Porn category here Both "Spicy mixed Latino r*pe fantasy" and "Tr*nny boypussy" (These are paraphrases of actual porn titles I've seen, it's horrifying)
Seeing a father tell his young daughter "you are married to the Lord, your father is your boyfriend, we're going to have fun together" is SO CREEPY!! How do they not hear themselves??
I remember being someone's first time having sex with a girl. They made a big fuss about what all this shit about finding the clit was about, they go down and they immediately see it. If my non-experienced, clueless friend who's afraid of women could find it immediately, the problem is not "not being able to find it", they are not even looking.
@@the-entity And morbidly hilarious. He accidentally told the world that he has never gotten a woman aroused, and his wife straight up lied to him to keep his fragile little ego in check. It's definitely sad, but it's ok to find it funny, too IMO.
Some alternative: 1. She just doesn't get wet when aroused (happens to a lot of people) and she skipped women's anatomy every time it came up in her medical education. 2. She's so insecure that she knows and doesn't want to admit she isn't the expected norm. Possibly because her husband is the type to not believe her truth. 3. He confused macaroni in a pot for a physical description rather than a sound comparison and asked her if women should have mac and cheese consistency down there. 4. Both Ben and his wife are trolls
@@LC-sc3enIt would be much more easier if they could have a normal conversation around the subject. Maybe they're both asexual? I hope they're on the same page, even if I hate that guy.
We got men losing their minds because they developed a parasocial relationship with a twitch streamer, and then found out she was married... Bruh, you weren't going to date her even if she was single.
I heard that Japan has had a problem like that with certain obsessive fans of Japanese idol groups. From what I remember a member of a girl group had shown pictres of her and her boyfriend and she had to apologize to her fans
@@loopyloo8169 Yuuup. Basically, idols are allowed to have relationships, but they're supposed to keep it a secret. Because it "feels bad man" when the idol you're crushing on goes home every night to be with her man.
@@loopyloo8169 that's actually pretty common in Japan and Korean idol scene. For men and women. I still remember the first time I heard this out loud with EunHyuk, from SuperJunior (a k-idol group), saying in a TV show that he was never going to date anyone because his fans were his girlfriends - and everyone applauded. Can't really develop on how this fits with this video, still processing this one, but yeah, this happens and it's crazy :P
I had a purity ring, but full-on “purity balls” weren’t as much of a thing yet in the 90s (to my knowledge). I knew girls pledged their virginity to their father’s protection, but the dad actually saying “i am your boyfriend” is weird AF
As an asexual person raised in the mormon church, learning that I didn't have to get married and have kids was the most relieving thing. It sounded like the more horrific experience I could imagine as a child. It's honestly creepy how church's sexualized children in that way. Teaching little girls they need to grow up and have babies was so objectifying and sexualizing and uncomfortable to have preached to me as a child. I had just reach double digits when they started teaching it to me. Teaching how to be a good wife and mother when I was TWELVE 😷😷😷
I think about how society at large grooms young children into that mindset all the time. I can't even pass by the toy aisle at stores anymore because it just sickens me. A 6 year old shouldn't be "playing mother" with a plastic baby she resembled only a few years prior.
I distinctly remember a lesson in young women's where they wanted all of us to talk about what we wanted our future husbands to be like. And I'm a lesbian... So I was pissed and probably annoying as fuck because I was just so over it.
"Sex is boring. Sex is a chore". What a way to tell on yourself my guy. This is what happens when you aren't even attempting to be in tune with your partner and you look at sex like an obligation. Sex should happen when you're both in the mood and can be present in the moment with one another. For being an alpha male sex guru, Andrew Tate seems to know very little about sex.
Its actualy true. I watched a interview with a male porn actor from my country and he said that he fucked so many woman that he rather jerked off to porn than have actual sex with his hot ass wife.
I feel really bad for the partners of men who say that female orgasms aren't real. Like how do they not realize that they just are incapable of bringing anything enjoyable to a woman.
I don't know how to make soufflé, I tried it once before and it didn't work. I put bacon on the pan, as I usually like it, but I didn't get a soufflé out of it. So I've decided to go to everyone who knows and scream in their face that they are delirious and that soufflé doesn't actually exist, only fried bacon and dinno nuggies are real.
One of my biggest feelings of pride comes from never having a recurring female partner (relationship, friends with benefits, etc) who hasn't discovered either a new kink or new kind of orgasm she didn't know she could have. Or frequently it's both, because it's often the mental aspect of sex that separates good from great. When you can look back at years worth of women discovering things about themselves and their bodies, their preferences, and even what they thought they were capable of, that's something. And it's not because I'm all that. It's because I talk with the women I'm with about sex, their preferences, fantasies, the switches some women have that just make them go from zero to melting in an instant, etc. If you actually take the time speak with them and to get to know their bodies and real turn ons, crazy things suddenly happen and can even become common.
@@RevShifty It's almost like... If you treat a woman like a person with... idk, opinions... They might LIKE what happens.... Weird... That can't be right. No but really, these men just out themselves all the time that they've never pleased a woman. That's not s3x. That's just masturbating with her body.
Yup. Before "woke" it was Social Justice Warrior (SJW) being used as an insult. The cognitive dissonance is truly spectacular! I would always ask people who called me that what part of fighting for equality is it you feel is wrong - never got a good answer 🤣
it's because they believe people use "woke" to justify platforming problematic ideas from their conservative worldview. that's how "woke" became an insult to the right. of course if the association hadn't stuck already they would've used "woke" to refer to themselves.
The fact that doing sexual things as a man that doesn't involve penetrating a woman is more seen as scandalizing than a man having concerning amounts of sexual control over their partner and even their own children is nasty and concerning 😟
@@raghavnamasivayam8706 there's a difference between boundaries and sexual control. Cheating violates boundaries, but sexual control is control over somebody's sexuality in the sense of controlling what they are allowed to like in the bedroom or is attracted to. That's abusive, while being mad about cheating isn't.
I'm still just floored by the amount of states that allow sex ed to be NOT MEDICALLY CORRECT 💀 imagine any other subject (except History because it falls in the same situation) being allowed to be taught incorrectly or be straight up misinformation and we're just like "yep, that's good!"
Conservatives will fight tooth and nail to keep people ignorant because education makes you way less conservative, and conservatism is abour power at its core
I'm still just floored by the fact that NONE OF US WOULD BE HERE without a man and a woman. Why do people insist on "inventing" a paradigm of gender fluidity when you are never defying DNA or science itself? Quackery and emotion over feelings.
Let's be real not a single subject is immune from people warping it to suit what they truly want to teach lol. People have been purposefully teaching incorrect shit for forever, education has always been one of the most powerful tools. Why are yall surprised akshdjdjd
Sneako is an example of “what you are deep down doesn’t matter, your actions define you.” If you’re a ‘good’ guy that keeps doing bad things, then you’re just a bad guy.
Maybe it's the wording of the quote but I don't entirely agree. I would agree if it said "what you SAY doesn't matter because it's your actions that define you" as after all actions create change, require commitment and will AND reflect INTENTIONS (i.e. "what you are deep down") but that's not the case. Some people are forced or manipulated into doing things (not necessarily saying that Sneako and the others are an example of this), some may do things out of a misunderstanding or a lack of awareness for what is bound to happen, some may do things that become unexpectedly bad or expect it to have a bad outcome but only in the short-term. Etc etc. And I state all of this because I believe that what you are defines you (which also sounds like a tautology) in the first place. Bad actions, I believe, are determined by their outcome. Bad people are defined by their intentions which CAN be manifested through action. Sorry for the long reply lmao
@@all_the_good_names_are_gon68 true though, because those people end up not being good underneath anyway. They talk as though they are virtuous, but talk is cheap.
So basically, men who have no respect, love or empathy towards women, don't care about those women's pleasure and overall enjoyment, only about their own? Color me every shade of shocked.
I am a gay dude and even i can find the happy button on a woman. One thing i learned is when your partner is satisfied, i am 10 times more satisfied. it makes me work harder for that.
I never understood sex for your own pleasure. If I want an orgasm I touch myself 😂. I want sex to be fun for both. Infact her pleasure makes sex more fun than masturbation.
@@Handler22134a I grew up in a time before sex ed was a thing before about grade 8 other than stranger danger stuff. Let alone anything about being gay at all. I just found my experiences to be vastly different to others around me. I didn't really have all the vocabulary to realize it until 12 or 13 years of age. And religious upbringing made things even worse. So i tried to be normal like everyone else which of course failed rather spectacularly. I found out the old fashioned way where the happy button is. I asked.
@@Handler22134a I'm enjoying this conversation going on here, and I'd just like to add my opinion as a woman: while the mechanics may vary from woman to woman, and even from one day to the next (sometimes I even have trouble with my own... "equipment", lol), I never understood the idea of "not being able to find the button, at all".
Do you know what "asexual" actually means? The term came from biology and it refers to a species that do not reproduce through sex, and those kinds of species are not very evolved. Trying not to state the obvious but homosapiens are not included in those species. You are trying to use this biological term as if to mean - people whose innate nature is not to have sex. But what kind if nature would that be? Biological, certainly not, they are biological homosapiens like everyone. Is it the nature of their souls? Well, you probably don't believe in souls so that would be contradictory to your thinking. Also, having to point out the obvious again, most of these guys are married and have children. How do you think these children came about?
