Ep. 389 | Attached to Clothing 

What clothes do you have trouble letting go of?

I donated my wedding gown to a lady who created 3 or 4 burial outfits for stillborn children and it means the world to me knowing I was able to bless families in their time of deepest heartache.

Here's a tip. My son died in 2017 and I'd been holding on to his clothes. Recently, I washed them, put them in a box and decided to ask the first homeless person I saw, who locked the same size, if he wanted them. He had 1 leg and was in a wheelchair. I asked where could drop them off. He was part of a program through a local healthcare facility that used a hotel to house a lot of people with mental illness. I took the clothes there and immediately became surrounded by people who also needed clothes. But, wash the clothes and put them in a box and in the car so they're ready to go to someone when you see they're in need.

I'm so proud of my teen daughter. She decluttered her room and we will be donating 3 bags of clothes. She has cleared empty shelves now and said that her room feels calmer. She read a whole book that day in one sitting!

TK has been the absolute best addition!!!!

Wear whatever you like..but keep in mind- other people have to see you. After my brother died I stayed at my sis-in-laws & I was wearing a lot of grey & it was depressing her. So I started wearing lighter, brighter colors to help cheer her up a bit. I actually started feeling better also. Sometimes we can try to get outside of ourselves.

I still have the shorts I was wearing the day I met my (ex and only) husband in 1984. I look at them in awe because they are so tiny, and they also trigger a happy memory of a very special day. Marriage didn't work out, but I have three great children from it. I'm not sure I can ever get rid of them.

My sister helped me go through my clothes once using the “when was the last time you wore this?” method. Found in December I had no sweaters.

Most relevant show ever for someone who has a full wardrobe in multiple sizes for multiple seasons....

To Jessica…… I hear something different in what you are saying. “Mountain of Laundry”. How often do you do laundry a week? Are you saving it for once a week? If you have access to a washer and dryer in your home…. Maybe consider washing all your scrubs on Sunday and all your sweats on say Wednesday to break it up so it isn’t a Mountain and the flow is more easily manageable. It sounds like all of your clothes are needed and worthy of keeping. Just overwhelming in the process of washing them. I understand full loads. Dishes, clothes, etc…. But I also understand peace in routines to keep chaos under control.

Since losing weight , I now fit into all of my clothes , it is so awesome to be able to wear Everything!

It can get tough with clothes when you get pregnant. I was losing weight, gave away my maternity stuff and then I got pregnant again. Friends and family have been giving me baby things and maternity clothes, but now I am storing the clothes I want to wear after I’m done with pregnancy. And it feels cluttered, but I know it’s a season and once the opportunity of pregnancy is over, then I feel I can finally declutter and be done!

If she still uses and loves the clothes she has, but they stress her out (maybe her closet is too full or whatever), then she can always put seasonal clothes out of sight when not in use. I put mine in a vacuum bag under the bed, during the off-season. Just to give my closet a bit of breathing room, and to keep the seasonal items from getting dusty in the closet. So if she still finds joy in having that spring coat, maybe having it available seasonally but not in her face everyday is a happy medium. But if she would find just as much joy in wearing her 'Fall' coat in the spring, then the spring coat should be donated.

I love clothes, I collect them it’s my form of self expression. You will pry my clothing from my cold dead hands. When they have holes I still wear them. It’s not necessarily a bad thing. I will be one of those wildly dressed old ladies. And no man should be telling any woman what to do with their clothing. It’s like telling a lion how to eat with a fork. Aspirational dressing needs to be addressed though, either rise up to the confidence level of the clothing you purchased because you only live once and bought it because you want to project the image that garment conveys or accept you are really a simple person and stop buying them. I am turning 50 and I realize at 40 I got lazy and comfortable when I found my second wind in perimenopause and rediscovered my self expression I know my 50s are going to be a really fun decade of looking fabulous and NOT giving AF about what image I project-fancy pants or not. I live once and I’m going to look fly.

If these clothes are absolutely useful and you love them, you can do seasonal capsule. Eg. During summer, select the useful clothes that you will happily wear, and then put away the rest. Reflect and repeat the process just before Autumn.

Joshua's comments about coercion really resonated with me. My ex-husband told me soon after our divorce that what he missed most about me was buying clothes for me. Very weird! I would come home from seeing my family back east alone and he would have set out new clothes all over the bed for me to try on and wear. He pushed limits on "appropriateness" in many ways and to see how I dress now as a 54 year old and twenty years plus post divorce, no one would guess that version of me was even possible. Many of the clothes were disturbing, but I wore a good portion of them in public to "make him happy." So much happier now dressing myself without someone else trying to manipulate and control me. It is creepy to me now in retrospect.

