Coping With Loss, in Heart and Earth, and the Ability to Regenerate 

Depression has been a black dog snapping at my heels, for most of my adult life and in my younger days, that was when I poured myself into whatever garden I had, wherever I was living. Ageing has sadly diminished my ability to keep physically busy so I have had to learn other ways of dealing with the inevitable losses and sadness of life. And once again, life has given me another opportunity to practice grief when ten days ago my favourite cat, an ordinary little brown tabby, was killed by a snake. My grief has been enormous, I have been devastated to the point of total inertia. All I have been able to do, is let the grief be, to really feel its depths, as I have learnt if I try to repress it, that process of grieving will take much longer and incapacitate me more than if I let my pain be. So I have honoured my little feral cat, Kismet with tears and anger and all the other expressions of coming to terms with loss. I have devoured books, RU-vid and music. And I am finally coming out the other side. One saying I used to comfort myself, was that my little cat has gone back to the goddess, his little body wherever it is, is becoming one with Mother Earth. And last night I felt the worst has passed when i found my toes tapping to the wonderful music of T G Lurgan, young Irish people singing in Irish. I cant understand a word, but it puts a smile on my face every time i watch them on RU-vid.. In memory of your mother and my tabby cat, blessings.x

Even in sadness there is light. Even in destruction there is creation. Even when ninety-nine people out of one-hundred cannot see the forest for the trees, there is one that can. That one caretaker and shepherd of the living Earth. When the spiritual plane is breached and we live in two worlds, we are evolving our minds and our souls beyond our conditioning. By regenerating what was perceived as dead or useless, we regenerate our humanity. And by showing kindness and compassion to animals and plants we show the divinity in our hearts. I was just looking at property around Carrick that has been for sale since 2015. Many have small cottages that need A LOT of work, but the land is very similar to what Bealtaine used to look like. There is nothing preventing a US citizen from purchasing land in Ireland and the cost of the properties were well below €35,000. What miracles and magic are manifested simply by making a small plea to the Universe!!

I've been feeling the need to comment on one of your videos for days. Then this video reappeared, after 3 years, in my feed. I felt it was the one to comment on. My heart breaks for you and your loss. It has been 2 1/2 years since I lost my dog companion, Kai. "Walking" through your woods with you and your wee Jack, listening to you talk, helped to bring me through the roughest days. Please know that we are (t)here, offering whatever light and spirit hugs that we are capable of giving. Please, dig your toes in the Earth, look to the moon, and feel our love in the wind stroking your cheeks. Take whatever strength you need from us, big sister, and know that we love you. Please be safe. 💖💕

I know exactly what you go through with the anniversary of your Mum's death. My Mum died 16 years ago from Motor Neurone Disease (or ALS) when she was 46, I was only 20. They say it's supposed to get better over time but I feel it gets worse. I miss her everyday. I then lost my Grandma years ago (my Mum's Mum) and that was nearly as bad because we were close and each other's support after Mum died. After my Grandma died I used to get a text message on my phone from my Aunty on her anniversay - but did not get one single message from anyone this year. I hate when people say "you should be over that by now", but I believe there is no time limit on greif. If my Husband and I are lucky enough to buy a house next year I want to buy a rose and plant it in our garden in her memory. My Husband also lost his parents and I never got to meet them. I sometimes like to think our Mother's brought us together. Loved seeing your two cats on the bed - they're like ying and yang cats. And your lounge room is so cozy and love mosaic mirror above your fire place.

When my daughter passed away I spent the first three years being so busy. I did so much those first three years just so I could cope. Then I burnt out in the fourth year. Now into almost the seventh year I am still burnt out but finding my way back to a more balanced place. In a previous video you mentioned how dusk is like being between worlds. The first two years after my daughter died dusk made me so uneasy. I felt myself slipping into depression and anxiety. The nights I slept through but dusk time scared me. I don't have that anymore but I did find it a strange phenomenon as I always loved dusk and the in-between states. Depression and anxiety are two states, living in the past and living in the future. The present, being between those two times, was too painful to live.So maybe that's why it scared me. My daughter visited me often in my dreams so I looked forward to the nights. She visited me between the two realms of awake and sleep in the form of lucid dreaming. Those in between worlds can be beautiful too. She still visits me in my dreams, not quite as often though. I just loved seeing you peak in the window of your cottage in the previous video and seeing Sammy Bear in the window. My cats do this too. If our dog is outside, one of our cats gets quite concerned for her safety and meows and paws at the window until the dog comes back in.

