I do the same thing with women that I do with men if they have a strength disadvantage. I consciously dial back my strength so that it feels like technique vs technique. People always thank me for it and say that rolling with me is "fun" Honestly, knowing how to match strength is a skill that we should all have by purple belt.
Agreed every time I submit (not often) I always ask if they’re “good” and if I didn’t it at a right speed. I’m very worried of injuring my training partner.
@@zampy8706 You should try not to be so "worried", but rather keep focused and "be in the position", and be able to maintain more consistent breathing during the roll/live training. This can help give you a bit more time for technical refining, and you to quicker realize where you are (body position vs your partner) that should eventually help improve some transitions.
As a woman in my gym with only guys, i have noticed that the coddling applies to everyone. If its a bigger guy against a smaller guy the bigger guy checks in with him and goes gentler just like he would with me. Its really not a gender thing but a size/strength thing
Spot on. If you are much bigger and you can muscle your way to a kimura on a smaller opponent rather than using smooth technique it is not beneficial to either person.
@@Max-ki6df it's cos new guys don't know what tf they're doing. There's a new guy at my gym that I limit rolling with cos he hurt me twice the first time I was rolling with him. It happens to everyone
I as a 6'3 250 pounder with wrestling/judo experience who coddles everyone who benefits from it. I also get coddle by black belts . It's the coddle of life.
Learning to vary intensity based on your partner's size, experience and disposition is such an important unspoken juijitsu skill. Makes you such a great person to train with.
I match my training partner. If they are going slow i go slow, if they are going hard ill go hard. But always look after your training partner no matter what.
@Brickswol haha. You can kind of compare it to dancing. Someone's always taking the lead whether that's you or the other person. It's not a hard rule either but def something I do most of the time.
As a female who has been training a couple of years, I'm so grateful for the rolls where I'm massively outsized or outclassed and those people are careful not to fall on me or tweak my body. I have the best rolls with a blue belt guy at my gym who easily outweighs me by 75lbs. He answers my technique with technique rather than just brute forcing things. He has fun too, and we both get a lot out of it. That doesn't mean they're just "coddling" me or making it easy. People get to use me (I'm a blue belt, about 130lbs) to experiment with techniques, too so I know that we both get something out of it. I will say, though, I think there's a different type of coddling that happens, so I want to comment on that. When I get around a bunch of women on at an open mat, I've noticed that sometimes it just turns into social hour with all the women chit chatting on the mat rather than training. I've also noticed that we highly praise women for just getting into the sport (which is great, don't get me wrong--I think everyone should give it a good ol fashioned try) but we fail to ever elevate our expectations when we should. I've seen women leave because they never make the jump to the more difficult class, because they refuse to roll or they refuse to progress in some other way and they just stagnate and fall off. All that to say I could see how that quote could be relevant to what I've seen. Is it hard to be a female coming into this? Yes. We're socialized to do the opposite of so many things that are required to play Jiu Jitsu well. I make it my goal to support women in this sport, and to encourage them not to settle. We each come into this as we are, it's a shame to see people (men or women) ignore the opportunity to grow by taking on challenges.
Well said, Chewie. There's a principle I go by when dealing with women in and out of training, which is "just be fucking normal." This advanced social skill is somehow weirdly difficult for many people to follow. You train with people at the intensity appropriate to their size, skill set, and disposition. We have ladies at my gym who are quite timid, and we also have a purple belt who I go almost 100% with even though I've got about 50 lbs on her, because she's super fast and has a killer guard. Some women have experiences that make physical contact difficult, and others are just as scrappy as anyone else. Respect everyone's needs and just be fucking normal.
Some people just don't want to learn self control. I am careful with all my training partners no matter their size. It translates back to me that they also don't roll with me recklessly. A young lady I roll with actually stopped rolling and cradled my head to protect me from another group rolling next to us. When you roll there is a time to go full force but in general we don't need to thrash and throw down full force every time. There needs to be an element of play and care so skill can mature.
