Dementia aggression and accusations. 

What words of comfort and encouragement can you offer to Tom?

It is heartbreaking. My Mom was the sweetest person you can imagine. She was a perfect wife, mother and grandmother. She lived for her husband and children. She never cursed..never! One day my Dad called me and told me Mom has cursed him out. Accused him of adultery and more. My Dad which did not know what to do..how to act.. just laughed but that made my Mom really mad. Then she stopped talking to him, isolated herself, sitting in a chair and just staring in the air. She was always very clean and nicely dressed but started to take her clothes off in the evening and putting the same clothes on the next day. My Dad was getting so sad and desperate about this. He put fresh clothes next her bed and put the used clothes right away in the washer to prevent her from wearing them again the next day. After like 6 month she stopped talking at all and she just sat in her favored chair on the window and smiled to everybody. She stopped cursing and eating and drinking. My Dad and my brother fed her, bathed her, dressed her etc. She had to wear diapers and all doors had to be locked that she would not wander off. Sadly my Dad died on a heartattack and my brother moved in the house and took care of my mom. My Mom forgot to walk, later how to sit and after 7 years bedridden died peaceful at home, age 89. All of us siblings pray to the lord that we rather die 10 years younger than going through what our Mom went through. It is heartbreaking and so hurting to see a person which was full of live, love and passion to suffer the loss of itself. You are a wonderful person Tom and we know what you go through because we walked the same road.

Tom is so sincere. My heart goes out to him and all those going through this horrible disease.

I'm a caregiver for 8-9 yrs now and work with patients with dementia and let me tell you it is the hardest ugly disease ever, literally this story breaks my heart. This gentleman is amazing may god bless him. I have been from Family living provider and working with dementia when I went to work and to come home to my son which was very challenging on a daily basis. I had to move my son to supported living now. And he's happy as I am too. My stress level has declined tremendously. My heart and prayers goes to Tom. He's a strong man.♥

My mom has Alzheimers and, before my dad died, my mom relentlessly accused my dad of cheating on her. My poor dad was in terrible physical health and on oxygen 24/7. There was no way he was cheating on her. But she was completely paranoid, finding things in the house that belonged to me, for example, and saying they belonged to another woman. She would also have episodes of rage against me and other family members, making wild accusations. It built up over time and then, as her memory deteriorated, we realized there was something really wrong. Her doctor tested her for dementia but recommended she have a brain scan to confirm Alzheimers. I had to trick her into getting one, as she refused to recognize there was anything wrong. Elements of our story definitely resonate with me. Your calm nature is inspiring. Thank you for sharing your story and for your advice.

Caring for a person with dementia is such an isolating experience. My mum had Alzheimers and in the end when she could no longer be safely cared for at home,she was finally admitted to a secure locked facility. The carers of people with dementia are exhausted beyond belief and it is awful when there is little or no family help available or opportunity for them to be cared for. The carers themselves need regular respite,general time out and someone to offer ongoing support. This man’s experience is heartbreakingly raw and real. Thank you for sharing your experience

This is a very powerful revelation. You are a strong man. My late husband who was the best ever completely changed, too. He had Parkinson's and hallucinations and severe depression over knowing what was coming. He tried to choke me, came after me with a baseball bat, and turned the gas on so we could die together. He caught pneumonia, ended up with a breathing tube and food tube. Bedridden in ICU. He asked to have a morphine drip and tubes disconnected. He was with a priest and said he saw God b4 going to sleep and heaven. His whole extended family has turned on me for "letting him" do that. He had signed a DNR 2007. Died 2010. The toll it took on me and our immediate family I still not have recovered from.

