Dear Authors... Romance 

Always remember the kiss rule: If the charcaters have to kiss for the reader to know they're in love, they're not in love

"Shipping" real people is a disturbing thing in the first place.

Bella's personality from twilight- EDWARD EDWARD EDWARD EDWARD EDWARD BUT JACOB THOUGH NO EDWARD

It is okay to have mentally ill characters in relationships BUT please don’t act like the romance will cure their mental illness. It’s quite frankly insulting. Just because I’m in a relationship doesn’t mean my trauma and mental issues just disappear.

About the Friendship thing. An example is the scene in Harry Potter and the deathly hallows (in the movies) where Harry and Hermione dance togheter while Ron is away. I was do worried that they would kiss the first time i watched it. But then when it ended and i realized it was two friends dancing togheter, finding happiness and light even in a terribile and depressing situation. I find that scene so powerful and beautiful. And a kiss or something like would have totale ruined it

"Not every character needs to end up in a romantic relationship"... Looking at you J. K. Rowling...

I think John Oliver said it best when he said that consent is like a boxing match. If two people are up for it, it’s a boxing match! If only one person is up for it, it’s assault...

whenever you see a tender comfortable relationship, you know that one of them is going to die.

The Danny Devito thing just basically means, "Would this still be romantic if the male lead wasn't conventionally attractive?" It's a bit of a roast on Danny Devito's looks lol Edit: What's with the people under this comment explaining Danny Davito's beauty to me?! I never said he wasn't attractive, I just explained the concept, get off my case

“It’s disrespectful to the friendship and disrespectful to my marriage.” “If my value to someone begins and ends with my willingness to make out with them”. Both of these spoke to me.

"I have as many male friends as I do female friends." Same. That number is zero. I get the feeling a lot of authors are the same way.

honestly, the scariest romantic trope (besides everyone has to be in love with each other and friendships are not allowed) is the trope were Person A can not function and is unstable without Person B, like, the author may not say 'Person A is unstable and will probs put themselves in danger without Person B in their life b/c Person B is their therapist/only life line to happiness or sanity, but it's definitely there. It's not cute. It's a horrifying situation to be in.

It is completely fine and dandy to ship any fictional characters you want. To ship real people, especially when one or both of them is in a relationship with another person is simply harmful and disturbing.

I would love to see more love triangles where the two men decide to stop chasing the woman who can't decide between them, and run off into the sunset to bond as best friends. More bromance resolutions from love triangles, please!

A random observation, but when there is a good relationship, I see a lot of people in the fandom praising the heck out of the man...just for doing things that all good people should do. Like there’s one series where one of the male characters has so many good qualities. He goes above and beyond. But the one thing people bring up most about him is when he asks for consent or lets the girl make her own choices. Like...there are so many good qualities but he’s being praised just for doing things all good people should do? Nah

Relationships are like villains, romance for the sake of romance can be just as tacky as evil for the sake of evil. Whether it's love or hate or any other emotion out there, it has to come from withing the characters rather than put into them.

I actually want more failed relationships. Things didn't work out, not because of drama but because they got together during stressful time and needed one another at that moment, but when everything calmed down they just didn't fit. And it's ok. And they still have that shared history that will make them friend forever, just no longer lovers. And the first time one of them find someone else to love romantically, the other automatically feel jealousy bubbling up inside of them before shutting that down real quick, reminding themselves they have no right to be jealous and that this is a good thing, for both of them. They become even better friends after that.

When the boring love interest takes over the main story and overshadows the actual cool story.

each finding the other attractive does NOT equal chemistry between the characters~ wish romance would develop relationships based on the characters' interaction rather than based on their sexual tension i have hope more authors will write romance as such 😁

Re: the miscommunication trope... I hate it when a cpl breaks up due to second hand information. Like ‘dude, she told me to tell you she hates you and never wants to see you again’ and he just oh okay guess we’re broken up. C’mon! How am I supposed to root for two ppl who believe anything bad about the person without even asking them.

Dear romance authors, make us care about the couple. Make us root for their relationship. And if you are planning to make a sub-plot about them, offer equally character development and personality.

All of this made me think that the publishing industry should divide romance novels into 2 groups. Romance and Lust. I'm sure sales and reviews will improve if people understood what they are getting into.

