Do I Actually LIKE Being A Composer??? 

Great thoughts, many thanks for sharing, Christian. In my case, I´ve come to a very different point. I´ve been struggling since I was young to learn sound editing, and even got to work in cinema (where my work got Goya nomination and Oscar preselection, and I´ve even edited a short which is Guinnes World Records: most awarded short, ever), got some Promax, Silver Bear in Berlin... I´ve even got to get some money from music, even not knowing a word about music at all, and now I´m selling some tracks for Netflix, Amazon Prime, commercials... BUT I´m only 47, and some recent events in my life have driven me to what I think is my most successful achievement: giving up work hours (and therefore, money) so as to spend more time with my family. NOW, I´m starting to feel the envy in my colleagues. Not everyone has the guts to say "hey, you want me working for you? I only work 3 days a week, I need time". This has been a very challenging moment. My wife has supported me in my decission, and she has reduced her scheduled too. We manage to pay the bills, of course, no money for luxuries like going out for dinner or buying a new car. But I take my kids home for lunch, spend those 2 hours like they are golden, and as soon as I pick them up whe they´re out of school, we go to play in a park, paiting a picture together, and of course, we sometimes record our own family songs at home (don´t worry, no Spitfire Audio library was damaged in the process) ;) Now, after feeling that I had got to an interesting point, even a promising one, in my professional life, I think that investing time in my family is the best thing I can do to feel the real value of success. I´ve married a wonderful woman, good, kind an who admires me, as I admire her. I´ve got a wonderful girl with very promising capabilities (you should watch her playing Bach in the piano) and a 5 year "mathemaniac" boy who dreams of dinosaurs and loves playing with me... what, if not this, could be success??? I´ve reached the top. And my awards are picking dust in a shelf or a drawer, now they don´t mean much to me. I admire your work, Christian, and I have no doubt that you have your own successful story. Personal success, I mean. Cheers, and keep it up with your wonderful company. (Sorry for my messy english, I write from Madrid)

Seriously, earlier today I was thinking about how amazing it is that we have access to people like you, essentially as mentors, for free, without even having to ask. Those amazing gifts that your mother gave you are the same gifts that you've been sharing here with all of us and I don't think we can thank you enough for it. But for what it's worth anyway, thank you.

Hi Christian, Can't tell you how much I love this channel. Although my career in music has been different. So many similarities to yours.

thanks for that really good listen

That was a very touching tribute to your mother Christian. She would have known things that you didn't say to her. She would have been so proud of all you and your brothers have achieved. A mother knows. When my mum hears some of the music I have written, she just can't understand why I never made a name for myself. But I can hear if in her voice when she hears my music. Mothers know!

We tend to forget to thank people in time. So, taking the opportunity, thank you, Christian, for all the great insights you've shared with all of us. Thank you a lot! And as an aside: Imma call my Mom tomorrow and thank her for the keyboard she bought me back in 1985 on a nurse's salary.

The Bass Rock in the background is true serendipity....Your Mum was amazing.. Thanks Christian.

This is really refreshing. Briefly I'm a longtime pianist. Play gigs, teach, accompany ballet, choirs, musical theatre, jazz, churches etc etc. Sometimes I'm freakin' bored of playing piano. THE STICKER is I'm damn lucky to be doing what I am, so how can I possibly be bored? RIGHT?? The extra sticker is I feel guilty for being a musician sometimes and then feel EXTRA guilty for not loving it all the time. A real kicker! Interesting and yes Christian, thank you. My one thought on what makes me still love it in addition to your 3, is giving it away, passing it on. Seeing young folks inspired and digging anything I can give them is joy joy joy! Cheers all!

A brilliant tribute to you Mum, Christian. I loved Una, she was a wonderful woman and actress

Christian... thank you so much for this video. I worked in the recording industry as a tech for over 20 years and finally found myself no longer enjoying it. While I miss the creative people in the studio, I don't miss the hours and those in charge who are often overly controlling, making one's life miserable. I allowed the studio to kill two marriages, but by the same token, I learned so much about myself. I still find myself becoming involved in the studio here and there, but now I've found my talents in writing and publishing books for those who either have a story to tell, or something to teach. It's rewarding and also allows me to be in control of my life to a greater degree. At the same time, I recently found myself getting back into music (I was a music major in college back when dinosaurs roamed the earth) and with that I found you, Guy Michelmore, Spitfire Audio, and a completely rewarding world of writing music and composing with sample libraries. Thanks again for all that you've contributed to developing the interests and talents of so many would-be and budding composers. Cheers, mate!!

