This really quickly turned from "let's react to a silly video" to a really deep and emotionally intelligent reflection on being queer in 2023. And I appreciate that.
My Grandmother was more or less closeted her entire life. She died when I was a little girl, and I hardly remember her at all, but I figured out that she was a lesbian when I was in my mid 30's. My aunt was talking about her mum, and how she liked to wear mens suits and that she had the barber cut her hair quite short, and that she smoked a pipe. Any doubt that I had disappeared when my aunt mentioned how back in the early 1950's, grandma and her "best friend since high school" shared a small secluded cabin on a lake after she and grandpa divorced.
TV taught me from a young age that you can be in STRAIGHT relationship. It taught me that women like men and men like women. When I was a child I didn't see or hear anything about the same gender being able to do the same things. I didn't know being gay was a thing until the age of 10. As soon as I heard about it, I started to question my sexuality. Because my boy crushes always felt forced. it was things like "He's nice and has pretty pretty hair. This is a crush," You can probably hear how that's not right. I've "liked," boys before but I've never had that crush feeling with them, like I get with girls. I am so grateful that kids' cartoons are more inclusive now. Because if I had that when I was little, I would have figured myself out way faster. Instead, I had to deal with CompHet and internalized homophobia.
Its interesting to hear the younger generation talk about these things. I'm 64, and we diffidently had a much different time coming up in the 60's 70's and 80's. There was much more of a stigma associated with being gay/lesbian. And then I went into the Army, where I had to hide my sexuality for 20 years, or suffer getting drummed out without any benefits. Different time, different problems.
Oh shit! You said that so beautifully! You can’t damage a relationship just by being yourself. Someone else not liking who you are and damaging the relationship can damage it. But you just existing and someone not liking it isn’t on you! Gah! Needed to hear that.
To snowball on the Broke Back Mountain story: I know parents who are okay if your friend is gay but if you (their child) come out as gay, it's a problem. Like having a lack of sympathy to a bad situation someone is going thru but then when it happens to them, they expect all the sympathy without seeing a hypocrisy.
In terms of who carries more privilege I think it is split down the middle for me. I think men as a whole carry more privilege however for gay men I think the violence endured offsets that a fair bit. As for queer women, in addition to being disregarded, queer women especially masc women are experiencing more violence in part due to anti trans rhetoric and the “I can always tell” crowd. Also for women, that disregarding of our relationship leads to a fair bit of sexual violence.
I'm glad that queer rep is getting more content in media and films etc and I know that both gay and lesbian people face prejudice in similar and/or different ways but at the same time... the amount of shows that have been cancelled after a sapphic relationship is introduced or is the main relationship of the show is actually crazy and speaks volume to me considering how much mlm content that's out there that is so loved and appreciated (I too love and appreciate but I just wish there was more wlw content as well) and it makes me upset that I find a show that I grow to love and find relatbale in their sapphic romance for it to be cancelled after the first or second season? it makes me upset and angry
It’s funny. I’ve always had close lesbian and gay friends. So when my daughter finally came out to me, she told me she was so nervous to tell me. Even though she knew my friends, she was still nervous. When she did I just have her a huge hug and said, just love who you want to love. Now our relationship is even better.
I just felt so called out at 8:09... Like... I was married to a man, I have a kid and I came out of the closet after my divorce, at 24/25 (yeah, I got married at 19 and was a mom at 21)... It's so hard to come out when you are already a mom... cause people look at you like "oh, was it thaaaaaaaat bad???" in a worse way from what they do when you had a relationship with a man, but didn't came anything from it... And there is the thing like "will my kid accept me? will them accept my partner?" I was lucky my son was little and I raised him right, so when he understood I'm queer he was like "ok". And when my fiancée asked him if he would let us marry he was like "yeah" almost asking if there would be cake, you know? And he calls her mom, and they love each other more than the other blood related... I wouldn't change a thing, but it IS harder and no jokes now, I'm happy she went out of the relationship before it came to this for her. Cause is really hard.