This is heartbreaking, and I feel like the similarity to what I have dealt with caring for my daughter with bipolar disorder and autism. People actually asked “how I could put her in a residential school and leave her alone”. They all believe that I could have done more, but she got bigger and taller and I had already sacrificed my back restraining her, been given blunt trauma from being shoved against furniture, been punched in the head, attacked while driving the car. Nobody knows what we go through. I’m a single mom, she needed more than I could do or give her. I am still fighting the PTSD, the panic attacks. Now my mom has begun doing horrible things, ripping up family pictures calling to blow up at me an calling me a piece of shit for not taking her in. Last week I tried to visit and brought lots of things she loves and things she needed to the assisted living. In five minutes she was shoving me out with a chair and kicking all the things I brought her hit my body with the door slamming it behind me. She is fine with other people except myself and my siblings. She doesn’t remember when each of us tried taking her in. I am still fighting the PTSD, and this new chapter in our family is just making it worse. She hasn’t hurt anyone yet, but I feel those vibes coming up, and it won’t be long. I already had to retire from back injuries and mental duress, I am only going so far with her because I deserve to heal as well. I will make sure what she needs she has, but if she refuses again and again to attend doctor appts, I can’t make her go. I have given away decades of my life between my daughter and my mom, I will visit both when they are stable enough, I will do what I can but no more sacrificing everything.

I just lost my mother to Vascular Dementia/severe stroke. My dad went through the same accusations, delusions etc., and he did not want to get educated on dementia, he didn’t want help, he was in denial and that led to her death. Don’t wish this on anyone! It is the hardest thing anyone can go through in life. I learn so much through the Careblazer videos!

I have come to see changes in my sister that I never dreamed that would occur. I have been told by relatives that she can’t take care of herself, but I didn’t realize the depth of the problem till this summer. I can empathize with Tom with the confusion at the beginning of the disease…stay strong Tom!❤️

I am so sorry for what you are going through, Tom. I am going through this with my 88-yr old mother, and am struggling to get anyone to assess her. She had a stroke two years ago, and when you mentioned that your wife still drives, goes to the grocery store, and “seems fine” to other people outside the home, I had a very real moment of empathetic relief: Mother’s primary care provider thought she seemed “fine,” her church friends think she’s fine, even some extended family members think so, too. I find myself the target of their suspicion and animosity, along with dealing with her.

Your expressions of love, confusion,sadness, frustration, and heartache touched my understanding heart. I have just started on a dementia journey with my husband. I hope that I can deal with it with it the way you have, with dignity and grace. Lean on your bible and the promises there of a brighter side to life than what we see. This is temporary.

Im going through something similar with my roommate. My heart goes out to this man, this situation is so stressful and difficult. He developed a terminal illness and has a form of dementia. There's nowhere I can send him for care, theres no one that will come help at home, his mother wont even come over to help. Im not even a spouse or relative and I am now caring for a very angry abusive person with dementia and there is simply nothing I can do about it. I also feel completely overwhelmed and have nowhere to go for real help. I don't understand how I manage to keep facing every day. Like this man said, how do I cope with this? Im also experiencing this issue with him being kind to others and other people not seeing how far out of his mind he truly is. No one listens to me. He'll go to lunch with a friend and they think he's fine, he tells people I'm a terrible mean person but Im definitely not mean to him. Ive taken on the financial, emotional, psychological burden and I am completely alone in this.

Wow I'm going through it w my mom as a psych and recently diagnosed dementia patient. I understand much of what he is saying and I cried watching this... thank you for being kind to share with us. You are so brave and an encouragement.

Tom: Thank you for sharing. I have been living through a parallel universe to yours since shortly after 9/11/2001. A firm diagnosis was made by a neurologist in 2006. After several years the anger and accusing has faded away along with her memory, mind and bodily functions. At this point she has lost more than half her normal weight, is bed ridden and seems to rest most of the time (but it might be simply carrying on private conversations with her mother and others I can't identify). But as hard as it has been to live with, I still have her at home. I am fortunate enough to have one daughter living with us so we share her care. I, like you, will only let her go (physically) when the Lord takes her.

Tom I pray God’s strength for you on the rest of your dementia journey caring for your wife in sickness and in health til death do you part. I’m glad you are on the other side personally and starting to live your life.