Thanks for that Colette, I'm having my coffee before I get up and start the day. Most important coffee of the day for me. It could be just January blues but I have been feeling a bit low over the past week too. Planting trees is the best therapy ever! The evenings and the mornings are getting brighter for sure and that is fantastic.Thinking about how Bealtaine was when you bought it, derelict and unwanted, Roscommon and Ireland is full of cottages and old houses like that with so much potential.They all have land around them not being used, you could plant many trees on even half an acre. It would be nice to think that your Mum is still there. Today the sun is going to shine... I hope.

I make a cake on my loved ones death day and their birthdays it helps cope with sadness . Its also celebrating the life they shared with us and let them know that they are not forgot ! I also had a loved ones garden with all kids of flowers in case you cant go to their resting place !You can honor them with this garden ! I so enjoy your home and look forward to your obsevations !!!!

I just love sitting in your kitchen. It’s my favorite spot in the house. My next favorite is in front of your fire. It’s interesting that you should talk about depression. It’s been a rough week here. I’m not sure why. I have had no sad anniversary. I know how much you miss your Mom. I was 24 when my Mom died and almost lost my mind with grief. I kept dreaming that she was alive and then when I would wake up and realize she was gone it was like her dying over and over. I wish I had been smart enough at the time to get some help, to talk to someone about it. I’m just so glad you said what you did about keeping busy. People think that’s so obvious but it’s not. It’s certainly not to a person who is depressed. For me the key has been small tasks that I can physically handle. In addition to that I have to constantly pull my brain back on task because my mind will go back to my past to any number of grief stricken situations and it won’t help my depression. Then I have to pull my mind away from thoughts of inadequacy and how much more there is to do and what I need to do tomorrow and on and on and on. I believe much of your strength comes from your heart, it’s so obvious but a great deal of your strength comes from the discipline of your mind. I’m sure part of that is from your Mom and Dad and how you were raised. They both are such incredible people. Some of it may be genetic but I guess most of it is good old boot strap discipline. It helps me so much when you say encouraging things about everyone facing depression at one time or another because it lets me know I’m not alone and to encourage me to move and get busy at something. It would seem that we need to get busy planting trees. I couldn’t help crying when you read the chapter from your book. (I wish you would read all of them to us. How’s that for selfish. It’s not enough that you wrote it and published it, now I want you to read it too). When you were reading I was remembering a movie from the 60’s I think, “Soylant Green”. It starred Charlton Heston. He was a great American actor who has passed away. The movie is about everything you talked about tonight. It is unbelievably sad so don’t watch it unless you need a good cry. Anyway, yak, yak, yak from your ALABAMA Chatty Cathy. I really just wanted to say thanks. You have so much wisdom that I don’t think you give yourself credit for. I believe that you think it’s all just common sense and it may be but we (I) still really benefit from hearing it. Sending you blessings and hugs from Bama.💖

I love your home and your story telling. You have a very peaceful and independent life with rich culture.

I love this video of peace and serenity,Love you for all video's you bring to us rather or not you know this brings much peace to our hearts and souls,.Thank you dear lady for all you do for your followers 🙏💛💜🙌 .Love and peace to you Sweet Colette and all your loved ones from. Texas USA

Came home from a busy day at work and was able to decompress while listening to your calm voice reading, thank you! I so agree with Dwayne, I strive to look for the light and be the person who cares enough to show kindness and compassion. Blessings

So happy you got to spend some time planting trees and tidying the cottage. I see the lower shelves in the kitchen have been sorted and filled, wonderful! And such a pretty bouquet to bring some cheer indoors. Blessings Colette!

