Soft White Underbelly interview and portrait of Kay, a fentanyl addict in the Tenderloin in San Francisco. For ad-free, uncensored versions of SWU videos, as well as some exclusive videos please subscribe to: / softwhiteunderbelly
She doesn’t just need to go to rehab or detox. She, and many other addicts, need more than that. They need to learn how to recognize their emotions, how to sit with them and feel them, and how to cope with uncomfortable or intense sensations. Anyone with a traumatic past would benefit from this, but it seems that the hard part is not getting clean but staying clean through the varying emotions that life brings
Yes that’s true . I’ve been clean almost 6 years now and it has been the hardest thing I’ve ever encountered. Yea the withdrawal is horrible but it eventually goes away and your left with your sober self that has ignored everything regarding emotions when you were on drugs … it’s hard , support from my loved ones has been a big part of my sobriety, but your absolutely right … staying clean is the challenge and that will never go away …
I was told once by a monk not to focus on the teacher but focus on the teaching and it’s funny I actually apply it to this situation wether she’s attractive or not doesn’t bother me I come here as a way to deal with my mental health, I’m a former drug addict and I’m in the gym staying healthy and exercising daily and I’m hoping that in the next year I can have my teeth fixed and I can also maybe learn to drive I’m 28 years old and trust me it’s never too late. My dream is to get educated and become a psychologist so I can help people once I’m done helping myself I’ve become some what addicted to it ironically. I still smoke weed on a daily basis but I use it just to calm myself down after all the hard work
I was an opiate addict for close to 15 years. I remember when fentanyl came on the scene vividly. I had been clean for a shore time when I moved back home, and overdosed in my car. My buddy left me to die in my car, stole my wallet, and luckily an old lady saw me passed out with a needle in my arm and saved me. After that basically all my friends have died from overdose one by one, and I kept being saved one way or another. I am three years clean now, and have found the only way for me to stay clean was dedication of my life to Jesus Christ🙌 He saved me from guaranteed death, and most importantly saved my soul.
Mark, you might be interested to know; that watching one hour of your content counts as an hour meeting comparable to an AA meeting , in my intensive outpatient treatment. So your helping addicts in so many ways , very grateful for this and you. Much appreciated, I’ll be signing up for your patreon.
That's so wonderful. I have a family member that says hearing another addict speak truth from the heart makes so much more of a difference than hearing someone sober, especially if they have never suffered addiction talk. He says it gives a sense of peace that he's not alone in the way that he feels, which helps him find motivation to move forward.
I've been clean for 5 years. When I'm having a bad day or wanting something, I always watch these videos. It reminds me how much I have to be thankful for and how far I've come. I'm grateful for these videos as well, I appreciate all the work he's done.
When she said " when your car breaks down and you gotta walk to work, that would be a cool problem to have" we all have so much to be greatful for! Try and remember this AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE
For real! I feel so grateful for my problems considering the past I've led and the struggles others face. I don't know how I'm here and I still have much work to do but damn, I HAVE LIFE
Damn she basically survived an overdose without medical attention. I thought she was gonna say someone came along to help her, she layed in a tent for 2 days and somehow just woke up. Girl that seems like a second chance. Poor thing.
both my first overdoses went just like this, no medical attention, unconscious for 2 to 3 days after seizing and hitting my head on the floor. its the scariest thing ever to not even want to get yourself help, to just lay there and give up. I thought I was going to die and when I closed my eyes I was amazed when I woke up a few days later. Im sober now but live with a lot of mental and physical damage from my addiction. I wish this girl the best. its so heartbreaking.
@@DatPuz same exact thing happened to me on my 18th birthday on what I believed to be THC spray (it obviously wasn’t) I literally slept without waking up at all for 3 days. My mom said I wouldn’t respond to her voice or anything but I was breathing so she knew I was okay. It was insane & strayed me away from EVERYTHING until I turned 22 & fractured my collarbone causing me to be prescribed with Percocet that ruled my world for 8 months I went from 175 to 98 pounds in that time. Got clean for 11 months just to come back to my home town & get what I thought was a Percocet but it was fentanyl (M-30s) which tore my whole world apart. Still struggling to stay sober & I’m now 26. In a methadone program still occasionally using . I HATE it & want to stop so bad however the fear of being sick like I was the first time I got sober (on my own) is what makes me go back 😣💔
I can't imagine being drugged, essentially sexually assaulted all while being underage and then blamed, shamed and bullied at school for your own assault. Its disgusting. I'm so sorry she went through that. It breaks my heart.
Sexually assault and bullying have been around since the stone age!! I know!! I'm a survivor of both! and Rape!! but I'm alive and stronger than I have ever been. We have to teach our younger generation that bullying is wrong and we need to teach our children to respect each other and know when to stay away from people who make you feel bad about yourself.. Teach our children to always talk about what bother them and its up to our elders to listen as well. We will never break the cycle if no one takes the steps to teach our children when they are small. So they are not afraid to come forward when they are feeling bad. I pray she gets the help she needs. our system is really broken and it needs to be fixed!
Went to high school with Kayla. My heart hurts to see her this way. Wish I could just hug all of her pain away. Her mom is one of sweetest ladies. I pray for you Kayla.. you’re such a beautiful girl who has so much potential.