Thanks Chewjitsu great video! My experience as a female Bjj practitioner for anyone curious: Vast majority of men I’ve trained or rolled with have been very respectful and helpful. Big guys don’t always know or understand their own strength bc they aren’t on the receiving end but ive never confused that with someone trying to hurt me. I’ve only experienced that with one male and I’m chalking that up to statistics (you’re bound to encounter that behavior in the distribution of all possible behaviors and humans, not taking it personally). For big or small but really strong, just pretend the female your rolling with is like a teenage boy, it’s roughly equivalent to rolling with a woman. Don’t do things strenghtwise to her that you wouldn’t do to a teenage kid. Also, I appreciate rolling with men bc I’m trying to desensitize my nervous system to what it feels like to be in a combative situation with a male should it ever happen to me in real life. This way i know what a physical ‘fight’ might be like with a male even if it’s a simulated environment. Recently I competed for the first time and i got my butt kicked by a woman that told me at her gym there are no women and she rolls just with guys. She absolutely trounced me and was very strong and determined. Many factors at play but i believe it helped her by having trained only with men. Men are tougher bc of the strength differential. It helps a physically weaker opponent to train with a stronger one for that reason. I find the women, when they roll only with each other are too nice, easy with each other. If their goal is to have a social experience at bjj then that’s fun for them, but for learning how to fight for self defense purposes rolling only with women is detrimental for a woman. Just my opinion. I’m grateful to the guys willing to tone done their strength and work with me, you are always helping us by being a good training partner in this way. Cheers all 🙏
@@boatymcboatyface Curious George used paragraphs for 1st grade level books... yet you mention nothing of the OP's writing ability. Well done Sir White Knight... another Internet maiden whose honor you've defended. Maiden's defended > 100 Sex received - 0
I personally love the challenge of rolling with both bigger or smaller partners. I like the zen of having to adjust to different body types. Make myself light if I’m rolling with a kid for example (and I’m not light!) or feel what a weight disadvantage feels like if I’m rolling with a heavier partner.
Coddling is an interesting way to say "Not hurting people." Just like I would with a guy, I'll use just enough strength and pressure that they know I COULD just crush them the whole round, then I back it off and have fun. If we know each other, I skip the first part.
As a woman that has only started a few months ago I have been trying to train 4-5 days a week and only have guys to roll with the occasional women. I get smashed by big people all the time both men and the one woman that comes and I am trying to work on my technique instead of using my strength on everyone. I do not like it when men come at me with the let me show you I am a man look I can beat you…..well at this point in my path yes yes you can you can beat me with technique and with strength and then it shows me who I can roll with and who is just not for me. The ones that have something to prove are the ones I pass on.. I am not sure who they are trying to prove something to most likely themselves. I know I am as well we all have days. But during technical if you smash smash smash that is not helpful and won’t keep us coming back. I surely do not want to be coddled but I don’t want to just hurt by guys cause they want to show me how tuff they are. I’m to old for that I am 44 with 3 kids lol I know some would wonder why I am doing this but I find it helps me Mentally physically and who doesn’t want to know how to rip someone’s arm off😂
@@calecampbell5860 I totally get it. I don't smash at first to be a tough guy, but to get the other person's expectations calibrated. In order to progress, it's important to understand when people are letting you work. I've had situations where I was letting someone work, and they went and started talking trash to others about how good they were and how much I suck. So, first roll, you're getting styled on, just so we're all on the same page. I expect others to do the same to me, if they can. Drilling is a whole different ball game.
@@calecampbell5860 I don't smash people or of meanness or to feel tough, I do it to calibrate them and make sure they understand that I'm letting them work. I've taken it easy on people, and had them turn around and talk trash about how weak I was. That's not good for them, because they need to understand when someone is letting them work.
@@Jamoni1 I understand that too, no offensive I was really rambling as i want guys to test what I can give them And give me that much and then more as I get better, I don’t want to be let to do anything . But with women well I appreciate the higher belts that deal with my white belt attitude I’m so new and really like I said it’s helpful in the mental area and for trauma healing of the past it’s really working on my own issues of dealing with other in close quarters and it being ok and safe well as safe as a combat sport is but I think you understand.
@@calecampbell5860 I absolutely do. I really try to understand what my partners need, and dial in the energy for that. There are so many people using this wonderful sport to work through personal things, I'd hate to be the reason they didn't come back.
Good video. Common sense advice. I’m always nice to my training partners. Without people to train with, there’s no growth. Treat everyone with respect and manage your intensity to the people you’re going against. Of course, your goal is to be successful, but not every roll has the same purpose.
I love your channel because you're really good at articulating what I would consider to be pretty common-sense takes. It's like you are showing me the completed thoughts of ideas I've intuited, but never fully realized.
Great points Chewster! Most of us here have to go to work the next day and we are trying to make sure we can all get there and come back again and roll. Definitely gears is a great way to explain it. I try to catch a newer person in a position we have learned and make them work that technique to escape, pass, whatever... Then I put them back in it again and again to learn it and slowly step up the difficulty.
