DATING DAMAGED MEN - STOP Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People!!

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Are you ready to level up your life emotionally, romantically, and financially?
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Malcolm "MJ" Harris is a bestselling author, entrepreneur, and global influencer, helping millions of people to thrive emotionally, romantically, and financially. With appearances on Oprah, USA Today, and Black Enterprise, MJ reaches over 20 million people every month. As the CEO of the MJ Harris family of companies, one of America’s largest Black-owned financial services firms, he is committed to empowering lives through relatable content and actionable insights. Grab a copy of my bestselling book at www.MJHarrisSpeaks.com and join me for motivational storytime, relationship advice, and life-changing financial tips.
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Опубликовано:

28 сен 2024

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Комментарии : 1,1 тыс.

@MJHarrisSpeaks 3 года назад

What is the most frustrating part of dating/relationships?

@CoachLove 3 года назад

Phoniness... Spirit of "prove yourself." Playing with me like my name is "toy." Inconsistency. Liars. Just the devil at work!!!

@jhoselyng184 3 года назад

@@CoachLove Amen!! A narcissist .

@MelaniaRose 3 года назад

People dumping their emotional baggage on you , jealousy, gaslighting …

@aggie47 3 года назад

Broken unhealed boys who have no idea of wat they lookin for yet act like they do🤦‍♀️! It's exhausting

@HelloMyFavoriteVids 3 года назад

This topic...

@aggie47 3 года назад

"Everybody ain't healed and everybody ain't ready" I felt that!

@funnygirlever 10 месяцев назад

Me too! 😂😂😂😢😢😢😂😂

@PsychedPerspective 3 года назад

Narcissistic behaviors have similarities with emotionally unavailable/emotionally manipulative behaviors I’ve noticed

@Loluxmarie 3 года назад

This here is it

@sp4rkle81 3 года назад

💯

@Refining1 3 года назад

Absolutely. Makes it very hard to know which one you're dealing with, but both are toxic.

@PsychedPerspective 3 года назад

@@Refining1 agreed. I’m realizing regardless of the type I don’t want it and I’m not dealing with a person that’s like this. I wasted 7 months before 3 years ago. Never 👎🏽 again.

@empress_highpriestess3307 3 года назад

Naturally - to be narcissistic is to be emotionally unavailable and manipulative

@andreavictory1334 2 года назад

I believe the emotionally unavailable people come into your life knowing that their motion Lee unavailable they just want the perks of being with you but none of the responsibility

@kellshe1026 3 года назад

I am going to put that on a tee shirt! " you may want me, but are you ready for me?"

@Elaine-ee1eh 3 года назад

💥 boom ❤️

@f3042 3 года назад

Lol that would be like wearing your emotions on your sleeve. People don’t have to know what you’re thinking/feeling.

@ellenbettenhausen7449 Год назад

"You can't love them through their pain" That's powerful!! ❤

@Denise_Cocoa 3 года назад

Whenever I’m a space where I’m emotionally unavailable, I LEAVE PEOPLE TF ALONE!!! I take myself off the market. It’s really not that hard.

@lkasjddasjlk4350 2 года назад

Right? Guys are dumb

@francescabostic5150 2 года назад

It really isn't that hard. I am the same. Dedicated to your goals and working on self is very important.

@francescabostic5150 2 года назад

I keep saying this.

@samanthamakhafola3014 7 месяцев назад

Well said

@littlelily4 5 месяцев назад

Same...I can't understand men who act like that I'm 30 and some older men still play that stupid game

@oneofakind2276 3 года назад

Did all the that, believed all the lies, then they married someone else. I feel blessed and protected

@nicoleono2326 3 года назад

This was the BEST speech you've ever given. So many points were brought up and described how emotionally unavailable people think that many other therapists merely scratch the surface of. I'm saving this video so that I can remind myself that IIII am not the problem if I'm being pushed away by that particular person.

@NyNativeTv 3 года назад

Like attracts like. Spot an emotionally unavailable woman....I dont "Need " a man attracts a man that wont/dont need you. I dont got time for a man, Im raising kids, starting a business, going on girls trips attracts a man who wont sacrifice time for you. Ladies its simple, We get back what we put out honestly. Change your mind, change your world! IT STARTS WITH YOU!!!

