easing back into things (post depressive episode) | WEEKLY VLOG | Rhiannon Ashlee 

As someone who suffers with their mental health, thank you so much for speaking so openly about it all. Sending lots of love 💕

It's so lovely that delilah gets to see you and Doug being affectionate to each other. I think lots of parents feel awkward about it but I think it teaches them positive perceptions of good relationships ❤

Something a friend told me that completely revolutionized how I feel when I have a mental “setback” is that our mental health journey is not like climbing a mountain, it’s like climbing a mountain range which has multiple peaks and valleys in between; so even if you “fall down” and feel like you’re back at square one, you aren’t, you are just in a new valley, but not back at the beginning of the journey. ❤ None of your progress has been erased and the victories of previous “peaks” still stands, all the skills you used to reach your last peak, you still know and can use as you tackle the next mountain in the range! Also, as far as knitting goes, as a fellow knitter, love the content and would love more! I have knitted for years and never attempted a garment 😮 so kudos to you! Loved the blog & can’t wait for more.

when you said "i dont like myself when I'm like this" i felt that so hard! thank you for being so open and sharing your experience, i know a lot of people will resonate with it (myself included) & feel they are not alone in their struggles, especially when you manage to put things into words that a lot of us have floating around in our heads and can't make sense of. thank you for taking the time to share your week with us despite your struggles

As much as it must be hard for you to film when you’re feeling like this… I never ever find it boring watching your day to day life. It makes me realise I don’t have to go out here and there every day. I really enjoy just listening to you talk about your day, your thoughts and just watching you around the house.

I have recently learnt to ask, "did you want me to listen and hold space, or did you want my opinion". It is such a game changer in communication, that I wish I had learnt earlier. I appreciate your honesty and openness. You will be helping many feel less alone. Thank you for sharing the bits of your life you feel comfortable sharing, whilst also respecting your own boundaries. We will always be here to support you, in all seasons of life ❤

As someone who also struggles mental health wise I find your openness and honesty so abundantly heartwarming, refreshing and wonderful. I really hope things get better your end, love your vlogs Rhiannon xx

A Rhiannon bingo full score ✅ Been to an exercise class ✅ Made lunch/dinner ✅ Made a coffee ✅ Shown us a plant/flower ✅ Worn the classic Lululemon leggings + a gorgeous knit ✅ Used her always plan It's good to have you back 💪

Depressive episodes are your body (nervous system) being stuck in the ‘dorsal vagal’ response (freeze) for a long time. Our brain struggles to produce the dopamine as a reward for when we do tasks, making doing anything feel impossible. Learning all of this helped me be 1) less scared of when it happened and 2) SO much more kind to myself because I understood my body was trying to protect me. Even if it feels so frustrating. I so get what you are feeling. It’s so great you can pinpoint the decline of your mental health when you were a child. It gives you a blue print and an idea of maybe where to start healing some trauma so your nervous system won’t react like this forever. It’s fixable ❤️ a long journey to rewire our brains! Be gentle with yourself. And if you can’t, pretend you’re speaking to one of us. I know it would be all kindness and understanding. I’m sending little Rhiannon that still lives within you a huge hug.

Genuinely you have no idea how much conversations like this helps me. I have several mental health conditions and your openness helps me feel less alone xxx

I'm so glad you feel better, we missed you here ❤

Hi Rhiannon, I just want to say that it is not boring or bad that you are speaking about the times when you’re feeling low. On the contrary, i think it’s so good and it makes your life/vlogs much more realistic to me as a long time viewer since like 2010-2011. I also struggle a lot with my mental health and it is so hard to explain and usually people who don’t suffer from it will not understand. I felt closer to you that you have shared this with us! :) Hope you start feeling much better soon!

I suffered from depression for years and I am so thankful to you for talking so about it. I also love to see you working around the kitchen and just your everyday life. You ae amazing and beautiful and I am so very glad to see you back.

