@@awakenkids There's another good one he has on vimeo, which is based on dialogue, but it really does some great things with the action, too. Just google John August dialogue, and it's the first link, which takes you to his site, where you'll see a link to the Vimeo site.
It's your story. If your characters misbehave, change their circumstances so they can't do dumb stuff. You may have set your stakes too low so that there's no consequence for their action or inaction.
you are a good man for doing this for free! I've learn a LOT by just downloading many available scripts (of really good movies) reading reading reading and also sometimes reading along with watching the movie REALLY helps. Tedious work...but if you want to be a writer...
I'm currently in the process of writing my first full length screenplay and this video really helped. Start with the action and describe the characters feelings instead of how they act, great tip
Wow, a co-screenwriter of the movie Frankenweenie and Charlie's Angels... and screenwriter of the movie, Big Fish! :) Thank you for making this video, sir! I really admire your writing. :)
I new in to the world of screenwriting and I really find it fascinating how differently you have to think when writing a screenplay. It's like a puzzle I want to solve. Great examples!
Mr. August, this is incredible! you elevated the whole scene to another level. I would appreciate more of these videos if you possibly find the time!! it's very valuable for aspring writers.
You're professional! I love that! Just the first couple seconds into the video, and I was like, "I like this, simple and to the point, along with a visual example." Keep up the good work, John!! :D
it was great. it is really important to show things and show the acts through the dialogues. sometimes we can see more through our words than through our eyes.
Hello John, Thank you for your scene instruction. I especially liked your reference to writing better action. I'm a disabled veteran with a lot of ideas--but new to script writing.
there is nothing here that i didn't know but it helps a lot to open up some knots and tighten some bolts... so at the end of it all- its helpful. thanks john.
John August started listening to scriptnotes a while back and I absolutely love it. im glad you also have these tutorials online. for someone that didn't and will never go to film school it really helps. This is like getting a Harvard education for free. You're my hero! Do you ever proof anyones work? There is a Seattle based company that offers those services but I don't really trust anyone NOT in LA.
It's good, but it changes the motivation of the character's dialogues. The original showed us an interest from Kara for the factory, we know, for the way it was written, she's up to something there. The rework makes the interest appears in the manager instead. He brings up the topic instead of her. I would had kept the original intent of Kara to get information, by following the initial question with a continued conversation prior the scene, something we wouldn't be able to see.
Beginning screenwriters often make the mistake of starting a scene at the beginning of an interaction instead of at the most meaningful part. "hello, how are you." "I'm fine, how are you?" "Nice day isn't it?" "Yes, it is. You're looking good." "So are you." Nobody wants to film that.
TheRLification We all have to learn. Sometimes you need to write that stuff just to push yourself into the scene. Then you read it over and see that you can just cut to the chase.Boom.
I just imagined a really nice scene with your dialogue about two incredibly socially awkward people going on a date. There's a lot of subtext and a lot of room for the actors to do their thing.
MajorKeys . The point wasn't to put new writers on the defense I think. The point is new writers leave that fat in. Write it if it helps you grease the gears, but yank it out before showing it to anyone.
Great video. Perhaps you can do one explaining how to write a scene with multiple locations, like a crime scene or a horror scene. I am trying to figure out how to do that. Are they separate slug lines, or just 'cut to' segments of the same scene?
Interesting, but I feel like you've taken the protagonist from an active investigator to a passive answerer of questions. This isn't just adding tension, it's fundamentally changing what this scene is doing.
Question? For Sluglines, should they be written from General to specific? Or does it not matter? For example: In this scene it's INT. Front Desk - Local Hotel - Day, I was told, it should be INT. Local Hotel - Front Desk - Day. So what's the most accepted?
I think you're missing the point a bit. Movies aren't about giving the audience info, it's to entertain them. The 2nd version sets up mystery and plants seeds of suspicion into the audience. The joy of finding out.
Great video! It's always great to see a visual. Now I better understand why getting right to the action is important! I only have one comment. That parenthetical, (surprised)... The only reason I would put a parenthetical in my script would be if my subtext wasn't obvious. Is that correct?