@dr.loriswainpsyd199 3 года назад

🗣BEST VIDEO EVER!!! You said 'someone is gonna break up today with their partner"....I did...Thank you thank you thank you!🌻

@tammejohnson6885 3 года назад

This just popped up.. I am sooo glad to see you and hear these words of wisdom. Continue to be blessed in All your endeavors!

@adamk2101 3 года назад

I literally watched this twice…just broke up with someone for this reason. I love you so much

@tammejohnson6885 3 года назад

@@NyNativeTv ppl make time for those they "want". I dont "need" and dont want a man to "need" me. Been there done that. Been engaged to needy men. Be self sufficient as i am and Want me in your life as I want you. Just my perspective. 😊

@manunascimxnto 3 года назад

i'm going through something similar with a guy, we both felt a big sexual attraction the moment that we met each other for the first time, last year, and we're friends now. i know that he wants me, but i also know that *he's not emotionally ready* for me, and even though i like him, i deserve someone *emotionally better* 💅 so girls, he might be cute, but deeply in your heart and in your intuition YOU KNOW when he's worthy or not worthy, be aware!

@70Mishi 2 года назад

Bingo! Especially if they tell you the reasons their last relationship was unsuccessful due to their emotional unavailability. Big red flag.

@Banzii_Mavuso 2 года назад

You said it!

@tre_4 2 года назад

@@70Mishi , This !!

@gabrielleelizabethh 2 года назад

omg same!!! this video came right in time 😢

@shellymarlenemartin2779 3 года назад

So SOOOOO true. It’s actually the most painful, frustrating, aggravating thing to feel so perfect but find out he’s emotionally unavailable. It’s a terrible thing to fall in love with somebody who’s not ready.

@rchpahmedaahmed3703 3 года назад

I was like this before I know who can he:lp you out text he now. He can solve your problems:: don't waste your time here: you can get ex back::+ 1:9:7:2:5:3 4:8 3:9:9 whatzzp me

@grethelge8872 3 года назад

Yes!

@rosemarielawrence-ed5jz 11 месяцев назад

Oh yes very hurtful especially when u find yourself ready to give someone a chance then they start getting into there feelings

@onyekanwobu8977 3 года назад

I’m screaming at the accuracy of this because I can completely relate!

@fiae2897 3 года назад

You can say that again sis 😊

@patriciamorrison187 2 года назад

Wow wow wow wisdom speech

@evafan24 3 года назад

Ugh, this hit way too close to home. I literally just ended a 6-year relationship with a guy who has been emotionally unavailable. No amount of communicating or coaching him on how to be a better partner worked, and I realized I had to finally cut the cord even though I didn't want to. Thank you for making this video and reminding me that my decision was a good one.

@amab1853 Год назад

I totally can relate

@samanthamakhafola3014 7 месяцев назад

Wow I'm so fucking proud of you 🎉😢. You are really brave and im happy you managed to leave. I hope ur in a better place now❤

@evafan24 7 месяцев назад

@@samanthamakhafola3014 Thank you so much! I'm in a much better place and so glad I made the decision to end that relationship.

@Jesussaveme85 3 года назад

MJ I broke up with my boyfriend of 9 months because of this video and just wanted to say thank you for your insightful and wise words. Bless you!

@bcreative2772 Год назад

You deserve a million dollars for how you are able to describe these relationship types. Thank you thank you for spitting the truth. Why isn't this taught to high schoolers???

@indymg4456 3 года назад

A man who cares will not jeopardize losing u with all the emotionally dismissive stuff will not be going on

@perculiarwarmth462 2 года назад

True...especially one that tries hard to lose me with inconsistencies,poor communication,reliability,priorities I run for the hills

@j-tenn226 3 года назад

At age 30, I’m finally working on my physical and mental health and not worried about a man, and now they come running in my inbox wanting to hang out. I don’t care.

@fruitypopwhickle6806 3 года назад

Well done. Keep working on you boo. Self love is the best love.

