Lord same! I'm also here as an act of gratitude. I'm grateful that I've gotten to this place where nothing and no one can change my mind on either topic. They have better luck trying to convince me that I'm Bigfoot and I should marry Chewbacca💅🏾
Men put women in categories almost immediately. Men usually don’t tell you their intentions but they know very quickly. If the energy is not “hell yes” then assume it’s “hell no”.
Honestly, it's ALL a gamble. Your partner may be amazing and compatible now but things can change years later. You can wait 10 days or 10 years to get married. People change.
They sure do! Even years after getting married, mine discovered video games, then retired. Bad combination. Don’t EVER marry a man with a video game addiction, unless maybe you have one, too. There’s even a name for their wives: Video Game Widows, and it certainly feels like that. They go down the rabbit hole, and they’re “gone”.
But both of the examples you gave are extreme situations that are red flags. If you do it in 10 days it's a problem, if you do it in 10 years it's a problem. People don't really change in their character. I've grown over the past 20 years of my life, but I'm the same person who values family and taking care of the people that I care about. I was a bleeding heart liberal at 16. I'm a bleeding heart liberal at 40. I was pro-choice at 16. I'm pro-choice at 40. My fundamental beliefs and core values have not changed. The only reason why people change is because they were pretending to be something when they married you. They are now revealing their true selves
@@ineedhoez I understand where you're coming from but I have to slightly disagree. The things I wanted so badly in my 20's are things I don't care for in my 30's. Does that make me a liar or pretender? There was a time i was pro- life, but now I'm pro- choice. Some people change and if you don't grow WITH them, you end up growing apart.
Cecilia Regina is 100% right. I would never take advice from someone who was a girlfriend for 8 years. That lady was a place holder and doesn’t even know it. 😂 if he hasn’t proposed after 2 years you’re a placeholder. If you FAST and PRAY God will show you who that person is. It doesn’t take long.
Many couples focus on the good and fun times to see if they’re compatible then get surprised when their partner has a temper or doesn’t handle their problems well or is a terrible communicator and then asks “when did you get like this?” Or assume this is new behavior when it’s not. Both parties, don’t really want to talk about the hard stuff in relationship. I’m not saying ppl hand to go through trauma ALL THE TIME to prove that they can be together but I thinks it’s important for both parties to see how well they do when they are going through and how they handle it
Exactly!!!! Dating is a time where you should be doing therapy level work with your partner to understand their core values, attachment style, and traumas. Most of us are out worrying about steak dinners and trips to Mexico.
You can do all the vetting in the world and your chances of getting a decent husband is still a 50/50 chances. Humans change and so will you. Whoever is interested in marriage should make sure your partner has the same expectations in life and you have a way out. Never have a child just bc he wants it and only carry the amount of kids you are willing to raise alone in case things goes bad.
That's the thing we always say that you can't vet, but none of us know how to vet. You can absolutely that and increase your chances of finding a good man. That's not a 50/50 crapshoot. If you have the appropriate vetting standards, you're only going to deal with good men. Your relationship may not be successful but it'll come down to compatibility rather than the person being trash
@@ineedhoezAnybody can be trash tho, people change, people switch up years down the line and there’s nothing you can do about it. The C.I.A can’t even properly vet men 100% successfully all the time.
Newsflash, you can know someone damn near your whole life and still not know them. Society loves to value quantity over quality. I just think people don't pay attention to the warning signs whether together 10yrs or 10 mos. I know people together for so many years, and finally get married and end up divorce less than a yr or 2yrs. Do what works for you 🤷🏾♀️
You should be looking at your partner's character and morals. Period. You don't have to necessarily go through traumatic or hard experiences with someone else but are able to trust that they are dependable with you. It can go good or bad, but unconditional love is the key.
I mean but we do . Life insurance, car insurance, retirement insurance, and a laundry list of things say that we live to prepare for tragedies. Why are relationships any different, shit can and will change!
@@biblethumper8088 That’s life tho you may struggle in any area of your for a time at any point. To say that marriage is this magic unicorn that won’t have any problems then you should stay single .
@@Theworldismine5 no it's not Life. People make life hard by doing the wrong things to themselves and others. And if you think it is, then why would you add more struggles to your life by marriage?
It doesn’t take forever to know and the truth is some things may not happen before marriage. Nobody in my family died until I was like 33! Was I supposed to wait until someone died to “test” how we navigate grief? My mom is 73 and healthy and lives on her own. My grandma is 92 and she’s healthy. I’m not sitting around waiting for negative things. That’s so weird to me. My husband proposed after 2 years. Depending on your age while dating, you don’t have to rush but you also don’t have to wait forever.
