I wasn't raised in a observant Jewish home (parents weren't raised Jewish but found out they were Jewish after I was born) but in middle school I really struggled with modesty being around girls I wanted to stand out and look "cute" but funny thing I gained alot of weight during high school and after that I started dressing very modest only wore skirts cause i hated how jeans felt while overweight. I also felt the need to wear a headcovering because I had/have very long hair and I got alot of attention and felt uncomfortable about it. Once I lost the weight those values of covering stayed and I now love how even though I went through a hard time of overeating, gaining weight, and no self esteem I learned the true meaning and importance of tznius. I also should add I live in a town with little to no observant Jews so for me to be modest in Judaisms standards meant I would totally stand out. I'm soon to be 20 years old and I'm so happy with the way I dress. It changes the way I act and what I say because when people look at me I want them to see someone who is modest in not just clothing but in actions. I do still get alot of attention but it's good attention in that people want to know why I as a young adult dress so modestly although my family and friends don't dress the same as I so it's a great tool to be able to share about Hashem as well. Anyways I hope this comment encourages anyone struggling with tznius and Thank you for such a lovely video! Shalom
THANK YOU! I'm not a teen anymore, I'm a grown up married secular woman just dipping my toes into the world of dressing and behaving modestly. I have three daughters to guide and this video is a wonderful tool in my toolbox. Xx
I'm not Jewish nor am I a teen but I have listened to probably all your talks and you are such a joy! I also want to add that your advice to parents is so great, I was very patient with my daughter although I didn't have to really worry about her, she had a good handle on herself it was me that was confused. I had a mother that no matter what I wore (as an adult, she kicked me out at 16) it was wrong. When I lived in her house I wore what she gave me, so when I was on my own I didn't know anything and didn't know what I wanted or who I was. It's been the same confusion until about 3 years ago. I am just finding out really who I am without all the confusion. What you said here is just amazing, thank you!
how do you find time to surf the web, don't you have like four kids already? i heard Jews marry age at age ten, after being tortured is any of that true? sorry for asking. (all my knowlege on Jews comes from anti semitic propaganda, and well, there Jews are portrayed nailing a verry mean and nasty individual to a cross)
arie brons I am very sorry that your education has come from propaganda, but I am very glad you are asking questions. (Hopefully you weren’t writing to be mean) in our culture, marriage is sacred and meant only for adults. Where I live, women and men choose their own spouses, as their hearts decide if they belong with this one person. We do not marry underage, and we definitely do not perform torture.
It is so hard as a parent to trust that living by example is enough. I want to preach at my daughter too much but i know that just isn’t effective. Her level of modesty is not where mine is at but I’m so much farther down the road of maturity than her. Your challenge to us as parents to be compassionate and patient is good! Thanks. It’s a journey!
Much respect for Frum people who stay modest. I am a secular Jew and am amazed how they can maintain such self control. I wish I grew up with this ... I come from the "other side" not a good world. Stay in the Frum world ...it's to late for me. Shalom
Rivka Malka Perlman Just keep doing mitzvos and helping others. I support Chabad. Just finished building a Mikvah. Chabad of Patchogue NY Mikvah. Shalom
Your story about speaking to the Chassidic girls was SO touching! Thank you for another amazing video on tzniut- looking forward to watching your others as well. While this video was for teens, you've left this nearly-33-year-old quite inspired! 😊
I thank Ha Shem for you, your lovely way of teaching and encouraging is so like a breath of fresh air. I am a new subscriber and I watch your posts every night. I am in Australia and nothing like this is available here, where I live. G-d Bless you Rivka.