@@mikieger6001 As much as we always want to blame the parents it is her choices that have lead her to use drugs. I live in Chicago and see kids with terrible or no parenting who chose not to partake. It is definitely harder but still a choice. Her Mom can't be with her every minute of the day. If you listen to her in the beginning it seems like school was her initial problem. But we can't judge each other. That's a slippery slope. We are ALL ADDICTED TO SOMETHING.
@@mikieger6001 hard to imagine, but very possible. Sometimes the most loving and supportive home is no match for a person's underlying insecurities, anxiety disorder, abusive or traumatic experiences outside of the home.... This girl talked about sexual abuse (someone took her virginity while she was intoxicated) and subsequent extreme bullying, social marginalisation and humiliation all at school - her mother had nothing to do with that. In fact, a loving parent can sometimes end up loving their child so hard they enable their child's self-destructive behaviour. Sometimes, letting your adult child fall... not being there to catch them... is the only way you can teach them to look before they leap.
As a person in recovery and someone who has been to dark, hopeless places, the fact is women in addiction are systematically used up by other addicts, grifters, abusers and assorted bastards. This girl still has life in her eyes. Please, please someone find her and offer help until she reaches out ...
This might be one of the saddest stories ever told… my heart is in shambles. You are such a beautiful soul, Kay. You deserve everything you have ever hoped for. ❤️
Whatever traumatized her, she isn’t ready to talk about, I hope she can and heal one day. She seems like a sweet girl. Where she is is not a place for her,
Sometimes drug addicts are just drug addicts. NO ONE has “traumatized” them. They traumatized themselves. It’s very easy to blame others for problems that were self inflicted. I was badly addicted to hydrocodone for 12 yrs, it completely ruined (controlled) my life for 15 years so I speak from experience. We all need to remember that drug addicts are extremely good liars. Yes, sexual abuse is way too prevalent, but not all female drug addicts have been sexually, mentally, or physically abused, and some will even lie about it to gain sympathy and divert blame on to someone else for problems that were created by no one but themself.
@@WilliamWBG I'm 70 and I didn't realize I was sexually abused at age 5 until a couple of years ago. We often bury trauma so we can hide from the pain until we're ready to face it.
@@WilliamWBG what do you think “other stuff” meant when she referred to visits with her father. People don’t always speak directly, and abuse sufferers rarely do.
This makes me so damn mad. This young woman has PTSD from being sexually abused as a child and the system ignored her when she was a little girl when they should have rescued her. And now, after they’ve ignored her, they feel they have some right to judge her behavior. We have become a nation of hypocrites and I’m so tired of witnessing it. If we want to see peace in the world and happy people, we could all just spend 15 minutes a day loving an unloved child and that would change the world.
@@zm8447 Where did you get that in this comment? 😳 I am a minority and I didn't read anything in her comment regarding her being white.. just giving love to an unloved child
What makes me mad is how much this story repeats itself and yet how many times do we come across sexual abusers getting a slap on the wrist. If we actually attacked sexual predators with the same energy as we do drug addicts we might hear less of this
As a recovering heroin addict with 6 years sober the hardest thing for me was finding even a shred of self worth to feel even remotely deserving of sobriety. That was the absolute hardest part, to find a way to forgive myself and realize I deserve a better life.
As a recovering heroin addict, I know exactly what you're going through. I was also diagnosed with ADD at a very early age. I have been on medication my whole life for it. There are groups out there that can help you through it. But you CAN do it!
She’s so aware of everything & she takes accountability of everything. You can hear the shame in her voice she wants to be better but already feels she’s failed.
@@JennyT101 No, deep down she knows it was her desition. I can hear it in her voice and see it in her posture that she's embarrassed. She knows she did wrong and shes well aware of the grip ot has on her.
my name is also Kay and I was just texting my friend about dealing with addictions only to log on and see this video. let me be the first person to say this interview has steered me away from continued drug usage. one second at a time.
I’m in recovery from alcoholism. I will have nine months sober next month. It is not easy. I’m was big self medicater . But since going into residential treatment and learning about the disease of addiction it has changed my life. I use to go to Alcoholics Anonymous and just sit there and be a chair warmer. I wouldn’t talk I barely listened I went because my family wanted me to go. It wasn’t until I nearly died that I realized this is a totally preventable disease that can kill you. No I wake up every morning with a choice and I am forever grateful. We do recover.
I’m from Oakland and I can’t imagine how she’s surviving in their streets. The prettier you are the harder they make it for you. I hope she finds her way by realizing that she has so much more to offer the world and the world has so much more to offer her!
@@johnnyparker2128 , How right you are. It shows me what a small world it is, by you leaving your comment. I just got back yesterday from a trip back to the BayArea, visiting family. (Left the state years ago). I wanted to see SF for myself and was shocked (even for me) with how bad it’s become. Even the very rich areas that we pretty much weren’t allowed to play in as children we’re not immuned to the chaos. California is really a beautiful state, but the horrible politicians and their ridiculous policies have really done a number on it. I don’t know if you’re still there and but regardless..... I wish you and yours safety, health, happiness and prosperity! Please take care of yourself.
it isn't too late for her. She is very self-aware, and she is taking accountability. I believe she actually wants to talk about her trauma and should speak to a professional. I wish the best for her.
