I sincerely believe you can obtain that life of peace but I don’t think it will be an easy road. Many psychologists call it forming an earned secure attachment.
I completely identify with this. It explains why, in adult relationships, when someone hurts me I want them to make me feel better. Instead of just leaving them , as I should.
Woah! That was my childhood. My dad would beat me. And then he would apologize and hug me. So he hugged me after beating me. Then he would cry out of guilt. Then I felt fear and pity at the same time....
ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-HzI5vLBrX8A.html This is a link to the next step if you truly need tools and want to move forward and take your time and let your own experience with your life push yourself. Past isn’t relevant but if it is still effecting you today then you’ll get over the world and let it go and be your favorite person and you can always get overwhelmed by the unknown but really focusing on what your point of view was then and remember that was then now what would you like and what your given and how you can make your own life yours again or for ever
This is almost every Nigerian Child. The parents and care givers who always beat, yell and talk you down, are the ones you’re supposed to run to when you have problems.
It's devastating how hard it is to get out of and work with. It is so hard. I am so mistrusting and suspicious of others - it takes so much of my energy.
I would like tothankmy parents for the wonderful job they did raising me: "the person they had to seek comfort from was also the person who caused them pain"
My parents tried 🤷♂️. That’s really all parenting is.. trying your best. My parents gave me a decent childhood. I was clothed, fed, had a roof. Obviously their parents tried too and overtime with each successive generation you tend to try to do better than the last. I’ve heard stories of my abuelo and honestly compared to that my parents were saints. Yeah I never knew if I was gonna be screamed at or hugged but I knew I was going to be cared for
LMAO this made me laugh 💀 💀 but in all honesty, I hope everyone here in the comments reading this that you got this. The healing journey is never easy, but you can do it.
He mentions 3 options of a child reacting, but fawn is a recognized new fourth one. As someone who's more fawn/freeze, I felt it was necessary to mention it b/c it's helped me understand my brain so much more then just saying my reaction is Freeze. To find out more about this look up the 4 F's in response to growing up with a narcissistic parent.
Fuck. I thought my ex had an anxious attachment style, but maybe it’s actually a disorganized attachment style. Which is SO rare. I hope she gets better one day. Wish I knew this stuff before. If any of you are dealing with someone like this just be patient and make sure to reassure them and make them feel safe.
As I have continued to learn of my Borderline Personality Disorder diagnosis, I am learning that a lot of things make sense in terms of my attachment styles and my childhood trauma. Unfortunately, it created instability in my life, painful experiences and long term healing. I am now understanding the confusion I have been feeling and I feel seen. Thank you for this video.
My parents never hurt me often as a child, but my father left when I was about 12. He became emotionally distant as the years went on. He died in 2021 and it’s really taken a toll on me. I can’t form normal relationships because I assume they’ll leave me behind which scares me. I just want to be loved. I want to love. I just want to be happy
I couldn’t figure out why i kept repeating same pattern in all my relationships and leave , few weeks ago cane across a tiktok video about attachment types and found out i have disorganised attachment as my parents got divorced when i was 2 and i only saw my dad in my teen years twice then he died in 2019 , struggled with wanting to love and be loved but at same time always feel that the person will leave me so i made up excuses to leave first
You can either buy a self help or self taught therapy book. Watch videos on how to become securely attached then practice it and/or go to therapy (psychodynamic or interpersonal therapy sounds like it may be affective). I did all 3. I hope this is helpful xx
I believe you can be :) Even though thoughts and past actions influence who we become, our true selves are different. Our true selves are intuitive and regulated and free. ✨✨😉
I didn't realise that the relationship between my parents also affected me so much. My dad still yells at my mom and then apologises to her later and says actions are the proof of his love not words. He has been. providing for her his whole life but guilt trips her constantly . And I was supposed to seek out this man with my problems. Hes 70 and retired now but uses guilt as his weapon against his family . I felt pity for him as well due to his job keeping him away for months at a time. The video explains the push-pull really well.
