You two just crack me up :) As one of the other straight white women watching, although from Yorkshire not Canada in my case!, I have nothing to say other than my mantra for living: Life is not a dress rehearsal, you get one shot at it so make the most of it and don't live with regrets.
Everything will be alright in the end. SOOOOOO TRUE! I am getting married to my girlfriend of nine years in two months. Once upon a time I was asked to resign because of my sexuality and forced to leave my church. LIFE WAS HARD! But ten years later, I am engaged, in love, I got a degree, own my own house, have travelled and have AMAZING friends. IT GETS BETTER! You don't need people in your life who disagree with who you are. PEACE
YAASSS to being your own role model. I once had a gay friend ask, "If someone is really flamey, does that make them a visible minority?" And although I laughed so hard, it was an interesting point hidden in his question. Gay people are not a visible minority, which means it's hard to identify them, which means it's sometimes hard to find a gay role model because the ones that are visible are extremely over the top. That's why I love your channel so much because you represent average gay individuals just living their lives and you best believe you are role models for many in the LGBTQ community. Advice: Coming out is scary. But keeping it a secret creates a separation between you and your immediate family, extended family and friends. To them, this separation will seem like you don't like them and can cause damage to those relationships forever. Come out, be yourself, and let these people decide whether they want to accept you for who you are or not. Most people will surprise you. Also, give people time to accept you. When you come out, you will probably have had years to come to terms with being gay. Some people need just as much time as you had. Time makes all the differences.
I love how I can relate so much with Ben when he talks about coming out. Being Jamaican myself, I had those exact thoughts. I honestly thought I'd be put on the first plane back to Jamaica😂.
i always wanted a cinderella story. cause whenever me and my girls discuss "coming out", i wasn't ridiculed by my friends or kicked out of my parents' house. maybe not going through such trials and tribulations, i never really "came out" and shamed for it. oh well. nice vid!
I don't have a coming out story because I'm not gay, but I feel people should come out when they're ready. Make sure you're comfortable first and don't let anyone make that decision for you because they don't have to live your life you do. I've always been gay friendly, and I accept people for who they are. I love you guys.
If I could give any advice to my closeted self...? That those nights you feel alone and scared, it won't last forever. Your family will support you with irrefutable love and kindness. And yes, this is stupidly corny, but love will find a way. At the end of the day, remember: "Those who mind, don't matter. Those who matter, don't mind." You are a beautiful soul and will smile again.
I am a new subscriber and proud to say that I am genuinely in love with your videos since it is a cinematic memoir of your happy, fun life. Furthermore, I have binge watched 15 videos so far and planning to watch more. Keep up with the great work!
I would tell my closeted self that I would have found love and contentment in the end, that coming out is a continuous process, that my parents and siblings would be alright with it eventually, that life would get better as long as you give it a go and that other people's opinions would not have to determine my self-worth and affect my self-confidence.
My advice to my younger gay self: come out sooner/experiment, and to don't be afraid to be the pioneer. I wish I had gotten a head start on figuring all this out and wish I experiments a little before uni. Also, as I've kind of grown into the role a little bit, there are a lot of people who are too afraid to take any kind of action, so doing something as simple as coming out means a lot. Ive become that people see as "wow I can't believe you did that". The down side is some guys find me intimidating because of it and won't flirt with me 😓😂. love you guys and stay sexy
Wow, that is an interesting point about the gay pride parade, Ben. I remember being excited for my first pride but never really connected with the image that was presented for gay men. Even now I have the pride flag lying around in my room and it's like "meh." Before I came out, I also didn't think my parents would be okay with it since we're originally from the Caribbean, but it was still a scary experience to come out. For the whole gender expression business, I remember I became even more conscious of how "feminine" I was acting to sort of prove to others that although I came out, I was still the same person.
+MrJason300 This is one of my favourite comments we've ever received. I'm so glad that it wasn't just me feeling that way about pride, because it used to make me feel SO lonely and confused. Thanks for sharing ❤️ -Ben
Coming out sooner was a great one. I didn't until after university. I missed out on so much, and wasted so much effort trying to not be perceived as gay, and all that BS. I wouldn't have had this stupid "trying to catch up" phase afterwards, either...