I’ve been sober for nine yrs this yr. These videos are a powerful reminder of where I could be if I hadn’t chosen treatment and recovery. My ex just recently went back out and it’s been devastating but these videos help me to remember that it’s all ab mental health. He never got treatment and now we are seeing the results of that. Sometimes getting off the drugs isn’t enough. You have to treat the underlying issues otherwise you are always at risk of losing everything you’ve worked for. Thank you for these videos. They really do help people. ❤️
I agree. For me counselling was and continues to be the backbone of sobriety. Kicking drugs was not easy but possible. And once I'd get there all the trauma and all the consequences of my addiction were right there waiting for me. Some people find salvation in the 12 steps and I think that's a valid way of healing a diseased mind. But getting sober is at best the end of one chapter. Learning to live sober is a whole other book.
She's so ashamed she hides as much of her face as possible with her hair. Don't let the shame drown you girl, you deserve to be loved as much as anyone else
Of course she deserves to be loved but an addict should absolutely feel shame. You can’t sense rock bottom when everyone is supporting you. Shame is a necessary element to recovery
I know this girl. We work together at Goodwill. I tried to help her on different occasions. Feel so sorry for her to see someone you know going thru bad times.
As someone who has never struggled with addiction your videos have taught me a lot. I find I have much more empathy for people who do struggle. Thank you for what you do!
"What are you afraid of... killing my mother...her heart." No doubt her mother is heartbroken and in agony every day, worried about her little girl. Helpless to help her.
@@_HimToo I don't know her mother or the particular circumstances, but I do know there are millions of parents of drug addicts who would gladly give up their own life if it would get their child off drugs. They have tried everything, given everything, only to realize they have no control and never will. Until you watch your child slowly kill themself in front of you -- you don't know what suffering really is.
@@mooziet652 Me, too. I'm thinking of collecting stories of moms like us and making a book. I've only just now gotten enough distance to even think of a book. (I'm a professional textbook writer and book developer.) In fact, this comment, right here, is the first time I've written the idea anywhere but in journals. Do you think a book like that might help other mothers? Do you think it could have helped you? Idk if it would have helped me. Idk if anything could have quelled my panic in the face of the fact my son's life was in danger.
My heart breaks. We lost our daughter to Fentanyl. Someone help her quick, you do not have much time. She is dealing with nothing less then 100% pure evil.
@@codiyeager8531 Thank you Codi. I am so sorry about your friend. With Fentanyl, one pill can kill. You do not have to be addicted. Here is a quote from Beasts of the Southern Wild that helped me: “As I stand by the bayou, I watch a ship as she disappears. There, she is gone And we cry for this But she's not gone She's just as real as when she left me And somewhere else other voices are calling out, “Here she comes!” And that is dying.”
@@gregmcdaniel132 that is beautiful. Thank you for sharing.. thankful that we are first spiritual beings living a human existence.. the human existence is the hard part. Sending love.
@@gregmcdaniel132 also yes only one which is why I am confused seeing this is an addiction. My friend died from taking etascy that was laced with Fentayl. I work in the festival scene in harm reduction and offer free drug testing. People are still going to take drugs but this way they know that what they think they are getting is actually that. I've found Fentayl in so many drugs I've tested and everytime the person with it agreed to dump it....
This is so heart wrenching to watch. As a father of two girls I just want to hug her until all her pain is gone, which is - sadly - impossible. Her pain probably spills over to everybody she meets.
This made my heart ache for her, she's such a beautiful soul that's been through more than most people would in 3 life times. I pray she's able to love herself one day sooner rather than later
Damn man, someday these videos will be shown to our youth in schools. What a tragedy our country has become. Beautiful young people totally destroyed by the people around them
Well said!this channel is amazing and hopefully your correct about this being mandatory for kids to see! I know it helps me with my recovery, and if it can help me it can help anyone!
@@sjc7773 me to, if i had access to this kind of info in the 90s,, i could of avoided 15 yeqrs of opioid use, otger drugs, alcohol abuse and ao many other issues in my life
@@alphonsemele6493 I hear you, homie! It's also help's people that dont have addiction issues. It's amazing how much good this channel's is doing as far as helping square people understand the struggle as well! I told my counselor about the channel and she said that another one of her patients had told her (on the same day)she was watching every day like me. My counselor was impressed and now she tells everyone she works with. Good luck out there, and keep your head Up!
