It's interesting to explore a lot as it's easier in usa..although commitment is hard.. Typically asians who are busy building their life are driven and don't like (have the luxury) to explore:)
Kira is so vulnerable and honest. She added a beautiful perspective to the conversation, that very few people would be willing to share because society is so judgmental. I loved everyone’s personal insights even Eric’s views on having kids (or not), made it a nuanced conversation. Keep these coming ❤
WE LOVE KIRA!!! but yes i think we have really deep conversations where we all have a different viewpoint, but grounded in our own personal experiences. it invites healthy debate and discussion, which i always appreciate! thanks for watching today's episode!! :D
excuse me eric is WHOLESOME as heck?? smart, with integrity (& his social circles too), humble (feel like he's learning small things from everyone), self-aware (about fam and kids), and respectful! especially when he said i don't necessarily agree with some statements Kira said about love between gender but i respect where you come from. personally think having multiple people on a pod provides diff perspectives, not necessarily to agree with but it's interesting (and important!) to learn why everyone behaves the way they do and where they come from! IM A FAN 🤓
WE LOVE ERIC - chloe!! but yeah i think this episode is really neat (and a lil on the wild side) bc it displays a humongous range of perspectives and experiences. i thought i had my fair share of dating stories, but it's nice to be reminded that it's only a very small smidgeon of what people have experienced across the board. also love and relationships are just such complex, nuanced topics that we don't all agree on but we can see how they came from a real place of personal experience. GLAD U ENJOYED THIS EPISODE (as spicy as it is!!) - chloe!!!
I like that Eric disagreed respectfully with Kira, and they found common ground in wanting things to feel equitable to each person in the relationship! I don’t think women are necessarily more emotional than men - I do think we’re taught from a young age to be more aware of social dynamics/to grow EQ though, while less of this is expected of men!
I can relate to Eric not wanting kids because of having a rough childhood. That's very vulnerable to share. I respect your decision Eric! live your best life.
I was going 🤨😬🤨🤨?? so hard during some points of this segment and the guy held a superb poker face the whole time. Using very calm emotionless words to describe your disagreement instead of showing it through other means that would surely be received as "unsafe judgement". It's definitely why you are more popular with women and why they feel comfortable saying whatever they want in front of you. It helps me envision something new to strive for, to reign in my personal thoughts in the face of untruth and make space for others to speak.
Getting into the tech start up space, I've noticed the dating field is abysmal. But i honestly think you guys are correct because who you surround yourself with it effects you and your behaviors. Like all my friends and family are in loyal, respectful, long term committed relationships. So when I hear these people I'm talking to in the space on their 3rd or 4th husband/wife its really shocking. Like i know my gf of 8 years would still love me and be with me even if what im doing doesnt work out, she knows ill just get a gig somewhere else. The trust, respect and love is there.
Brotha was speaking FACTS. I can admit I was guilty of that mindset when I was younger. It is all about validation, esp if you had a nerdier phase when you didn't have many dating options when you were in the library trying to build up your career. It's kinda of like a drug for a while, but you do grow out of it after you see how shallow it is. Just because you have options doesn't mean you have to exercise them. Good episode!
LOVED this episode and happy i came across this pod- Coming from someone whose dated in both miami and nyc I can 1000% guarantee you that dating founders or incredibly successful men comes with consequences. These hustling men think the higher money they make the better women or more elite woman they can get down the road. And that in itself sets them up to attract manipulative and narcissist women who are just after what they have, and then they want to basically cry help when it's too late. I got fed up myself dating in miami and nyc meeting loads of them, and ended up dating a very humble country man with similiar values to me and I will never look back. I've never felt more loved and appreciated than i do with him bc he's not surrounded by shiny lights.