The thing I like most about composing is the sense of release. Music is the space where the noise and chaos of existence suddenly organizes and makes sense. As a composer, putting 'this' with 'that' and being carried away by the synergy that results; that is where I feel whole, like myself.

For me the primary ingredients are, as you mentioned, working for people you like, and then the spark of discovery. Finding a way to sneak my eurorack into music for kids tv has been a blast. The filmmakers/directors/show runners care that you care about the music you create for them. Secondly, I work with my wife, and since we started officially working together, about two years ago, my stress has gone way down. Having a partner to share the highs and lows makes the achievements feel sweeter, and the burden lighter.

Christian, I love your philosophy of focusing on the emotional reaction, the human response, and not the technical matters. I’ve been in broadcasting for over 20 years. In my career as a storyteller, all I care about is the audience’s emotional response. I think too many times people get focused on impressing peers in the industry, and while that’s nice, the story is a failure if it does not move the intended audience. I had never consciously considered this until hearing you talk about your approach to composition.

Hi Christian. Just wanted to say that this resonated very strongly on a personal level. Even though she passed away some time ago, I still think of my (self-taught pianist) mum every day and how she nurtured and encouraged my younger self, my sister, and later her grandkids, in all manner of creative endeavours with her typical "do your best, or don't do it at all" ethos. I regret never really acknowledging how fortunate I was in this regard, mostly because, certainly in my case, it's really tough to accept the idea that your folks aren't going to be around forever. On a lighter note, it was a real treat to meet and greet on the walk last week in Edinburgh and might I ask what the "cheeky tipple at the top of the hill" was? It was bloody lovely and I am very much in need of some Winter supplies of that I think! 😀 -Rob

Christian. As we are on the subject of influence and thank yous, I wanted to say a thank you to you. You have had an influence on my skills and abilities, certainly had an influence on my bank balance!! But the biggest influence you have had has been to my mental health. Though your monologues are about the niche industry of being a composer, the core messages resonate much wider, and offer valid advice and support to many careers in many industries. I had a “career crisis” at a similar time to you, and though not in the same industry or the same circumstances, your videos were an important part of my “who am I, and what the f*ck do I do now” period. They were a bright light on some dark days. So thank you. I hope one day I will have the opportunity to buy you a beer in person. But in the meantime a virtual Peroni is raised in your honour. And in toast to your wonderful mother.

Everyone here has said it all, but a mum's (and/or dad's) wisdom comes out in the man/woman you become, and that is their greatest reward. I'm glad you were asked that question, because it has lead to this video, and you benefit as much as we do. Many think your profession is all beer and skittles, but to hear about your journey will give many of us inspiration in tougher times. A lot of us of a certain age have fond memories of your mum in many productions. Her cheerful and lively delivery, combined with her beaming smile, made her a (sorry but have to say it) a national treasure. As for what you say about what you did and didn't thank her for....a mother knows. I hope I speak for all your fans and subscribers in saying that these heart searching videos are as welcome and helpful as the musical ones. All the best Christian.

Awww bless you Christian! I think your mum was spot on! Persistence persistence !!! Only route to success

Well answered. Beautifully formulated. I am strangely at a similar place, but with a mother that tried to thwart my progress at every turn. It took a US #1 to turn her opinion around, and by then it was sadly too late to thank her for her resistance. Sorry for your loss.

Thank you for saying all of these things "out loud". Also, my condolences.

This is fantastic. The honesty is raw and lovely. What it means to struggle while being an artist. I am an actor/musician and I have found that above all the most rewarding work came from the time I said no to things that didn't serve me. One is always tempted and encouraged as an artist to say YES to everything. We know the work is ephemeral and sparse so you must take it all on to survive or succeed. BUT the stress is not sustainable in the end. You must choose what serves you and life has a way of rewarding you when you choose. Say no to what doesn't serve and yes to the work you will love, work hard at, and YES persevere.

Christian thank you for the vid.. I think for me there are 2 things that come after those 3 things you mentioned that are absolutely fundamental, resourcefulness and the Pareto principle. Being able to get the skill but then looking for the opportunity instead of waiting for the opportunity to come and becoming resourceful to figure it out was probably the greatest thing that helped me move forward when the insane amounts of hours of work and the tremendous skill along with the perfectionism were not enough.. And understanding the importance of that 20/80 rule was the key to be able to balance work, biz, family.. but mostly success. We could probably spend hours talking about those 2 subjects and why they are so important but those conversations will go to our kids that will get to enjoy the wisdom that experience of what shaped us in who we are. Thanks!!