@@alphonsemele6493 I hope + pray that youre in a much better place today in your life. Two years after I got *clean + sober* my mom took an "early retirement" ( at 54 ) and she hauled my ass out of NYC. We came to her birthplace in Europe ( where I am still living presently ), and that "move" has literally saved my life. I truly believe it. A good friend of mine had sent me a ticket back in 2005 to go visit him + his family for a few months. The "months" ended up turning into 3 years. I kept bumping into "old friends" who were still chasing the *magic dragon* + still running the streets; ran into "old connections" who were trying to "lure" me back in the game ( dealing ); I had shit being done in front of me, "good friends" OFFERING me shit "free" --- but I had already learned my *life lesson* : Nothing is "free" --- everything comes with a big price, and I had paid mine; I was not about to get caught up in that life again. At the end of 2007, just days before the New Year, I had saved enough money, and bought a ticket back home. It was the best decision I ever made. But --- I'll tell you one thing ( from one ex-drug-addict to another ); there have been many times throughout the years of my "sobriety" where I have "drug dreams" ---- where I'm either getting "high" or "chasing the drug" --- and I wake up in cold sweats. It is on those days that I realise that I will always be a "recovering addict" --- FOREVER. And anyone who believes different, is in danger of *relapsing* . Cause lets be honest: WHO knows HOW long I would have been able to remain "clean + sober" had I stayed in NY longer than I had? There are people out there ( that I knew from my NA meetings ) who had over 26+ years of *sobriety* and they had relapsed over some stupid shit. That could have been me. It could be anyone. Another thing I came to realise regarding *sobriety* is that : ENVIRONMENT is EVERYTHING. I wish you, and anyone battling addiction -- strength + courage ( _and good friends to help you on a daily basis_ ). 🙋
I watch every one of these videos and I legit cried during this one. When she talked about the nice clothes I started literally crying. It’s amazing how we get to watch these videos and see peoples souls and for a moment be a part of someone’s life it’s beyond powerful
This is educational for a lot of people who are narrow minded and don't have any sympathy for addicts and prostitutes, because they've never heard their stories which are heartbreaking. Great work Mark. Take care all off you, from northern England 💖
She seems really really intelligent. Very philosophical. Bullying really damages people, especially those who come from abuse. Lets remind our kids and others NOT to bully or pick on other kids and to speak up for the victims. I hope Kay finds her way to having simple problems, like having no gas in the tank and a normal life 😊💜💜💜
bullies are awful its really sad that they get kicks from beating on others physically or emotionally whats worse is it leads to stories like this when you get older my addiction had a lot to do with bullying i believe ❤️
Mark ive recently started watching your documentary and interviews on different subjects and have been involved in addiction for 35 years now nearly 5 years clean I am grateful for your work and appreciate the lessons I'm getting in dealing with friends still out there your work I'm passing along to others who need help and understand. Thank you for this
please do a follow up with her if possible! id love to know more about her and follow her journey. shes very well spoken and down to earth. Kay, youre such an amazing beautiful woman! times are definitely tough but look at how strong you are. it will take a lot of work and determination but we see it inside of you! Trauma and mental illness are the hardest things to escape from but you can either let them win by destroying you, or you can win by working through the mental struggles. Tell yourself youre beautiful, strong, and deserve peace and happiness every day, if a stranger on the internet can see that then you should definitely learn to see that and put it into practice yourself💜 we love you💕
totally agree-I would like this and like to help her as well but have no idea how to. I hope she reads all these posts-most clearly see how this lady is a good soul who just needs changes and help to deal with her basically bad luck and she can do anything in life she wants. I've watched many videos on this channel over the past year or so and I find this one-the hardest to watch and the most sad
I hope there will be a follow up with her. She seems so intelligent and down to earth. Resilient. I truly hope she can find a way to manage coping with her emotions. I know how hard that could be. Praying she is OK right now.
Holding a stranger to keep warm, that really got to me !!! Than I thought we are all sisters and brothers in Christ and of course that was the Lord we serve ,that sent her this man … to keep warm…What a great GOD we serve…he is still working…. He is the Alpha and Omega !!!! People Praise the Lord and may this girl be free of her drug addiction ☦️☦️✝️🥀🌻🧚🏻♀️
Heart breaking to witness this young woman’s despair and chaos. Beneath the surface lies a beautiful soul who just didn’t have a chance at “normal” and eventually she started “self medicating”. You can tell she is smart and genuine in how she’s giving her life testimony. Another great video from Mark showing the drug epidemic in America.
A very smart & articulate girl with so much personality. I hope someone finds this girl & hope she finds herself so she can experience life as she surely deserves. I don't think anyone would give up on this girl & don't want her to give up on herself. Please do a follow up with her & post it & give us that care about her what we need to contribute to her well being.
In the novel ‘A Scanner Darkly,’ which deals heavily with addiction, there is a line: “In wretched little lives like that, someone must intervene. Or at least mark their sad comings and goings. Mark and if possible permanently record so they'll be remembered. For a better day, later on, when people will understand.” My heart goes out to Kay.
I always like this one -- What does a scanner see? he asked himself. I mean, really see? Into the head? Down into the heart? Does a passive infrared scanner like they used to use or a cube-type holo-scanner like they use these days, the latest thing, see into me - into us - clearly or darkly? I hope it does, he thought, see clearly, because I can't any longer these days see into myself. I see only murk. Murk outside; murk inside. I hope, for everyone's sake, the scanners do better. Because, he thought, if the scanner sees only darkly, the way I myself do, then we are cursed, cursed again and like we have been continually, and we'll wind up dead this way, knowing very little and getting that little fragment wrong too. P. K. Dick
Hey Mark, last night I was counting the good people that I know and you were the 1st person that came into my mind, I'm from Iran and I try to not judge homeless people and try to help them as much as I could even with a sandwich. Thank you for being a good person. YOU ARE CHANGING THE WORLD @Soft White Underbelly
I have to say this is the saddest interview I've seen on this channel and I've seen a lot of them. Several months have passed since this interview and I can't help but wonder if she's alive. I can't imagine the trauma she's experienced before the alcohol and the drugs and even as an adult she's just been used and passed on to the next person. The evil that people do to innocent children will not go unpunished. There is coming a day when God will recompense upon men, measure for measure, the evil that they have done to innocent children.
@@lamachhorne9043 how about allah? And muhammed? Are all 1.9 billion muslims wrong about that part? Are all 1.1 billion hindus wrong about their beliefs?