Totally relate to this. My mother was psychotic and violent in my childhood but then would guilt trip me not to tell anyone, so basically i was holding her violence, shame and conflicting messages whilst she was just a persona.
This is where the child experiences ambivalence and learns to repress their contradictory thoughts and feelings in order to fit in with the family unit. But that coping strategy really makes it difficult to form mature relationships because they continue to practice repressing their feelings. This usually manifests in the Borderline Personality Disorder. That may be only my theory but I would like PsychAlive to find Dr. Siegal to see if more videos can be created to clarify these possibilities.
@ Bryan Agree with your first couple of thoughts ... repression of contradictory thoughts and future relationship difficulty. But as far as BPD, not so sure. CPTSD is many times mistakenly diagnosed as BPD. Practitioners in the trauma fields will typically say there are some similarities between the two, but they are distinctly different.
You shouldn't start a family if you have emotional problems it's not fair on your children, too often parents have kids for their own therapy which is a disgrace, trust me i speak from experience.
I know what you mean. Growing up, my mother would say that she finally found someone to love her - in reference to me being born. As a kid, I used to think it was so sweet and that it was even my job to love her, but as an adult, I see it for what it is. 😞
I think it all spills into adult relationships-whether its being abused molested critisized-its traumatic-parents are our foundation and blue print as far as intimacy goes and how we view love-a lot of people run from relationships and are hot and cold to self protect, sometimes they arent even aware of it...at some point its on a subconscious level-very sad unstable and unchanging if you dont do the work. Avoidants will feel a lot better in relationships they dont have intense emotions for-if they begin to catch strong feelings for someone they begin to detach-I speak from experience-I was with one and its a lot of inconsistency-a bit of narsasism but because of the childhood and how unstable it was....i have no choice but to have empathy. They battle with depression anxiety as most of us do but on another level-
My mom should never have had children, she has BPD and this Dan here describes with interpriting threats from non-threatning gestures explains alot for me - on the plus side i'm very good at reading situations and people, and always been - but i'm completely broken when it comes to relationships. And it seems these sort of things can make you a target for manipulation from narcissists - people surely are exceptional at being shit.
Unfortunately what you are saying has statistical data to back it up. Mother's who did not tend to their babies needs have children that grow up with lack of trust/insecurity towards intimate partners. These are the people I tend to call "commitmentphobes". They want the love, but at the same time fear it, unsure that the love is "real".
I can relate to this. I'm middle aged and I've never had a relationship past six months. I'm trying hard to "heal"....whatever that is supposed to mean. Doing lots of work.
@@kristen6207 Unfortunately more abuse in homes due to signs being missed at school because they are done online, parents under pressure from loosing work, lack of seeing social facial expressions, general anxiety that is now all around us, witnessing protests etc (to a 3 year olds eyes that would look very scary). Thinking that people around them will die if they cough. Sad times ahead I remember reading something about a boy who was about 8 and he was on a pc, it just so happened that when he pressed enter a local earthquake happened...he thought he caused it for years
Societal fear. Constant hammering about the virus everywhere, b Not seeing faces! Even at school. Wine Moms getting worse due to lock down. Social media time increase for millennial parents, being gaslighted and lied to by governments about aspects of virus by authority( parental proxies) and the tattling on others for saying the empowers have no clothes ( scapegoating whistle blowers). Shall I go on? If you’re older, you understand these things due to experience.
I had a secure attachment to both my parents, I wanted my children to have the same but my late husband had the opposite with his parents so it was really tough for our kids. I still feel he was a good dad, he really work super hard to be the opposite of his parents. I later discovered that is why I would mother him even tho he became abusive to me, not our kids.
This makes so much sense. My dad was in a car accident when I was 2 weeks old which caused Schizophrenia, he thought my mom was a witch and kept taking off with me. My mom has had problems with Rage, migraines and OCD I never had emotions growing up though and I follow people and rely on the which they get mad
I also have a parent with symptoms of schizophrenia and another one with emotional regulation problems. I am sorry you had to experience this, as I know from first hand that it can affect you deep into adulthood as well as growing up.
