"They want to enslave the adorable new alien friends? Well that just won't do!" *Proceeds to go absolutely ape-shit, would make our primate ancestors proud*
"I heard you struck my Yukak. May I ask why?" "Well, sir, it's because they tried to enslave the space otters, and, well, the humans took offense." " ...oh! "
A fundamental rule of humanity. If you are our friend, then there is very little we will not do for you. If you are our enemy, then there is very little we will not do to you.
@@chrisb9143 Yeah, at that point the geneva convention becomes a to do list full of beautiful suggestions on how best to exterminate the vermin. Which is why we would probably have asked any alien to sign the space version of it right there during first contact if viable. Anyone who does not sign it is liable to experience the geneva suggestion instead of being bound by the geneva convention, if they piss us off enough. XD
"Wait, you're telling me almost every species in the universe is a giant crab?" "Well, some are more like lobsters." "MA! GET THE FTL DRIVE WARMED UP! AND BUY MORE BUTTER!"
Crab aliens: "The humans have a weakness for furry creatures, so we'll cover ourselves with fur to put them off their guard!" Humans: "AAARGH! Giant tarantulas!!" (Stomp! Stomp! Stomp!)
Ah yes, the paradox that is being near apex predator and prey. Protective and survival instinct combined into one with adrenaline to give that extra oomph.
Xenia: *come for slaves* Humans: *adrenaline.exe has activated* *WARNING PROTECTIVE AND SURVIVAL INSTINCTS.EXE AND INSANE MENTALITY.EXE HAVE ACTIVATED*
That ending reminded me of that line from the story Child's Play, "Congratulations Ruagari, you lost a war to children with a debilitating sickness. It would be funny if it wasn't so sad."
Ah, I remember that one. That part was pretty badass, but the story as a whole is pretty messed up when you think of the implications of what happens next.
Thank you for reading my story! It's great to see everyone enjoying it! Back in high school, we needed community service every year to graduate so I figured if a bunch of students are on the warpath they might as well cover their bases. They just needed the people they 'serviced' to sign something. I hope to start my own youtube channel as soon as I figure out how to get around the fact I can't draw or animate. Hopefully, I will have more stories for people to enjoy.
The only thing that saved the Yukuk, is they very luckily didn't get a chance to even hurt one of the cute and cuddly space otters in front of the humans. If they had, there wouldn't be any Yukuk left to surrender.
"What happened to this one?" "It fell down the stairs 27 times" "27 times?" "At that point it wasn't worth scraping it up for another go." "Ah, alright then."
Ah, humans being sweet and gentle with their allies while tearing enemies limb from limb. Now those are the kinds of HFY/'humans are Space Orcs' kinda stories I can get behind.
I imagine that the adults took over the former slaver empire once the kids had to go home. Remaining Yukuk leader: "You're leaving?" *imagines that they can go back to their slaving ways once the monsters leave* Ashley: "Yep. We have to go home. But don't worry, the grownups will be taking over from us." *giant hulking power armor that utterly dwarfs Ashley steps into view* Ashley: "Isn't that right, Daddy?"
Yukuk Leader: Wait, you all weren't even adults... *Starts having a minor nervous breakdown* Ashley: Nope! Still got another few years to go for that Every sentient species in the Galactic Community: Note to self, Humans are terrifying even as adolescents and the adults only take that further. Under no circumstances provoke the homocidal space monkies
It's how nature made us cute=young young=future anything threatens young/cute MUST, with extreme prejudice, either be taught the error of its ways or eliminated, lest it become a threat later
@@paulhuston9991 there's a reason most dangerous animals instinctively fear humans, our ancestors removed enough of those that didn't from the gene pool
The Space Crabs wouldn't like my family. Aside from my mother's side of the family (and by extension, my step-father's) EVERY household in my family has at least 1 Crab Pot, except my Sister, who has only just moved into her own place. And Christmas isn't Christmas without a Mud Crab in the middle of the table.
"Like most species in the galaxy, they had evolved into crabs" This made me laugh so hard. To those who dont know, "crabs" have evolved multiple times on earth. Thi gs keep turning into crabs. Half the crabs we call crabs are from different evolutionary branches. Itd be simple convergant evolution if it had happened once or twice...but .. It keeps happening.. Thus leading to the joke amongst people interested evolutionary biology that tue crab is the ultimate form for organic life, and everything will eventualy evolve into a crab.