@@bethanymeade5172 hahaha Christianity is just one of the many beliefs in the history of this earth. It's pretty entitled of you to claim yóúr religion is the right one. Do you also understand that, were you born in, say, Iraq, you were probably born in a family that follows Islam? And you would grow up with Mohammed as your prodigy and not Jesus? It's all mostly based on where you're born and what religion your parents follow
My heart goes out to this young lady. Although I didn’t use drugs nor drank in high school, I understand exactly how she feels. I was miserable & depressed all through school because of all the bullying & the alcoholism in my childhood. So sad what most children & teens go through .😢
And the basis of the basis for most human suffering. Child molestation causes child molestation. I’ve watched multiple parents condemn the molester of their child to rot in jail and burn in hell, and then beg for mercy when that same child gets caught molesting other children years later. Its a constantly flipping coin.
It’s incredible how many cases like this exist in our own backyards. Addiction is usually the end result, but not the cause to explore the drugs in the first place. Having a support system at home as a kid is so important and something a lot of us take for granted.
Love you Kayla, just gonna say the recovery community would love to have you. You're beautiful and amazing and have a lot to offer. Your story helped me, so thank you. I feel you
Depends on what kind of 'recovery community' you mean? Some the the recovery groups i got involved with were seriously damaging to my mental health. I think professionals have to be involved, not just people who have gotten clean / pretend they're in recovery.
Her level of alertness, comprehension, manners, and articulation make her situation even sadder. No one asks or deserves addiction but she just sounds so out of place. Maybe because she's not as lost as the others yet. I hope she can get well. In a perfect world they'd all beat these addictions but unfortunately the world is not perfect.
It's wild how smart some of the junkies I hang out with are. Just because we're hooked on dope doesn't mean we're simple ugly people. Heroin hits people on every level
A lot of people think the solution to overcoming addiction is to just stop taking drugs but the main underlying issue is mental health. Without getting mentally healthy it’s almost impossible for people to overcome addiction. I pray that everyone on this channel finds the help they deserve to better their lives and get healthy ❤️ ** & just to clarify there are MANY reasons people become addicted to drugs, mental health is just one of them. I’m not saying it is impossible to overcome addiction but it is necessary to address the underlying reasons in order to overcome it**
Yes definitely mental health plays a majority of the role in addiction but there is also chemical addiction in that a person can be physically predisposed to addiction at birth based solely on the lack of or the addition of how certain chemicals work in their body . This unfortunately is something not very well known or studied and therefore gets very little attention on how to fix it . In either scenario it’s no joke and I pray for them all . Love to you all 🙏♥️💐
Without a doubt, that's absolutely true. Because it's an unconscious attempt to relieve (often unbearable / overwhelming) inner pain. Summed up in a couple minutes: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-T5sOh4gKPIg.html Fortunately, I know of a lot of people who do understand the core issue and effective solutions for it. I pray along with you they're motivated to seek the right kind of help..
Exactly. Drug abuse is a SYMPTOM, or rather a coping mechanism, for UNDERLYING TRAUMA. No one wakes up and wants to f their life off, drugs start out a a means to be able to stand being in your own skin. When life is unbearable drugs are often used to self medicate, as a means TO try to be present in ones life. But as we know addictions are tough to manage, afford, and keep under control. So then the thing that once seemed to help a person cope takes over and has consequences we all know about. There was a quote I heard once that sticks with me, "heroin can kill the pain , but it causes a whole other kind of suffering." There is stigma that addicts aren't trying. My own addiction undoubtedly stemmed from sheer desperation to be able to handle being present in my own life. I didn't know how to deal with the pain I was in, and gotwas one of many things I tried when the medical/mental health care system continued to fail me. I had NO IDEA how hard I was going to have to fight to fix my life and get where I am today. Long story short, if I didn't have the mother and family support I eventually gained after she went to bat for me REPEATEDLY, I WOULD LIKELY NOT HAVE MADE IT. This is not to discourage anyone who lacks family support, it can be done, I am just go giving credit where it's due. My mother gave me life twice. When she gave birth to me, and when she refused to let me get lost in the darkness. . even when I couldn't see my own light and strength there was hers, and she never, ever let me forget my heart and truth and who I came here to be. 🙏💙
This crushed my heart!! Kay if you're reading this (I doubt you are) you are beautiful, tender hearted and YOU HAVE VALUE!! Value to me and value to God. I don't see a junky or addict. I see a daughter. I hope she gets help and gets the life that she needs to have. She won't live long otherwise. Please seek help from rehabilitation and God
I see this was posted over a year ago and I just got up off my knees praying that she is still alive and recovered. I want so bad to bring her to our small farm and provide for her during rehab and give her the opportunity to stay and work with us for as long as she wanted to. I would even offer her a job working for my company full time forever if it would help her to see her value as a person and keep her from going back into that life.
She has a good heart. What she needs is a dual diagnosis program to address both the trauma she’s survived as well as drug dependency. My prayers go out to her 🙏💕
This is tragic as a father of 3 girls my heart breaks for her, I’ve buried 3 young people just this year from Fentanyl OD it’s no joke! These hard LA streets are no place for a young girl like this, She’s gonna get eaten alive or OD or worse if she don’t do a about face
@@danielk9409 I am everyday. I lost my stepdaughter to mental illness and she took her life on Christmas morning. So to see this lovely soul suffering is difficult. Peace ✌🏼
@@BeeKay4444 sorry for your loss, My boss & long time mentor/friend… Lost his son on Christmas Eve to fentanyl od, All we can do is life 2 the fullest for those that no longer can
She speaks so eloquently and is such a great storyteller. I pray that the tides turn for her really soon and she becomes independent from drugs. I hope she gets a happy ending to her story in life. 🌸💕
This is one of your interviews that I really felt for. This young lady is deeply damaged. This is a good example for those who don't understand some of the addicts that many are quick to judge. You can see she has layers of legit anxiety, depression and self-esteem issues on top of the social issues she's dealt with. Some ppl have mentioned her looks which I don't weigh in on my judgement here. But this is one of those lost children who needs support, you can hear it in her child like way of speaking and shy body languags. God bless her and hope she finds some serious help.
