There are many who understand your video, me, being one of them😊 When from our better selves we have to long Been parted by the hurrying world, and droop Sick of it's business,of it's pleasures tired, How gracious, how benign, is solitude. William Wordsworth. I like people and I enjoy my 2 book clubs and family visits, but most of all I love silence, nature and solitude. God bless you Ilona.
I am very much like you ilona. I do a keep fit class and a yoga class every week and really enjoy them. I have a partner but we dont live together but do things at the weekend and give each other space. I joined a crochet group recently but found one woman quite aggresive and crude so stopped going. I am independent and enjoy my own company. With groups it has to be the right fit for me.x
Hi Ilona ! You are not unusual or different. Basically , I think, most of us have the same core needs - our individual personalities are formed from when we are literally in the cradle. I’m like you in the respect that I tend to observe rather than join in; I’m not a ‘joiner’ . I find I tend to get bored with many people. I’d rather be alone mostly… I find I don’t need to travel in a ‘pack’ or an entourage!! You are a strong independent woman and I admire you ! I like your thinking. It gives voice to many,many of my own thoughts. Much love and hugs from across the pond.. ❤ 🦋🌻
Thank you Marilyn. I look back on my life, and remember that I did try and fit in, but there was always the nagging feeling that I didn't. Now I know that I don't have to, and it's exhilarating to think that I have at last got it right. No more pretending.
@@meanqueensuperscrimper8908 exactly. Up until recently I’d agree with certain ‘friends’ So that I’d fit in ,and also to avoid unpleasant Defensive discussion. After a bit , this behavior of mine scared me! I think this newfound wisdom comes with age . I suspect there are many around who act this way just to avoid confrontation .🌻
I am exactly the same way! I’m 55 yr old. Wife of 35 years, mother of 3 grown sons but very much like to be by myself. I like myself and the way I am. I work in an elementary school as an assistant teacher and I never join in with the others and when I leave , I leave very quietly. I love your videos. I’m from Indiana USA. But I feel my soul belongs in England. Thank you for your videos ♥️♥️♥️
I am the same, but 61. Also a teacher assistant and I also never join in and leave very quietly! The only issue I'm encountering is that I have no friends really. If it wasn't for my husband, I'd be alone. That's the only part that concerns me.
I know where you are coming from. I am the same way. Don't like crowds. Always worked in my own little space. Liked being on my way our the door with no body else around. Always was in the back of the room when having company meetings. I loved figuring out problems on my own. I am retired and loving it.
I saw the same video with Melanie and so much of it made sense to me too. Most things in life don't make sense to me, I can't do small talk, most people appear to me to be vacant and without much substance to them and follow the crowd and I always feel quite different in my approach to life to most people I encounter and I'm always drawn more to people who are 'different' because to me they are interesting. Perhaps why I watch your videos. I'm often struck at how I can sense someone is a wrong'un quite early on but those around me cannot see that and months/years later arrive at the same conclusion and it frustrates me greatly that they cannot see what I so clearly can until much further down the line. I'm amazed at how people so easily toe the line or follow the line and can't think for themselves. So much about life baffles me and others don't seem to think too deeply about it and just get on with life without thinking about the bigger picture and get bogged down in daily gripes and minuita. When you have a deeper perspective in life it's hard to let the little things bother you because you're so aware we have one life and we're only here for a short time. So many people are bothered by materialistic stuff and external factors rather than working on the inside. I've also struggled with injustice/unfairness. I can remember as far back as primary school rowing with teachers who were rude to me. I was rude back, got into trouble and couldn't understand why it was ok for them to be rude to me, but not for me to do it back. Nobody could ever explain that and just insisted I apologised to teachers. I would often be honest and not hold back my opinions as I was encouraged to do this by teachers and parents, and this led to me getting into bother with others too. You can't win. I struggle with work too and authority, being told what to do, ludicrous decisions being taken that I have to go along with and dealing with office politics. Perhaps I'm just not right for the world.
My son could relate to you, he's autistic. Likes his own company, doesn't care about not fitting in. I think he does like people but doesn't understand social etiquette i.e he may not stop to talk if he's on a mission. He doesn't see the point. I'm introverted and just get exhausted around others, but can fake social stuff if i need to. ❤
Just a thought if your son wasn’t autistic his personality may still have been that way I understand his thought process is different but some people are like that autistic or not you should not let autism define your son he is just individual 😊
@@meanqueensuperscrimper8908 Are you implying that people on the autism spectrum don't understand social etiquette? Autism is a spectrum neurological disability. People with mild autism are often highly intelligent and often very adept at social etiquette. We have followed you for some time and often wondered from your presentation if you have a touch of autism. A diagnosis can be very helpful in understanding who you are as a person. Good luck with it all.