Currently going through a depressive episode after a huge panic attack, and feeling upset with myself for letting it get that back, hearing you talk about it reminds me mental health recovery isn’t linear 💕💕💕

Rhiiiiii this is exaaaaactlyyyy the kind of vlog we want!! You are so honest and kind, even if you sat in the car for 30 minutes crying and talking about your life I would watch!:D cause our suffering is what unites us as humans. You are awesome the way you are, sorry that you’re struggling but you can always share with us!!:) xxx

Long term viewer here 😊, I’ve never heard anyone explain mental health struggles in such a way, this mirrors how I have felt for many years. Thank you for sharing, you’ve been so missed & wishing I could give you a big hug 🤍

I've been stuck in the mud for the most part the year - really lovely to hear from you. Hope you are feeling better xx

i have been watching your videos for nearly (or at least) a decade now and despite our lives looking so different (i’m single in the US living alone) i’ve always found and felt such a connection to you rhiannon! and when you speak about your mental health my heart just pours out to you. nothing more relatable than really just needing to not cry in the parking lot 💛 thank you always for sharing even when it’s hard, i hope you know how much we adore you and are grateful for these peeks into you and your beautiful family’s life, and i hope so much goodness and light rushes in for you so soon!

Your explanation of the after effects of a depressive episode (playing catch up and feeling disappointed etc) was so well articulated. Thank you for sharing that. I’m glad you’re feeling better now and sending you lots of love xxxx

I know you mention how a lot of your vlogs feature you making lunch but I just want to thank you for it. As someone who sometimes struggles with food, I always find it comforting seeing you be completely neutral about it and making things you enjoy x ❤

It's so refreshing seeing someone I can relate to so much. I've watched you for year's well before you had Delilah. I turn 28 in 3 weeks time and life isn't where I want it to be but after so many years of being diagnosed with anxiety at 19 then depression in my 20's. I am now on the road of being assessed for ADHD and ASD like you said it's never a step back no matter what you have your times where it's a rollercoaster but I guess that's what life is!! We can do it😊 sending my love 🥰

I’m really happy to see your vlogs back again🤍 This vlog made me feel coziness and warmth, and I really hope you will get better as soon as possible!

Stopping at like 6min in to tell you the transitions while you were pottering with the washing and on the computer are just 👌🏼👌🏼 i have missed you! Welcome back ❤

I’m so deeply sorry you’ve been struggling; as someone who has dealt / is dealing with years of chronic anorexia and all the anxiety that comes with it, my heart breaks for you - I empathise, especially the “secondary effects” of mental illness, and just want to reach through the screen and give you a hug. Thank you for talking about it, vulnerable as it makes you feel. It’s so easy to assume others - particularly in the online space - have it all. How are you doing now, if you don’t mind me asking? I so hope things feel a little lighter. You’ve heard this before, I’m sure, but remember dark times DO pass, and you have a whole online community (myself included!) sending you so much love 💕 Slightly unrelated, but I think I saw you around a month or so ago - I almost said hi, but didn’t want to impose! Do you prefer people respecting your privacy off camera, or is it okay to say hello? Just thought I’d check, as I can imagine it’s pretty anxiety-provoking having strangers approach you randomly on the street haha xx

The parts you feel are repetitive are my favorite. I love seeing you cook and i am a sucker for coffee segments

Thank you for not making depression look cute and trendy! xx

Feeling so many emotions hearing someone else struggling with the same emotions I’m currently experiencing

I've had the worst morning and just stumbled upon your latest vlog and its really made me feel less alone. Thank you for putting the hard bits out there

I can honestly say. This conversation in your room about mental health WAS very comforting. You’ve put into words, a lot of what I was unable to explain. Never considered the secondary emotions and how it’s not just sadness for depression. Thanks hun. I am really fond of you and I hope you know you are enough always, take it a day at a time x

It’s so comforting seeing people openly talk about the same things I’m going through, you’re so brave Rhiannon . Thank you

Thank you so much for your candid chat about mental health. I think I'm similar to you - I was about 12 when it started. I nearly teared up a bit when you talked about feeling like your mental health had stolen things from you, because I've never heard anyone talk about this and it is exactly how I feel. Thank you for being so open!