Marriage it self isnt hard. It is the relationship. If your relationship isnt right, getting married isnt going to be successful. The few happy successful married ppl I met, said they were good friends first.
It doesn’t almost take a decade to realize whether or not you want to marry someone. I do believe that people should take their time during the courtship and dating to get to know that person’s character before making a legal commitment but definitely not a decade. That’s why I think it’s important for women to know going into the relationship what kind of partner they’re looking for so you don’t waste your time.
Yeah stuff didn't really start happening until 7 years into the marriage. We still together because we love each other and we have each other's back. In sickness and health period!
The second girl took everything the first creator said specifically and was excited to give her anecdotal story. It’s good to see how someone handles a bad time, obviously you can’t see everything. And even then, people change and shit happens.
I was with my ex for 6 years when we got married. She lost her job while we were together, her family stopped speaking to her for being gay, we were broke, she got diagnosed with both a medical and mental illness and we got married. 6 years in. Our marriage was terrible. We were married for 6 years. We went through even worse stuff, our dog got cancer, almost got evicted, she was on disability while I lost my job, just awful things. It showed me that she wouldn't be a partner to me since I was the one who was handling most of the issues that came up. Marriage isn't the be all end all, I wouldn't get married again. Do what you think works for you.
I absolutely agree. And marrying someone without living with them first is incredibly stupid. There’s a huge difference between living separately and seeing each other when you want to and living together.
At the one year mark, I'm going to check in with the guy and if he can't see proposing in the next six months to a year I'm going to bounce. I don't think it takes decades for a man to know if he's serious about you Most people that wait over 5 years to get married were really not that interested in getting married. It's not always the case but these 12, 15, 20 yr BF and GF divorce very quickly after getting married. If you're a teen or early 20s then you need more time bc you will change a lot. Anyone who is in their late 20s/early 30s and up and wants to get married should not be waiting a decade to get married. Things change after marriage. If that person isn't who you thought, you've wasted so much time with them
Idk, i agree with Celia and some of what the original creator's standpoint is. I love her content but its so funny how all these creators seemingly always have perfect parents & male siblings. 🤔
Honestly The first girl hit everything on the head. Too many people jump too quick into marriage and end up not understanding that they are signing for a life time of compromise. Then we end up in divorce. There’s a reason why we divorce men most of the time. Listen to her and please know yourself and your partner. Too many woman continue to push the idea that you should quickly get married cause men “automatically know” are missing the point. Stop jumping into relationships just because “welp he could hurt me regardless and I may not find anything better”. Most divorces are by WOMAN not men who supposedly choose you quickly. Wake up and decenter men please. Listening to that second woman and reading the comments are tiring. Hell most of our grandmothers would’ve left their husbands if they could let’s be real.
Like with most things…its somewhere in the middle-here leaning more toward 2-3 years there should be an assessment of character and already established intention of both parties wanting a long term relationship.
That first faceless responder was responding like the og poster had attacked her parents relationship personally. it is not bad advice to find out if someone is truly going to be a support system for you before you legally bind yourself to them. comparing jobs to marriage is crazy because a job won't unalive you or ruin your life because it is going through a hard time. the person you are married to can and it is best to get an idea of how someone handles stressful times in their life before you legally bind yourself to them. And I think the og poster was talking to women about being careful of who they marry but the first two responses shown acted like the message was to get women to waste their time building males up for nothing. just because some males told their wives they knew from the moment they saw them that they were the one don't mean they are all going to lie like that...or that everyone knows from the very first moment. telling people that's what they should be looking for is wildly irresponsible. this is real life and not a fairy tale.
As someone who has been married- divorced- and now in another long term relationship (and we have a child now ♥️), you do not have to be together for years to know how someone is, but you do have to be HONEST with yourself about the person you’re with. I kept making excuses for my ex-husband and in marriage, I finally couldn’t make any more excuses and I had to leave that situation after being letdown for the upteeth time. I had been let down WHILE dating and had I had more inner strength at the time, I should have walked away then. People will show you who they are, and if you lie to yourself you’ll end up with someone you actually don’t know. Be real. Be ready to walk away. You’ll find the one to marry!
For the first women, the original creator said all that needs to be said, she was just saying stuff that can come up, so it sounds like you are just arguing to argue. More over, for everyone light doesn't shine from above. I mean there's so much i can say, but i don't feel like using my energy anymore. And yes, the original creator is correct
Dad met Mum in HS and knew within 3 days... but they didn't get married until she'd finished her 3/4 year degree. So they DID take time then? 🤔 🙄 Imma need more than a light from above, that seems delulu to me. All these people seem hung up on loads of trials, when it probably takes one, or taking her literally at waiting 9 years, when she didn't say you should wait that long. Notice the green flags, let the amber flags reveal themselves, ditch at the first red flag, Heal your Inner Child, know yourself and let them show you who they are! Pay attention to how they make you feel in your body - if you're getting stress symptoms take action and bounce, you don't need to question it.
