Ep. 337 | Generational Junk 

One way to look at this: If all Grandma's "junk" is adding value to her life, then I can allow her to enjoy it without trying to change her ways. Dealing with all her belongings after she is gone may be a final act of love on my part. It's frustrating to see the collections things, but relationships are worth the frustration.

My mother died several years ago. She said to me, "I know what you’re going to do when I die, you’re going to get rid of all my stuff"! Well that was a bit of a guilt trip because I did, get rid of most all of her stuff. The guilt caused me to hang on to things I thought I should keep. I eventually downsized to one thing. I felt guilt...until she one night came to me in my dream. She looked beautiful in a long white ethereal silk dress, seeming very at peace and happy. She said to me. “Nancy ..I know what I said was wrong because I now live in an ethereal world and stuff means nothing, it's ok that you got rid of all those things”! That message released me from guilt and reminded me to not do this to my only son. Nancy

My mother in law not only wanted us to have all are stuff, she wanted us to get rid of our things and move into her condo after she died with all her stuff still there! My husband thought that was a great idea. This went on for years and almost broke up our marriage. Unfortunately my husband passed away before her. My mother in law ended up in a nursing home and died at age 94. Her daughter sold her condo with everything in it "as is" for a very low price. We all lived in different parts of the country. All that fighting was for nothing. Now I am 71 and live with my daughter and her husband. I am making it very easy for them when I die I have no valuables, no property and very little possessions .I basically live in my bed room. I have notebook with instructions on what to give to who and what they can throw away or keep.

I have begun asking my kids what they want now. That way they can have it now while I’m alive and I can get rid of everything else without guilt. I have had to do this for too many relatives and I’m not doing this to my children.

After cleaning out my parents 2 bedroom condo, they had already downsized from their much larger home and discovered their neat tidy home, had stuff hidden in stuff; I made the decision to downsize my home now and not leave it for my kids to contend with after we are gone. It has been 8 years and I still every season take a hard look at my belongings and am still able to find stuff to donate, sell, or trash. I started with my attic and it took me 6 months to organize that, but its done. I no longer spend without thinking, I try and repurpose and buy second hand whenever I can. Disposing of others personal things is an exhausting task and I do not want my kids to have to go through what I did. Less is definitely more.

I have taken a long time to get to where I want to be as a minimalist. My home now contains my essentials and the things I love the most. I went from owning a 13 room Victorian home with two separate outbuildings to my current home of 386 square feet. I've never been happier. But about two years ago I started thinking about how after my death every object in my home would have to be picked up, considered and dealt with by my two daughters. Everything clicked into place when I ran across the concept of Swedish Death Cleaning which is built on the principle of making it easier for your loved ones. It's meant that twice a year I go through everything again with fresh eyes and I find each time I can happily cull out 10-20% of my items. My daughters have said this is the best gift I could give them. (For the record I always offer it to them first with the understanding that they can refuse anything. After that I offer to friends and finally donate. )

My parents were children of the depression and my oldest sister is a class 5 hoarder. I already dread the clean up and they are still alive. I have begun cleaning my home (in my 60s ) so that my children do not have the same emotional burden. As I declutter i ask my children if they would like the items. My in-laws on the other hand got rid of everything and my husband feels that he was deprived of some things he would have liked.

This podcast has spurred me on to throw out a big bag of hotel room “keys” of my deceased husband’s business trips from over 20 years ago! Thank you!!

Goodwill is a business, not a charitable organization in any way. The CEO is a billionaire. I would suggest donating to companies that are genuine non-profits, that use the funds to actually help people and animals.

Listening to The MInimalists helped me deal with three generations of junk that was left in my mum's house when she passed. There was stuff from my mum, my grandparents and my great grandparents. Everything was neat, organised and clean. But talk about an overload of stuff! I donated nearly everything and kept a few things that were meaningful to me. I donated things that were valuable but that I was too time poor to sell myself. I was able to come to terms mentally with moving everything along somewhat easily thanks to listening to your tips and valuable advice.