TK’s thoughts at minute <a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="990">16:30</a> is everything 🙏🏻

I recently lost weight so needed new clothes. I am still hanging on to the larger stuff just because I might need them… I sometimes lament about items I got rid of. So far I am mostly shopping second hand. Weight loss can sometimes be difficult to sustain.

“Style isn’t as much about how much you own, as much as it’s about how much you own it.” (*mic drop*) I love this! Thanks T.K.!!

Damn! We went from “get rid of the red dress” to “ get rid of the dude” sooo fast 😂

Love the caring direct but kind approach of the new presenter. Bless

Oh goodness, I REALLY needed to hear this podcast! I've been struggling w/ years of clothing build up. I've stopped shopping as much due to that but I still have years of things I'm hanging onto for either sentimental reasons or just the what if I want to wear this sometime, or what if I lose the weight, or for variety. I do love variety but can't stand clutter! I will be implementing all of your suggestions...thank you!!! Also recycling is VERY important to me! I will be either donating or giving to an organization that recycles fabrics, they have those now.

I used to do what you do...get rid of something immediately if I put it on and I hated it. But then i realized that women's hormones change the body so frequently, that I needed to be a bit more patient because it's a little tricker dressing the body during different times of the month. Just a thought to add to this conversation about a minimalist wardrobe!

TK’s thoughts at minute <a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="990">16:30</a> is everything . TK has been the absolute best addition!!!!.

I have so much respect for you all not being sell outs. Seems most of the you tube peeps out there now have ads for everything from mattresses to what kind of laundry soap I “should” use because they get it free!!!!!!!!!!!

Ithink clothing is a huge issue for hoarding especially w women . Id like to see more clothing minimalism inspo / content.

Yesss!!! Let that friend (or spouse…) GO! 👏 I’ll never let someone tell me what to wear again. 🥰

You guys saved my life and changed it forever . THANK YOU!❤

You can get clips or cinch it tools to make clothes more form fitting, has helped me to keep clothes I need instead of letting go and buying more clothes.

Golden handcuffs. Thank you TK for putting in words something I have often felt, especially when it comes to work!

❤ What a fun episode. I released 5 small bins of “stuff” today. I donated it to a stranger doing some work in our community 😂. I feel so good today for reducing items in my kitchen, closet & bathroom. It’s taking some time to make these adjustments (about 3 years) and I’m happy to say I just noticed tiny holes in two of my favorite shirts 😂 I wear for work…progress.

A friend of mine is a pilot and he has a great saying which they use in flying which I apply to clothing (new purchases or stuff I already own) "If there's doubt, there's no doubt"

Im 32 and just now understand. It made me gross when my mom kept some of my baby clothes with dust and the smell yuck. I have twins and I get rid of their old stuff immediately I hate hoarding it did make me sad but pictures do help and the thought of another baby can use these clothes

I REALLY loved the idea of selecting 33 pieces of clothing, accessories and other items and box up the rest for 30 days. This is the only thing that I think is going to work for my very stubborn addiction to my stuff. Thank you! Been struggling for YEARS on this. Love the idea! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

Every couple of months I go through my closet and donate a few items but then I go shopping for cute new pieces since I lost 30lbs, I just love new clothes....and so the cycle continues....

I feel good wearing all of my jackets & coats… clothing is an art of expression to me. I hate having the same look. I have a lot of clothes because I love variety but I think am going to get rid of the repetition.

You guys are Still killin it!! Love ur podcasts. Thanks ❤

I hate gaining and losing weight over the years, I cnt afford to get rid of my different sized clothes that I might fit again in a few months..

I love this. I been outsider most of my life. I do wear what I want. I do art so I tend to think out of the box. T-shirt and jeans or sweats and sneakers is my thing. I do get occasional nice shirt for certain occasions. I like that u found inspiration anywhere.Key when doing my art.Thanks from Hatboro Pa.

“It’s always okay to let go of someone who is trying to coerce you because coercion is not consent. But also, convincing, persuading, manipulating - those things aren’t consent either - that’s unloving.”

I just turned all my hangers around. Once I wear it & still like it I will put it back in the closet with the hanger the proper way. 3 months is my goal. The clothing whose hangers remain facing forward are going to find a new home. The amount of clothing I am blessed with is overwhelming to me. Wish me displine!