I have always been a loner from childhood . I am always nervous in groups . I am friendly and caring but I just don't fit in like yourself . I do what I need to do in my life. I prefer to be on my own . I have hobbies but I just don't understand why a lot of people do and say the things that they do. I have come to terms with myself now ,mostly . I am always pleasant and respectful to others. When I have to join a group for some reason I always check for an escape route when, my bafflement gets too much . In some respects I feel we are similar . It is very emotionally draining for me in a group. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. x
If you are in a group situation and you know you will be anxious, give yourself a time limit. Either go late, or leave early. I am late everywhere, I go when it suits me. I leave when I have had enough.
Oh, we are kindred spirits, I am the same way 😂 thank you for the video and saying don't need to explain. It's good to know there are others in the world. Yes, comfortable in my own skin ❤❤
Ilona , I am so happy you are finding more out about yourself, it's a surprising but fulfilling journey.I took a similar path and came to the realisation that I am Autistic, looking back on my life I can now understand so much more. I decided to go for assessment (which is not necessary really) but I did and after 9 hours over three days I was diagnosed by a team of specialists. So here I am 70 years old and at last able to see my self and my life experience clearer. I feel reassured and content with the knowledge. Please keep looking and you will find some wonderful Autistic advocates online. The community is very welcoming. Best wishes.
@@meanqueensuperscrimper8908I am 50 and about 5 years ago I realised I was autistic. I don't know why it took me so long to figure it out when I have 3 autistic children so I know the signs lol. I will not be seeking a diagnosis either. There is no point. There is no cure for autism but it doesn't need to be cured - we are not broken we are just different. Sometimes it can make life hard, when society had all the lights on too much and the radio on too loud, or they all want to make a fuss and hug us (a lot of us dont like goodbyes or hugs) or when society berates us for being different. But we are used to their displeasure so it's ok. LIke you, having been different all my life I have come to accept that that is just how I am. It's quite affirming to find out that there are other people who feel the same as me. And it turns out most of my friends and family are autistic or adhd or both and that's why we get on, because we are similar. You're right theres so much to learn on the internet and if you join facebook groups like "surprise you're autistic!" a group for us that find out later in life, you will find other people having the same experiences and it helps explain things that we have always wondered about. Anyway I'm glad you're finding out about yourself, it's important.
I can relate. I don't like a lot of attention on me. I fly below the radar and never liked the center stage. I am an introvert so that is probably why as well.
Having your own space and thoughts is very important of course, but I think a little awareness of how it can be perceived by others is helpful too. For example, when people reach out to you after you suddenly disappear without letting anyone know, then of course they will be concerned and ask if you are ok. Its just them being kind and caring. :)
I like the way you embrace life and enjoy it. For me freedom is important when you are with other people you have to compromise. At the same time I can long for company but it have to be the right one and that can be hard to find sometimes.
Ilona, I can relate to this and I believe there are many of us out there who are similar to you. Thank you for this video as it made me smile because this is me too! We are unique 😊
Hello again ☺. Veronica here, another different name that made me different at school too, but not in a bad way. Thanks for this Ilona. We spoke recently in the resreve car park in Barton of the the loss of my husband Terry. And although we had our own interests, we were very much together for 54 years! So now I find myself alone and quite honestly I am struggling with that most days at the moment 😢. But I am being strong and responsible for doing things my way and not relyng on other folk to make decisions etc for me. Take care and keep doing things your way. We may even meet up for that coffee one of these days ... Sending love, light and (finally) some summer blessings 🐝🌹🐞🌾🐾🐱 xx
I don’t like going out now, not where people are anyway!!!🤦♀️I can meet with a group of friends for so long, then I’ve had enough and want to get back home,where sanity rules!!!😂😂😂🙏🏻💐
I wish l was as articulate as you, l can really identify with what you are saying Ilona.I came across Melanie Sykes by chance the other day l didn't recognize her at first, she is another who is articulate.I have always felt different and wondered why,l have always felt on the outside,l don't like crowds or social gatherings l suppose l would be classed as a loner.I do like people but only in small doses.I love my own company, l think it stemmed from a very lonely unhappy childhood.I still dont really know who l am ,just that l would rather stand in the background,and like you escape without anyone noticing.