What annoys me most (I have a LOT of anger) is that my mother had this assumption that she was doing a great job as a mother. She just has this self satisfied attitude that ‘she did her best’ and our lives were good as a result. We out lives weren’t good. Mine wasn’t good and I’m now permanently dysregulated as an adult. Her dysfunctional parenting style along with my father’s has effectively disabled me as an adult and I’m furious about it. I can’t focus on anything long enough to achieve anything. While she smugly sails on in her narcissistic DIsorganised Attachment style setting her next goal to benefit herself, I’m struggling to get from one day to the next. Her father sexually abused her and was a rage/alcoholic and her mother was a narcissistic only child depressed af - and my mother thought she could be a good parent with that background?? Ffs. She really thought she had it down pat. She just had to tick all those boxes - dinner made tick, bath run, tick stories read at night, tick, kids in bed by 7pm tick (get us out of the way you see), swim lessons booked check, send us away for holidays so she could take a break (but say its for our benefit) - tick, all fkn done. Dad - narcissistic af and not there. He was the type of person who drowned our cat’s first litter of kittens in a bucket of cold water and called himself a Christian. Cruel f*kwit. No compassion, no empathy just cruelty and getting on with getting on. My mother’s main passion is now her damn dog (can’t speak you see) and her fkg furniture (got to put on a good show for visitors). Now I have rage bubbling away underneath - rage because she assumed that children didn’t have any actual emotional needs. Just food & a roof over their head. Spoilt! Well I did. And now I can barely function - constantly getting activated. Makes me angry that I’m paying for her refusal to do any emotional healing (big waste of time in her eyes you see). She had a mental breakdown at age 48. Her conclusion once she was calmed down by meds? She was being too sensitive and she didn’t need to be sensitive it was a waste of time. Idiot. Now I’m paying the damn price. Now she’s an old lady with increasing health problems (because she ignored her health) and I don’t know how to relate to her. She’s done nothing wrong you see. A perfect mother and a perfect person. A perfect citizen. So why don’t I want to see her? Why don’t I want to invite her over? Because she never met any of my emotional needs so now I have no emotional connection. Its what she wanted isn’t it? Not to worry - my brother is also a DA and a narc so she can rely on him and they can put each other on pedestals. They’re both so perfect you see. 🤷♀️
You hate her because she is threat to you, of course. So less contact or no contact would be a good option. For the rage: Ever thought of combat sport? Where you can let out the rage in a healthy way with professional trainers that help you channel that rage. -> Tips & Tools for Releasing Stored Trauma in Your Body - 🌻Mindfulness and Movements: bike ride, Boxing, Martial arts, yoga (or trauma-informed yoga), or dancing. Exercise helps your body burn off adrenaline, release endorphins, calm your nervous system, and relieve stress. People who get into martial arts or boxing are often those who were traumatized in the past. They’re carrying a lot of anger and fighting is a great release for them. 🌻Somatic Experiencing: Developed by Dr. Peter Levine. It can release trauma locked in the body. A combination of stress physiology, psychology, neuroscience & indigenous healing practices. (Videos on youtube: ru-vid.com?search_query=Dr.+Peter+Levine%2C+Somatic+Experiencing) 🍀How to release anger from the body - somatic healing tool: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-vUFP_Tf3wEU.html 🍀Somatic Exercises for ANGER: Release Anger in Under 5 Minutes: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-bPu87cLEHac.html Release Trapped Emotions: 🍀Somatic Exercises for ANGER: Release Anger in Under 5 Minutes: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-bPu87cLEHac.html 🍀How to release anger from the body - somatic healing tool: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-vUFP_Tf3wEU.html 🍀RU-vid Playlist: Trauma Healing, Somatic Therapy, Self Havening, Nervous system regulation - ru-vid.com/group/PLvgklcA9DqG4K1g4wNh_ff6iiAf8oOUfO 🌻 Havening Technique is a somatosensory self-comforting therapy to change the brain to de-traumatize the memory and remove its negative effects from our psyche and body. It has a calming effect on the Amygdala and the Limbic system. 