Thanks Tom for telling your story! My mom switched one day and thinks her husband is cheating she has all this proof but none of it logical and the fact that he loves her and treats her well doesn't seem to matter at all! I have come to the point where I have to ignore her and walk away when that topic comes up. I'm trying to get her to the doctor! I wish I could just call her doctor and tell them what she's going through and how she's been acting!

Tom I am so sorry this illness has taken your wife. Please be careful for your own safety. Please make sure you do things for yourself, taking care of you. I am concerned that you are thinking of allowing her to decide if she comes home or not. You have said that she is illogical, violent and delusional. This is very hard.. Thank you for sharing your story.

You are not alone. My husband has VaDem.....along with multiple other chronic illnesses. We finally got husband to agree to A.L. last April, he walked out of facility mid August came back to house, nothing I can do right now until he is hospitalized again. He has screaming outbursts daily, I have been called every name in the book.

Your video was amazing. My family is just now starting to figure out what has happened to our mother. We have just shook our heads at her behaviors. I feel very blessed to have listened to you and I too try to read everything I can get my hands on. It's a journey that will be our most difficult. Thankyou so much and you are amazing.

💯 in agreeance with you. I am going through it with my beautiful mother. Every day is a struggle. Prayers for us all going through this tragic struggle

Tom, thank you for sharing your heart wrenching story. Each of us has different experiences with our loved ones but as I do, it is evident that you love your spouse. You are a very strong person.

Mahalo nui loa Tom for your honest storytelling. Your true love example is of the highest degree💖 because you honor your vow to your wife. Me ke Aloha pu🌺 from Hawaiian Islands. Grateful for learning opportunities as I begin this journey with my aunt.

Thanks Tom for sharing your journey. My heart goes out to you in losing the relationship with your wife that you once knew. I have been a full time caregiver for both my parents for the last 7 years. . My 89 year old father has dementia. He is obsessive about things, accusatory and I would say paranoid. I tell you this so you know you are not in this struggle alone. It’s constant change with this disease. I have learned to live in the moment.

So difficult Tom. You are such a loving husband. It's very heartbreaking that you have to go through this in the time when you 2 should be enjoying you retirement years. Stay strong Tom. I am sending you patience and healing energy for your soul.

Thank you so much for your video Tom. My mum in law is starting to get a little aggressive and paranoid. This helps a lot to hear other stories.

You are an honorable man, Tom. I found that writing a succinct but detailed letter to the neurologist before finally taking my older brother for an appointment, was a tremendous help. I never spoke of his symptoms or condition in front of him so the letter gave info without conflict. That preserved his dignity and kept our relationship safe-trusting for him. Upon beginning anxiety and 2 other meds, he was gradually more content. When he said something incorrect, etc., I'd say, "well, you could be right," or "Oh, my, maybe!" It's a long journey but with lots of prayer support, the Lord can give you the wisdom and perseverance needed. You must have caregiver support and time away. 🙏🙏🙏

Bless you, Tom. I can identify with everything you describe and pray that you are getting the support you need and deserve.

Tom, I felt your heart speaking. My husband also has frontal Temple dementia. That insecurity that you felt was me for such a long time in the last year and a half I feel stronger knowing so much more about this horrible disease. My heart goes out to you and your wife.

My heart goes out to you tom. Many prayers and thank you for showing us a glimpse of what you have endured like a great soldier. Teepa Snow also has great teaching.

Aloha Tom. I understand your emotions of this phase. As i listened to your story i recalled my experiences with mom's delusional accusations ... so so hurtful since she raised me like a princess where i was her angel. This is a phase that will pass... as my mom is very child like stage now. You are such a good man to stand by your wife through this difficult disease. I recenlty read a story where man filed for divorce due to wife's dementia. You are a real man owning up to your vow both of you took. Tom, you are doing fantastic job of caring for your wife. You are not alone.... many of us know exactly what you go through. Hang in there🌼💮🌻🌈

I feel so badly for Tom. My wife is going through the middle stages of dementia, and some of these behaviors are beginning to surface. This has been the most challenging thing I have ever dealt with. I hope God gives me patience, and Wisdom. I hope Tom finds peace. God bless you Tom.

