I got chills with this from your journal: "Today is not everything, but I will give everything today." Thank you for sharing your struggles and triumphs with the world.
In one of your earlier videos detailing your struggle and recovery process with ED, you said that part of what caused it was people crediting your racing success to being small and light. This is a good reminder for us all to be careful and honest in our praise. Allie's early results weren't because she was small. They were the result of her being a talented runner who also trained as hard if not harder than her competitors. Sometimes we want to dismiss the hard work component (which we can all do if we want to put in the time and effort) and credit something else for other's success. Imagine if all those people who told Allie that she was doing so well because she was tiny, instead praised her for her work ethic and training.
Being careful with words and praise so so important! I think that there needs to be a better understanding of how words can be interpreted and the long-lasting impacts they can make.
It is important that we watch what we say. I had a run coach tell me, “You will be faster if you lose weight.” 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️. ED’s are sometimes fueled by statements that Coaches make to their athletes.
The micowave that beeps at the 7:30ish mark had me going to the kitchen and looking around!! I noticed my griddle was left on (I made pancakes for breakfast)! Your video "may have" prevented a house fire!! Thank you, Allie!! You can now put 'fire prevention expert' on your resume'
I can only imagine how draining 10 hours in "food school" was. An hour is long! You are so thoughtful and strong and brave. Keep fighting and so glad you are addressing and working through all this now instead of allowing the ED to share space and ruin you.
@@allie_ostrander I’m a little nervous because about to go into a full treatment center in 2 weeks that I think is more 24/7. But thank you for giving me hope that it’s worth it!!
In life sometimes "you have to have a breakdown, before you have a breakthrough" You've accomplished this and soooo much stronger than ever. Sky's the limit
This should be required viewing for both athletes and coaches. This video could easily be included within a USATF coaching class. I have been really admiring your content in your videos. Very inspiring. I can't wait to see what you do next!
As someone relatively new to following along on your journey, this was all new to me. It's super impressive that you were able to overcome your eating disorder, whilst still being an elite athlete. Keep being your authentic self!
Sometimes I forget that people don't know about this because I still see it as such a central part of what shaped me as a person. Thank you for taking the time to watch!
Honestly super proud of you for posting this content, it’s very real and very raw. ED recovery is one of the hardest things I’ve ever personally done, so I just want to say you’re not alone, and I’m rooting for you.
My daughter battled ED in high school and college. She got better and now has a master's degree and is a ED therapist a Recovery Center in Houston. You can get better and thrive. You have a long life ahead, good luck, it does get better.
Super impressed by your courage to release this to the world. Speaks a lot about how far you have come in your own headspace and approach to what it means to be a runner and influencer in 2023. Proud of you
“Authenticity “. Before you even mentioned it in this video, I was going to say that’s the quality I most admired in you. You are always so real and honest. I’m so proud of all you’ve achieved and overcome. And, what an amazing family and boyfriend you have been blessed with. Best wishes to you in the future.
You are an amazing example to us all and a huge inspiration to myself and those choosing to live authentically and pursue growth beyond an ED. Thank you for all you do
Thanks for sharing Allie. I don’t suffer from ED but I do suffer from mental illness that can make training at my highest level REALLY hard sometimes. It always makes me feel better seeing that other high level athletes have mental breakdowns and rough patches. It takes a lot to share that side of your experience, so I thank you. I hope you’re doing a lot better! :)
When you're struggling with a mental illness, it's so hard to performa at a high level because mental engagement is so important. I don't think people understand that the mental overwhelm isn't something that can just be turned off. I hope you're doing well!
ED is most commonly used as the acronym for erectile dysfunction. You see it used to sell viagra all the time on tv. Just seems wrong to throw it around in a story about a young girl.
Thank you for posting this. I am in recovery from a severely restrictive ED. I had the same situation as you. I had 3 stress fractures, one after another. And I kept coming back and thinking it was ok but my body couldn’t withstand my training + lack of nutrition. After my third injury (I was out for 16 weeks) I dived deep into recovery and gained healthy weight. I’ve been feeling a lot better but it’s incredibly hard. Recovery is so hard. The hardest thing I’ve ever done. It’s so worth it in the long run. Much love to you and everyone else who is and has struggled with this disease.
I watched this video twice and I never have ever done that on a RU-vid video. You deserve a gold medal for being able to sustain my attention span for that long! 💫🏆🎶 you’re a shining star!
This video tackles a lot of important points, and eating properly to avoid injury is one of them. Your life was taking on the trajectory of a Shakespearian tragedy -- the hubris (perfectionism, control) that got you on top eventually took you down. But alas you resurrected yourself. I like the positivity, I like the acceptance, I like the wisdom. Life throws a lot of flowers and feces at us, and we have to be sturdy enough to handle it. Would love to see a future video that tells us your running plans. You're a top ten American runner who I don't think has reached her peak.