Hi Rhiannon I’m going to a depressive episode myself at the moment. Listening to you talking about this so openly makes me feel like I am not alone, it sounds cliché but just so true. Talking about it so openly already helps so so much. We all love you, all the best from Belgium ❤️

SO proud of you for talking about this. I'm having a huge relapse back into horrible mental health after being well for so long, just like you're describing and I feel so reassured hearing you saying basically the exact feelings I'm having. You're somehow the most relaxing yet creative, and interesting person I watch on here. So just want to say that you being exactly you, and how you're feeling at the moment is just what I like! (and apparently need atm)

Oh my goodness, Rhiannon I used to follow you years ago, I don’t even know if Delilah had been born yet when I last followed you. So glad to have found your channel again ❤ Lots to catch up on! (And for what it’s worth, I LOVE THE KNITTING CONTENT TOO!)

Honestly I love when you’re honest with how you are doing mental health wise. Hearing you describe how you struggle I realize that I feel the exact same way. I’ve also been feeling off this year as well and it’s nice to know I’m not alone in that struggle. Thank you for being open with us because I know that you deal with some backlash for it sometimes but I find it oddly comforting. I’ve been missing you so I’m glad you’ve uploaded :)

I know exactly how you’re feeling, shocked at how accurate your description of these feelings is to my own ❤

I miss your vlogs when you are not uploading but it’s great that you are taking brakes and do what’s best for you. Sending lots of love! Thank you for being real :)

Always love your videos, no matter what they are ❤

I love the idea of it being described as stuck in the mud. That’s exactly how it feels. You want to do so much but you’re stuck in the mud (under the duvet, on the sofa for me) and can’t do anything on your todo list. It is definitely hard to describe it those around. I love listening to you talk about it, really liked how you described the experience you go through during your down days x

Lovely to see you back, really enjoyed seeing your knitting! I was thinking of knitting the same November Knits sweater! Your knitting is really good considering you haven’t been doing it that long! Impressive ❤ thanks again

I totally relate to alot of this, when we are so depressed we just zone out on everything but will get something done if it is a big must then fade back out again. Sending you a lot of love, be kind to yourself always no matter what you're going through🫂❤

So happy you’ve uploaded! You were the first RU-vidr I saw ever talk openly about their mental health and having you continue to talk about it and have that level of honesty is so appreciated. I’m a mum and suffer with depression too, it can feel so lonely but when you talk about it it reassures me that I’m not alone and that you want to help people and bring that kindness and understanding in your videos, I really hope with time you find more joy in your everyday, thank you Rhiannon 💕

Thanks so much for opening up Rhiannon 🥹 for someone who suffers from anxiety/agoraphobia. I feel alone, in it. I’m always trying and it’s reassuring to know others feel the same. Your vlogs are so calming, you are kind and make me feel comforted ❤xx

I love how openly you talk about the depression you go through. I’ve never thought about motivation like that but it really does explain a lot. I really admire you a lot and learn a lot from you and through watching your videos! 😊

You’re not going off on a tangent in a bad way at all :) it’s so lovely to hear you talking about this as it makes us all feel normal too - a lot of us have the exact same thoughts you do and relate to what you’re saying - you’re right it’s extremely refreshing and thank you so much for deciding to talk about this. It truly helps - I feel so less alone ! ❤

All day I've been looking forward to snuggling in front of the telly with you tonight. So lovely to see you back Rhiannon, but so sorry you have been struggling. My heart goes out to you. Love the knits, well done. Take care ❤

Glad you back. Missed the videos

Love having you back with us ❤ would love to hear more about your therapist and your journey with therapy!

What you shared is so relatable Rhiannon - I felt emotional and relieved listening to it. Thank you for sharing about your depressive season. I could relate to so much of it! Especially the part about feeling shame towards the fact; you know you're capable but your mental state has wiped it away and feels like such a barrier. I have found comfort in watching your vlogs around the home (cleaning, being, making, doing, creating) as many people find comfort in that, or don't show these sides of life but they make up alot of our lives; the home times, the alone times. Cheerleading you on as a follower in this next season! I hope summer blesses you with hope, momentum in a new life giving rhythm and you can find your beauty in all the sides to you and your life

I'm so sorry that you feel this way, I unfortunately completely understand the feeling. You really eloquently describe exactly how it feels and knowing that others also feel the same, comforts me in a way that I am not alone. I understand that making videos must be hard, but know that they help so many people. Sending all my love, take it easy and take good care of yourself

Welcome back Rhiannon. Nice to see your face. I know everyone will comment on the mental health talk, and I admire you for being open about it, but I really want to focus on happy sided too. So happy to hear all about you wedding preparations and that you have settled on most of them. I am pretty sure it will turn out great.