I'm 25 and I just want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart I don't know you and this is the second time I listen to your lectures and I just love your lecture I am a mother already of a 5-month-old little girl I'm always so worried about how can I show her how to be modest in the future when for me it has been a. Really big issued I been told by a couple of people already and it used to bother me but when I listen to your lecture I didn't feel guilty in fact it help me a lot so thank you I will keep listening to your lectures because truly you have that light in your face that Hashem gives and your words oh my God are so kind and soothing thank you once again ❤️
Mom of 5 girls here (and 3 boys) and this was so encouraging- it was great to be reminded to be compassionate and understanding... I was brought back to memories of my own school uniforms and my own fumbling around with how to dress 😊
even though I am not Jewish I found this editorial very valuable and relevant….it’s not so much about Judaism as it is about self respect and self care…loved it💕
This is beautiful Rivkah. I am becoming more religious ( ba'al teshuvah) and I love how you appreciate and share with others how they need to love and appreciate their bodies. B'H I hope when I have children soon, that I will be able to hold this vision with them. Also wanted to let you know that I met you randomly via Pearlstone friends in 2014, and then your daughter in the holy land in 2016/17. And now I am studying with Sarah Wolfe. Many blessings to you Rivka!
Thank you for this video, it is personally very helpful. I’m a 34 year old mother of 5. My oldest girl is just about to turn 11. I wasn’t raised in a religious household and don’t have any guidance on being a mother. I’m just now discovering my own modesty inspired by what I want my children to find acceptable. But have found I love it for me. Thank you for sharing your knowledge. Your inside beauty is definitely noticeable and inspirational!
RIVKA, THIS VIDEO HAS BEEN SEND TO ME BY HASHEM. DURING THIS DAYS I'VE BEEN STRUGGLING WITH MODESTY AND FOR WHO I DRESSED UP FOR. NOW THANKS BY THIS VIDEO, NOW I KNOW THAT I SHOULD DRESS HOW HASHEM WANTS ME TO DRESS LIKE, WITH MODESTY BUT ABOVE ALL, FELLING IN THE INSIDE PURE AND FULL. ONE AGAIN THANK YOU RIVKA, YOUR VIDEOS ARE ANSWERING MOST OF ALL MY QUESTIONS AS A YOUNG TEEN JEW.
What about the men ???? And who defines what is modest or not ??? Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism have different standards, not to mention the rest of the world
I'm a mom and plan on passing this on to my teen. This is the BEST talk and resource that I have probably ever found. I have been searching and davening and nothing, no book, no shiur, no person has been able to address this issue in a way that was so beautiful and real and (and appropriate) and can reach teens (and their parents) today. Thank you from my heart and soul! (I'll bli never let you know how it goes when bezrat Hashem my daughter listens.)
I'm a modern Orthodox Jewish teenager growing up in NY. I go to a Jewish school and since it's modern Orthodox, many of the girls don't keep tzniyot as much as I grew up keeping. I used to go to a Bais yaakov four years back and I grew up a little more religious than my friends. I grew up covering my knees and elbows and if I ever wore a t-shirt I'd put a Shell under. Meanwhile all my friends wear crop tops and jeans and bikinis to the beach and it puts a lot of peer pressure on me and it makes me feel different. I see all of these pictures on Instagram and it makes me feel really jealous that my parents would not let me leave my house wearing these things. As a teen, I really want to experiment with different clothing and see how peoples views about me changed. I feel that covering up my whole body all the time just makes me stand out instead of blend even though blending in is one of the purposes of tzniyot. I don't want to go out of my house wearing the most flashy clothes I can find but I want to go out and blend in with the crowd and not have strangers stare at me when I'm wearing long sleeves and a long skirt in the middle of the summer. Since I used to live in such a frum environment, I'm so used to dressing and acting a certain way and I never was able to find out what it's like to look and feel like a regular teen just waking down the street. I love the Jewish religion and it makes my life whole I just want to try and practice it in a different way. I just want to live my life feeling confident enough to wear things that show a little bit of skin or wear pants and jeans. The only thing my parents let me do is wear a t shirt and that's it. No jeans, no bikinis. I just really hope I can figure this all out when my time comes to get married and have kids.