Just heartbreaking. I see it's been a year since this video and I'm just now watching. I pray Tom got help with his wife. God bless them both. It seems so unfair.

Tom - keep up the good work and keep learning how to be the best caregiver you can. Praying for strength and courage for your journey.

Once we "know" how dementia people can be "out of control", then we can learn to not take it personally or seriously of what they say or do. Just shake it off, because they don't mean it, and move on. Remember all the Good they once were before the illness hit them... Just Hold on to the "Good" memories and that's all it matters. Keep being smart and creative in taking care of them!

I am glad I found this tonight, I needed it for me caring for mom, but now I understand why my dad did not leave my mom - sadly I think the stress of caring for her shortened his life

Thank you so much for sharing this. This is my first time looking up this online. My husband is showing signs of dementia. This was helpful

Tom, I am going through the exact same thing with an ex. I have been his caregiver for many years as he has had various medical issues which after nearly 30 years I'm realizing are probably all tied to his mental state. The dementia started to appear ever so slightly about 28 years ago when he was 49. It very gradually got worse through the years. I have pinpointed many psychosis in him, all undiagnosed, as his doctor seemed only interested in putting him on opiates. So now he has a drug problem in addition to severe dementia. He has a day here and there where he seems somewhat normal, the rest of the time he holes up in his room and sleeps for days on end only to get up to go to the bathroom and rarely to even eat. He started with the explosive disorder many years ago and now it is absolutely out of control. The rages are horrible, he has broken almost everything in the house, all the doors, the windows, fans, heaters and other appliances. Even busting iron railings and breaking up concrete sidewalks and the list goes on. Recently he had a good day and asked to drive my car which I normally don't let him but he seemed okay that day and within a couple hours I had a call that he had been in an accident. I was completely stupid for letting him drive my car as I had already decided he would never drive it again. But it was something important and I could not find anyone else and he wanted to go claiming he would be fine. It's one disaster after another everyday, all day long. Everything he touches turns into a nightmare. Believe if I hadn't had yoga training and been involved in fitness most of my life I would not have been able to handle this. It is so stressful sometimes I don't know what to do. I have an animal sanctuary and it is difficult for me to just leave. Screaming, yelling and delusional accusations are off the charts. I'm probably the most loyal person you would ever meet and yet I've been accused of the most horrific things even though I rarely only leave long enough to walk the dogs or go to the store, which has been for years. He has gotten physical several times, I have called the police numerous times throughout the years and they have done nothing. There is no place that will accept him and his sons don't want him. I do think the disease is getting the best of him, however, as he has become incredibly thin and cannot eat without nausea and vomiting. My fear is that he will just wallow like this for years until I am destroyed. I have been to various places for assistance, always being told they would call me back and they never do. The emotional drain has been horrific. I was only married to him for 2 years before I started to see things that seriously concerned me so I divorced him. I ended up, long story short, being his caregiver instead.. The last almost three decades have been an absolute nightmare but we both loved animals and that is what kept me around. I want the last 30 years back and can't believe they've been stolen from me. I have so much potential and I'm such a productive person who has tried to stimie all of that. If it weren't for the information I get from the internet and from the trailblazer videos I don't know what I would do to keep my sanity. I'm so sorry you are going through this also. It is definitely not for lightweights. It made me feel good briefly just to listen to your story. Thank you so much for sharing, I really needed that....

Tom my heart aches for you and thank you for sharing your journey. I am going through similar things... accusations, no diagnosis. Please continue learning about God (Bible study) . It is comforting to know that the present human condition is not what God purposed and will soon change.

Everything he’s saying is exactly what my dad is going through at home with my mom. I’m so heartbroken for my parents. I know my mom needs help and she refuses to see a doctor. If anyone knows of Cambodian doctors who specializes in this disease, please provide their contact information.

This is hard to say but is it time to think about a nursing home? I am just at the early stages of your same journey but not nearly as Traumatic as yours. I am not sure I could be as strong as you for 4 years. I admire you for your love, dedication, and perseverance. Terry

This is my story when dealing with my wife, word for word. Literally word for word. It is truly devastating.