Brianne… What an awesome early Christmas present 💖🫶🥰💖. I’d just like to wish you, your family & EVERYONE here watching a very Merry Christmas & a safe, prosperous & Happy New Year 💖🎄🎅🏻💖. All the best for continued success of the Low Budget Shit Show for 2024 🤞😍💖
I don't know how relevant this is... just gonna put it here for a view from the other side. I'm a straight male. And I have had people many, many times ask me, "How do you know you're straight??" It may be because I'm a bit less typically-masculine, or that I'm a hugger rather than a fistbumper. Iunno. So when I look at them and confidently reply, "Oh, I definitely know I'm straight," they usually come back with, "Yeah, but you don't REALLY know until you try," which I follow up with, "I agree with you. I definitely know that I am only straight." What throws me is, maybe 40% of the time, they don't accept it. I've had lots of people meet me and think me gay just from spending time with me, without any discussion on my sexuality or my love life. I don't know why I put those vibes out but apparently I do. It's not uncomfortable, or infuriating, or putting me in a position of feeling disrespected, when people then say, "Oh, but people change, or maybe it just wasn't your type of guy, etc." It's mostly just confusing. Maybe a bit annoying. I tell people, no, you're wrong, I very much know I'm straight. There wasn't really a point to this comment. I guess I think it has less to do with society as a whole and more to do with the views of the smaller community groups. I have been in groups where to say you're gay gets no comment, but to say you're straight gets all the questions, because it's considered the pushed-norm and some people will automatically assume you're closeted. I guess it's the same but in reverse in other communities: assuming you must be the pushed-norm and if you aren't then you're norm is closeted.
I've noticed that people want to put each other in boxes based on stereotypes. People want to label's other's sexuality based on very simplistic stereotypes and won't allow that person to say who they are if it goes against that person's stereotype.
I'm a bi dude so I thought I'd offer a few thoughts on the "Are gay men more privileged than lesbians" question. First, as you mentioned, society tends to see being gay as in direct opposition to masculinity which leads to gay men being the focus of a lot of homophobia (eg. "the idea of two grown men kissing disgusts me"), whereas lesbians can be overlooked or sometimes completely ignored. That's not at all to say that lesbians don't experience homophobia. Personally, I find a lot of this similar to how people talk about "bisexual privilege" which is the idea that bi people can just settle down with someone of the opposite gender and pretend to be straight. The problem with that is you need to stay in the closet. TBH, I feel that if people can only accept you because they don't realize your queer then it's not really a privilege.
I had a group of friends who were gay. We gamed together. There was one guy that was sure that all men were really gay and that I was in denial because I hadn't tried it. Looking back, I can laugh at the situation. I had other friends both then and before that who proved that Sebastian was the exception to the rule. I'm sorry that the opposite isn't true - that most CIS folks do not have empathy when dealing with others. They miss out on so much.
2:19 I strongly understand what she is feeling....I thought I was straight till I turned 10...then I slowly understood how lesbianism works and that people don't accept it as much as I expected them to..the boys in our class in the 6th grade used to just troll all the girls in the class calling them lesbos without actually knowing if I was one....that was when I told this entire situation to my sister and that's how she found out I was a lesbian..she wasn't too supportive of it but was just accepting me....I was scared to tell my mom as one day she was soo unhappy and dissapointed with an actress who was in a relationship with another.....I still haven't told my mom and dad this soooo PLEASEEEEEEE HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP............I am literally still in the closet😭😭😭😭😭😭 HOPE U READ THIS BRIANNE..ILYSM💖💖💖💖💖💖
There is no such thing as coriander. It's just shavings of solidified dish soap that people have been insisting is a plant as some kind of mean-spirited prank.
On the gay men question... I feel like there are 2 types of people, those who accept LGBTQ+ people and those don't. This question really seems to be "more" (not exclusively) about those who are homophobic or intolerant. And on that side I'd say once a "man" is gay the intolerant will not allow them to be a man even if the were just experimenting and decided they want to live straight from now on. Almost like "virginity" once you lose it you can never reclaim it. Women who date women... the intolerant are more likely to allow "back in the fold" as if it is a lesser sin or something. Granted I don't know shit about any of this.
That's a thing called comphet (compulsory heteronormativity). Straight until proven gay. I was a bit dumb to my sexuality. I mean, I grew up being a fat nerd, so I never really liked myself or was considered desirable enough to have dates and all those other things people do to figure out their sexuality. Until like 2022, I thought I was panromantic asexual. Internalised fatphobia and depression kind of made me ignore that whole part of my life. Then I finally took a chance and let someone in, and realised I am probably demisexual (or just need to know somebody REALLY well to be able to trust them enough to be vulnerable around them). In case you wanted to know.