Bless you colette x

That was lovely. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings about loss and regeneration. I find that I feel the same way around this time of the year too. I hope you find peace and light during these times. By the way, has anyone told you that you have a lovely voice to perhaps make an audiobook of your work? I know I'd really enjoy listening while walking. I made a new channel for my own videos here in the SW of Kerry if you're interested in following me. I love seeing your cottage no matter the season! Looking forward to watching your progress and updates this year. :) Rachel

Colette your home is getting better and better all the time. Love it to bits. Truly Fab. Love, Cathy 👍💓😘 P.S. Love You reading to Us. You taught me quite a bit today thank you

I love your new kitchen, it’s so beautiful yet rustic.

Thank you for this Collette, sending much love to you, I'm sure your mother is watching over you and smiling at all you have achieved. 🌹 Today nearly three months in lockdown has been the lowest...I too am sensitive and having lost far too many including my precious son, I found myself full of grief again today...tears turned into sobs and for the past couple of weeks (since I found you) I have been binge watching and listening to your wise messages in the hope that humanity soon wakes up in compassion for each other and our beloved Gaia...My gratitude and admiration seems like empty words but be assured they are most heartfelt. Life and death is a cycle...we are part of nature and we learn from nature if only we would open our eyes, mind and hearts...and you beautiful soul are doing just that for so many. Namaste ❤️🙏🏼❤️💐🌹🕊✨

I remember that feeling of emptiness and that lonely feeling. I enjoyed your reading.

Thank you Colette for the beautiful talk . I lost my mum 34 years ago when I was 24 and 12 days before my wedding . It would be so easy to just sit and think , but like you say we must keep busy and It really does help . My garden has been planted for my 2 mothers , for Mother Earth and the memory of my lovely mum . Sammy Bear and Beauty look lovely and cosy on your bed and Jack with his little mat . Spoilt or not...❤️. Blessings to you all xxxx

Love your new boots! Enjoyed listening to you reading from your book. Vermont went through a period in 1800s when sheep grazed all over the state and changed the landscape. The forests we have today are not the same as were here when settlers first arrived - wish I could have seen it then. So sad how man has changed the landscape.

You honor your mother's memory dearly with your plantings, what a wonderful healing and lasting legacy. I had a friend who lost a son to a tragic accident, and she planted a beautiful tree at his work place in his honor, and co workers put up a plaque. At certain turns of the wheel I set out a plate at the table for loved ones who aren't with us in body. I'm still working in balancing the land. As another poster noted insects, deer, gopher, and blights --just to name a few--have been challenges. It's been a learning process to find what works. I always tell people to listen to the earth. If something fails, or doesn't grow well, your soil needs testing and double check your region. Over time healthy soil can be built. Always listen to the land.

You know your mum will still be walking through your woodland you have created. And I know you are right regarding depression , low mood etc, get out and do something good, my garden is big for a suburb garden and I've been planting trees for a number of years now, I call it the 100 acre wood. There are about 40 various trees on it and more to go in, plus berrry plants fruit and nut trees, so my little 100 acre wood is my food forest, my piece of land that was once abused by past owners. I am an older woman like yourself, but with love for our mother Earth, we all come from her and one day we will return, the physical that is, many blessings Colette xx

Thank you for an inspiring video!!! I too am very sensitive and sometimes do too much thinking rather than doing. I needed a prompt to get going. Thank you dear!

Colette, such a lovely video. Thank you. You are so spot on... 'busy hands are happy hands' is a saying my mom used to say. Busy hands have kept me going through thick and thin. I've had a lot of fun along the way too. Love those fur babies!! Hugs, Barbara and Jerry

Love your floors Love your Life omgodest lol O my Mother passed in 2014 I hated that experiance but I loved her and still need and miss her greatly My Heart longs for her one more phone call but have to cherish the time we shared I always keep busy too but Iwear myself out sometimes You take the needed time you need to morn blessings your way !

