I actually made a friend like this in high school. We gave each other weird looks for a few weeks when we first met and never talked, then we realized we had friends in common so we had to talk it out, and the conversation pretty much went like this: "Why are you giving me weird looks did I do something?" "Wait I thought *you* were giving me weird looks." **laughter** **friendship ensues**
Thanks for sharing that story! It's amazing what we can find out when we actually talk to each other instead of making assumptions. I feel like that was especially true for me in high school.
I am actually going through Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT), and the core tenant is a things called a "stuck point". It's like an assumption you make that you never question, and then it shapes the way you live your life - often without us even being aware of it. CPT is a trauma therapy, but it's all based on making negative assumptions!!! Seek to make neutral ones. Use brainstorming to your advantage!
Most people always assume. It's a common issue thought people generally do not think through.. they don't even know it's a problem and they don't know how they're hurting other people. I was listening to some music and I randomly thought of the phrase "stop assuming" I was really hoping that I would come across a video like this.
Definitely! It's really easy to think we have the whole picture or correct interpretation when a lot of times it's dead wrong. A lot of times it's fine, but there are a good number of times it's detrimental to relationships or those around us. Thanks for the comment!
This video has really shown me a lot I was doing wrong. My girlfriend who loved me a lot got tired of my constant assumptions and then me being judgemental afterwards instead of calmly getting more information I don’t blame her tho I got so toxic and unbearing just wish I realized this sooner
It's tough to realize what went wrong in retrospect, but respect for looking at new ideas and strategies for moving forward. It will help you a lot in the future. Good luck!
I like your idea about brainstorming and not going on first assumption. (Thinking things out.) I often have people making assumptions about me just like you're saying. I don't always say, "Hi in the morning" for 2 reasons. 1) is that the kind of work I do requires a lot of concentration, since it's very complex and often deals with problems I need to solve with our system. 2) I don't want people to think I am watching what time they come and go. I too make assumptions and then feel like a complete "looser/heel" when I find out I'm completely wrong. One actually happened today. We had a job posting in our department in an area that is always touted as being "the most important area" since they work with the public. Every meeting we are told how difficult and important their job is without actually giving examples. This makes everyone else feel that their job is viewed as less important and demanding. When I saw the start time and the end time of the new position as being on the half hour, I assumed they were at work less time than everyone else. Either the start time should be on the hour or the end time should be on the hour. I made a complete fool of my self, then finally sat down and did the math. Yes the hours were incorrect, but in the opposite direction. The person in the new position would have had to work more hours than everyone else. The hours did have to be corrected, but not in the way I had originally perceived. I had to eat humble pie. So yeah, I have to learn to step back and try to view the situation from all angles. Thanks for the vid.
I'm pretty sure all of us create and experience poor assumptions at one time or another. Slowing down helps a lot, but a big piece is also being able to admit when the initial assumption was wrong. Thanks for sharing your story!
Yesterday, in the car my daughter told me and others times. Stop assuming shit! I thought what did I said? I asked her and I realized it was just trying to help her. I get hurt and sad with myself when I came across in a wrong way. Today, your video help me me TREMENDOUSLY! I change my thinking and work marvelous! It even felt some sense of self-respect and peace of mind. I will woke up practicing your content and suggestions on your comments like “Slowing down helps” I must need that. Thank you so much! Sharing this video... ✌🏼👏🏻
O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin. And do not spy or backbite each other. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his brother when dead? You would detest it. And fear Allah ; indeed, Allah is Accepting of repentance and Merciful. Quran (49:12)
It is definitely good to be mindful of making assumptions. Being an emotional grown ups means asking respectful clarifying questions when negative feelings come up. On the flip side, I have experienced people using the concept of assumptions as an excuse to avoid something. "Oh I just assumed you were busy". This may be true, or just a way of hiding disinterest or avoiding something. You can always feel whether it is a true assumption or a dishonest avoidance.
I remember when I was in foster care and every time I told someone that, they would automatically assume that my biological parents were dead. I would always have to clarify that both of my parents were still alive. I just wasn’t living with either one of them and neither were my 2 siblings. My siblings were in foster care too at the time.
Wow. That's potentially pretty bad, could have easily been a sensitive subject for you. Thanks for sharing the story, really shows why it's important to ask questions instead of just assume what's going on.
I made assumptions today about people/places and I feel bad. I am sorry to anyone that I ever made assumptions about/talked about behind their backs, made fun of and for anything else.
It’s a normal impulse we all have. Realizing the impact is a huge step. Now you can try to pay attention, catch future assumptions and release them. Keep working at it and it’ll pay off. Thanks for commenting!
@@HowToHappy I have been working on myself involving my making assumptions and saying hurtful things. Sometimes, I will still say insulting things. I am sorry to anyone for that and for anything.
