2:47 I hate hearing people say that. "This is just how they are". Has been used by others on many occasions in my life, and used as a method to get me to "just accept" how others behave badly. Screw that. I don't make excuses for the bad behaviour of others, and will not put up with nasty people, like my own family. I also WILL NOT, "forgive and forget", for my own reasoning. I will not forgive people that are just bad , nor will I let others have opportunity to treat me that way again. Will not forget either. If that's the case, then I've learnt nothing, and just leaving myself open to further abuse.
I felt that first story so much. My wife and I once left my in-law's house at Christmas because her Mom got offended by something really dumb so she decided yelling at my 30 y/o wife was the thing to do. My wife saw it coming and we prepacked our bags before the argument. So as soon as the MIL was done yelling, we just silently got up, grabbed our bags and left. The in-laws were dumbfounded and just kept asking, "What are you doing?". The OP needs to go NC with those toxic people. You're much better off.
Story 4: Multilingualism is one of the greatest skills one can ever have. I am fluently bilingual with basic knowledge of two more languages and I really wish I could be a true Multilingual. OP has a lot of advantage that I am envious of. Their parents truly su*k.
Story 2: The class sounds pretty normal for grading on a curve. Having an average around 50 makes the process more clear and maximizes differences between students. The reality is many professors are given a rough distribution of grades at the start of the year. The second parts of the problems can be done. You assume the answer and proceed. She also didn't go through the proper procedure for receiving accomadations. ADHD does not prevent you from memorizing 10-20 formulas. I don't like memorizing, but algebra based physics tends to lend itself to very low level work. Lastly she gave feedback and the professor may have taken the feedback and she feels vindicated by that somehow- like its personal?
Story 1: At least it's only the father and the step-mother in-law that are that way. Story 2: Hard to judge... Story 3: Oh great, last minute customers, Christmas Eve, no less. Always fun to deal with. Story 4: Huh? Why are the parents denying their children's Multilingual advantage?! Looks like they are super into their own world. And eventually, OP will have a way better success in the future.
Stygian Dragon - Story 3. What applies there, or what we'd all like to say to those people: "A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine."
I was one of those kids. I learned about Japan and their language when i was in 6th grade and begged my mom to get me Japanese lessons. She denied. I begged about Spanish then at least. Again. Denies. Now look at me. I am taking Japanese and Korean in college, and I'm self taught in what Romanian i know. So yeah.
Story 1: The OP isn't the jerk here. Seriously the mother in law should be ashamed of her actions. The OP was having a panic attack and the stepmother said "You're a pill popper?!" I mean seriously it's not of that lady's business what the OP is doing when she has the rights to be on medication for her mental moments.
I relate to story 4 op with the fact that my parents want me to kinda be in finance like my dad and mother is when I don't really want that instead I want a music business degree and they repeatedly state that they will not support me if I pursue that.
I’m a native Thai speaker and I feel bad for this person who’s parents doesn’t believe they can speak the language they can speak the best,it’s not good their parents called Arabic an ugly language wait they can’t even learn a language, + failed their lessons on learning French.
I worked at Taco Bell in 1997 and there was a guy with a camping trailer demanding to be let in after we closed to accommodate him. We told him drive thru was the only thing open and that there was a Denny's down the street. "I don't wanna go to Denny's!" he whined. "Nobody likes my trailer!" So he went through the drive thru with it! Hahahahaha he kept driving over curbs n shit. Enjoy your taco you son of a butt
yeah i got 2 seperate class that had 30% from exam and 70% from project(group project and personal one) at group project i was the only one who did anything and it was bad against rest of the class and the personal one i tried to do a good job which turned out to be very bad so i thought i would save it with one more exam so i would pass(they didnt say anything about exam or grading) thinking the exam would be hard but since it was to save our grade and pass even if they didnt exclude project it would be 50/50 and i didnt pass since it was the same and many didnt pass either and if we knew it would be the same grading we wouldnt even come back and take the exam it was a waste of time.
To be honest if the dad does not get his act together then he may as well not have his family at all. The father and the stepmom need to grow up and learn to be better people, otherwise they are going to be left all alone and one day they are going to regret what they have but by then it will be too late. The family will have already cut them out and do not wish to see them nor will they ever reach out to them to reconcile. They will be all alone living a life of regret.
