have children? versus them understanding I don’t want them.
I’ve never liked kids or wanted them. I remember being 11 and just praying that I would never have them lol. Each their own but I will say I don’t really understand wanting kids, especially with the world as it is mainly global warming but so many other crazy things are going on and have been for a while
I hate that people question child-free people.🙄 Unpopular opinion: I feel it's much more selfish to have children than not. I also assume everyone has gone through trauma and often times worse trauma than me. 😂 Everyone handles situations differently and have different breaking points so I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.
I'm on the no children train. People are so insensitive. What gives you the right to judge my life choices? I'm finally at the age I'm pretty much too old now at 43 so people are leaving me alone about it more.
I look forward to people letting it go haha! I don't even mind too much when people ask, but oh boy it really offends me when they say "oh you'll change your mind!"
@@KelliMarissaVlogs Yep, I agree. Thankfully my brother gave my parents a grandchild so it took the pressure off me. He's 46 with a 2 yr old though 🤦♀️ but we love her to pieces. I can spoil her and give her back ❤️
I knew, from the time I was 10, that I didn't want children of my own...and my doctor and mother and many friends all said I'd change my mind and that only freaks didn't want kids! I am sure I was a huge disappointment to many of those who said those nasty things about me, but too bad! Everyone knows what their path is, eventually, and our paths are not open to debate with others unless we ask them for commentary!
Very strange for people to have that attitude in this day and age. The world is over populated as it is. I think more people should decide not to have children imo. I hope that is not wrong to say. lol My daughter never wants to have children and I 100 % support that. It’s very responsible.
Your hair is phenomenal! I'd like to dye my hair in purple or blue half first time. Do I need to bleach it? I don't know much about dyeing hair, so sorry if my question sounds stupid. 😁
No such thing as a stupid question! 😄 There are hair dyes you can buy that are meant for dark hair and you don't need to bleach - but those are generally more subtle, so if your hair is already dark then you might only be able to see the blue or purple in the sunlight! If you want something very bold, you'll have to bleach it (but if you're new to it, I'd recommend getting it lightened professionally!)
I know this was from two years ago, but I found your nail channel a while ago and just thought you were awesome. Then, I found your other channels and saw this video today. You are such a great person! And so adorable, too (I don't mean that in a condescending way). I am also a Cancer and child free (by choice)! I didn't know that when I fell in love with your nail channel, but something drew me to your nail channel. I guess I just knew you were a kindred spirit. I watched a bunch of your videos yesterday and saw the one about the guy who grabbed your butt. I was wondering how that turned out? Did he go to jail? I had a guy put his hand on my leg on a long bus ride home from work probably eight years ago. It was about a 45 minute ride, and I was sort of sleeping. When I realized that he had his hand on my leg, I turned to him and said, in a quiet but fierce voice, "If you do that again, I will break your hand". He immediately took his hand off my leg and apologized. I told a co-worker about it, and the fact that I didn't feel like a victim, which surprised me. She said it was because I had stood up for myself. You did the same, and much more publicly. Good for you! Sorry for the long comment, two years late. I doubt you will see it, but it made me feel good to write it! I apologize if I am breaking some kind of RU-vid etiquette by partially commenting on a different video. This is the one and only time I have ever left a RU-vid comment.
OMG Kelli I need to know where you got that plaid shirt I need this in my life 😍! Also, hello and welcome to the tall childless women's club 😂! We love you, we support you, we understand you and no, we do not hate children! ❤️
Ya know, you might be able to convince a doctor to tie your tubes if you really want to. Some doctors won't do it if your younger and don't already have children, but you might be able to find one that will. Then you won't have to worry about an unwanted pregnancy. I think a lot of people assume that getting your tubes tied is an older person thing to do, but hey, if you know for certain you don't want kids (or more kids in some people's case) tube tying can be a good option. It is a bit of a rough procedure, but not too bad, and then you don't have to worry about pills, arm implants or IUDs. If I didn't want children that would be what I would do.
Unfortunately I haven't been able to find a doctor to agree to it, and even when I had to get a laprascopy (same procedure as a tubal ligation) to remove a tumor in my ovary, no doctor would agree to tie my tubes, or remove my ovary, even though the tumor has a high chance of growing back, because they all insisted I'd change my mind once I "met the right man" because "what if my future husband wants me to have babies?" Lol. Because naturally, having found a life partner who also doesn't want kids is apparently not good enough! It's an insane world we live in, where women aren't allowed to make these decisions with their own bodies, even in a more liberal state like NJ.
@@KelliMarissaVlogs That's so insane Kelli! 😟 I'm so sorry you've had to go through that and thank you so much for sharing with me. I've heard doctors refusing tubal ligation, but the fact that they wouldn't even remove an ovary with a tumor knowing you have another ovary to work with if you "change your mind" 🙄 is just bad medicine. Doctors can be so nuts about these things. They're so worried you'll regret it that they don't think for a second "hey, this is a grown woman who has probably given this a lot for thought and isn't asking to get this done on a whim." They've actually done research on the regret of getting this done without having children and the percentage of women who regret it is very low. I've been reading a book called Regretting Motherhood because I've been legitimately scared that my decision to have kids one day isn't entirely my own choice. So I'm reading it to make sure I have my facts straight for peace of mind. You mentioned something a lot of women go through, that they didn't even know not having children was an option, sometimes they don't realize this until it's too late. It's so sad, I can't imagine having children knowing you never ever wanted it your whole life. I hope your tumor doesn't return, but if it does I hope you find a doctor that listens better or at least has enough sense to remove the ovary altogether. I wish you all the happiness Kelli! ❤️
The fact that you thought as a little kid that you “had” to have children is indicative of the problematic cultural mindset that we have about women and motherhood. The same judgmental comments are made to most women I have met (as well as myself) who have decided not to have children. It’s sad because the reverse is often not true. Women who don’t want to have kids do not ask other women why they want kids, when they are having them, or say stupid things implying that their personal choices will change when they “grow up”. I can only hope things will change with time. At 37, most people have stopped asking me, so for those of you out there still getting badgered with judgment, it does die down the closer you get to menopause.
It's frustrating how parenthood is treated as the "default" in society. As a fellow childfree woman, I feel your annoyance 100% when people question our own decision to not have kids. We aren't harming anyone by being childfree so why is it such an "issue" to everyone?
Splat is not a good dye brand! I love pravana. Sticks more to hands than hair = bad dye. Grrr. Changes hair & doesn’t get all over face? Nice dye! Yay!
Don’t have them if u don’t feel inclined to have children. Funny how they never say this to men. Not all women want children. I wld say less than 50% really. Asked those moms that got caught up without wanting to.