@@lucasdarianschwendlervieir3714 i'm going to act as if you're commenting in good faith, because even if you aren't, there are people who are going to see this comment, click on it, and genuinely not know better. so, just a little information for you (or anyone who might be interested): you've made a common mistake. asexual has two different meanings, depending on whether it's used (as you've noted) to refer to reproduction, or if it's being used in the context of human sexuality. humans who are asexual don't experience sexual attraction (with some exceptions, depending on where they fall on the spectrum). a person being asexual doesn't have an "innate nature" to not have sex; they just don't typically look at someone and get horny for that specific person (usually---there's a lot of nuance i'm glossing over to save space. look it up if you're interested!). an asexual person can still have sex. an asexual person can still enjoy sex, and can still seek out sexual partners. you don't have to be attracted to someone to have sex with them. you don't even have to be attracted to someone to have GOOD sex with them. your sexuality determines who you are attracted to, not who you actually end up having sex with. many gay people have had sex outside of those they are attracted to. hell, many straight people have had sex outside of those they're attracted to. think of it like painting. some people use brushes, some use sponges, some use oil paints, some only use certain colors---but they're all still painting. the tools and techniques differ, but they are all still making art. clarification for those who need it: im talking about this in terms of CONSENSUAL sex. this metaphor does not apply to SA. SA is not art, and anyone who claims otherwise can fucking choke. also, i find the suggestion, intentional or not, that sex is some inherent human quality hilarious. whether you count it as a defining biological factor or an important spiritual one, you're overlooking the fact that every animal you can name off the top of your head has sex. a far more compelling example of humanity would, in my opinion, be the fact that our sex lives don't have to be driven by some "innate nature." we as individuals should be allowed to decide if we have sex, and who it'll be with if we do. our sexualities might be a factor in what that decision will be, but it's not the only one---we can have sex with someone because we trust them to share that experience with us, or because we want to make them feel good, or because we just want to have sex and they seem like they'd be fun to fuck. to use your terminology, the human soul isn't determined by our biology; it's made up of our experiences, values, and choices. also to address the original poster's comment: i don't think these men are asexual. i think they're selfish people for whom sex is a chore because they fail to account for how important a role EVERY partner's pleasure plays in a sexual encounter. humans are social creatures; when you come into an encounter, sexual or otherwise, concerned solely with your own benefit, of course it's not going to be as fun as it would be if you paid the same attention to your partner(s) that you want them to pay you. tl;dr: human sexuality doesn't determine who you have sex with. google is free if you want to learn more
Can you imagine accidentally telling the entire world that you've never made a woman aroused? That you've gone that far in life without ever turning a woman on? At the risk of TMI, if I can't learn how to make her flood her surroundings (either through dirty talk, certain behavior, certain aids, etc), I consider that a failure. If she's turned on enough to want to have sex already that's great, but discovering what makes her flood guarantees an extra great time.
For real. I prefer men with tenor voices rather than basses, but BS sounds like he just inhaled helium. The fact that he talks so fast makes the whole deal funnier.
@@QueertyUCR I agree! I have no idea how he ended up getting married. Can you imagine meeting him for the first time on a date and listening to that high squeaky voice and that rapid speech. I'd lose my mind! It would be a complete turn off.
Conservatives: *have chastity weddings for and become boyfriends to their children* Also conservatives: "A trans person living authentically is grooming my child!"
I have never heard of that shit before. Chastity weddings? Evangelicals are completely out there. What the actual fukx. The fear they carry in themselves... astounding...
@@AK-ih3hx It's genuinely freakish. I dunno who I pitty more; the ones who eventually get the fuck out of Dodge and have to live with the psychological damage, or the ones who internalise it and come to see nothing wrong with it.
yeah those chastity balls are like at least emotionally incestuous. purity culture is never about cis male purity but instead all about transference of ownership of daughters from father to husband
As an asexual woman, the people who've told me there "must be" something mentally, physically, etc. wrong with me have ALWAYS been conservative or right-leaning. There was a girl who had a crush on me in uni, but when she confessed her feelings to me and I told her I was asexual, she was so understanding. She said she respected my orientation and would never try anything unless I initiated it. I then told her I was flattered but uninterested in relationships and she respected that, too. She dropped it immediately and never brought it up again. I've had similar interactions with liberal guys. They get the hint and move on. I _cannot_ say the same thing for ANY of the conservative men who've asked me out. They push and push and push and then accuse me of being "broken".
It makes me very sad that this is a universal ace/aro experience :( I figured out my place on the ace spectrum and informed my then-boyfriend and he got so pissed at me for *him* having all these weird plans about our future one of those plans being making me a barefoot pregnant person who stays at home….. and I was very explicit with him early on with my status of being medically infertile (for my health and the future health of my child who would die in utero with me) and he had this fantasy anyway. I have a boyfriend now who gets all my identities even if he doesn’t share many of them, and supports me. I hope you find what you’re looking for in life and find happiness and healing along with it
I can understand that. As an asexual guy a lot of people on the more conservative end don't either believe me, or feel there is something wrong that needs addressed. These are intelligent, good people who will never understand that part of me. I never felt physical attraction, and the idea of sex does nothing for me, I've been dragged to clubs, given supplements, nothing "worked".
@@Genderanarchy that sounds like a really gross and weirdly specific fantasy, esp for him to have it about SOMEONE ELSE AND THEIR BODY. Just wow. I'm glad it's a then-boyfriend and not a now-boyfriend. Also im happy you figured out your place!! If you're with anyone in the future I hope it's someone who respects your decisions and self knowledge 💜💜
Conservatism seems to be, from my experience at least, synonymous with fragile masculinity and incredible levels of main character syndrome. That’s how your sexual preference is something that they take personally. Because they’re incapable of viewing you outside of the lens of your value to them or how your life impacts them personally in any given hypothetical scenario.
@@SpecialBlanket Yeah, you don't need empathy to learn how to be good at sex. It's just like any other skill, you can get good as long as you get enough practice and are willing to improve and make adjustments based on input from others. I don't have a lack of empathy, but I understand that there are many things that don't actually require as much empathy as most people think.
One of my sisters is a literal practicing ObGyn, when she heard about Benji's take on WAP, including his wife's medical advice, she reacted the same way as most people: she was disgusted and pitying towards Ben's wife who sounds like she's never been seriously aroused in her life.
If you want to be charitable to Ben (for whatever fn' ), I think his wife could be the one with a medical problem. Or she's asexual or not sexually attracted to Ben (just trying to invision Ben in a sexual manner makes my vagina shrivel up and crawl into itself). Where did she go to med school anyway if she spouts such nonsense. No offense but must've been a shyte med school.
Interestingly, I recently attended a talk by an ObGyn who said she didn't like WAP (the hyperbolic language it uses) and that it sets unrealistic standards that she thinks contribute to feelings of inadequacy she sees in patients. For her, it was kind of the opposite side of the same coin of repressing female pleasure. Maybe this is Ben's stopped clock moment?
Lol... as a female medical student, Ben asking his wife about WAP cracks me up everytime. Although, I can't decide if he really went to his wife or if he just did a quick google search and threw his wife out there for good measure.
Either way, accidentally telling the entire world that you've never turned on a woman is funny as hell. Trying to pass it off as a medical condition is just like extra rich icing on that pathetic cake.
@@KidTheFail Seriously. Not discovering those buttons that some (more than some might think) women have that just makes them flood themselves is a failure. Sex can be good, but finding those triggers or tones can make it great. If I can't find them for a given woman, I feel like I've failed. And he's out here accidentally bragging that he's not only never done it before, but actually thinks it's impossible. He's at least a dozen different types of pathetic, and this just makes that clear as day to everyone with any experience.
@RevShifty Don't be too hard on yourself. Sometimes, it's just not gonna happen no matter what you do. Especially if it's the first time with a new partner. It only gets more complicated if someone has certain medical issues. I've had pretty bad endometriosis since I was 14. Depending on certain biological factors, climax just isn't in the cards. But if my partner is satisfied, it's still a win in my book, as long as things haven't strayed into being physically painful. I've told this story to a few times, but it was my second or third really serious relationship. Everything was going well until I had an ovarian cyst (that I didn't know was there) rupture in the middle of things. All of a sudden, I just screamed bloody murder. Half an hour later, he literally picked me up off the bathroom floor, and we went to the ER. The poor guy was traumatized for over a week. The ER doc tried to explain that he hadn't done anything wrong. But I don't think much was getting through while I was still lying in a hospital bed with an IV, monitors, and heavy painkillers, putting me to sleep. I don't think the fact that the PA was a pregnant woman helped anything. I dragged him to a follow-up appointment with my reproductive endocrinologist and let them talk while I went down the hall for another ultrasound. Shit happens. Anyway, I feel awful for Ben's wife. Knowing how important Christianity is to them makes me wonder... and pray (ironically) that she hasn't had the same toxic beliefs surrounding sex that put me in therapy. The fact that some of the religious shaming I was taught still creeps up, despite having an extensive background in biology, just goes to show you how insidious it is.
@@KirstenMarie_MS3 I hope you're feeling better now. I had a friend who was prone to very bad ovarian cysts, so prone it was likely to become cancerous at some point. After a few years of regular crippling pain, three states, and 5+ doctors later, she finally found someone who would remove her ovaries. She never wanted kids anyway, but the sheer number of doctors who wouldn't do the procedure because she wouldn't be able to have children, despite her not wanting any and the recurring pain and the risk of tumors, was absurd. Female medical care seriously lags behind in the US, and it still puts breeding first, second, and third. I hope your problems aren't as severe as hers were, and you're doing better now. I should've been more clear; I want her flooding herself before sex even starts. The difference between good sex and great sex seems largely mental for most people, so I want to find those triggers, tones, scenarios, fantasies, etc to make that happen. An orgasm is usually the easy part by comparison, because with some women a simple tone of voice or look in the eye or suddenly grabbing a fistful of hair at the back of her head is all it takes. If you can get her keyed up enough that she wants it *now* at least one orgasm is almost a given. It's also kind of driven by need. I'm larger and thicker than average, and most women don't enjoy just having their cervix beaten up in my experience. It took me a while to put women doubling over in pain after sex yet still wanting more sex together, and I'm not into involuntary pain at all. So finding those buttons and triggers for women is one of the ways I've learned will hurt them the least, as well as keep sex fun, and make more risky sex doable in the first place. Like, I'm not ok with a quicky if it means she'll be holding her lower belly for a half hour afterwards. And if she enjoys riskier play (public, just being taken, etc), I have to know what those buttons are before I hurt her. Most women I've been with will just take the pain, because the idea of a man stopping if he knew he was hurting her is alien to them, and I'm not ok with that. So learning how to really turn them on and learning what signs to look out for (chasing her hips across the bed, watching her legs slowly shoot out behind us, etc) were both kind of integral to me learning how to enjoy sex and not worry about the pain (as much). Also, sorry if that's all TMI, I just wanted to be clear what I was referring to and why it's important to me.
this described it so well men say they’re into women yet they just hate us so much it’s so tiring and hard not to generalise with the amount of men who just hate women or don’t care at all about us
@Croissant Excuse me, could you explain why? What don't I know about her? (I mean, I don't know much about her, but also I couldn't find anything that would explain your response). If it's not too much trouble.