Proud of you, Allie. It takes a lot of courage to juggle prepping for the OTs with overcoming something as emotionally distressing as an ED. You're a champ in all of our eyes. 🏆
TY for sharing coming from a runner who has struggled with eating issues myself. I can’t imagine the pressure of competing at the highest levels though and the pressure you put on yourself as a high achiever.
This is so raw and valuable to so many, thank you. I'm 36 now but in my mid 20s, I had a lot of success with half marathon and marathon running. I still run a lot and race a lot, but it's not EVERYTHING to me the way it was back then. While I didn't have an eating disorder, I feel I was racing only for other's validation at times, to make people proud of me, and I had crippling self doubt and a real lack of self belief, feeling like I was worthless if I didn't place 1st, 2nd or 3rd. More people need to speak up about this, I think it's only natural when we win stuff, to want to win more, achieve more, but there's ALWAYS going to be someone faster than you. That's just running. When you're young and impressionable, it can be such a destructive place mentally xxx
I agree, chasing success is such a fulfilling and addicting passion, but it's easy to cross the edge between passion and obsession. It's hard to know where that line is, or even realize when you have crossed it. I'm just glad that you and I were both able to realize when our passions became too obsessive and were able to change that trajectory.
I have tremendous respect for you, not only a a runner, but as a human being. Your journey is taking tremendous courage and strength. Peace and best wishes.
Soooo glad that you shared this journey!! My life hit a low point around that same time, I’ve struggled with anorexic ED habits since high school and it finally caught up along with my mental health issues. Now im fully recovered, I weight lift, im running my first half marathon, and am trying to apply to med school. You are so strong and thank you for sharing and opening up the conversation for us all!! 🥰 Never give up! 💪🏼
You continue to inspire me and the struggles I go through everyday. I'm always happy to see another video from you. I will always follow your career but more importantly I look forward to seeing the impact you make on others with ed by being open and honest about yourself instead of putting on a happy face when you're not really feeling happy and believe me thats a very easy thing to do. God bless you Allie. From You're Boise fan :)
To say you are brave is a tremendous understatement, Allie. Congrats on overcoming your challenges. We are judged by the way we handle adversity. You've handled yours with courage and grace.
The fact that you kept going even after going through the harsh world of having and ED is so inspiring. Thank you for putting your real self out there to encourage girls (and boys) who are struggling with themselves. Your running is so impressive and I'm so thankful you are doing better now.
Girl!!!! 1. So incredibly proud of you for fighting for your life and wellbeing and of course your Career. But 2. The quality of this video!!! This was like a professional documentary 👏
Thank you for sharing! I have a lot less anxiety about a lot of things because of people like you, sharing experiences. I know I am not alone in my personal challenges and that there is community, and now people struggling with EDs have one more person sharing their story, showing that THEY aren't alone either. So, thank you for sharing your story :)
Thank you for sharing! Your conclusion stuck out to me the most - we’re all so much more than a single achievement. We are our perseverance and grit and the process of becoming the best version of ourselves. Love that.
Yes, I used to think that running fast and winning races was the most important thing I could do, but now I realize that utilizing my platform for good is so much more impactful :)
I love your transparency in this video, showing your real emotions. I know it must have been difficult to make. I think sharing your story will help so many people.
Crying all the way through this video. Your vulnerability all the way through is inspiring. What you’re going through is not easy. Thank you for sharing. I cant wait to continue watching your journey
Thank you for sharing your journey the struggle, tears, and your wins professionally and personally. Giving you virtual hugs. Your note that says "Fierce" I found so cool because on my arm a have a tattoo that is my mantra "Live Fierce". You embody that for sure!
Allie, thank you for sharing this. Glad you feel comfortable doing so and I am sure it will help a lot of people. Glad you are in a good place in life and running right now. 🙂👍
Allie, Thank you for posting this. I've admittedly never struggled with an ED but I have struggled mentally at times with running and life and this helped me gain a perspective on how to handle some things in my own life. You're doing life saving work with this video.
It's so normal to struggle, but I hope this video shows that struggles aren't permanent and sometimes they just force us to grow in ways we didn't think we need to.
You have now truly helped me and given me hope. I have an eating disorder and I love sports and running, but struggle to get in that headspace to push myself and keep going when I just feel weak physically and mentally. You have showed me that Im not alone in that and that "you may not have been able to achieve everything you dreamed of but you have proven to yourself that you are stronger than you think you are". That line spoke to me. Thank you for giving me hope and showing that even the best athletes can go through ordinary struggles; I think that authenticity is such a scarce value but such a needed one. NEVER GIVE UP. YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK YOU ARE TO DO ANYTHING. Thank you for doing what you do and have done. You have given hope, helped so many people and shown them that they are not alone. and that includes me. God bless xxx
I'm so happy to hear that my video has given you hope and strength. Overcoming these struggles isn't easy, but it makes you stronger and enables you to live life fully. Wishing you the best!
