Coping with being a Parentified Child 

People tell me GROW UP and STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF. No one "felt" for me as a child and now as an adult I'm told I can't feel sorry or sad for me either.

I’ve find that often people justify parentification due to necessity. But separating what had to happen from what should happen for a healthy mind and self is the fine line that can take time to accept.

I had no idea this term existed and I genuinely feel my life has changed.

Great video! I think most people don't realize how detrimental this can be to a child! What hurts me the most is that my parents will never acknowledge how much I did for them or how much of my youth was lost over that.

I've been wondering for years what's been wrong with me and finally discovered it in this video. I was parentified. I was the emotional support of my mother and sister which meant that my emotions regardless of severity was pushed to the side for 18 years. Once I moved out and was allowed to actually started experiencing my own emotions, I went overboard and just exploded with all the emotions I never showed as a kid. This was so hard on my boyfriend becayse he couldn't understand but I'm so glad he did his best to help through that time. I'm in the grieving process right now where I long to have the childhood I never got. My emotional growth stopped at about 5 or 6 I would imagine. So I cry about child like things. Like when I can't tie my shoe as tight as I want or my clothes are bothering me or my stuffed animal gets lost. Those are my childlike anxieties that I should have already experienced but since I didn't I'm experiencing them now as a 21 year old. It's embarrassing for me to expose that to other people but I'm glad my close friends understand. It's a lengthy process. I've only been recovering for 4 years but it's worth it becayse there's a point where you can sort of regress in private and play with toys or experience that childhood for a few minutes and it feels like a breath of fresh air to do so I encourage anyone who goes through this to act on those childlike behaviors as long as they aren't unhealthy. Go watch Clifford. I do. Go treat yourself to that you you wanted as a kid but never got. Buy yourself a blankie. Indulge and treat yourself to the childhood you always deserved.

im emotionally a parentified child. i was fully aware and even involved with my parents' marriage drama. i mean i was with my mother when she literally _stalked_ my father to catch him cheating and she told me how the other woman looked like compared to her and all that. i was so conflicted as to if it was really necessary for me to know this

My parents are always bickering and trying to make me pick sides. I literally feel like a nanny dealing with two bratty kids.

Wow, this video was made for me. I am 19 and my sister is 10, and I've been taking care of her since I can remember. My mom had to leave the house really early to work and had to stay away all day. I was the one to cook, clean, do laundry, walk my sister to school, everything. Currently it's pretty much the same and it's has been killing me from a very young age, but, to everyone, it's fine, because I am a "perfect daughter". To play the role of a mother for my sister has actually developed in me a fear of getting pregnant and having my own kids, this idea terrifies me, and I dont wish to be a mother because, in a way, I already had this experience. Kati, thank you so much for this video, I felt deeply understood.

I used to be a people pleaser on a maniac level, now I see why. I don't remember much from my childhood, but I find myself wanting to talk about it to understand how much of what happened was my fault

I literally prayed 30 minutes before finding this video. Knowing this will help me help myself. I'm currently experiencing it, parentification, big time right now with one of my younger brothers and a situation he is dealing with. I told my mom that how I'm feeling is more like he's my son and not my brother. It affected my sleep, my eating, headaches, and I finally had to take off from work yesterday. I was talking to my other younger brother and he claimed I'm making myself feel the way I feel. I told him no I'm not, it's something driving me to feel this way and feel like it's my job to help like I'm his mom not sister. I found my answer. My heart is full, and my soul is beginning to feel free and not weighted down. I thank you for this video from the bottom of my soul. You have no idea how much you have helped me. The comments are also very encouraging and eye opening. I'm also a highly sensitive person so I feel things way deeper than the average person which makes me affected by things way deeper too. It's a blessing and a curse, but God saw I couldn't take it anymore. God helped me find this video so I begin the journey to help myself so I can be even a better mother for my daughter.

My mom used me as emotional support. When I was growing up, I remember her telling me she was very depressed and wanted to kill herself. It happened all the time. It made me feel like it was my fault somehow. Or that I should try harder so my mother doesn't want to die.