Called out at 18:00 again! OMG! One of the comments I hear TILL TODAY (sometimes as a joke and sometimes seriously) from people is "At least you already had a kid... you contributed to society" or "At least you gave us/your parents a grandkid" so yeah... Having said that: My parents were cool with the fact I was in love with a woman...they were so chill that I got "low key offended" by my moms reaction hahahaha "I need to talk about something very serious and important with you" "What???" "I'm in love with Lib and she's in love with me and now that my divorce is settled we will be together" "Oh, that's the important thing? That you love a woman? Come on... I already knew that... I thought you were going to tell me something trully serious and important. We love you anyways..." and I was crying and like "What?" I prepared for years, I cried every night in fear... and she was like "that's not this big... not thaaaaaaaat important... I'm not freaking out... I already have my greatson, so is fine..." O.O hahahaha (Yeah, we joke a lot now and all, but at the time I was trully terrified and part of me was a bit bad for fearing that much for nothing, like, "how???", you know? And the rest was just "oooofff, that's great... no drama... I'm still loved... thanks!"
So, yes, you can help who you fall in love with. Infatuation, which is where things start, is more difficult to manage, especially when you are younger. I get that being in a time, or place, where acceptance and choices are limited creates blinders but it is still a choice to act on that infatuation Sex isn't always amazing, even with one's preferred gender. The Romance genre has this to answer for.* Attraction is a huge factorin how sex feels, but so are communication, practice, and skill In MY experience, guys are less threatened by lesbians because they think they still have a chance. *as well as what people think love is.
1st-great shirt on you. 2nd-Ok the woman who said she was in love with her best friends in high school-isn't she married to Cammie Scott? That is Taryn. Mind blown. 3rd-my friend is 67 and has twin girls but has always known she's gay, however she married (very nice man, he's my lawyer) but she felt pressured to have kids and get married because of society. 4th-a police officer asked if I had ever slept with a guy after I said I'm gay AFTER he accused me of being on a date with a male friend (heavy point in next part) who I witnessed drown a few hours prior and I responded with Not consensually. Though true, it was blunt and I wanted him to stfu. He clearly could not comprehend a feminine woman not being interested in a guy. 19:39 LOVE women supporting women, beautiful.
Brianne, is it not possible that the question at 15:52 actually phrased 'damaged' as an adjective rather than a past participle, so not so much suggesting they damaged the relationships, but have (possess) damaged relationships? Idk I can see how it could be either, english is weird lol, but that's just how I read it.
I’m watching this video and taking in all the points and I understand it but first thing I really was surprised about is that she said a instead of zed
@11:00 - I would assume more discrimination of Lesbian/Bisexual Girls by Straight Girls - with men only caring is the get a crush on a Lesbian... Also, some guys find two girls hot and some girls find two guys hot...
Maybe the older generation will more so have slept with a man, not that the younger gen haven’t but as being “Queer” is more “normal” now I feel the equation may be a bit different..
How can people be in relationships but not identify it that way? Is there a difference between that and a close best friend? Is there any sexual activity, at least kissing, in these realtionships, or not? Because if not, I think that's just a close friendship.
I've heard from a lesbian that scissoring doesn't work for lesbians. But then what kind of scissoring is working, that i am not thinking of... ?! Please tell me, or i'll never stop calculating the geometry in my head.
Some things don't work for some people and for some reason people tend to generalize their experience as being the standard for others. Takes two to tango. Takes two to scisser. ;)
@@drachior There is, but only in the sense that if it works for the people doing it, then it's right, and if it doesn't work for the people doing it, then it's wrong.
Just to throw another argument into the whole mix about "Who's more priviledged?": It's a lot harder for gay men to have children than for lesbian women. Also, I think the wording of the question of "I have damaged relationships..." is not meant to focus on you who has damaged a relationship but rather on the existence of there being damaged relationships. As in "I have healthy relationship with XYZ" compared to "I have damaged relationships with XYZ". Last thing: to be honest, I don't think that being lesbian is the highest form of femininity. I don't know, it just felt weird hearing you say that. Maybe just because I think that femininity is such a subjective thing but I wouldn't say that I feel less or more feminine to somebody who's gay. Sexuality isn't a factor in that - at least for me.
I think the criticism of small towns is a bit unfair? It might just be that statistically there aren't that many non-straight people, and certainly not of your age if you're living in an area of a couple thousand people?