Thank you. I have only recently become aware of some of the challenges that women athletes have vs their male counterparts. Best wishes for continued success at whatever you choose to do!
Thank you so much for sharing this!! As I'm sure you've figured by now, you will/have already helped soooooo many people. If you've not already, I'd really recommend reading/listening to Good For a Girl (Lauren Fleshman) and How She Did It (Molly Huddle & Sara Slattery). They both talk really well about the pressures on young female athletes and I think every young runner should read them! Good luck on the rest of your journey
Allie, I have just found your page and I feel blessed and wished I would found you way sooner, I am a national triathlon athlete and have been recovering from ana for a year while I was recovering I was feeling very much the same and any recovery accounts I found would never be 100% relatable there was you I might be late to your journey but I am more than grateful
You are a beautiful person Allie. Thank you for being so incredibly vulnerable and showing all your challenges....be they physical, mental or emotional. You truly are standing by your value of being authentic. I am so glad that you had such lovely people in your court while you were in treatment. Treatment for any mental health issue is absolutely exhausting and challenges you to the core. I went through in patient treatment for anxiety and depression...so I can relate to some degree. Sending you so much gratitude and
Overcoming mental illness is so hard, I'm glad that you got the help you needed! I was sooo fortunate to have an incredible support system around me through the entire process--in treatment and after discharge--there's no way I would have gotten through it without them.
Thank you for making this video Allie; sharing stories like this is so helpful for a community where disordered eating is so often still normalised and brushed under the rug. You definitely embodied your value of authenticity in this! Also, I really appreciated that you placed the focus on the experience rather than metrics like calories/weight. So much media about eating disorders includes these and it really adds nothing other than the potential to trigger folk, and reinforcement of the idea that these numbers are what make someone’s ED “valid”. Thank you for avoiding this!
yes, I really wanted to avoid comparison photos or talking about what I ate before/after. It's important to remember that it's a MENTAL illness. I hate how triggering photos are used so often..it just seems like a ploy for clicks that has damaging consequences.
I have been a fan of your running since Boise State. I've become a fan of the authentic you. I'm sure you are helping others by sharing your journey, and I hope it does you good, too. I will continue rooting for you!
Can unfortunately relate to a lot of the struggles you've gone through, but you sharing your experience and putting it out there is helping way more people than you know. 💙 Also you're getting really good at putting together storytime videos like this one too, putting Netflix documentaries to shame haha. 😄
I'm glad that it was helpful (because not gonna lie it was kind of painful to relive to make this lol). And thank you, that's like the best compliment ever!
You are helping so many people struggeling with ED. You should be so proud of your self the information that you are sharing in this vlog is going to help so many people. I hope someday if you ever travel to New Hampshire we cross paths that would be awsome I hope some day to thank you in person for how much you help people withyour blogs. I have a hard time with being over weight and it's extremely frustrating and your vlogs show me that there is hope for everyone. Have a wonderful week hopefully its sunny and warmer were you are we are having an cold blast of weather from canada here in NH this weekend with temps in the single numbers with wind chills double digits below 0
Thank you Alli for your courage to be honest and showing your authentic self. It’s never easy to put yourself out there for everyone to see. Just from seeing your recent videos, you seem like you are in a good place in recovery. It’s definitely a journey. Thank you for sharing your struggles, triumphs, and ongoing progress. 💕
seeing your mom at the very end and knowing Spencer's mentality from watching his videos was a great demonstration of the people you have around you - truly a blessing, keep going and keep giving it your all!
Thank you for sharing. You're a great story teller and an even better person. I am a 48yr old guy and I struggle with ED too. Authenticity matters. God Bless Allie :)
Thank you for sharing, I’ve struggled multiple times in the past, and I’m glad the topic is getting talked about more. You did such an amazing job impressing how you feel in words. I really resonated with this ❤
I had a lot of time to think and find the right words lol...it's not easy to express. Also, even with how long this video was and all the journal entries I showed, I still feel like I barely scratched the surface of everything I have to say about this experience.
This is the first video I'm watching of yours, IDK how the youtube algorithm knows me better than I know myself! thank you for the light you are shining for us
Yes, it's usually a rule that you have to abstain from physical activity for at least the first part of your stay, but they made an exception for me which was great. And yes, my mom is v cool!
I came to this channel for the Alaskan trail race journey, and I'm staying for the engaging, thoughtful, and important personal narratives you're sharing with us. It takes courage and thoughtfulness to share the ups and downs of life like this. You're really helping people who have their own life trials. Thank you. Keep up the great work! I wish you the best during your journeys!