🍀Exercise: Havening Technique for Rapid Stress & Anxiety Relief : ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-HgULPOgLQZU.html 🍀Exercise: Self-Havening with nature ambience to let go of painful feelings: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-g0ueEksGHb8.html 🍀Video: Using Havening Techniques to rapidly erase a traumatic memory : ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-AdqTb71eRCs.html (Certified Practitioner guides them through a healing session) 🌻Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a psychotherapy technique often used to treat anxiety and PTSD. It incorporates rhythmic eye movements while recalling traumatic experiences. This combo changes how the memory is stored in the brain and allow you to process the trauma fully. 🌻Sound & Vibrational Healing: Sound healing has become all the rage in the health and wellness world. It involves using the power of vibration - from tuning forks, singing bowls, or gongs - to relax the mind and body. 🌻Breathwork is an intentional method of breathing that helps your body relax by bypassing your conscious mind. Trauma can overstimulate the body’s sympathetic nervous system (aka your body’s ‘fight-or-flight’ response). Breathwork settles it down. Informative videos and attachment trauma healing experts: 🌼Dr. Nicole LePera (theholisticpsychologist) - www.tiktok.com/@theholisticpsychologist 🌼Dr Kim Sage, licensed psychologist - www.youtube.com/@DrKimSage/videos 🌼Briana MacWilliam - www.youtube.com/@brianamacwilliam.attachment/videos 🌼Candace van Dell - www.youtube.com/@CandacevanDell 🌼Heidi Priebe - www.youtube.com/@heidipriebe1/videos 🌼 Understanding trapped emotions in the body and footage of how wild animals release trauma. - ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-GZw8fRPK-8k.html Other informative Videos on Trauma: 🌻Small traumas in a "normal" family and attachment: Gabor Maté - The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture - ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-ttu21ViNiC0.html 🌻Uncovering Triggers and Pattern for Healing: Dr Gabor Maté - ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-Z27ShqHksao.html 🌻Understanding trapped emotions in the body and footage of how wild animals release trauma - ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-GZw8fRPK-8k.html
I relate to this somewhat. I don't think my mother is narcissistic in the clinical sense, but she is strongly perfectionist and extremely critical, and yet she herself cannot entertain the mildest criticism or suggestion that maybe she didn't do something absolutely perfectly. All of my physical needs were met as a child. But despite her efforts in making sure that all of those things were perfectly organized, my childhood was still a chaotic unhappy mess. I didn't even realize that until well into adulthood because from the outside, everything would have looked great. In my teens and early 20s, I had this deep sense of guilt and shame for struggling as much as I was, because I believed that nothing bad had ever happened to me. In reality, I was profoundly emotionally neglected to the point of being ignored. I had a roof over my head, clean clothes, food on the table, yet in many ways I was completely on my own, especially in dealing with things that were far beyond my developmental abilities. Things that children shouldn't have to be navigating in the first place. I guess the anger I have to my mother is similar to yours in that way. I know we're all just people trying to figure it out, and that there's no such thing as a "perfect parent". I just wish that SHE could admit that. Like literally any expression along the lines of "even though I tried my very best, I recognize that it still wasn't always enough, and that in some ways, I failed you when you needed me. I'm sorry" like holy f*** how healing that would be But no. She did all the correct things so I have no right to be unhappy or struggle
@@JH-yj7kk you said that really well. That’s exactly how I felt. It was always like there was this emotional invisible wall up between my mother and me - but she was the only connection to emotional support I had any access to whatsoever. There was no support from anyone else. And I guess that’s what I feel angry and sad about. Anyway I felt bad about how harshly I described her in my op. You said it very well.
I have this attachment style and I had a relatively decent childhood. My mom had borderline personality disorder and my dad had mental issues as well. I definitely experienced neglect and emotional abuse. I always thought disorganized attachment developed out of extreme situations but.. I don’t really view my situation as that extreme yet I definitely have this. It’s such a challenge to live with.