The way she talks, she won’t be around much longer. Doing large amounts of F is a death wish. The trauma is too strong and the streets are too cruel. She needs help, and she needs it immediately in order to continue living. That’s not me being mean, not me being pessimistic, it is me being realistic. We’re not dealt hands equally in this life and she got the short stick. I hope she finds help, I hope she can mend. Unfortunately without a stable home, that may not be possible. Godspeed babe.
Odds are she can be given everything she needs and desires and she would end up right back here. Not to be negative or sound cruel or heartless, but these people can't handle the responsibilities you and I face every day. This is all she knows and unfortunately the path of least resistance in day to day life. It is going to take more strength than least resistance to over come her way of life. I believe this to be the common thread with most of these personalities. Strength or the lack there of.
@@robbygee2539 I see where ur coming from however the guy above only said she needs a home not a normal (average) persons lifestyle and responsibilities, atleast not right away or all at once. He is completely correct as well, when making the decision to finally get clean and to rebuild ur life and relationships you need somewhere safe to actually get some sleep at night (shower,eat,etc) in due time youll learn and heal and start working again and becoming a normal productive member of society. This is speaking from someone with 12 years of EX heroin abuse, homeless, jobless, shit load of legal/finnacial stress, no car, no money, and no hope to live and keep trying. Today Im starting my own business, reacquired my suspended license, own my own car, have a roof over my head, quit smoking cigs and go to the gym 5 days a week. I help others who struggle from time to time and that path to redemption all started with a home to sleep in and a lil encouragement! Dont ever tell people what theyre equipped to handle or limit them cuz truth is they've been thru more than you and some succeed thru all that shit that could have broken you and they do it with a lot less resources help and love than you did. Keep that in mind
@@nerdalieisasleepyhead104 np I just want ppl to succeed and win in life and maybe in sharing my vague shitty drug lifestyle to redemption can give someone a lil hope. Its a long road forsure but it does get better!
I’m proud of you for stopping drinking! That’s something to be proud of! I hope you get the help you need, work through your issues and take this opportunity to heal ! God bless you ❤️
I knew from her first sentence she was traumatized very young. She’s still trapped in her prepubescent years. Her demeanor, voice, and choice of clothes all are that of a 10 year old. All signs of a woman with untreated child abuse. And the fact that she still doesn’t realize her parents were in part complicit. I hope she gets some therapy.
Her friend gave her those clothes, though. A lot of homeless people don’t choose their clothes. Not trying to be captain obvious. I’m just used to seeing a streetwalker friend come back in a long sleeved off-white lace dress like you might wear to a wedding, or even to your wedding. I have also seen what you’re talking about. My mom acted like a kid for a long time, still does in a lot of ways, largely due to abuse. And when I went from the streets to a foster home for a few months, I regressed all the way back to elementary school.
@@heidiho5179 I agree. I had heard that part later. But still she said she had a bag of clothes. Some women on here say they receive bags of clothes and I always think it’s interesting to see what costumes they create with them. For instance the depressed heroin users usually dress in darker clothes, and the street walkers dress in skimpy, very revealing clothes. Kay’s choice of nice white dress with a cardigan worn like a scarf comes off as very school girl-ish. I’m sorry about your mother as well. Ik the curses can be generational I hope everything is okay.
@@marcellomoore9755 Thanks. I’ve still got one foot in the street and the other in online classes, and quit dope in ‘16, and everything else in ‘19. I’m very grateful for an excellent Intensive Outpatient program where the sweetest lady in the world ran my group and basically re-parented us all, which ultimately gave us the skills to nurture ourselves. I hope I can help people like she does!
@@heidiho5179 you're one of the fortunate few who found support that actually resonated with you enough that you were able to begin healing. Drugs, drinking and the street life are all symptoms of deep inner suffering, and a "broken" society that values consumerism over community. I hope you continue to find healing... and purpose.
As a single dad it hurts my heart to see this young lady talk about her addiction, you can hear she is broken hearted about her actions, she fights back tears at several points it sounds like. I hope she gets her life together and can build a new life for herself.
This was one of the most heartbreaking videos ever. Kayla is so smart. To get sober, need rehab, abuse counselling, and away from drug friends. Prayers and hugs to you Kayla.
Kay : you beautiful little lady. God is with you for sure. Heartbreaking. I'm an alcoholic-addict and I force myself to watch this channel because it's good for me. You have no idea just how good this channel is for me. Clean and sober today. With tears and love ~ Amanda (NZ)
Idk. There are kids who shit like this has the opposite effect on. Some of us are just drawn to darkness for some fucked up reason. Like, I probably never would've done dope if I didn't watch intervention
I was the male version of this girl, hit puberty late. Awkward and shy, had mental issues at a young age , and I'm also dealing with addiction rn , we can overcome this!