My old man said he saw my mom and immediately knew that’d be his wife, she thought he was an attractive quiet weirdo with a sweet soul. They were together for 11 married for 7. They would’ve divorced had I not been born, then they went right ahead and split when I was 2. They’re still best friends and both are remarried, but that “oh I knew” shit is bull 😂
At the end of the day, the stuff on social media is just a guide. There is no black and white way to know who to marry. What works for someone else may or may not work for you. Life is trial and error. If you only wanna date for 2 years do it. If you wanna date for 10 years, do it. If you wanna be a forever girlfriend do it. You can always re evaluate things and change your course.
Facts!!! She's telling the TRUTH! Ultimately, marriage is about sacrifice! You SHOULDN'T get married if you don't want to be sacrificial! The reason the divorce rate is so high is because selfish and immature ppl get married, then separate once things get real!!!
As someone that is married over a decade, the man knows right away if he wants to marry you or not. Even if you want to wait awhile before you get married to vet them better, as long as they’re truly in love with you (caring, kind, supportive, a shoulder to cry on, patient etc…) they’re gonna stay by your side through thick and thin. This is what you look for when you vet them 👇🏻 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 & 13 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
So I think she's right-ish. I definitely believe you should spend some time to get to know the person. But it's not really about the amount of time you spend with someone it's about it whether or not you get an understanding of that person's character and their values. How do they feel about in-laws? Do they have boundaries with their family members? What is the plan for taking care of elderly parents or dealing with familial obligations? What does your vision for a family look like? What's your vision for Saturday morning? You have to talk about things in terms of pictures so that way people can articulate what they see. You need to be able to assess whether or not the person is Honorable? do they do the things that they commit to do? If your partner's baseline is to do whatever needs to be done so that the relationship is successful, then you're good to go. You can absolutely prepare and assess for marriage. Marriage is not hard. Life is hard.
That’s not what they said at all. 😂 She didn’t say marry someone you can have a CONSISTENT bad time with. 😂 If you think you’re gonna have good times 100% of the time in marriage and life in general you are sorely mistaken. Everything is not related to the cool new term you just learned from social media.
It all depends on the person. My mom and stepdad got married after only 3 months. They stayed married until he passed almost 21 years later. He died 6 days before their 21st wedding anniversary back in 2012 from an off and on 9 year battle with prostate cancer. For some folks it takes awhile (he had a few marriages before mom that barely lasted lol) and mom got married to my oldest sister's dad at age 19 and became a widow at 23. The rest of us 3 daughters had different dads and it didn't last. Life happens. My stepdad was the best dad anyone could ever have and I miss him dearly.
I'm confused about Cecilia Regina's point. Her parents *did* wait a long time before they got married, thus allowing them to know each other well. She's arguing for one thing, but her example is the other. What am I missing? I understand that it wasn't her parents' preference to wait that long, but they did.
You do need to assess how the person you plan to date (or are dating if you messed up and didn’t do this in the beginning 😂) reacts to conflict. If a mf feelings are getting hurt over non issues, they’re not mature enough to stick with you for life
I think it depends. If you're a woman working a minimum wage job you don't enjoy, it makes sense to rush if you meet a man with a good job and employment benefits but if youre a career women that can provide herself with a great lifestyle, it may be best to tread carefully cause you don't want to find yourself in a situation where you are gaining nothing and perhaps losing your hard earned money.
That’s the dumbest staff I have heard I hear wait for the hard times like u just sitting around waiting or praying for the hard times just to see if u can marry someone come on 😅
18:35 - How did she have 4 years of infertility issues when she's only been married for 1 year 🤔 I know she wasn't purposely tryna get pregnant by a man who wouldn't commit to her...
Well just don’t even get married- just live together forever. Because apparently boyfriends are “better”. 😅😅 Marriage is absolved based on adultery- “ it’s in the Bible and the vows”. And that’s the main test most women are waiting on anyway. Just wait 15-20 years then. Whatever lol
Sis is trying to push the 9 year narrative cus it took her man that long to marry her. Girl no woman should wait 9 years with every man they date. Wrong advice
She is right that you should learn as much as you can about the core character of your partner. And that your qualities match as well to support a strong union. But there is no life proofing your relationship by taking extended time to commit to a marriage. You can go through illness together, family death etc. And then raising kids together is what kills the relationship for one or both people. 🫠 It SUCKS but we do not control, nor are we responsible for anyone but ourselves.