Allie your channel is epic specially for your fellow athlete s .You are a Giant and so adept in your description of the (trap) that gets when your not looking !! Your form when you steeple makes me burst with pleasure. Rock&Roll ..
I’m not sure why this made me cry. I had to leave my sport due to food issues and the pandemic and I know now I’ll never get to be the elite athlete I wanted to be. It’s hard to even go back but I’m trying. Very proud of you.
It's heartbreaking knowing how many athletes were stripped of their future in sport due to food/eating disorders. I hate that so much, and my intention of sharing here is to be a cautionary tale to those that still have the power to save their future
That was some harsh moment that video of your training made me so sad glad you overcame it. All the good for you, you are a great inspiration. Those two races were amazing, being in the finals is by itself an impressive result, specially after what you were experiencing. Keep the good work.
Looking back on some of that footage was tough because it was such a testing time in my life, but it's nice now that I know my life is so much better because of it.
Outstanding Achievement, thank you for having the courage to share this story. I hope you continue to progress through to the next Olympics in the steeplechase 👍
Great video. Tough to see how you struggled back then but clearly a stronger better version of yourself came out of the other side. You are champion in so many ways. Keep on struttin’
Ever hear the song that goes "When I'm worried and I can't sleep, I count my blessings instead of sheep". It was written for you. Nice family, nice friends, Spencer, Georgie, nice looking, nice person, good personality, nice place to live, good health (except maybe for the past ED). You know all that. And there's not a word in there about runnin'.
Thank you for your sharing your story. 💗 I too was a perfectionist and struggled with an ED as a teenager. I am sure that your story will help others struggling with similar issues. Thank you for being you and having the courage to be honest and open with what you have overcome.
I am so glad that you are spreading this message the way you are. I am especially happy you aren’t making this like a typical sob story souly looking for personal attention. I am trying to recover from the effects of having really severe norovirus (stomach bug basically, couldn’t eat anything for 5 days and anything besides water would make me nauseous and throw up) and it has impacted the capacity of which I am able to eat afterwards. Being a runner I usually eat a lot, and have to keep down a lot of food but after all this I can’t keep that amount of food down without getting sick. It has kind of opened up my eyes and I’m still working on being able to eat enough and run again, it is a fast recovery but still a bummer I got to miss out on so much training right when it starts ramping up. Seeing this video just makes it happy that some things are applicable to little ole me who doesn’t even have ed, I am especially thankful you’re trying to bring awareness to ed instead of making a purely ego centric sob story out of it Thank you
I'm glad that this didn't come across as a sob story because I definitely didn't post it for pity. I just want to spread awareness for how ed can impact runners, and what a serious condition it is. Also, I wish you the best with recovering from your norovirus!
Allie, you are a very brave Woman sharing your journey with others, I am sure this will help many in a positive way struggling with an ED. This was a really nice video also, I remember watching you in the Olympic Trails, and it was nice to see clips from those races again. We all wish you the very best and look forward to you upcoming races. Best regards.
Allie I really can't tell you how inspiring you are to so many people and me as well :) You have gone through so much and I applaud you for being brave and sharing your story of how hard this S*** is because it is very hard I know the feeling and I just wanted to tell you that I can relate and you are not alone :) I am beyond proud of you for what you did accomplish in the olympic trials you are a winner to me and I just love how honest you are about everything this S*** is not easy and people always think it is so thank you for speaking out! I am struggling right now with my ED a lot and I want to give up because I am exhausted but your story inspires me that I can keep going!! I sadly can no longer run because of an injury from my ED and I won't ever be able to but I am still trying to stay strong and be able to do crossfit!!
Love your mom’s support! Great job at the trials-through everything you were going thru to finish 8th is amazing! Fun fact- Mel Lawrence was in Pacific USATF XC same time my son was doing it (though a couple older divisions than him) so I got to watch her win everything back then -nice young lady!
Thankyou for sharing this!! You will help save so many lives with your story. You are a strong amazing inspiring woman. Thankyou so much. Love from Australia 🇦🇺
God may let you live your hopes and dreams but through Him you can help others out of their nightmare. This will make you a greater person than you could ever imagine. Thanks for being you. and helping others.
Before my senior year of D1 soccer, I was forced into PHP. It was a horrible program that broke HIPAA and forced medication for my Tourette syndrome onto me. Instead of staying, I left early and decided to forgo my eligibility and sign my first pro contract. I still struggled while playing pro, and I got a season ending (nearly career ending) injury. It was a freak accident, but I always wonder if maybe it could’ve been prevented if I was healthy. Thank you for this video and for being vulnerable. You are saving lives.