I think my biggest pet peeve with romance is when you know you've met the love interest because the badass main character turns into a useless blob the second they see/meet the love interest for the first time. Or the hardened character having to say the words, "what is this feeling?" Like love is a whole new concept to them that they've never before felt and they can't comprehend it. I cannot take that character seriously.

The problem with every character coupling is that everyone's timeline is in sync with the main love interests', thus reducing the agency of those characters.

As an author I'm just over here ticking all the boxes making sure my couple matches these lol

Yes I hate the cheating/lying trope!!!

I hate books where the female main character can't choose between two guys for most of the series. And instead of the guys just giving up on her, they just keep being in a waiting position and try to win her over by flirting and being jealous. It is disrespectful and mean on her part and just sad on their part. And I hate when one of them needs to go away for a while for some reason so she starts developing a deeper relationship with the other until the first comes back again. Then she ignores all the progress she had with the other and goes back to love triangle.

Also when did “just friends” become such a commonly used term? As if a friendship relationship is somehow less than a romantic relationship.

I hate it when they go through all this trouble of getting a character in a relationship then next season they've broken up for unexplained reasons. It's not that it's unrealistic but it happens too many times that it's become a cliche.

I want relationships with less angst and less insta-lovey. Where the relationship is developed because of shared beliefs, or interests, and not just because of hotness or destiny or some bs. Case in point - Harry and Ginny Harry and Ginny have one of the healthiest relationships I have seen depicted in stories. They trust and respect each other, they enjoy each other's company. And I love how open and honest they are with each other. They even have a similar sense of humor. I think the reason people don't think it's romantic is because there isn't a whole bunch of drama and angst building up to their relationship. No misunderstandings, and fights, and all that. But that's why I love them. It's a very playful, fun relationship. The more people say they hate Harry/Ginny, the more I love them :) They also share a traumatic experience. Even Ron and Hermione can't even begin to imagine what Harry has been through. But Ginny understands him in a way no one else can. Plus, their shared love of Quidditch brings them together!

One of the reasons I love the Heroes of Olympus series so much is that you get to see one of the couples from the original series AS a couple, working together, and being cute. I'm sucker for books where they get together halfway through the series and then you get to see them working together through the rest of it.

"Not every character needs to end up in a romantic relationship" My aromantic heart couldn't agree more. Romance is not the only thing that can make a person happy and not everyone needs it!

You talking about people shipping you with your male friends even though you’re married reminded me of other youtubers I follow. I don’t know if anyone knows them but MatPat and Rosanna Pansino. They are really good friends and constantly reffer to each other as brother and sister. Now Matpat is married and does almost daily live streams with his wife and has a son that regularly appears on his social medias and Ro has a long term boyfriend who also regularly appears in her videos and social media so there’s literally no way you could ever see those two as single. However EVERY time they collab the comments under those videos are full of people saying they ship them together and how they’re “obviously flirting” and it has always frustrated me to no end. I didn’t know constantly saying someone is like your sibling is flirting. Also it’s just so disrespectful to their significant others. Especially when they are in the video with them. I just don’t get why people can’t comprehend that people of the opposite sex can be friends without one of them being gay. I also don’t get how these people just don’t see that them shipping Ro and Mat are being disrespectful towards their partners. I’m sorry I went on a rant here that is kind of off topic but you talking about that just reminded me of this and I got really angry.

You've seen a movie with Danny Devito. He was the dad in Matilda. You mentioned that you watched the movie when you were younger. You should pick up the book. It'd only take a day to finish since it's a children's book

Honestly awkward consent is a cute relationship building thing, two characters who’re awkward cause they’re asking each other to do the do it’s adorable

I recently realized what it is that makes me hate love triangles so much: the lack of tension. And what I mean about that is the lack of tension between the heroine and each of the two love interests. If there is no real reason why the heroine wouldn't choose guy A that has nothing to do with guy B, I quickly find myself wishing that one of the guys would disappear or die, because clearly then the heroine would just go with whichever guy is left. (I say heroine because I have yet to see a male protagonist in a situation like I've described.)

