[SARA] Well, if one pea was perfect [JENNY] And one pea was odd First string- [SARA] And spare! [BOTH] On the volleyball squad [JENNY] Happy and gregarious [SARA] My thrills were just vicarious [JENNY coughs] [SARA, SPOKEN] Woo [JENNY] She'd point the spotlight [SARA] She'd bask in the shine [BOTH] Friends till the end of the line [JENNY] My skin was just like porcelain Hers was all zits [SARA] My pores were perpetually blocked [JENNY] I developed early She had no tits [SARA] My cupboard was woefully stocked [JENNY] Why would I be seen With such a social refugee? [SARA] 'Cause you always looked good next to me! [JENNY, SPOKEN] That's right! [BOTH, SUNG] So we were Jenny, and Sarah A vulgar display [SARA] The queen of the prom [JENNY] And her weird protege I starred- [SARA] I ran lights- [BOTH] In the school cabaret [JENNY] I mean, have you heard Sarah sing? Good golly, it's embarrassing [SARA sings a feeble note] [BOTH] We were contrary forces Who somehow combine Friends till the end of the line [SARA] Then something crazy happened Right after twelfth grade That summer I blossomed and bloomed I stepped into the sunlight After years in the shade And a beautiful swan was exhumed [JENNY] Meanwhile, I was working At the local Dairy Queen And ballooned up to plus-size sixteen [SARA, SPOKEN] Uh-Jenny [JENNY] Eighteen It's just so delicious [SARA] We both showed up to college And, no need to pretend I was popular right off the bat And everyone was asking: Sarah, who is your friend? The one who's so- [JENNY, SPOKEN] Interesting? [SARA, SPOKEN] Fat (SUNG) All this malice aimed at Jenny Was quite startling and new So I did what all best friends would do I said, I'm Sara She's Jenny We used to be close Now she's desperate, and clingy And sort of morose I heard she gobbles Peanut Buster parfaits by the gross In all the world is there a sight More tragic than this parasite? [BOTH] So that is our story And ain't it divine! Friends till the end of the- [JENNY] The cold bitter end [SARA] I guess [BOTH] This is the end of the line