Really appreciate the effort they put into this coming out video. Most videos about coming out are just stories. And stories are great, but I love what they did with this. Keep it guys! :)
when I came out to my mum it was like something clamped around my hearth and then I told her and I thought she would tell at me or throw me out of the house but she didn't and I cried for twenty minutes in my room out of sheer joy
coming out is so worth it when you know that someone accepts you for who you are and it's one of the most uplifting feeling in the world when it's to someone you're close to. But coming out is a personal choice and there's no dead line for doing it just stay safe and stay happy 😘
DON'T assume anything!! Going into coming out I thought all of my family would hate me immediately but it turns out that I have some cousins who are fine with it and accept me for me :). My biggest regret is not giving my brother a chance to accept me and I wish I had actually come out to him seperately instead of just assuming my family would hate me and leaving the house(long ass story lol). He was hurt that I didn't even attempt to talk to him and I get where he's coming from.
Lmao my advice to myself is do not kick yourself out of the closet because you were not ready. I came out to one person and then we were send pictures back and forth to each other about guys that we found attractive, and then my dad texted and i did not realize and i sent the pictures to him. I just spilled my guts and i would not say i regret it because if i didn't i would not be where i am at today, but i wish it did not happen over text because at the point I was barely ready to say I am gay to myself.
Interesting response to those issues and coming out. It is interesting hearing both of your perspectives and seeing where you are now. You two recognize reality versus perception. Jack: You came out when you needed to. You met Ben. I hope you are okay Jack. Your voice sounded like you were not well or you just woke up for the day. Get well if you are ill. I must say your perspectives are interesting what happened compared to what you thought.
1.I advice to do it when the mood is calm. The time i camed out I was crying, my mom too and my dad was no chalanse on the sofa watching tv 2.Make sure that all the people u want it to know are there For example I came out with my mom 5 years ago and my dad didn't knew it clearly until 1 year ago 3.Don't be afraid that your parents wuoldn't love you anymore THAT WAS MY WORST FEAR Because my dad is so homophobic and my mom was too They're gonna love you anyway because they just care that you feel good and you are safe Give them their time and everything will work out HOPE I HELPED SOMEONE💕
My nephew is gay, but he hasn't come out to the rest of the family yet, I think it has to do with the fear of how the family would react. I mean some African family really detest gay people. I really hope he will come out soon to the rest of the family so he can finally be who he is, and know that there is nothing wrong with it.
I am sure he will be accepted, because most of the family knows without him saying it and we love him. I just think his afraid of the elders and their primitive way of thinking.
I totally forgot national coming out day was the 11th of Oct ! I'm excited for when i can freely celbrate this day next year when I'm ready to come out. ❤Great Video luvs 😊✌🌈
What advice would I give to my closeted self? First of all, if you wanna come out to your parents, come out to your brother first and talk to him about what you wanna do so that he can be with you when the time comes. Talking to a gay guy before being openly out is really helpful cause it makes you realize you're not alone in this. Love what you do by the way !
I would tell myself to get rid of the people that don't accept me for who I am. They're going to miss out on what I'm doing. I had people that didn't accept me for who I am. So I just got rid of them and I've never been happier. Love you so much. ❤️😘🌈❤️💛💚💙💜
I feel you guys, I'm not in the closet but only parts of my family knows I'm gay. So I feel that I'm ready to come out this year so my best friend and I are coming out this year! And what you guys said in this video is me to the extreme. I live in nc USA but plan on moving out to either London, WeHo or NYC cause I can't take nc no more. Less than two more years til I graduate!!!!!
I would have told myself to come out at the age of 12. I knew before that but I was so afraid of the reactions of all the people I wanted to tell that I pretty much denied to myself what I knew even when I found myself in peculiar situations.
Advice to my closeted self: When you come out, it doesn't test who you are or your personality. It's tests who others are and it tests their personality. Never be afraid to be who you are❤️ and if others don't agree with you or support you, then they are not meant to be in your life.
Advice to closeted self... Don't wait 'til mid 20's to stay away from carbs. Oh, and tell him the lottery numbers for every year until the present. Oh, and attend the folsom street fair asap.
I would tell myself: A. They already know.... B. Have some confidence, there were relationships and friendships missed because of fear and anxiety. C. Stay the night with the bar manager (that was just after I came out, but he needed to know too).