You are an inspiration - thanks for being so open - (I think that is today's lesson). And what a great tribute to a wonderful woman who played such a key role in British culture... seem to have something in my eye.... x

YES!!! My exclamation was not meant as an answer but as a thunderous shout out for your honesty and sharing your heartfelt experiences of your life and journey, so glad to have made your acquaintance and sincerely hope we meet face to face one day and share a tale or two and a jolly good pint of the best. Cheers. K

Thanks for the honesty Christian! Your message was a big relief to me because I was feeling worried about having fallen out of love as well. All while watching colleagues from university overtaking me by continually doing the thing I've grown to dread. After 4 failed indie games that never saw the light of day and a few student documentaries that didn't lead anywhere, I also gave up and started my sampling business. I realised that what I enjoy most about being a composer is the ability to have the freedom to come up with new sounds. What I didn't like was having to painstakingly work with midi and to make bland background music, often with the same techniques I had used before. And the fact that I had to go running around practically begging people to give me a job. I hated that the most! Now I spend my time educating myself and experimenting with a whole variety of topics because I know, in the end I will be able to use that knowledge to make some kind of new sound which I can make a profit from. Totally on my own terms. And in the meantime I continue to make the music that I really want to make with no requirements and no pressure at all.

I’ve been a professional musician in one form or another my entire adult life, even though I did attempt a normal office job for several years. It’s a very tough nut, music as a living. Covid may very well have been the straw that broke the back of my most recent venture that was on the ascension for several years and is currently in an extremely precarious position. Touring was the revenue. But artistically it’s been an opportunity to shift. The thing about music that will keep me hooked my entire life is that you really can never stop learning with it. In the realm of emotion and subtlety, there really are endless ways to express the human condition and the moment. It’s intoxicating, that pursuit of endless knowledge and creation

Lovely to hear you talk so honestly about your mum and her influence. She seemed really nice. Very emotional for me as my mum passed away when I was 21, and it's not something I talk about much. One of the last things she helped me buy was a Roland MC 303, which I still have 23 years later. She didn't really know what it was (and neither did I fully at the time, my first bit of music gear), but her delight at my interest in music has always stuck with me.

What a guy. I'm glad I found you. It's refreshing to hear an honest take from a pro. So tired of every youtube video about music scoring being tailored to the algorithm and watch time. Trying to hack my brain to pay attention for as long as possible. In this little talks, I just feel like I'm sitting on the hillside with another composer. I wish I could do that in real life.

Brilliant and inspiring as always Christian, but the visual of a Yorkshire Terrier shagging a cat sent me into convulsions!! Bravo mate keep it coming. Leaned much from you!!

Sorry for your loss Christian. I just stopped after my farther past 2 years ago . thanks for the inspiration slowly getting back in to the studio now.

Great reflection on what made you Christian. I don't think you have to worry about not thanking your Mum for giving you those 'fundamental pillar's of success'. She already knew you had them by witnessing the amazing success and journey that you have been on. Seeing you achieve this would of been her reward. Have a great Xmas and good luck next year on keeping it all going!

Loved this! I knew you're mom was an actress somehow, but didn't know who it was. When you said Sherlock, a light went on. I didn't know that Una Stubbs was your Mum. So sorry for your loss. I absolutely LOVED her on Sherlock. Keep doing what you do and inspiring all of us.

As a millennial, I've been bombed for all my life with this 'idea' that once I get to work in something I like and enjoy it won't feel like a job anymore. That idea really hurt me for years, caused stress and anxiety in me, it took away the enjoyment of sound designing and composing, just because I relayed my happiness in a goal instead of enjoying the process. So I had to learn, that a job won't make me happy. Jobs are just jobs, something you get paid for doing, nothing else, the rest of it, it's what life is really about. I still can be a sound designer or a composer (or a swimmer!!), sound designing, composing (or swimming), and TRULY enjoying it even if I don't get paid for doing it. Since then I feel more relieved and lucky that I have time and resources to sound design, compose, swim, read, and other things that make me happy without any pressure. I still pursue a career as a paid professional sound designer, but it is less of a matter of life or death thing and more as a simple professional goal, being this a single part of the multiple parts that makes me, and my life.

I like your talks. I like the music tech and technique as well, but these occasional talkies are good things to listen to. I appreciate your focus on "how does it make you feel" about music. I'm not a great keyboardist, growing up a horn player, so I end up recording lines and solo parts and then composing the complicated bits. I focus on the sound and texture and feeling rather than try to make some virtuoso complexity. Since you asked -- My job is in IT and to get good in that it was hard work and persistence. And a passion for it. I'm not a professional musician, I do it for the enjoyment of it. I try to bring the same to the music and a focus on staying true to my tastes and interests rather than trying to make something that's in popular styles. I work hard on learning my tools, sculpting my own sounds, building songs in different ways and with different feels. And thanks again for this heartfelt talk.