Thank you Tom. I've learned. My husband was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimers 3/2021.

What a wonderful man. I wish I could find support here in my small, boondock kinda town. I can't. I'm taking care of my mom who was so genteel and kind and never used a swear word in her life but that has definitely changed. It's HARD. Thank you for this video.

Dear Tom, I am starting down the road you are on and I thank you for your honesty and wisdom. Below are words given to me and I share with you. When God asks us to follow him and leave everything behind, it’s much like Genesis 45:20 (below). He already knows ahead of time what our reservations will be, so he encourages us not to give it another thought. There’s nothing we can sacrifice that will compare to the blessings we’ll receive in exchange. He will never push you to do something you aren’t willing to do. But if you’ll let him, he’ll remove every fear and show you your future from his perspective. In tender compassion, the Lord will speak grace and strength to every reservation. Don’t be afraid of the huge shifts in seasons-when he asks you to walk away from positions, churches, groups, or jobs. His way is ultimately the best even if it seems scary at first. Focus on him and take the risk. Following him is always worth it!

My husband was diagnosed in August, 2022. We just spent 48 hours in terror that started with him assaulting our 20 year old daughter. Called 911 2 times in that 48 hour period and had the county crisis center counselors out 2 times. Nothing was done. We have a 12 year old son. Right in the middle of all this chaos. I have watched so many videos on how to communicate, talked to Alzheimer’s Organization on the phone many times, talked with Adult Protective Services,….I could go on and on. My daughter, son, and I are in this battle alone. Walking on eggshells all day every day. And he is right about walking away being a trigger itself…it seems there’s no answers or techniques that work every time. You have to constantly stumble on the fly for what will work. I worked for 7 years, since 2016 to get him diagnosed.

It is a very good video. It gave me so much confidence and perspective on what was happening to my mum. Over ten years I knew something was not right but I blamed myself.

Tom, you are an honorable man and sending you thoughts of peace and comfort. Hope there is some respite care available to you.

I can SO relate to your story... It's almost like a complete double of my experience with my husband of 43 years! It also began suddenly..My heart goes out to you. We endured 4+ years of extreme rage, shouting, especially after he was a wonderful gentle, loving husband for 38+ years then. Also very violent and throwing, breaking and even trying to break the doors down in the hospital where he finally agreed to be seen for a few minutes. It's devastating, I've lost my son - no contact 7 years now. My 2 daughters have given up their lives - it's so unfair and there's nothing I can do about it. Tragic! I too have had to deal with that - finances are depleted too. The threats never ended.. he was obsessed with porn, told me he was bisexual, secretive. He can't drive as he's lost physical strength. I called the police over 3 times in one weekend, as I was so status and he threatened to kill me with a vase he broke by throwing it away me. There's no emotions in him at all now.. no laughter, affection, nothing! No logic. Withdrawal. Sleeping a lot. I pray for all caregivers in this.. both my daughter's and I are now on PTSD treatment as we were and still are SO broken - we had no confidence left. He was diagnosed by a Neurologist on an MRI in 2018. May God be with you, Tom. I understand your heartbreak so well! If you would like to contact me, you're welcome. I'm on FB too. I'll keep you in my prayers. 🙏🏻💜🙏🏻🌿🪻🌿

Amazingly helpful and the isolation part is a struggle so a good exhortation…my spouse has FTD too

Tom; I can only say; take comfort in your knowledge, you are doing your best. Sending prayers your way.

Thank you Mr. Tom..🙏 pray all will go well for you & your dear wife!❤

I am researching impact on families with dementia so thank you for this honest share,

I pray for all may the Lord give u all strength to cope, be strong and of a good courage the Lord is with you all ❤

Thank you for your story

Hey Tom. Thanks for your willingness to share your story. I was making the mistake of thinking I was the only one with this situation. I’ve been married 48 years and trying to figure out how to make it through.

