Hi Kenny- thank you for posting this video. I will share for my Husband to listen to. He feels responsible for his Mom and listen to her talk for an hour+ every week when he calls his parents. I can’t believe he still doesn’t think his Mom has serious toxic issues. My Husband is 37yrs old. It took me less than 1yr to figure something was wrong with her. It’s crazy how long people wear blinders through Life. Anyways, I always appreciate your content.👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Kenny...This sounds like a bit of a slippery slope to me. I understand the information you are saying that we are all responsible for our own feelings, but I still question if others can make us feel a certain way. For example if I know my sister is incredibly insecure about her appearance and If I tease her and make fun of her knowingly for how she is dressed aren’t I partially guilty for doing that intentionally and there by increasing her own fears. And what about manipulation...when someone is distorting the truth? Yes. I am responsible for feeling what I fell at the moment, but aren’t they at least somewhat responsible for the distortion that got me there? Or what about the abuse victim who hasn’t yet successfully walked away. Yes....it maybe their upbringing that put them there, culture, etc., but doesn’t the environment within itself only further impact their emotional well being...furthering the damage. What about the emotionally healthy person who was just at the wrong place at the wrong time during a crime. And now they have all these new emotions that may have never been felt....are they solely responsible for them? I question these things. I have been victim, I know I have victimized others, and I know I have been an innocent bystander. I am a true believer we all play every part...we are human and by that very nature flawed. I try often to take full ownership in my actions for all my behavior. As far as me being a A #1 jerk...it’s my partially my guilt that limits these behaviors. And that is a good thing as far as I’m concerned. I call this a slippery slope because I think it to some extent takes away accountability for our own behaviors. We can pretend our words have no impact on others, but the truth is they do. Words become part of someone else’s environment. Especially when we are aware of others circumstances. By saying we shouldn’t feel guilty about how others feel kind of says I can be a jerk but it’s their issue, not my behavior, for how they feel about it. Sounds a bit like entitlement. That we have a right to say whatever we want because we are ultimately not responsible for the impact it has. Maybe those things are all cultured, but aren’t we all (our words/actions) part of that culture first in our homes, then in our relationship, in our professions, and in our sense of community. So then don’t we there by impact it? We become one of those three things you listed that makes up where our emotions come from. Even the concepts you teach (which I find to be very insightful and helpful) have an impact on life. Even you, yourself have adjusted your approaches to play to a more sensitive audience. That is you trying to help others feel comfortable. There by making yourself accountable/aware for how others feel. I truly want to take ownership for how I feel, but sometimes a jerk is just a jerk. I think you might argue that leads back to our moral compass and upbringing. And theirs as well. It appears to be a circular thought. Interested in your thoughts.
This is what’s called a reality argument. You see a can of Pepsi and I see a can of Coke. I’m not going to convince you that it’s a can of Coke and you’re not going convince me that it’s a can of Pepsi. This is also how you navigate these situations. I’m not going to allow your words to change my reality or affect me because from my viewpoint and my life experience what you’re proposing creates the problem. But I’m also not going legislate or try and take away your reality. You get to view the world in any way you like. It seems to work for you and I am always in support of people doing what works best for them. Therefore I never argue realities. I won’t give a person that much power over my emotions. I’m in control of that not them.
Lol. Some of the best parts of learning and growing is looking at different stand points. Definitely makes you think outside your comfort zone at times. Ty....truly for all you do to help people.
I believe that you have a great point, and I'd say that this information is more so for the ones who struggle in an abusive situation. I see Lisa's point of view. However, we are never to invalidate how others feel. If I hurt you and you come to me in a calm manner to inform me (emotional reactivity), I will not deny this and will make sure I meet your needs because I love you and care about you. However, if I invalidate that I've hurt you, then you are not responsible for my emotions, that is on my.
Teal Swan has an opposite view on this matter. Yes, if I step on your toe or stab you and now you're feeling pain, I am responsible for your emotions. I caused them. Saying that I'm not responsible for your reality cause you can meditate and not attach negative feelings to physical pain (for example) is a cunning way to deny that we are connected and our deeds towards other people do matter. How the person is gonna react to their pain (lash out, cry, get angry inside themselves, try to let it go) is a completely different story. The fact that I've hurt them, that I broke the "love others as yourself," remains.
I have just realised that the time a woman said to me "that I make her feel uncomfortable", it's not me that's making her feel uncomfortable it's her, "uncomfortable" seems to be a word used more randomly to falsely validate a person's own feelings. It is a form of projection, "I am not responsible for my own feelings, you are". The tragic part was it was when I was working as a carer the lady in question could not move her body at all, but she exercised power over me by using words, I left after that I wish I could have reacted differently, If I had understood what you have said in this video it might have been different, I would have handed it back to her instead of me carrying her resentment out of that building.