@@shrimpscampin yeah for the ego/social boost and elevating himself in the eyes of other men, as well as (and obviously I'm speculating about his internal motivations) playing into the hyper-masculine notion that emotionality and any potential dependence on women makes you weaker. You can't appear dependent on women for pleasure if you claim to not actually like sex that much
I recently started dating a girl for the first time in my life at the age of 23. When we started having sex I immediately started asking questions like “did you have an orgasm?” Because as a man i was never taught what the female orgasm even looks like nevertheless how to achieve it. But through communication with my partner I was able to give her pleasure that she had never experienced with a man. The saddest part was when I would ask her about these things she was shocked because she had multiple partners before who didn’t pay any attention to her ability to enjoy sex.
It's amazing what you can learn by actually talking to women you're with about sex. And always ask lesbian friends in the real world for hello if you need it; otherwise you get a bunch of clueless dorks who wouldn't know what real sex was like if you put a gun to their head.
@@milivojetomovic8914 nah this is common, if you want your partner to have an orgasm just to talk to them about their preferences, I know a lot of people who never experienced orgasms from sex because their partners would only focus on themselves
Protip: if you are a confident, well-spoken, and educated white cis woman, and you have a friend who is Black, brown, trans, or whatever, and they are having a hard time getting their doctor or a government office to listen to or help them, put on a blazer. Put on a nice, well-fitted blazer, over a quiet, well-chosen outfit of your own or some borrowed Good Clothes. Go with them to their next appointment or meeting. Watch in silent revulsion and contempt as, nine times out of ten, your friend gets something they have been exhausting themselves for for months. It. Is. DISGUSTING. I call it my Mrs. White Lady drag.
Thank you!!! It is Our reality!!! POC Women, Just Suffer More from all Oppressive systems. Logic. Not Victim... Reality. Your message is So Important, because we do need sincere support, when needed!!! But, as Women We Are Still ignored via Medical. How long did it take for Doctors to listen to women with w/breast implants having sickness that they never had until. Now, after ? Years, acknowledge it's Not in their Heads 🤯. We Women Have Battled that Since, Forever!!!
i'm so glad this video touches on the anxiety sex can create for women. by the time some gentle man comes along, the woman's ability to enjoy sex can already be totally ruined from prior sexual experiences. and those experiences can (and often do) happen in otherwise loving relationships. it's all really sad
As a cis hetero msn, I've actually run into a surprising number of women with this exact story. I say surprising, but the surprising part was more about context; they were telling me these things as someone they had mostly just met, but somehow felt safe around regardless. One even described her marriage as "the first safe place she felt she could recover in" after a run of really nasty relationships, because her husband was asexual. If a random nobody like me can hear these kinds of stories with any degree of regularity, than the sheer amount of women just keeping it all inside and making due the best ways they can has to be huge.
@@wilkinscoffee4228 so damn true. being ignorant is one thing, at least you're unaware of it, but being aware you're spewing nonsense and continuing to spew it? horrible person (regarding the concept, not sneako)
It’s truly pathetic to see someone champion themselves as having lots of sex, but are clearly NOT good at it bc they think it’s a chore and never understood how to make it nice for themselves and their partner
@@garenthal9638 There are a lot of asexual people that do in fact exist; we aren't programmed to want sex, but there is a strong genetic component to sexuality if that's what you mean... your comment doesn't make a lot of sense
@@crimson4066 I think he is pointing the absurdity of the claim of having lots of sex. If there is no pleasure and drive for it, why would someone keep doing it?
@@gunterthekaiser6190 Yes! Thank you for touching on that - he completely ignores the option of being ace. Everyone is on a spectrum - some people want a lot of sex and some don't care or it. But that's probably too "woke" for him to want to agree with
It was a common duty from my understanding, if you didn't find sex pleasing you may assumed that's just how sex is, like all those women who didn't know they were lesbians until they had sex with women and their mind went🤯
@@An-kw3ec Yeah, a lot of older literature betrays that it was a common belief among higher classes that sex was not meant for pleasure, just obligation to continue the family line. And they looked down upon the lower classes or upon other wealthy elites for getting pleasure from sex. Basically everything is always classism
I mean what can he do? He can't change his height or the tonality/deepness of his voice. Now, I do get wanting to destroy and slander your opponent in any and every way possible, including appearance. But as a super-tall woman who was called a dude too many times, I can't help but feel bad for him when he gets dragged for being the opposite (I was insulted for not conforming to traditional "female" appearance, e.g. shorter than most men and soft-spoken, he gets insulted for not being typically masculine enough). Sucks.
@@Li_Tobler What he can do is accept that we're going to make fun of him for not fitting into idealized gender roles for as long as he refuses to recognize the harm his toxic perpetuation of them does to society.
Wasn’t expecting to see asexual representation in this and was so happy to. Evie Lupine was saying stuff that resonated to a point that was almost painful-being made to feel less than human for being asexual. “You’re asexual? Nah, that’s not a thing, you just haven’t found the right one yet I’ll help you out there.” Shits scary.
It's just threatened corrective rape, the same shit that lesbians used to go through (I'm sure still do in some places but not as much anymore) I remember trying to explain this to an old therapist, who was a lesbian who refused to believe that ace people were a) queer or b) marginalized. She straight up just refused to believe it happens
@@namangoy Threatened corrective rape, that's exactly it. I've heard of something...it was called the oppression olympics, I believe. 'Because you and people like you haven't gone through my horrors yours don't matter as much and you don't belong here because you've actually had it pretty nice.' Everyone defines horror differently and just because someone deems your horror 'less horrifying' doesn't mean it wasn't horrifying.
@@farmermaggot5772 right&&that's usually the main argument thats used to invalidate us ace ppl in queer spaces because so many queer ppl define their queerness by their oppression, which I think is really unfortunate. I've def been discriminated against more for being a black, a women, and or sapphic, probably more than for being ace, but it doesn't negate how much my aphobia has had a negative impact on my sense of self worth. I'm not in the business of comparing oppression with gay folx, bi folx, trans folx, etc cuz its counterintuitive, but if I've had even one moment where I questioned if I was less than human just cuz I don't have as much of a sex drive, then I think asexuality is important enough to be acknowledged lol. I hope we get more safe spaces like this to talk about it
Sounds like the surviving mindset from a time period were women were not allowed to own property unless they were widowed... A woman was often seen as property of their father until she married and became the property of her husband.
@@Peregrina It's still pretty heavily implied in all Christian traditional weddings. The father leads the bride down the isle and hands her down to the husband (in the past, the husband actually paid up front with a dowry so it was literally a trade).
Purity balls. Unfortunately, they are still a thing. When I was an active Christian in the mid and late nineties, it was very popular for fathers to go to these things and "marry" their daughters. I thought it was creepy then, and I think it's really creepy now considering I have a daughter and would NEVER engage in such ridiculousness with her.
I’m so happy you made an ace advocate a key focus on this video. we HAVE to be included in these discussions more often to make real insightful change, and I’m so glad it’s finally happening 💕
thank you SO MUCH for including asexual voices in this discussion. i've seen a lot of people talking about how conservatives seem to hate having sex, but it's always done in a way that feels like it's distancing ace people from being sex-positive or sex-progressive, when really a lot of us have broken stereotypes you haven't even heard of. this video was awesome!
Seriously, yes. It's so wild knowing about the anti-sex culture and then coming out as ace and suddenly you're evil somehow??? Not human, a blue-baller, a snow queen, childish, prudish, physically or mentally "incorrect", even calling us incels and gaslighting us about having sex and being sexual as if we're all PRETENDING not to have attraction because we "can't get any"... and those are even the "real" problems... The pressure from family, the pressure from lovers, wondering if we even DESERVE to have relationships, worried that if we do find someone we love, that they will be hurt by us, or will not find us good enough, or will even hurt us. (Same but inverse for aromantic people worried about breaking people's hearts or being treated as shallow and predatory). It narrows the pool of people we're compatible with.... And if we're gay on top of that, it can seem impossible to find anyone... and if we're poly on top of that............... Is it even possible to be in a good relationship? That's the worry anyway. Lovely people are out there.
I'm obviously biased, because I'm asexual, but of the queer spaces I've been in, the ace and aro communities are easily the most sex and kink positive. Even the most sex repulsed/averse of us tend to have no tolerance for purity culture bs.
translation; a ridiculous asinine stereotype applied to an enemy political faction when your political faction is failing at families, municipality leadership and seeking to blame everyone else, but the system that Neo-liberalist values have created. VICTIMIZE VICTIMIZE, no accountability, failing upward then blaming a political party.
Yeah, there's no meaningful cishet men's culture of honestly discussing sex. You either get lying braggarts, or guys who clearly hate their partners complaining about how they "almost never have sex anymore" but aren't really open to actually hearing any advice on like, anything. Conversations about sex between guys quickly either turn into boasting (and likely untrue), or weirdly awkward, or just bitter. I think the most depressing thing is listening to these manosphere guys talk about how they "don't care about female pleasure" but then also go on about how miserable they clearly are and I think "fuckhead, the two might on some level be linked!" But they seem to literally think being aware of, and caring about the pleasure and happiness of a woman in their lives is somehow "unmanly" which is both ridiculous but also honestly, so tragically self sabotaging and neurotic I wouldn't even know where to start with them.
