Double Deciding: Seeing Other’s Point of View 

Yeah tbh it kinda sucks to be an Fe dominant when you're a guy because it's a function that tends to bury masculinity and boundary setting etc. And so what ends up happening is you become a doormat / simp like he is, and then it comes out in a totally wrong way, in a wrong moment, that slap was a disaster because it made him look as an even more pathetic simp... but I feel sorry for the guy for having gotten himself in a situation like this with a narcissist

I do think it’s empathy, but that still doesn’t really explain it. The way I see it is you can work backwards. When someone does something stupid, mean, strange, assume that they have perfectly valid reasons and try to imagine in what circumstances you would behave that way. Store clerk is being a dick? Well maybe they had their boss just yell at them or maybe they just had 10 dick customers before me or maybe they’re in a divorce or maybe I actually kinda looked at them funny without noticing. The thing is, you don’t have to guess the correct reason, it’s more about realizing that if you disagree with someone (they’re a dick or stupid) you are probably missing their perspective and their priorities. Doesn’t mean that you have to accept it btw, but it can help mellow out your responses. Also, if this happens with someone you know, you can then proceed to ask for their reason, instead of being stuck on “they’re just a dick”. Hope that makes sense?

I see double deciciding as using your imagination. Ask yourself what would motivate someone to act this way.

Try to argue against yourself, and do it honestly. It's as simple as that, but it is very hard to do; that's why you'll resist it to the core of your being and keep finding excuses like "no, it must be something else". You're not afraid of other people's perspectives. You're not "anti-empathy" for the sake of it. What scares you is the possibility of hurting your identity.

Im my experience the way to unlocking double-deciding is to start taking people less seriously and more lightly. Not in the sense of becoming superficial or reckless or whatever, but sort of rising above and seeing that we're all in this together, something like that, hope I explained it well - seeing people a bit like NPCs that sometimes can't help behaving the way they behave

All solid points up here, (behavioral charity principle is the gold standard 👌) and if I may add to the pile, a big obstacle to double deciding I see single deciders make is *labeling* people and themselves: "he’s mean," "she’s a bad person," "they’re liars", etc. A single decider who could learn to describe actions and emotional expressions as transient states without slapping a forever label on people would be leagues ahead of the game imo. "The tone of his voice was curt when he replied to x", "she seemed to have a hard time listening to other points of view today", "the driver cut close to my bumper". Labels (uptight, lazy, flaky, self-centered, etc.) are just words they’re not real-humans are all of that and something else entirely.