Facing a New Age - Growing Old as Gay Men

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Facing a New Age explores contemporary issues as gay men grow old, common fears and misconceptions, and important details many LGBTQ people don't consider until decades have slipped away.
Don't let your age take you by surprise. Facing a New Age considers several perspectives from gay men of all ages on the topic of ageism and growing old, and the issues uniquely facing gay men--with some hopeful advice from those who have already been down that road.
Facing a New Age was produced and directed by Austen Hoogen in 2008 in cooperation with the Seattle Lesbian and Gay Film Festival, and Gay City Health Project.
This premiere is the first time this important documentary film has been shown in its entirety since its world premiere in December, 2008, at the Northwest Film Forum in Seattle.
Featuring:
- Music by Chris Riffle
- Larry Kramer, playwright and activist
- Lady Bunny, DJ and actress
- Dan Savage, author and activist
- Don Moreland, Washington State Council on Aging
- Bill Stein, openly gay retiree
- Lark Ballinger, Gay City volunteer coordinator and community organizer
- Interviews conducted as part of Gay City's community video project
www.gaycity.org/
threedollarbillcinema.org/
www.rainbowvista.com/

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Опубликовано:

13 фев 2022

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Комментарии : 242

@user-nu4uh9fh1b 6 месяцев назад

I’m 72, have had AIDS since 1987. Buried two lovers of 14 and 20 years from AIDS. I don’t go to bars anymore as one man said most bars are really for younger people and that’s fine. I have a select few friends and I’m happy and happy to be alive after burying a sister, two lovers, my grandparents and parents, but I’m still here and proud of it. Videos like this help me understand my self and the gay community.

@plutodrvv 6 месяцев назад

True in many places but not true of Wilton Manors, FL. There is a place for everyone. Moreover, there is a large older thriving LGBTQ community.

@enriquesanchez2001 6 месяцев назад

I wish I could go to WILTON MANORS more often. But the drive alone makes me think twice. I'm 67 and my friends are either dead or forgot about me. It stinks - big time! @@plutodrvv

@cadaverdog1424 5 месяцев назад

Wow!! What HAVEN’T you done??? Are you a professional grave digger?

@roncantrell2836 4 месяца назад

I’d love to meet you for a cuppa coffee

@eddieharrison3801 4 месяца назад

@@plutodrvv have never heard of the place

@arlosmith2784 7 месяцев назад

I didn't come out until I was 47, I'm now 68. My last 20 years have been the best. 🌈

@nosotrosloslobosestamosreg4115 6 месяцев назад

Same here... at 48.

@ronmcdowell4794 6 месяцев назад

Same here. 48 now I'm 69. Own my own home and am happy.

@marcathens2951 6 месяцев назад

Good for you. I came out at 38 and wish I hadn't. Miserable life as a gay man. 61 now and still alone after 10 years. I had more fun before I came out. I'm treated like a dinosaur no one wants old.

@Djr67 6 месяцев назад

@@marcathens2951that's pretty sad, I came out at 28 I'm 56 now, I haven't really worried about looking for a sex partner in ten years, but there's more to life. Hope you can be happy, look for other joys in life.

@appliancetraining 6 месяцев назад

@@marcathens2951🍺 Here’s to hoping something changes for ya. 🍀

@garyabbott3861 6 месяцев назад

I'm only 86, I'll let you know when I start to grow old.

@davidmolina7543 Месяц назад

😂😂😂❤

@MichaelYoder1961 6 месяцев назад

When I was a kid (18/19) I always dated "older" men (27 was old), because I could have real conversations. Now at 62, I'm still attracted to men my age or older, because we share experiences. I appreciate the beauty of youth, but that gets old pretty fast, and they're going to get old, too (they just don't think they will). Ultimately, I think the gay "community" doesn't honour or embrace elders, because we're so stuck on youth and beauty.

@chetyoubetya8565 6 месяцев назад

That is the world and has very little to do with being gay.

@mr.grumpy 6 месяцев назад

I disagree. The gay culture has a disproportionate fixation with youthfulness.@@chetyoubetya8565

@OneAdam12Adam 6 месяцев назад

Yes, the vapidity is an epidemic.

@OneAdam12Adam 6 месяцев назад

@@chetyoubetya8565Not much of an argument.

@gudlisner501 7 месяцев назад

We lost so many of our contemporaries to HIV/AIDS back then that there are fewer of us around.

@allenjackson1417 6 месяцев назад

Enjoyed this video. I am 85 and just came out a year ago to my family and one or two others. I was not active after I married and that lasted until she died 55 years later. So here I am, never experienced anything with another guy, and never will, but I am still turned on by good looking men, young or old (over 50plus) and understand that the enjoyment of seeing men who I find attractive now constitutes my joy and physical satisfaction. I realize that My time here is growing short, and finding vicarious gay episodes in my life is where I am. No regrets, just acceptance.

@bobsmith5441 6 месяцев назад

Very touching post Allen.

@daodejing81 6 месяцев назад

Wow!!! So happy for you, because it is so liberating to be genuine. I wish I could give you a hug!

@layronbranham2005 6 месяцев назад

Peace and thank you!

@theretreatanimalrescuefarm2758 6 месяцев назад

Beautiful xxx

@user-hy9tr3kh1f 6 месяцев назад

❤❤❤❤❤❤

@bulwerboys6011 6 месяцев назад

I almost didn’t watch this because as a 52 yo gay man I thought the video would be too close to home, but I’m glad I listened to the golden gay gems speak their mind on aging! I didn’t agree with one or two of the commentators but I did with most of them. Aging, along with dying is the great unspoken about elephant in the room with western culture. We need to learn to be open about the fact we are all aging and effectively dying from the day we are born. More compassion is needed.

@justinlwerner 6 месяцев назад

I'm 61. I look my age: I accept that and just work to be the best I can be for whatever age I am. My husband is 78. Yes, we look older. But I don't think I've ever been happier. I. Am. Aging. I'm on way to be actually "old". And I'm OK with that for the most part. I feel sad for these younger men for not accepting that there are seasons of life and that there is something wonderful to be had in all of them.