@lindagithaiga1974 3 года назад

@@fruitypopwhickle6806 fr fr 💯💯💯

@debbiepowell5278 3 года назад

This is some grown folks knowledge, this is the truth being told!!!!🥰

@swilliams9598 3 года назад

Lord have mercy!! This video was much needed, you have totally described someone that I recently dated and he was emotionally unavailable as EVER!!! Almost lost myself dealing with that because I tried to be a savior to a lost cause. Thank God for these relationship videos that helped wisen me up!

@phillisetodd 3 года назад

PREACH!!! After years of therapy, gurus and books, you have single-handedly saved my love life. Bless you!

@lizziestokes785 3 года назад

Things were going so so well- and then 2 months in he told me he still owns a house with his ex and might end up working things out with her at some point or sell the house. I didn’t see it coming AT ALL. Emotionally unavailable for me and I cut it off then and there. It was very hard. I seem to always attract emotionally unavailable men and I thought this one was so different. Ughhh

@juliawhite7152 3 года назад

Im sorry, girl! Uggggh, i tell you, these men will make you want to stay single!! 🤦🏾

@voiceofreason1613 3 года назад

Me too

@marissa21211 3 года назад

I went through the same thing too! Smh 🤦🏻‍♀️ look I’m a firm believer of God. Lord Jesus Christ. You have to pray to God for a Godly man. A Godly man will not put you through this! In my case I was dating a guy who was a atheist. For me, I rather just turn my focus on God only. He will never fail us and love us unconditionally. I hope the best for you!

@justpeachy4380 3 года назад

I'm in the same situation. He and his ex have an extremely toxic relationship and he keeps going back. I'm too good for that.

@marissa21211 3 года назад

@@justpeachy4380 yeah walk away from all that drama! You don’t need it. ! My ex hit me up asking me to work things out and wants us to get pregnant. Smh 🤦🏻‍♀️ and he’s still with his ex gf. Block all of it!!! A REAl MAN would know what he wants and would never put himself in a position to lose you. They’ll be no space for his ex in his life.

@LifeisAisha 3 года назад

You're speaking SOLID truths in this video. Thank you for your words🙏🏾

@adiroots 5 месяцев назад

That part about there being consequences to being with an emotionally unavailable person really hit hard. Wasted many years waiting for them to truly choose me. For sure my already shaky self-esteem and abandonment issues got even worse.

@AMJ360 3 года назад

I'd rather keep being single, even though it's been about 6 years, but it gets lonely at the top sometimes. 🤭😀

@edanchak2387 3 года назад

I'm going on 8 years..it's hard meet someone who is really looking for love...games cheaters druggy..players..so is it better to ne alone then to get hurt and use..praying God has someone for us

@AMJ360 3 года назад

That's right, I'm waiting for the person that's been praying for me...

@edanchak2387 3 года назад

Yes can't marry or just date anyone you will get hurt or hurt them be even yoke

@chosennubiangoddessanunnak1391 3 года назад

Facts

@mubadadon3943 3 года назад

We love you MJ Harris, much love from FL.

@deborahdavis5709 2 года назад

I love this message. It was hard to listen to, but It gave me the strength to admit that l'm emotional unavailable and not ready to show up and be there for some else. I still have to work on myself.

@tamirrad6572 Год назад

That's IT Some men aren't ready for what you have or give. You have to just step back and do you.

@chamiltonmgb 3 года назад

I appreciate his friend... in my case it was his cousin. Cousin became my man for the next few YEARS. He's mad, the cousin is lurking in the shadows and I'm laughing at the shiggidy.

@Dekthagr8 3 года назад

Not you and the cousin!!

@jhowell7680 3 года назад

That was nice of his friend to tell you...

@dimmeg5487 2 года назад

Preach Malcolm!!! Come on Now!!! PURE FACTS I LOVE THE HONESTY

@Nurse_Kim 3 года назад

Preach!!!!! You don’t have to tell anyone to call u spend time with you at all. If they want you they will do all of that without telling them anything to do. You don’t have to convince your love to anyone. And you are right they don’t want to lose you then that’s when they try to put their all in . The problem is you meet the representative. Keep your eyes open for weeks a person an not keep up that roll for along time. So watch. Be yourself going in not what you want them to think of you. Thanks love school us.