As someone with a tiny closet space, and limited access to the washer and drier (I share it with 15 other apartments, and there are limited and inconvenient time slots), keeping a limited wardrobe it actually very tricky. Because I need enough clothes to last me about 2-3 weeks (so I can also spend my weekends socialising - not just doing laundry). But I also need it to be small enough to fit the space, and versatile enough to leave room for some creativity.

Ideas for the red dress...Wear a black sweater over the top (so it looks like a skirt) and tall black boots. Try a long black cardigan, black opaque tights and short boots. Try adding a lot of your black to it and see how that feels. Try it as a person willing to try new ideas. But in the end, if it just feels too different and awkward, then tell him thanks, you tried, it's not working for you.

I like rotating clothes, so I usually keep more than I should. I did stop buying purses though, because I have some expensive ones and I see no need to buy anymore.

Since working from home and realising I have sensory issues with fabric, I essentially wear a uniform: 100% cotton tshirt, cashmere/merino jumper, good quality fleecy jogging bottoms. GOODBYE uncomfortable button-down shirts and skirts and dresses. I live in Scotland so also have a few options in serious-level coats and boots if I really have to leave the house in winter!

With the red dress, I liked the idea of compromise, with making certain he understands that you don't feel comfortable, so you won't be wearing it often Example, my husband LOVES this one perfume that I was never crazy about. He never pushes me to wear it, though I own it. On certain special occasions where I really want to be emotionally closer to him, I wear it.

OK, I"m going to go against the grain here, and I am a huge fan of project 333. If you're wearing a red sweater, every day, for a year, people have noticed. They may have been polite and not said anything, but they noticed. Whether it matters or not, or whether we think it matters to them more than it does is the key to the story, but I'm not buying, 'hey, nobody said a thing'. Oh yeah, it was noticed. But to the person who made that experiment work for a year, it just didn't matter. Was she happy? All good then.

So inspiring. I’m going to start a project 33 with my pairs of shoes. Thanks & keep on the good work 💚

Listening to the "red dress" question brought back a memory from high school: a classmate asked me to prom, and I didn't really want to go with him but said I'd think about it...and THEN he started telling me how I should wear my hair, that "this" way looked better than when I wore it "that" way. That's when I gave him a firm NO.

I am not a clothes hoarder (dont like shopping unless i need a specific item) but recently finished decluttering my closet that still had items from highschool (nothing wrong with that in general but it was time). I decided instead of the 90day/6mo rule i keep clothes for 2 seasons. We have very hot summers and moderately cold (multiple snow/ice days) winters, so i will keep seasonal items for either 2 winters or 2 summers. The reason is that sometimes i still like & want an item but dont have occation to wear it, if that happens 2yrs in a row the item has to go. The rest of my "3 season"/ "all year" clothes get weeded out about every 6mos. The problem is i then need to go replace items lol

My husband learned very early in our relationship not to comment on my clothes or hair. We have been married for 31 years. 😂

I am a stylist but I consider myself a minimal enough stylist, I allow myself to have 4 duplicates (slightly different versions, like white pants but different styles and cuts) of the same item, like trousers, jackets, as I use them for work all the time and they serve the purpose. And I own some other items that are my personal wardrobe. I tried to use super minimal wardrobe consisting of just one item per category, and create content as a stylist but that didnt work for me, content was too repetitive and boring and people were not interested.

I love that - shopping in my closet - thanks, Nancy

Loved myself with shopping trips. Not in any relationship with a significant other. Size has been up and down. Trendy style and patterns draw my attention in and I dont have a completed outfit w/o my multiple clothing articles

I needed this today! Im going go go thru my drawers today.

TK you are amazing…so much wisdom ❤

Where I live I have 4 seasons. I can't just hvea few things.

I like this. Good motivation to declutter. ❤

Yes, agree. Classic, simple QUALITY clothes SHOWS!

I have 15 jackets and love everyone of them

I love the wardrobe behind you on the pic!! 😂

For New England weather, it might make sense to put a winter coat and ski gear away in the spring, but the weather is pretty much set on random from March to October - we need layers all those months. The caller said she has a mountain of laundry to do every week. I suspect she's washing clothes after every single time she wears them. Unless her scrubs get actually dirty at work, she could probably wear them twice between washings, so that would reduce how much laundry to do and how many sets of scrubs she has to have in her drawer/closet. To reduce visual stress and avoid buying new ones, she could keep the extras in a suitcase or otherwise stored out of sight until the ones in rotation get worn out. Also, during mud season, pants can be protected by wearing leg gaiters.

