This is a brilliant way to style your communication techniques Hi good morning thinking of you.... I wanted to share with you this brilliant work by this author that has benefited me along my path.... I thought you might really enjoy this since we share the same dreams.
She was worried about teaching these techniques to people with bad intentions. However, it’s better that SHE teach them and she get a chance to convince them to use it for good
*Competence without warmth leaves people suspicious.* This makes so much sense. I can see how this works for online dating, first dates, making new friends.. Love it!!
Exactly! Great channel by the way! Keep up the great work! Your channel solves a huge problem for a lot of people, you're doing excellent! Thank you :)
Be mindful of yourself during social interaction. It's a muscle in your brain that needs training. Don't overdo, learn to read a room, read cues.. and be genuine, empathetic, caring, but always carry your own will. Don't let anyone gaslight or steamroll you.
"Charisma is the perfect blend of being likeable & powerful." (likeable, friendly, compassionate trustworthy + powerful capable impressive). If you count the number of warm words you are using vs competence words u are using, you will see how u come across to others. "Competence without warmth leaves people feeling suspicious ... " “As humans, we first meet another human, the very first question we ask about them is, ‘Can I trust you?’ ...the next question is, ‘Can I rely on you?’” ----------------- Achievement-oriented words: win, succeed, master, achieve. Just adding in a couple of achievement oriented words would change participants behavior, performance &motivation. Warmth-oriented words:
What she said getting the right energy ! just had guest over at my house, and to hear a real live loud laughter, was such a joy ! Connection is so healthy.
Vanessa Van Edwards is incredible. Really incredible how knowledgeable she is and even more incredible how well she teaches others. I love listening to her. Her knowledge and teaching has helped me a lot.
A. MAZ. ING. This video leaves me speechless. How is it that I learn so much about myself in 62 minutes? Tom, your videos are changing my life SO much. You are my superhero. Thank you for your life changing topics and your gracious spirit to share.
Thank you for sharing how this has helped you so much, Carole! Came across your comment and it was intriguing to read! What did you learn so much about yourself when watching this? Would love to know! :)
@@NathalieLazo After your question I actually went back and listened to it again. There's SO much in this hour. I've been trying to connect with people on a deeper level and be a better wife/mom/friend. I learned that some of the communication cues I give off may be cold. So being very deliberate about the cues I am sending is important to me. Also, I learned about depth of connection in the way we ask questions and the depth at which I listen. I've always considered myself a social moron (my words) and want to deepen my closest relationships along with deepening other relationships. I grew up with a passive aggressive parent that also raged at me and I never understood why as I really tried to be a compliant daughter and mostly stayed out of her way. Consequently, I always played small. I'm learning to find my voice again and, although I've been outwardly successful, I have an estranged adult son that I am desperate to re-connect with. I want to improve my relationships all the way around and deeply appreciate what I learned here. Likable and Powerful = Charisma.
@@CJoyArt These are all incredible insights, Carole. Thank you for taking the time to share. The fact that you went back and rewatched and wrote out your detailed thoughts of what you’ve learned, you’ve got a lot out of it! Which means that with your sense of awareness, you’re going to apply these new skills to better communicate with others. Thank you for your honesty. Super happy for you in advance! Keep us all posted on how it’s going for you. Best of luck in all your relationships, Carole.
@NathalieLazo I know I am a bit late on this, but it does my heart good to see this type of support for others in the comments. There is so much negativity these days, it is genuinely refreshing to see human beings give one another support like this! God bless
I agree. On certain things but I think you’re genuine. Vannessa there there is no need to be terrified, your a beautiful person what’s not to love your good your Ora really takes me out of my comfort zone to be a better person than what I can be, thank you so much dearest.