It was such a lovely surprise to see that you’ve uploaded this Sunday morning 🥹 PLEASE continue talking about your mental health I can relate so much to you in so many points (Same goes for knitting, literally knitting while watching the vlog haha)

Rhiannon, you’re so beautiful inside and out! Thank you for sharing and normalizing and putting this “stuck in the mud” feeling into words. Helps to not feel so alone in a feeling that is so lonely. Sending lots of love and hugs 💕

I can’t thank you enough for uploading this video and talking so honestly about your issues. I’m going thru almost all what you just mentioned only you were able to put those strange feelings and emotions into words. Physically and mentally I feel attacked by my own body all the time.; there are good days and days like the last couple of months were everything is hurting. Thank you so much and I do hope we can overcome all of this. 💕🌷☺️

So good to see you back! Take care Rhiannon !!😘😘😘

Thank you for being so brave and talking openly about your struggles 💕. So happy you uploaded, I missed your vlogs

we don't expect you to be perfect, you're amazing. thank you for opening up. one thing that helps me is remembering that nothing is forever, these moments and periods of times that are hard won't last forever and the better times will come back around. hang in there, love you!

Thank you for sharing how you feel, I suffer with depression and anxiety. I struggle quite a lot with keeping myself going sometimes at work I have to nip to the loo for privacy to get myself together as I can't break down in front of customers. Please never apologise for the way you feel it must be so difficult to be in front of a camera and put yourself out there when your struggling. It is lovely to have you back. Your a breath of fresh air ❤️❤️ xx

Thank you for posting about your depression. I really needed to hear it from someone else as I feel quite alone when I'm feeling depressed and like no one else feels this way. I've had a bad day today and this has just made me realise that I'm not alone and it's normal to feel this way. So thank you and please speak more about it as you really helped me today ❤

Aw Rhiannon I’m so sorry you’ve been struggling recently. I rarely comment but I always watch your videos and I really needed this one tonight. Giving a voice to emotions and things happening in your head gives them a lot less power and that’s how this video has made me feel. Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. I really hope things feel lighter soon 💕💕

When you had tears in the car I felt that I don’t know what it is but since the start of this year I feel so lost and sad. Sometimes I’m in the car driving or making dinner and just tear up. I find everything in a weird place right now in the world. I try to appreciate the mundane things in life more and be thankful for what I have and how far I’ve come. I hope you continue vlogging because your vlogs provide me with so much joy, it’s like catching up with a old friend from a long time ago. Sending positivity and sunshine your way!

Thank you for openly speaking about having depression, it really helps me as a fellow affected person. Depression is a life threatening disease even though people without the necessary knowledge still call it being lazy. I can relate to all the things you've mentioned. On some of my worst days, I couldn't even get up to prepare meals for myself, it was just too much. I really hope you will get better soon! Just know, even on your worst days, you're not alone ❤

As someone who also suffers from depression, I can completely relate to what you say. Thanks for talking openly about it. It makes us feel less alone but I do hope it helps you feel less alone too. Sending you lots of love, I hope you feel better soon and you can get back x100 all the comforting feelings you give us with your vlogs. ❤

My mental health has taken a dive since becoming a mom. I’ve had panic attacks that had caused my husband to stay home from work cause he didn’t want to leave me alone with our son and it’s so saddening. This made me feel less alone. thank you for sharing and being so open ❤️

Hey Rhiannon, thank you for being so openly honest and vulnerable in this vlog. It shows how strong you are. Thank you for sharing and making so many people feel seen in their own pain. Thank you thank you. I hope you’re offering yourself lots of love and warmth these days. My heart is with you ❤. You are wonderful.

thank you Rhiannon, from my heart. I really felt seen and understood. Thank you

I want to watch your vlogs whatever you feel like and it helps me a lot to hear about how you are doing.

