Dutch directness. Learn to deal with it 

Question: What are your thoughts on Dutch directness? Do you find it refreshing or off-putting?

Always find it very funny when people are upset with a direct answer to their own question. If you didn’t really wanted to know you shouldn’t have asked. 😊 The counterbalance is that an opinion on your glasses or hairstyle is not offered unsolicited because that would be rude, but if you ask. . . . . .

There are travel stories of foreigners in the Netherlands, dating back to the medieval times that say that Dutch are rude, (too) free and direct. It must be something much deeper than the 17th century. I do believe that this trait helped us to simultaneously combat water, the superpower Spain, and (on and off) England and France for 80 years and build up a worldwide trading (colonial) empire.

Die bril staat je goed 4:12 😎 Goed uitgelegd al waren wij vroeger niet zo heel lief toen we onderhand de halve planeet hadden gekaapt ;p

One thing about making assumptions: use the Dutch NIVEA acronym (named after a famous hand lotion brand): Niet Invullen Voor Een Ander. Meaning: don't assume someone opinion or motivation, ask instead.

Well spoken 👍👍👍

Being part of a significant group, no matter how much it may contribute, buys you no kudos - you said it at 01:10 ff, we're individuals, and no matter if in your culture you wear shoes indoors, you don't get to do that in my house.

Good vlog! Yes we are direct, so most friends (expats) I know don't find a prblem! 👍

Nice video straight to the point keep going 🍀🍀🍀🍀💯

Good video, for once I actually agree with you. Good tips on how to deal with it for immigrants. I like that you made an effort to dig deeper. Here are some extra truths: there are layers of directness. A lot depends on how things are said. Tone and expression makes all the difference. Some things are said in a way not to hurt your feelings, whilst others aren’t, then it’s considered rude. Some are considered funny and some sarcastic. Expats may find this confusing and take offense, and sometimes they maybe insulted without knowing it.

Thanks for the vid. I often find non-direct people wasting me time and losing the goal of communicating. Last month I asked my team manager to write less text for tasks. Now I’m making TL;DR (too long don’t read) digest for his long paragraphs. His spend time writing long tasks, I spend time deciphering them and writing a TL;DR.

“We draaien niet om de doekjes heen. “ ❤😂

I believe you overlooked egalitarianism in the Dutch historic perspective, nobility has been more and more sidelined since the Middle-Ages, beginning in Flanders but wet lands and nobility and classism don't match very well. Germans also believe they are direct, but not to their boss because they have very hierarchical work relations. This is particularly relevant for expats because the alternative for directness is complicated difficult social rules, the art of reading minor details in facial expression and intonation, the art of beating around the bush, these are difficult skills learned from a young age and therefore allow upper class people to identify people who fail at it as lower class, 'not one of us' and exclude. Imagine being an immigrant and having to learn al these complicated social rules of communication to function... So especially immigrants should appreciate the directness and not moan about hurt feelings, it's only feelings that get hurt, nothing really happened. Walk it off, it's a non event. Getting nowhere because you don't master the complicated communication rules, now that does hurt your career and your happiness. Don't know how the economic contribution of expats is an argument, it's most likely a net loss and if you break a window that isrepaired it contributes to the GDP too, but what's in it for us? We already do speak English to accomodate expats and pay more for our housing and lots of other stuff. No, I'm not prepared to pussyfoot around potentially hurt feelings or meet in de middle, take it or leave it. There are billions of earthlings that would like to live in the Netherlands, it's not a buyer's market.

being direct makes life so much easier. if you care for someone, respect someone and definetly if you love someone, i think you can and should always be clear, honest and direct to them. if they dont like your awnser, then maybe they shouldn't have asked. assuming your intentions are good and pure off course. me myself would always pick a hard truth above a sweet lie and a clear awnser or opinion above an awnser or opinion that i will have to interpret for myself how it was actually meant and hope i get it right. as long as you are not rude and you do not constantly give your opinion about anything without being asked, you can never be to direct. i thought you said expats represent 70 % off the country's workforce but i probably heard it wrong.. you said 17 %, didn't you?