@@wh8787 I couldn't have said it any better. It's one of those things that never change. It happend in my parents generation, mine (Genx),.And now i see the same sad shitty attitude being sold on the internet as if it's something special. Either ' incels or alpha male (or whatever ). It's the same sad dudes with the same frustrations dressed up in fancy BS.
@@wh8787 Thank you . He told me this when i was a young teenager. And I noticed that being a ' gentleman' , ( meaning : keeping my sexlife private )made girls more interested in me . Meanwhile the 'alpha' -bla bla males ' spend their time in the pub telling each other stories about girls that didn't exists ...and then they went home alone. 😁
@@wh8787 it’s manly to provide. Not just money and protection, but pleasure in all aspects of life, not just sexual either. It should be seen among that community as the highest trophy. The issue is most these guys don’t actually provide the things they advertise. Most of them have an average job, are bad at fighting, are bad at pleasuring wife and have little wisdom to pass down. Hence the self loathing
The way i was expecting this to be a funny video but it turned into one of the most fascinating dissertations of intersectionailty in feminism absolutely floored me
I always thought the whole purity ring was supposed to stand for 'married to God', that would be controlling enough, but why the hell would you bring dads in like that 😭😭😭
Also, what you were saying about "as a white woman, your job is to have white babies" really resonated with me. My white supremacist brother is PISSED that my sister doesn't want to have kids because she just doesn't like kids, and I'm asexual and don't want to do the thing needed to make those oh so precious white babies AT ALL. He went on a tangent about how we're "part of the problem"; the "problem" being the White Replacement Theory that he's 100% bought into. Also, my white friend's brother got PISSED that she married a Mexican man and had mixed babies. Just disgusting. Like, why the hell does skin color and ethnicity matter so much to these people? It baffles me.
@@garenthal9638 source on that claim? Also to the OP, I hope you stay safe and honestly, you might wanna consider either an intervention for your brother or just cutting ties.
@@garenthal9638 we’ve been one of the few “melting pot” nations in history, we were arguably the first nation to practice religious tolerance, also one of the first to give the right to vote to everyone, is it really the surprising that people from all over the world, and all skin colors, would come here and stay? America would never have become a super power if we only allowed white people or only had white children, we just wouldn’t have the work force, if we’re being replaced than where is your replacement, where is mine? They haven’t taken my job or family or house, they’re still mine
Having designated someone who shares the genetics needed to make more of "their kind of human" then getting jealous when that person chooses someone else over them for even a platonic relationship and threatened when said person would rather be single than with them?
As a black woman we get the same thing from black men who subscribe to black manosphere, patriarchal, hotep talking points. They get mad when black women either choose not to have kids or date interracially. I’ve heard a man say “it’s your duty to produce more black babies”. Like sir get out my face. 😂
Having that clip being followed by the remark "Ben Shapiro is someone who has a voice that is capable of causing dryness in women more than anything" was golden. In all honesty, I think Ben Shapiro was pretty telling on himself there.
This is splitting hairs a bit, but he doesn't say enjoying sex, he says getting soaked, and you know to that end: If you've ever seen a video of a woman's lower extremities absolutely covered in sloshy, clearish-white slush, there is almost zero chance that _anyone else_ was involved, and I gotta say, I find that kinda sad.
As a lesbian woman the worst thing i could ever do is not make my girlfriend feel good. I have no idea how these men can ingore it so much! Every other wlw ive met feels the same way as me. I dont know why specifically striaght men miss the memo of how import the female orgasm is
Straight guy here... I can at least say for me personally, the sex ed i got in middle school never talked about the female orgasm, or female pleasure of any kind being involved in the equation at all... To the point that it was more or less implied (at least in my memory) that sex was only enjoyable for men; that women didn't really like it and they only did it out of obligation. I don't remember exactly how i learned that this wasn't the case at all, but i do remember it being a really big revelation to me at the time. Like "wait, you're telling me that they like it *too*? It definitely fucked up the way i looked at sex for a long time and i still sometimes struggle with it tbh.
Swear not all men are this way, not stroking my ego or any shit like that but I will happily do whatever for however long to make sure that sex is equally as enjoyable for my partner :))
Ironically I was literally at physiotherapy the other day for a "pelvic massage", but that's more to do with pelvic pain than relieving my sexual frustration 💀 Still relevant though, because the pain comes from anxiety around sex. It's something that's never talked about, but one study has showed that 7.5% of women experience pain during sex on an ongoing basis. The fear/shame/anxiety/trauma literally manifests in your body. Everyone has heard about erectile dysfunction, but most people have not heard of vaginismus, dyspareunia, and vulvodynia.
I also saw a physical therapist for my pelvic floor! Sexual pain is a big part of my life, unfortunately. It deeply impacts my loving relationship and is not talked about enough.
I also saw a physical therapist for my pelvic floor! Sexual pain is a big part of my life, unfortunately. It deeply impacts my loving relationship and is not talked about enough.
@@sepiajoy2871 You may be interested in the book I mentioned in my comment above, Vagina Problems, by Lara Parker. A journalist details her experiences, the treatments she's tried, etc. for her conditions that cause painful sex.
@@KD-ou2np I think that's what F.D. was implying in the video, yeah 😂 In the physiotherapy sense, it's about the pelvic floor which is the muscle group down there
“Sex is a chore” “I don’t care about a women’s orgasm” lol I would be strolling out of that date asap. Ofc they never portray themselves this way to women, they usually over-exaggerate their prowess and leave us disappointed lol. In my experience, the few conservatives I’ve dated (and never will again, btw) have been terrible at sex.
Have to hype yourself, even if youre good it'll never live up to the hype. "15 rounds with you" sounds way better than "3 rounds with you" id be busting dust after round 5 and catatonic by 6. You will never know how well you can get a girl off either, like maybe you can make a girl faint but another girl might not feel the fingers. It take multiple sessions to even figure out what a girl likes clearly especially if she has no idea. The worst thing is if she says she likes something and you find out that she didn't even like it from her friend that told you after she ghosted you, like thanks for saying that in the moment when it actually mattered. Whats the point in even asking if you like it if you aren't going to give correct feedback? Like "oh you're doing it wrong" "i dont like being on the bottom" "fingers felt better than your tongue" "tongue feels good" "stop" "keep going"
I hear someone say "sex is a chore" and I'm SO uninterested in having sex with them. I want to feel like my partner wants to be there! That they're turned on, they want to be touched, they want to touch me, etc.
@@fusionxtras LMAO speaking as a lesbian… bullshit. My partner is vocal with me because i’ve created an atmosphere where they feel comfortable and I consistently check in on how they’re feeling. What I promise I deliver. Ik they’re not disappointed with our sex life and neither am I. If your partner didn’t feel comfy talking to you either you didn’t make them feel safe or you gotta find another partner who is more mature.
@@fusionxtras one of my life goals is to be able to back up whatever shit talking I do, so if I say I can go 6 rounds in a night then i wanna prove it. If i say I'm gonna kick someone's ass I wanna have the fighting skills to back that up
Bro I’m not American and the black stereotype played a almost traumatizing role in my life. Women were straight up using me and it made me feel terrible.
@jpm199 bro being essentialized and treated like a sex object fucking sucks, if it's clear that a partner exclusively wants to think of you that way. Like in the bedroom racial fetishism may or may not be hot, but it needs to be from a basis of shared intrest and not sexual exploitation.
Yeah, the streotype sucks, especially when you don’t already fit into the idea of how a Black person "acts". You're reduced to this bestial, voracious, dangerous "thing" with no regard to your own feelings. Sometimes I wonder if me trying to express my sexuality means that I'm playing into those stereotypes.
I can get behind the idea that conservative men are bad at sex, but as a woman who has slept exclusively with liberal or leftist men, I can confidently say that liberal men suck at sex too! And they also most of the time do not care either. These attitudes are not exclusive to the right, even if they're more mainstream on the right. Liberal men will talk the talk, but most still aren't willing to be vulnerable enough to change their behavior. Sad truth is that men on both sides are affected by the patriarchy and these long-standing attitudes regarding sex.
Very true. Misogyny is pretty prevalent within both the left and the right. I don't think it's a political alignment problem. I think it's a misogyny problem.
Most men just suck at sex. It's always amazed me from conversations with guys about sex. They never have interest in the girl beyond her being attractive and what they gained from it. They don't peer review the ways girls do. Most of my friends thought I was weird for aiming to make a girl cum and ensuring she was satisfied. They also thought I was gay because I had so many female friends. It's a weird world. People just need to talk. And they do that less and less since social media and dating apps.
What I don't get about men who are bad at sex are is it's so easy. Just pay a bit of attention, ask a couple of questions. My biased experience is the women who are terrible at sex either lie back and think they have nothing, sex is something done to them is a message they've internalised (or maybe just lazy) to do or more commonly just have hang ups. Both being somewhat linked to wider negative attitudes and beliefs around sex and gender roles.
Even in a joking tone, that last point is so true: sex is a good thing that can be done for free. It’s no wonder that the people who hate it are the same people trying to monetize every part of us that makes us human
As someone who has struggled understanding my own asexuality, I really appreciate you having Evie here give her perspective. It really resonated with me, thank you and her for a great video!
Same! Love to see ace rep in a video about sex positivity, and to hear her talking about how a group that demonizes horny also *somehow* sucks for the people who don't wanna have sex...... 💜🤍🖤
The number of aces in the comment section reminds me of atheists on Bible research. Like we’re out here trying to understand why half of our fellow humans act so contrary to what we do?