Great points, in addition, an advanced women grappler wrote a great point for women only classes (if possible): For every new grappler there is an adjustment to movements and contact in the sport, the inevitable literal physical intimacy. When there is so much new it can be hard to learn what is normal and what is inappropriate. She advocated for the women only classes to learn this new normal with less risk of misunderstanding of the physical contact. Not that women should only roll with women, quite the opposite. Just that it’s helpful to have an extra safe space when learning a new baseline normal for contact. This was in response to a series of posts where usually there had been men behaving inappropriately and women were unsure if it was them or if they should trust their gut. Few occasions of misunderstandings the other way around too. In both cases, first establishing the new normal contact would have been helpful. Anyway, I thought it was the best pragmatic argument for women only classes and thought of share here in this relevant context.
Fully agree with Chewy. The single biggest reason to match partner’s strength/size difference is because of the risk of injury. As a 5’0 110lb blue belt woman, I don’t mind the suck at all of being crushed, but I can very easily get injured when going against someone 200+ lb with full force versus someone closer to my size. It’s just physics. If bigger people in my gym didn’t “coddle” me, I would be in crutches and would have been forced to quit bjj early in my white belt journey due to injuries . I greatly appreciate all the training partners who knows how to focus on technique so both parties can learn, have fun, and stay safe. Not everything in life has to be life or death! :)
I have 2 rule of thumb when i roll with women.. 1. I never ask i let them approach me, the reason being im 6'1 225 on a fat day.. so im sure im gonna look intimidating to them... 2. I never use my strength i like to focus on my technique and improve my flow, so when i do match up with guys my size or bigger when they try to overpower me, i can beat them with finesse.... Now i don't coddle because we are training to get better, i remember not knowing anything and kept getting choked or tapped (ahh good times) but i kept showing up kept getting my behind kicked and saw improvement... With that being said we all have those AHole who go to far thats where mat enforcer come in... But at the end of the day u can push EACH other to our goals without being a dick🙏🏾🔥💯❤️
I'll never forget when I was 13 and starting Karate. Yes, I get people taking it easy on the beginner, but many people took it too easy on me to the point where I was not feeling ANY pressure at all to get better and get creative. Since my reason for starting martial arts was because I was being bullied, this frustrated me a lot. However, this one purple belt 16 year old girl (about 6 belts above white belt in our dojo) was different. She came at me hard (probably not her hardest lol). She was extremely good at finding my limits and pushing me slightly over them. This same girl could keep up with brown and even some black belts practitioners.
Great way to put it. I'm not going to roll lighter with you because you're a woman, but simply because you're less strong and that applies to any partner. I actually enjoy rolling with people less strong than me because I can dial back the explosiveness and go 100% technical, and I wish the people heavier/stronger than me would do the same.
I am fortunate (as a female in BJJ) that my male classmates are very respectful and will hold back their strength a bit while we’re drilling certain techniques, so we can both learn without thinking about it necessarily being a self-defense scenario. I do ask them to increase intensity/pressure from time to time, to see where I stack up. Sometimes having those elements ramp up helps me discern where my deficiencies lie… whether it’s a true strength and size disadvantage or an issue with my technique/lack of refinement. I think learning to scale yourself to fit your training partner is a valuable skill and keeps *everyone* safe, not just the women. However, I do understand how some men might hold themselves back with a female partner to too great a degree, to where it inhibits their training. That’s unfortunate. I think it’s a give-and-take situation, but can be overcome with clear communication and mindfulness on the part of BOTH partners. I have no problem letting the guys know when they’re taking it too easy.
Changing how hard I roll was something I had to learn at white belt. There was a period where I would go too hard sometimes because I didn't know how to pace myself. I would run the risk of injuring people because I didn't know control. At blue belt, I always make sure to take care of my rolling partners. I don't care what level they are, I don't want to see them get hurt. I apply this mentality even when I cross-train. Everyone has a life outside of BJJ. No point in ruining someone's life just to get a sub in training.
As for coddling, it happens all the time and it’s important for self control. As a white belt i know im being coddled by black/brown and some purple belts more often than not but I’ll ask them to not hold back if training for competition. There’s only a few women in my gym (highest blue belt) but I find that rolling with women can actually be more beneficial because they tend to rely more on techniques and this forces me to focus on technique rather than just powering through them. Most of the time I’ll let them get sweeps and play bottom but if they make a mistake I’ll punish them because that’s reality. In general I think I’m a good partner to roll with and they like to roll with me too so it’s cool to coddle.
