They are so preoccupied with spinning their lies, who to manipulate next and patching up their facades. It is hard to imagine cramming anything else into that busy schedule! Stay Healthy!
I know what you mean. My covert narc ex-husband I could tell would be scheming all the time or more like any chance he got. They do put in the time to think of ways to deceive the ones closest to them.
@@ND-or5soexactly scheming non stop. They tell on themselves. I had an aunt say under her breath "I've already given more than I usually do" who ended up being an utter nightmare as I got to know her. Resistance to her be is what the problem for her scheming was
narcissists for the most part actually know what they are doing, because they will wear many different faces to suit the situation at hand, the best way that benefits them. the thing is, while they know what they are doing, they don't care about the impact their toxic behavior has on other people.
Which is why they are truly miserable people. They cannot mentally accept their own BS, being nice to this person and cruel to another... the perfect recipe for misery.
I don’t think they are always aware of what they are doing, or if they are aware they are being manipulative, they feel they just can’t help themselves. I’m not excusing the behavior, just saying this is how they think. Much of their manipulation comes from self protection. Underneath the surface, narcissists are very insecure people who talk themselves up in order to cope with their insecurity. They are delusional and lying to themselves. They are manipulating themselves just as much as they are manipulating others. Narcissists are some of the least self aware people you will ever meet in your life. They don’t have the ability to see their behavior for what it is and will say and do anything they can to not see themselves for who they are because if they did, they would hate what they see and have a complete meltdown. This is where the term narcissistic rage comes from. It’s when someone says or does the right thing to trigger an insecurity or make a narcissist feel like they aren’t in control. When that happens, they become emotionally unstable.
It’s because they are very entitled and need validation from others. When someone sets boundaries, they feel that person is not serving them the way they are supposed to. They have an inflated sense of self and believe the world should cater to them, so they see boundaries as disrespect. I’ve known 2 people in my life who I believe were narcissists (although they’ve never been diagnosed, so that is just my opinion) and both these people believed I was being selfish and disrespectful if I set any boundaries. If you are kind to them or do anything nice to them, they completely take it for granted because they believe they were entitled to it in the first place.
You'd need to do it on the sly because telling a narcissist they're wrong, or that they may need to ponder their actions, will be met with anger, criticism, paranoia, and ambivalence. I get stressed out just thinking about it.
Oh, I could be myself, but our marriage only lasted a few months... I had never heard of narcissism and I wasn't trying to diagnose him. I couldn't understand why he wouldn't act like a normal human being, when he did that the whole time he was courting me and for a while after we were married. Narcissism is a weird, evil thing, destructive to all. It may seem like a narcissist is getting off scot-free, but I assure you that it's not possible. Evil is always destructive, and I believe the person embracing it is blinded. I believe it's demonic. Evil has no other purpose but to steal, kill and destroy. You can't counsel it to become good, and your crying and begging does not change anything. Honestly, rejoice that you made it out alive, and thank God.
I'd always been myself, but the narcissist didn't see it or didn't want to see & then accused me of "changing" once I caught on to the abuse & started setting boundaries.
They are too much trouble. Difficult & uncooperative makes them exhausting. I gave decades of leeway only to repeat the cycle of frustration they impose & crave for others. Get RID OF THE narcissist in your life. You won't regret it.
He once took a psych course so he could talk about Münchausen syndrome but had zero insight into his behavior. Another time he went to a therapist for ED counseling & she told him that he didn’t have much respect for women 🤦♀️ which caused a narcissistic injury that led to rage in a restaurant as well as on the drive home… In the end he wondered why his family wanted nothing to do with him 👩
This is so true. Narcs are the least self aware people you will ever meet in your life. They can complain about someone else’s behavior all day long while simultaneously doing the exact same thing. My mother is a narcissist and I have never known another person to have such little self awareness. She would talk about how awful and cowardly my father was for being a pushover with other people but then being abusive to his wife and kids. But ironically, my mother was a coward and pushover with my father but then abused her kids. She also lacked self awareness when it came to her own emotions. She would yell at you and look extremely angry, then when you point it out say she wasn’t yelling and wasn’t angry. I’m sorry what? 😂 I know what yelling looks like and I know what anger looks like. Many would say it was gaslighting but I think there were times when she genuinely didn’t see herself for how she was acting and wasn’t aware she was yelling or getting angry.