@@hanfleming3465 Honestly I think the majority of us *aren't* sex repulsed. In terms of myself, I'm personally indifferent but support other consenting adults doing what they like, and my friends can talk to me about any aspect of their relationships, just as they would anyone else. I usually compare it to how I feel about strawberry ice cream in that I'm not grossed out by it, have no problem with it existing, am happy for others who enjoy strawberry ice cream etc - it's just something I could take or leave personally.
The alchemy of combining parasocial relationships with unfulfilled sexuality among creepy men produces some truly terrifying results. If I'm not mistaken, a bunch of Otaku dweebs in Japan at one point tried to PASS A LAW that legally forbade women who worked as voice actors in anime from dating or getting married. (No such requirement for the men, naturally.)
I'm so glad that I don't have the faintest clue who that woman or what the story there is. It either speaks to my being emotionally well adjusted with a totally different set of hobbies, or speaks to me not being online nearly enough to know who sent all those bitter dorks into a pathetic rage. Either way, I definitely feel better all of a sudden.
Can we get a source on this? Like I can totally believe that there's possibly a large enough group of weirdos to cause this, but that's an absolutely wild claim regardless
Disabled people I feel are also a unique group in this discussion, and even more so when disability intersects with race and queerness. We often aren’t seen as sexual beings and are left out of many lgbtq spaces. Sex education may not be offered to us at all and if it is does not acknowledge how our disability affects what we may or may not want to do in the bedroom. I also personally know and know of many disabled people who have turned to online sex work in recent years as their only option when unable to work traditional jobs and struggling to survive financially. Disability just adds an entire other dimension to this, even though conservatives often just ignore us cause they think we can’t be sexual cause we’re either too ill or too innocent.
I feel that disability only dds an entire other dimension to this for the disabled person, because for everyone else it subtracts all other dimensions from our personhood (especially any dimension that is linked to social interactions, even more so in relation to personal social relationships - doubly for sexually)! It seems like the capitalist societal structure is setup to dis-person the disabled, and even more so in conservative spaces and ideologies - primarily because to a capitalist disabled people are unprofitable, and to conservatives disabled people are a reminder that if they become fiscally unprofitable then society will no longer view them favourably!
As a queer autistic woman: Thank you so much for putting this into words. So much this. Its so isolating because we are really seen as disgusting for wanting to have sex
As a relatively abled person... I am quite scared of hurting someone because I don't understand their disability. Also, disability has been framed as something to be pitied so seeing a disabled person as a sexual being seems almost depraved. Even if someone isn't mentally disabled, it still feels like taking advantage of a physically disabled person. A few years ago, I was made aware that disabled people are often excluded from this very natural and necessary aspect of life. I think that not just disabled people but relatively abled people should be educated in safely (and respectfully) approaching sex with disabled people. This is, in my opinion, a tragic oversight when it comes to inclusion. We've done so much to recognize that disability doesn't mean possessed by Satan, but we still have a long way to go.
@@Hyzentley i wouldn't say disgusting. From my perspective, it's more like being accused of taking advantage of a disabled person. No one wants to say they're seeing an autistic person because it comes off as kinda r*py. Don't get me wrong, this is a very hurtful mentality and I completely agree that there needs to be better education about disability and not just dealing with sex. Most disabled adults are capable of making this decision and relatively abled people need to be better educated on how to approach it safely.
As a white woman from a very conservative Christian background with evangelical influences, this video is spot on about conservatism and sex. Sex was often presented as this act with mystical meaning, exclusively done for the man and to have children. There was no other meaning, particularly for women and sex outside of that norm. Thank you so much for addressing such a great topic
So many girls within the purity movement get married then struggle to reconcile the fact that sex has been taboo for all their lives, then a wedding ceremony later, they are suppose to throw all those ideas aside and become a sexpot. When your identity has been tied to your virginity, who are you once you start having sex?
@@conchobar You hit the nail right on the head. Even so much as having a passing sexual thought is often looked down upon, and those of us who were raised like that are expected to immediately do a 180 on our views on sex once the ceremony is over? It feels so contradictory and just makes for some really unhealthy ways to deal with one’s sexuality.
@@conchobar Even worst is how the dogmas contradict each others. A girl should be kept as far away from sex Ed as possible but one she is married its her duty to please her husband? How the hell will she know how to do that, ask Jesus?
@@djgroopz4952 Definitely influenced by both the sort of family I grew up in and the specific religion. I definitely think there’s a healthier way to practice religion than the way I was raised, but with the religious attitudes I was describing in my original comment, the attitudes were linked to very adamantly held religious beliefs as part of a larger religious system.
The bit about so many womens FIRST sexual experience being assault or non consensual to one degree or another unfortunately resonates as too true, i was thinking about this fact just the other day and about how many women or femme presenting people probably have a bunch of experiences in that "grey area" of consent and how we think of these as in a grey area because we minimize these things largely thanks to the narratives that are pushed about how its our duty, how its our fault how we lead someone on so we have to follow through and so on and so on
@@naglfar6305 yes because one group not consenting to sex is definitely not rape and is for sure on them. just like with all those catholic priests - they aren't horrible, those kids were in on it too! ...yeah no, that logic doesn't work bud. even if people dress 'scandalous', that's not an invitation to fuck them. you know what IS an invitation? consent. consent is the sexiest thing out there, too. maybe you should see women as people instead of property for pleasure.
@@w_7337 everyman for himself/herself, there are ways for women to protect themselves too. No one would pity me if I got mugged because I wore an expensive ring to the hood and the same applies with women - don't wanna get graped? Do better and dress better
As a gay man the part of ur video where the sex therapist said that we often try to fit to the stereotypes rly resonated with me. I tried for a long time to be a hyper sexual being cause "that's what gay men r" and it rly didn't work for me, I like using sex to connect to ppl not just for pleasure, in other words I felt heard
I think this is the first time I've seen a video essay about sex and sexuality in general that actually included voices from the kink and ace communities. Thank you for that!
The fact that it can be dangerous to even bring up female pleasure with a het cis man is so real! When I was younger, a friend told me that she was honest with men when they did not please her and it BLEW my mind. I have NEVER felt safe being intimate with men and, I’m sure many women will agree, that is a huge contributing factor in our ability to enjoy het sex.
If you feel unsafe with a man due to his reaction if he doesn't satisfy you, please, leave him. This is unhealthy. In a healthy relationship, you can tell your partner that you didn't feel pleased and talk about what would satisfy you. Guys are generally very happy to have directions and guidance on how to please their woman, they got a feeling of accomplishment through that. Sex is about communication and to create a link between each other :)
@@lauraviseniya5930 I’m assuming you don’t mean to condescend and were trying to offer guidance, I appreciate that. But my issue isn’t an inability to identify healthy relationships, it’s how men treat women in our society. I’m happy this has been your experience, that guys have generally been open and happy to receive critique, but it has not been mine. In my 42 years I’ve been met with ego, anger, mental, physical, and/or s*xual violence the majority of the time dealing with men and I’m not alone in this being my experience. It is deeply ingrained in our society.
@@AmyWhitehouseVlog Thank you, this was a will of guidance on my part, indeed, being it for you or someone who is reading your comment and not as good as you at recognizing healthy or unhealthy dynamics. There are a lot of garbage men out there and they can give the impression that they take all the space. This also seemed important to me to give a reminder that protective, caring and sharing men still exist (and that is what a normal man comfortable in his masculinity should be). Let's say they are not some unicorn lost in space lol Your experience is valid and I understand where you are coming from. What you lived was not fair and I sympathize. I had both good and bad experiences with men, so I get your point and wanted to share what I learnt from them. I agree with you on the societal problem. There is not enough punishment for actions coming from toxic men and I think that as women, our education sometimes goes against us by making us way too soft and compliant with certain types of behaviors. From my experience, listening to our gut, putting firm boundaries and standing our ground when needed is good to avoid abusive people.
I think at its core it's because guys tend to have these firmly held beliefs especially with sex and when someone shatters them it's like you turn their world upside down. I think ultimately if you tell a guy that they're doing something wrong and to maybe do it differently you're not only doing yourself a favor, but you're doing them a favor too because you're bursting their bubble. I dont think anybody is expecting every single man to be a modern day Casanova (especially because it's not like theres a single right answer for what everyone likes during sex) but maybe if they learn to listen more to their partner and try different things it will ultimately be better for everyone
Please don't tell me you're saying you've been sleeping with men you don't even feel safe around, because wtf, that's seriously not normal even for straight people
I want to thank you for the "White Women for Some Reason" segment. It's always been hard to deal with the reality of my privilege and the reality of the violence I have faced and this has helped recontextualized things and it was very compassionate.
He is manipulating you. Why are you so naive? You think this honest black men has come to save you from the evil misogynistic white men as if man of colour are.immune to misogyny? And he lied about the emet till part. He wasnt falsely accused.
Absolutely. It's kind of a weird thing where white women have been (And often still are) seen as a commodity, but a valuable commodity for the ability to produce heirs (And heirs of your own race) and be a passive pleasure and status item for their men. And that value does give us privilege, even if it doesn't always feel like it does - We're valuable, and we can wield that value against people who are viewed as... well, less valuable commodities. Even 'protecting (our) women and children' is often a possessive talk of protecting your property, and white women can exercise that little boost, however passive or actively, to place other people deliberately below us. That alone does give us privilege aside from our whiteness that some will often cling to despite it being specifically from being seen as property and status symbols, and will also be picked up on by young (Again, often white) men who see it only as power that is being used against them and decide that it means that women are actually the ones with all the power and they in fact need to wrest it back.
That segment definitely pointed out some things about my sexual history I had not realized. I didn't realize how, even as a teen, I "repurposed" unwanted sexual attention into something that made me feel "rewarded", and how I was able to do that as a white girl. I'm attracted to them, but men aren't really even my preference, but it was so ingrained in my head that submissiveness, willingness to please, and playing coy or innocent was the "pure" way to be sexual. I'm still unlearning that. There's an additional factor where, at least with my upbringing, expressing my desires for *anything* was wrong. Silent, submissive, agreeable. The segment was good, but it made me feel sick. Which I feel silly for?