I have bipolar 1 and my depression gets severe but I force myself to get up and take care of my kids. If I have to fake it so they are taken care of I will. I never want my kids to feel the way I did. I want them to enjoy their childhoods not have to worry about me.

Why do I feel guilty for saying that this happened to me? Ive always been told that it's just "doing my part". I have seen multiple therapists and the only thing I've been told is that it will end when I finish school. I finished a week ago and now I'm absolutely miserable because I am tired of waiting for it to happen. Even though I know it won't just happen in one day I still fear that it won't end.

I’m almost 30 and my mother still tells me about my parents relationship. I tell her all the time that’s not my business and to know her boundaries. I’m so tired and angry! When I show how annoyed I am she tries to make me seem like I’m the one whose too sensitive. I can’t!

This was a touching video that hit very close to home. I am 14 years old and a parentified daughter to my parents. I do far more of the chores around the house than I should, in addition to around 25 hours of volunteer work every week, to the point of complete exhaustion. My father is explosive in his anger, bursting out without regard for how deeply he might be hurting me; my mother is critical and emotionally unstable, using me as a landfill for her feelings, especially around her marriage with my father. I resorted to burying myself in a “humanitarian path”, compliant and visionary, doing whatever I could to please them, to no avail. It is painful and humiliating to be a parentified child, to be stripped of one’s childhood. Please, to any parents reading this, even if your child seems a capable and mature leader, even if they find passion in helping others, don’t pressure them excessively to excel and take care of everything. We children put on a brave face to please you, to make you proud-but the experience is traumatizing and debilitating nevertheless. Give us the safe haven we long to return to; sometimes, it is the only place we have left. ❤️

Someone telling me I'm allowed to feel anger and not dismissing the effects of being parentified made me cry the hardest I've cried in a while.

This is something I'd never really thought about before actually but I think I'll definitely bring it up in therapy! My mum would always look to me to vent about issues with her and I remember feeling super uncomfortable about it all but I also remember thinking she didn't really have anyone else to talk to about it so it was okay. I spent so much time worrying about the issues and that my parents could be splitting up that, yes, I did loses chunks of my childhood putting on that brave face, pushing my issues aside because I didn't want to add to the 'burden' and making sure that my sister wasn't affected. Thank you for this, Kati! ♥

Thank you so much! That was exactly my childhood. I'm 31 and i'm still having tons of issues regarding my childhood. I'm going to take your advice and write those letters. :)

I love this video and love that there is a term for what happened to me.

This video really means a lot to me. I grew up with my dad always being at work and my mom doing nothing at home. She never wanted to do anything around the house and just sat around on her computer.. and my dad worked so much, supporting 5 kids, that he never felt like he had the energy to do things around the house. This horrible dynamic that the 2 of them had them fighting all the time and then talking to us about it at times, and they didn't take care of any household responsibilities on their own. I feel so robbed of my childhood from those experiences and so many more. Thank you.

This was me. This was my childhood. However, I also understand that this didn't happen intentionally. I looked after my brother because I was the oldest sibling and our mother had to work evenings to make ends meet. I honestly feel like much of that experience built character and prepared me for adulthood such that I was able to bypass some of the stumbling that my peers dealt with as we moved out on our own. What I *do* resent is that I am *still* in that position, years later, looking out for parents who don't have their own lives together. But how much of that is really their fault, when many of the issues are financial or medical in nature? Between work and luck, I managed to do just a little bit better for myself than my family did -- As much as I resent it, how can I turn my back? How can I not help where I can? Where is the balance between taking care of ourselves as individuals and taking care of ourselves as a communal unit?