@@jessicablack9960 🤯 oh my gosh! Sudden a-ha moment…!! He will get loud, complain about neighbors, their dogs, the people at work… and then says he is not an angry person!! 😟🙈 true lack of self awareness!! I never thought of it that way!!! Thank you for your comment!!! P.s. my mom did the EXACT same thing!!! Still does at 81!!! And my family is angry that in don’t want to be around her any more. (She has a very beautiful classy exterior ambience that tricks everyone)
@@jacquelinegrace3 I’m glad I gave you an aha moment lol. It took me awhile before I had this aha moment with my own mother, and this one time I told her “I don’t think you see yourself the way other people do or have any idea how you come off to other people.” She didn’t like me saying that to her of course. I can relate to the exterior ambience that tricks everyone lol. I’ve definitely seen my mother flip like a switch where she’d be really nice to people we just met. It was actually kind of satisfying one time I had a friend over, and my mom didn’t notice she was there. She came into the house and immediately started screaming about the dishes. And my mother knows how to yell lol. Anyway, my friend looked at me shocked and I was just like “yep. I wasn’t lying about my mom.” It was kind of embarrassing but kind of satisfying at the same time because I finally had a friend come over where they saw the way my mom was instead of thinking I was crazy when I’d talk about her.
@@jessicablack9960I can't tell you how many things were running through my mind when my girlfriend told me she was married to a narcissist for 32 years. Her next words were "be careful". All I could think about is finally, someone who will believe me, someone who understands!
Great reminder Dr. Carter!! We can be wise and kind in our reactions/responses… (as we execute the plan to leave.) No sense in further damaging an already tortured soul. ❤ Thank you
Since the person who is very good at math or the arts can’t hurt me but my older brother who has caused a continuous course of immeasurable pain to our family due to his ‘beyond the pale’ narcissism and a severe level of lack of insight, I see a more apt comparison to a type of insect that if you encroach on its environment, and it lands on you, it must bite.
Probably but only for a millisecond. I call it the pin prick realization. They get these brief glimpses of what they really are like and how they treat others, but it never sticks.
It can’t. If they allowed selves too Insight? They’d absolutely Collapse. They’d need a padded room forever if the looked at selves. The guilt would absolutely kill them
Thank you for clarifying this on some narcissis trying to make allowances not easy if one is not well and the narcissist as usual needs all the support attention controller and be the Center Of attention to be ttruthful it’s annoying as hell just not up to this kind of behavior at this time
Such great encouragement. Talking to mom raises my blood pressure. I need to remember these wise words & respond as a caring adult. prayers for patience.
I appreciate the valid lesson here. They usually aren't capable of genuine empathy (no matter what you explain to them). But they are capable of certain insights. Their sight (and insight) is through a lense in which the world view is they are the grand center of the universe. And you are not really as relevant especially to the degree you are not aligned with that. Anything you think, feel, say, do, or have outside of that lense or world view will seem wrong or irrelevant or non-existent to them. Their insights will reflect all of that.
Narcissist use the silent treatment. They don't hear words because of that. They use intimidation and manipulation as a form of control. God help them. T ❤
My covert narcissist ex is in graduate school to become a therapist. But I already waited 25 years for her to learn the skills of being a decent human to me and I’m done.
here’s a bit of a different spin on this concept: i was shocked when my intelligent narc didn’t “get” the psychological Hitchcock thriller we were watching. he said “what is THIS?”, as if it were a movie from the planet Mars. my mind was blown.
I recall trying to work with one sneaky snake who wouldn't share any particular work related knowledge with me. I would always have to assert myself just to get a straight answer from him or ask one simple question at a time. But he would always respond with, "Do what?" (Just to have me repeat myself). So I started responding to do what with, "..(Do) what needs to be done' (As if he didn't know what to do).
We used to say way back.. that someone was mechanicaly dislexic.. lol as a joke for bad workers.. some seem to be.. but id say a narc ect.. is caring dyslexic
I remember when i ask my ex NARC can i use his shaver when I was at his house,he said what you going to shave i said my chin,he said to me you might be turning into a man,i looked at him and said no its my harmones im 55 ,i said remember when grandmas back in the day use to use twizzers to puck thete chin hairs ,he said yes i said same thing ,he didn't say nothing else,but with. NARC they will turn whatwver you say into something negative,Single life is Beautiful ❤
Thank you! I know the effect that my mom's narcissism has on me, but I really want to understand what she is feeling and experiencing under narcissism.
If I'm married to a narcissist, I must leave him. Right? I don't want to take his crazy-making. After my daughter died (his step"daughter" that he treated like crap, yet he took three weeks off work after she died), his dark side was amplified. I wanted a PRIVATE viewing with only her siblings, the fake spouse, and me. He invited HIS family after I told him we weren't inviting anyone. He invited 10 of his family members behind my back. I told him to tell them NOT to come. Then he got enraged and told me, "When my sister dies, YOU aren't invited to her funeral!" Is that normal? Also, he told me if I didn't spend the life insurance payout how he tells me to spend it, he will tell the insurance company to CANCEL the payout. Is that normal?