@RT3319 7 месяцев назад

First of all, I'm so glad I stumbled upon this video - I'm 75.... So much wisdom here - some of it coming from wonderful memories and some from regret... Absolutely loved it when the ol' boy described himself as a weed that they haven't been able to exterminate. What a hoot!!!! Hummmm, I noticed the other comments here mentioned music that was distracting.... Maybe they have since then deleted that from the video, but there was no background music - very little, if any at all. Bottom line, incredibly well done. Many thanks to all who made this possible. Oh, and don't forget: You never get too old to fall in love again.... Take it lovingly by the hand if you're lucky enough to have it walk in through the door - again.... Hugs and best wishes from Yakima, Washington.

@roncantrell2836 6 месяцев назад

Im 70 and known I was gay since I was 14. Ive had HIV 44 years. Ive had no lover, wife, or partner and of course no children. It’s frightening to think of aging much longer with no one in my life to take care of me as I get the problems of old age. Its the loneliness and inability to do the things I have always loved, like playing soccer, hiking, prospecting for gold, riding a motorcycle, and Im poor. Im not at all happy to be entering my 70’s

@lanfaadevahastin4158 4 месяца назад

I feel for you. I too getting older and don't have any children that I can count on . But even if I had,I can't be sure that they will take care of me. Please, live in the present..no one know what the future hold for us..whishing the best.

@roncantrell2836 4 месяца назад

@@lanfaadevahastin4158 I took care of my grandmother for 22 years until she was 95. And now here I am I have no one and it’s getting harder to meet people.

@gregmeissner9960 10 месяцев назад

The interviews are great, the music is exceptionally distracting because the lyrics are basically conversation competing with the speakers.

@barryspurr9577 6 месяцев назад

It’s terrible. I gave up.

@barryspurr9577 6 месяцев назад

It’s terrible. I gave up.

@jean-francoisleduc3319 6 месяцев назад

I agree with you. The background music, with lyrics to boot, is distracting and totally, totally useless and makes it extremely unpleasant to watch this video.

@jean-francoisleduc3319 6 месяцев назад

I guess I should feel blessed. I am 77 y.o have been living with my Asian partner for 32 years now (in an open relationship for the last 15 years), have had a lover in a South Asian country for over 10 years and enjoy the occasional body massage by young men in the South East Asian country where I have been living for the last 33 years. Age is less of a problem in Asia than it is in the West where gay men are obsessed with physical beauty and youth. It may have to do with the culture: the Greek and Roman cultures emphasized physical beauty and youth (while also respecting old age, purveyor of knowledge and wisdom it was encouraged to impart to young men as was the case in Ancient Greece especially, where pederasty was accepted); while in Asia old age takes precedence over youth. I am talking in general of course. In Christianity people worship a young man on a cross or a Roman soldier, converted to Christianity, represented tied to a tree and pierced with arrows etc…It cannot but have had an effect on the way gay people feel about sex. In Asia, the iconography emphasizes older men with long beards, people of learning and experience. I am still being cruised occasionally by young men and that is very satisfying. This said, the influence of the West in these parts has had a deleterious effect on the mentality of young Asians, even though old age continues to command respect (in Thailand for example young people often bow their heads when passing in front of me which of course is unthinkable in NY, Paris, London or elsewhere in the US and Europe). One more things, Arabs are also quite attracted to older men: the years spent in Coranic schools with older imams and ulemas (where pedophilia is probably rife, just like in Christian boarding schools) have left their mark on many of them. I have been cruised more than once by some handsome Arab men from the Gulf. Apart from that, there are quite a few Internet sites for gerontophiles and I have made some nice encounters online. So there.

@danh736 6 месяцев назад

Interesting video with so many different views and experiences. It's sad that some feel ashamed for being gay and have or had self-hatred. I never felt that way. Most of my friends are all very comfortable with who they are. I'm 67 with friends in their 70's. They like to go out to a club now and then just to socialize. Not for hooking up. I'd rather go for a nice walk in the park than hang out in a bar. Getting old is a gift, just as life is a gift.

@timpipkins5190 6 месяцев назад

I'm dating an older man who isn't wealthy but I am deeply in love with him and am glad I finally met a decent man. I always thought I would be single for the rest of my life because of the superficial culture of the gay world

@keltus_warrior6491 6 месяцев назад

I "came out" in May 1968 with my first partner. I was 24; he was 19. We were a couple for eight years, best of friends until he passed in 1996. I will be 80 next June, 2024., My personal motto has always been that I am and happen to be gay. Not, I am gay and therefore I am. When Chuck, my first, and I became a couple I concluded I would be exactly what I was/am: gay. I built a relatively successful career in the business sector, despite the "whispers". I had a second partner, but he was much too young and I fault myself in part for our relationship failing. The fact is, Chuck was my first love and nothing has compared with that. I still love him today. Better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all. I still love looking at photos of beautiful men, somethng I have experienced since around age 5.

@federicoguzman3929 6 месяцев назад

I am a 56-year-old gay Latin immigrant. I have always created my own gay world. I do not focus on stereotypes or the fashions that exist at the moment. I simply try to have a full life, although I have had AIDS for 33 years. I do not limit myself to anything, but now that I'm already this age, I try to be authentic to myself without trying to attract anyone. When I was young, I always hung out with men older than me, but since I'm older, I wouldn't like to hang out with younger men. In my case, when I was young, maybe I don't feel bad enough to attract people my age but I don't care because I don't care about sex or getting anyone's attention that way, I just love myself just the way I am what they say about me I don't care I have 8 years of being clean from drugs and they have been the happiest 8 years of my life because I am so strong and I am not dependent on another human being to have as much love for me as I have right now!

@Invisableme39 6 месяцев назад

As a gay person, our gay community is the roughest and toxic just like everything else in the world. I am older, rich, and have a loving committed husband of 28 years. We do t have gay friends, all our friends are straight and we keep it that way due to the toxicity in the gay community. We have a loving, healthy normal life and I love it.