@paul egan I'm so sry. How long were u clean for? When I start, I gradually end up isolating. Have barely been out of the house in the last week except to get food. I'm a pretty social person, so it kinda goes against who I really am. 😥 but I'm so ready for a fresh start and I'm ready to stop. Like truly ready. I just know its going to be so painful this time I dont wanna put all my business on public here. I value my privacy. I'm going to delete these msgs. But we can continue talking if u want. My email is hmdance2008@gmail.com. I hope I get a msg from u I'll check my inbox:) its always good to talk to someone. Sometimes strangers can be helpful
“Just because I listen to my instinct doesn’t mean that I know everything. I’m not God” she’s come to an understanding that even the smartest people in the world deny.
May the universe heal this child. I hope she makes it out of her addiction and finds her purpose in this world. You are loved and I hope you find the light
@@screamingtrees9619 One day son very soon. I hope you repent and put your trust in Jesus Christ. So sad. Hell is what you want Jesus will give you just that.
Back in the day, when I worked uniformed patrol, I knew 100 girls like her. Contrary to what you might think, patrol cops don't really mess with street girls unless they are making a specific problem. In the ecology of street crime they are the rabbits and not the wolves. I remember this one girl. Just like most of them, she'd fled from somewhere else and had tried to make a go of it in L.A., but L.A. is not kind to novices. She'd already fallen pretty far down the food chain but she didn't look unsalvageable. I pointed her towards Angel's Flight at 3rd and Westlake (Angel's Flight, a program for teenage runaways, is run by the finest human beings I've ever met). I keep an eye out for her. I'd see her from time to time, standing on a street corner doing what hungry girls do. Addiction got her and she started to waste away. She lost her SRO and was living in a lean-to in an alley off of 3rd and Bonnie Brea. I come in for work one night and my Sargent calls me over. He knew I'd been watching her and told me that she'd been prostituting and brought a John back to her lean-to. A passing patrol car saw the John exit the lean-to and as soon as he saw the car, he started running. The Officers figure that if he's running, there's a reason, so they go after him and bring him down. They back track to the lean-to and she's there. He'd strangled her to death. I'd love to tell you that I'd confronted the guy in some big dramatic scene or that justice was somehow served, but I thought it was better if I just stepped away. She was gone and there was nothing more to be done for her. I'm sure I knew her name back then. I don't remember it now.
Thank you for sharing that. I was born with neonatal abstinent withdrawal syndrome (heroin exposed)to a young mother with mental illness and traumatic brain injury. Needless to say, back in the 70s, there were not many resources for either of us. At age 3, my mother lost permanent custody of me. I have some pretty horrible childhood memories. I just wanted to say thank you for looking out for that young girl & pointing her towards Angels Flight. You did more than most people ever did for my mother. She lived in SRO 's like The Frontier , heroin addicted, prostituting for most of her life. She ended up dying at a young age in a board and care for people with severe mental illness. I, too had a rough life as a result of my upbringing and my own poor choices. I am forever grateful for someone much like you, who pointed me towards St. Anne's Maternity Home. It was a saving grace for me as a young woman. Bless you.
@@luvisadogfromhell If you are talking about St. Anne's in L.A. (on Occidental, I think, south of Temple?) my god those Nuns were shameless! We had a problem with Armenians who would sell fruit and vegetables out of the back of their trucks in front of supermarkets on Sunset. The supermarkets complained, saying that they had to get business licences and pay taxes and the vendors weren't being made to. Well, fair enough point. We told the fruit vendors to move to a different location so they weren't competing with the markets, but they refused. They were going to stay in front of the markets where the customers were. We impounded their trucks for vending without a permit. The question arose, what to do with the fruit and veggies? We couldn't hold them as evidence because they'd spoil. So, we gave them to St. Anne's. After we did it a few times those damn Nuns would call us every week with a shopping list, "Can you get lettuce? No more squash, the girls are tired of it..." Cracked me up every time...
Damn I went to high school with her.. she was one of my best friends girlfriend. I hope u get ur life back together and get back to sobriety .. ur in my prayers kay. U can do this girl
I haven't seen her in many many years Im not even sure if her mom lives on the same street right by our old high school it's been so long. But when I'm in town I most definitely will stop by and see if her family know anything or how I could get into contact and reach out ..
I had the same issue looking like a child still going into high-school and guys didn't like me either. That messes up your self esteem bad. I ended up addicted to herion and fetnayl for 10+ years due to a few different traumas. Been sober going on 4 years.
@@hon777 ...people like her? She's still a kid! She's gots lots an lots to learn, and she still has time(hopefully she'll make the right choices, and take advantage of the good things that may come to her) with that said, she'll be forever beautiful. If not, then your comment may have *some* credibility
@@hon777 People like her? She is beautiful and will be beautiful for the rest of her life. Opiates don't make people look haggard, meth and crack do. She just needs something to live for and something and maybe someone to show her there is hope. She is missing a big part of her life somewhere in her heart. I really wish she finds it soon.
It sounds like by wondering at night if something is wrong with her she convinced herself it was true, your mind is insanely powerful & will make or break you depending how you control it. Wishing you the best for your future Kay it's never too late to turn anything around
She was diagnosed with adhd and put on ritalin, I don't think that would have helped what she thought about herself, particularly as she was a child at the time
So many failed this child . Such a beautiful person. Hope you find your true self worth and blossom into that wonderful person you can be …you’ve got to heal first .