Hi Odelya, Thank you for your comment here. I shared it with my 13 year old daughter because I figured she would be able to relate and I wondered what she would answer you. This is what she said. "It's really hard doing what you're doing and not a lot of girls would be able to withstand the circumstances that you are in. At the end of the day, most friends, even if they don't admit it look up to you because you are keeping respect for your parents. Tznius is such a special thing. So far, I have not figured it out myself but in the future it will be worth it because I want the wor to see me as a person not a body ( although I work hard at keeping in shape) I really hope you get past this and that you have have very supportive friends.
This is beautiful and I so want to share this with my daughter but the weight talk and emphasis here and there to lose it ( as if that is better ) is so harmful in an age where eating disorders and body dysphoria is rising in frum communities is so harmful. Please, please be careful. Maybe even redo this because this is gorgeous
Thank you for doing this for young girls!!!! Can you do one about post-motherhood age? Getting older? I'm struggling with that change! My 2nd and 3rd grandkids are on their way and I don't know who I am anymore :(
I was raised Jewish but not orthodox. But have considered going a bit more modest with how I dress. Trying to find my balance with it. I am by no means provocative but want to uphold the belief some more.
Stretch pants to hike up a mountain? Too hot! Wear loose cotton, clothes that cover and breathe, let the air circulate! I’m not sure what the problem with is with sneakers. For hiking, you want proper fit, supportive footwear, also not plasticy material. You don’t want your feet to sweat with moisture nowhere to go. (Unless you like blisters, sores, infections, pain, and bad odor.) Tsnius is physically healthy when outdoors. Cover your skin from the sun, whether it’s hot or cold. Wear a hat that shades your face and eyes. Sunglasses are imperative to prevent eye problems in later life. A woman or girl can be modest, comfortable, and beautiful leading the outdoor life. She needn’t dress like she’s 90, (unless, of course, she IS 90!), nor should she be immodest. In fact, too brief, tight fitting clothes are uncomfortable for sport or the outdoor life. Think, loose, thin, non-see through layers that breathe. A large, beautiful scarf and canvas or clothe shoes can be swapped out once in camp for the evening. If your ears are pierced, switch small studs for danglies. These items are multi-purpose, lightweight, not bulky to carry if you’re backpacking. I don’t know if Chassidish women backpack, canoe, or go on weeklong treks, but if so, a woman can participate and still retain her feminine dignity and modesty. I’m from a Christian tradition that practices modesty and I’ve taken wilderness trekking trips for up to two weeks. I never had to feel embarrassed if we encountered a group of males or mixed company. In my 20’s, I even spent three weeks solo car and kayak camping, and yes, I met a few other people, most of them men or youth. I used common sense and was armed, and had no problem. This was in the 1970’s before cell phones, but I don’t if even today, some of the trails lack a cell signal. You probably need a satellite phone. I guess what I want to say is that a female need never look anything less than who G-d intends her to be.
I wonder what your thoughts would be on this: I have a social and sensory disability which may have contributed, but I never struggled with this. I wanted to be comfortable and covered up, but my parents and grandparents were (and occasionally still do) constantly pressuring me to "dress like a girl" and wear tighter, more revealing clothes (within reason of course.) or to "dress up" for occasions where I didn't think it was necessary. Now I'm 30 and I never did it. I wear what I'm comfortable in and they can complain. My Dad's 15th birthday "present" for me was a make over and a new outfit that consisted of a tight spaghetti-strap top, a relatively short skirt, and heels. I wore it ONCE because he basically forced me to. I haven't had a boyfriend, but I don't think that's only because of how I dress and I wouldn't want the guy who only noticed me when I changed how i dressed anyway.
HI there, it sounds like you have a complicated relationship with your body and that there have been some super confusing messages coming your way about men and attention etc. I cant answer more without talking to you but what I would say is - please don't discount your innate physical beauty and the power in that. Don't' throw away what you have even though it has been demeaned. Feel free to set up a coaching session with myself or one of my coaches if you want to explore this further.