So heartbreaking. What a good idea this gentleman kept track of the whole story, this can help so many people understand just what can happen. I wish I could hug everyone going through this, it is very important. My gawd, prayers for a resolution from this illness. Much love to all going through this. Why is she not in long term care, taking her home is not a good idea. Oh my gawd.

I think the saddest part of Tom's journey is that his children are unable for varying reasons to help him through it.

Mentally draining!!! Yes!Oooohhh my goodness. Prayers for you, your wife, and your children. 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾 I'm simply a volunteer, helping a man with no family help AT ALL! I'M LEARNING SOOOOOO MUCH FROM THIS CHANNEL. I'm drained ...

Tom, I feel for you sir! My husband was diagnosed with Vas Dementia exactly one year ago this month while in hospital for 3 weeks for. He has had violent verbal outbursts since towards me, others, since 2015. Neighbors have threatened to phone police because they hear him yelling. He started accusing me of having affairs 6 years ago, hiding money, puts me on behavior probation (yes truly) threatens divorce, etc. I have never been able to get help from his doctors, family, no one would listen to me. Even after official diagnosis, still no help from medical people, 3 of husband's 4 adult kids have nothing to do with him nor have ever called me to ask if I need help with their father, nothing. I also believe he has fears; he will lose all control, he is aware short term memory is very poor. I have had multiple nervous breakdowns dealing with this and his 53 hospitalizations since 2013 due to sepsis infections, surgeries .....

Tom- do take care of yourself, and do reestablish your friendships. I wish you peace and I wish your wife a diagnosis that helps her have some peace, too.

Your story is extremely potent. Thank you

I had two wonderful years of marriage, but have been married twelve years. I suffer daily, and cannot figure out how I will survive due to the stress caused by his dementia. When he says he is sick of my controlling him, I just say! "OK! go somewhere else. Who else will take care of you? " I used to try to convince him I was not trying to control, but I began agreeing with him. i tell him yes I am in control, and I will stay in control. I love you and I am taking care of both of us. He attacked me while I was driving 70 mph because I would not go to the store he wanted. He has thrown a rattlesnake at me. He shoves, pushes, constantly cusses when at home, but not in public. He is paranoid, and confabulates wild stories about me. His daughters say, "He doesnt seem that bad to me," so I do not even keep,them informed anymore. My children are my supporters via telephone, but really they cannot phathom my lonliness and grief. To Tom I would say, take heart if you are still dealing with her. The hardest part is comprehending that you are grieving for losing a wife that has not passed away. They become a fit-throwing narcissist, act like a toddler, and you have the role of their parent.

Tom. Thanks so much for sharing your story.

I cannot THANK YOU ENOUGH,. Always KNOW that YOU ARE ENOUGH!❤️

Tom, I wonder if your wife may have had a stroke which caused the sudden onset of these symptoms. Our stories are so very similar except for the sudden onset. My wife started showing symptoms over three years ago. It has been a slow progression into the explosive anger, the cursing, the crying, etc. She is walks over 20,000 steps every day which has probably slowed her disease by improving blood flow to her brain.

You love your wife as I love my husband. God bless you for keeping your vow and covenant before the Lord.

God bless you Tom. Praying for you and your family

Dear Tom and Natalie, My connection was based on the following;- My LOWD is the mother of my children. We all suffered violent attacks from our LO. I have sought both religious and legal help, all of whom said, "Leave"! I made a promise to her parents to care for her no matter what. Finally we found a Psychiatrist who could connect and got to the bottom of the problem. We have been together for 49 years and now our relationship is so much better! The question remains, for how long, which is "I don't know"? So I take it one day at a time. As a family we believe my LOWVD (now possibly Parkinson's Plus?!) has been suffering since 1998!

Why is it so hard to get dementia diagnosed? My Mom had multiple strokes, and much like Tom it was like a light switch getting flipped on, and off at times! Well maybe that switch is a dimmer switch! It's always there just sometimes worse than others! But when that meanness comes on, I want to sound an alarm to alert the world to watch out!

Very real and informative and what my dad is experiencing with his wife. Thank you for sharing. Could you make your link public Tom or maybe you have decided to keep it private? Are anti psychotic drugs ever dispensed to calm the rage and paranoia?