Thank you for explaining this in such simple terms. As a person looking to work in the mental health field, I can see how the common "High 5" action could be misinterpreted.
I hadn’t made the connection. omg This would explain why I never responded with a high 5. It always seemed so distasteful, like “why does this person think they can do this to me?!” I don’t know what started it, but I’m old enough that high-5-ing wasn’t a thing, then it was. It was like if the world decided that spitting on someone’s face was the new greeting. I was criticized for being unfriendly. Well I feel a little better now.
My father acted like he wanted to attack me with an axe to frighten me. I was a small child. I felt like he wanted to kill me. After this moment nothing was the same.
I fought kids when I was a kid, until 7th grade. I wanted to be friends with a specific girl, but one day she was ignoring me. At first, maybe she couldn’t hear me, so I started grabbing her arm, shaking her. She still wouldn’t look over and I started punching her arm. She still didn’t look . I realized in the middle of it that no one else was hitting anyone. I was a little confused, but I stopped. I walked away. I’m pretty sure we never spoke again. I forget sometimes that I used to hit people. I wonder if cursing at someone is psychologically or neurologically an act of violence.
I misinterpret everythiiiiing it’s good awful and I have no regulatory system for my own emotions and I take on others emotions being disorganized is one of the most challenging parts to fix especially when it comes to relationships because a lot of people do not understand it
I have a huge crush on someone who is disorganized. She already canceled two of our dates (we have not met yet) but she has opened up to me a lot over text and says she “wants a bf” but is “skiddish”. Any advice for me? Im patient, but I’m also scared she’ll never give me a chance. She seems happy to text me. She’s also very poor at conversation so she says. I reeeaally like her tho
The fight response is terrifying. It explodes like a wild beast that is on the defense for survival, reacting to the sight of helplessness with blinding rage. Then when you try to get yourself back, you find yourself on the verge of losing consciousness.
You described me perfectly to a T. I've been dx'd with BPD but another mental health professional thinks I'm just dealing with trauma from abuse. It is what it is. I have a 4 week old daughter. Please please please help me. I don't want my daughter to have the disorganized trauma I deal with. i don't think I'd ever abuse her but I do look frightened quite often. I am hypervigilent. My mother was physically (was thrown down the stairs a few times, smacked, punched, hair) and emotionally abusive (called me useless and a cow a lot). My father was controlling and used religion to stiffle us by telling my brother and I that we were going to burn in hell constantly. Anyway, I don't want this for my daughter. Any resources to resolve my own trauma would be appreciated. I want her to have a decent, normal life that I never had. I cannot fuck up her life like my parents did mine. I cannot allow this. Someone please help.
Star Fiend forget the past what hapen to you I sujest only a good rligen like yahove withnesses can help you ,u can find them also in internet ,God bless you there in Christianity there is not hele
Dear Star Friend, this very instant you can give your daughter music. The very soft slow gentle music on YT Will do. Clean up your house, bring Christmas atmosphere in your house, encourage her to draw, write or read her sweet stories before going to bed... Invite now and then a friend of her from school to bake pancakes together. You can dress these pancakes with smiling faces. This visit Does not have to take long. Shut down the TV. Play with her, make a walk in the park, talk to her about her dreams. Tell her She is beautiful and good. Hug her, talk in a positive way. See the positive and make the positive as big as you can. It Will become bigger and bigger and the negative Will lose its space and become smaller and smaller... the moment you fight your own demons, put on soft sweet music from YT. Chopin, Mozart, Lovesongs. Last but not least ask for help to G-d, or the Universe, ask for guidance, lift your spirit upwards and never, ever give up Hope. This works. 🐣🎄🦋
It’s not what happens to us that messes us up as much as what we believe about ourselves and others as a result. Pay attention to the inner dialogue you have with yourself. I find whenever I have a negative emotion there is a negative belief about myself attached. So something happens and I feel stupid. The belief is I am stupid. But what is the truth? It feels true but it isn’t true. Then I replace that with a truth statement about myself like, “Reasonably intelligent people still make mistakes and I am a reasonably intelligent person, in fact there are a lot of things I can do very well.” I have to do this for each belief as I discover them and practice until it becomes automatic. Then when I get triggered my brain will follow the new path and I don’t stay stuck in the old broken beliefs. Better beliefs produce better results. You are a kind and caring person who had broken parents but you are aware and are making changes to become even better. Love the hurt child inside of you the same as you love your own child. Give the child inside permission to make mistakes and to grow and develop the same as you will do for your own. You are a survivor who is learning how to live. Let the little survivor inside you know that it can rest now and that you are going to do everything you can to take care of it’s needs. I wish you newfound joy on your journey of healing and restoration.