Everyone needs a moment of catharsis that clears the waters and re-sets the path anew. Thank you for sharing.

So insightful, so valuable, thank you! Mums know your gratitude whether you say it or not, it’s one of their many super powers.

I definitely can relate. I've dreamt of making music since I was 4, rocking back and forth in front of a speaker in my moms living room engrossed in all manner of music. When I finally did, there were times a film would start to feel like a record I was beating to death. Sometimes I felt like a pair of hands with no creative input. Sometimes it seemed like those who could copy others really well were getting all the best work and I was to insecure to value my creative ideas. I've seriously considered quitting twice in my career and got pulled back in, and whilst the most jobs I've done at once is only eight, its definitely been overwhelming at times. Ive come to a place in my career now where people call me for me and I don't do jobs I don't want to do, passing them along to an assist or other writers. There are less calls, but being asked to do 'My" version or "me" has changed things drastically. It's allowed me to keep my sanity and grow as a composer.I don't wake up dreading the day. I do remember that every thing shifts and there is always so much more for me to learn. I know another time might come when I may want to quit again but learning new things and watching masters keeps me inspired now. Thanks for the vid. Its a very real thing.

Thank you for forcing me to ask myself why I love my job so much, and I have an answer now. This video has been incredibly valuable.

Your mum would be proud. I really like your channel. Keep sharing the good content.

Thanks for sharing, and well spoken; constraints that are put upon us is usually good for art (but often not for the artist), but constraints we put on ourselves is how we grow as people. And changing yourself as you discover that who you were in the past don't match what you are now, is seriously hard and dangerous work, there's so much mental strength needed for it. I'm a composer and musician who never made it, and work in a more regular non-artsy job, always living on the edge of regret that possibly is the source of my current "around 50" depression and struggles. I guess it can go both ways. What I love about composing is very simple; I can create something out of nothing, I can stir emotion or images, explore inner landscapes, and - in a weird way - it's the pure non-utility of that, the absolute subjective quantifier, that is so exciting. But of course, that goes straight into the discussion around being an artist putting out what you want to create vs. composer for hire (or even compromising being in a band or similar). And finally, I loved how the love and respect for your mum shines through, those life lessons and moments are so fragile but oh so important. Also, loved your mum in Sherlock!

13:49 PEDAL! (It’s going to take a while to not subconsciously look for that think I think.) So many great truths and lessons in this video, and much appreciated for sharing! Something in particular occurred to me when you talked about your Mom’s priority on feeling - ‘how does it make you feel?’ It reminded me of that Maya Angelou quote: “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Could it be this is really why some music endures while other music doesn’t? Because of how it made you feel? I’d say it probably needs to be well-crafted, of course, but if it doesn’t make you feel SOMEthing, it probably won’t be memorable. Truly meaningful video and tribute. Thanks

What? Ms. Hudson was mum of Christian? My mind is blown! ...talent flows in that family for sure. ❤

We loved watching Mrs. Hudson on Sherlock. My daughters watched the whole series twice and we will always remember her.

Amazing insight! Thank you. And not once did you mention the (unfortunately, now clichéd) word passion... and yet you exude it with every word you utter.

I'm 48 and just heading in the direction of composition / sound design. And Im doing this as I adapt to losing eyesight from a genetic condition. I guess I should not say just starting out...its more a "restart". I have tried a few attempts at this path and have had to modify my approach. To your point, or better said, your mother's point, I'm persevering and not giving up because my sight is reduced. I love the ability to express myself and create sounds that embody a feeling. The thing is, I get bored with one sound and desire a palette or orchestra of sounds to create. So, a shed full of hardware was too much for my eyes. So, Im moving on and focusing, pun intended, on creation, sampling and manipulation of sound on my computer. Im not going to let a limitation stifle my love of creation and expression.

Thank you so very much, Christian!

This level of honesty is so refreshing from you Christian this video is probably one of the most important you could choose to share with your many subscribers . This really resonated with me and it is so true that the reasons for loving or even hating at times what you do changes over time indeed there are no absolutes . For me the love of making music is the primary driver in continuing to do it , the other motivators change all the time according to your life circumstances ,health and of course the people around you. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings about this it was a bloody good watch and listen..

I recognise many of your ‘pillars’. I’m not sure whether you have had this at any stage too, but I think a dominant part of my psyche that has made me successful is competitiveness. However, I don’t think it’s a particularly good trait to have, and is probably largely responsible for the huge number of hours I work each week, and the feeling that I’ve never quite ‘won’. I hope (perhaps when I’m a bit older) that I lose some of my competitiveness at some stage, or at least make it less of a driving force for me because although it’s allowed me to progress far and relatively fast (I’m a lawyer), I think the cost will end up being too high in the final reckoning.