Yeah I have read a couple papers about that and seen a few presentations. The thing is no one really knows why everything seems to eventually evolve into a crab. But hey, we just need to make sure we keep cows around so we can keep up the supply of butter.
Maybe the Crab form is the best one possible for a bentonic predator, much like the croc form is the best for aquatic ambush predator AND the fish form is the best to swim?
@@VadulTharys well i mean the formula seems straight forward right? getting beaten the hell out of at school? 'this case the ocean' well just bring a riot shield. whos ganna hit you now. oh no someone found away around said shield. bring a gu- i mean. "defense tool" and boom now your a badass tank with claws. oh. you taste really good? dam that sucks for you. OH SHIT THERES BUTTER?! DEVOLVE! NOW GET OUT OF THERE!
Y'know, we might have defended the crabs against slavers if they weren't slavers. Heck, I could see us looking the other way if they hunted the adults for food(unlikely, but I could see it; natural order and all). But kidnapping baby otters for slavery? No. We'll serve you up with butter and cornbread. If it's other space otters kidnapping the babies, we'll use BBQ sauce. For all things cute and cuddly!
Was another HFY story I stumbled across a few months ago, the galaxy's most feared race attacked and killed a ship with human school kids on a field trip and broadcast it to the galaxy. Their extermination was quick and total.
Funny thing us crabs ain't even that bad looking. I mean, still creepy, especially if they're big as us. But honestly fungus and actual insects are far more disgusting. But good on that crab guy for recognizing that humans' long experience with domestication has ingrained in us a protective drive for allied species almost as strong as that we show our children. "This was the first time an entire sapient species was adopted wholesale by another." -Exceprt, "Humans Are Weird Monsters; or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Cuddles."
"Yeah you see they come and steal our children cause it's easier to train them young" .............. "Human are you alright?" Eye begins twitching. "Human...?" *Rage ⚠️* THEY FOCKIN WOT?!?
That was probably one of the better ones I've listened to. Especially at the end when you find out they're actually juvenile delinquents there to do community service. Edit. The original author has commented and said that I am Incorrect and it was a requirement for the school that they have extra credit.
that also makes the competence with improvised weapons seem more believable. Humans can do a bunch of cool stuff but that's usually with experience or some specialization; a lot of the stories just go with "this is what people have done in the past so this random person can do that too" rather than building a general idea of the person's capabilities- I know that the stories would be a lot longer if they went over the back ground of ever human.
@@calvingreene90 while that is true, some of those high schools are also the schools where they send the delinquents. I suppose anybody could take the story any Direction they want I just kind of prefer it from my perspective.
An entire space empire got felled by a few juvenile delinquents and a construction crew on a space otter colony. Just imagine what would have happened if an actual Militia or the actual Military got involved.
The funny thing is, that is exactly the reason that they would actually want to surrender to a group of kids specifically. The military would have no grounds for retaliation.
And that was college students,... I dare say the far more violent military would have crushed them so quickly and throughly that wouldn't have even been able to surrender. It would have been over before it was even on.
considering that most recruits are only 18 - 19 when they join, college students are older. As for community service, I could fill a battalion from soldiers who got in minor trouble and had to do some community service, mostly disorderly conduct on a Friday night.
You kill a Human, we'll hunt you down and put you to trial, where you'll be severily punished. You kill one of our fluffy cute and cuddle companions? You won't even get to have a trial.
Even if I know that the one giving orders should be in their late teens at the youngest I keep imaging a 10 year old girl screaming "KILL! PROTECT THE CUTE & CUDDLY!!"
If you are are friend there is almost nothing we will not do for you. If you are our enemy there is almost nothing we won't do to you. --- From somewhere on the internet. Ps. Enslaving children makes you our enemy. Cute and cuddly children doubly so.
"Who's bringing the butter?" I'm picturing that young girl absolutely murdering that giant crab and asking for butter after. Sure she would like a snack after all that fighting, though.