New White Belt here. A couple days ago i pulled my calf during a roll. I took 2 minutes off and i was ready finish it up with the guy i was rolling with. My instructor comes over and says just rest up. Dont roll at all. He has done a really good job of protecting me from myself.
I've only been rolling a couple of months, at 6' 225lbs, I had some initial anxiety when women matched up with me, simply from the size differential. Then a purple belt suddenly turned up the pain level on me and spent an hour using me as a training dummy. After that session my instructor simply said, "that's how you roll with women here, don't let me catch you slacking on them". But I think the larger issue, at least for me is that "men aren't supposed to be mean to women" in our society, so that was a big hurdle to jump, like asking a dog to do something they've been trained not to do and they're like "WTF human?" 😁
I love truth and reason. They are the only things that are truly beneficial in life. I came into the video thinking one way and left thinking another. Thank you. Your response was dead on and you delivered it as a seasoned, mature man and mentor would.
As a smaller, female blue belt, if I think a guy is pulling back too much, I go for submissions even more intensely. At the same time , I finish anything involving the arms more carefully on guys because their flexibility is typically less than gals.
As a new guy to bjj I assume everyone with a color belt is coddling me to some degree. Im fine with that but also fine if they smash me as long as its fun and i feel like they are not out to injure me. great video this is how we learn.
There is a big difference between not seriously injuring someone and coddling them. Coddling would generally refer to not putting an uncomfortable amoujnt of pressure on someone, or using some of the most "disrespectful" subs, such as s-mount pressure tapping, smothering with 1 or two arms controlled, strong cross-face shoulder pressure, etc.. If a woman never gets to feel what it's like when a man tries to hold her down with all of his strength (even if he is being careful to not actually break anything), she will be unpleasantly surprised when someone on the street does exactly that. It's like people who hit pads all the time, but never spar with head shots. You can drill combos all you want, but if you've never had someone trying to actually hit you in the face, you are likely going to get fucked up in a real fight, or at least not do nearly as well as you think you should.
Amen. A well thought out perspective. These are things and attitudes that most experienced practitioners do, but it was good to hear it in a cohesive and considered way. Thanks!
I personally want to address the notion of "the attacker won't be nice to you, he'll go nuts!" ... will this attacker have any remote amount of grappling experience? What about having the endurance/gas tank that a trained grappler will have? How about reactions to things you do? I doubt the overwhelming majority of attackers have any endurance, empty handed skills, or reactions of a trained opponent. So let me get this idea straight... a bigger stronger male training partner is going to try and gaslight their female training partner into rolling harder "cuz realism" despite the fact that almost 0 attackers who want to hurt women know how to grapple/train combat sports? If any of you genuinely believe that anyone needs to train like that "for realism", please make that make sense. The point to coming into the gym is to build up new skills, and refine or expand upon established skills. A more realistic training scenario is that you (with her full and complete understanding and consent) set up a mat somewhere like myrtle beach and have a sign that says "Tap out this female BJJ purple/brown/black belt, win $100" She'll get a infinitely more realistic understanding of what guy's expectations are, what they do/what everyone tends to do, and because there is a large dollar incentive they will put up a decent fight for her, vs a bigger trained grappler going all out on another smaller trained grappler. Two totally different realities to train under.
This is a good subject in the sense that there are some that need to learn how to coddle and why to. The majority of us train not as a job. So we need to be able to go to work tomorrow . I have gone to gyms where they hurt each other and others that make a point not to. When you roll with people that are learning a specific thing, it does them no good if you just beat on them but do not allow them to get the move and make adjustments etc.
Men can train with women in a way that is neither injurious nor patronizing to their training partners. My philosophy when rolling with women is the same as when rolling with kids. "Let them work, but don't let them win." I roll light enough that they can work their "game" but try to match their energy and skill such that I'm not "giving" anything to them. If they do something "dumb," I take advantage. If I do something dumb, they have an opportunity. That said, anyone should have the confidence to roll with anyone in their gym and not be injured. And, anyone should have the confidence to say "nah, I'm going to find a partner closer to my size and skill..."