I have seen the worst types of True Crime and heard harrowing stories of human cruelty, but that clip explaining the very real practice of fathers being their daughters boyfriends until marriage induces a deep guttural fear & disgust within me that I cannot describe. Jail time & the death penalty are too soft of punishments for men like these.
I got out of a cultish conservative family and am kinda watching from outside of it. And man, it’s crazy seeing just how miserable everyone actually is. I wanted to die 24/7 but now that I’m expressing who I am I’m so much better. The fact they hate me for it feels like validation now, like I really did it, I got away from that. Also I have a huge chonk cat named little kitty, ok bye
I'm a cis bi white man engaged to a Latina woman and one of our favorite things to do is not so much the sex (though we absolutely love that XD.) It's the cuddling afterwards. We just love to feel each others skin and just hold each other. Just touching and feeling your partners skin on yours after sex is genuinely life changing.
My experience with sex work as a black trans woman was always that I got a lot of black men who would never admit to liking me but fell over themselves to try and impress me so I'd give them free shows. Being unattracted to men made this a tedious exercise. The other half were white men who operated under the assumption that I wanted to engage in raceplay of some sort and shit would get hella racist super fast. Despite being a domina raceplay was always a big no but that didn't stop me from getting 50 requests every shift. The part that always got me is that at the end of the day to these people we're not someone's daughter, or mother, or aunt. The likelihood of encountering us in any other context is slim to nothing outside of this we're a theoretical concept. We're just an exotic creature that exists to get their rocks off and nothing beyond that. No guilt and as long as it doesn't get out they're golden. And it was always the most uptight dudes that wanted the kinkiest shit.
And yet sadly women keep having sex with them and they will keep doing this. As long as women are willing to sell their bodies to men, we are always going to see them as commodities. Same as aslong as men work for a boss women will always see him as a worker/ commodity they can evaluate based on cash and can be bossed around.
@@lifeunderthestarstv Not all forms of sex work equal sleeping with their clients, nor involve giving access to our bodies to said clients. Mine at most generally had the bare minimum of nudity. Many clients show up for the illusion you're their romantic partner or a pseudo therapist. However a majority are there to get their rocks off via whatever services you offer, mine generally involved bossing them around and inflicting (consensual) pain on them. Many clients didn't bother reading before soliciting my services hence the issues. It's hardly just women who are sex workers as men are employed in that industry as well. If individuals who seek our services can't be assed to be respectful it's more a character flaw on the part of the client, not the worker.
As a white queer woman, the section on white women hit hard. One of the weird privilege/oppression that white women have is that reporting sexual harassment or assault perpetrated by a white man will probably result in people blaming you, calling you a slut, and end up elevating the man as a victim…but a white woman making those same reports about a black man are likely to result in the blank man being seen as a predator, and potentially lynched. As a college student I was repeatedly sexually harassed by an older black man who had key access to our dorms…trying to weigh how unsafe I felt vs. what I wanted to happen (having someone in authority tell him to stop) vs. the potential worst case outcomes was a really sobering experience in the intersection of white privilege & misogyny & how much power I have in some ways & lack in others.
I don’t think you’re rude. I wouldn’t say “always” in any of these cases, but I do think that a white woman accusing a black man is more likely to result in than man being demonized than if any woman accuses a white man. Obviously, class, money, social status and other factors play a role, but there are too many people who buy into the idea that black or brown men are out there raping white women. When someone like Trump calls all Mexicans rapists, he’s very much implying they’re a danger to white women, not women in general. Not that he actually cares about women or rape, but a lot of the people listening to him do, or they do if it fits in to their racial biases. But this is just my experience and I’m not any kind of expert or authority.
@laurakiser6549 As a discerning human being, your college education has perfectly prepared you to over analyze a simple, uncomfortable social situation using postmodern language that has no application in the real world or for personal action/ safety in the real world. I don’t even need to know you to know you have one or two useless non-STEM degrees. If you spend that much time thinking about how to be racist in a whole new way you must not have a real degree
@@voltaire372I find it interesting and incredibly concerning that you feel the need to tell someone how they should have acted and what's wrong with them in a Case of SA. A simple: "I'm sorry you had to go through that" would have been fine...
I've had to choose between being assaulted or calling the cops and possibly being involved in the murder of a man. I eventually got scared enough and was relieved with among the cops was a black man and a woman, who proceeded the handle things well... But the last thing a victim needs is wondering what will be done without their consent when considering help.
I had a sugar daddy who was a Trumper. I am also a sex worker, and I can say without a doubt, right winged clients are TRASH at sex and intimacy. I’ve had some important government clients who are repeat…on the right and left. The ones in the right are horrible. It’s sad and annoying
Right this I'm not A sex worker but I do get around, and they hate showing any affection until it's time to snuggle up and they are so insecure about themselves.
Realizing pleasure is simply living in my body was a break through for me. Being in my body especially sexually/ arrousal was so triggering and uncomfortable. It felt impossible and intimidating to ever see myself on the other side of trauma responses. Thinking of pleasure in a more nuanced way was a game changer. Pleasure without a sexual component was do-able. Sensual experiences like getting a pedicure or washing my face or feeling the sun or brushing hair can be intensely pleasurable. They feel great! Starting there and simply experiencing moments of joy and sensuality by being fully present in your body is super powerful. Work up to sexual pleasure if there are obstacles you're processing. You can still experience pleasure and sustained body-mind-spirit connection and nonjudgemental noticing. We got this 🦋
I have just realized this in the past two years. I am learning so much about myself. I’m widowed and have been working hard to process that grief along with all the rest. It is so freeing to really let go. I’m getting there.
I've been struggling with my feeling disconnected and uncomfortable in my body so thank you for this comment bc I think doing those things will help me!! You made my day man 💜
I also think the stereotyping of black fellows as aggressive lovers sucks. It deprives individuals of their personality and humanity. I know this is not exactly a hot take, but I'm tired of that shit. Can we just do the work necessary to start treating people like people?
It's absolutely disgusting how black men are viewed as the "Alphas" of the races. Black = aggressive and top dog in many peoples eyes. So many people fetishize them to be that dominant aggressive personality in bed. Their considered the ones you cheat with for a "wild awakening" through sexual prowess of what you may be missing in a white relationship. Though they aren't considered as an actual partner in comparison. It's gross.
i didn’t successfully orgasm until i was 22. i thought there was something wrong with me. it took my friend saying it doesn’t have to be a rush and i don’t have to compete with other people’s experiences to make me feel comfortable enough to explore and figure myself out. now i know myself better and have gained a lot more confidence ❤
The way conservative fathers treat the people dating their sons vs daughters is really telling in all of this. Little interest is shown in the son's partners (unless they're especially attractive, in which case there's a sense of pride about it (ew)). But when it comes to the daughter's partners, there's an interrogation. "What are your intentions with my daughter?", etc. The striking thing isn't just the impulse to control access to sex+women, but its admitting: "I'd like my daughter to be treated better than most men would." I would go further, they're tacitly saying: "I want someone for my daughter that would treat her better than I treat women."
Yeah right. Let that white or Jewish boy try to take a black girl to the prom. Fathers are less worried about the physical safety of their sons, but they absolutely care about other aspects of their sons dating lives.
@@conchobar Hence the "(unless they're especially unattractive, in which case there's a sense of pride about it)" line. Those parents aren't worried about their sons safety if they date someone outside of their culture, they're worried about the social implications and possible "tarnishing" of their reputation.
I completely agree. It still upsets me all the sexual little comments my father-in-law would make to me. I truly viewed him as my second father. What a wake up call. :(
Love the ace rep! (also love Evie) Honestly, she touched on it but the conservative reaction to asexuals is truly enlightening on the control element. People hide behind the bad excuses that it's "gross" or a sin to "justify" their hate on gay sex or kink but then you ask them why they hate asexuals, people who just aren't sexually attracted to either men or women and are associated with less sexual intercourse (big asterisk, there are sexually active ace people obviously), and they lose their minds. It's not a sin to be abstinent or chaste, it's actually a virtue by their standards, so you would think they couldn't go for that angle. And yet, they will twist it to still be a sin to justify their dislike because you aren't doing the good lord's work having sweet little white babies. It's exhausting. Just let people exist how they want in the privacy of their interpersonal relationships.
@@glupik1234 Oscar Wilde never said that? Damn, this is like the Einstein Effect, where anything remotely sagacious (even superficially so) is attributed to some great thinker (who is almost always dead so she/he can't correct the record).
@@feynmanschwingere_mc2270 could be. I really don't know... I saw this as an Oscar Wild quote, it made sense to me at the time. I should have verified if this was really his quote... but I didn't.
@@SilortheBlade “most” it’s like 4 and they all get their money from colonialism or neocolonialism also the usa isn’t the only evil western country or even a uniquely evil western country
@@alexwiant9426All you did with your reply is confirm their comment. Why even bother typing that stuff out like it's an argument. You got America on the brain bro, get that checked out.
A common misconception about The Handmaids Tale is that it is dystopian fantasy. Everything in it happened historically and was included intentionally as a reference to history, and the author frequently has to remind people of that.
I can't help but having a visceral reaction to it being considered dystopian fantasy. You're right imo in this observation. I couldn't watch it. Just knew there were scenes were disturbing to me. And I wouldn't be able to handle a discussion where someone tries to make the case that it points out a specific type of conservative longing. Like they can't comprehend how inhumane it is. Almost seems like reproductive law and oppression towards queer, POC and other marginalized groups is setting up for that dystopian future. Almost like uncreative inertia.