Yeah, I was going to say, aren't you married? And yet people still insist on "shipping" you with your male friends or fans? Okay, THAT is creepy. And intrusive. And insulting. Ew. People, don't pull that shit. It's rude and no one needs it.

I really like it when the characters in the eventual couple already know each other reasonably well when the story begins. Maybe they’re close friends, maybe they’re just acquaintances, heck maybe they’re already dating, there’s nothing wrong with that! I just find it so much easier to root for a couple that already has an established dynamic. Yet for some reason, we hardly ever see this. I think instalove is so common because many authors aren’t that interested in writing the “getting to know each other” phase, but they still feel like they HAVE to chronicle the romance from the first meeting onward. It’s super frustrating.

As for the just friends aspect... that is one of the things I love about the tv show Psych. In the last episode, Shawn comments to Lassiter that he believes that Lassiter is the only one who loves Juliet (Shawn's girlfriend and Lassiter's partner--they're detectives) as much as Shawn does, even though it's different. I LOVE that line, because it recognizes that the love that you share with a friend you work with and watch their back back can be every bit as strong as the love you share with a romantic partner and neither relationship needs to threaten the other.

All I want is for a story that has both straight/cis and LGBTQ+ characters that interact normally. Because it is normal. If your main character is straight, maybe one or two of their friends are LGBTQ+, and vice versa. And I also feel like some authors feel like they need to give all the LGBTQ+ characters a love interest, when a lot of the time, they really don't. Not to say that no LGBTQ+ characters can have a love interest/romance, but sometimes they want to be single. Sometimes they aren't in the right place to focus on romance. Or better yet, ever heard of aro/ace people? They exist, and they should be written as if they were normal people, because they are. All I really want is for LGBTQ+ characters to be normalized in fiction, because they are normal. When all's said and done, everyone is different, the only thing that makes you normal is the fact that everyone is different. (Also, please don't sexualize LGBTQ+ characters, that's just plain nasty)

Ok, about the coming out of the closet one. As an out lesbian, I dont think I could date someone who is still in the closet, I would never tell them they need to come out, it can be legitimately dangerous for some people. But saying that they cant date someone who's still in the closet is legit, as long as they aren't doing it just to try and force them to do something they aren't ready for.

About the fact that friendships should be able to exist without becoming romances... How you're right. Like, while reading the Gentlemen Bastards I was like "I just know people are shipping Jean and Locke together". Boy, was I right. xD

“Don’t romanticize abusive relationships, don’t make their life revolve around the girl.” DAMON SALVATORE DAMON SALVATORE DAMON SALVATORE

I kinda like funny relationships because it’s fun seeing the characters like "fight" for example the Percy and Annabeth meme when Percy proposes with a joke and Annabeth will say something like "DiD yOU juSt pRoPosE!?"

Wait. People ship booktubers??? So that's a thing I didn't know existed. Though, video idea alert, I'd love to see a video where someone ships various booktubers with books they think they would like. I've seen the opposite where a vlogger will read another person's recommended reading list.

It's actually to the point in our society that my best friend and I want to move in together soon, and we're both female and straight, but we still feel the need to say to one another, "Yeah, people are probably going to talk about us being lesbians." I'm not saying that lesbian relationships are wrong, duh, but if people automatically make that assumption about what's just a really strong friendship, it's kind of missing the point, don't you think?

For me it’s about the small things. Specially in the begging, small touches and longing for each other, and both characters learning about the other and trying to be better, be there for them. Also confessions! They have to feel earned, the late step in them forming a relationship not the begging (idk if it makes sense). As a reader I want to feel like they’re are falling in love even when the characters haven’t realized yet, I love organic slow romances, sadly we don’t get that many in YA

I'm writing a book (first ever) and it's about a guy who falls head over heals for his friend but she is dating another guy (a jerk) - I don't know how exactly, but, inspired by A Christmas Carol, I want my main character to be shown how not ending up with his friend was the best thing that could've happened to him! I want to write a love story that ends without the main character having found love, but accepting that sometimes you're better off alone!

I don't mind reading a romance book. What I dislike are books that say they're fantasy, sci-fi or historical, when the main plot point (& only plot) is romance, when that's wasn't mentioned in the blurb! If your only plot is romance, don't call it a sci-fi & nothing else!