Made my morning to see you back vlogging! Sorry you've been struggling, from the comments here you know you're not alone. No advice here, I just relate so much. I've struggled since childhood too and I think at 32 I've only just accepted that I need to look after myself constantly, even when I'm feeling good and think I'm managing, if I push myself too much because I'm currently coping, that'll soon turn to me not coping and I'll spiral.

Hey, I have had trouble with depression caused by chronic health issues, and thanks for talking about it. I relate so much to what you were saying about not having motivation and the secondary frustration with yourself, it feels so good to know I’m not the only one I see/watch videos from that struggles.

knitting really helped me when I was in my bad depressive states it gave me something to focus on that was productive. also if you have an ipad I highly recommend downloading your knitting patterns on good notes and then its just easier to take with you when knitting on the go!

I definitely understand what you’re going through as I’ve been through this so many times myself. We would all watch you do anything but also if you need breaks we also understand. It’s important to rest when you need it ❤

Thank you so much for sharing so vulnerably. I struggle with my mental health quite a bit and have also struggled since I was a child. Last year was a particularly tough year and I really relate to your thoughts about “playing catch-up” and all of the secondary emotions that come with going through something like that. I also feel like it has taken quite a bit from me but it’s so helpful to know that we’re not alone in these things. I’m very grateful for what you shared. Thank you 😊💕

Sending so much love. I totally get you. My mental health is a part of me and I’ve been coming to terms with that but when it’s bad it’s so frustrating to think about the person you would be without it. It’s also important to remember that the progress you talked about last year did happen and you are capable of that, and that’s a good sign.

Favorite video of yours. So relatable and real. Thank you for sharing! I’ve seen this video many times and it always helps me.

It is refreshing to see you be honest with why you’ve been gone. I got the impression from most of your content that you wanted to portray a perfect life. I was convinced your life was ideal.

Oh Rhiannon my heart goes out to you. As someone who has dealt with depression and anxiety for a lot of my life, and chronic illness as well I definitely can relate to everything that you said. I really wish I could say something that could offer some sort of comfort or relief, and I wish no one would have to go through this. I wish I could just give you a hug. I know how depression can make everything look pointless (and I've been feeling that a lot lately too), and I don't know if this helps at all but I wanted to just say that your vlogs have inspired me when I've felt low, have made me smile on an otherwise very rough day, have made me feel less alone...and I know how very real that pointless feeling is (and I would never want to dismiss that), but I just want to say that what you do isn't pointless, it's making others feel seen, it's creating a safe space for others to be inspired or find joy or comfort or understanding-- and that's what you've created over all these years, and that is so incredibly valuable and important. You are incredibly valuable and important. I know that depression usually makes that so impossible to feel about ourselves, but it's true. Wishing and hoping all the best for you 🤍🤍🤍 And if anyone else reads this comment, I hope it reminds you that you are worthy, incredibly valuable and you matter so so much.

Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing. Missed you on here ❤

Hello love! You are incredible for sharing your mental health journey and so many, including myself, will resonate and feel less alone. I went through a similar episode this time last year. I experienced a lot of change and where I would usually cope with it, I simply couldn’t. I decided to seek help and at the time I didn’t feel like it was working and I had countless people say ‘you won’t feel like this forever’ which was so frustrating as I felt so stuck in the mud!! A year later, I’m the best I have ever been. If I have a wobbly in a day, I wont write off the whole day and call it a bad day like I used to. You will get there I promise, sending lots of love x

I really get you when you mentioned your self esteem and then the instant tears after you said it. It's such a struggle, it just feels like a mountain to try go over it. Sometimes I know it's because of my low self esteem I feel certain ways and feel guilt, but I don't know how to change it. Sending my love and wanted to say I love the vlog too xx

You are such a beautiful person ❤️. You are also so brave to talk about your struggles. You have helped myself and so many others learn that we are not alone. Have you ever tried meditation? Just try it for a few minutes each day - meditations that focus on anxiety and self worth. You can find many on you tube. It helped me so much. Take care. ❤❤

Hearing you speak felt like I was listening to myself, thank you for sharing and being so open it makes me feel less alone, heard and feelings validated. THANK YOU !!!