Beautifully said on so many levels. Most of all, it’s an attempt to make other people responsible for our lives so we can stay the child. At its core it is shame and shame is a child like state. So people who use this tactic are shame based children stuck in a very young ego state hoping that somebody will show up and be the mother and father they never had. That is sad and heartbreaking for them but we don’t love them if we buy into it. We leave them stuck in that purgatory when we choose to carry their responsibility for them.
Are we responsible for the feelings of others? In today's video, I'm going to show you how we are never responsible for other people's feelings, except in two ways. In addition by looking to the end you will receive two 2 great advantages 1- You will stop feeling guilty thinking that you are responsible 2- People will no longer be able to control you emotionally. To protect ourselves emotionally Emotional Mastery for your physiology Don't allow Halt Hungry Angry Lonely Tired Hence take time to take good care of yourself to maintain your healthy self Thank you 😁 Kenny
If I step on your toe or stab you and now you're feeling pain, I am responsible for your emotions. I caused them. Saying that I'm not responsible for your reality cause you can meditate and not attach negative feelings to physical pain (for example) is a cunning way to deny that we are connected and our deeds towards other people do matter. It's what abusers do when they gaslight you. How the person is gonna react to their pain (lash out, cry, get angry inside themselves, try to let it go) is a completely different story. The fact that I've hurt them, that I broke the "love others as yourself," remains. Don't listen to this talk people, instead try your best to treat people nicely and if you've hurt them, to repair the hurt. We won't be perfect at this, but at least we won't be assholes and won't make the Earth a worse place than it is. Also, get away from people who regularly hurt you and talking with them about it doesn't change anything.
If an adult is always temperamental as a means of control - so be it, that's their problem with self-control. Sure we can still feel affected by the emotions but really harnessing the mindset of individual ownership of emotions is very freeing, empowering, and allows that deeper bold genuine voice and self to rise to the surface. Reframing the mindset of "avoiding confrontation" to "being authentic" allows a deeper calmness and self control in the face of confrontation and challenges. That belief alone might set them off... so be it, they could work on it if they choose. An acknowledgement of the objective reality behind emotional regulation being solely of the individual is not harmful but might trigger those lacking it. Speak bold and genuine, be reasonable, be composed of sound emotional wellbeing - even if some are jealous, so be it, remain authentic and reasonable. It's different for children still learning how to regulate their own emotions, needing guidance and rite of passage of parents and mentors to reveal the way of self regulation.
I’ve been dealing with a narcissist for over 10 years now. There has been much trauma with my anxiety. Recently I have noticed, him and my mother are almost the same person. What you say is so, freaking interesting! I see it! I’ve always said, I think I married my mother. But you put it into great perspective for me. If I can truly realize this, then I will be free! I am very excited for the work I can now do. In the video, you said, “now you’re probably offended by what I’m saying”(something very similar to that.) I am so happy to report that I was not offended! Yay!!! I am so grateful I ran into your video. I will subscribe. Have you heard of Dr. Joe Dispenza? He talks about the synapses as well. I believe in all of this. I’m very excited to come in to my true self. ❤ Thank you for posting your videos and your work of trying to help all of us. I’m excited to watch more.
i had a extreme narcisist probation officer who told me i made women feel uncomfortable and that they got bad vibes from me stright away i knew he was talking utter nonsense never the less i played alone with his gaslighted guilt triping bs bable as one would expected from someone one who is lying their was pulses in his communication
Awesome! I learn something again today... I just eat and I'm full now, oh well, even if I'm hungry I would say its a GREAT video. (not the same like the hungry judges) 😅 I agree, being hungry affects people thinking. And your video about Tinder Swindler first caught my attention that made me subscribed here since then. YOU NAILED IT!!!
Thanks for the video, will go to your website and check out the course ... heavy generational trauma in my family. I also just got Pia Mellody's Codependence book and workbook, heard about her thru your channel -- dang that workbook is big!! But I'm looking forward to working thru it, as I know I'm pretty much pathologically codependent. Peace from Reno, NV
So what does it mean if I DON'T feel threatened or offended by this information? I'm far from an emotionless person, but I didn't have an emotional response to this content. I wouldn't have given that a second thought, but after you've commented a couple times assuming I would, I'm now a little concerned by my emotional disconnect!
So, when I was in therapy years ago the therapist said I should say to people; when you do such and such, it makes me feel sad, or hurt or whatever. Was that wrong?