I don't know if it is a regional thing, but here in Toledo, Ohio there are at least half a dozen estate sale companies. In my way of thinking, this is a perfect way to close out a household. They come in, take days to weeks to clean and organize the contents and over a weekend sell the vast majority of those belongings. When I am ready to downsize, I plan to hire one of those companies to take care of my excess stuff.

If I were Jordan, I would do the following: 1. Rent a storage unit at a storage facility near the condo. 2. Place the items you wish to keep or need more time to dispose of in the storage unit. 3. Call an auctioneer to handle the remaining contents of the condo. Do NOT throw anything away. Most people are poor judges of the value of older items. Threadbare Persian rugs may be worth thousands of dollars, while "collectibles" may be worthless. The auctioneer will either auction the items on premises (though the condo association may have rules prohibiting this) or pack it up and transport it to their auction house for sale. Either way, you will be freed from the task of packing and loving all of that stuff. Most auctioneers sell both online and in person now, so you will have a wide audience for your items. Auctioneers get paid a commission based on the value of the items sold; buyers also pay a buyer's fee. If there are certain items family members want, you can tell the auctioneer to set those aside if they come across them while sorting the items into lots. 4. Take care of the items in the storage unit. Set a time limit for family members to make their wishes known, and whatever they don't claim, dispose of appropriately.

I stumbled upon this podcast then on yawls movie/documentary and it spoke deeply to my heart, and my situation. In the last month, I have managed to get rid of a 20 foot trailer load of things that were unnecessary for a good, happy, and peaceful existence. I now can comfortably live in this cute mini Cottage out on wooded property by a lake. I am starting to understand what peace and joy feel like… I am grateful for the inspiration, it was needed… because, I am now nine months sober from pain medication and alcohol! My entire existence is so different than my normal and I’ve been on a huge journey to find myself and my place in the universe. I now feel my life going into the direction that I want it to go, and have absolutely no debt. There is no way to put into words just how wonderful things are beginning to become in my life, or how grateful I am for the two of you for sharing yawls journey. I hope you have a blessed and wonderful day, Namaste

My son will never have to go through this.I did the swedish death cleaning before it was even a "thing". He wants to live in my home after I die, and he will just have to pack his things and move in, in less than a day. Ironically, he loves his "things".I tried to get my mother on board the minimalism train to no avail.I am not looking forward to that day.

I have followed your program for a while now. I disagree that you are in a “ Cult”. Cults are harmful. What you guys do actually convict people of ridding themselves of worldly things, burdens, etc... this is good! I am a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ, and Apostle Paul endorses not attaching yourself to the world/stuff. Your program is extremely helpful! I have benefitted greatly from watching and following the Minimalists! Thank you!

Whoa, Awesome!! Those year books should be donated to their local library or museums! There's a difference between throwing away mass produced junk and properally preserving and donating amazing history pieces! ❤🙏🎉 Love that kind of stuff! I personally own reeeaally old objects from other families and am so so glad that I have it. The hello kitty junk from my childhood...im glad is gone - the difference is so amazing 😂👏

I was recently able to let go of a quilt my great great grandma gave me to a friend that displays quilts in her home. It was itchy and big not able to be used as a blanket. I kept the baby quilts she made my kids so they can use them for their babies if they want. And I also was able to let go of my great grandma’s Depression Glass that just collected dust and movers kept breaking pieces of every time we move (military family) to a collector. It felt so relieving to finally let those items go.

Tell your family how the STUFF is hugely stressing you. No expectations just honesty and tell them how you feel. It's horrible spending months or in some cases years dealing with estates. I only want my kids to inherit Peace & Contentment! 🌻💕💐🌼💐💕🌻

I went to my grandparents house last week and looked at all the clutter.....along with how sick they both are getting and I got anxious. Already started talking to my mom about it. 🥵🥵🥵

Great compassionate discussion! There are also several books for older folks on downsizing belongings. AARP, Swedish Death Cleaning, etc.