*Merphy wants to throw hands!* Prepare to catch them! Y'all got her messed up! She loves her man! Should we stan? Yes.

I really dislike when the conflict between the two love interests could be easily solved with just a simple conversation. When our characters make wild assumptions about what the other person is thinking or what their actions mean without actually talking to them about it drives me crazy

Cheating treated as a good thing is the easiest way for me to put down a romance. Because guess what? If you cheated once and didn't learn your lesson, you'll probably do it again. And there is no way the author can convince me that this couple is Meant To Be if I expect one of them to cheat on the other down the line. Also, hard agree about seeing more romances with healthy relationships, where the drama is external. There's nothing more romantic than someone sticking with you when times are tough, with them being your rock when life is tearing you apart. Toxic relationships =/= romance. I admit, though, that I'm a sucker for all the main characters getting paired up. Example: I *loved* all the happy endings in the Lunar Chronicles. I know it's not realistic, but man is it satisfying to me.

Omg, your (almost) ranting about "everyday love" made me tear up a little. This is so wholesome!

I don't like when relationships are given out to every character like Oprah giving out cars. Also I hate love triangles in stories especially when its clear who the main couple is but they had a third person for the stereyotpical "I got two cute boys fighting over me who should I pick" trope. If your character treats relationships like a smaple platter it makes me hate them.

Shipping real people is weird. I'd be very uncomfortable. You know when you're with your friend and your mom thinks you like them and thd whole time she's just like all winky faces and stuff? Yeah. That.

I truly love it when both character have friends of the opposite gender, but their partner isn't jealous or threadant by it, cause they know better

Makes a video about romance, but can't stop talking about her husband. This is the most wholesome thing I've seen all day, and I actually wrote a breakthrough chapter for my romantic leads today.

I think Misses Napier is here to show us all how a married life is just as sweet as a falling-in-love story. They both need work, people.

Girl you need to read Percy Jackson. The relationship s are soooo great and are just your type. Percebeth- you would love it. Although they don't get together till like....the fifth book. But there relationship in heroes of olympus is AMAZING

Aw man, I was just gonna write a book called "I Got Cheated On, Aw Shucks".

The Red Queen series at the very end mentioned that two side characters had gotten together and I was like "what?" They literally had maybe two interactions and I didn't sense any chemistry.

1:48 I love how you edited that. It was like Pride and Prejudice saying 'don't forget about me Merphy , i'm here' !! 💕😂👌

Personally, one of my, if not my favorite, fictional couple of all times is Percy Jackson and Annabeth Chase (idk if this counts but spoilers for PJO and HoO I guess?), you literally cannot change my mind that they are perfect for each other. Their relationship was a slow burn that was totally worth it, we even see how much their relationship means in the sequel series. They went through freaking Tartarus together and were able to get out together. Gah, I can't even describe it but I love them, there's none of that cheating or miscommunication problems that occur (I don't care about the "love triangle" before they were dating). Literally, the conflicts that occur in their relationship is just because of other things like Hera tossing Percy across the US or them falling together. But their relationship becomes stronger because of it. They are the cutest and I love them and wish I could have a real life Percy welp

Dear readers, this playlist is actually helping me with writing - thank you! *bows*

I almost never ship real people, but I always poke holes in the box when I do

The setup works. The books don't swallow you and we get to focus on you

I write stories for my personal enjoyment. In one, I have the following scene: Set up: He's a womanizer, addicted to sex. She knows exactly what kind of man he is. He's been faithful to her since they were married, but still, she *knows* him. She knows what he is. He's about to go away for an unknown period of time, leaving her behind. As they say their goodbyes, she says: "If you need... you know. I'll understand." He takes her face in his hands and kisses the tip of her nose. "I need *you."* Later, while he's away from her, he's having trouble sleeping. He's addicted to sex and finds it hard to go without. He mentions to a friend (who had been present during their goodbyes) that he misses his wife. The friend asks, "Is it your wife you miss, or sex?" He replies, "Yes." The friend then says, "Wait. Didn't your wife say she'd understand?" "All the more reason to be faithful to her." This is the kind of thing that *I* find romantic.

Gomez and Morticia Addams, they are one of the greatest couples in fiction.