Yeah it would have been problematic if she wrote about black pain(like so many white authors do in historic retelling). But like Robin D'Angelo it's kind of problematic that it wasn't on anyone's radar until the book was a popular TV show, like it's not a criticism of the handmaid's tale but more of who gets to prioritize what goes mainstream
@C•rla æ This 👆🏾 We studied the book at A Level (too long-winded a qualification to express to anyone outside of the Uk, but I was 17) and it discusses chastity culture, rape culture, fertility rites, and so many things directly looking at other conservative culture around the world. The baby's first eugenics framing in the book caught me off guard but what a thing to discuss in your late teens in a classroom.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but basically everything that happens to the Handmaids is actually still occurring to a woman somewhere in the world right now. Not just historically.
As someone who grew up in a VERY right wing/conservative/christian community, the self-reported study where righties said they were having better sex does track with how people in that community talked about their sex life/marriage PUBLICLY + how they wanted to be viewed in society (waiting til marriage = better sex according to them, so they could never admit that it was bad once they started having it LOL). However, when speaking privately to close friends without fear of judgment....usually those same people were having a terrible time and their sex life was miserable. Putting up a front of perfection is a full time job and that community is real good at it.
Would sort of explain why my parents had horrible sex life and why my mom could not please my dad due to her being very prude towards sex and my dad being a bit of playboy back then. They both are protestant christian and they always seem to not be very good at communicating each other and fight any time for minor diferences or disagreements they have. I barely see them in bed together and have any healthy sexual relationship. The only thing they did well was using condom and some Sex Ed to avoid unwanted pregnancies. I really do not envy that type of relationships at all nor desire that to myself being contrained because of your past traumas leading to be stranded to a person you never really love and stay on that marriage because of not wanting to hurt your child and to keep the traditions and your own image safe towards the church and fear Yahweh wrath be upon them because they divorce each other. Some of their behaviors has harmed me and influenced on relationships that I fear to be vulnerable to other or potentially be stranded on a relationship with person I never love and be living double life lying to myself and others . I do love them because they did care for me and tried helping me when I needed even with my conditions and health. But I wish on that aspect they were more healthy that they knew how to expressed each other without yelling each other or be trap to a marriage they are not clearly happy.I do not think that is healthy at all.
Note: I’m only 2o minutes into this video, but I wanted to share this. Very early on in my sexual development (I was 21 with my first sexual partner but still very ignorant about a lot of things), I faked an orgasm during intercorse. This was the only time I did this and he could tell I faked it. We discussed it and why I felt like I needed to fake satisfaction. He told me how important my participation in our sexual activities were and that I shouldn’t ever feel like I “had to” orgasm
I can really empathize with this because me and my first partner have had a very similar conversation (though I was the giver). There was (and in many ways still is) a part of me that wants to make my partner orgasm to a fault (I sometimes tie it a bit too much to personal ego). But when the result is faked, especially when it isn’t really clear to the giver, it can be really confusing because you get the wrong feedback. You can’t become a better partner if you aren’t getting the right information but if you or society pushes too hard for a certain our outcome getting lied to is almost inevitable.
i'm so glad that you included asexual voices in this! it genuinely sucks how much people, even on the left, tend to forget about our existence. They portray sex as an inherent part of human condition, as if without it you aren't really a person. for me and many others the most satisfying sex life is when there is none, and it's okay
I honestly wonder how much of the exclusion is secretly jealousy. But maybe I'm alone in this. I've wanted to be ace my entire life, to the point of essentially trying to convert to being ace (any time I'd have sexual thoughts or feelings, I'd punish myself, sometimes to a dangerous level). It's not even religious trauma or something, I was raised atheist and still am. I still feel deeply wrong, my brain literally considers being attracted to someone as nearly as bad as actually raping them, because they're not consenting to being viewed that way. (which is ironic because I'm a sexual abuse victim/survivor myself- this was after my attempts to be ace started so that's not where it comes from- and don't mind at all if someone else sexualises me so long as they don't touch without consent. And like, I don't even give someone a shoulder pat without consent, even WITH consent I doubt I'd even have the guts to "go there" at this point, and there's literally 0 appeal in an unwilling partner, so I'm certainly not afraid of actually assaulting someone, I know I'd never even consider it) In my case I think it mostly is because I never had an opportunity to express it. I started puberty young, sex ed consisted of The Talk™ from my mom exclusively and she certainly wasn't going to tell her 10 year old that it's okay to have sex, and I've been socially isolated my entire life so I've never had a partner. I'm also gay which means the only times I have heard my preferences addressed, it's been negatively, because my family despite being accepting they just don't talk about sex. My point in all this is that I wonder if denial of sexual opportunity (because of homophobia or just struggling to meet anyone who's even potentially compatible) leads to jealousy which leads to denial. Basically overcorrecting for that shame and disregarding that there's those lucky people who get to avoid being tortured with this constant starvation of sorts (I've felt food starvation as well and to me personally it's actually LESS painful)
@@vaughnhaney7020I'm gay and when i first realized I often had this shame of being attracted to a guy who might be straight and not like it, even if it was just in my head and not visible in any way. At that point i didn't wish to be ace but i did suppress having such thoughts. Maybe there's some sort of connection here? For me what helped most i think was talking to other gay people online in a non sexual setting (like not on a dating app)
@@tomlxyz Yeah I definitely feel that. Though, even if I know someone's gay too, I still feel the same haha Currently I'm struggling because I've made a male friend in person (not online) for the first time in my life. I'm not even into him or anything but I'm terrified to come out because it might make him uncomfortable. It's very clear he thinks I'm straight and it's really awkward how he assumes I'm also looking for a girlfriend (like when we talk about clothes and hairstyles etc and he talks about what seems to get more attention from women and advises me based on that) Online I know a ton of lesbians, bi women, ofc LOTS of ace people (if it weren't for the statistics saying otherwise I'd think they were actually the majority considering it's every other person I meet) etc, but I've never had a platonic gay male friend. In fact I've only had two online male friends at all, one is trans and bi-acespec (he seems mildly sex repulsed so we've never talked about our experiences beyond stating labels), the other one was very brief and definitely not platonic (he initiated, stayed fully online though) Ngl I feel very alone and broken... I'm at the point now where I'm heavily considering going back into the closet and pretending to be straight and ace, because I get along with women REALLY well (people tend to think I'm dating my platonic female friends anyway), and that way I wouldn't have to force myself to do anything physical lol. I swear gay men are just ridiculously rare in both the online and in person areas I'm in, so I know finding even just a friend is astronomically rare, let alone a partner
Great video, saw it when it originally came out. I think one of the problems with how men often approach sex, is that they perform sex for other men, rather than have sex for their own pleasure or their partners.
Hella gay. But seriously, needing to perform and adhere to outdated gender expectations cause men to develop toxic masculinity and that's ultimately hurting themselves. Can't even enough sex once you finally get it.
This is a really educational way for F.D. to flex that he knows how to fuck. For real, though, this is such an important conversation. The amount of ingrained sexual misinformation and objection to education is such a huge issue, and the largely conservative leaning push behind the absolute refusal to make improvements is rough. Growing up in the South and surrounded by this exact kind of conservative thought and religious repression, I can't even count the number of people who experienced any number of horrible experiences, fucked up mental health, and a number of other wildly negative outcomes almost invariably sourced directly to this refusal of sex and sexuality. Another incredible video, glad to see F.D. talking about it and doing the usual of bringing in a variety of voices to speak on it. Love seeing these conversations happening.
Omg I completely agree. I also grew up (and still live in) The South and the amount of time it took me to accept my transness and being bi is ridiculous. Even when I realized as a teen I felt sick to my stomach even thinking about mentioning it someone b/c of the stigma, and all the rejection and shame around things has definitely shaped my romantic relationships in the past and feelings about sex until v recently
Right? Like they can and will fuck other women before and after the 90 days. I mean there are women that wait until marriage and are cheated on. I thought we understood that we can lead a horse to water, but cannot make them drink for it. The idea that if we hyper control/police ourselves enough we can somehow control what other people do is just nonsensical.
My sister has always practiced this and always ends up with those same lame dudes - and we've talked a bit abt it, they're not good in bed either, they're selfish/dont care. It's true that waiting a bit can sometimes scare off some of the worst of the worst, but I agree with you. It doesn't really matter at all whatever you choose to do. If a man intends to mess around he will, regardless of your feelings or intentions. For me, I'm interested in compatibility, physically and emotionally. I don't want to wait ages and get emotionally attached then discover that the guy is not serious, physically incompatible in some way, or as you say, he goes away fooling around with other women. Been there done that. So my rule is "when it feels right for me". Tldr - men don't hold themselves to this arbitrary waiting nonsense bc it's just made up purity crap for women to stress about.
It's honestly insane how much true comprehensive sexual education can help you. I grew up in a small conservative Texas town and had all of these negative preconceptions absolutely drilled into my brain. I got away from it a few years ago and now I'm bisexual and polyamorous, with a loving partner and a level of confidence physically, emotionally, and intimately ingrained into me now. It's insane p
Born in 85 I grew up in the era where eating 🐱 was a sin! Even in the music at that time, Cash Money said, “I love sex but I ain’t licking.” I was 20/21 before I started eating 🐱 and I love it ♥️ like I am mad at myself for not doing this earlier! Fast forward to today and I’m experimenting and becoming comfortable with butt play. But I’m still battling that same male masculine ideology that used to say eating 🐱 is gay and continues to look down on masculine men who like butt play. It’s a weird dichotomy of being a man because you follow the unwritten rules of masculinity and being man because you do what you want and stand on it. I lean more towards the latter but I constantly battle with the former because I still want to feel like I belong somewhere. Thank you for this video, long time viewer fist time commenter. Now I’m about to go eat some 🐱 and tell my girlfriend to play with my booty.
I am a bisexual white man. Parts of this video made me very uncomfortable... Thank you for leading me to question a few of my implicit, unconscious assumptions. I have some thinking to do.