You are one special LADY ) and I'm grateful for finding your channel😍🙋

I love your garden and cottage, and I especially love the way you garden so naturally and not manicured....Jack is also special

I don’t know anyone who is as busy as you are. So if your actually thinking more than your physically doing I’m not sure how your doing all of it. I can tell how strong you are. But that doesn’t mean you’re not going to have times when your sad and grieving for your Mom. Your very right that keeping busy is a very good coping technique. I lost my Mom when I was 24 and I didn’t think I would ever get over it. I couldn’t talk about it for about 5 years. My heart felt completely broken. Then I lost my Father 4 years later. I was an orphan at 29. For a long time I resented anyone that still had their parents. You may disagree with this but at this point in my life I don’t believe the saying that Time heals all wounds. I think we “adapt” to our losses but what I have seen in others when I look in their eyes is a broken heart that is still beating. The more losses I experience the more I believe this. I believe that in this life we will have suffering of one type or another. Losing our parents, losing our siblings, loss or betrayal by a friend or family member. The loss of a spouse through death or divorce. Then with age and or illness ultimately the loss of some level of independence. There may be lessons learned along the way but the old saying “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger “ is simply not true. I have discovered through so many losses (3 close friends to cancer), (nephew to suicide), (independence to illness),(husband to divorce), (and on and on). that as my losses pile up I am weaker not stronger. Someone said to me not long ago “I don’t know how you could stand everything they did to you in the hospital” and I replied “I didn’t have a choice “. I think that may be what people are confusing with strength. But I see real strength in you Colette and that inspires me to hang on and keep going. I could see your strength or intestinal fortitude if you like from the first video I watched. That soft sweet voice had great strength behind it. So thank you for sharing your amazing life with all of us. Blessings from Alabama 💖

I love you even more after hearing you read chapter 11 from your book! We're "on the same page!" I perceive the world the same as you do! I love and admire your tender heart and authenticity and your love for all creatures as well! We're kindred spirits! I sure wish I had some of your "DO," though! I can't seem to find mine, and not a whole lot is getting done around here! The projects keep piling up, and I can't tackle them fast enough! Oh well! I'll take a deep breath, get a good night's sleep, wake up tomorrow, and say, "Bring it!"

Really appreciated this video. I love how I learn something New it seems from each of your videos no matter how long ago you sent them out into the universe.Thank you😇

I so enjoy your videos Colette,,,raw are my favorite....as this video is raw with honesty...toughing on so much of my own life as well...thinking more than doing~~during this very sad time with the loss of your beloved Jack...know that many hearts are with you...I have what I call 'breathing tears'...they come and go with little control...I accept them now, washing away pain, leading to a clearer vision, and a new path moving forward....yes, we are strong, yet need to honor the weak, feel and then let go and get on with those little things of life...Blessings to you and a Prayer For Your Highest Good and Healing.

It's so relaxing listening to you, even when you're describing agricultural issues - we've also decimated our ag resources in the US. I'd love to find an acre for my rescues and chickens, and be self-sufficient.

Blessings-thank you!

Yes you replace your mum I loved mine so much Your a lovely person I love your voice Your doggy is so lovely And your cottage serene and beautiful I’m from Australia Not too well myself I’ve got a terrific son But lives a long way away I love your videos They are relaxing for me Yes keeping busy is good Or you Die in depression Love your life keep going love

Sending Love and Blessings of your Memories Colette🌲🌳🌱

They say you don’t have to be active. But we all deal differently. They say to embrace pain emotion in that moment. And it will shift like that nothing is forever. Blessings 😇😇❤️❤️🇮🇪🇮🇪🇮🇪🇮🇪

I think you Mother would have Loved & Appreciated How you Remembered her! I'm sorry for your loss & am glad to see how you are dealing with the feelings the anniversary brings.

Congratulations Colette, on your vision and achievements through the years; your symbiotic relationship with Mother Nature, and your strength. Bless you always ❤and of course your own mother’s dear spirit.

Thankyou and many blessings.

I'm 66 and this is the first year that I can't stand the darkness of winter. I live at 42 degrees north, while you're at 52 degrees north. We at least have an hour more of daylight in the morning and evening than you have in the winter. I can't wait for more daylight. I'm one fourth Irish, Corkles and Corcorans from Cork, with some Lano and Mayfield relations also. What you are doing is wonderful!