42:15 a single earner in CA with $200k salary has an after-tax take-home of about $11k monthly. Even if living expenses (housing, food, insurance, transportation) are $6k per month, that’s still very good monthly savings. It feels like there’s a built-in assumption here about saving up for a down payment on a million-dollar house. I can understand why the hosts weren’t interested in putting a number on financial happiness because it’s too context-dependent.
yeah it's super context dependent! iirc - eric did put a number on his financial happiness in episode 2. i think it was in the $120k range ish. i don't think i have an exact number precisely, but knowing where i came from, i feel i've hit my baseline thresholds of being able to support myself independently. but if we're talking about family planning? oh boy. that's a whole other can of worms and money math to crunch through.
Idk if y’all realize this, but kira is very redpilled. If not consciously, then the values are internalized. And btw, theres nothing wrong with that. I think values are a choice, and she seems consistent in the application of hers
I've been moving this week and you guys have been keeping me company during all my hours of unpacking. A normally daunting task is made so much better with you three in my ears. ❤
@@jomopod and @chloeshih 😍 I love that you guys went with Jomo for the name. It's cute and catchy. Rest assured you guys are going to be coming along with all of us on our errands, toilet trips and daily routines. Wish this pod came out more than weekly! Just finished this ep and already counting down the days for the next.
I know plenty of men who like women who are 30-35, it's not like they suddenly become undatable after 30. The age is less important as you think, but as the podcasts host say their standards/bar is a lot higher so it's harder to even date them. The reason men have to go below the 28 range is because the 30+ women have inflated standards (for better or worse) and it's surprisingly harder to date them. The effort-to-reward ratio is better for 28 and under.
I have to say the discussions on household income and living comfortably was interesting. I live in a metro as expensive as LA and I would never have thought a household of 2 needs more than 300k to live comfortably. Unless someone has a lot of debt they need to pay off, I feel like 500k as a household income definitely seems more of a lavish lifestyle. I usually can resonate with you all as I’m middle class (and come from a very poor family - still poor) but this definitely was like whoa, since I live in a metro with similar prices to LA COL. Made me really think on my own lifestyle lol. Otherwise I loved the convo.
I like your take on the contributing to the relationship in different ways where it may not be monetary but effort. Your time is just as, if not more valuable than money.
I usually don’t watch podcasts like this and I’m def not really apart of the demographic that would consume this kind of content. But I’m so glad this somehow showed up on my algorithm! These are some really refreshing perspectives and insights. Really appreciate the insight Eric shared at the beginning about men who want more and base their inherent value on their salary and do the same with women they date.
I’m in my late 20’s and I’ve never dated before but I always never wanted to date because I’ve never had thoughts about having kids or envisioned myself being in a relationship when I was younger. I am open to the thought of being in a relationship but at the same time I’m just scared of showing my vulnerable side and getting hurt. My parents didn’t really have the most stable relationship but are still together and from seeing a lot of others who were in relationships especially women from my culture they are told to be “the good wife” or “be Patient” if your husband is mentally abusive or physically. It’s quite the toxic mindset. AND if you don’t live the way they did, you get immediately judged for trying to be different meaning defending yourself, standing your ground and setting boundaries or trying to communicate. The fact that we all are traumatized by things in the past and we are now still carrying these trauma with us till this day and using it as a habit. But at the same time we want to stray away from these bad trauma habits and learn to live better. I hope we all can find some peace with whatever we dealt with especially that now we are more aware of it and know that we are able to freely part ways with bad toxic exposure.
All my creativity got beaten out of me, now I just have a full time job, a part time job(20hours a month) and 4 hobbies to take all my energy. Last entrepreneur I talked to was going on about no fap and asking me and another colleague about how we avoid getting into sex scandals… yeah I’d rather be the engineer that has trouble dating than an STD on stilts. 8:28 it’s worse than you think, there are NO standards. It’s all just hallucinations. People pick crazy things in other people and then just say what sounds right when quizzed
kira was so fun lmao. i love the wild ride between her being sheltered jehovah witness to identifying with favorite consort characters. she has to watch Apothecary Diaries!