@daodejing81 6 месяцев назад

Lovely, so nice to see gay men coming together and discussing a topic of great depth! As I was listening, the thought occurred to me, wouldn't it be wonderful to have gatherings of this nature, locally, around the world. I am 64. I came out while in the military. I ended up leaving religion in 1980, at 20, because of the bigotry and homophobia. It is important to follow one's path in life. More important to me than sex is to come across people of depth. Homosexuality is a gift if you are willing to own it and learn from your adversities and challenges. There is more than this physical dimension. Dive deep! And you will find the treasures of life.

@citroen143 6 месяцев назад

Thanks for mentioning communication and interaction!!!! I wish there were sites where one can still find friends all over the world. Nowadays the socials or whatever they are called (shallowbook, instaego and son) have erased almost everything. Always refreshing to run into men like you! 🙂

@azman210 6 месяцев назад

Congratulations to you for leaving religion.

@citroen143 6 месяцев назад

Thanks for writing "There is more than this physical dimension". If they hadn't erased the gay sites in order to favour the various tik tok, facebook, we could have friends all over the world. We should start exchanging e-mail addresses again. The world can definitely be a better place. We all have to get a move. Fear ends up blinding people. Men like you improve others' days! 🙂

@daodejing81 6 месяцев назад

@azman210 Christianity is a cult, breeding hypocrisy, bigotry and division. It is packaged as Godly, but it is actually quite antichrist in nature. Know thyself.

@daodejing81 6 месяцев назад

@@citroen143 And men like you, Giorgio! Thanks!

@BBQNBLUES 6 месяцев назад

LOVED it !! I'm 68 & 🏳‍🌈GAY 🏳‍🌈 also handicapped (in a wheelchair) so, I no longer 'go out' As you all stated, We feel like intruders when at a Gay Bar. Regarding 'mentoring' I would be wiling but hasn't come up. My Life is a lonely one unfortunately ..

@citroen143 6 месяцев назад

What a beautiful comment! They should allow to exchange e-mail addresses on RU-vid. I do wish you to fill that gap with cheer and beautiful things. Sincerely. Giorgio 🙂

@citroen143 6 месяцев назад

May I support you? I wish you you were not lonely. For all it's worth you are not an intruder here, lean on me. Sincerely Giorgio 🙂

@DonnyNoMarie 3 месяца назад

@bbqnblues I'm around if you want to talk. Hope you are doing well.

@Dave-cv1th 6 месяцев назад

Hope and courage are among our greatest allies, whatever our sexual identity. At 73, I don't see age as a disease. It's a chance to explore and discover and to find our own truth. Best wishes to all.

@gabrielchastain5241 6 месяцев назад

I’m 54 almost 55 in a very small mountain town all alone. My took care of my aging mom who recently took her life at 70 with a pistol facing me. I have no friends got relatives. For last 15 years I put my life on back burner. So I have no partner. I didn’t want or think I would be the last of my family and I don’t to be here anymore I have a pistol I bought specifically to end it. Everyday gets harder to carry on and getting older suffering with long Covid effects with pain life is not enjoyable

@naobe5 6 месяцев назад

55 is still very young...I know it's gonna sound awful (and you definitely need to seek help regarding your mother taking her own life in front of you) but you are now able to write your own story any way you want: move to another city or abroad... you can totally reinvent yourself...a relationship is great but it's not the end of it all...I'm 53 and still have so much too experience, so much projects , things I want to do and God willing I will and so can you! I sincerely hope that you will NOT use that gun and will be able to create and follow your own path!❤

@flenif2247 6 месяцев назад

I'm sorry u had to go through all that. But you are here for a reason. And I would miss u as woukd many others. U sound like a wonderful man. We all go thru bad times. Please stay with us.

@rkeller8141 6 месяцев назад

Gabriel, it gets better, move your body, enjoy others. Move somewhere else, a larger community with more gay folks. Support groups are more abundant in larger communities. Please seek help, your worth it man. I’m 78, came out at 69 after years of brief sexual encounters. I have had one long term relationship, but allowed myself to be used by a meth head, and after 5 years moved elsewhere. Going to meet someone this weekend, met on silver daddy. Yes, still seeking love.

@michaelwhitmire9285 6 месяцев назад

Oh hun every life is worth living ..you have been through a lot..move to elsewhere and create a new adventure ..hugs ..love yourself

@caesarbolchini6465 6 месяцев назад

Yes, I have taken care of both my parents, and wanted to ... I am and only child, I am 70 and in a few months 71 ... I still take care of my Beautiful 93 year old Mom, my extended family, Aunts & Uncles passed, my cousins dislike each other and will not keep in touch ... I came somewhat out at 32, & outed by my boyfriend, and the relationship did not survive. I was very young looking, when I was 43, people thought I was 24 ... I worked hard in my career and also at the gym to create a beautiful body, which, I accomplished, I still look about 55 yo, but I also gained a heart condition, diabetes, chronic migraines headaches from injury in a car accident ... and was pretty ill trying to find Very Specialized Migraine Doctor, which I found ... the medicines, made me gain weight, I lost my body, and had severe stress taking care of my folks, which still is happening ... my house just burned down & is being reconstructed, the one light for me is caring for my Beautiful Mom, I take such great care of her he has lived over 10 years and going because of my care ... I lost contact with all my friends, my family is gone, And, because of my health conditions, I need help caring for her, so I have 24 hour care for her in our home, which is super expensive, this along with so many responsibilities, is where my stress comes in, along with anxieties ... most days I am fine, some days issues dealing my heart & high blood pressure, but, I asked God, to allow to to live long enough to take care of my Mom, then, I will see where I am, and continue the best I can, I do have a upbeat, happy, fun side to myself, but I do have the days where I get scared, but I still try to keep that all to myself, to keep things light and easy in our home ... and I have a great sense of humor that comes out to play everyday ... LOL ... I know, there could come a time, where, the loneliness may visit me and stay a while, and Of course, I do want to get through that, but, I have said, to myself, if things get unbearable, taking my life, could be realized ... and, it is true, who will care about an old gay man, that is straight acting, and now only have straight friends, not many but ones I have made 45 to 50 years ago, but, I do not keep in touch with any of my gay friends, I have no idea where the live now, etc. I just hope God shows me my path to do good, be kind, compassionate, humorous, bring laughter and good cheer to others, give my wisdom, and hope I have friends during the Holidays which I have always loved❤, I am like a little kid when they come ...LOL ... basically, I have probably only had one boyfriend, and it is surprising because people have always told me I was a handsome guy, damn!!! My taste is men, were high, and not understanding the problem with us never connecting, is, they had their own challenges, insecurities, demons, that, they kept secret, but, it took me years, to figure things out, and then forgive myself, etc. ever since, I took care of my parents, I released all of that, and focused on caring for my parents ... which I am still doing, and doing well, with God’s Blessings & Help!!!🎉❤😊. So, I understand, your feeling to take your life, and having no one, etc., I wish I could talk with you, and let you know, you are not alone, sweetie, even, right now texting this message, I have a horrible nervous stomach, edging on some anxiety from writing this, but, just cannot help reaching out to you ... if all of us oldies but goodies could get together in the immediate years to come, we could all be there for one another, and have some hope, for our future paths!!! Take care and God Bless, Always!!!❤🎉😊