My heart goes out to her, and is so heavy after hearing her story. Praying she can come to terms with staying sober one day and learn to manage her emotions in a healthy way, whatever that looks like for her. Second chances can go a long way, don’t give up hope yet ♥️
This story hit home for me. I used to have the same relationship with alcohol as her at the same young age. I never felt comfortable in my own skin until I tried alcohol and when I did I was binge drinking daily, in high school. I graduate high school in 2009 and I thank god that fentanyl was not around then because my life would have ended up just like hers. We need proper long term rehabs for young people like this. The brain is not developed enough at that age to think long term about poor decisions. She deserves a second chance.
These vids have helped me cut back on my drug of choice (codeine) which seems minor compared to these folks' problems. She mentions ADHD--I'm going through the same thing now. A diagnosis and the right treatment has made all the difference. Self-medicating is the norm for untreated ADHD in adulthood. Lack of dopamine causes sensation-seeking & addictive tendencies. Hoping she finds the help & support she needs and DESERVES.
I was going to through my 3rd dui. I would drive down to the city to a drug rehab center where this alcohol counselor worked. During the day he was working with street addicts , mostly heroin . It would always be just the two of us and some nights we wouldn’t even talk about my alcohol problems. He was very well educated and held a doctorate in psychology IIRC. One night he started talking about the patients at this clinic. How a lot of them will never get straight. He said if you put they’re addiction on paper , made a graph it would be filled with highs and lows. During the highs they would be clean/ straight but as soon as something in theyre life got complicated they would start using again. He went on to say that for some people it’s in theyre DNA to be a addict. He said for some of them, they will spend theyre entire life being a addict. Up and down, up and down, Up and down, up and down. I can speak from my abuse of drugs and alcohol for 40 years. I self medicated for a very long time and almost killed myself from a benzo addiction . The bottom line is the only way you get straight is you make the decision to stop, to walk away from it. I should been in a rehab for the benzos but instead did on my own. I made my own rehab plan and I got clean . Like I was saying before, having been through 3 DUI and years of blackouts and hangovers and miles and miles of regrets it has to start with her. Looking at her , listening to her the tone on her voice, she’s high as a motherfucker . I start jonesing when I’m around people like her. Her stoned accent takes me back to a time a like to forget. I feel for her. One day I hope she can get to the place where she turns her back on that life , I really do hope that day comes …
I can’t imagine Mark doesn’t help these ppl out w resources for rehab / detox etc. This girl needs to rescued before it’s too late. It’s not if it’s when it’s gonna happen.
Always walk with God I'm the morning pray and ask God to take over all day. Talk to him all day . Not to yourself . Everything you do talk to god . Not pray all day but talk .Like he's Right there with . When something doesn't go your way think maybe God didn't want it that way .
This might not make sense but every time I see these videos it reminds how lucky I am. I was strung out on heroin after returning home from the military. Call it PTSD or Depression or whatever you want. I simply was a junky. Long story short I went to the VA and got admitted and sent to treatment. No money, no red tape. Just helped me. I realize now how lucky I am to have access to help like that. I hope she gets help. I dont know. We wasted so much money overseas while people are dying here in the streets. Just sucks I guess. Wish we all had access to treatment without having to think about cost or insurance.
Im happy to hear the va worked for you. But we are failing our veterans every day. I have more friends that have died after being home for a while, than actually died overseas.
One thing I have to say that seems really pretty consistent is almost every single person I have watched an interview on as an amazing ability to tell a story or tell their story much better than I could ever I think and I would think they'd feel on the spot sitting on the chair with the camera rolling I mean they seem to speak very fluently well I think they just do it better than me all of them
I like hearing her story. When she said "when the fog lifted" and couldn't deal with her first day emotion etc... I could relate. I numbed myself for years with drugs and alcohol. This is a tough situation to be in. Thank you for sharing.
Mark, what you do is so beyond amazing. I applaud you. In my personal opinion, it seems as though- these younger guys and girls especially- speak to you as they might speak to a therapist or a psychiatrist. You obviously aren’t always able to give responses they may need in regards to what they are saying or going through; but to be heard can do SO MUCH for a persons mental. I love your work so very much and I am grateful I stumbled upon it on Facebook one day. I will never stop watching your videos and praying for the men and women and boys and girls and everything in between in them ❤️ Stay you, Mark. Bless you 💗
I truly feel so sorry for her and every person that has dealt with addiction including the family members that are left to deal with it. People please do not judge these people.
Look at her body language, she is timid, looking down, doesn’t make any eye contact. She admits her mistakes, her and Miranda breaking my hearts. Beautiful souls, so jammed 💔🙏🏻
Addiction is about control and sometimes the only way to alter the unbearable feelings of self-rejection especially if trauma or multiple traumas have been sustained and has left you mired in a set of life circumstances that seems like an unsolvable equation. Also, from my experiences one has to replace an addiction with something that's comparably powerful in altering the perception of present life and self.
Man, you just get the feeling that she is going to die young. I hope and pray that somehow she finds a way out of this. Seems like a sweet tender hearted young lady.
This is why we need public mental health hospitals. Even just public-funded hospitals would suffice. Hell, just having anything above getting meds thrown in your face and handed a $3,000 bill for services in an emergency room would suffice.