As an aspiring writer who has healthy romantic relationships in my stories, I dread people shipping them in toxic couples.

I know I'm late to the party but... there's a particular kind of love triangle that I've come across a few times, and they never turn out like I hope. The main character is in love (read: obsessed) with their main interest, but then there's this other person, often a really close friend, who is (sometimes secretly) in love with the main character. But the MC can't see past their obsession to realize that this other person has been unwaveringly loyal and loving and would be perfect for them if they'd just give them a chance. Now, I know chemistry is important, but as has been said, every relationship doesn't have to start with fireworks or be an angsty slow burn. Two examples: the Smallville TV series - Clark/Lana/Chloe, and the Tiger's Curse book series - Kelsey/Ren/Kishan. Clark and Lana had a toxic relationship and, of course, were never meant to be anyway, while Chloe loved him enough to come to peace with them being just friends. And Ren was dangerously possessive of Kelsey, while Kishan loved her enough to let her make her own decisions. On another note, I just beamed when you said, "After 6 years of marriage, everything is still awesome." I love that y'all are still in love, and you support each other, and you're each other's best friend. That's how it should be.

The platonic v romantic makes me think of The 100 with Bellamy and Clarke. Book Bellamy and Clarke had a really lovely romance. Tv show Clarke and Bellamy have a really great platonic ride or die friendship. Both felt like the same magnitude of love but in a different way. I loved it so much more than I thought I would, and it opened me up to a new perspective while reading and writing.

I wanna write a book (not anywhere near that yet) where the main character is experiencing life and things are going on at the same time as she experiences romances and then in the end she decides to be alone. I wanna highlight toxic behavior in relationships especially the covert subtle toxicity that is romanticized and how it is best to walk away from it.

**SPOILERS FOR ERAGON** “Let me string a potential romance along for 4 books, just to pull the rug out from under said romance on the literal last page” #ChristopherPaolini

The No 1 thing I love in any romance is banter! It's adorable😍 Also with agree with the drama stuff it ain't needed!😂 Loving the new setup as well!

Best romance: his dark materials, never read any so natural

I love how your husband is your champion behind the scenes. My partner is the same with my channel. I really love when characters are like this in books but I don’t see it as often with romantic partners in books (cos, like you mentioned, they get together and the book ends). I love Becky Chambers for this reason. She writes such beautiful relationships in her Wayfarers books and they’re my absolute favourites. ❤️❤️ A long term couple is featured in Record of a Spaceborn Few and the way they supported each other but were so in love too just made me full of fluffy happiness.

I got the feels when you were talking about how supportive Corey is :3

To the point with drama and toxicity in romance: Its one of the reasons why I like couples in not-romance books better than in romance books. In the non-romantic books the relationships are simple and pure and I feel like actually more loving. I also hate most love triangles

I want a book where the couple is already married or together for a decent amount of time but we see the breaking point of the relationship and how they either go through the process of separating or building their relationship back up and fixing the damage. Open to recommendations.

About the day to day stuff: that’s why I love most romance series. One couple gets their happy ending, then the next one is featured in book two, but there’s usually an overarching connection between the characters, like the Bridgertons for example: they’re siblings, so while it’s not in every book, there are these little moments of seeing the whole family interact and even seeing the couples “after,” like in the 2nd epilogues.

Also : in friendships and in romantic relationships, I just love Harlan Coben's interactions ( he is a pretty famous author in Thrillers ). His characters are always very... genuine ? Their interactions just come off as cute and sincere and just... Yeah, he writes thrillers but his characters are really what sell it for me I recommand !

I tent to avoide stories with already established relationships because there is nothing I hate more than the misscommunication thing and cheating and whatever and it is way to common, I guess I don't trust authors in that regard...

I really hate it when the characters just can't communicate with each other!

"Which I know I'm going to get roasted for...." YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT YOU'RE GOING TO GET ROASTED! How have you never seen or heard of Danny Devito!?!?!? Matilda? Batman Returns? Big Fish/Dumbo? Please remedy this Merphy! It's kind of a big deal

I really like the way you can imagine particular events in your life as books. I think it's really really cool.