Got an issue: get a tissue ❣️

Our language has harsh sounds (also a little depending on the Dutch regional location), our communication style can be harsh; we/the culture for example uses diseases as curse words. It's part of the harsh reality and truth of life. Living here was harsh, batteling the sea and "winning" was a harsh life. It is what it is. There are also parts of the Netherlands with also Dutch culture that has this to a lesser degree. Take the word: Kanker (lekker), in Limburgs this sounds different and also feels different. Het bekt niet "zo lekker". This is more a thing from Holland and probably mostly south with the rrrrrrolling R. Because when I play this in my mind - people saying this, the R is rolling. However this is also not said in all occasions or settings. It all depends and mostly with the personal enviroments being raised with. Not just for the Dutch, but in general with humanity. Through internal contact we like all cultures share things with each other. Why that is Dutch, as the same in Germany is German? National identities. German directess. Individualism is more dependent on identities. What is yours, not that of your community; whO aRe yoU? I use U a lot especially while in service and with strangers, people older than me, etc. Dank U wel, alst U blieft (alstublieft vs alsjeblieft) I also use sorry a lot, I can say sorry for saying sorry - Example: If you tell me not to say sorry; I will say: Sorry for saying sorry. Language is there to express ourselves, our thoughts and feelings - maybe a different word from a different language feels better, nicer: Mercy. I also use mercy a lot. Or just put words together; Valse fokhond. I once got mad at a person (a boy bothering a girl sexually) and said this; people went what did you say, and it caught on for a moment. The words already existed in Dutch, them being used in that way was not that common. Vals here is not just fake but agressive in meaning. Like a valse hond. Fok is breed so a breeding dog... Fok is also related to the English Fuck, or vice versa. So Valse Fokhond was a two layerd insult. As a fake breeding dog, and as an agressive "dog" that only wants to fuck. When men are behaving as dogs, women are behaving as bitches.

I'm dutch. I wouldn't just go around tell someone's hair is ugly, but if my sister would ask how I find her new haircut, I would probably say something like 'Well, I liked the other haircut better'. I think that's how far our directness goes whereas an american would tell a lie in this case, I guess.

Rudeness and testing the water - het water testen. How far can you go? Where is the personal line and boundary of that person. If you want to get to know a person and how they are; how far you can go with them, up to here and not further. This is a way to establish that. If you went to far - the directness implies this will be communicated back, and you can real in. Or you agree to disagree, you agree that you got different views/opinions; are different persons - and call it a day, no hard feelings, only clearity on where you both stand.

16th century Dutch, so it depends on how you view the Netherlands; 1. as is now. 2. as was then. 16th century Netherlands was including Belgium and Luxemburg. The majority of this Netherlands was not Protestant, the south was and is traditionally Catholic. As the Roman Empire limes also show in very large parts. There are connections to all that. Dutch history begins with Roman colonisation.

Nice video, so if I ask you for your opinion I want to know your opinion not some cotton candy version of your opinion because you want to please me with assumptions and socialisations. Its your opinion. Or vice versa it's my opinion. Opinions can change, its not that personal it says more about the person giving the answer. Example; "do you like my haircut": It's not my favorite, I liked the previous one better... things like this one could hear, say more about the opinion rather than if your haircut is wrong, of messed up, or anything personal. If you take it that personal that is something you need to reflect on yourself.

One thing that really baffles me is this common Dutch attitude that everything else beyond the Dutch style of communicating is just fake and dishonest. I mean my culture, the Finnish one, isn't at all like the American or British culture, where more indirect interaction is favored, but still Dutch culture sounds too overly direct and harsh for me as well. Granted, we here wouldn't even ask if a new haircut we got was looking nice, we don't exactly have that kind of a culture, but if someone were to ask, I wouldn't say that it's horrible or even that I don't like it. I don't know what I would say, as something like that never gets asked, but I'd at least try to be somewhat soft in my answer, as who am I to say that it's bad - am I the authority on haircuts? That person probably is in need of personal affirmation for asking such a question, so I don't want them to feel like crap, when they probably are not up to having that kind of an answer at all. But I do get the Dutch sentiment about these cultural issues, I just meant to say that there are other cultural practises than the overly indirect anglo-american way and then super direct Dutch way. But often these things are discussed in on either-or way, forgetting that there are lots of other ways of communication.

You're too kind, when the questions get too direct the response may be, is that any of your business?

It's not either/or. We Dutch are simply direct AND rude‼️ Get over it. 😂. I did.

Rude, I think!

Dutch here: boring subject & who cares?