@@meanqueensuperscrimper8908 l do,it was only last week by chance l found her and didn't recognize her at first but it was the voice that rang a bell.Shes very to the point and doesn't suffer fools gladly.l subscribed to her channel after .listening to her.
I enjoy being and living on my own. I have lived alone for 26 years. I don't like being fussed over either, and only hug family and close friends. No long good byes For me either! 😣 🙃
Fwiw i like to let other such group members know I've appreciated being in their company/learning from them, so typically stop just as i leave the room, wave, scan the folk (maybe catching some eyes) and say loudly "Thanks everybody". We're saying that to "the universe" at the same time... Though sometimes it can be too busy/loud.
My mum was in her 40's when I was born... I have 2 much older sisters who were a self contained unit... I was always the kid having to be dragged around .... More or less like an only child. So I fell lucky that being on my own doesn't phase me, I can amuse myself and find things to do and try to be self sufficient..... growing up people said I was unsociable because if I disagreed I would voice it .... I too choose group activities on my own terms..I have a very close group of friends who I love dearly ... so I totally get it..... keep doing what you are doing....
I understand how you say you are, because i have been like this all my life. I prefer to be a strong independent woman, struggling along sometimes in life, but enjoying the lows and highs and never asking for help. There is always a solution. I don't like all that byeeeee stuff, i cant do small talk, but at the same time i am a sociable person, yet on my own terms.I don't follow the crowd, prefer to do things on my own.I think sometimes we are just born like this, for as a child i was the same. That was a great video! Best wishes to you.
Hi Ilona. I can relate too. I remember being this way since à very young âgé. An introvert. 1 of my daughter is the same, even during her teenage. She would rather be alobe, reading, rather than joining à group she does not like, during breaks at school 😮
I was a very shy teenager when I was at school. But suddenly had to make the effort to mingle when I started work. Now, in my later years, I have gone back to being mostly shy with a naughty streak.
Hi IIona I know exactly where you are coming from I love my own company Just to say again I love your hair especially the lighter colour It really suits you ❤❤
I love being on my own, I can feel my stress levels rising when I’m around others too much. Sometimes when I’m out I just feel I want to leave and be on my own
Ilona... I don't think you're different, I think you respect your own right to be an individual, thinking your own thoughts and making your own choices. We are all different but some (maybe a lot), choose to go along with the gang. Before I watched the whole video, the title 'Discovering me' along with the comment that showed at the top of the feed which mentions 'autism' I was thinking you were going to announce this as your discovery. 🤣 Phew!! I'm not into making a hello /goodbye fuss either. I too like people. See... you're not so different 😊 👍
The way Melanie Sykes talks about herself could well have been me. I don't feel the need to make a dramatic announcement, but autism is something I will be exploring more.
This chat so clicked with me. like you I am a happy, independent, self reliant person. We are not alone but definitely in the minority. I am well aware general society finds it hard to grasp my ………. personality for want of a better word. But I like me and love my life. It is tiering to constantly reassure others that I am just fine thank you. Why wouldn’t I be ? Its sweat that others care so much about me. And I dont want to cause them stress. But it often baffles me why they seam so concerned.
Well said Ilona. I too have some great friends and I love to spend time with them. However, I also like to spend time with just me and my pets. You’re an inspiration! 😻
Hi Ilona, I'm the same just like to quietly leave and I prefer to sit back and listen. I think your name is beautiful, I was called Leigh and was forever taunted I have a boys name. Would of loved to have been called Susan 😂 Take care xxx
You could be talking about me. I had, but not now, a fairly unusual name when I was growing up and I think I too was aware of being different from that point. It’s now a fairly common name, at least the shortened version. I’m also down the rabbit hole with you and certainly like being my own independent person.
Thank you, I think I’ve almost pieced together the vital information, so I’m now coming up for air. Definitely making the most of a quiet, non conforming, fearless as possible lifestyle. It’s good to be different, peaceful and comfortable in yourself.
Yes llona I've never gone along with the masses & i don't like crowds and i always like to question things it pulls us apart from the norm which i like .
I have the next door app purely to find out anything that may be relevant to me in my area. But some of the people on there are aggressive, rude, insulting etc etc. It is disheartening to see what started as kindly advise or just a comment turned into a vile slanging match...and like you I don't dislike people but I often give thanks that I don't live next door to some of those neighbours..it's a very strange world we have been forced into and you are right to be happy in yourself. Relying on other people to feel whole is never a good thing.