I love this woman I’ve re listened to this conversation several times, somethings I’ve come around on…I’ll still submit that errors can be made by teaching your child to judge facial expressions to mean anything other than an emotion a person is experiencing…. Your culture is not the only culture people make different faces when thinking about various experiences…the danger I’m concerned with is the child being conditioned to assign false meanings…furthermore if a kid is frowning on the playground it may be because no one is playing with them so you teach your kid to leave the lonely kid alone….
So amazing... At about 57:55 she started to do the "vocal fry". It's so interesting because that's the moment that she started to talk about her deepest fear. Her vocal fry showed how she didn't want to talk about it but she pushed through it and still expressed the moments of her life
This is one of the most important videos I've watched at this time in my life. As the leader of my company and trying to instill confidence and competency in my team and even my family... This was so valuable to me!!!!
Starting early is the best way of getting ahead to build wealth,investing remains the priority. Forex trading has plenty of opportunities to earn a decent payout,with the right skills and proper understanding of how the market works
What a striking coincidence,Expert Mrs blossom Jefferson changed my financial life tremendously I was able to pay off my loan $50000 with her methods, her method works like magic
At about the 52:00 mark, she said something that I try to do. If I am going on a date, I arrive before hand, and get chatty and friendly with other people. It helps a lot.
I like Tom and Vanessa seems nice but, I am tired of people saying "if they blink like this, or look that way, or scratch their throat, nose, or bla bla bla bla then their lying" I have an anxiety and dissociative disorder along with other mental health issues and I am not lying to people when I move involuntarily I am dying of discomfort from existing as a human with trauma, and I am thinking about how I just want to cease to exist and I know many other people flinch a ton when they are anxious, dissociating, and depressed too and it does not mean they are lying, especially when having to talk about trauma it is so painful because it is like reliving it again and most of us often flinch when talking about trauma.
Cues are so essential. My favorite line that will stick with me is to figure out what you are leaking. I think the word choice of “leaking” is extremely purposeful and it changed my perspective
To the *incredible person* that's seeing this, I wish you all the best in life❤ don't over blame yourself, accept things and go forward. Don't let others define what “success” is for you. Get up, learn the skills needed and get after it, all the keys to a happy life is in your hands. Keep pushing.
Tom, this was mindblowing! I am dying to see a follow-up on these principles that explores the dark side. Politics would be a great sphere to explore. For example, I didn't vote for Trump (although I typically go Republican), and I really disliked him, but I can't deny he displayed some sort of charisma. How did he get so many followers? Most of my coworkers in the news media simply believed that his followers were just ignorant and easy to manipulate. The math of that explanation didn't add up for me: 47% of our population is a giant number to write off with such an assertion. Are there different kinds of chrisma? I am ready to go total Jedi in my explanation. And now I've just Sithed myself. Tom...please have remarkable Vanessa on Conversations with Tom and explore...if you dare. See, I get your deepest fear: not being fearless to explore any human narrative to its head water. Love your mission. Thank you!
People kept saying they felt Trump was so real. Like he was talking straight to them. His simple language was a genius! I didn't like him either and felt he was dumb at times and way too raw and even obnoxious, but it worked. Fascinating. He also knew NLP real well too!
@@MoneyStrategiesSOULutions Scott Adams, the Dilbert cartoonist, predicted Trumps victory over Hillary Clinton. Adams has studied hypnotism, and claimed that Trump's speaking style, repetition of phrases and body language were indicators of the use hypnotic techniques. I'd love to know if that was the case.
Vanessa , it's so true as you stated in the previous video in impact theory that hand gestures are so important when u give a speech or podcast, like the way Simon Sinek did in his first Ted talk. Oh my Gosh ! I have been repeatedly watching your videos and i have discovered the main reason for that was your hand gestures in every video. This makes your videos so lively.
Watching her in action is as fascinating as it is inspiring! Watching her gestures while she relays information is akin to enjoying a dance performance. And to get Tom out of his head, was brilliant! He often appears mad when I think he only intends to look interested.
This is an absolutely fascinating set of interviews. Some really super insights. Vanessa is a genius and you have also got the best out of her through powerful questions.