@@theTutenstien I wasn't abused and I know all different ages on tik tok asshole... you obviously know nothing about tiktok to sit there and talk shit about it
I was also viewing this in terms of neurodivergence as a decent amount of adhd have a more disorganized style, and then you try your best to get out of and expand beyond your issues and stuff and eventually get smacked down and make some mistake that leads to abandonment in something you poured yourself into and in the process of trying to fix your self it’s like you learn so much about people and trying to understand one self and them that the whole f’ing society dosent ever with any amount of research come off in a way that it’s going to meet any of your needs and just use you and spit you out and OMFG there is that side of the internet showing how women and men work, and that while it dosent show you how to have a secure attatchment in relationships(that’s important) even though it does talk a lot of truth of patterns, though can be a bit black and white, and then you you struggle with the fact that apparently you have to play office politics and learn that and then understanding the whole bio/psycho/social/cultural model of causation and then ignoring what the news says but understanding politics from that bio/psycho/social and evolutionary why, cognitive process, behavioral implementation in the physical and social enviroment and the odds are you are at home with one of the parents trying to figure all this out all the while the entire world has been turned into a 3d chess game that no body no institution no religion no country no nothing every gave you any help in navigating and it’s like some days your fighting to fix and others your hopeless and you occilate between a sort of fighting to fix and control what you can and find out what you can and shutting down with a why even try sort of learned helplessness. And it’s like the only option is to start your own company or completely homestead because “fuck others” despite being. hyper extravert, it’s like no end to this. But some things we can make more progress on. And it sucks when there are social skills you can learn that on average make things go better, but because nothing works with everybody 100% of the time, well odds are most things that work with many, don’t work with that one person you have in front of you to practice on.
And your source? Pete Walker has a book about this. One of my favorite. Freeze is a short term, instant response. Fawn is long term. More akin to stockholmes..
@@Lioness_of_Gaia Dan Siegel, the Developing Mind, specifically polyvagal stress responses. The reason this is described in terms of fight, flight, or freeze is based on our instantanious response to stress & the decreased capacity of our brains to function outside of these limited pathways. I believe fawning would be a long term habit or strategy for dealing with stress but isn't a characteristic of the polyvagal nerve response that temporarily arrests the full application of brain functioning in an alarming / stressful situation.
@@p.rabbitt4914 that was written in 2012.... I think I get your point, but don't feel that fawning should be left out due to how you specifically framed it. I am much more interested in getting useful information out to help people than in getting stuck on old paradigms and ego.
@@p.rabbitt4914 Now that I look, Pete Walker's book was only one year later..... Still, it bothers me when helpful info is "poo poo'd" in favor of semantics that fit old belief systems that seem more ego driven and self serving or coddling those who disdain cognitive dissonance instead of dishing out simple remedies to those who would rather watch a 10 minute video instead of read a book.
I LOVE the place from which Dr. Siegel is coming, however, people in the scientific field seem to almost exclusively focus on the brain and I would submit that until we include the heart, and, particularly the "second brain" in the conversation, we are missing some much deeper elements of emotional coherence
Thanks, Tsou, for your "thoughts" however, I believe from experience, that emotion is an energy emanating from the solar plexus that inspires the "head."