@soulsister2144 3 года назад

Thank you for being 100 we need you King💞💞💞

@jacquelinejackson713 3 года назад

Liars and individuals are not honest enough to say what they want knowing they just want to F not looking to find something real an emotional connection something to build on nurture something that is exactly why I do not date .

@phatjay9785 3 года назад

Omg!! I recently went through something like this. I began to question myself - hot n cold behaviour, week after week, but they couldn't articulate their feelings which confused me. Talk the talk but their actions were out of line.

@Lavishdiva333 3 года назад

I was just thinking about this yesterday. I'm starting to go to meetings with other women who r going through the same thing as well.

@coachericalee312 3 года назад

He had a terrible past (as did I ) and I felt so bad! I thought that I could help him heal...I’m an S type personality and an empath so I was trying to “help” him

@mtorchia24 3 года назад

Girl me too. Stay getting hurt.

@moreen241 2 года назад

I have been dating someone for over a year now. I saw a lot of signs from the beginning but decided to give it a shot. At first he said I love you on the same week we met and i wanted to run away.. he apologized and we moved on.. Not be long on this post but as soon as I started asking questions about why I only knew one or two people on his side and no one on his family for instance it started being so stressful. He said that his family is just complex, one day he says he has talked to his mom about me, the other day he has not and that I drained him with the topic. Saying that he is not thinking about these things yet and need to fix stuff in his life..I understood and let it be...I brought up the when do you ideally want to have kids or get married? He said that he still needs to fix some part of his life, need financially stable, being okay with his job and that he is not mentally there yet. My answer to this question was literally very clear because I know what I want and aware of my emotions. Overall, as soon as we have a deep conversation he always pulls away and ask for a week or two of break/space knowing that we're already in a long distance relationship. Lol. How much space do you need? Lol. I've sincerely done everything I could to be understanding and caring. A big part of myself was telling me to ask these questions about the future to make sure that I am not wasting my time. Also having a plan with someone doesn't forcefully means that it's going to happen because God has the last word. But knowing that the person you have been dating for over a year does not even have that thought is another issue. I love and care about him. He is a good man overall, but the fact that he is not on the same level emotional commitment like me just make the whole relationship stressful all the time... once I complain about something he will be so into it all over the setting like feeding a dog and go back to his own self. No consistency. I want to be sure of where I put my time and energy in. Ive rather waste my time alone than having someone else do it.. Everything that you said about what emotionally unavailable men do is really what I've experienced. I'm asking myself if I shouldn't ask questions anymore, if I should just move with the flow without talking...

@teshkamariewalley4993 3 года назад

Right realshit be real one u always ARE

@kristyfernandez7510 3 года назад

MJ is the Truth!!!

@fashionista24lisha 3 года назад

Thank you MJ for sharing this it is really an eye opener. I had history of chasing emotional unavailable men in my past. I realized why I except the ghosting, mistreatment, lies and etc because of my own father's inconsistencies in my life. Once I put my foot down with my dad. I started to healing my inner child. I am learning it is OK to say No.

@molovely2775 3 года назад

Now you know you need to just go on and write that book!

@rosalindscotton5629 3 года назад

I know you weren't born yet but honey I needed you back in 1984. This message is powerful! I had to learn everything you said the hard way. God gifted you to heal people's emotions and behaviors in relationships. Honey you need your own talk show. I would watch you over Doctor Phil any day.😀💕

@beachlover9705 3 года назад

Yep you just confirmed it. I'm dumping that fool no more time wasters. Chile!

@RSSASMR 3 года назад

Babyyyyy nothing but FACTS going on here! Honnie I am here for the steady Eddie these emotionally unavailable men does nothing but drain your positive vibration and take you off your path This Vid is exactly what I needed to hear albeit it doesn't feel great to know you wasted 6+ years on a void but to finally let that 0 go and make your own happiness top priority This is your only life why waste it on someone who cannot give you the fulfillment you deserve🤷🏽‍♀️ Thanks for your insight it makes so much sense and fyi He totally has Mother issues and we always knew that but he's at the point of "My abusive mom is the reason certain things triggers me" Well damn if you know that how you keep that anger on 100 when you know the source of the problem🤦🏽‍♀️ None winning battle Very insightful vid funny at time too TY

@ao5624 Год назад

This is exactly what happened to me!!!! Omg!