@davidyemm7910 7 месяцев назад

Thank you for talking about this.

@dab7963 6 месяцев назад

The gay world has always been about youth good looks and money. If you don't have one or the other you are finished. It's so tragic. It's always been like that. The straight world is similar but not as bad. The only thing that is nice about getting older is the outside voices become less and less important. Those asshole outside voices become almost a whisper. That is very liberating.

@simon5005 6 месяцев назад

I am 68 now, been out since 1982, always been single, and I'm happier now than I've ever been. And I still go out once or twice a week and still have a great time. But I'm not typical, I just learned over the years how to do self-therapy to get me through everything.

@Bazz59 6 месяцев назад

Both myself and my partner of nearly 41 years are in our mid 60's I consider us as "Retro" not "old" we;ve been so lucky with our families and our friends , sure we're developing all sorts of physical afflictions , but by jesus , we had an absolute ball getting this decrepit ...

@Mark-ur2il 6 месяцев назад

And you have each other.

@colegio2239 6 месяцев назад

I just married my husband this past September 12th. I not only came out to my godchildren I invited them to we marriage ceremony; two of the three were against the marriage. My godson supported us and attended. My one granddaughter did not support the marriage stating that it went against her biblical beliefs. It was very hurtful because I devoted many years to helping to raise them, and now I finally pursue my own happiness, they blame shift and make it about them. They were mad because I didn’t tell them sooner about being gay. I had hoped that they would be happy that I am finally happy and found the love of my life! I don’t feel I need to apologize. I have been saying that “the first part of my life I gave to everyone else, the second part of my life should go to me.”

@shitsugane 2 месяца назад

I'm so sorry. I really can't imagine anyone would do this

@nightstalkerck 6 месяцев назад

I turned 61 today, I hated turning 60 last year, it's very strange getting older, i spent my 20's dancing at backstreet Atlanta and the armory. I'm not a depressed person and I guess I'm lucky, but i still hate getting old.

@bobsmith5441 6 месяцев назад

We all do

@salimnasser2945 6 месяцев назад

I also turned 60 this year and it is very odd

@duppyshuman 6 месяцев назад

Thank you and love to everyone who contributed to the making of this documentary. There is something you did not cover: the roll education level, income and wealth play in the lifestyle older gay men live. I'm not well educated and have been limited all my life (by disability) to employment that classifies me as lower middle income. I'm comfortable, not struggling, and far from impoverished or "just surviving". Can you explore this topic in a separate film?

@IronEarthDesigns 6 месяцев назад

Absolutely. You need disposable income to regularly go to bars. When I was younger many gay bars were not welcoming to men of color; as in not getting served, or fetishized if you were not into that. Illness of any kind will affect one's life trajectory.

@duppyshuman 6 месяцев назад

Thanks.@@IronEarthDesigns

@Randy22124 6 месяцев назад

I’m 74. I came out at age 30 in 1980. No sex until then. I had a cousin who was always out. He died during the AIDS epidemic at age 32. I feel like I was cheated out of sex and love during my youth because of the gay discrimination back then which kept me closeted. As with many things, there is a silver lining to many clouds. Because I had no sex when AIDS was rampant is likely the reason I am alive today. Life after 30 was so wonderful that I think it turned out to be a blessing that I didn’t have sex at a younger age. I hope I’ve made sense. Good luck and live every day with gratitude and always look for the silver lining in every cloud ❤

@jeanlouispvt1522 6 месяцев назад

@@Randy22124thanks for sharing such insightful experience.

@juanramos.jr.7948 6 месяцев назад

I am 63 yrs old I lost my husband of 28 yrs to leukemia. I battled with lonliness for 4 yrs after he passed. I am still on very good shape and still get the younger generations attention. I tried one, and decided that changing diapers wasnt for me@ l now have a friend who is 2 yrs older than me and we spend alot of time together, and l like that alot. I found the younger generation are looking for daddies ? Im looking for an equal. The older gay generation needs to stop looking for a fantasy and start looking for a future. I am not afraid of something l have mo control over

@alanblissett9834 6 месяцев назад

I’m 76 and life has never been better been married to my wonderful 30 year old husband for 8 years and we have the best sex life i have ever had ,he is just such a gentleman so loving and considerate,he’s made me a better person

@daylinlott5723 6 месяцев назад

I'm 61 and in the best part of my life. My sex drive vanished, and I don’t miss it. I still have some humanitarian love for some men, but I see this as a focus on what I really want--to love without expectations. I had my flings, and a couple of great and legendary poetic and requited loves. That is what I was supposed to do, when I was young. I don’t see gay life as confined to pairing and mating. We are still people, and people change as they age. I dont look at others with any longing at all, anymore. I look at my work, and my avocations with desire.

@chetyoubetya8565 6 месяцев назад

I think you need some testosterone replacement therapy.

