There is no perfect person. There might be a perfect person for you at this point of our life, but as we grow, our expectations of a perfect person changes too. Hence, all relationships need hard work to succeed, they do not fall into our laps.
@@jiawei0917 Exactly, the best one you find today will not be the one in the future because we all grew differently, and there will be another better one in the horizon. And years later, the horizon one will also not be the best and another better one in a further horizon, etc... etc...
@@danieltoh71 but the “perfect one” in the video meaning she will change however you change, she’ll be the one you want in all your horizons. That’s what perfect meant. And I believe there will be one like that for all of us, the one that will change and adapt like how we’ll change and adapt for our wives and children
Perhaps my personal views are: 1) that "perfect" person you just met - you start deducting points on him/her for every imperfection you notice moving forward (and it goes to 0 real fast) 2) that "imperfect" person you are with - you actually make each other perfect through little moments in life (the joy, sad, fights, compromises, etc. it may take a long time to reach 100 but it's worth it)
LKY said something along the lines of, you can adopt the western view on relationships and marry the one you love, or the Eastern view and love the one you marry. Why not both ?
yeah JP solid host. good prep and good conversation starters. cheers guys. btw sherms got it with the ideal partner question - life isn't about the perfect match, because it's about struggle and overcoming it. if everything is on easy mode, you will end up unhappy one.
But a perfect partner meaning you’ll have the perfect struggle and perfect overcoming process that makes you perfectly happy. Meaning perfectly good and perfectly bad. Perfectly balanced
its like what JP said, you will never be able to meet everybody ever, so you really don't know. Thus, your perspective can either be: 1. the person you are currently with is already the best ever, hold on to them tightly because you will never find a better one. OR 2. Every partner you will ever meet will never be the one (100%) because there is always a posibility of meeting your 100% on your next r/s. In the same way, how do you know that you have the best job ever, without ever trying all the different jobs in the world? Does the best job means 100% happiness without any setback? Also, i think it's almost certain that there will never be a perfect one. Because I might not be the perfect one for my perfect one, then what happens when my 100% leaves me for her 100%?
While watching this I suddenly thought of an episode of What We Do In The Shadows where Nandor wishes for the perfect wife - the episode was quite hilarious, but it's quite true to what Shermaine mentioned about "if it's perfect, it's no longer fun/ challenging."
as the video mentioned, the logic is that this perfect person is also perfect because they are willing to accept a non perfect person as their partner. Besides, everyone's definiton of perfect also differs, so technically you can be perfect for someone else too.
This only works if you dont grow or change as a person. How do you judge what's the perfect partner for you? What's perfect for you now might not be perfect for you in afew years later only because as we grow and change, the values we hold dear to us changes too and what we see as "perfect" in someone else changes too. So this hypothetical question doesn't really work unless we never change or grow as a person to begin with.
The perception of your 100% changes as you age, so if u chose this "100%" now, 5 or 10 years down, you have changed your perception of 100%, do you change again?
wah I think I'm at a good level in all 3 mentioned category. tall, above average looking, good car, decent career, no bad breath but single for just shy of a decade (albeit mostly by choice). I struggle with both the idea of being single indefinitely and marriage. jia lat!
The 100% hypothetical seems to come with some underlying assumptions that are potentially untrue. 1) That you will definitely love this person the most, always, compared to anyone else. Consider the many instances of people having multiple suitors and choosing the one that is widely seen as not being the optimal choice. One reason is definitely that they just like the other, ‘better’ candidates less. 2) That the choice is between 100% all-round awesomeness and current shittiness. If your current relationship is going well, there’s little reason to leave because of the weighing of the advs vs disadvs. There’s some - not a whole lot - gain to switching partners, but a lot of downsides. The most obvious would be the negative impact on your partner. Next is personal guilt. Following that is credibility/reputation - including that your new partner thinks of that decision. These assumptions aside, this hypothetical actually already exists somewhat and doesn’t need to be phrased this way. It’s basically asking if you’d leave your current partner when someone you prefer comes along. So basically, is cheating okay? Is it justifiable? That’s essentially what this hypothetical is asking. In fact, I’d argue that the urge to leave would be even stronger when you fall for a third party, as opposed to when you come to know of the existence of the perfect person whom you may or may not fall for. Perfection =/= will fall for them. Reality proves this over and over again.
In this hypothetical scenario, the perfect person comes along and he/she doesn't turn out to be your current partner, it also means that you are not the perfect one for him/her. So if the two of you are willing to stay together despite now knowing without a doubt that you are not the perfect match for each other, would that not be true love?