Love the different viewpoints you guys bring to the conversation stemming from your different experiences and being able to disagree while being receptive to hearing each other's perspectives.
I don't ever listen to these types of podcast... But here I am, 2 hours later... I finished both parts LOL. I really resonated with a lot of your topics and can appreciate the authenticity of y'all answers/commentary. Definitely relatable in many ways. Thanks for the perspective. Hope y'all do more.
I thought Kira brought a lot to this episode. She was simply sharing her own experience. Thank you, Eric for acknowledging the existence of male privilege. Would love to hear y'alls thoughts about office romances or friends to lovers - maybe an idea for a future episode?
hi i really love the honesty with which y’all approached this conversation! i think it definitely got a lot of people to think about how relationships can mean different things to different people - so kudos to this group because that’s what good content should do. however, i will say that there were times where it seemed like the conversation wasn’t opened up to be inclusive of relationships that fall outside of the “normalized” heterosexual relationship. but i understand that obviously everyone was speaking to their own experiences but it would’ve been great to see more of an acknowledgement of those factors.
Although you didn’t have a happy childhood, that doesn’t mean you can’t provide the same for your kids. Moreover, even if your parents weren’t amazing, well-off, or if you didn’t have the best experience, you still turned out great. We need to understand that there are many factors that can shape a person, even when the environment isn’t perfect. There are many people we can relate to who had a perfect life-well-off parents, a great childhood, etc.-but are still miserable. So, if the reason you don’t want kids is that you believe you can’t provide a good experience, I think you’re wrong, and you’re being too hard on yourself. I believe that once you have a mini version of yourself, you’ll move mountains and find new meaning in your life because they will be your world. I don’t have kids, but I didn’t have the most perfect life either. Still, I know that no matter what, I’m glad I’m alive and existing, and anyone you bring into this world will be happy too, just like you.
Another great episode - love the candor of the discussions and the 3 person dynamic works well! Any chance Eric ever shares a scrubbed version of that 3 page Hinge advice? Could be helpful for some of us trying to optimize our profiles 😂
also it's so funny chloe + eric both said we don't want to be housewives/husbands immediately LOL, just shows people are so different and that's the fun of it
Something similar where a woman explain how her relationship works and Esther Perel response with “It’s not equal. It’s fair.” Maybe rethink the last portion because it’s true that equal is very hard to quantify.
But thing i dont get, when kira mentioned her first boyfriend, chloe also said something like: he was mansplaining how your monthly menstruation is the same like cheating was for him... And then when kira says thay she is currently dating a guy that sleeps with other women whereas she doesnt sleep with other men, she presents it like its some kind of modern way of dating and then kira says: yeah but we talked and now we're exclusive and he (the bf) only did that because he thought she wanted him to sleep with other women?????? She is kind and bubbly and all but I wouldnt want to listen to any podcast with her. It feels like she is promoting her trauma and normalizing it.. I find this dangerous.. if younger girls start following her.. its very concerning..
actually i think kira's very real. it still needs to be processed for sure. but it honestly reminded me of my own past and how i still have more work to do on myself. it's crazy how those formative early relationships sometimes stick with you even if you know they were bad. and you try to learn but being sheltered is really hard because you have to learn so much from scratch. i think the diversity between these three really elevates everyone. i love that they can lift each other up and teach each other. and phew it is a blessing kira is in a good relationship now where she doesn't have to question the devotion and respect.
Ohmygod when Kira is going off about entrepreneurs trading up girlfriends all I can think about is a group of dudes huddled together trading Pokemon cards and admiring each other's collections. 😂🤡
I have to DISAGREE with Kira on men “not loving as deeply as women”..! Men and women love DIFFERENTLY, but I wouldn’t say they don’t love as deeply.. Of course, every individual is different, so it’s subjective.. I challenge Kira to that..!
It's so cool to hear all your different perspectives with things like relationships, splitting expenses, etc, yet it's also so clear that you all get along so well! Awesome listen as always and can't wait til next week!