Thanks for this video, Kati! I realized a few months ago in therapy that I was sort of put in difficult places as a child. I used to hear my parents arguing a lot. Sometimes they would fight in the car and I'd feel trapped. My mom would tell me how frustrated she was with my dad, how they'd already talked, etc. Occasionally they would use me as a carrier pigeon or a pawn, like "Your dad loves you; he'll do X if you're the one asking for it. He never does X if I ask." My mom also used to talk to me a lot in the car about everything that was going on with her family and girlfriends, almost like I was her peer even though I was 13 or 14. I never quite knew what to say and was mostly silent. To be clear, they really loved each other and loved me, and in general I have a good relationship with my parents. I don't consider my family dysfunctional at all. They don't fight nearly as much anymore and they love each other, but now it's hard to tell them how I'm struggling with trauma or my eating disorder. I think my parents have this image of me having my shit together, and in general being very poised and stoic. I have a hard time being the child seeking support.

Watching this video and reading through the comments, makes me feel not so alone, what happened to us was not ok, but knowing there’s people who understand my emotions and what I’m going through, makes me feel better. Hang in there, everyone, I have faith that we can heal from this.

oh god, i experienced this and have been talking about it with my therapist but I didn't realise that it had a name!

Thank you for this video. I grew up the oldest of 9 children. My dad was a janitor and my mom was a stay at home mom. I cooked, cleaned, helped with homework etc. If I wasn't at school, I was at home helping her. I didn't have a childhood. I didn't have fun memories or friends. My parents told me about all of their problems when I was way too young. I knew about my father's gambling and cocaine addiction. I knew about my mom's abusive boyfriends. I knew why were moved from house to house. We kept getting evicted. I still deal with all of these thoughts and feeling well into my adulthood

omg i'm so happy you made this video. I am struggling with this so much and am working on it with my therapist. Thanks so much, you are doing so much to help others, love your channel! :)

I'm the complete opposite: I'm physical a grown old woman but inside me still this baby that needs their parents so desperately very much but still doesn't get their love, appreciation and respect. I'm dying because of this lack and inner pain, literally killing myself w my eating disorders. I just can't get over this pain.

this helped alot i'm seeing a therapist and this is what she told me i was. she didn't call me selfish for wanting to take care of my own needs when that happened alot when i tried in my own home! this helped and it does take a lot. i've been telling myself for years that it's okay to take care of my own needs and i still have trouble doing so because i still feel it's selfish cause I feel i need to take care of everyone else first.

Thank you so much for this Kati, I feel like this is so little talked about- I didnt even realise it wasnt normal or ok UNTIL someone spoke to me about it and that it just one of the many many reasons why this video is so important!

I feel so horrible. And tainted. Thank you for this video it’s very informative. It’s just put into words now

Thank you so so much for making this video. I was a parentified child and still am, only I’m 18 so it’s all legal now, which ironically has just made it far worse! Just because it’s so easy for people to justify the situation. I really appreciate this cyber support Kati x

I got to do both sides of that coin, practical and emotional!! Setting boundaries with my mum as an adult was one of the hardest things I have done, she still fights them too and tries to break my boundaries. But thanks to therapy Im getting stronger and stronger and standing my ground! And I have just starting writing letters again this week after having a really rough time at home and am remembering how much it helped! I used to do it when I first starting working on it with my psychologist, and then just didn't see a need for it! but now I'm using it as a tool to write a letter to mum overtime i feel betrayed or hurt by her current actions aswell, and its doing wonders! one of my favourite tools to use for sure! Thanks for everything Kati

This is so prevalent in my therapy right now. I lost my mom when I was 12 and had to take care of my senior dad. (He was 62 when I was born). Im 25 now, and completely parentless. Thank you Kati for this insight, didn’t know their was a name for it.

Wow, this resonates sooo much for me and I'd never even thought of it. I've been struggling with OCD since I was 6 (I'm 19 now) and always felt such a sense of responsibility to look after everyone in my family. I've always been my mum's 'go to person' and I was a third parent to my younger siblings. I'm going to allow myself to grieve my childhood now, thank you so much as always.

This is extremely helpful! Grieving the loss and overcoming resentment are some of the most difficult processes, there can be so much guilt attached to accepting and trying to move forward.

