I'm getting married in 2 months (and about 13,5 hours) to this amazing guy. He's sweet, thoughtful, respectful, kind, intellectual, all the things I wanted. But MAN does that not mean our relationship isn't complicated! We're both autistic, I have PTSS which makes me scared of people in general and men in particular, he has insecurity through the roof, the whole nine yards. The only way we've made it so far is with a shit ton of careful communication: 'how are you feeling', 'I'm feeling ___', 'I felt ___ when you did ___', 'could you please ___', 'I'm feeling insecure about ___'. If I could give any advice it's this: if you don't say it out loud (preferably calmly) it's never gonna get fixed.
Johanna C I’m Autistic to and for the longest time I’ve been terrified of ppl Bc I don’t want to be judged so I’m quiet and awkward and I don’t speak to ppl much so I don’t rlly think I’ll find a partner sooner than I hope
Also: when you are in a relationship and you get a crush on a person outside of that relationship, talk about it with your partner. It is hard in the beginning but when you analyze what it was that atracted you in the outside person and why you crave it and then you incorporate that into your current relationship, your relationship will become so much better. For example I had a major crush for an youtubestar and the thing i realized I was so attracted was her outgoingness and the amout of fun she had by herself. She was someone that always brought a smile on my face. I talked about it with my husband and we started to show eachother more what made us laugh, we tried to be as confident in our laughter even though the other person didn't understand what was funny and created things together that were silly and brought joy to both of us. Our relationship got such an upgrade with that and we both enjoy spending time together more now. And btw, I am not attracted to her anymore but am in my husband :D
PSA, even people with smaller disorders such as ADD or ADHD have different ways of doing things, communicating, emotions, etc. Take that into consideration if you or your partner/date has this. Looking into (NOT TOO MUCH) is never a bad idea. It has explained some habits my boyfriend has, such as mood swings.
Loving this conversation. :) It's so interesting to hear the insights and different perspectives. But also I'm just sitting here like, good lord, how the heck does someone do confrontation and advocating for one's own wants and needs so well? THAT is a skill to learn.
The expectation part is very important. It worked incedibely well for me with job interviews. Instead of feeling like I had to prove myself and give the best possible answers everytime, I see it more as a conversation where BOTH parties try to find out if there's a match. It's not nearly as stressful now and the result are much, much better. That being said it doesn't feel like she's qualified to answer these questions
my boyfriend and i have had "fights" over stuff since we moved together, but it was first when i had a cry session in the bathroom he realized how much it ment to me, and he saw how he acted and what impact it had on me, its been much much better since that day, i think its ½ or maybe a year later now, and were doing this "team" thing pretty well :)
Sarah Vittrup - Aw, that's great news you guys have been making it work. I'd like to know how to have that kind of impact land without me having to have a melt down or go partly insane to get through to the guy. ;) I find clearly communicating my needs and that it IS A NEED, a not a whimsy, and that while he is under no obligation to meet it - I completely respect his freedom - it is important to me and I am going to have to get that need met, I find this level of very objective clarity to be useful to the more masculine types (bless their beautiful logical brains) and more often than not, they're very responsive.
The three biggest mistakes people make are: 1. Not asking for what you want. 2. Assuming what the other person is thinking instead of asking. 3. Making up the other persons intentions. Adding meaning to things instead of sticking to observable facts.
Hank, don’t take this the wrong way cause I think you’re amazing, but I wished you had talked less and let her talk more in this video. Several time you seemed to answer the questions before she got a chance to and it felt a bit like she was left with very little to say. This is just meant as some constructive criticism as I love all your channels! 💕
“We should chat more, because we disagree on a lot - or not - we just have different experiences” Okay NOW I’m on board the everybody-wants-to-date/befriend-Stevie train. I have so much trouble finding other people that have this perspective on life
Alan Loy McGinnis wrote two books, "The Friendship Factor" and "The Romance Factor", both of which have a chapter on how to have a satisfying and productive fight. Fighting in a relationship isn't failure if you do it right :)
Stevie is strong beautiful and intelligent.And she's really growing,and learning.Dive into a relationship before you sure about it ,just because you think the other person wanted it...just because of the strong attraction.#Stally#They rushed it!
You're right that this interview looks a little soft. When we filmed this interview, we originally had three Canon 70Ds running (one wide, two close-ups at 1080p), but somewhere along the process we lost one of the close-ups, so we made do with the wide shot because we really loved this conversation and wanted it to be out in the world!
I absolutely loved this video. I really feel l related to Stevie , and that made it a lot easier to understand what she was saying. And I look forward to watching more of her videos.
I dont k ow who this chick is but shes clearly not an expert or a professional. She talks like a RU-vid dating guru, which is another word for an advice columnist who gets views because she is attractive.
If she only used the word "unrealistic" before every time she used the word "expectations" . . the only time you don't "expect" everything is In a fairytale