This is a perfect way to put it. I try not to roll my eyes when someone is like “well that wouldn’t work in the streets” like bro who are you out here fighting everyday lol different things for different occasions and different people train for different reasons
Great video. I'm a small dude (light featherweight), so I am regularly partnered with the females and kids. Not smashing boobs is a courtesy I use with women and never using strength except defensively. That forces them to adjust their technique, making their overall game tighter
Chewy, this was very well said. We all do BJJ for different reasons, self defense is a bonus. Also in a real world situation, I’m more inclined to think that the “bad guys” are not going to have the same skills that a woman who has trained BJJ for a while will have. I’m a 6’3 250 lb dude, and I spent 6 years rolling with some ferociously skilled women black belts, and they cooked me every single time for every roll. It wasn’t until I got my purple and brown when I actually felt like I had to dial it back and use more technique against them because they were simply neutralizing my strength before.
Great insight to call “being able to roll with anyone such that you get something out of it” a skill. Truly is, just don’t think I’ve thought of it specifically as a skill just as part of positive maturing as a grappler. Thanks.
Good stuff. I try to coach my students a lot on understanding the difference between repetition and simulation as training modalities. I know people who want to have the biggest, strongest guy in the room resist the technique to "see if it works," and the reality is almost always that it won't. Because they don't have the repetition to succeed under simulation yet. Likewise, some people do a move a few times in repetition and mistake this for being totally ready to apply in a competition or a fight. Repetition and simulation are both incredibly valuable but they can't be mistaken for one another.
I have a really good friend I met at white belt and I’ve always let her work and beat me since white belt. She is a blue belt for a year now and when we roll, I still let her work but some days I put a little more pressure on her and some days I don’t give her an inch lol. On those days, she’s always like “man, I suck today.. I don’t know what’s wrong?” lol. I just smile and tell her she did great, she just had a bad day. I actually treat most of the female partners this way regardless of rank or skill. I am not saying that I am better than anyone, but I have enough common sense not to just crush everyone smaller or not as strong.
I completely agree, and I do the same thing with a few training partners at my gym. I’ll let them work through the positions, if I smash them every time we roll they won’t get any experience at all as to what they’re trying to do or how to do it. So I will sit there in my guard and allow them to work their passing. My friend, I do this with told me he has gotten more comfortable while training jiu jitsu because of this.
When training in the gym you need to adjust your game to every partner if you really want to learn. I only go all out on people that I know are better and we have an understanding it's war when we meet. But the other 90% of my rolls I take it down a level. We are all taking care of each other. So whether it's a woman, a new white belt, 17 yr old kid, guy coming back from an injury or someone training for competition you need to adjust your game so you both get the most out of the roll.
I don't agree with comparing training to being on the street in a confrontation. The gym should be your playground, and everyone should feel safe in that environment regardless of their training and fitness level or gender. Having said that, I think that there are times that some coaches take it easier on certain students for no other reason than they are friends, or whatever their justification is. As a coach, you should be able to match the intensity and level of most of the students in your gym. In some cases you have to roll a little lighter and sometimes you have to roll a little more assertive. I agree that everyone was "coddled" at one point or another in their BJJ journey, but also think that you're doing a great disservice to the student if you take it super easy on them because it has a tendency to develop bad habits for them. Just like if you're a big guy training with smaller people, you can get into bad habits using your size as an advantage, that you couldn't do to someone your own size.
I dont see training partners as men or women... i see weight and strength.... if a women or dude is light and has physically much less strength then i have i try to not use raw power. I am 183lbs and most women in class are ~130lbs.. additionally as born men i just have 40% strength advantage at same weight just by being born a men. So going hard on them benefits nobody >-< and is stupid. But we also have some real physical monsters at class 230lbs dudes that are build like bodybuilders... they would do the same to me. Adjust the level of strength they use to what i have
4 years in.. I roll with every one different.. but I enjoy a flow roll .. and usually I try to do this when I roll with lady partners.. but if they ramp up.. I do to.. but always being a good training partner..
I got tapped by a woman last night. Caught me in a leg lock during no gi. I backed off strength at first, but she went all in and wanted me to roll hard. She ended up winning. I roll depending on the person I'm rolling with
In football training we call it “tempo” which equates to intensity level. Before each drill the coach will let you know the tempo, from walk-through to live. This way both sides are going at equal intensity and it keeps you safe. It’s dangerous if one side is going full and the other is not expecting it. In BJJ training with size, skill and athletic disparities you adjust your tempo to make an even game. It would be like playing tennis with Roger Federer - if he goes full speed I’ll never hit a single ball and go home 45-0. Neither one of us has any fun.