Not even 30 seconds in here going: yes, yes, yes! Have to go to the long version, I love this! 💚

My dad was a collector/hoarder, everything from empty Pringles cans to broken pencils and half-used paper (he worked as a custodian in a school and kept everything the teachers threw away). There was a room in the school where he gathered his treasures. When he passed away, I had to sift through his stuff not only in that room, but his apartment as well. I was given a day in each. It was overwhelming. I panicked and ended up tossing most of it in the trash. I can tell you now that I regret it. While I managed to save a couple of items and pass them to my brothers, I have nothing. Not a single photo of my dad, not one of his keepsakes that he picked up in multiple countries from when he was in the navy. I still have my dad's memories, but sometimes it's nice having a little piece of that person in your home-something that meant a lot to them.

I ended up with many of my grandma and great grandmas hand made quits. They had been sitting in a garage in a bin for years. I decided instead of them just decaying, I would display or gently use them. I kept my favorites and shared the rest with my cousins, who appreciated them also.

My gran is a hoarder. She is living with my mum and the junk and clutter is really affecting her (mum's) mental health. It is horrible to see. I have tried to be compassionate but am getting better at throwing out rotten foods, out of date stuff in the back of cupboards (some stuff 30 years old) and tubs of rubber bands, old strings, old broken TV remotes etc that kind of thing. Some people can't be reasoned with. It is really sad

I can completely feel the pain of having to go though a house worth of stuff. I had to go through my dad's 48x84 shop that was completely filled with stuff, and it took a lot of time. I threw away or sold probably 95% of it all. I know I'll have to do it with my mom's stuff as well as my grandparents' house that are both completely packed. Not looking forward to it.

its funny your comment on - no thanks, but someone else may find value. you don't have an Italian mother in law. Why not? Don't you need? You can use? What's the matter? It's good! You take. lol - it's a battle - you HAVE to go around and say no, no no no no no lol or you would be there all day. would love if I could do it your way. So much nicer :)

I went through the same thing Podcast Shawn did, I lost my hoarder mom and hoarder grandmother in 2015 and 2017 and I had to clean out two houses. I came to the same conclusion that I don't want to leave my two boys with a bunch of stuff they are not going to want later. I have been decluttering in the last 2 months and I feel better about leaving and not being a burden to my children.

Great video! I like keeping a spreadsheet and categorizing the items that I get rid of during the 30 day minimalism game. It helps me see trends for the "useless" things that I acquired, and I often go back to it as a reminder when I have the urge to shop.

I don't know if I would coin the word as " generational junk " .To a lot of ppl or family members it so not junk . But if it simply garbage or someone is a hoarder I can understand the term " JUNK " . For reference my uncle had a wonderful career as a pathologist in NY .He lived there for years and even was a medic in WW2 .After my Grandma got sick in Florida he retired and moved there .My aunt lived in GA so she could help .My mom is on the E coast so she had to fly back n forth constantly. My grandma's stuff was given to 6 neices and nephews and 3 children. I only inherited some beautiful small antiques and I have her two solid wood ethan allen bureaus that last forever. They're actually antiques now . Then my aunt died 2007 and one of my moms neices is still sending her boxes of things .We don't know if it was her ex- husbands my neices father or his moms ? Anyway we kept them .They're definitely valuable .Looked up my uncles antiques I got .They're worth money not only that they're beautuful . But some is just junk. Twoards the end of his life he had dementia. It saddened my mom, that he stacks of newspapers and stuff in his condo where he had always been the cleanest, neatest bachelor. SAD at the end . Always check on relatives not just once a year.