Even if you find a perfect person.. is it going to be a perfect journey ? a perfect ending ?? No 1 will know.. accidents happen .. and your so call perfect person may not have a prefect ending
Face it that u will not be getting a person u have ideally drafted in your mind. You can meet someone that meets all your checkbox. But u may not end up liking this person. Our ideal changes overtime. What we think is ideal might not be able to accept us w our flaws then things will not last at the end of the day. U don't choose someone because they r good. But someone that is good enough, makes u happy n can take your shit on ur bad days. What makes u think that the person that meets all ur checkbook end up liking u. Maybe at the end of the day this person exist but have no interest in you n that's just waste of ur time to think about it. Even if this perfect person exist one day but u r in a rlly happy n stable r/s already. Then i see no lost. Because as long as love exists nth is impossible for the better. One should stay responsible for an important decision they have choose. If u missed it. U missed it. That's ur life. That's ur fate. Live w it.
I think if such a person does exist I would live my current for that because we only live once. Also what's to stop the other partner from making a similar choice? besidesif we don't pursue it the thought of that person will only eat us up from inside out
I feel like u cannot have the irreplaceable memories with the current partner that u married, and you may have lived quite long together and commited to them and now to drop everything for someone who is perfect but u have to develop things together from scratch with not really worth it. Especially because I feel like getting to be a better partner is growing together
Ok.. before I met my friend I would’ve not raised my hand. But I’ve made friends with someone for around 1.5 yrs and gosh we get along so SO well. To the point where I always feel safe, understood, and happy after I leave meetings with him. We speak to each other in the same wavelength. But the funny thing about me is, I believe in your life you’ll meet a few soulmates (souls that are almost similar to you) they might be male or female, and you’ll feel like you don’t need to explain yourself to them they just get it, and as time pass that sentiment is reconfirmed again and again. So this dude, he’s 100% one of my soulmates. We are like 90% connected- leaving space for 10% of difference. I have another friend who is also my soulmate but we aren’t on the same wavelength for more things so I consider him around a 75% soulmate match. I’m glad that these people came into my life, and even if I don’t love them romantically I love them platonically. The way I look at love has come a long way, I’m completely fine being single and aging that way. I’ve already had my fair share of epic love stories in my life. The funny thing is now I look back in my life and none of my ex-bfs were my soulmates, so I definitely chose wrong. So to answer the Q will I leave my partner for another perfect person? First of all the next person I get together with will 100% be a soulmate of mine. Maybe a 75% match and above. And if a 99% match came along, I’ll be rly surprised that I’m this lucky to have met so many men that are soulmates of mine in one lifetime. I might leave my bf for the 99% match (which doesn’t exist..? I think 80-90% is already super high) .. hmm it will Depend if we are happy, I’ve experienced being happy with a 90% match so I kinda know what the full scale of my happiness is.
No. I wouldn't. ( but not in a r/s ) Even if God in JP's voice say so. There is always that what if, the grass is always greener on the other side. What about the person's bad habits ? Marriage is till death do us part. without seeing the bad habits its yay. if you cannot tahan all the bad habits then " till death do us part. " will turn into a goal. This 5 personalities also scales with the life stage of a person. not age. more like life milestones. one partner achieved this and this but the other person hasn't the one who hasn't might have higher neurotism. and the stress to try and match the partner will add to what ever stress they already have and it will compound. With social norms to confoms the stress will definately increase disparingly according to gender sterotypes. unless both doesn't bother about these. It will rescale the scales of the 5 personalities of both to a match score of compatibility. I agree with JP on loving some one and marrying some one. Its how one is happy of loving some one just as it is. be happy as you are for the person. What ever will be will be. Also there is the me myself and I. that adds to the complicated formula of compatibility. the vibing of a tribe. Who the person is, Who the person wants to others to see, and what every one see the person as. It reflects on why the stats on divorce is so high ? maybe. look at our parents some have milestones of marriage 25 50. Then look at our friends... some haven't even hit 20 year mark... divorce already. To all those that have keep working at it. marriage isn't a goal. It's a life journey... Being committed is also another way of saying time spent. hence partners are willing to forgive for wrongs being done by the other half. but there is only so many chances that one will give. " All it takes is one bad day. " - The killing joke also the summary of Arthur Fleck's version of the Joker I had to rewatch it a 2nd time to pen my thoughts,
if i gacha upon a 6 star partner in my life, i will probably side quest find out more about her cause sometimes when u dig deeper shes actually a 3star material.
JP solid sia. I think he’s referencing the Lex Fridman podcast where he speaks with Shannon Curry (the psychologist that testified on the Johnny Depp trial).
To make a decision on whether would you leave your partner for the "perfect" person, you need to be selfish and think only for yourself then you can make the decision. It's illogical to consider stuffs like whether the other partner are hurt or not due to your decision. You only need to think how to accept the outcome and reaction (e.g. leaving you) from the other party due to your decision; vice versa for your partner. If you think it' F-ed up to leave your partner for the "perfect" person, you are actually F-ed up if you have the mindset that you do/won't do certain things because you think the other party will response in a certain hypothetical way.