So interesting to hear about your journey to where you are now. I totally agree about perseverance, hard work and conscientiousness. I can’t speak for anyone else so won’t, but for me, hard work is an engine that really needs the fuel of inspiration. Without any of that, I tend to slow dramatically. And I have to say, since discovering your channel over lockdown and using my pennies to grab a copy of BBCSO, you and your amazing team at Spitfire have helped me in the inspiration department enormously. Thank you 🙏

Generally my favourite moment about writing music is listening to something I wrote 6 months ago and being able to be proud of it. There's always a lot of self doubt and questioning that goes into my music making but looking back and seeing the good in what I've done keeps me going!

Beautifully said Christian !!

I'm just a punter that likes listening to Christian talk anyway, that last few moments of this vlog... never thanked your mum... resonates with me so hard my dad passed away very unexpectedly back in the late 90's, I was in my late thirties... I was working in Luton (I live in Warrington)... I was going to give my parents the usual Thursday night call from my digs but didn't bother because I knew I would be seeing them over the weekend, except, I didn't and I regretted not making that call for years to come, and still do now so, yeah, sorry about that but, like I said, it resonates with me so much, and my thoughts return to my own parents at the time when I heard that your own mum had passed okay, I'll shut up now :-(

"Serendipity favors the prepared mind" 7:55

Thank you so much for your videos. I am not a composer, but the points you addressed here and your 100 Tips video really resonate with where I am at in life. Best wishes to you on your journey!

I had no idea your mother was Una Stubbs! How did I not know this - Amazing actor!

Christian this was heartbreaking, beautiful and so thoughtful. What a great way to say thanks to your wonderful mum yet I'm sure you will already know without doubt that she would have been so proud of your achievements. You come from a family of stars and with these blogs you share the magic of composition on such a passionate level and provide joy to all of your viewers Just like your mum did through screen and stage. Thank you.

Christian, You're a gentleman and a scholar, and someone with such a big heart. Your Mum was an inspiration to many; a talented actress and wonderful person. She's dearly missed, and was a legend in showbiz for our family for decades. We're lucky to have you to continue to inspire us with your creativity, passion and positivity, just the way your Mum always did.

"You don't compose because you want to - You compose because you have to" - Elizabeth Lutyens (Film Composer - among other things !)

Probably your best monologue to date Christian. I was fortunate that with my brothers we thanked our Mum and Dad at their Golden Wedding Anniversary for all that they did for us. What I like about composing is I don't have the pressure of doing it for a living - it is my main retirement hobby. In my working life (RAF/Commercial Pilot) I achieved my boyhood dream through self discipline, perseverance and hard work, As someone who had little natural talent for flying I couldn't have achieved my dream without those attributes so I fully agree with you. And a thumbs up for all the Mum's (and Dad's) of this wonderful world.