Once again obsessed with your show and with Vanessa! This was such an amazing value packed episode and I've already shared it with so many people! Thank you both for being epic and amazing real life super heroes! Btw Tom I am one of those touchy people like the girl you met! 😂🤣
I am from India and struggling with my communication. I am feeling hopeless and find this video. So helpful and I tried to apply all technice which are discussed here. Thank you for your efforts.
The tingly feeling is your inner being showing that you are in tune with each other. In that moment you can ask your super you questions or visualize interacting with your desire(s).
*Believe in yourself. You are braver than you think and more talented than you know, and capable of more than you can imagine. Keep putting in the work...*
I deeply enjoyed this interview. I realist I always speak in vocal fry. I sort of already knew this but it was a big unlock for me mentally. I'm going to make a mental note of it
This stood out to me, when you talked about the placement of touch correlating to intimacy, I find that a touch on the hand is much more intimate than a touch on the shoulder. Why is that? I understand the lower on the back the more intimate but if I were touching a friend or a coworker I would be much more comfortable and casual with a shoulder touch than a hand touch.
This is exactly what I needed right now! Vanessa I love the way you express yourself. Excellent interview. Mind-blowing insights. Thank you so much for this 🙏🏼 I've already pre-ordered the audio book.
Sometimes people who are "smart and intelligent" aren't necessarily trying to "show off" at all. I believe it's based more on how they think and what is in the forefront of their thoughts and that is what comes out in conversation. It isn't an intentional ploy to appear "smart or intelligent". Truly intelligent people at times struggle with warmth and social skills. On the other hand, there is the type of person who spews facts on this or that, but their desperation to appear intelligent is almost palpable. It does not, in fact, mean that they are "smart" or "intelligent". Neither type tends to win friends and influence people, but there is still a vast difference.
The severe limitations of emails vs. in-person communication hits all the time. I think it has hit humanity for centuries, as people from every culture with any amount of literacy has striven greatly (sometimes painfully) toward eloquence in the written form. I'd really like to see some lessons on how to turn written communication into something closer to warm, charismatic personal communication.
AMAZING interview. Glad i stumbled on this. THE IMPORTANCE OF THE HANDS and "GIFTING" people energy... something i have been studying while creating a dance project. Loved this a lot. Can't wait to learn more about you both!
We should. Keep the high five it makes me feel like yes we’re good! I’d be better if you were better. Trying to say good things to other people is what I like to believe! I honestly believe that!
I am gonna grab her book, CUES. It seems worth reading after listening to her. Thanks Vanessa and Tom for this wonderful talk. I can't help but laugh at the cue Vanessa sent by touching her nose at 42:06, after telling us the meaning herself. I love you, guys.
I’m traditionally introverted and competent focused in engagement. Increasingly, I’ve been observing how likeable people engage. There’s a performative nature to how they present themselves. It certainly creates connection with those they are engaging. However, I’m curious where does authenticity come in and how do we balance it with the quest for likeability.
Wow, this was a very interesting interview. Have watched certain sections twice to just grasp it completely. Especially the voice cues were intriguing. Pre-ordered the book immediately. Thanks for all the value you both bring, Vanessa and Tom!
Being a sigma-infj since im still a child and just found out what my personality type just recently, just found out why my CHARISMA is PASSIVE for real... im not show off type still i can attract people easily because of my personality type.... sometimes i hate my charismatic chracteristic cause i can attract some toxic type.....
Charisma is why narcissists are so successful! Dr. Ramani Durvursula is a narcissism expert and she says when she sees a charismatic person she runs the other way. At a party she says she is drawn to the quiet person sitting back observing things. Judging by my two husbands alone I would say she is onto something. 💕
That sounds like you're making a false equivalency. Being charismatic and being a narcissistic are 2 different things. Though, I would say that narcissism probably helps someone develop a charismatic personality