@@lisacaspero2265 in my personal experience when we place blame on somebody else by saying you made me feel… We are staying stuck in the shame from our childhood and we’re asking the other person to be our parent and heal that pain. I can understand why anyone would do it because It provides them a tremendous advantage! They also get to place responsibility for their life onto somebody else. Unfortunately other people don’t care about our life as much as we do and therefore our life will always suffer when we place responsibility for how we feel about things in someone else’s hands.
OK I totally get that we get our emotional response from our parents which makes total sense. And once we know better we should start to see a change right? I thought I was doing better and then someone said to me you don’t have to live in poverty the way you dress and everything you really don’t have to live that way. ….So I’m flipping a house right now and having to live in it but it’s cash paid for but I do wear clothes with paint on them half the time because I’m busy. So I knew the statement wasn’t true but it irritated me so bad and got such an emotional response from me. So I just blocked her and I’m trying to emotionally understand why it upset me so much, Knowing that it was her own stuff she hadn’t dealt with and then it wasn’t an accurate statement. But I can’t figure out why it triggered me. I worked through it but I’m still confused to why it had such an impact
Unfortunately Kate I can’t walk you through to finding the answer In text message. These types of questions and dynamics require a private session or being part of my private group. They are too deep and involved
hey kenny have you ever read david bohm?he had some fascinating views . Thankyou so much for your encouragement ...there's been times ive reacted wrongly towards people ..but in any given situation there is an offense and defence position and yet as people we can offend using aggression and defend using the same aggression back ...it all becomes a war and we justify each position.
Yes and virtually every instance an argument is just two people racing to the victim position and demanding the other person acknowledge that they are the bigger victim and the other one is to blame. It’s useless and unproductive
@@kennyweiss yes.We can become sensitive to critical thinking methods of discussion . Our defensive mechanisms come out to play. Being critical in thinking and argument is seen as a bad thing these days. Rather than a conversation to discover the new that was unrealized thought , like socrates said he was the midwife of thought and thinking itself.Thinking is a skill. EDward de bono was another good author that teaches thinking skills ...you are the teacher kenny
surely if i know that in my culture disabled people aren't treated very well and someone will be upset if i cut their leg off i should take some responsibility for their feelings if i cut their legs off. surely slave owners or concentration camp guards did something yo create emotions in others? I might just not be getting something but it all seems a bit silly. also a bit daft to say women aren't romantic and men are, especially because of watched behaviours, which are largely influenced by perceived expectations, especially when you then say there's no emotional difference, unless you're saying that being romantic is entirely performative but that saying that everyone is aromantic and that's not right cause I definitely used to feel romantic.
I no longer think of women as being weak. Because I realize myself that I am weak. But I do look at women as being the weaker. So I took my pride and threw it in the garbage can. And I realized that without Jesus I can do nothing.
Is romanticism and depth of feeling the same thing? Depth of feeling is a human feature. Romanticism has been with us for several centuries at most, and romanticism as you see it - for several decades only. It's a cultural thing
"Don't allow yourself to get lonely." I wonder how this should work? Say, for a single person in a new city after a long working day? I would say, such a person after a 2-hour commute home would have a bingo of hungry, lonely and tired.
thoughts create feelings in a loop..Can any of you turn your thought off like a light switch? literally stop the mechanics of all thought within the mind so there are none? This was a new phenomenon to me two years ago. I don't know how it happened but i was suddenly able to turn the internal machine of mind off. This lead to more questions ..if i can turn all thoughts of mind off so there are none then surely we are not even our thoughts ? because who is the one that observed the thoughts, whom is the thinker and whom is the one that is able to turn off the thoughts? The interesting thing about turning off all thoughts is that people find you somehow magnetic and come towards you . When your mind thinks negative thoughts and then have the negative emotion we repel others ..thoughts are energy but no thought must also become some other energy ..weird ..try it ..its very interesting
Well it’s true we can use thought to create An emotion, modern neuroscience now shows nearly every single thought originates from emotion therefore if you want to change your thoughts you have to change the way you feel.
People who only watch videos to cut presenters down prove they don't value their own time, the same way they prove they feel like such crap about themselves that they actively seek others to cheaply use. People who already feel ok with themselves don't need to undercut anyone or anything in order to feel ok.
@@damson9470 we are created in His image. Does that mean we we have exclusive rights to emotions? As best as I can tell and from personal experience I fall constantly.
Are we responsible for other people’s feelings. Of course not , but I can assure you I can hurt people’s feelings quite easily every day. . Do I care? NO. More like I can’t be bothered to.
Not exactly true. 5 out of 10 of the people you’re trying to hurt probably will laugh at you or not care what you think. Therefor no you don’t hurt their feelings . Their brain reacts based on how they feel already