I LOVE SO SO MANY THINGS ABOUT COMPOSING. I love hearing my mind arguing with me, musically. “Nah… not that! This!” Thanks mind! I love that I was kinda lucky … I started composing immediately as a soundtrack composer - particularly for theatre projects at art school. Looking back I realise that I never considered that I had never composed before. I just leapt in - not knowing that I COULD do it, but rather not knowing that I couldn’t. So I love composing for coming to me open-armed and kindly. And so I composed this music for theatre and on one ambitious project wrote two violin parts - and that just blew my mind, hearing my music come alive - since two talented violinists were drafted in to play those parts and wow… I think I loved composing because I tasted ecstasy -literally… ex stasis. . Out of my tiny mind, and heretofore tiny life, as a boy from a tiny village surrounded by people with naysayer tiny world views. Composing seemed to be a reality. So I guess back then I just kinda loved it like ducks kinda love a pond or lake or gentle river, and all that duckness-ness about being a duck, plus you can kinda fly a bit as a duck, and old ladies and weathered men throw stale and mouldy bread at you which when wet is quite a treat. And then when I left art school, I went insane, and discovered that the Nat West Bank gave huge loans and overdrafts to borderline psychotics. And so I built a studio and pretty soon just slipped into writing music for a documentary, a dance piece, a professional theatre um… play, a corporate video, a movie trailer, and a cinema commercial …and then went bankrupt. Apart from the bankruptcy, I loved seeing images coming to life when I put music to them… I loved how my instincts and intuition about film and editing and all that stuff I was writing around seemed to be spot on… because THAT… the movie storytelling was what I really cared about. Oh… I forgot to say… I didn’t want to be a composer… I wanted to direct movies or megalomaniacal performance art opera pieces… It’s just that I figured being a soundtrack composer was the only way I could get anywhere close to having a “proper job” and thereby please my father… Oh… and I loved composing music… songs, experimental orchestral and electronic stuff 20 hours a day (which for me were 28 hours long). So then I went away to acting and directing school, and learnt screenwriting and abandoned music completely for thirty years. I became a script consultant, I worked for government film bodies, I ran a film school, I became a script writer, I became very depressed, I lost every job I could hope to get, and maybe 4 or 6 years ago became a homeless person living on the streets, eventually ending up in a half way house for homeless people, then ended up living in a boarding house full of ex-crims , petty crims, drug addicts, old divorcees, a poet, a couple of students and some complete FUCKING nutters who loved annoying me by taking about flat earth conspiracies. While there living in my 9 feet square room, with shared bathroom and kitchen either side of me, I lay in bed still depressed, completely paralysed, watching RU-vid on an old iPad and discovered Mr Henson’s channel, and through that deeply engaging process, started to watch a few more music creating channels, and then… three years passed, I got Covid, finally managed to lift the depression a bit - enough to discover that I have type 1 bipolar hiding underneath, adding to my ADD I only discovered I had a decade ago… and then decided fuck it…. I’m going to return to composing. And since here in Australia (I moved here 25 years ago after living in Paris for 4 years, London for 9, and the rest in Essex from zero years old to 19) … COVID and lockdown led the government to allow us to withdraw huge-ish chunks of our superannuation funds, and therefore I could once again buy music equipment and start composing again. So what I love about composing now is: it’s always been part of me even when I used. to muck around on the piano when I was six, and learnt organ at 12, and built a synthesizer at 16… And I love music for making me sane and making me happy, and for being a part of my creative being, because my nonneuroqtypical mind and its mercurial ups and downs kinda suit being creative and music and composing allows me to make finished works quickly (compared story writing). love composition for its ongoing adventure, I love composing because I have mysteriously gotten significantly better at it while not doing it for thirty years. I love it because I’m bored of music so I can -- through composition try to make the music that the last thousand or so years has generally failed to deliver… I’m taking shit now, but the point is that I starve for NEW music, crossing new boundaries, listening to or making the music of the 2030s and 2040s, so composing allows me to strive to seek that. And I love the dreams and the possibilities that top shelf sample libraries (Spitfire) and modular synthesis (things which didn’t exist when I was composing in my 20s) now have the the the I don’t know… technological transcendence to supply which leads me to love composing because I think it’ll get me to heaven. Or somewhere somewhat like it. The transcendent. The exquisitely sublime. At least my sublime - deluded, insane or otherwise. And here within my world.

Also the best advice is keep your head down and when you get pages of changes, breath and know most of them are minor and not about you personally.

Wow! Although not in the media composition field , my musical journey/work and ambitions followed a similar course. Alas, boredom set in. How the heck can you get bored with music!!!? Well, as we know, it can happen for various reasons. I didn't see the signs until too late and ended up taking a rather long break 😢 Back now 😀 and I know how to avoid it. Your Mum sounds absolutely awesome!

For me this is the singlemost powerful and practically useful video of every one you've done since beginning the channel.I loved hearing about the way your mum became such a huge influence on you and the world really.Her legacy reaches on in your work as you reach all of us,

beautiful thanks for sharing Christian

Thank you so much for sharing these thoughts. You echoed our family motto: ‘You’ve got to work hard to be lucky’. 🙂 As a fan of this channel and of the amazing things you do at Spitfire and with Pianobook, I was very chuffed to hear that the BBC micro was part of your formative years. I was a big part of the original design team for that computer, and it is always humbling to realise how much talent our work helped to kick start.

Christian, you are a treasure. I needed this video a lot right now. My mom wasn’t “successful” in the sense that yours was, but she instilled the same things in me. She expected me to grow and be unashamedly myself, and do it through the arts - something she’d not been able to do, because her mother held her back as a child. I went the long way ‘round, teaching and performing for many years, but always coupling that with band music arrangement. I have only recently come to composition. It is like I’ve started over in the best possible way. As it happens, I feel like it’s something I am good at - and having those chops at arrangement and orchestration help so much! What I love is the knowledge that I can mold the clay that is my DAW or notation software into something that may elicit a feeling in another human. I’ve always had some degree of that with band performances, but the spirit of that was different…typically, the applause was for the students. Rightly so! But I never knew to what degree I was being successful in my own right as a musician. Now, I’m starting to learn. Thank you so much for being part of that journey through this vlog and through Spitfire.

Congrats on getting 100K+ subscribers Mr H.