Thank you for posting this. And talking about this. When I was 9 my older sister had a child, then a year later she had another child and i was excited and I love them dearly. But because my sister had to work and lived with us and my mother and father worked, I had to take care of them a lot. Everyday after school till around 9 or 10 and most summers as well I was spending taking care of them. It made me the person I am, and I now I’m super close with them and worry about them almost as if I’m their mother. But I do know that emotionally it effected me, stunted my emotional health. Thank you so much for talking about this I didn’t know it had a name.

Burned all my photographs...went no contact...just spent Christmas fully alone: it was _wonderful!_ (I am 42, male and childless, though...makes it a bit easier.)

Thank you so much for this. I am 33 years old and recovering from being a parentified child each day.

After my mum left when I was 8 I was put in charge of my 6 and 3 year old siblings because my dad didn't want to and wasn't exactly emotionally stable and my older siblings weren't around enough and even now im 16 Im still responsible for most of the things my family does and I am constantly sad about not really living as a child and not being able to live a normal teenage life between school work and practically raising a family

You hit the nail on the head! I have to keep my distance from my parents in order to stay sane.

thank you so much for this, kati! maybe a few months ago, my mother told me that, from the moment she realised she was pregnant with me, she gave me the role of being the one to pull her up and out of her depression. this, amongst other things, has been very harmful for me, so i find it reassuring to know that there's a term for it and that i'm not alone.

I didn’t even know this was a thing that existed yet I resonate with some things said here

Thank you so much for this video. I really appreciate this. It took me a long time to admit to myself that I was a young carer of my brother who is autistic. I'm 21 now and if anyone can relate it would be so comforting to hear from you. Growing up I didn't know anyone who had autistic siblings and felt so conflicted and lonely in my experience . I still have an intense fear of being angry because of the meltdowns and my brother and dad lashing out and fighting constantly. Even when my brother hurt me during meltdowns I couldn't express anger towards him because it wasn't his fault it was the autism, and I had to be responsible and not make things worse by having 'ugly angry' emotions. Even though I was 12 I felt so confused that I could take care of my brother and do what was needed, yet my dad who'd been on autism training and was the parent, was acting like a child and I didn't feel safe. I really appreciate this video Kati, I need to commit to doing inner child work, think the guilt and strong feelings that come up scares me. I always felt I had to be the parent because I was more patient and aware of how to help my brother do tasks and communicate and I would de-escalate fighting, whilst my dad lost his temper and would deliberately wind him up.

This was so insightful. I never knew there was a term for this. For the longest time I've known that my childhood was not exactly normal. With my dad working a night job and at times 2 jobs; my mother working a live-in job; and having a sibling 11 years younger than me that I had to take care of since he was 2. I was the middle person for all communication when my parents argued and even after divorce. I wasn't able to date properly even in my senior year of high school because I was told I would have to bring my younger sibling along. The few times i got to hang out with friends, the time was always cut short because my mother didn't want me out past 7, even though I was an adult in my early 20's by then in college. This has made me absolutely resent the idea of having kids of my own one day or even being in a romantic relationship with anyone. I wonder can being a parentified child cause some degree of PTSD?

I relate to this on a personal level...being the oldest and my father who is bipolar and has ptsd I was always scared and basically took care of my sister constantly because he forced us to do things while he did nothing but play video games, and it's always my fault if I didn't take care of my sister in private or public.I spent many years doing things for her and still I'm expected to drive my mother and sister to work or school while I work too. I clean all day for my mother while my dad still does nothing even thanksgiving I had to cook and clean while my mother went to work, and dropped my sister off at our grandparents...it's hard to be raised as an adult because I still want to be a kid.

I am a parentified child and having art therapy has helped put my situation and my childhood wants in perspective but I will also try the letter writing suggested in this video.