As a non-white person, I definitely agree with Ben. Moreover, I don't live in a gay-friendly place hence I'm pretty much still in the closet. I was thinking about my foreback plan way before I had figured out my sexuality. I accidently came out to my mum last year. She was the first person I've ever told in real life... she almost passed out (like litterally)... her reaction sort of traumatized me & I'm not ready to do this again
Our Swirl Life well, she had mixed-feelings? In one hand she was supportive. She told me that she loved me no matter what, that I was the same person in her eyes & she would never do horrible things such as disowning me or kicking me out. On the other hand, she's pressuring me to end up with a woman. She's like "I don't care who you gonna end up with, just gimme (biological) grandchildren". She also hopes it's just a phase & eventually will become fully straight. idk she needs time I guess. I told a friend recently. I said I was not a big fan of labels but he's trying to put me in a box. He's like "You're gay. Just admit it. Don't complicate things" or "If you're not gay then you're bi. Just pick a f*cking label! You don't have that many options"
sadly the one about family isn't as easy. my family is very religious and i haven't spoken to many of them including my mother since 2009 because I came out and they couldn't handle it. However, their opinion doesn't matter to me lol
I didn't come out.. I got caught! - total messed up way.. my best friend for about 17 years now, a family friend of hers, visited Guyana, saw my profile on Adam4Adam and told my best friend. I was horrified. I still haven't "come out" to my family, I just introduced my ex to my mum and siblings so nonchalant; this is my boyfriend, and just left it.
I'd say to my younger self...glory holes aren't great date nights... cruising will get you arrested... having sass, standing tall, being outspoken and political will change the world in 20 yrs you will be the voice your state hears to pass hate crimes and anti discrimination laws..... sharpen your teaching skills...because @ ages 40-45 you will be needed to mentor the next generation...even tho marriage is legal, and acceptance in better... there are still forces of hatred that need to be battled with knowledge...@ 45 that's what I'd tell my 18 year old coming out self
really good video topic and my advice to my closeted self is DON'T COME OUT TO YOUR FAMILY NOR FRIENDS . I AM SORRY IF MY ADVICE WOULD HURT SOMEONE BUT I REALLY WISH THAT I DIDN'T COME OUT CAUSE ALL I GOT FROM IT IS NOTHING BUT LOATHING AND BEING SAD
i would say im in or out the closet , im kinda at the door way you could say , im a very openminded person , and love comes first no matter what, well love and happiness, and p.s to everyone thats in the close twhy , if your somewhere where you cant be yourself, move states, move countries every , just sell all your stuff pack to bags and move somewhere where you can be YOU , whats a life without expression and happiness, a VERY VERY DULL life is what it is.
omg that is so true I remember back in junior high the gay guys always had a crush on the hot straight boys. I don't know if it's true or not but there was this real hot guy on the football team one of those same gay guys use to do sleep overs at this guys house they say the gay guy was tutoring him in algebra
ok im bisexual but when i try to come out my mom literally say "there is no such thing u either straight or gay and my baby is straight" so im just going to stay quiet it
I would tell my younger self: God loves you just the way you are. He makes no mistakes. There is nothing wrong with you. You are wonderfully and beautifully created. Love who you are. Accept who you are. Know that you are not alone. It will get better.
I think I would tell myself to keep my head up and never let people tell me who I am and proclaim it for myself. I'm Korean so it was very weird coming out to my parents and I wish I just wouldn't have because it just made things awkward and in the end it would have probably been better if I were to come out to them only once I was ready to get married. lol Thankfully my parents didn't kick me out of the house so thats a start...? LMAO and also to never fall in love with straight men LMAO. And its also LGBT History Month in America ! :) Happy LGBT History Month~~~
For me: I'd tell myself to come out earlier, I left it until I was around 21, and no one, and I mean no one cared 🙄 I expected tears, questions and a bit of backlash but nope nothing, my mother (god rest) when I told her ' mum Im gay' Her exact words... 'is that it u twat' 💅🏻 I was like ermm.. yh are u not shocked- she said no ur still the same now let's go corrie is on 😂 So yes I'd tell myself to come out earlier and save myself the years of stress and worry
Well, I'd say these rules are for the Western world, it's totally different here, thanks to local mentalities:) But anyway... I came out to all of my friends. They accepted me, and I couldn't have been any happier:) My parents on the other side still don't know about me, and I'm 20 years old. Though I definitely will tell them, but only when I finish my college and establish myself financially. I know my parents, my Mom will definitely love me no matter who I am, but I'm not so sure about my father...:) So yeah, if you need to come out at all, you should do it when it's right for you. And the rule #10... ouch...:D Been in such love for 5 years and he freaking knows that:D Thank you for this great video, guys:P