Loved the analogy of the coffee shop you guys own and not needing 18 expresso machines because they would get in the way. Made me think that any successful business takes inventory of their stock often. They know that if they have too much it would rot or get in the way, their success lays in keeping just the right amount to be able to function effectively. They can do that because they’re not emotionally attached to these items. What if we took inventory of our stuff the same way in our personal lives? If we weren’t emotionally attached to these things. We could just keep the right amount to be able to function effectively.

Ryan, i had a Oma, now iam one, growing up they saved everything to be passed down, i got all (hand me downs ) for my first home, Today the kids want all new.

My grandma had an old globe that was made before ww2 and I want to pass that down. It’s a cool snapshot of history

Really important discussion. Thanks for the compassionate approach to generational clutter.

As the family historian and the keeper of many of my family's historical items, and having already minimized my own possessions, I am now down to the 1%-2% of my possessions that haven't been minimized yet, namely these historical items. To be honest, as the family's historian and genealogist, it is a task that I don't mind, however, I am faced with the issue of how to process these remaining items and make sure they are dealt with in a responsible manner. I take it as a personal quest to properly identify, catalogue, preserve, and pass along these family items within reason. It has been a process of slowly going through item after item and determining how best to deal with them. I personally feel a responsibility to at least make sure that they are preserved in some way so that they are not lost forever. It is important to me. Some of the items are common and if no one wanted them, they were easy enough to sell, or give away, others, like family bibles, have been passed on to suitable family members. Photos and paper documents are in the process of being scanned. It's a formidable task with the goal being to preserve them digitally for future generations to enjoy. It is a labor of love and is a way for long-deceased family members to be remembered in some way.

Fantastic episode. A very real subject for many.

When my parents died I got rid of things without really thinking it through and wish now that I kept the valuable things. At the time I didn't realize their value.

Swedish death cleaning!! Admitting and accepting what we think is important to others many not be. Being able to have open conversations about our lives, what is important to those in our lives and how we want to be remembered all contribute to shedding the materials of our lives.

This came at such a perfect time. I really want to help family with removing their junk but not at the expense of my time and space. Gives me insight on how to approach the situation moving forward and a reminder to not carry the guilt. Thank you!

I’d love to see Dana K. White on your show.

Packrattery!! It's my new favorite word!! Love you guys too!

The struggle is REAL.

Keep a couple of pieces like that 1907 yearbook. Get a big dumpster and some help and get the house cleaned out in a day. For 8 month I saw the son of my 100 year old neighbor lady emptying out her house. It was painful to watch. And that lady was not a hoarder at all. She just had to move to a elder care facility because she was not able to keep up her household anymore.

For me, before I even start looking at things, I have a keep bin a throw bin and a not sure bin. I won’t do anything until I’m organized to be clear and intentional

Thank you for this! My mom hasn’t thrown anything away for the majority of her life. I’m dreading the day she leaves this earth. I will be mourning her death as well as the months of my life it will take me to get rid of her stuff. I’m not going to do this to my daughter.

I think it's important to take it one day at a time. You don't have to take care of it today, tomorrow, or in a month. Try to just take it one day at a time.

Throwing things away, please restate to donating things. 15 coffee makers do not belong in the dump. Someone can use them. Things don't disappear they go somewhere and in the dump is not a good solution.

Generational stuff is just stuff that takes over the house. Also, don't allow anyone to keep buying your kids toys and bring them to your house. Make them keep them at their house. They stop buying. Their spending problem is not your problem.

Tread carefully here. Make a list /photograph the items and send to family members, so they can have an opportunity to have those items if they desire. Set a timeline for them to pick up or make their own arrangements to get the items. You will find out who really wants the items-or not-It will lift the guilt off of your shoulders when you give away or sell the items. You can also snap a few photos of the yearbook pictures rather than keeping the whole yearbook.

Perfect timing.

So excited to see you guys at Ramsey's Solutions on May 9!!

Joshua, loved the emphasis you put on the word "doilies," although I realize you probably didn't mean to. Lol.

