"situationships are just another manifestation of men exploiting women for free emotional labor" --- IM SCREAMING. go off my educated philosophical crochet queen 😩
My guess is you reached the right conclusion-situationships aren’t for you. Actually, they don’t sound good for anyone. Better off in a friends with benefits arrangement. At least then, you have a real relationship (the friendship) as a foundation. This other thing isn’t even a real thing-there wasn’t a word for it because men and women didn’t twist themselves into pretzels to find a better name for what sounds like an extremely low-cost escort-style situation. When a couple starts one of these non-relationships, they’re telling each other, “you’re good enough to sleep with and maybe hang out with sometimes, but I wouldn’t even want you as a friend, let alone a lover or more. Because we grow to love and have deep feelings for our friends. So you’re basically sharing your body and time with someone who doesn’t value you much at all. And I’m NOT judging you. I’ve made plenty of mistakes and have done things others might not do. But I’m really happy you decided not to go that route again. Love yourself. Demand to be treated with kindness and respect. And don’t settle for someone or something you clearly don’t want. ❤ You seem like a beautiful person. I’m sure the right guy will come along eventually. Meanwhile, I recommend a puppy. They’ll be loyal until the end and never let you down. 😊
Hi Grace! Love watching these. At the beginning of these “knit with me’s” could you please mention the yarn being used and what you’re working on briefly?
Him refusing to admit he's developed feelings for you (or only admitting it when he's drunk then telling you he didn't mean it when he's sober) is legitimately heartbreaking lol. That combined with the fact that all of my mates' support amounted to 'you're just down bad' or 'it's not even a relationship, why do you care' makes me feel like I can't even say I relate - like maybe it wasn't a situationship and I'm just dumb
Was in a situationship in my 20s. Got back together with him in my 40s. The best relationship. Worked out those emotional growth and expectations stuff with other people. We each just learned how to not completely screw over a good thing because of a big emotion.
As much as I appreciate the advice the rest of youtube has about HEALING from it, it's so comforting to hear someone actually talk about how it feels, the embarrassment, the difficulty to get over it, knowing you deserve more...thank you! this did wonders
Those are Sh*tuationships.. 😂 That's what I like to call them... Wish these were longer! 💖 Thank you for being so open and honest and sharing, even though you said you wouldn't lol. You are one thousand percent correct on everything... I feel in every situationship. You both go in, positive on being able to put those barriers up but it is 99.3 percent guaranteed that someone will cross those barriers and catch feels.. I will admit, for some, I will get too attached and hope being open and intimate with someone will suffice my needs and I end up wanting more and must end it.. Guys always make sure its great in the beginning... give it 6-8 months... I feel like what I'm looking for, I could get from a therapist and just figure out the intimacy part as I go lol. Nobody really talks about this topic. We need more honesty and openess! It helps everyone! To know we're not alone dealing with this shit. Lol 💖
The science you mention at around the 9:15 mark is literally partial reinforcement (in psychology!!) The behaviour becomes more consistent if the individual isn't sure there is going to be a reward or punishment :')
i love these unraveled episodes, i find your voice to be very soothing and your opinions on these different topics are really interesting and fun to hear. can't wait for the next one! 💕
You’re so intelligent I love listening to you think about things from so many perspectives!! I super relate to your feeling about wishing you didn’t try so hard to find someone cause when you don’t it’s so discouraging, plus dating culture rn is crazy
I firmly believe that no matter what your previous situationship experiences taught you, you wouldve eventually learned it by yourself.My heart goes out to previous victims of situationships❤❤
This isn't talked about enough. Such a very real thing that's often dismissed either by others or our own self. Your insights and vulnerability are appreciated. You made it feel like I was having a convo with a friend ❤ Looking forward to your other vids to come
This was an amazing video Grace! I felt really seen in your first story (rip to us) so thank you for being vulnerable. Please keep making these Crochet with Me podcasts, I love them so much😭🤍
I almost never leave comments on stuff, but I had to let you know that this was the most insightful podcast I’ve listened to in a while. I was actually listening on Spotify and pulled up the YT because I wanted to leave a comment for you. I really appreciate you recording this, and I hope you make more dating-related content! You put into words so many emotions and thoughts that I couldn’t figure out how to label and describe - so much so, that I am literally listening a second time and taking notes so that I can reflect more deeply on my experiences. Imo you can really tell how exceptionally smart you are through the podcasts, so it’s a good medium for you ☺️
Thank you for sharing! Haven’t been to smth that would define itself as situationship, but was a couple of times (yes, I don’t learn from my mistakes) in love with a friend. Even though I every time managed to shawl my feeling down the throat and keep the friendships, that was hell of a painful experience. Even my divorce went smoother and without much hurt feelings 😂 All because of the damn “what if” play in the head. When “what if” turns to “this is it” the burden becomes much more manageable.