When my parents had me they were up there and their years And I had to take care of them because my older siblings have their own life to worry about I always described it as raising my parents Thank kati for giving it a name 💝👨‍👩‍👧👍🏻

I had this constantly from my own mother for 20+ years because my mother would vent about problems with my ex-stepfather who she had finally left, and now I have resentment for my mother because I feel she has hurt me for nothing. I'm so glad there's a term for this.

I'm just happy that more and more people are learning about parentified children. I wish I could remember more of my childhood to properly justify myself saying that I have been parentified, but I feel that I could only call myself that if I remember things more clearly. Problem is, I got a poor memory which is a symptom of anxiety and depression which I feel are caused by my home circumstances and half-raising my siblings

When she said to "grieve" about your lost childhood, I felt uncomfortable, but at the same time relieved. This is something I needed to hear many, many years ago and is necessary for healing.

Great video. ❤️ I was parentified and some of it actually helped me out in life (needing to cook and help sibling with homework etc gave me life skills. Other things didn't help so much-- hearing one parent bad mouth the other or share details of their sex life for instance didn't help in the least! 🤮

Thank you for this :) I will start my healing journey to prevent my past from affecting my present and future

Thank you for your encouragement. Dr. Sam Vaknin says that this type of abuse is severe. We have to be compassionate with ourselves.

Just wanted to say thank you for making this video. I had no idea there was a name to this particular issue. I had to take care of my two older sisters, one who has severe anxiety (didn't do as much as I wish I did) and the other an extreme case of paranoid schizophrenia when I was a small child with increasing responsibility through my teens. My mother went to nursing school and my father was kicked out when I was like 13 so it was basically just my two sisters and I. I remember us running out of food a few times because my mother got too caught up in school, forgot to get some, and didn't leave any money. I will try writing a letter to my younger self like you suggested, I KNOW I have some unresolved issues relating to my childhood, but have difficulty talking about it. Again, thank you.

I’ve come to realize the fact that I’ve been describing being a parentified child for these past years without actually using the language or realizing what was actually wrong. I grew up way too fast because of it and now I have to go back and rebuild a childhood that I didn’t get to fully experience because was too busy doing what I shouldn’t have had to. Thank you for this video 💙

I really appreciate this video. None of my actual therapists have ever taken the time to explain this concept to me and when you did, I gained a whole new insight into myself and why I do certain things the way I do. I write a lot of poetry, so I took your advice and wrote a poem to my younger self. It was probably the hardest poem I've ever written, but it really helped me validate myself and also see how far I've come in my journey. Thank you so much for explaining this and being a part of my recovery :)

I had to deal with all of the above in my childhood, I had to keep the house running (doing dishes, laundry, cooking, cleaning) and it started around 8 I also had to take care of my younger brother, as well as have to be my parents therapist for both of them individually, and heard way to much about everything. And to top it all off I was emotionally, sexually, physically and mentally abused in different ways. I used to tell myself that it wasn't so bad that it could be worse. It's only been the last year or so that I have finally looked back at it all and see how messed up it all was. So now it's my struggle to get past it all and make sure I don't do the same thing to my children.

Great video! I'm actually in the process of working out my issues from when I was a child and expected to be an equal emotional partner to one of my parents. At the time I was confused and anxious. I grew up and spent my early adulthood as a people pleaser and I was a huge liar. Even though I'm aware that I used lying as a defense mechanism, I still have a tendency to go in that direction when situations get tough, which is unacceptable. My therapist is helping me unpack the anger and had me write a letter to my 14 year old self. 8 pages later, I saw that I was remembering incidents that I had buried emotionally a long time ago. My therapist thinks that I took a big step by remembering, but I am not so sure that I've made any progress, yet. I know it's a long process. I love your content and I appreciate that you are covering this rarely discussed issue!

My mom suffers from MS and depression and used to talk to me about her struggles. I don't think she's a bad person at all and I'm not angry at her. She supports me when I'm feeling upset so I feel it's fair because we take care of one another. She's my mom and my friend.

Never knew there was an actual term for this, thank you so much for making this video Katie! This was a huge problem for me growing up, at times I was allowed to be a bit of a child, but 90% of my childhood was me being taught to be an adult.