She seems to have some internalized misogyny. Some really weird takes about relationships. She is perpetuating the idea that men are only valuable because of what they do and women are valuable because of who they are. This is such a toxic idea.
Its a manifestation of the entrepreneurial spirit and ambition. You realize life is finite and its a game of solo leveling. DIFFERENT Girls become part of that experience gathering, and settling with a girl is not the END GOAL. Every girl brings different insight, POV that enriches your life in various ways. Monogomy is such a modern invention. Throughout time, most societies practiced polgamy and many still do in rural agricultural societies, arab world etc.. we shouldn't judge others through a western myopic lens.
@@jomopod with my friends, Eric, we read the whole manga, became really big fans of Akasaka and we have a discussion: (I’ll be cryptic so I don’t do spoilers) in the end, who end up with who and what is that thing that Ai Hayasaka see in the last volume? We have teams for who we are shipping Ishigami with. And the friend I’m trying to get him to date people has also that vibe! I need advice on that! Can’t wait for another podcast you all!!
Kira is definitely more trad wife, I feel like for a successful business man, this is definitely a preference. A woman that earns a lot, has masculine traits, and you can tell Kira is very feminine, this is just my two-cents. And I'm only speaking from Australia culture and experience.
Speaking as a woman-- I would be pissed as a man hearing that women are able to love stronger than men. At the same time, I don't necessarily agree with 50/50. I think there's a societal element of women historically not having as much earning power or power in general. In light of that, expecting a woman to pay for 50% of the life you're building together when we just so recently got liberated financially, on the order of 30 years ago, feels a bit unfair. Just my 2 cents
Wow wow, definitely gonna turn some heads with this one! Love the talks on dating and courtship. Curious on your thoughts on moving on from ex's. Her bday is this month and i wanna text happy bday but it's probably a bad idea 😅
Depends on how you broke up. If it was mutual and you're still cordial/mutual with each other then send that text! But if it ended badly or neither of you haven't moved on, then let it pass. It'll be painful or awkward (These are the rules I follow and it's never failed so far 😅).
Omg I put into ChatGPT what character traits does Eren Yeager, Oliva from Baki Hanma & Haruhi Suzumiya share and it made me emotional reading it all lmao
It depends on culture. The western culture def doesnt have a lot of that care from women. 50-50 sounds fair but no relationship is ever in a situation that is 50-50. As long as people try to account for the difference, it should be okay.
The bottom line is Guys can’t handle a strong beautiful women who’s in their early thirties or late thirties bc it’s harder to control women of that age so therefore guys basically like women who are in their 18-24..even 25.
that's not it. its because why date an older women when you could date a younger women that's more attractive. also guys don't wanna deal with strong independent women because there annoying and it feels like dating another man.
@@greysonbennett6788 older women standards go up as well and there just harder to deal with. like why deal with an older women that more annoying and less attractive when you could go for a younger women who more enjoyable to be around. there's really no pros to an older women.
@@needum9212 And that's the point. Weak men go for women they can handle/easily impress. Strong men go for women they can grow with through adversities and challenges. It's not an age thing, it depends on the type of man you are.
I must be the outlier… But this guest rubs me the wrong way. I watched part 1 to support this pod, but I couldn’t get myself to finish this episode. Obviously she is successful, hence why she’s in Chloe and Eric’s network, but she comes across as ‘conceited’. Yes, there’s some good dating advice sprinkled in here. However, I would not necessarily reference her as a strong role model for dating advice. Eric though, wholesome as ever!
hey justin - thanks for sharing your thoughts and concerns! I think the reality of dating is incredibly nuanced, personal, and oftentimes unbelievable. these episodes weren't recorded to be a role model for dating or even for us to give advice to the listeners. the reality is - people have different personal experiences, and we're all shaped by them. this pod is to capture the wide range of vulnerable, authentic conversations we have with our friends when we're going through life challenges. we also share anecdotes or wild things that actually happen, which hopefully opens up perspectives on things that might happen outside your own world. ultimately, it's really just friends catching up and learning about each other. it's very likely that you'll disagree with many of the takes in our future episodes too. I definitely invite constructive debate and discussion - that's why we have this pod! but we're only 2 people in this big world. again, appreciate your feedback. i hope this context and reframe helps you see episodes in a different light!