It’s at least 10% of any population. Surveys say of Gen Z it’s more like 20% as a lot more of them are out, and can admit to being Bi which is a category that was swept under the carpet before because you can hide it so easily. So that’s at least 200 in a small town of 2,000 people.
Ok, in before this (apparently, according to the comments) gets more serious.... I suspect that scissoring is like 69 - you hear all about it, and it's 'the sex thing', and then when you finally try it and you realise that it's dumb and there are much better ways to make sex.
Also, as a sis male, the one time I asked a gay friend if he thought I was attractive, he responded with, 'well, maybe if you went to the gym a bit.' So yeah, no thank you - gay dudes' standards are way too high.
Oh my god... I've been drinking... someone take the keyboard away from me! But, jumping in again: I think it's worth noting that men and women are different and have different emotional responses and different physiologies. And, along those lines, I do think that women's sexual preference, on average, is far more fluid than men's. I know of lesbian women who will make out with guys on occasion if they have been drinking and are wanting physical contact (and plenty of lesbians who are not at all like that). Men, however, seem to be far more polarised in their sexuality. Yes, there are male bi-sexuals, of course, but I do think that for the most part, men are more rigid in their preferences, be it for males or females. And note that I don't care and don't think it matters at all - date whomever you like, and just be true to yourself, etc. However, I do want to advocate for acknowledging differences, as well as accepting them. (And, along those lines, if that turns out to be nonsense, then cool- I'll believe it and encourage you to do so as well).
F it... I'm already in, so might as well dig the hole deeper... =). I think there is a spectrum of reasons why cis males are more accepting of lesbians, including one that I haven't seen brought up in this video: we get it. You want to kiss a girl? Yeah, I can see that. They're soft and lovely and they smell nice. But a dude? NO WAY! And yeah, sure, completely acknowledge that fetishising occurs, but I also don't think that's the complete explanation.
Finally... a lot of acceptance comes from exposure. One of my wife's best friends is a professor of family law, specialising in gender studies, and she happened to be travelling near where my wife and I were when meeting up with my parents. My mother comes from a small Oklahoma town, with a population numbering in the hundreds. And while she is lovely and honestly tries to be as open minded as she can, homosexuality was just not something that ever entered into her world view. After meeting my wife's friend, my mother said, as lovingly as possible, 'Wow, she's very pretty.' And yes, it betrays her ignorance. But it was just that: ignorance. And my mother loved her, and it was a step forward. And I've made plenty of mis-steps. But, with exposure, it just becomes 'not interesting' enough to snap out of your own head enough to realise that it's also 'none of my f'ing business'. So yeah... progress, it's as real as scissoring, but also maybe not happening as quickly as any of us would like.
I am an uhm somwhat older trans woman. I was married 10 years to closeted lesbian who was massively in denial. Anyways, i transitioned fully since then and for 10 years i greatly enjoyed men... but the last few years i have been getting intimate with lesbian women - and i have massive feelings of embarrassment. I feel like i am cheating myself into something i dont deserve. I am extremely nervous and overly cautious. I discovered that scizzoring is like a a really nice wet warm hug. Very intimate and sweaty and cuddly and muscled. What i dont understand is i am getting it with girls less than half my age. I mean its funand i will give joy with every smile and kiss ... but is it mommy issues? My level of experience? My physical strength and size?
Maybe you're gay or bi ? You used to like women so makes sense why you like them now right. Maybe you like the emotional connection. My friend who is trans woman used to like men before transitioning and still likes men now which is interesting because I thought your sexuality stayed the same when you transitioned 🤔 which in theory made me think gay people will always be gay even when they transition and vice versa ?
Before the bloody internet EVERY TOWN WAS A SMALL TOWN R.I.P HUMANITY. The destruction and downfall into pure sadistic self gratification gimme gimme generation 🤮
A long time ago I had a friend who was an out lesbian who told me no scissoring isnt a thing and thats its just in 🌽 movies and thats it. Well I believed her over everyone else because I mean she would know right? Well I found out much later that’s not true. Idk why she told me that but we stopped talking years ago so I can’t really ask her now. Also I hate the being friends stuff. My parents do it too. For the longest time my gf was called my buddy by them and they knew that wasn’t correct. I’ve literally gotten so tired of it ive just gone off yelling she is my gf!!! Its so frustrating.