@PiggyFuktoy 6 месяцев назад

I’m 67, last of my family, AIDS since 1979 (diagnosed Spring 1982) … homophobia is still prevalent, it’s a lonely life

@frannynet553 5 месяцев назад

I’m gald that you’re here, you’re a survivor

@artSFCA 6 месяцев назад

I'm 64, Asian mix. Most of my friends died of AIDS and some moved out of San Francisco, just a few left. The only thing I experience as I'm getting older is lonliness (at times). I don't like to going to bars as I get quickly bored, consistantlyI leave in 5-15 minutes due to the younger men in the bars. I'm proud of being gay and surviving the AID and COVID. I try to occupy my time by finding hobbies, traveling and working full time. Attraction-wise I like men my age range, not many are around. As for ageism, I do miss my youth at times but I don't chase after younger men---a waste of time.

@tomatlanta2665 6 месяцев назад

I love Lady Bunny! So articulate! And cute!

@cliftonbowers6376 6 месяцев назад

Thank you ❤😮😊

@vascoemyer 6 месяцев назад

Great viewing, I'm 73 and I never thought about growing old, it snuck up on me! The only thing I miss is my disgustingly robust good health and my youthful physicality so I guess I'm one of the luckier ones because I'm enjoying the winter of my life. All life isn't too shabby at all. Thank you for uploading, I really enjoyed taking a peek into how others consider ageing and homosexuality.

@McAvoy-ft5fg 6 месяцев назад

I'm 75 and it is Just Different.......I do Different and do it differently.

@Ploskkky 6 месяцев назад

Never cared about getting old, as a gay man. But the reason for that is a-typical, as I never had relationships, have always lived alone, and never cared about the so-called gay community.

@FindAReason-mi7go 2 дня назад

In my 20s a friend befriended an older lawyer who was about 55. He told me: "Don't depend on your youth. When you get older the sexual attention goes, and if you want to get old, then think like you are old now."

@jurgenahlers1633 6 месяцев назад

Kudos to producers of this video! I came out, i.e., had a gay relationship after a year of my divorce, in my early 40s. I'm now in my 85th year and immensely in love with a 33 year old man. Sure, we'd probably fit the category of "most unlikely couple," coming from vastly different cultural, national backgrounds We met the old fashioned way: coincidence? synchronicity? I think it's more the latter. He had never dated a man before, only women. But here's the thing: he's passionate about me, I don't dwell on my age. I don't dwell on my being gay - nor does he. I happen to be gay and don't mind sharing it with others if the occasion is appropriate. I lead a very active social life, volunteering in multiple ways to help make it a better world for all ppl, including my seven grandkids. It's true that I never thought I'd have a deeply meaningful relationship again. I was perfectly content being single - excepting an occasional fling. But our paths crossed. There was an uncanny, mutual attraction, and, it's not slowing down. Two quotes I'd like to share: "Love is holding close with open arms." anonymous "The time is out of joint, o cursed spirit! That ever I was born to set it right . . . Nay, come, let’s go together." (Wm. Shakespeare: "Hamlet")

@limolnar 6 месяцев назад

Thank God for this video! Can we have more?

@stephenkolarac5305 6 месяцев назад

It's great to be old and healthy. Old and full of pain is absolutely miserable especially when you are alone

@flenif2247 6 месяцев назад

I've only dated guys my age or older. Idk why younger guys never interested me. They definitely hit on me but they were just besutiful to me - nothing more. AND now I'm old and still like my age or older. I like/love MEN not boys!! Lol

@jemxs 6 месяцев назад

Fantastic conversation!

@wilwhimsey 3 месяца назад

This is great. Thanks. Life has gotten richer with every decade. Yes, you have to let go of some things. But you also gain so much. I am 62 and my life in many respects is more interesting than ever. It is important to take care of yourself - stay active. Be sensible with your finances. Make a habit of kindness and respect for yourself and others, but you craft your life. If you aren't happy, perhaps it is time to focus on something else. Explore your strengths. I don't experience ageism to any particular degree, because I suppose I don't care what folks think. Life is to be enjoyed and the world is full of so many wonderful people.

@MrPEIcanada 6 месяцев назад

As I've gotten older I've felt more and more distant from the gay community. The things that meant being gay are largely gone, the community or gay ghettos are gone or changed to such a degree as to be unrecognizable, the way one meets other gay people has changed. Maybe thats just the natural course of life, things change, you change, time marches on.

@rsmith7912 6 месяцев назад

Totally agree with your sentiments. There's a beautiful song by Nina Simone called 'Everything Must Change' which echoes all that you've said. It's a sad song which might make you cry but it emphasises the point of how EVERYTHING must change, not only this conversation on gay men growing old, but that it's just the way of the universe. Understanding that you're not alone in experiencing life's changes, no matter what the subject, can comfort the sadness we might feel in getting old.

@MrPEIcanada 6 месяцев назад

@@rsmith7912 I'm a big fan of Nina Simone and am familiar with the song, will have to listen to it again.

@dbrxsdgo 6 месяцев назад

Nicely done. More of these please. 😁

@RichardMichaelScott 7 месяцев назад

I love this video. I am an older gay male and I saw hints of myself here and there in those who shared. The music was irritating but I got through that to stay focused on the shares.

@ronaldbell3788 6 месяцев назад

The best outlook is to always be aware that EVERYTHING in this world is ephemeral ( temporary) and youth, health, popularity wealth and everything else ultimately passes

@medavog 6 месяцев назад

super great video!

@dannym7353 Месяц назад

I'm 59 and was raised in the conservative South. Bullied as a teen relentlessly and probably still have ptsd from that. Had a few friends when I was young, but no more. Never lucky enough to have a partner. I am completely alone, and I really wish I hadn't gotten this old. Wish I was dead. I know one day I will be but that can't come soon enough.

@FindAReason-mi7go 2 дня назад

As I headed towards my late 40s, I realized that my career was never what I wanted, and my boss was always defining who I was and what I did, and after 28 years with that company I had the sense of being outside myself (like that old k d lang song). I had lost the two closest friends that I had in the last 10 years, so I just retired and decided to devote myself to music, like I did back in my teens. You just have to keep busy, and be grateful for what social contacts you still have. If you need to take medications then you might need to take them, and get them from the cheapest source that you can.