This appears to be a similar pattern to what I’m going through. I have no idea where it will end up but think it will be similar to your experience Tom. I’m scared to death that I won’t have your patience. Thanks for sharing.

This site is helping me to understand what my mother is going thru. In helping her I am so depressed many days when I come home from anger from her and yelling plus threating to sell everything and moving to her home state knowing I will not get anything. So hard and my life is so really bad at this time. She won't get help and I have tried. I just retired and never in my life would think this is my life.

She doesn't know what she is doing Tom. I tell myself that everyday, sometimes every hour. That is only 1 of many ways I cope. As you know, each instance takes a different responce. Isolation....I got and Ebike. Took a short ride, it was awesome to get back outside. Same age Tom, I'm 68. This youtube site is the best. So much access to others with the same issues. Number 1...Dr. Natali put it together. The journalistic approach I do as well. My wife is not violent, just severe dementia. I have pictures and recordings as well. It has helped my mind set in that I can more easily understand and focus on what this strange thing that is happening is. She doesn't know what she is doing. I move around and through that with this understanding. I help her by letting her be who she is at the moment. There is no routine any more, which is the new routine. Through the journal and the memories of the past 5 years for me, is how I maintain touch with reality. Touch with the new reality actually. That is the tough part, all of a sudden a new reality.

I totally understand what you feel, your perfect love is just memories. And you have been scared out of your wits, too. I hope you have taken precautions to be safe.

@tomlinn7227 Just checking to see if there is an update on your situation? Were you able to get her officially diagnosed? Is she receiving further treatment? Are you able to get more help? Thank you for sharing your story. It makes me feel I'm not alone in a very similar situation with my mother. Absolutely heartbreaking, stressful, and bewildering with little to no help in sight...

Our family is telling me that my husband has schizophrenia they think the doctors misdiagnose him and it is not Dementia. I spend almost every minute of my free time including coming home for lunch everyday to spend time with him for an hour. first thing at night when I get home we eat we go for a drive come home he gets ready for bed he does go to bed early as well. But the hardest thing is my family they say it's demons and he needs deliverance That is just from the kids. My parents who live out of state, told me I need to divorce him now and the sooner the better. I Feel abandon because I choose to stand by his side for better or worse.

Tom, You have loved her with the same love Christ has for His church; unconditionally, honestly, compassionately. Please take care of yourself and know that you’re loved by God. May your memories of your life with Shirley be your comfort and still being you joy. Peace beyond your understanding is yours.

Hi Tom. I am the same age as you and I'm dealing with my ex husband who lives next door in a fifth wheel and has been for the last eight months. IF you want to talk to me, I was a professional caregiver, now retired. His CT scan wb the 13th and then his follow up doctor's appt is the following Monday. He has no concept of days or times, so I help. This situation is working for us. We were only married less than two years but he was so cruel and verbally abusive I divorced him because I just thought we had become unequally yoked. Prostrate cancer, gall bladder removal, xrays for hip, shoulder back pain only showed arthritis in his back, and the doctor said we might get MTIs, but want to see the CT scams first. So, he is getting a pelvic and brain CT the 13th. I saw how surgery increased one's dementia and now that he had three of them in a year its not surprising he is fading. The good news is his stage 3 kidney disease is now only 2. He just got diagnosed with type 2 diabeties. He has high blood pressure and so now I am working with him on his diet. He is also a Hoarder.