@leewandafleming6322 3 года назад

Amen!!! Amen!!! Amen!!!

@VanySays 3 года назад

MJ Boo boo!!! i have been in a 5 day mega funk over some guy who is hot and cold and your bad a** b**** talk got me out of my disgusting wonkiness, thank you dahling!

@phyllisriley5509 Год назад

I TRULY enjoyed listening to your message. I am now Subscribed and I've got to go back and listen to ALL of your videos. I always laugh when I know Marco's about to get Told or Pranked!! Thanks for sharing!

@rachelgregory9751 3 года назад

You the realist best friend! Preach!

@dwilliams8002 3 года назад

Some people may want you and not need you and some may need you and not want you.

@jeanettacrawford110 3 года назад

MJ I want you to know I truly enjoy you, must knowledge were spoken thank you.

@Themothertruckincrocheter 3 года назад

Thank you I really needed to hear this it's really helped me overcome a toxic situation I love the things you do thank you once again

@uKanHateonme 3 года назад

MJ dropping 💎 gems. Pay attention!

@hermione6626yay 4 месяца назад

Thank you for this!!!! It’s also so timely for me!!!

@picantesalsa1088 3 года назад

Wow this is exactly what I needed to watch. You’re awesome thank you for being you. This world is so lucky to have you 💜💜💜

@ronniehicks3258 3 года назад

I love your presentation of relationship topics. You are sincere without being rough, kind and courteous always and funny as hell at the same time. You're insightful and down to Earth. Keep on, brother you are on point.

@cynthiathurman6991 3 года назад

LOVE the way you preach!! So glad I came across your channel today! ❤️❤️❤️

@TheMsjuly1980 3 года назад

I needed to hear this ❤️🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾

@YenChosen 2 года назад

You are so on point, I can resonate with all of your videos, I need to also start giving people the relationship help that God has given me the wisdom to articulate. I'm also a Pisces and we act just alike...LOL with emotions, business, etc. I love you, you are a blessing to many. I'm so happy to see how much you have evolved and you have done the heart work and your heart is so pure. I don't know if people like you and I will ever be able to be with one person because there are so many people that will need to experience the kind of pure love that God has made us to comprehend.... and I believe that he want many people to experience it. I'm so happy for you, like myself, we have learned to appreciate the experience of love.

@LovelyPeach40 3 года назад

Thats a Good friend and person cause he stop you for going forward.

@sabrinamosley6297 3 года назад

MJ EVERYTHING YOU SAID IS THE TRUTH THEY PLAY THESE GAMES THEY WANT WHAT WANT WHEN THEY WANT IT AND WILL NEVER BE READY

@BBGshop7 3 года назад

6:03 I had to hold myself accountable a couple months ago to this truth ...every word that you said was so very much true, and I just had this conversation, so this was confirmation. ❤️ This was tough, because I come from a financially difficult situation, and he is Very well off... He had been very open with me and trying, but it seems that he falls off and he doesn't ask for feedback, so I don't want to nag and/or go into a cycle of coaching. I knew what to do, but I was in a state of pause because I wondered if I was cutting it off too soon. Iwas really wondering if I was tripping, but hearing this from you was uplifting. I feel better. Thanks. And when you said "they are not here for just when you get to the destination, but they are here for the journey.." what a word..

@nitareneghaskin9077 3 года назад

You better preach today. MJ is preaching a whole word.

@doctordownsj 2 года назад

This👏🏾 IS👏🏾a👏🏾word‼️

@MsLovelyLady_53 3 года назад

Amen.. needed to hear this!!