Honestly not surprised by the Walmart story. I used to work at a mall and at this particular mall everything would be closed 3 days of the year Easter, thanksgiving, and Christmas. Thanks to Black Friday shopping some of the mall would open later on thanksgiving so really it was only two days that we were actually closed. Every time the day after the holidays I would have customers complaining that we were closed and that it was an inconvenience and how it ruined their holiday with their families. I would just say “well if we were open then most of us who work at the mall wouldn’t get to spend anytime with our families.” They would quickly act like they were just joking or kidding but I know that they just don’t really see people in customer service jobs as people not really. At my current job at a restaurant we get asked every year what our Black Friday deal is and I have to explain we don’t have any and have never had a Black Friday deal. Most people are fine with it some people who get annoyed and complain until they leave.
Bruhhhhhh the language-learning story…… you put words into a concept I know. Family being proud of a skill only when it’s something they’re good at. Man… Also honestly good job on learning these languages. Learning a second language isn’t easy (and I’ve heard learning Mandarin is rather difficult). So respect to you OP
This may be petty but after all that I would not have let them have the presents. I would have kept them. They don't deserve them after their bad behavior.
Story 4 that is amazing op should ignore parents and do them they know they speak it and don't have to prove themselves I impressed they could take a fluency test seven years in while learning other languages I've been self learning Japanese for about the same amount of time and can maybe speak at a third graders level enough for a basic conversation but no where near fluency
Story 2: I think that's a pretty normal way for professors to run their class? I majored in mechanical engineering, and almost half, if not more than half of the math-related courses relied on professors curving scores or homework/participation grades for students to get a passing grade. I still remember back in freshman year, we had a course, "Introduction to Mechanical Engineering", our class average for midterms was literally in the single digits. Yes, single digits, out of 100. The highest score was 19, and more than 1/3 of the class got 0. The average for finals barely passed 10. The professor passed everyone who didn't get 0 on both tests. There was another course, "Dynamics", we had 3 tests, 3 questions each, all openbook. If you get a single question out of the 9 correct, you pass. Still about 1/4 of the class failed, and the highest scoring student still only got 3 of the 9 questions correct, and the majority of passing students only got 1 correct.
Memorizing equations is for second rate students. Learn the material and the equations pretty much come naturally. When I took Classical Mechanics, the average on the first test was about 60. With the 25 bonus points available, I made 118, if I remember correctly. The trick to physics is that if you know math, the physics is much, much, much easier. If you don't know the math, as most of the students did not, learning both the math and the physics at once is a daunting task. At the time I took Classical Mechanics, I was finishing up my MS in Math and had a hole in my schedule to fill -- I knew the math at least as well as the prof. The physics itself was not difficult.
Story 1: Sorry Dan, but your dad is NEVER going to change.... and certainly not the stepmom. Feel bad that the OP ha a panic attack there, but not hard to see why. I would be going zero contact with those people and yesterday. Story 2: A 45% average?? Private school or not, the admin should be stepping in here. It almost seemed like that professor was trying to sabotage the students. Story 3: If you do, or try to do, all or a majority of your Christmas shopping that late on Christmas Eve... then you are a moron, plain and simple. This guy is a total jerk here... not for going that late, but for his tantrum. Story 4: If i were the OP, i'd start speaking Mandarin around the house more then English, both to show-off and be petty. OP should be very happy and proud that they are good at Mandarin. Mandarin is VERY difficult to learn. The parents are just being ignorant, close-minded jerks here.
Story 4: Oh, I *definitely* would find some native language speakers to bring home to my parents. I'm that spiteful in the face of that kind of treatment. I'd even have them show their passport to my parents just to prove they're a foreign national, and then spend the next hour speaking in their native language right in front of my parents, just to prove them wrong right to their faces.
Why be so concerned about the parents opinion? Passports don’t really prove anything either. The parents would never admit they’re wrong regardless of your setup and would be willing to deny everything in the world to be right.