Coping with loss in Earth. Last Fall, I planted bushes, trees, etc. filled with enthusiasm at the discovery of Bealtaine Cottage. But the winter in Eastern Canada has been arctic and the wild animals are starving. Out of the 30-40 trees-plants-shrubs I planted, deers have eaten almost everything. All the new buds without exception, all the cedar trees (even if they were covered with burlap - I opened the burlap to find nothing inside - rhododendrons etc. etc.). All chopped to the point of no return, even plants that they usually don't eat. The cedars look like they have been burned to the ground. So disheartening. A few miles from Vermont, in Canada, we have beautiful forests still, but such imbalance everywhere that growing a vegetable garden, fruit trees etc. is a constant battle against insects, starving animals, diseases (Lyme disease too). I do remember planting gardens 45 years ago with the rule of leaving 10% to insects without having to get the heavy arsenal out (pheromones, special textiles to cover the rows and so on). Now, if you don't do anything, you don't even harvest one single slice of lettuce, despite best efforts at companion planting and extensive use of aromatic plants. All is eaten by slugs, exotic and non exotic bugs, etc. etc. etc.. It looks like you don't have to cope with all these problems.

K A Layne ; myself so feel the desolation and depth of your pain and sorrow 😢 yet Here you are on this marvelous vlog of Bealtaine Cottage, thank you for sharing Your heartfelt grief : and thank you Colette for your insights , More so your inner thoughts of your dearly beloved( Mother .R.I.P ) Mary Canada 🍁

Colette, on the year's anniversary of my Mother's passing, my co-workers asked me how I felt. I said, " This is all new to me, exactly what were you expecting?" Yes, I am also guilty of too much thinking! I need to get over some of those things I cannot change and deal with what remains in a grateful fame of mind. A three acre retreat can be Heaven and it can also be lonely at times I'm sure. I have to ask myself just what I'm trying to tell myself. I finished A COTTAGE ON THREE ACRES.. A good telling of your initial journey to Ireland. Sustainability is not going to cure what ails me. We are sustainable on our working farm, but it does not sustain my spirit...there is still a missing piece.This video is 2018. What has changed for you in 2021 Colette? Blessings ~ Diane

Totally agree and have experienced the same :)

Thank you for sharing💜

Beautiful ! Thank you......

Love for you Colette x

This is so lovely. I just enjoy all you do 📖 📕 🍪 🥧 📚 🍲 🍜 🍵 🕯

I have missed you for the past few days but totally understand. Thanks for sharing some of your book too. More determined to buy it than ever, as soon as. It is so sad that trees are STILL being removed in the name of 'progress' too. On our estate, 'they' have squeezed in over 200 homes on what was once a gorgeous green with woods on it. There still is a piece of it, but the view is gone...My garden will never make up for it but I'm planting anyway.....x

just found your channel a few days ago and am binging on them bigtime..your home is beautiful...i love your story telling ability..and the stories themselves...keep them coming ..thanks

I know that feeling o so well and do what you do my love to you Collette xx

Hi Collette, beautiful Jack, Sammy Bear and Beauty ❤️sending you a warm hug and lots of love to you all, I love your super new wellies too!! 🌈🍄✨🌹🌻

Your kitties on your bed is adorable🐈🐱

I am a relative newby to your channel and catching up with some of your past work. Your giving great advice, yes its about balance. Stop that stream of thinking Really enjoying your videos and will catch up with your books at some stage.

I don't miss my Mom. I miss the person she was before she got so old. It was a good run .

Have you watched the show "Rosemary & Thyme" yet? It's a cozy mystery series I think you'd enjoy and best of all it's on RU-vid! Enjoy!

❤️❤️❤️

Can you be my new auntie? I love how real you are! And your cottage looks like heaven.

if those dog bookends are made of plaster, 5 : 27 their what used to be given as rewards at fairgrounds, i you got enough wins, the china ones were victorian, porcelain and china are the same thing, but bone china is diferent

Ova kuca se zove sam svoj majstor i ima topao ugodaj. 🌾🌸🍀🐞 👍🌟✨

I know this is off topic.....but I love your mosaic tile floors. Did you do them personally? Or how did they come to be?