I had no idea this had a term... I also didn’t know this was so common. I honestly felt alone in a way. Thank you for opening up about things and not sweeping it under the rug

I teared up a bit watching this. My mom, who's generally been very supportive and caring, has done this kind of thing to me my whole life - talking about how much she hated my dad after they divorced, constantly coming to me to vent about her money problems and stress at work...what kind of five-year-old knows how to process that? Why should a five-year-old HAVE to process that? One of the hardest parts of my therapy the past couple of years has been learning to follow the same advice in this video without being incredibly resentful to my mom, and that's probably the hardest part of the whole process.

Great video Kati! Helpful on so many levels. Your wisdom and insight paired with your knowledge is...zing! It’s an honour to be your patreon patron and I encourage everyone to get on board to support her as she continues to make an impact across the globe. A follow up video in the future would be so helpful around topics such as... - how to process unresolved issues from siblings who were angry, resentful, jealous etc towards you for being a parentified child and ways to heal the relationship. - any correlation/language for us as adults who have had to be the ‘parent’ through our parent’s final years when they are unwell and unable to make decisions for themselves. eg. Being power of attorney, making decisions for their next stage of life and ways to handle that with other family members. - Navigating challenges with parents with dementia and how to process that with family members. Thanks for everything Kati!!

This was me. My step mom had cancer and I had to help take care of her. I didn't get to go out and play like a normal kid. I had to clean, cook and make sure my mom was ok. My Dad had to work so we had no choice. I'm not resentful because of it but it makes me a little sad.

I feel like I need a new tshirt that says, ‘Everything important in life I learnt from Kati Morton’ #wisdombeyondheryears

I'm in tears watching this because it makes me reflect... And it's overwhelming

I've never heard of this before. But it makes so much sense! After my dad's double lung transplant when I was 9, my older brother would "take care" of us younger siblings and he would be super abusive to us. My mum would vent out her day to my sister. Cool video, thanks for the insight and all you do. 💛

thank you thank you thank you for this. i’ve been diagnosed with c-ptsd and parentification had a lot to do with it. realizing and accepting that those things were not okay is so hard but so important to heal! i really liked the letter to/from the past idea, i’m going to bring it up to my therapist to see if i’m ready for that “exposure” phase!! ♥️

I relate to this, even though I can't remember being parentified, I always acted like an adult as a child but I think that was more to do with not having any other children around me rather than being forced into being an adult. That being said I would often get dragged into arguments about money/bills etc and have to listen to both of my parents problems with the other, even if they were just small things that we're annoying them. Thank you for the video as always

I've recently been talking to my therapist about this topic. I was 10 when my younger sisters were born (twins). My mom became depressed shortly afterward and my dad was working overtime every week. From then until I left for university this fall I had to be a mother type figure for them and make sure they got the things they need. Now it's hard for me to be with people my own age and just have fun and be a young adult because all I know is how to be a caregiver. I also get very clingy in relationships and even close friendships and find myself constantly wanting my good friend or significant other to take care of me. I really appreciate this video because I feel like not a lot of people talk about this kind of thing.

I never really thought about all this until a few years ago. I’m definitely an emotional parent to my mother. Have been since I was in preschool. Recently I’ve been experiencing what I believe is burnout. I feel like I’m constantly on the verge of breaking. I don’t know what to do anymore.

Really well explained - I had a couple of realizations myself! It's so damaging when our parents take themselves out of the parental role and placed us in it. May we all continue to heal and rise ❤️❤️❤️

Incredibly informative and something that I’ve really needed lately. Sometimes once we’ve found the issue dealing and coping with it is the hardest part. I really appreciate this video!❤️

I have been watching your videos for a couple months now. Thank you for taking the time to create these for everyone. I have been fighting for years for counselling where I live. I finally went today and it showed me how strong I have actually become after discovering this channel. I don’t think I would have had it figured out as much as I did without you. 🧡

Thank you for making a video that makes me feel understood for once. I’m going to be seeing a therapist after learning about having this trauma.