As a physics student from another country: wow, only 10 equations and can't even respond to the test? That's completely your fault. The part that the questions depend on each other is just very common because there are not a lot of short problems in this field, so It's true is frustrating but it's just how it goes. I had terrible teacher that even teach you with lies but expecting you to do it correctly when asked. All the students know how it works and hate it but we all have to study by our own and just endure it, but never have I heard anyone complaining just about 10 fucking equations. In quantum mechanics for example, we "had to memorize" like a thousand. Of course no one does this and just memorize more or less a hundred which are the ones that we in fact used to resolve the problems PD: yeah, the averages are pretty bad also, 45% would be incredible for a subject and would be seen as "wow, too easy"
Just speak to your parents in Mandarin and nothing else. If they get upset and tell you to talk to them in English, just ask "What, you don't understand Mandarin? Then how do you know it's not Mandarin?" And go back to talking to them in Mandarin.
I think Dan himself is in a sense unintentionally toxic especially if he still continues to hope that his father changes for the better. Grow up bub as mean as this may sound, change don’t happen easily. One can spend a couple decades and still wind up with nothing so don’t hold the breath
I can relate to the story about the incredibly crazy low test scores. I earned a microbiology degree from a local university many years ago. In order to graduate, every student in my major had to take some "cut classes" every semester. It's meant to thin out the herd. I freaked out when I got 25% & 45% on the 1st tests, respectively. Turns out 45 was an A and 25 was a C. Apparently, the purpose was to fail 1/2 of the students for each topic. To weed out the people who couldn't cut it. I was appalled. It never made sense to me. But I passed the classes regardless. And earned my degree. **Organic Chemistry 1 & 2 lecture classes **Calculus lecture **Microbiology laboratory 1 & 2
That last story was such a minor problem.... The parents are definitely jerks but sometimes, I feel like some stories shouldn't be on the AITJ thread tbh.
About the last story... So, I believe that that person's parents are simply being logic-functional with regards to the language(s). It's an issue with having absolutely no reference point for bilingual/multilingual-ness... I understand they want their parents to be proud of their accomplishments and achievements, but it's difficult to be proud in something that you cannot understand or relate to. It sounds like the parents may even be frustrated that they can't understand, or more literally 'can't comprehend,' it and therefore attempt to move the conversation towards something that do understand. It's something that they need to 'let go of.' The parents are being honest, not to be mean, and not even because they 'meant well;' The subject matter is so alien, they would need a proof such that it would change their core understanding of this universe. Best of luck to you... I'm sure one day you will prove your knowledge and they will indeed feel like complete fools.
Had a required math class at university in finite math (which I hated it is stuff like the odds at cards). Half the class dropped out with the first exam, and I was definitely flunking by the 2nd. I knew someone taking the same class who had me see the teacher when I was panicking, and all I had to do was ask the teacher to switch my grading card with the other teacher. I borrowed the prior work from the student and of course memorized everything and got a perfect grade for the final. Turns out she was the math advisor and she couldn't understand how a teacher who didn't normally teach the undergrad class level was able to flunk me but I could get a perfect score on her final. I didn't tell her that her test was actually too easy because it was actually based on the homework so anyone with a brain could pass. I was worried she would make it harder for the people desperate to get their BS degree. Wish I had known that trick when I had a bad chemistry teacher. It isn't the subject matter that determines your grade. I got an F in English for missing classes due to wedding, and boy was he mad. I did the work and should have gotten an A but had to retake it.
what I'm finding out is that a lot of the OP need anxiety medication or can't handle stress very well. Not sure why this would cause a panic attack but that does seem to be the rule not the exception these days.
For the final story: I speak fluent English having lived in the United States my entire life but I also know a few phases in Italian, Russian, German, Spanish and I’m currently teaching myself Japanese but I need one of my friends to drill me on the words I’ve learned.
I go to Walmart all the time I don't see what the problem is and going to Walmart I know you said like anybody would want to even go there but it is really affordable for families who are penny-pinchin you know that's why people would want to go there. Toxic?? Fanning the flames!