@Cdntrue4u 4 месяца назад

Thank you for this video. It is very interesting for us older gay men. Just remember to love oneself and embrace your friends and family (if they are accepting).

@seattlejayde 5 месяцев назад

Very well done. Quite informative

@AustenWho 4 месяца назад

Thank you!

@lawrenceharris7369 6 месяцев назад

Perfect show! Wisdom beyond my years so to speak. I’m 61( a little bit in the closet, married to a woman who knows I’m gay). Will bale out of the current situation when our adopted daughter is grown up enough to understand…

@damoncarr6779 6 месяцев назад

So many interesting parallels between our community and the straight community. Huge age differences are just as common in the straight community (usually the man is much older than the women). I am 53 and my partner is 62, but at our current age it’s barely noticeable. But I have always been attracted to older gay men even in my 20’s. There have been changes over the decades we have been together, we aren’t intimate as often (two to three times a week), but that’s ok

@sarahjones-jf4pr 6 месяцев назад

A really touching conversation with Bill Stein and what gorgeous skin at 87yrs! To all the guys that took part in this marvellous observations and advice on offer here Thank-You gentlemen.

@aclem8246 6 месяцев назад

Not all gay people want children so saying that gays will be integrated into family life in future is wrong because most gay people will not be raising kids. Before AIDs there actually was an older gay presence and an actual gay community. That all died off with AIDs and now gay refers to sex primarily and only within 20 to 30 something year olds. Clubs and bars are primarily for young folks where as in the past before AIDs killed off the older generation, there were bars and clubs for all ages of gay people, gay men and lesbians. Dance bars and clubs for the young and more sedate establishments for older folks like the pubs in England that still do a thriving business today. That doesn't really exist anymore. here in the US. The truth is that if you are not raising kids you have more money and more leisure time so you tend to go out more. That is why, in the past, there were establishments for all age groups. It would be nice to see that come back and an actual gay community be reborn. As it is now, older gay people are isolated and alone. I guess you can only be gay in your 20's today and after that you might as well buy a cat and move to the suburbs to spend the rest of your life in solitude. Saying that an older person in a bar today is chasing youth is asinine. They are there because they are looking for community but in the gay world that doesn't exist anymore.

@sidmagoo9866 6 месяцев назад

What a great video, ageism it scared me once

@cesarabreu5542 Месяц назад

I'm 59 and look like 45, but I wouldn't change that, because all the ages I have had enjoyed so much that I don't have any regrets... Now I'm enjoying my 60 and happy for it.

@phil2u48 6 месяцев назад

This is interesting and well organized. I am 75 years old and do not usually go to bars and clubs in the U.S.; they seem to be either for young people who do not want me there, or for intoxicated old farts reminiscing about lost youth. Please! I haven’t been everywhere; there may be great places somewhere. I live part of the year in Mexico and I DO go to bars and clubs there. The culture has a greater respect for men my age and I feel perfectly comfortable. In Mexico City, there are clubs and bars that cater to the younger generation and I wonder..just wonder…if we may be exporting these ageist attitudes via social media. We’ve done a good enough job of exporting our dreadful fast foods; obesity is a terrible health problem there. Nevertheless, I do hope to move there in the next year. There are very good services for older people and very little discrimination against gay people. Edit: Thank you, Dan Savage. I 😊 do not define my existence as a gay old man by the bar scene. But I do find a drink or to at a bar with friendly people, or a table at a club watching rancheros slow dancing, a source of amusement in Mexico.

@NC-qc7wd 3 месяца назад

One observation I would like to make is the absence of older male couples in this setting. As someone who has been in a committed relationship with my husband for 32 years, I can attest to the joy and fulfillment of growing old together. My heart goes out to Don, who sadly lost his partner. Larry, who also had a lifetime partner, brings a wealth of knowledge and insight on the subject of aging. I had the privilege of meeting Larry Kramer while living in NYC and participating in activities with him at AT UP. Sadly, many others are no longer with us. Don Moreland and Dan Savage, have shed light on the rejection faced by older members of the LGBTQ+ community, as we have become more integrated into society and formed families of our own. I also highly value Lark's intuition in seeking out the perspectives of those, like myself, who fought for our rights in the 80s. The conclusion of this film effectively captures the ever-evolving nature of aging and the constant challenges we must face.

@catblue6393 6 месяцев назад

Good video. 👍🏼 ❤

@JoeyNYSDnomad 6 месяцев назад

I was outed in 1990 thankfully! I would have probably ended up in the closet, marrying a woman and both of us would be unhappy. Most of the men my age were wiped out by AIDS the dating pool is small for us. Its not ageism if a 25 year old does not want to sleep with you, so perfectly said. I used to get drunk every time I would go out to a bar. This was NYC in the 90's the height of the gay bar scene. I finally realized this was so unhealthy, no more bars or drinking. That means even smaller dating pool. I haven't dated in years and stopped obsessing over it. Online apps are a complete turn off and younger guys are on the phone all the time. I am old school, dinner dates, movies, travel, no open relationship for me. Build a life outside of the "so called gay community" whatever that means nowadays. Get a career you love, hobbies, enjoy friends and travel.

@appliancetraining 6 месяцев назад

Yeah, I’m thinking I like your way of thinking.

@tyramey1265 6 месяцев назад

I’m 79. Partner is 73 . Been with my partner for 43 years……married for 10. We are retired in Spain. We don’t have friends under 50…..why? We Have nothing in common with them…..and most are rather dull. I have no shame, no guilt, i dont understand this sad debbie downer dude. I could not care less what some 20-somethings think about me! Really? We have more straight friends than gay.

@sanfordpress8943 6 месяцев назад

I will not make excuses for my looks .I Look older than 68 . Too bad. I've been POZ since 1990. I've been thru ups and downs . I'm finally accepting what I am ,who I am .