What a wonderful reminisce

100% agree... thanks for reminding

A lovely tribute to your mum - as was your contribution to BBC's Radio 4 Last Word. She will have been very proud of what you have achieved but, perhaps most of all, your ability to communicate to people in such a generous, enthusiastic and often amusing way.

One of the main things that's always attracted me to this channel is your unvarnished honesty Christian. You've shared every aspect of your composer journey with us - good and bad times, positive and negative experiences. It's always humbling. (Your mother must've been immensely proud of your achievements and she would know what she meant to you)

And there was me thinking you were going to announce that your secret desire had been to be a lion tamer.

I think for me one of the most appealing things about composing is that I get to learn a craft inside and out. There is something really satisfying about getting really good at one particular craft. But, composition is so diverse and ever changing that I will always be learning. I have also found that whenever I have to work 18 hour days it is usually because I didn't do enough prep work or plan enough. So, that is a huge part of this job that I am constantly trying to learn. Also, I genuinely believe film/TV music is one of the most diverse genres in the world. We get to write for a staggering diversity of instruments, styles, genres, etc every day!

this is wonderful. thank you. Every year around this time I get the yearly equivalent of the "Mid Afternoon Slump" and consider throwing it all in and doing something else. It's not the if (i do how will I make money) it's the what (will I do if this thing I already do and used to/should love doesn't fulfill me anymore) that stops me. Videos like this and the comment section below make me feel like I'm not alone and help with the thought process! Being alone in a studio all day takes a toll on your inner monologue!

Excellent and honest video. Thank you!

This is brilliant. Thank you for sharing.

Adored watching this. Thank you.

Between your description of your mum and your wife's advice it sounds like you've had some amazing woman in your life Christian. As for composing: There's nothing like the thrill of writing something to picture that really hits home, even with the little films I've done. I'm not sure I'd ever be cut out as an insanely busy jobbing composer knocking out endless stuff.

I think you could apply this to all creative professions - as soon a passion becomes your livelihood then you have to make all sorts of compromises at some point and bow down to commercial pressures (managers and clients). You either accept that or become very miserable fighting it

Probably at this Moment your channel is the reference 4 me to change life

Hi Christian - suspect your Mum was pretty proud of your gifts - especially communicating musically, verbally and the way you share what’s important to you (and us!). Thanks to both of you. D

This is, for me, one of your most inspiring videos, Christian. Not only that, but some of the comments from other composers and aspiring composers are equally inspiring. Amazing. I think you're a brilliant composer, but your greatest gift to composing might just be these videos. How many truly great pieces of music will be written because of your support, encouragement, and inspiration? I'm an absolute nobody in composing, but engaging with this incredible community that you've helped create keeps the fire burning. Every time I hear one of your little talks, I feel like dropping whatever nonsense I'm doing and diving back into my truest, longest held passion: simply making music. Thanks, my friend. 💙

Thank you for sharing, Christian. I am truly sorry for your loss. To answer your question: I love that being a composer for film and theater brings different enviroments and workflow for every new project. In order to work I must adapt and grow and learn and change. What I don't like is the lonely aspect of it at times, when scoring to picture. And the battle of ego, quotas and ratings can be exhausting as well. And of course there is the curious world of royalties, labels and distribution, but we've been there already, haven't we..? Kind regards and best of luck for the future!

this one is a gem. thank you for a great video christian

What I now understand about composing is spending weeks finding those five or six notes that become a theme representing a noun, and as that noun changes, the music changes into different forms of these five or six notes (love, horror, action, etc.) It's is my version of a rubric cube, which leads to my madness at times, which takes me on a journey, which results in my joy of being a composer. I'm still new to this orchestral music, and my curiosity has propelled me to learn different techniques and writing styles; maybe that one day comes when my hard work and opportunities result in a placement for a motion picture, that results in me standing among others in my profession, saying; thank you to the Academy, but this all started with my mom at an early age purchasing everything I needed to start making music because I took an interest in it. Thank you, Mom!

Even without nothing her, we could immediately say your mom was awesome! Thank you Christian for reminding her to notice the ones who care about us and help us along the way!

Christian you made a huge impact on me, not as a composer, but because you were recording (with Dave) pouring water from one bucket into another bucket, at various points all around the room. It was like I was hearing a recording of something new for the very first time. And you should do more of that exploratory kind of music with Dave, and possibly do more of your piano sampling that way. I love the story of how your Mom influenced your music. Great video!