Fairness is not treating every individual the same way. Fairness is treating everyone according to the same *principles,* and the principles here are simple: The bigger the size/strength/skill/age/health(etc.) disparity between you and your partner, the more you ease up accordingly. The less your partner *wants* to roll hard, the more you ease up accordingly. In short: Match energy.
I'm down to 190 from 240. I'm also 36 years old. I've coddled my training partners from the start because I was always really heavy, even when I was getting completely mauled.
I have to go to work tomorrow and prefer to not limp in because I had a rough night in BJJ. I once had a guy that kept cranking on my neck anytime he was in my guard, and I couldn't turn my head properly for 2 weeks. Having that said I don't do anything purposefully that is risky in live rolls because most people have families and jobs to go to and are doing this as a hobby and to stay fit.
I've learned how to roll w/ women more by relying less on just being less smash heavy. I can be way riskier in my attacks during rolls w/ the ladies. For context I'm 6'2 about 260lbs, tbh some men I probably shouldn't roll with but I haven't injured anyone yet and I hope to keep it that way. Coupled with the concept that not every roll shouldn't be "play to win". Focus on gathering data more than anything else.
*Just an FYI, when the black belt poster said “bad guys” he meant butt-holes who go 100% when rolling no matter who he’s up against. We have this in Muay Thai. Some people spar/roll to win so he’s saying “ladies, be prepared for this. I avoid sparring with women*
Always adjust to training partners. I have a favorite woman training partner who is around 165-170lbs. If I don't use strength, she beats me with technique all day. I have to use some smash and strength when we roll...but she is also an avid competitor and doesn't want us to take it lightly. I've seen her have to tone it down with smaller white belt guys because they can't keep up😂.
Its interesting to me that exactly the same principle is true when you're Impro-Dancing with someone. You get the most out of it if you can adapt to your respective partner, no matter what he/she brings into it...
New white belt so maybe not representative of norms but I certainly dont coddle the females. I do try to match intensity, same as I do with everyone and definitely avoid using weight (at 220lbs Im near double almost everyone at the gym). The only way I treat different at all is being more careful where I grab and avoiding or limiting time spent in awkward positions (high mount, north south, etc).
It's really just a weight class issue. If there is a disparity I try to play to that role appropriately. If I am the larger person, I'll try to be less explosive and a little more careful about my pressure. Don't squish. We're here to learn techniques, not show who can beat each other up. I don't think that it is coddling, just respect for weight classes and the responsibility of both fighters in that situation.
I guess I have not been much cuddle as white or now blue belt female with 160 pounds because I am very strong and skilled. Guys and female collegues always have been hard with me and I already had injuries by guys that "charged me" an expensive toll because I just passed their guard easy. I got almost a broken arm from a Wristlock when I got a guy in closed guard and from other a flying arm lock in the last seconds of the roll or a kick in the ankle from the flor after a guy felt form my judo throw. No, many guys and girls have not been nice with me in Jiu. On the contrary my trainers always trusted with me the new incomers, the bad shape moms, etc. I have never injured anyone despite my athleticism/strength. I already got big guys that did not want to tap in a Kimura and I never broke their arms, I just let them go. I am not there to send people to the Hospital or to work the humility of the colleagues, for that is God. I believe that what you give you will receive back.
100% agree! It's not woman vs man thing, it's don't roll like an asshole lol. Should be able to dial it back or Amp it up depending on the training partner.
I train to take the bodyweight and strength in consideration when rolling. I walk around 87-90kgs, I have 20-30kgs on some women and even some men in our gym.
I would have to think that if anybody disagrees with what was said in this video, they must have a distorted view of the purpose of Jiu-Jitsu. They should take a good look at their perspectives and try to reinvent their understanding.
It's definitely a skill and not that straightforward to learn how to "appropriately" coddle a training partner. The problem that I run into sometimes is being the bigger, stronger person, but still lacking experience, when I go a little lighter my partner will take advantage and sweep me or crank an arm/leg/neck. It seems a bit of a fine line of protecting yourself while protecting your partner. With females, I often really like it because I might go a little too light, but then I can go up a gear or two to give them a challenge, but not have to worry about them injuring me. Not to mention, they usually smell way better 😅
I defo coddle them. I don’t think I’ve ever subbed a girl. I let them work. If I let one that went hard, then I’d up it but for the regular girls..I’d feel bad and don’t want the reputation.