@@chloeshihthank you for writing this all out - you’re incredibly articulate! I think it would help if you guys added that information as a disclaimer to the pod. I felt like some of Kira’s takes were quite sexist and rooted in patriarchal ideas about men vs women. Frankly her gender traditionalism almost seems like Andrew Tate-lite. Men should be held responsible for bringing emotional support to relationships. Just because men may not be doing their part today doesn’t mean we shouldn’t hold men to a higher standard. I really appreciate your pod and how you are willing to discuss controversial ideas and be open and vulnerable, and I respect all of you. But as influencers you have an outsized impact on our culture. Please keep the power you have in mind and use it responsibly.
Yea I agree too thought maybe I was the outlier too!! For me the part around 35:33 was my last straw 🙃 like I rlly like Eric and Chloe, been following both of them and their journeys for a long time was excited for the pod but i could barely listen and get thru that part 😭 maybe Kira is well meaning (?) but the way she expresses her views it comes off just…🙃 as uve said… and I can see how her wording can deepen a lot of gender stereotypes that as another asian woman I’m uncomfortable with. Huge props to Eric 39:30 to respectfully pushing back! wish there was more of that kind of “calling out” or just pushing back on certain perspectives
I was kinda on the fence with Kira when I watched/listened to this episode on Spotify while doing some chores. I am watching it again in youtube so I could comment. 😅 Now that it has more of my attention, she's growing on me. This episode is insightful on how relationships work and differ.
Love JOMO pod and wanted to support Chloe and Eric as a fan of their work, but Kira’s perspectives on gender roles, love and relationship are so out there, it was difficult to get through these 2 episodes. Kudos to her for being very transparent on this public platform, but I can’t wait for a new conversation next week without this special guest.
thanks for watching! and yea - for what it's worth, I don't agree with many of Kira's povs - but our goal always was to have hard convos about tricky topics, and sometimes hearing outside opinions has helped clarify my own and yes - next week we're back to our regularly scheduled programming~ -eric
This Kira girl definitely has a different view on life, but it is kind of BS. Letting the boyfriend fuck who they want because he makes you feel secure and loved, c’mon… the bar is down in so many levels. Also, wanting the guy to show your friends and business folks that he pays your dinner because makes you feel love, and you contribute for the relationship in different ways like cooking and giving love? I can’t understand how people think like that, it is kind of living in a cloud world in their head. Therapy ASAP!
@@Guga.Guimaraes my thoughts exactly. I appreciate her differing / opposing viewpoints, but ultimately, it is just not a value set I find acceptable either. You live you learn, I suppose…
Living your best life is about being your authentic self and not giving "Fs" about what others think. Just because one doesn't do things that you deem acceptable does not mean it is right or wrong. Its refreshing that she's able to share her views! There's absolutely no judgement here regarding the matter. Society puts such unfair standards on what a women should or should not think, feel, do. Lets just let each other be. Keep living your authentic self Kira and loved this podcast! Shout out to Chloe, Eric, and Kira for an entertaining episode. Thanks y'all!
@@justinnguyen4902agree. I'm not a fan of letting my SO do all the work in the kitchen. I'd prefer to let her do the things that she's better at while I can assist and clean up. Also a gal who prefers to be taken care of this way signals less independence and personal strength, which would be the opposite of what I find attractive. However, it's the opposite in Asia- men would prefer a softer personality and know that they will provide financially. But Asian women don't do the "have their cake and eat it too" like some American women.
If your friend is the guy who makes the God tik toks then you spelled his handle wrong, it's lonnieiiv. If that's not him then pretend I never made this comment