Having a common name doesn't help you 'fit in' either. Try being one of three Judy(s) in a classroom, and the teacher insists on calling you Judith. The only time Judith was used was when my parents were about to reprimand me for my behavior. The same thing happened with all the Debbie/Deborahs or Cathy/Catherines. It's just who we are. We are just a bit different from the crowd.
You’ve learned to set boundaries in your life regarding other people Ilona, you like to interact and yet you know exactly when to leave the room, I understand completely because this is me 👍
I agree elaine Ilona sounds like 90% of the population you are not strange at all. The ones that have the crowd and buzz around them are the popular girls I think we have all met them in our lives they think they are something special depend on a group to boost there popularity I call show offs .
My lad is disabled and still lives with me..each year i take him on a train journey to a different UK city as he loves it..I on the other hand hate being away from home..all the packing and unpacking..my best part of any trip is getting home and back to my dogs and my own things and routine. Cant be doing with a lot of other people xx
Ilona you are fab! Perfect as you are! I totally identify with the feeling different...but I'm cool with that. I too like people but don't feel the need to be with them all the time. I think it's an introvert thing! 😉😁x
@@sheridanjay I did not saying ilona had it, I was just saying it seemed like it. Yes Asperger's does not come under the DSM anymore, yet many people understand what this means, still Autism spectrum!!!!
I feel the same way Ilona I have never asked for help my mother always made me rely on myself and I’ve got to 48 years of age just fine 😊. Yes others opinions are none of my business agreed. I find all that kind of stuff fake to be honest most people do the cheerio’s and screaming then talk about you in your absence. Plus I find people nosey I am very private but people want to be intrusive, humanity has gone astray. The be kind people are all for show it’s actually the be nasty crew be nosey be angry. If people put all that attention into their own lives maybe they would be better off. I don’t think anyone should question anyone’s decisions or how they are and they never used to. I don’t live conventionally but my choices are mine I’m happy with me and my life as I say now “ You do You” 😂😂 people can no longer think for themselves so push their observations onto people that can and do. Yes I agree people should own their own issues not offload them onto others fab video ❤
I am nosey but never confrontational. I want to know what's going on so I ask questions. I back off if the other person doesn't want to talk, and I don't listen to people who try and tell me what I should be thinking and saying.
Ilona, a friend of mine who went delving into finding herself (her mother had been emotionally abusive and had died), had me take a personality test. The one she gave me was Truity. There are supposedly 16 personality types. I ended up being an INFJ the rarest form of type (only 2.3% of the population is this type), and it explained that it reflected a 'true loner' which kind of explains why I tend to have very few friends and am OK with this. I'm also divorced. It explained a lot to me. I took the test 3 times and ended up being INFJ all 3 times. Look it up. At the very least it will be amusing for you.
Thank you very much for that information. I'm glad you found yourself. I won't follow your example. Every day is a discovery for me, I am happy to do this by myself. I don't want to join anything, I don't want to give myself a label, I don't want to be a member of an exclusive group. What gives me peace of mind is knowing that I am me.
That personality or psychometric "test" is the "Myers Briggs Type Indicator" or MBTI. It is named after a mother and daughter team who developed it and is very interesting.
Ilona 😮 It’s taken me years to get to this point ! I tried to fit in & failed People think my kindness is weakness ! Big mistake 😂 Iv never been happier than I am now , I don’t have friends ! I only want my family
I'm unconventional and independent. People wonder why I don't want to go to all day away events in a bus, but I don't want to be stuck somewhere and can't go home when I am ready.
Each to their own ! Everyone different as long as we try to do a bit if good in this crazy world 🤪 then thats all that matters. I don't like all this kissing and cuddling people we hardly know ! Just be pleasant and smile . It goes a long way . 😁 .
Seems quite self centred to not simply take the time to say lovely to see you, goodbye 👋 basic common courtesy to others. By not saying bye at your craft group as you have seen, you are actually more likely to cause a scene than if you’d just said quickly on your way out, bye everyone. Not hard and quite frankly rude leaving abruptly like the people you just spent the time with aren’t even worth acknowledging. Things have a beginning, middle and end, bye is the end.
Those familiar with neuro & personality disorders will comprehend Ilona's "rude" behaviour without explanation. (Elaborate goodbye-ings can be stressful to some folk, and Ilona has explained here she doesn't like them...has an aversion.) Hth
I don't feel like part of a tribe either. All this football flag business just makes me think how I'm not one of them. I always want the England team to lose. They're not mine.