Ashley: No retreat, no surrender and for the love of everything cute and cuddly...no mercy.(Doom music kicks in) Don't be a tasty looking crab alien slaver...we will bring butter and lemon
Humans may not make good pets, but cute and cuddly aliens could do a lot worse than allowing humans to consider them as pets!😉 I loved the line about the misunderstanding about the crab festival. 😁 I could see most of the races in the galaxy being crabs becoming a problem down the road, however. 😋🍴🍲
@@VadulTharys pets are property of their master which can be traded or sold meaning treating a intelligent being like a pet is not really different than treating them as a slave
4:12 This diplomat's first instinct, upon meeting a new and hithertoo unknown alien species, was to approach them rapidly and manhandle their children. Fucking humans, man.
They surrendered to the students in 6 miners. The human military didn’t get involved apparently or it would have been over in 1 month. Tell the people in the Northeast of the US and that empire would be gone in a week.
"To the Coalition of Armed *Student Volunteers*." They weren't even a primarily military force, rather they just armed themselves and won a war against a slaver race. Shows exactly what humans are capable of.
"I do not love the sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I only love that which they defend." -Faramir, son of Denethor, Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien.
...I know it's wrong to eat sentients but they were trying to hurt the space otters.. and yes I did bring some genuine terran spices. If the space otters dont twll I'm not telling either.
At least they didn't make it to my old AF headcanon sci-fi civilization, those guys would casually check if there are otters onboard, and then proceed with making a mess from those crabs. TL;DR idea was kinda dimension-hopper race making alliances with various fictional universes they stumbled upon, based on what I was watching, reading or playing. Following scene is an example of possible outcome, not nearly as hillarious, but properly showing how lucky those space crab Batarians are: *Slaver ship appears* -Psy-corps, any sings of our otter friends on ship? *One of techie things on ship hull moving, and a group of psionics doing a collective ping using amplifier tech* -Ping returned negative, sir *With malicious change in voice on "systems intact"* -Then pop that ship, I want their systems intact -Call in one of our Hammerheads, I want the Yamato shot to their engine, and a virus in life support running rampant *Space otter is in shock* -W-what do you mean? *Person in question gives malicious smile to holo-comms* -Well, Command said they wanted systems operational, when I pop that craft, nothing about the crew, and struggling for air as they're running for their voidsuits, means no one will be there to fight or get any other stupid ideas And that be same people who's been acting like a girl who seen adorable kittens when around otter younglings
"oh... so the space crabs are slavers who want to take the space otter pups? how about we give them something different?" *proceeds to go ape-shive on any space crab dumb enough not to run back into their ships*
"humans are weird monsters... end of story" humanity summarized, abridged version Though I have to wonder what the aliens would have done if the humans had send them some delicious recipes... like crab rangoon.
i wonder how we'd react to a species of heartmeltingly adorable aliens who'd also use their looks to prey upon other species like Xenomoprhs or Ashen or something. I imagine we'd want to eardicate them for their transgressions against all pure cute and cuddly things?
@@JimmyAgent007, I might need to reread this to actually know what I'm talkin about, lol,, but I recall it was some very good writing, and a great story! Good job buddy!
and hence forth the galaxy learnt to fear the war cry of ''FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING CUTE AND CUDLY!'' I just.... for some reason it gives me the mental image of a drooling slaving horde of orcs fighting each other looking up as something catched ther attention seeing a kitten who's owner died being picked up by some infiltrator crab alien.. and suddenly like riples on water all orcs stops fighting each other and charges the kitten eating one with rage making ther previous screaming and mutilating violance of each other look like a court dance XD
@@TrueFork the human diplomatic corp, Cried. Then Laughed. Then ripped out their hair. Then Laughed while Crying. All while the students received the highest civilian honors from the government.
Alien: you glassed 6 of our world's over 6 children. Human amabassador: we have said it so often it's a cliche, Our children mean the world to us. We never it was our world. The Geneva convention isn't a list of war crimes. It's our list of things we know work to effectively. It's to protect us from ourselves not you from us.
Listen I'm recently started a divorce and fell heavy into ❄️ abuse. I'm now battling for my life divorce drive me to substance and that pushed my children away. My new gf ran around while I was at work and laughed about it behind my back to her pals and did for 6months plus numeric guys like at least 2 a month at least 2 a month.....this channel keeps the gun out of my mouth every damn night. Thank you
"So what did you do for your community service requirement?" "Oh, you know, destroyed an alien slave empire because they were stealing baby space otters. You?"
As a vegetarian, the crab fest doesn't appeal to me, but I can totally get on board with the "for everything cute & cuddly" sentiment. Ambassador Pul's children sound otterly adorable. 😉