For so long I tried to understand why I was so resentful towards my parents, but this video explains it perfectly. Thank you so much Kati for creating this video, it was a big help!

Cried so hard watching this video. Iv never heard someone acknowledge what my childhood was. Or that there was a name for it. Iv never ever related to a video of yours so closely. Ty for what you do

my psychotherapist always tries to tell me i have this. i’ve never believed her or understood how she could think it, but this puts things into perspective. thankyou, Kati.

I was a parentified child. My Mum and Dad broke up when I was about 6. I used to take care of my Mum because she had an issue with alcohol. I used to get myself up for school and make my own meals. Thank god I was the youngest child! My sister had to take care of me but she was 6 years older and went off to have her own life, which is when I took on the parentified child role, I guess. My Mum still struggles to do things for herself so I STILL have to help her. I speak to her for hours on the phone, sometimes until early hours of the morning when I have work at 9 am. I have my own children and I had my first at 16. I had my child young because my Mum was in an abusive and violent relationship and I wanted to escape that and have my own life. Which made me lose even more of my childhood but I am determined to give my kids the best childhood they deserve. ❤️

I instantly started to cry.

My mom parentfied me. She told me all about her shitty life growing up in an alcoholic home, her shitty relationships, and how her work was frustrating. She was so self absorbed, so self involved.

I never knew there was a name for this, thank you for validating my experience and allowing me to acknowledge what happened to me as a child and how i can recover/move on from this x

My brother passed away and I became this for my parents, I had to take care of myself on my own when my parents were in hospital with him and after they were dealing with their own grief and I became emotional support and the strongest one in the family (thanks for the video)

I had no clue this was a thing or that it was toxic. This is crazy and it validates me anger. Thank you

Hi Kati! your videos have been helping me a lot! thank you so much!!!

This was powerful for me! Thank you

Oh my goodness it’s me!! I commented on a different video about child-like behaviours in adults with childhood trauma and RU-vid outed me and suggested this video xD Much love to us “model children,” taking care of our siblings (who may now basically be our kids) and being the support for our parents ❤️

Thank you. Seriously thank you. This happened to me from the age of 12-19 when new born sisters to 7 years old. It was extreme due to my mom and step father were never home and ignored my sisters and I lived in a state where I had no family. I was taken away from my good years. I never knew this was a thing and my biological father tried to build a case about this to get custody of me but the judges said it wasn’t true. Then when I was 19 I was kicked out because my mother wanted to put her cheating husband before her kids. Took me away from my sisters and them for over 4 years. I still talk to her periodically but not a lot. I now never want kids and have not gone far in life due to me mentally not my age because I lost those years. I’m 26 now and doing much better with coping but thank you for shedding light to this.

I was raised by a single borderline/narcissist mother. She learned the language of psychotherapy when I was little, and she used it to abuse me throughout my childhood and adolescence, and even my early adulthood. She decided when I was very young that I would be her full-time therapist. She talked to me about all her problems for many hours at a time, late into the night. She was always enraged at the men in her life - she always told me ALL the details - and somehow as I grew up that became deep shame and self-hatred in my own mind. As I began trying to set boundaries in my teens, she became more and more enraged at me. But she never wanted me to stop being her therapist. She had zero interest in my life - unless she could use something to manipulate or shame me. She lied to me and gaslit me constantly. She was an absolute emotional vampire. Thank God she's dead, but what she did to me will never go away completely.

This was me before we were adopted. It's too late I'm 23 and my sisters will always have a 3rd parent. It bothers them more than it bothers me to be honest.