thank you for being honest, just being who you are

Was lovely to see this post today! I suffer from OCD and depression and have done for as long as I can remember. I really can relate to how isolated and hopeless mental illness can make you feel. I find the ins and outs of what I deal with hard to discuss with a lot of people, because of judgement and ignorance most of the time, but you are not alone and nobody owes anyone anything! Take care of yourself, it’s a process! 💕 Sending love x

Sending you so much love Rhiannon ❤ I also have depression and anxiety, and have done for as long as I can remember. Like you It can be up and down. I find my hormones can be a huge influence too. Thank you for opening up. I feel so much less alone and I relate to all that you say. Be kind to yourself xxx

Thank you for creating a space where people can feel comfortable talking openly about their mental health struggles. I can't tell you how many times i have tried to explain why i am depressed or anxious to my friends or family, and just end up giving up and smiling through it. It is not all cookie cutter symptoms and remedies. Thank you for making me feel "normal" and seen ❤❤

I have come to realise that i have struggles with my mental health and had no idea but it came really vivid when everything is okay in my life and sometimes I wake up with this feeling “ I’m sad and i don’t know why” so I stayed in my bed and out of a sudden I can’t find motivation to do the things I love the most doing

Absolutely love your vlogs and appreciate how open and honest you are.

Thank you Rhiannon ❤ I've never been diagnosed with anxiety but I'm starting to realise at 28 it probably is something I struggle with. Your chat made me cry because it resonated so much. Definitely glad you talked about it, but also totally get what you mean about it feeling cringy! Really missed your vlogs, happy robe you again 😊

oh my gosh Rhiannon, I also have anxiety and depression and your words resonate so much with me. The hopelessness and sense of frustration with yourself are both something I really struggle with too. It's so hard when the dark clouds descend and everything seems pointless/bad, I almost never notice it happening until I feel the sun shining back through weeks later! Thank you for being so open - removing the stigma and making people feel less alone is so powerful! xx

Yep, I fully understand, as someone who also suffers from anxiety and depression. Some days I have trouble getting out of bed.

Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your tough times. You are so worthy and loved and appreciated. X

your hope to be helpful to someone happened -this helped me more than i can put into words. thank you

Perfect Sunday cleaning watch ❤ I have missed your uploads x

You described what it’s like to have depression so so well, I’m exactly the same and have been since I was about 18 (I’m 27 now). Thankfully, I restarted medication recently which has helped a lot! Thank you for making me feel less alone xxx

Thank you Rhiannon for opening up and being vulnerable on camera that would have been a difficult decision to make, and we appreciate your vulnerability. As someone how has a long list of mental health struggles I see you and I feel your pain, just like you I have tried several medications and I tried different forms of therapy and depression comes and goes, leaving me mentally disabled to just function and get by. I often feel like I just ride the wave, I’ll come out to the other side eventually so I just try to be gentle and patient with myself. I send you a big hug and take your time coming back fully, in the same why you’ll take time off if your sick, mental illness it’s the same ❤

Oh my Goodness. This resonates so much. I'm 53 and have suffered with depression and anxiety for many years also. Yep, being "inside" your head so much of the time is no fun. I think the weather this year, especially here in The South West has not helped me this year. The feelings of procrastination and helplessness can sometimes be overwhelming as you say. It's wonderful to see you back and has taken such courage and reserves of strength. Here's to feeling stronger and happier in our own skin as the summer hopefully comes in. X

THIS is exactly how I have felt recently, and I haven’t wanted to speak about it. Thank you for being a voice that some people need. It’s hard to speak about it, and you have shared it publicly, which a lot of people are grateful for. Sending you love

So happy to see the notification that you’d uploaded!! I have been rewatching some of your older videos and was wondering if you were ok. Thank you so much for talking so openly about your mental health it really makes me feel less alone and more normal. Sending lots of love 🤍🤍🤍

Appreciate your vulnerability in this vlog and sending you love. Looking forward to seeing you around here again!

It’s really refreshing to hear someone talk to openly about their struggles with mental health. I struggle with depression and anxiety as well and have been told by doctors that they would never put me on antidepressant since I’m so young (19) and that go take a walk and you’ll be fine. I would love to hear some tips you’d have more anxiety, depression or overthinking that have helped you. I hope everything is starting to look up and your sun comes out💛