Yeah, I was friends with this guy in highschool, and our friendship ended up getting ruined because everyone shipped us together, and we couldnt be around each other without getting teased or having people ask when we're gonna get together. It was really uncomfortable. Dont ship real people!

Best quote on cheating: “Why do you have to do it out of order?” Also love the enthusiasm in this video! I usually like romances but DNF’ed a book recently when I realized it was going to be nothing BUT a romance. I just couldn’t handle another one. I definitely need something else to be going on beyond “will they or won’t they kiss?” (And we all know they definitely will)

I love friendship or family like relationships in books, I’ve cried more over deaths over a friend or family figure far more than a purely romantic relationship death(unless they started as good friends and their love was just beginning to blossom) . Hell I even cry with little happy moments when they make up(even if it’s a small lil fight) or see each other after being separated or worried.

To quote the poem Medusa; ‘It’s you I love, perfect man, Greek God my own; but I know you’ll go, betray me, stray from home.’ Authors, don’t have the love interest act like a horrible person!

Every romance would be a million times better with Danny DeVitto as the lead

You and your husband's relationship is what restores my belief in love....after being exposed to so many stories of people using each other and are generally toxic to each other, it's difficult for the youth to believe in love. Like my elder cousins would fantasise about meeting someone but I've never because I am so scared of being together with someone who turns out to be toxic or who would cheat on me. And it's the same for a lot of my friends too. Books, movies and shows have created a (Idk how to explain it) mindset about the ideal relationship and I think in life their is no "ideal" relationship. A relationship is successful when both the people love each other enough to understand that they won't always have an "ideal" time together but the good times are worth the bad times. Love you and I love your videos ❤️🥰

As a beginning author, these videos are extremely useful and enlightening! Thanks so much for the info!

9:15 THIS RIGHT HERE I have so many stories like this. The most recent I know of was when a really good friend of mine and I first met *everybody* thought we were attracted to each other, despite the fact that she's an outed lesbian and my girlfriend is just like 5 feet away from me. Like, I'm a flirty person in general, sure, and so is she, but anybody who actually knows anything about either of us knows that we aren't gonna even bother trying to get together because neither of us are attracted to each other in the first place! It's honestly something I don't enjoy seeing in the shipping communities that exist in various fanbases because it just feels forced and like it has absolutely no place in there. I still ship characters and have a few crackships but I'm not someone who will ship one character with another just because they spend time together, especially if the relationship has no chemistry or one of the characters is just straight up not going to be attracted to the other character because of how the plot or the characters just are in general, and especially when the relationship would just be abusive anyway! *Looking at you, Danganronpa fans.*

I want more romance stories like Kaguya-sama Love is War. Yes, I know the characters are completely ridiculous given it’s a romcom manga, but it has everything. The characters have genuine connections across the board, the characters get together in the middle of the story, there’s no cheating or anything of that nature to stir drama but only outside influences that push the couples to grow, etc. One of the best romance stories for me personally when it comes to perfect execution.

There are so many people who like so many different styles of writing that it doesn’t mean if you’ve written something you need to destroy it because someone said they didn’t like it. If you would read what you’ve written... it’s good

Seriously, the part where you talked about your relationship and how beautiful the day to day romance is and how you don't need fireworks....I think I'm gonna cry. It was so sweet and real. Anyway, I just found this channel and I already love it.

I'm so in love with this video! I love everything you said about you and your husband. That's how I feel with my fiance!! were not very romantic but he is literally my best friend and we love helping each other and just doing LIFE together

*Sees a new video notification* SLAMS ON THE PLAY BUTTON!!!

I think a great example of the characters getting together on the last page and saying “I love you” is in Ready Player One. It just drives home so many beautiful things that the characters had to learn throughout the book: patience, what real love looks like, infatuation vs. reality, to love someone as they truly are... and many more things that don’t even have to do with romance. Just such a beautiful and tender moment!

OMG! This video is so accurate. I hate it when the couple don't act like a freaking couple and by the end of the book they magically love each other without even expressing a tiny sparkle of "I care for you" Or even "I don't want you to die" the whole entire book. That's why I loved so much Mo Dao Zu Shi, they have a healthy relationship bond with loyalty, compression, time and curiosity. Unfortunately I don't see it as much as I wanted in other novels.