I use the apostrophe. It's done that way in most screenplays. Actually, I don't think I've ever seen it without. Maybe I have and just wasn't paying attention, but either way, he's John August!
Hello. After watching the whole video I'm quite left confused. What actually changed from the first to second version? Like what did the change achieve? Was it that it was more directly to the point? Was it more focused on action rather than dialogue or the other way around? What's the meaning behind those changes? What's the greater lesson here?
Hey John August. I read one of your articles on your blog "11 steps on how to write a scene" a lot. I have a question. the second thing you said on step one "ask what NEEDS to happen" . but one of my characters does stuff that is stupid,random,and slows down the movie. would you reccomend writing a list of what jonathan CAN NOT DO? how do i be bossy with my characters?I would LOVE to hear back from you. it would be a priveledge. the 11 steps really changed the way i screenwrite.big fan. Olivia.
Not always one minute though- that's a rough estimation. Because if any setting or character has to be described, that doesn't count as screen time. :)
Hello! John how are you? I've been writing for a while now since I am a college student and I have written a few papers that was good. But I'm new to this screenwriting script and I have no idea where to start, and I'm a little confused on how to start. What do you recommend someone like me to do or start screenwriting? Oh! I bought a book today called " The Screenwriter's Bible." This book seems interesting. Have you heard of it? If so what is your opinion about it?
I would think for a short film, your suggestions might be right on, but for a feature, nuance seems to work better, after all, this is only the first minute. I don't need all that info crammed into that short amount of time.
I cant seem to find a tutorial regarding characters' descriptions, how long should they be where should they appear and to what detail level do we need to go down to when presenting someone. thanks in advance for any assistance.
I'm sorry but the first version was better: We found out she was a reporter, she planned on leaving tomorrow, she was here for the factory, and it's been closed for a year. But in the second version we don't know anything about the factory at all, why she's there or how long, and it's only a guess that she is a reporter but not confirmed. Also, wasting time locking in the hotel manager into burly and having a walrus mustache, therefore tying the hands of the casting from getting good actors.
My problem has never beginning a scene, according to the script consultant I use it's ending a scene. I haven't gotten that together yet. You should be a script consultant. Once writers know the basis about tbe craft the rest is creativity.
The exchanges seem odd; a hotel clerk/receptionist is hardly like to speak so coldly; they wouldn't say 'You a reporter?!' They'd be more diplomatic and mannered and then to say abruptly 'Sign here. Initial there!' it's like dialogue you might hear in a concentration camp but that aside I would avoid describing characters who are not overly essential; giving them moustaches and ages treads on the toes of directors and casting agents. Let them decide all that.
That used to be the norm during the typewriter days. That's how you'd write if writing a novel, or just general writing, but in modern screenwriting, it's acceptable now to single space, so save space.
It's boring but it starts off a hell of a lot more concise than do most scripts. I could imagine that style of writing working very well if the tone was cut-and-dry, or subdued like a British dark comedy.
This entire scene is fat and warrants cutting. We learned nothing, no stakes, no mystery, no CONFLICT. Knowing reporters came from NY for what I'm guessing was a big crime event is not necessary. I think the original purpose of the scene was exposition to say Kara's business in this location will be 1 or 2 days or she's from New York. The latter can be revealed in passive dialog later. This can all be erased and replaced with Ext Hotel - Day Kara's car is parked outside. Int Hotel Room - Day Yadda yadda yadda whatever this scene is about moving the story right along. Bam! Done. Having a desk scene at all just makes the pacing sluggish as most amateur writing does.
C Ch I was thinking the same thing. The rewritten scene while better doesn't propel us into the next scene. It's not presenting me with a dramatic question I'm hoping to see answered in a subsequent scene.
The commenter's changes make it no better. Yes, he moves the story quicker but it is very choppy. For one thing, the lack of formalities at the beginning such as a "hi" or "hello" et cetera, which takes only seconds, makes the scene look unnatural. A woman rolling a suitcase approaches the front desk . . .