Thank you so much for including an asexual perspective in this video. Often the perception is that purity culture is ideal for aces; it’s so refreshing to see an allo person acknowledging that it harms us too
Seconding this. Thanks, F.D. It felt so refreshing to hear Evie and realize she was representing the ace perspective more than the kink! (I was listening while doing something in another tab.) As she said, we're often thought of or treated as less than human by those who are invested in the patriarchy. You'd think those outwardly uptight, puritanical hypocrites might at least rank _people who don't/rarely have sex_ a notch higher than, say, _people who have sex with their barely/not quite legal cousin_ on their moral scale, for example, but nope. They are truly nonsensical.
Seconded. I'm acespec, and even before I learned the word for what I was, the people I grew up with considered me weird and usually assumed I was secretly into the wildest acts they could imagine ... so they treated me accordingly. Eventually I was put out of the church for "failing" to marry. I had literally done nothing wrong that they could point to in the Bible ... and I still wasn't "pure" enough.
I grew up in purity culture, and so I didn't realize that I was ace until I was 34, married, with two kids. As an AFAB person, the fact that I was asexual, but alloromantic and sex-neutral basically meant that I fit the "ideal" of what fundamentalist evangelicals think a woman should be. So I didn't realize I was something other than cis-straight for quite a long time. My husband is actually great (he wasn't raised in the church and we have since left it), and I don't regret marrying and having kids, because I think I would have wanted to do those things regardless (many asexuals do desire relationships and children, and any way of being ace is valid). But I really would have liked to not have to go through a sexual identity crisis in my mid-30s while in charge of two young kids during a pandemic! TBH, I'm still trying to figure myself out, and what my sexuality means to my relationship with my spouse (aka, what I actually want, vs what culture expects me to want, whether that is conservatism or sex-positive feminism, etc). So many people are harmed by the rampant disregard and deletion of the many different ways to be human. It's hard to figure out who you are if the voices of all the other people like you have been silenced so that you don't even know they exist!
It's the deep eye contact with the camera followed by "it's that they want bad s3x for everyone" that got me. Soaked in this essay and will sit with it for awhile. Equal parts comedy, horror, and energizing. Thanks for inviting CJ The X to participate - big fan of them. :) Resonated with their take on how our conservative archetypes are a horrible perversion of Christian ideals. I grew up in a conservative rural town and so much fear and shame was injected into Christian thinking & teaching of sexuality. My particular strain of Christian is the Lutheran kind and those folks are RESERVED. I didn't even heard (from parents, family, friends) about pleasure WITHIN marriage, and especially not from a feminine perspective. Thus, my maturing body generated deep curiosity and shame. I feared and loathed those desires as much as I CRAVED to fully inhabit my changing body. Ya girl was confused for a long time. And the unfortunate outcome of that kind of environment (lack of communication about sexuality and pleasure and CONSENT because it's inherently sinful unless my female body is owned and turned into a production center) meant that my first encounters with men were skewed. Power dynamics were warped, my understanding of what a sexual encounter or relationship was life was wildly one-sided, and I had a sense of "this is what I owe a man, a boyfriend, etc." All these behaviors were learned as a pre-teen. And the fact that conservatives protect THOSE teachings and yet weaponize the existence of LGBTQIA+ people is a calculated act of cruelty.
@@ihanakaunotar2741 Welcome to America, friend. Take most things liberal anywhere else and we will find a way to make it more restrictive. I would say that Lutherans (in my experience which is limited) is more liberal than other sects of Christianity but it does vary. We had a schism within our Luthern church because 1 faction did not want women leaders in the church and did not support LGBTQIA community.
Still never gonna recover from one of my man friends telling me that the reason I never got offered a drink or got hit on at the bar (I had been telling him about feeling unattractive because I had never experienced this supposed common happening in the dating sphere) was because I looked like I had high standards and knew what I wanted. And I stared at him like "yeah, and?" and his only reply was that it was scary and intimidating. To think that just the perception that I'd have my own demands (spoiler, at the time I would've caved for a hand on the thigh, the bar was low) was enough to drive men away still blows my mind. Now I both know what I like and have a partner who LOVES when I get 'greedy' with my wants. This is a fully consensual term btw, it's sort of our code word for when we can have a solid romp, be dead tired, and still want more if the other is game.🤣
I had a very similar experience. My friend and I were joking to her BF that we never got hit on while our other friend always was. He looked at us like we were crazy and said “yeah, because you come off as really confident and no nonsense. Your friend comes of like a wounded antelope”. He was totally serious and was surprised that we didn’t understand how intimidating we were.
It isn't just about how confident a woman looks, it's also about how available a woman looks. If she looks so confident and comfortable that he assumes that she already has a boyfriend, then he will look past her. He doesn't want to waste his time flirting with a woman if he thinks there is a 100% chance that she will reject him.
I once did an informal study amongst people I know asking them why I rarely got hit on, and was told the exact same thing. One of my favourite responses was from a guy I met at a party , and I explained my question (Q: people tell me that I’m physically attractive, but people basically never hit on me? Why do you think this is?) And you said point blank “it’s because you seem like you respect yourself.” I think the real problem here is the notion that a person respects themselves who is assumed to be a woman (I’m nonbinary) is a reason to never try and sleep with them? Basically they’re literally admitting that they are actively seek partners who they think they can control or intimidate . Disgusting.
Watching Sneako respond to that sincere compliment almost broke my heart. The fact that young men don't get compliments often is so depressing. I love all your videos, FD, especially where your editing puts these issues in highlight so the viewer sees these concepts without hand-feeding it to us.
Idk, there seems to be a narrow group of men who don’t get compliments and they tend to be online complaining about their lives. I don’t see married men and men in long term relationships saying so. Online I see single men, men jaded by broken marriages, and men unable to have successful relationships with women (incels), and rich/acclaimed men who only get attention by women for their wealth or achievement and not their character. This doesn’t amount to much but off line those groups aren’t representative by the majority. People who take long breaks from online tend to feel better about themselves.
I can’t say I feel bad for him, but I pity him. I know many men like him that are damn near incapable of receiving a sincere compliment without clapping back, which makes people in general less likely to even attempt the gesture. Personally, I think they’re so scared of rejection, or the idea that the compliment was in someway backhanded or insincere, that they jump at the opportunity to defend themselves because that’s what society has taught them as men to do. It’s sad really, they attack when there’s no danger, and it ruins their chances of forming any meaningful relationships with other people.
The whole fathers being their daughters boyfriends thing - In the deep south I was in a circle that did something similar. Fathers "courting" their daughters. They would take them to dinner, open the car door for them, pull out their chair, get them flowers, etc. The idea was to demonstrate the way a man ought to treat them, and that anything less shouldn't be settled for. It's a lot less icky in that they're teaching their daughters not to allow themselves to be mistreated, but why did they have to call it courting?? Went and made it so much weirder than it needed to be
It's so weird for me, because my dad did all those things for me (he'd take me and my sister out individually, open the door for us, randomly get us candy or whatever) but like... there was never this weird 'dating' or 'courting' aspect of it, because he was doing those things out of a genuine desire to be a good dad to us. Mostly it was just to spend time with us, but as we got older he did talk to us about how we should have standards in the men we dated - but again, he didn't tell us to compare that guy to him. He said that we deserved to be treated right, and he accomplished the same thing - but it wasn't weird because he didn't make it weird. These people (in the video) are gross AF, they're choosing to make it feel incestuous and I DONT TRUST THEM WITH THESE CHILDREN
@@KateCat420 Right?! You can do those things as a good parent setting an example of how you should be treated. Making it sound romantic or dating related is so unnecessary and gross. It takes something that's fine and turns it into a red flag
Been thinking through this aspect of southern conservative behaviors a lot. They can be very charming. Very good at gestures. Politeness, conversations, jokes and smiling... But, if it comes down to the stuff that matters...seeing women as human beings with minds and goals of their own...respecting a woman's (or even a child's) boundaries or consent...they have zero grasp on it. Anything that you might do that doesn't follow the very narrow ways of existing that biblical dogma has taught them, is where they kick in with the whole 'God says I'M in charge, and YOU must obey' schtick... and despite the politeness, will then proceed to steamroll right over you and do whatever they want with you; will ignore, gaslight, even threaten you into submission; and will feel you to be disrespectful and cruel and mean for not agreeing that they are entitled to controlling your person, your energy, your time...most of all, they will insist on your abandonment of your authentic Self, in favor of the rote facade of 'womanhood' that they wish you to perform in tandem with them.
i love how there's warning for misogyny, racism and queerphobia despite the thumbnail already showing ben Shapiro and Andrew tate. yes this floor is made out of floor
I’m a 31 black woman who has never had sex because it been instilled in me that sex before marriage is bad by the church. For the last couple of years I been teaching myself that isn’t true.
@@skerion7956 Incorrect. While couples who cohabitate before marriage do have higher divorce rates, if you control for age, attitudes towards divorce, etc, those differences disappear. There have also been multiple pieces of evidence showing that people (especially women) who are taught that virginity=purity/value often have a hard time enjoying sex even after marriage.
@@sarahr8311 cohabitation is different from promiscuity. Promiscuity without a doubt increases divorce rate, reduces satisfaction,more likely to cheat etc.
@@skerion7956 source? No sex 'til marriage, particularly when there are attitudes where sex is considered "dirty" and that having had sex decreases your value as a partner, has been shown to correlate with less sexual satisfaction after marriage. I do not have studies looking at cheating behavior, and can only anecdotally point to the large number of conservative men who preach no sex til marriage while cheating on their wives. Divorce rates don't seem to be affected by sex before marriage, though I'd accept evidence otherwise if they've controlled for things like age and income levels. Do you want sources? I can try and find open source ones if you do. I'm pretty sure I can't send you a pdf via RU-vid or I'd offer stuff now 😕