My husband has dementia and he is yelling daily. He shouts and slaps himself all the time. I had palliative care come out to the house they allow one 45 minute slot per month. all they do is talk for a few minutes and leave not helpful at all . my heart breaks for all of those men and women in this position. Also he refuses to take any medicine.DeAnna

I Dont know what to say except this is a very difficult thing to deal with..my family has endured this for the past 10 years and I've suggested she get to q psychiatrist and get some medical help..my mother is showing these exact same things..she gets mad at something (something doesn't go her way) and she begins her judgmental and character assassinations of anyone for stupid reasons..she won't stop her rants until she has collected her allies..she put my stepfather up to calling me and literally screaming at me for something that was out of my control..my stepfather refuses to accept she needs help so ive had to cut the ties..its so sad..my mother was an angry and hostile mother to us when we were young..so I associated this with her bottled up, unresolved anger..IF she is currently on any anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds like wellbutrin or chantex..get her off them immediately! Those drugs actually cause those destructive thoughts and emotions

I hope you can do one of these on PPA (Primary Progressive Aphasia) It is so rare- no meds no cure, extreme word finding difficulty which slowly spreads. In my situation I keep thinking “this life is so much shorter than eternity, and when we get to heaven he will thank me.” (We are Christian believers)

It was good to see him smile at the end of the video

I can relate. I feel so sorry for you, Sir.

I feel so very very sorry for you. I cannot fathom my life being turned upside down all of a sudden.

Wow! Please thank this man for sharing, I understand the anger though.

WOW. What great courage. What great love.

I am going through this with my twin. Getting a diagnosis is a nightmare. 3 days ago I had to report my twin missing. My twin thinks someone has been watching him, stealing from him trying drug him. He has been found, and now is on a 72 hour hold. My twin has had 3 strokes he is angry daily. I am at a loss I can't get a doctor to care enough to diagnose what my twin is going through. It's making me feel sick.😢💔

I totally got what he is saying. I'm their. All the way. Don't want to talk to anyone. Just want to stay away from everyone

Dear Tom….. I pray that you will rebuild yourself day by day. Find ways to connect with the positives inside of you, reconnect with your friends, get outside for your physical and mental health. Stick with your prayer group. Perhaps your children could do small things to help out…. They may have to be told you need 2 hours to get out. My husband’s son is in denial about his father’s mental decline. But he will help out if I ask him for specific requests. Thank you for sharing your journey… my husband is disconnected, unresponsive, sometimes mean. I have learned to stay away from him when this happens - there’s no possibility of discussion. I am hoping you will find the best way possible to develop compassion for yourself.

Tom, I do caregiving and have seen a lot of different changes in people. One thing I would say is that as you talk to doctors as you get her diagnosed is have the doctor declare her unable to drive, even if she seems to be able to now. My neice is an O.T. and she knows of spouses who have been sued and lost their life savings because of their spouses causing an accident and killing or maiming someone. God bless you and I will be praying for you.

Tom: can you post the link to your RU-vid video for me to watch. The link provided for by the Doctor says private so I can’t view. Praying over your family and heart. You are an amazing caregiver. You make your family and your God proud of what you have done.

Unable to access UTube video due to it being “private”.

Thank you so much for sharing

I’m so sorry for Tom. It’s as if your loved one is gone and a new personality has taken their place. I know as I took care of my Mom for 9 years and as the dementia continued her symptoms changed and she became a stranger. It’s very difficult but for all intensive purposes your wife is now gone as you knew her. Try to view her as someone else it it will help as you navigate through this. I’m so sorry but I’d say it’s time for a distinct diagnosis and perhaps a placement. God bless.

Is Tom still alive? This story sounds so much like my parents the last year, and I keep hoping I can save my dad but somehow he enables her and protects her despite knowing it will kill him first. It’s destroyed most of their relationships, communication with anyone and I’m so far away it’s hard to get there often to help. It’s been living a nightmare and I keep waiting for the call from the police one or both of them is dead.

There is so much more to this story..the life she had was to passive..now with no filter, she tells her truth.. Within her illness... sad!

After my ex had a massive stroke he became extremely verbally, mentally and emotionally abusive. He would not get the help nor listen to doc. He was plotting to have me killed with his paranoia and had a person talked into killing me. I ran with whatever I had. Far away. He had a gf he had me daily get him ready and would visit her. After 3 years is when I ran. He ended up with his gf for 10 years before he passed away. Sometimes it becomes dangerous.

Is anyone going through the same story?

It’s better if she doesn’t come home, let go and let her stay there. You need to look after yourself, get out in nature, live and experience life and joy again.