I’m not sure what you were feeling when writing this but this truly sounds like that moment when you realize your mind is frayed beyond repair and you might never feel fully there again..and you just feel so melted and finished and alien to yourself.. basically just too many drugs. If that’s how you felt when writing this you’re not alone in that feeling.
In my own eyes this reminds me of how others normalize extremely disgusting things like suicide, use it as something to get off from people making preferences into a trend and how people can just hurt others so easily I've been hurt so many times that I crave any type of attention i nearly whored myself I'm getting so lonely, but one day it just stopped. I didn't care about anyones sense of approval I just feel at peace now