My narcissist told her mom, she forgives me. Bless her heart. I went no contact and shes planning on visiting. Im looking forward to a public exposure if warranted but will probably just cold cut and enjoy being immune.
I have been watching your videos for a few years now and I wish you were around on RU-vid back in 1999. It has come to my attention that my ex wife is most likely a covert narcissist. Insight is one trait she does not have. She can’t reflect. She blames others constantly. She thinks people are talking poorly about her which is a sign of paranoia. The list goes on and I gave her 4 years more to reconcile after a divorce that I never wanted nor did I honestly deserve. Yet it happened anyways. I don’t understand why she won’t work with me ever to get over the destructive behaviors she has caused. Why would you not want to help someone heal.
My ex in the moment meltdown like a child, but leaving her alone two or three days she would think through it with the insight I gave her and come back out with some reasonable explanation, but the problem was if we went back to address the underlying issue she would say we have it we can't live in the past. We need to MoveOn and I would simply point out Luke Human feelings or not intended she just sweet something under the rug. If something bothers a person it's a lot different to bring that up and punishing somebody for something that happened in the past and I said thinking people will analyze circumstances and can't project out if these events are going to happen in the future, and until those are resolved so she had a very interesting, very confusing ability for intellectual empathy. Once she was away from the initial debate, but never in the moment it literally she had a very high level thinking process when she wasn't trigger trigger, and she started acting like a fourth grader.
What’s the difference between a person with narcissism disorder and the inability to socially function as a person with autism. Should that be ruled out first?
The leader at my previous job looks kind but lacks insights. He is poor at analytical thinking and problem-solving. After I noticed that, I became cautious about him. Finally, he messed up the project. I declined to renew the contract as soon as he gaslighted me. 🏃💨💨
Narcissists gifted in totally messing up and failing their relationships. Best talent ever for a hermit but on the other hand they dyin in a hermit mode 😂
My husband could observe some situations and appear to have insight, but it was part of his mask ti appear to be empathetic. He actually didn’t have a true grasp of the words he was saying
I am just speculating here: I bet this is a huge part of what causes narcissism. Everyone responds to trauma differently. People who are very insightful are probably less likely to become narcissistic when they go through trauma. They will probably have other issues, but not develop NPD. Narcissists are extremely close minded to ideas and lack self awareness. Someone who is very open minded could probably go through the same trauma but wind up with a different personality.
They can create a veneer. Listen to the lyrics by a certain ultra-popular female pop diva. It's all about her but the insights are shallow and the blame is always on someone else.
I really need an answer I believe EVERYTHING that you say about A NARSACIST BC I am divorced from one he took my child from me 😢 and I am trying to get my child back it’s almost impossible bc he spins everything and continues to do so. How in the world do I fight back it just seems impossible PLEASE HELP 😢❤
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ SO PEOPLE CAN BE TRAINED TO BE A NARCISSIST? I NOW SEE MORE!! PUTTING THE PIECES TOGETHER!! WOW!! YOU KEEP SAYING TRAINED!! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
They are wired differently. Only God can rewire. Don't walk deeply into their cold war unless you walk with God of Haven. Don't cast pearls to swine, lest they render you below their shell, where the claws are. The fowlers net is cast in people, places and things. Go on a deep dive about discernment comprehension before moving in any direction without the known spirit to guide you. To your health !
Not worth the energy to an energy sucking zombie if it is actually one. A nice underdeveloped human for whatever the reason i have patience for if i have the time
Where I live has mostly alot of black people and I knew some of them and they also know me but all of a sudden things change they have been rude and would be bullies with my brother we are nor rascist we get along with every one but these 3black ladies would harass my brother when has done nothing wrong we reported them to the property manager but nothing has been done about them]
I have been watching your videos for a few years now and I wish you were around on RU-vid back in 1999. It has come to my attention that my ex wife is most likely a covert narcissist. Insight is one trait she does not have. She can’t reflect. She blames others constantly. She thinks people are talking poorly about her which is a sign of paranoia. The list goes on and I gave her 4 years more to reconcile after a divorce that I never wanted nor did I honestly deserve. Yet it happened anyways. I don’t understand why she won’t work with me ever to get over the destructive behaviors she has caused. Why would you not want to help someone heal.