Great Topic 👏 All our ancestors still live in our cells 💚 not in things.

Yep Donate to Cedar Rapids IA ,library I’m going to check when my grandma was in school there . Wow year 1907 .

I fear my parents dying in the future. Not just because I love them and will miss them, but also because I know I will have to get rid of all their shit that I now own. Seeing how many items are in just one room is overwhelming when I think of the amount work that will have to be done. Burning the house down or letting sister or somebody else(who will hate me for not helping out) deal with it without me sounds incredibly appealing at this point.

My mom gave me some old crappy art instruction books since I'm an artist. They were outdated and of no use to me. I had no problem getting rid of them. A minimalist shouldn't have any problem getting rid of anything they don't want or need.

Anyway to be to minimize when your also a prepper? I'm sure there's a way to be prepared at a minimum and in a organized way. Maybe this would be a great tropic for the next episode. Also a few years back I took a 30 days minimalist challenge and hit the mark with in less a week. Sadly I may have accendently gave away my wedding by accident and that because while I was doing the challenge I we packing up to get to move out. After these few years later I can't find it😔. So a word of advice of you moving out and think it's a good time to go through everything and get rid of stuff; it's a great time to do it just be care and make sure you grab the right bags and things before you drive off happily to Goodwill; like I may have done. I prayer to the Lord Jesus that's it still some where around here in a box and I over looked it.

Some of my enemies are now my good friends. It's amazing what commutation can do.

Try “this is lovely. I can’t take it but I would like to hear the story about what makes it special.”

Ryan an his Oma 😀 Greetings from Germany

Just listening to this story I am imagining it and it's making me feel uncomfortable and I am getting anxious

My son donated actual historical documents to the US Holocaust Museum. He also digitized lots of photos and movies. My brothers and I spent a week sorting and shredding 30 year old hospital and car repair bills. Tina, Al's wife

Brilliant suggestion to record your mom's comments on her life.

I have young children and as they outgrow certain items is it okay to save a couple of them for my future grandchildren?

Yeah but it is sad my mum is 94 and she has actually has nothing from her child hood no drawings no toys no trinkets nothing when she was a teenager just nothing and from my dad only he’s passport army discharge papers and birth certificate at least there is something but for mum nothing that’s sad I think and great tip asking her questions recording her from life will do 👍🏻

This episode hit home for me but I still didn't feel like it fit my situation. My mom is still living and is an organized hoarder. She is also a geneologist, so ALL. The heirlooms have a story. She wants it all to be meaningful to me and for me to want it and just sore it if I don't set it out. She comes to my house and asks where specific things are. She says things like you get rid of things to quickly and other very hurtful things like, "you are dishonoring the memory of your dad by not keeping this or by it not being meaningful to you" 😢 we are talking... 6 plus sets of five China, paintings, furniture, even a vintage car in my garage. I just want the mental and physical space to have fun with my young kids. But if i release those things before she dies, it will kill her and what's left of our strained relationship. But she has no one else. Side note... She refuses therapy. I hate to say it but the boxes of stuff are just waiting in my garage until she passes. Is there anyone else in this situation?

I’m sure y’all have already talked about this many times but I haven’t heard it yet from you guys. What about year books? I have old year books that I don’t want to get rid of, but at the same time I’ve been wanting to through them away. Any ideas?

family history is important. I know the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints is asking people to take photos of family records and other history to help people find their ancestors. Take pictures then donate. I know my Grandma passed it took the whole family to empty her house and a whole month with 5 trailers to empty and sell the good furniture at auction.

I told my husband and kids, if I pass away, turn my ashes into 4 diamonds and one of my kids and husband keep it as a ring or necklace

If i passed the blankets my mil has made me i would be murdered. But there are so many of them

Another problem with inheriting a historical item (like I have) is which of your children do you pass it down to?!!

I'm English so maybe it's an American term but what is a 'Kondo?'