I don't really want to argue so this will be my last comment. I understand that you believe that, and you might have made a connection with whatever you have experienced, but many people's experience can say otherwise, we only have facts to look at to represent the world accurately because human's tendency to prescribe superstition that is inconsistent with other human beings leaks into our perception of reality. You can chose to believe what you want, but if you want to think critically and be taken seriously with your hypothesis and conclusions about your claim, you need facts. Science should and will reliably flush out superstition and ill-based conclusions with the scientific method. This is why science is our best attempt at understanding the world we live in. Regardless of what we feel about it. Bad ideas do not respond well to pressure and if you get anything out of this reply, it's that you could in your own time, pressure your own ideas. Only by failing to disprove your hypothesis, can you reliably conclude it's correct.
I never saw my parents talk without fighting not even once.. it was always very volatile and nasty to be around them. My sister never spoke to me and my brother cut me out of my life very early on.. what am I? I am In a good relationship but suffer from fear of criticism in any form.. What is my attachment?
Funny ,,, I love being alone...,,I have made my life great by myself and don't need my family, they have never abandoned me,, I have abandoned them for the reasons of abuse and telling me I am a loser...when in fact I have been very successful,, I live in the USA and they live in the UK.. I am not so much insecure more sensitive to criticism since I have had to prove myself so much so often alone. What is fear of criticism? is that an attachment style. I have accepted their rejection and don't fear it,,, but the criticism kills me.. the lies/assumptions about things they know nothing about! I fear being misunderstood. not rejected, they have done that already,
Yes, it definitely can. Although, most professionals would argue that emotional neglect IS abuse. In fact, studies have shown it to be a particularly insidious form of abuse that has a profound physiological and emotional impact on the "victim" later in life when compared to those who experienced physical or sexual abuse. Don't get me wrong, all types of abuse can have a devastating impact upon the recipients. But for years it was assumed that the most detrimental types, were those "obvious" types that left scars and could not be denied. It has been found that the resulting mental healh issues that arise from these types of abuses are more treatable due to their tangible nature (ie she actually has the physical scars to prove her particular brand of torture). Those that experience emotional neglect have no proof beyond their own memories and they are prone to gaslighting themselves as a result. Emotional neglect is often paired with having other physical needs met such as healthcare, education, clean house, nutritious food, birthday presents etc (think a parent with Narcissism or other severe mental health disorder who have a deep desire to paint a positive public personality, but who struggles to maintain these standards within the privacy of the family home). Having a childhood submerged in these constant conflicting narratives, can rewire a child in a most diabolical way. The evidence of which is often not apparent until many years later. As a result, it is becoming more and more apparent that emotional neglect (particularly during childhood years) can result in severe, difficult to treat mental health conditions in adulthood that require a lifetime of treatment.
Does someone know the effect of first scure attachment of a child, then loss of the father at 18 month and then loss of the mother at 23 month due to illegal child abduction abroad on the attachment system of the child?.
Read “The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog,” by Dr. Bruce Perry. He talks about a study of two different groups of children. The first had secure attachment for the first months of life, but then ran into much more difficult circumstances for years after. The second had insecure attachment for the first months of life, but then experienced significant improvement in their circumstances in the following years. Which group do you think did better later in life? The first group did. Those early months are very influential.
I just watched a video by Dr Daniel Brown. I don't know if you've heard of him. He claims they're developed techniques to heal . I just found out about it today and did an exercise/meditation called idealised parental imagination or something like that, which is supposed to to install a new positive attachment experience. His group also has a website called the Attachment Project.
I would highly recommend two books: "Running On Empty" by Dr. Jonice Webb, a nurturance/neglect book and "Trauma And Recovery" by Dr. Judith Herman, a trauma/recovery book These were eye-opening to me, maybe they will be for you, too.
So what is the point of pointing this out and not providing solutions? Humans seek healing. Spirit to spirit means God can help heal. Amen? Person to person means healthy relationships can enable healing.