Beautiful Rivka Malka, I really enjoy listening to and I share lots of your posts on Facebook, and some people I have introduced you to have made friends with you on Facebook, I've been waiting to be friends with you for a few months now, and I've been listening to your beautiful messages for a couple of years or more. I've learnt a lot from you 😊🌹 and would so appreciate it if we become friends on FB then every time you make a new video I can then watch it and join in. I'm not a teenager but I am like a sponge and love learning and seeing things from different angles and perspectives, it's also important to learn from others and get a heart and mind for feeling for others and teenagers to see and hear from their experiences, feelings and thoughts. I can learn to appreciate and be wiser in my understanding and approach to teenagers and women from all walks of life. I'm a lady married for 28 years this coming October my hubby and I sadly have never had children, and I get shy and nervous with teenagers because they have so much to give and I have so little to contribute. So when I'm amongst teenagers and beautiful women in Ha-Shem I clamp up and feel ugly and uncomfortable inside because I also have no family, just my husband and yes he is a very beautiful g-dly HaShem fearing man. But, I need to learn how to socialise and grow myself. Long story. I live in Australia Melbourne 🇦🇺 and converting with Chabad. The reception I get is at a hands distance an elderly couple have embraced my hubby and me, and they are beautiful and precious but when I go to shul, I'm terribly alone and uncomfortable. I need to push myself out but feel like curling up onto a corner and hiding. So I really need to grow somehow socially. I admire you, respect you and have learned to love you as my very dear wise sister and mentor in our such wonderful beautiful amazing awesome HaShem. Sent with a big warm hug from me Zivah xo ♥️ xo 🌹
It took me years to loose weight n start feeling healthy again. I thought finally I could get into sexy clothes n pose now. However something never felt right. Some how after deciding I wanted to wear a head covering, not God asking me too but me asking God if it was kool, I started to feel naked in my tight fitting clothes. Some how when I cover my body, I felt more beautiful. I always thought of transitioning into wearing more bohemian style clothes n couldn't quit figure out how to do it. I started watching Rivka videos n I love her style n I want to mimic her fashion more n more. U see if we take care of our bodies, by not over eating, exercise, drinking water n eating greens, we will feel beautiful even when we r covered. Our bodies r a jewel that God gave us to be cherished.
I’m a third generation meishlinge and someone keeps trying to enflame my nerves using Kabbalist nonsense to make me put a scarf on - what people elect is fine, but enforcing babylon on us is trash
I’m going to wear a bikini or a burqua and no one is going to rape me. period. And if i don’t like otherwise innocent stares I’ll cover up. This violence is going to stop. this should not be a struggle
I don’t have a yetzer hara to feed without some ridiculous person projecting it on me. And it attracts the progroms when you let your men behave with 90 percent immunity for rapes
Omg, they worship the Jabulon. Jabulon. Jabulon. They are caught in a patriarchal society between ideals developed by worshiping Gods of the middle east, egypt and babylon
I’m going to wear a string bikini and no one is going to harass me. You can wear what you want. But when you keep doing this to the three generations removed mieshingle with the “you’re gonna do it!” You’re going to attract your own destruction.
Here is your idol: www.google.com/amp/s/www.express.co.uk/news/science/1319237/Archaeology-news-face-of-God-clay-idol-Yahweh-Israel-Bible-archaeology/amp
Kate morgan it's obvious you are a antisemite. You will be reported if you continue putting this garbage on the comment section. Take your nasty self away from here.
YHWH is a metal smithing idol based on ptah. All of this idiocy is idolatry to the original God of Israel. “It is what makes you beautiful.” No, it is what gives men undue power; makes Jeffery Epstein possible. It makes men rapists.
It is so hard as a parent to trust that living by example is enough. I want to preach at my daughter too much but i know that just isn’t effective. Her level of modesty is not where mine is at but I’m so much farther down the road of maturity than her. Your challenge to us as parents to be compassionate and patient is good! Thanks. It’s a journey!