@blainekindt4531 6 месяцев назад

i have been treated as if i did something wrong by my peers! so much i what has been said here has been my experience as well

@PeterKalivas 4 месяца назад

Lady Bunny is On Point and wise

@michaelmiller1215 6 месяцев назад

TERIFFIC program. But to be honest, I would go back to 1982, when I was thin, had black hair, and guys told me I was cute. I even remember passing someone in the street in Greenwich Village around 1989 who told me I looked like Tom Selleck. Archie and Edith Bunker were right-“Those Were The Days”. Oh well, I’m 64, but my face still hasn’t wrinkled. I guess using over-priced high end department store skin care since my early 20s paid off lol.

@fredc.2503 6 месяцев назад

Very interesting topic, I think the comments below the video are even more interesting. Yes there's ageism in the community, maybe more on the apps than in sex clubs or saunas (I'm talking about Europe). It's probably more difficult for men who are only attracted by young people, they're likely to be rejected.

@IronEarthDesigns 6 месяцев назад

Wow! Dan Savage really?? "You f***** your life up" if you don't have peers or family?" I did not expect this from him. It's not just ageism, it's also an unrealistic beauty standard that affect gay men even when they are young. So if you are looking for a partner, and considered unattractive at 19, your chances of getting a life partner who be with you into your fifties are diminished. Even today, how many gay are still kicked out of their family of origin. There goes not only your immediate family, but your extended family as well. For many people, a major social support as they age. And like with het women, attractiveness not only determines sex partners, but how VALUABLE you are perceived to be socially. I wonder how many young gay men;, but this is true of straight society too, have friends that are visibly older. If you are considered "less than" even access to non-sexual socializing is more difficult because your friends don't gain status from just being with you. And finally, Dan Savage could easily pass for a prematurely gray thirty-something. He should talk to his fat friends of any age, and listen to what they go through.

@Camilodigiorgi 6 месяцев назад

Very moving video. I'm 48 and I never felt the need to open myself to anyone, I think people kind of guessed and sex, bars and clubs were never important to me. I feel my quests for meaning were elsewhere: knowledge, nature, music.. At the age of 46 I got married, something I'd never imagined before. My husband is a romantic hero with whom I see myself aging with. I'm not religious at all, but I wish everyday we both continue healthy and discovering the wonders of life hand in hand. I'm 11 years older than him and I do not wish him to have a burden. I'd say to everyone: focus on things that are essential to life and seek humanism. Enough of letting society divide us with tempting materialism and image. We'll only survive and live fully with solidarity and compassion.

@gregorymcdpachsa 6 месяцев назад

Im 76 last year I won the Sexiest Man on board. Last week I came in second. Not because I am beautiful. I put on a fun show. I am happier than ever as are many of my friends

@SundayBoy72 6 месяцев назад

You all look gorgeous … it’s beauty within

@howardsmithson5918 6 месяцев назад

I the old days there was a song that went nobody loves a fairy over 40 and I think it is valid today. I wasn’t going to see this program but hey I thought it might help, in a way it has , it is the first time in my life that I have truly felt involved in a tv program and yes I am old and very Gay.🇩🇰🏳️‍🌈❤️♥️♥️🏳️‍🌈

@ALEZANDAR 6 месяцев назад

I am 60 and while I am still single ( being pretty much all my life) I have no regrets getting older and alone! do I still long for a love relationship!? yes, but a relationship based on love, emotional support, and spiritual growth. If a prospective date does not meet those requirements I won't bother to pursue anything beyond a friendship. At my old age I expect my love partner to be emotionally stabled, emotionally available, and have a deeper sense of spirituality. In my experience those three qualities are only attainable and much enjoyed as I've gotten older and wiser. Unfortunately all those needs as mentioned lacks in the gay community, and more so in mainstream gay; that are mostly influenced by the gay media and the so called gay leaders. In my experience as an openly gay man for 50 years, most gay men I've met suffer from a lot of low self esteem and self respect; traits very much part of being young, whether you are gay or straight. Who is to blame!? just look at the majority of gay films and gay oriented social medias; most if not all of them are geared towards the gay youth. The older gays are completely and totally forgotten by them; and no, I don't agree that gay loneliness is the fault of the individual. Having said all that, there is hope in the new generation of gay men, in that there is a greater number of them who are engaging in more stabled and long termed relationships then past gay youth generations, who generally had a more liberal view of gay relationships. And I dare say "a greater number" as we still have a long way to view gay relationships on a much deeper level among all generational gaps in our communities.

@MrRichDavid 6 месяцев назад

How sad that some of these people think it is all about age and sex! I am 75 have stayed trim and healthy and active. I am well endowed (thank God) and can go out and still meet guys of all ages and have fun. I also do volunteer work for much older people and that makes me feel younger. There are younger guys who love daddies! Even when I was young I I liked older guys. Maybe that is why younger ones like me now!

@tomsmith1847 9 дней назад

I love men over 70 .If you want to talk let me know

@franksalmeri2843 6 месяцев назад

Palm Springs. Its become a a gay boomer ghetto, we created the Castro and Christopher Street back in the day for ourselves and in the last several years we’ve created Palm Springs. Its gay boomers and younger men who are attracted to us. Stay healthy and connected to each other ❤️

@frannynet553 5 месяцев назад

Too bad it’s not affordable for many

@iwnunn7999 6 месяцев назад

I'm a 65 yo gay man. I was a relatively attractive man in my younger days, probably up thru my 40's. I usually got a good bit of attention and have had several relationships. Alas, time stops for no one so here I am.... Here but not really. I've aged out and have become invisible and as an introvert allowing my charm and wit be my allure is not an option. I still workout but it's to maintain a good quality of life not to turn heads. I struggle to keep the bitterness at bay. It's a bummer but what do u do?

@nlbhaduri 6 месяцев назад

Thank you for this very revealing interview. I believe Mr Stein has it right: we old folks are the wonderful “weeds” that couldn’t be eradicated! We are FREE to be us in whatever form that is!!!

@Scorchy666 6 месяцев назад

19:29 - this is why i've always despised Dan Savage. WHO determines whether a bar is "for 25-year-olds?" It's past time to push back on this institutionalized ageism. This idiotic mindset is precisely why LGBTQ bars are rapidly dying. For starters, younger customers generally do not have a lot of disposable income. I've watched bar culture for decades. They rarely tip, and they hold onto one drink for over an hour because they can't afford another. But hey, you're over 40, so sit at home, Right, Dan?