My math professor gave us a big math project were if you got one question wrong the rest were going to be wrong. this thing was worth half of my grade, 90% of the class got question 2 wrong out of 15 so only like 2 pepole were going to pass the class the teacher changed it to as long as you solved the question right you got the points because she would have been fired if that many pepole failed. this class was so hard that during the final i was so stressed my whole arm went numb
Regarding the multi-lingual contributor…that’s great and all but what are you going to do with all those languages that’s going to allow you to pay back that six-figure student loan? Yeah I know this sounds harsh but it’s the same thing I asked my daughter when she proudly announced that she wanted to go into education which at this point requires a masters level degree for consideration and you’ll likely be taking a portion of those student loans with you to the grave. My own wife had two bachelors of science and a master’s in education…at 45 she definitely loves that loan balance, especially since she hasn’t taught in a decade.
Story 2 is ligit all my classes, It’s very normal to have such exams and extremely hard test in the country I live. So ig I can’t judge that one properly bc I don’t see anything wrong.
I would have gone berserk on the evil step mother and father, like i would have shouted through the entire house that they have no right for what they did to them just cause their on a power trip, are just so incredibly entitled or on drugs or whatever, just to make them feel misserable
*Story 1:* Talk about crazy family members! Perhaps OP should've gone to a hotel not far from the in-laws, that way they could still visit the in-laws while still having a place to stay while they're there.
I've got one that's better than that, my late wife's parents bought a cabin in Quebec, Canada, a two day drive from their home in the Chicago suburbs, now they are somewhat eccentric, and take their privacy to ridiculous extremes, the last time we went to the cabin, we left home at 7 am on a Saturday and arrived at around 7 in the evening on sunday, her brother was also there having driven from his home in Detroit, there was three bedrooms in the cabin, ( which was built from a Sears and Roebucks kit in 1947) so we took our usual room, while her brother was in the next room, and her parents were in their room on the ground floor so we assumed no problem, right? Well early the next morning, my wife and I got up , and taking the small rowboat we set out to do some fishing, a short time later, my wife needed to take some meds so I took her back to the dock, while I let the wind take me back out to resume fishing, a short while later, my brother in law came down, to the dock and called me in, when I reached the dock, he informed me to pack up our gear, as we were leaving! ( at this point we had only been there for about twelve hours) it seemed that my wife and her mother had quarreled, and we were requested to leave! I went into the cabin hoping to grab, something to eat, only to have my father in law, throw my duffle bag in my face! I put it in the car, and without saying a word my wife came out in tears, and we left, I asked her what the fight was about, but did not get a reply, nor was I ever able to get an explanation, the whole trip home, my wife wouldn't talk to me. The incident happened in 2001, and my wife passed in 2017, and to this day I have no idea of just what took place. We were never invited back to the cabin, even though she returned on several occasions, with just her brother, who for some reason didn't talk to me at the time of her passing, and has not been in contact since. Her parents last contacted me when clearing out our storage space 6 months after her death. But have gone no contact since I asked to be present at the scattering of her ashes ( which her family conducts at a lake in a remote part of Minnesota) but I have no idea if my request will be honored. My biggest Question is am I the A Hole?
Story 4: To be fair the schools outside of China focuses more on pronunciation than inflections and other stuff that the locals have been taught throughout their entire lives. Another RU-vidr Xaioma he’s a white guy who has learned several languages but his best is Chinese. Even he has said that his Chinese isn’t perfect but the reason for it was I think literature that has been read since childhood. Not saying learning another language is bad but there are somethings you can’t learn.
The second story is very stupid, 10 equasions for physics test? That is 4th grade level. Also, equasion sheets? Like what? Is that USA thing? I understand having ADHD is making it way harder, however there is medication that can help. Also, ADHD does not make it unable to learn. It is just very hard to start - speaking from experience, I am unmedicated. With strict rules it is very much possible to learn. And 45% average is not unusual. There are a few people who get 90%-100%, cause they learn a lot & are passionate, 70%-89% who learn and most of the class gets 10%-20% cause they dont give a flying fuck about that subject and that knocks the percentage down to around 50% average.
No that’s not right ADHD does prevent working memorization and it can be too much to process at once regardless of medication I know because I have it and yes equation sheets are more common in The US.