@Godoftheturnaround 11 месяцев назад

Your such as powerful deliver of informative discussions on relationships -- if anyone don’t WAKE up listening to your advice, they have made a CONSCIOUS decision to stay asleep alright -- some women don’t won’t to wake up because if they do DRASTIC changes will OCCUR, and bottom line they have to give up their ILLUSION

@Annalise716 Год назад

This really opened my mind up 😮

@la_baby_khalil7703 3 года назад

🙏😘🙏 I LOVE YOU SO MUCH...🌹🔥🔥🔥🌹 YOU SPEAK FACTS BABY!!! 🙏😘🙏

@AbsolutelyLinda555 3 года назад

MJ you the realist 😘🙌🏽🙌🏽👑🌹

@Nyxdecay 2 года назад

🙌🙌🙌 I needed this! Thank you 🙏😀

@Jwillvera 2 года назад

100% Preach Preacher 🙌

@claudettealexis8145 3 года назад

Wow!!!! This so freakin’ resonated 💯…Going through the healing process now as we speak..Not feeling my best from time to time, but I’m pushing forward and I know & believe greater is coming!!..(1) of the things that stood out to me after separation & thinking about all the red flags, but ignored was, “I prayed for you but I didn’t know you were going to come so quickly”…He wasn’t ready!!!..Definitely emotionally unavailable!!! 🤦🏽‍♀️🥺 🌟✨🙌🏽🙏🏽💖✨🌟

@day-dreamer1313 3 года назад

I feel like you're talking directly to me rn. Like this was for me specifically. I was trying to say this to my SO yesterday. I don't want to coach any more. If we can't align naturally, then I don't want it.

@MsRocW 3 года назад

Thank you so much for this. This really help me for real..

@crystalssuch6818 3 года назад

Thank you. You are 100% accurate.

@onyekanwobu8977 3 года назад

This was so good MJ! You said it alllllll ❤️

@Bubagigant 3 года назад

We all need a friend like you to keep it real!!! Thank u!

@majorsolutionsllc 3 года назад

Thank you MJ for always being so genuine and transparent. It really helps a lot. Yes....you are entertaining, but your sincerity is beautiful sir. This is so pure...truthful and real that it's bringing tears to my eyes. Not sad tears.....tears of truth MJ:)

@hazellawrence568 Год назад

You right it goes both ways

@candacesturtevant7139 3 года назад

I love a man far away. It doesn't even count as a real thing, does it? When touch smell and taste are missing. There is no thing unless a person can be present in all senses. The relationship will not be real, if you cannot touch. Therefore, I am a fool.

@louiseottley4995 3 года назад

EXCATLY

@trinab903 3 года назад

Thank you MJ!

@soulinspired.2835 2 года назад

Preach MJ ...yeeeaaazzz! This video was on-point! I DM'd you on INSTAGRAM about this video👍🏾

@ladyshorty6989 3 года назад

You're right about it FROM 1 MJ TO ANOTHER💖💖💖💖😍 THANK YOU FOR SHARING LOVE. THIS IS TRUTH!!!

@saralemieux7948 Год назад

I needed to hear this. Thank you. ❤

@ensetkumba5838 3 года назад

Greatest relationship advice ever

@karienbadenhorst7265 3 года назад

Love your massages....!!!

@acutiff7125 Год назад

I found this really helpful. I’m usually the emotionally unavailable one and the part about not having to wait until you are completely healed to date but rather be willing to work on it and communicate about it. Leaning in when scared instead of leaning out. Thank you

@TawandaVance 3 года назад

It's good his friend told you because the truth set you free everyday. He was loyal to the truth and didn't allow his friendship to cloud that.

@darylp2280 3 года назад

This video showed up 2 days after something in my life happened. Thank you for these 💎.

@dvmn444 3 года назад

Wow his friend was definitely a blessing to you!!!

@patriciascott8939 2 года назад

Excellent advice, MJ!

@bisaya_in_India Год назад

Wow, very well said!

@sterling1386 3 года назад

Right fkn on. Plenty of reasons for their problems.. they cause emotional torture to 'normal people'. Excellent.

@andrychan 3 года назад

This is the pep talk i needed right now. Thank you

@albapetucco6556 3 года назад

The realness brought me to tears and transformation. Needed this.

@rchpahmedaahmed3703 3 года назад

I was like this before I know who can he:lp you out text he now. He can solve your problems:: don't waste your time here: you can get ex back::+ 1:9:7:2:5:3 4:8 3:9:9 whatzzp me

@red6hot1913 2 года назад

Powerful. I'm at the point where I'm seeing things in someone that mirror my actions but I'm struggling because it's like, I can't change them. I can only change myself but it's stuff that I don't like. He's so self absorbed, I don't think he even realizes the behavior nor does he care. This video was deep..