@JoeyNYSDnomad 5 месяцев назад

I love this topic, aging is difficult for people who are obsessed with sex. When you focus all of your attention on this one thing, you wake up at 60 and realize you accomplished nothing else, no friends, no career, no hobbies just collecting STD's and booty calls.

@GeorgeStar 6 месяцев назад

Death comes to us all; old age comes to the unfortunate.

@lutherlutes7568 6 месяцев назад

Exquisite !!!

@twerkinthecityhuh6340 6 месяцев назад

I was 35-40-ish in the 80's & i lived thru the aids crisis ..... It really doesnt regkect on how i live my life today....i never forget about it but it doesnt drive my life in 2023-24

@thomasceneri867 6 месяцев назад

I’m absolutely amazed at how inconsiderate and dismissive Dan Savage is concerning ageism. It’s really easy to be that way when you’re married and have kids, like he does.

@letmetellyousomething123 4 месяца назад

Oh! get over yourselves guys and girls. We all get old..put your best foot forward and walk the walk like millions have before us. I'm 64 and enjoying my ageing process, bar the aches and pains. Interests outside the whole Gay thing certainly helps.

@MrHmjg 6 месяцев назад

if you have an income and your health that is important!

@johnpowell602 6 месяцев назад

iam 66 my husband is 33 and iam happy I am loved

@andrewstevenjo9621 6 месяцев назад

Gay life is for the young. At about 55, I realized I had emotionally outgrown gay life and no longer center my sexuality in life, (much easier to do as you get older). I think of it as my "2nd liberation." Nothing I enjoy now involves being surrounded by gay men as a prerequisite.

@fransiscocardenas1971 11 дней назад

I know what you mean im already 28 and feel like I can live without sex now

@claymccleery9451 6 месяцев назад

Bitter truth. I've been alone virtually my whole life, and will be seventy on my next birthday. I think the solitude has been healthy, in that I've taken one day at a time, with my head held high, and accepted the aging process. Though I worry about future healthcare facility needs, especially in this painfully ignorant red state in which I reside.

@WTIM-TV13 6 месяцев назад

OMG Iam with ya all Iam 55 and it's just as difficult now as it was in the 80s where vain in denial but will persevere.

@gerardmackay8909 6 месяцев назад

Dan Savage was the first person to say something positive and nailed it about nobody should lend greater credence to what a 22 year old thinks and says than a 62 year old but so many older guys (I turned 60 last year) are almost exclusively drawn to men much younger than themselves so it perpetuates this power imbalance. This imbalance, however, is not universal because cultural differences can be enormous and men with Middle Eastern and South/South East Asian heritage tend, in my experience, to be way less ageist than most (not all) Caucasians, so in a city as multicultural as London, where I lived and worked for many years, I found it possible to have great fun and positive friendship experiences across all age groups. Overall I thought the programme was too nihilistic and, though my own 1990s ‘head turning’ days are now long gone, there are still plenty of positive experiences to be enjoyed and in my early retirement I’m very much still enjoying life.

@PhoenixFit2024 6 месяцев назад

I’ve been with my partner for over 35 years. We were going together and were definitely growing old together. I know I’m lucky to have found the one early in life. But even at 58 (he’s 65) we still have a very active life including sex (open relationship) with guys of all ages. There’s def no shortage of fun guys to play with and make new FWBs. I know this isn’t the same for everyone, but honestly I keep waiting for that day when we’ll just have to give up our sec life, but it’s not happened yet.

@theoriginalbluey 6 месяцев назад

So glad my partner and I are completely the opposite of the stereotype that many talk of here!

@nlbhaduri 6 месяцев назад

Dan, when you define ageism you are mostly correct. Where you are slightly missing something is regarding the subtle changes in an average young person’s attitude that an older person HAS NO VALUE. By this I mean that younger people will ignore your contribution in a conversation about ANYTHING…including a topic in which you may be very well experienced!! You will be excluded from participating in interactions because you don’t LOOK like you would know anything about the topic. Bro, you are not even there yet at 47. Give it 20 more years. Now, I agree with you about being in a “young” bar and blaming everyone there for not being attracted to you…chasing sexual youth is pointless, but I am lamenting the lack of RESPECT handed to the old. Mr Stein has it right….I feel like he has made it through life and grasped the real meaning of it.

@hollyunderwood4729 2 месяца назад

♥️🌞♥️🌞♥️🌞♥️🌞Thank you!

@briandbedford4178 6 месяцев назад

Trent is super!

@joewright6455 6 месяцев назад

I'm 67. Yes, as a young gay - out at 19, there were these old guys that sat at the bar and stayed drunk. And would letch on anyone that walked in. I liked older guys then. I have since changed. I have dated younger, older, same age. I judge a person more on their character. As I get older, my body is changing. Arthritis.

@dmmoctober 6 месяцев назад

We are all ageing - we are all dying as every second goes by … right here, right now … tick tock!

@VonRix 6 месяцев назад

No one is dying. There is no such thing. Just some people are alone and some dead. Here and now one is always either alive or dead. No one is “dying”

@dmmoctober 6 месяцев назад

@@VonRix Please provide a dictionary definition of an existing word to justify your argument here. We're all decaying from the moment we slop out!

@BabyHoolighan 6 месяцев назад

Aging for most Americans is unnpleasant because most Americans are ageists. The few that escape the social disorganization of aging are those that are intellectually gifted enough to rise above aging with style and value, e.g., Fran Lebowitz, Noam Chomsky. Much of the hate energy fueling white grievance is the result growing older and feeling the loss of personal value. Some of the most wonderful people I have ever known aged into unpleasant organisms that needed to be tranquilized before you even said hello. It's just self hate. "I don't like me anymore because I'm old."

@lansesteiner3563 6 месяцев назад

As a 53 year old, my life is over. Ignored. I agree with Dennis

@dab7963 6 месяцев назад

Another thought. Older are thought of in both the straight and gay world as useless and throw aways. What is tragic is the older are wise and experienced however the world does not see the value in someone older. What a true tragedy.