And I must say, Christian, your emotion-driven approach to writing is so evident in everything you do. Even your demos for the Spitfire products can be just breathtakingly beautiful, and there are a number of them that I’ll just pop onto the site to listen to from time to time. And while I’m by no means a well-known or superbly successful composer, I’d still like to answer your question: What I love most about composing is act of creation. I may not have experienced some of the highs you described, but there’s something absolutely incredible about being able to take this bit of music that lives inside your head-something NO ONE else has ever heard before-and bring it into this world for others to be able to enjoy and explore and experience. I hope one day I’ll be able to touch others’ lives like you have, but until then, there is still so much joy to be had in bringing music into the world that *I* want to hear and share. Thanks, as always, for sharing your perspective, and so sorry again about your mother. My heart goes out to you and your family.

If it's not too forward, I think you thanked your mother by not giving up. Thank you for sharing you're experience again. Very useful. I've had very little success, but the small success I have had I can say it came from hard work. It's so important, constantly working on your craft. But I have experienced as i'm sure many here have the, "why am I bothering" moment.

What a really lovely video makes you think many thanks

Cheers to your Mum Mate! My harmony 4 teacher at Berklee said on day 1 “I will teach you every rule and all the intricacies of Music and then I want you to forget every word and go Play Music”. It took me 16 years for my “ah ha” plateau moment where thinking was consumed by an unconscious flurry of an improvised solo and became nothing other than controlling my breathe. Hard work and tenacity gets this prize. Huge fan for a very long time! You are an inspiration!

This one made me rather emotional. I first want to say that I will always remember your mom, Christian as a superb and a very unique actress and how lucky we all are that she gave you all these beautiful things that made you into this person that you are today. Thanks to your mom and to you for inspiration.

Thank you Christian. Amazing talk. Thank you for sharing deep, profound, personal, real things. Thank you for being vulnerable, bold, human. It helps us all! Do I like being a composer? You bet. For many years I yearned so hard to be able to express myself through music it burned. I never could until I tried. Ten years in I suddenly realised I never tire of listening to my own music - one reason: it is authentic, profound self-expression. That is what composing is for me, always, and why I love it - a real way to express the unspeakable, from depths unfathomable. The immortal words of Don McLean come to mind: "But I'm all tied up on the inside. And no one knows quite what I've got". Your humanness enriches us all - thank you!

Christian, My wife and I love your parents on the Silver Screen. Your Mom made Sherlock for us. Being a parent myself of an adult now, you find moments when the word "Thank you" or "I love you" doesn't need to be said. Its a hold of your arm, a look, a glance. Im sure your Mom knows what you're thinking. She probably always did. You're a real "Mench"

Your mother was correct in my estimation so if you not feeling it..loving it.working hard at your art and surrounded by supportive people who in turn you support then it’s destined to be a shit storm.. you are okay and so am I and we as a community. 🙏🙏🏿🦄

I really enjoyed that Christian and it is a wonderful thing that you've been able to come all the way round to doing just what it is you love to do. May we all have the emotional intelligence to embrace our preparation when opportunity comes to call.

Interestingly, one of the things I enjoy watching you do the most is for you to hit the keyboard on some new sample you've gotten, and to just 'melt' away in your enjoyment of it. And I think it's a fairly good example of what I like about composing and music in general: Either the musician, or the listener, utterly endulging in something they love. Regardless of why they love it, or what it is. It's just infectious as hell to watch people do stuff they love doing. And if I can be a part of that by creating a piece of music that's somebody's 'thing', I'm happy. Beyond that, I'm very much a person who loves to wonder about what is possible. That's what's gotten me into modular, all the possibilities I see that nobody else seems to be doing...

Good reflections. Emotionally intelligent

Excellent. Thanks for that!

Love ya Christian. Thanks so much for helping everyone. You are an amazing individual and your Mom would be proud. 😊❤️

👍 for Una! What a pioneer for getting life done your way! I’d like to thank my family for having a piano in their house and for one being left to me in a will. I sadly don’t have this piano anymore - but intriguingly it did resemble the one dropped from a great height. Anyhow, I love the ability to just sit down and play - not at a piano, but at a keyboard with a world of sounds at my fingers. I’ve always lost myself in playing and experimenting. In terms of my experience, I started YT to push through the repetitive mundanity of daily life, where I stopped writing music. I found that my recording videos that were just a step ahead or sharing a discovery, experience, or new composer, I found joy in that. I found skills in the process I’d never trained for, have gained confidence and been empowered in. I now edit for myself and others, advise and support new generations and now, I can sit down and write more to get better. Lordy knows I am 10 years behind, but not to do is not to know, so I’m here for the mistakes and bumbling through them. I now ensure I sit and write when I can to remind myself I once did this daily, have many cassette tapes of tinny midi creations that I might resurrect one day! Here’s to the unique kids and the non-conformity in life and in art. I’m still seeing the Shallow Water pedal in your videos, like some sort of Fight Club flashback. 🤣