I have literally said the same thing about how I was treated in some situationships. Context I was in an open relationship. But regardless many of these men, because I was not their girlfriend and that was SO clear on both sides they didn’t treat me well. I’ve told someone that you should give me the same respect you would a good friend. Like why am I the tester dummy for your “real” relationships in the future.
I've been vibing with this so hard high key. But I'm always interested in what you're currently working on in them! Maybe before getting into whatever you're talking about, let us know what you're working on :)
I love getting to know you more and the wisdom you're imparting from your experiences. We're never too old to learn only it would've been nicer to have learned things earlier. I'm so glad you've discovered your own worth whilst you have plenty of living yet to do. And what are you making there?!
Super interesting to listen to as someone who has exclusively been in long-term relationships. I feel like I would be too stressed out by the uncertainty...
I just want to say I logged into my RU-vid account just to like and comment on this cause this is arguably the best video I’ve watched in my adult life and also my first RU-vid comment ever
WAIT GIRL u worked in PE?? Woaha. We need a podcast about ur education and career! Would really love to hear ur perspective and your journey while crocheting🤭 I’m currently in my junior year of hs and I want to pursue IB
you fill the 'older sister youtuber' void that i've been missing since ashley (bestdressed) left youtube!! i love hearing ur thoughts and opinions and seeing the things you create :)
Emotional labor: When I was in high school some guy told me I was a girl he would sleep with but not date when I said I liked him and then the NEXT DAY tried to get me to comfort him about failing his driving test and I was like "why do you think i would care I'm not your girlfriend you made that so clear"
dating has always been so complicated, even back in the day, it seems 😅 but I think these complications are exacerbated by the “fast-ification” of today’s society. like… the rate at which men can take advantage of women and therapy-speak their way out of accountability has only accelerated.
I once had a situationship/fwb ask me to be his official girlfriend just, like, two weeks after I told him I was done having sex outside of a serious relationship. That showed me how much hookup culture and situationship culture is meant to serve men. I'm not trying to pretend that women don't enjoy hooking up or mere situationships, but even then it seems so one-sided. Often it feels like these men 100% are either using you for sex or they're using you for unreciprocated emotional labor and it sucks. :/
'it's embarrassing to have repeatedly put yourself on the line and given people access to yourself and have nothing to show for it' girl get out of my brain
Love the video, obsessed with your podcasts 🎉 random question: I have the same mic as you but my audio doesn’t sound nearly as good. What settings do you have it at? I pick up a lot of white noise like breaths and even my lips moving. Tried using a mudder but noticed you don’t even need that for yours! 😭
You sound like a very emotionally intelligent and insightful person. As for men available at first and then suddenly distancing sounds like a typical avoidant attachment behavior, have you heard about it?
The problem with hookup culture is that women see situationships as a trial period for a relationship. That's not how casual works. Casual is meant to stay casual. Then, women get upset when men aren't interested in more. Baby, that's what you signed up for. If you are going into casual with ulterior motives, unspoken expectations, or the inability to not catch feelings. You shouldn't do it.
You are not unlovable that’s the first. Second, all the bad is gone with the wind. Start new and meet older men that are mature enough to handle smart women. Thirds…. ONSs are always disappointing. TNSs can get better. But the third time it can be so good you get feelings. The problem is that gen z and others want to have their options open for better things to come. And that is disgusting.
So thankful for this since I’m getting back into dating again and I fear being in a situationship, but there’s so many signs to look out for that I’m aware of now and can protect myself & energy, thank you! 🩷
I firmly believe that no matter what your previous situationship experiences taught you, you wouldve eventually learned it by yourself.My heart goes out to previous victims of situationships❤❤