If you like the dress , wear it. If you don't... don't! ❤❤❤❤

I have a lot of clothes. Most second hand. The ones on the racks I want to keep for now, and I am cyclic: I might not wear one thing for a year, but then it become my favourite thing again... So these are my second priority. But I got lots of "still good enough for at home" clothing in drawers. Those I need to attack first. "Aspirational clothing" is a great term! I definetely have about 5 of those. Waiting for an event I can wear them too. I need to just wear them! And I am attached to it all. But when I moved from a house to 2 BR I got ridd of 10 IKEA bags of stuff. I will try to wear things out and not buy new stuff unless I LOVE it and let go of 3. That's been helpful: for every clothing in I get rid of 3. I will never be a minimalist and clothes are my passion, but the techniques are still helpful. I want to use AND express myself through clothing. I think I need to aim for a middle road between minimalis and maximalism.

First time listening to you guys! It was great and It will be great to meet the woman laughing in the background. She’s hilarious 🤣

“Oh my stars” -Malabama, about Becks looking like the Hamburglar, so funny!

Thanks for saying that preferrences are ok. I'm autistic and I hate going out for dinner, social environments and stuffy clothes. I'm always stigmatised by family for not joining in/wearing jogging bottoms. I have noticed that they don't make any effort to join in with my activities so I have come to the conclusion that I don't want to be a trophy. I'm not doing that stuff anymore unless I authentically have a desire to do it. To be honest, this isn't even a preference for me because if I get sensory distressed it damages my mental health. There is a quote Elyse Meyers uses,' if I'm too much then go get less'. In my case I want to do less for my health, so 'if my doing less is too much for you, go do your too much elsewhere'!

It's how you pull it off. W/o being able to go home I went w/my work T w/ jeans shorts under a black wrap raincoat, bright scarf, black boots for last min. Invite to arts performance!!!! Used a little soap for hair gel & lipstick tripled for cheek & eye!!

If a man i am dating buys me a dress. I will wear it!! To make him smile and improve the relationship between us. I would also show him what I like. It only takes one compliment for a women to realize she looks good in it. I donated to a homeless shelter to give clothes to people who need them.

I can really relate to "golden handcuffs" in terms of expensive clothing (good though from T.K. <a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="333">5:33</a> ): They feel nice, skin touch is superior, it looks amazing, but in truth it limits my freedom of doing things. I have to think where I sit and walk (not to damage expensive cloth), when they get dirty I need to take extra care washing them, if I damage them I feel sad (because they worth lots of money and I can not afford to buy new one easily to replace the damage one) and so on.

Hi TK!!!! I only watch when you are on…. You are so smart!!!

I need this today😮

All u gentlemen are awesome!

Oooo golden hand cuffs!!!! Havent heard that term with stuff but i 100% have experienced this. Particularly with " nice kids clothes.... Or white ones. My kids are very active. The cozy, inexpensive or second hand clothing makes me a better parent then the fancy mall name brands. I am not a master at stains and my kids can not go near food, paint or mud without having it attack them in some way. Not having attachment to clothing is so important. The fancy dresses that hang in a closet unworn or the sneakers you cant get dirty have been hinderances to us. Its a good thing to think about if you have kiddos. Are their nice clothes holding them back from joy or are you when they are wearing it? Also... Black pants and shorts or dark colors on the bottom have been our friend. A family member likes to buy white clothes and tell some of them to act like ladies.... Well .... My ladies sure love adventures. 😉

New subscriber here... Thanks so much for the content! 😊

Just because people don't point out that you always wear the same clothes doesn't mean that they don't notice and/or that it looks good.

♡ ☆ ♡ I need to purge clothing...going to go through the piles, & ask myself...DO I actually wear this ? Have I worn it in the past year ? Do I think it serves me ? How long have I had this, & not worn it ? Then I'm going to sell on line, consign, or donate these items. Then reward myself with a small reward, or purchase something that I need...like a new pair of jeans, or sneakers. Can't wait to clear my clutter !! ♡ ☆ ♡

I like the challenge and simplicity of being able to carry my entire wardrobe in a carry-on bag. When I went on an epic Alaska cruise, going from 90 degree to 40 degree weather without "winter wear," I just layered up and down as needed. Plus, I cleaned up nicely for the two formal nights. Instead of paying extra for laundry services or wasting time in the ship's laundromat I just handwashed items as needed and air dried them. It was a fabulous trip that included a tour of the US on Amtrak, lasting four weeks altogether. One carry-on bag for me and one shared carry-on bag full of wine for us to share. Epic!