I’m so glad you touch upon this regularly, before I saw your first video about it I had no idea how much it has effected me and it makes things sort of click into place. My mum has had severe depression and anxiety on and off since I was 6 years old, I’m 22 now, and my brother was diagnosed with OCD when I was about 14, there have been times when I have had to physically hold them up when they’ve been at their lowest, or calm my brother down because it’s too much for my mum to handle (he’s 5 years older than me). My question is, is it ok to NOT want to make reparations in the relationships that have been affected by this? A lot of people’s first instinct when I try explain my feelings to them is telling me to be more open with my mum, but I know the repercussions will just be worse for me, is it ok to not want to make my relationship with her ‘better’ for the sake of my own mental health? I still often feel it’s my responsibility as she guilt trips me into thinking I’ve made her believe she’s a bad parent...

I was that kid, it’s so nice to see and understand how this has affected my life. My Mom has NOT changed over the years. Just yesterday she was guilting me with how my Aunts kids moved back because they were worried about her being alone after her husband died. But first of all, her husband died, and second of all I know my Aunt was a good mother. A mother who put her kids needs first,. Not a parent who’s oldest (me) had to protect her younger siblings from her mothers random flip outs when things weren’t going her way. Who took the hits to protect the 2year olds from getting it. Not a mother who abandoned her kids and tried to parent over the phone through her oldest from another state after she said she couldn’t keep her youngest with her because she caused friction between her and her new husband. Wow TMI but I think I needed that reminder. My goal is not to whine but seriously! It annoys me when people act like just because she held you in her womb she should be cherished and that if you don’t bow to her emotional whims anymore you’re a bad person. C’mon that’s just continuing the abuse of the victim. I want to get to a detached place when I think of this but man it angers me every time she tries to guilt me. It’s like sorry, you messed up your opportunity for that lovey relationship.

My mind is literally blown. You have no idea how relieving, for lack of a better word, it is to finally be able to label what I experienced as a child and continue to experience as a young adult. I had no idea that the term parentified child even existed, but now that I do, it’s so comforting to know that the feelings that have resulted from that trauma are valid. I have never heard a more accurate description of myself than that of a parentified child. My father is the definition of a narcissistic authoritarian and though he refrained from physically abusing us, to this day he regularly abuses us emotionally in ways such as threatening to withhold financial support from our family unless we do as he says, or by establishing rigid and often illogical rules my siblings, mother and I are expected to follow blindly. My mother on the other hand has done her best to be a good parent, however, having experienced this type of abuse as a child and now throughout her 25+year marriage she is emotionally drained and, to an extent, views the situation as “normal” and something we simply have to accept. She expects my siblings and I to be her emotional support system whenever she and my father have issues (which is on a regular basis) yet she refuses to stand by us or offer any sort of support when the roles are reversed and we’re the ones up against my father. Growing up I had to be her confidant as I’m the oldest child and she had no one else to unload her emotional turmoil onto. Now as an adult I feel tied to my current situation because I can’t bear the thought of leaving my siblings and mother behind in that toxic relationship. I understand needing to accept that the situation is wrong and that more often than not the abuser will not change his behavior or even acknowledge the pain they’ve inflicted, but I just can’t bring myself to leave that situation and try to heal/ make a life for myself knowing that I’d be abandoning my siblings and mother (again, exemplifying the characteristics of a parentified child).

The colour black suits Kati's complexion so much !

Hey Katie I only found you recently and I've been loving your channel so far. At some point do you think you could do a video on Empaths? While being an Empath or a HSP isn't technically a mental disease they are extremely prone to developing mental diseases thanks to how different that are from the "normal" human being, and most people don't even know that Empaths and HSPs even exist. It doesn't help that many people take the spiritual side of it too far and it ends up looking made up like a 'psychic'.

thank you for this video ❤️ wish I got to have a real childhood but at least I get to have control over my adulthood 🌻

This video put everything into words I couldn’t thank you for making this video 💯

Is this the same as having parents that are too busy with their own lives, forcing you to be your own parent?

Kati thank you so much for this. I had be the parent before I was a child. I have always had outburst because I had to learn about drug addiction. I learned about sex lives and things I wouldn't do to a child. Therapy helps with all that I am dealing with.

I am crying. Thank you.