1st time here ... love this ... especially the discussion around the red dress and preferences and ultimately what are we willing to do or not do for peace ... loved the discussion

I just moved into a caravan, thank goodness it's outside my parents house because I'm storing a shelf of my winter sweaters, coats etc that I would not be able to fit in here if not. But i like all my black sweaters.. haha also i don't have money to replace things so I won't buy anymore for a couple years because I have plenty to last 😬

Funny - maximal edition from the minimalist ! Kind of catchy.

I learned early on to never buy clothes for my partners. Unless they love hoodies....the it's all about the right size. You will almost always be wrong about size and style.

This is interesting...but as an artist i NEED all my stuff to make art....🎉

Can't believe TK got cut off before his Maxim! He should never be abbreviated, except in his name. LOL

One of the reasons I opted to divorce was due to his unrelenting hoard. He wasn’t willing to compromise and literally every room was over run with THINGS. I literally lost my sanity.

I like @<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="336">5:36</a> and the golden handcuff phenomenon.

Loved this one, thanks 😊

Ep 390 please ❤

Many times in my opinion with lots of psych experience with my patients, black is normally exclusively worn for a reason. That’s not to say there are exceptions and it’s just a preference. The ones that come to mind 1) there is some sort of mourning of something that happened or is happening in that person’s life that causes sadness due to a loss (not necessarily a death) 2) lack of confidence in oneself 3) trying to not draw attention to oneself (form of hiding) 4) trying to look thinner. There are others but it’s possible that there is some form of psychological influence. I would want to dig deeper on wearing nothing but black. The red dress is a little drastic for that individual you mentioned, maybe try a dark navy blue to start. Shout out to Johnny Cash! Love you guys, made me laugh several times on this topic. I’m doing way better myself with not keeping things I don’t wear and there is a pride in that! Thanks guys.

The biggest problem with women's clothes is how quickly they change (cut, material). I am very hippy and found one brand of pants that fit great. So i bought like 8 of them! So that I have backups after some wear out. The brand is still there, but the pants have been redesigned and no longer fit me (I'm the same weight). I also go looking on Poshmark for shoes I already own and love to find backups when I wear through them. Fast fashion and consumerism makes maintaining my wardrobe more complicated because I can't rely on the same thing being available when I have worn through a piece of clothing or shoes.

Well, I guess I don’t have to do the 33 project because that’s probably all I have all totaled. So I do live in Minnesota, so I do have some seasonal clothing. Being a fan of thrift stores , high-end ones in particular. I do have to constantly weed out stuff as I bring home. The red dress thing, maybe he’s outgrown her wardrobe and would appreciate her in a dress…something different maybe more fem

Searched It stands for Dana Thompson Memorial Fund of Awesome In Portland, OR

I’m in the process of a total downsize as I prepare to sell my house. Widowed for only a year and a half, I’m deep in the process of going from losing to leaving the life I led for over 30 years. Because we knew he was going to die, I ‘d already packed up and separated out the clothes and items that would leave when he did…even though he was bedridden for a long time, I couldn’t bring myself to donate his suits (which he wore when he’d been healthy) or dress shirts, but in the week after he died, my children were totally able to take those pre-packed items away - so I didn’t need to go through his stuff. The problem now is finding his written notes, the traces of his life which are functionally meaningless, but reflect the very fact of who he was. Those parts hurt and so I mourn, toss, and save a bit too. Because I’m writing these rules of the heart. The one thing I’ve really come to appreciate is the concept of Swedish Death Cleaning. It is a gift we can give to our heirs, because picking up that hairbrush with a few hairs clinging will break the heart all over again.

The smaller sized ones are my hardest clothes to get rid of. I always hope someday, I will be thin again. Not going to happen but I feel like I am really giving up hope if I get rid of them. It's a struggle. I am so minimalist with other things but the thin clothes are rough.

<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="528">8:48</a> love this! It’s gone!

What about those who save smaller sized clothing because maybe I will loose the weight and fit into them? That is totally me. Over the years she weight has crept up and now I own many sizes 😢

OMG! I need to cancel out the majority of my clothes! I moved into a3bd 3 bath condo and all of the closets are full!

My ex had a chart for his pants and shirts so he would not wear same thing close together. Like rotating days for blue, black and khaki pants.

We have a saying in Scotland when buying something good quality that we know we'll get a lot of wear from: "this'll see me out". Eg I bought a Barbour jacket in 2015 and I will probably wear it to my own funeral.

Where can I find the brands of clothes that you guys are wearing?