praying for your rainbow baby . HE knows the plans he has for you and your husband. That lil baby is going to be so special so God needs a little more time to work on him or her. You will have a baby soon. Claim it. We love you. Thank you for never giving up.
It's so easy from the outside to say, "keep going! heads up it! will work!" But I know and understand how much strength and courage it takes to act when there doesn't appear to be a single glimpse of hope. Your faith and endurance, your strength in withstanding disappointment and looking for a path despite the darkness are the real miracle. I do genuinely believe that there's one or more rainbow babies in your future. Sending you love from Germany.
I am in that 1% too. The journey is so so difficult and I completely understand how you feel. Lost, confused and exhausted... no clear path and all options on the table - and they all don't feel quite right. I wish I could give you a positive story that would help you. 2017 has been truly awful for me too. I hope you gain more clarity in the coming months. Much love from a stranger on the other side of the world (London) xxx
I'm so sorry you've had such a difficult path too, & that 2017 hasn't been kind. Isn't it just so exhausting on every possible level..?! Wishing you nothing but the best for the coming months & 2018. I pray you get the joy you deserve soon. Always here as a listening ear if you ever need to vent to someone who gets it! Sending love & hugs to you xxx
Its really hard keep talking about the same problems... I get it... Its been a down week or so for me too.... nothing is straightforward. Nothing is simple. No clear path. No easy fixes. I think its also harder because we begin to live in a world that is defined in many ways by our infertility. I realized this week that I'm not doing many of the things I love to do that keep me sane and happy (for many reasons but all leading back to IVF/Infertility) and that doesn't help. I'm determined to get at least *some* of my normal life, pre IVF back... if only infrequently because its not healthy, I think for us to wallow in failure....that's what it feels like to me. I wish I could promise you success and that I knew something to help. I just want to let you know that getting to know you is one thing about this whole process that is wonderful. I know we are both fighters, but its not bad to take a week or so to get perspective and mourn and take time for ourselves. I do feel so hopeful for you. I am glad you are going to try naturally. I have considered it myself... Also hoping these procedures are the key for you. You are a beautiful soul and you deserve motherhood
It certainly is.. I'm sorry you've had such a down week too. Hope this week has been kinder to you! It definitely becomes exhausting & easy to lose yourself in the stress of it all.. Not a healthy way to exist. Aw what beautiful words- thank you! I am also very grateful our paths have crossed. I find you very inspiring & truly hope you get the little miracle you so deserve soon xx
Have been eagerly awaiting for this update. I would give egg/embryo donation some more thought if your don't have any luck with that last embryo you have left and your exhausted with cycles. Its ok for yout doc to say your not there yet but who has money for endless fresh cycles. We have had two failed fresh cycles and terrible results...3 embryos from 21 eggs and nothing past day 3. We are in the middle of egg donation and should be picking out donor next month. I was on letrozole for 6 months and it makes your produce a dew eggs so its suppsoed to up your chances. Hoping and praying that you will get your miracle x
Thank you so much. Yes, we will definitely keep egg donation/embryo adoption in mind. Wishing you all the very best for your upcoming donor cycle! Praying you get your miracle too x
You took the words right out of my mouth. It's disheartening to be coming up to the end of the year without a baby in sight. But we must keep on persevering because it will be worth it in the end. You and Tim continue to be in my thoughts ❤️
I’m sorry you had to postpone the surgery until December. Waiting even more when you already is waiting ( hm that sounds weird but maybe you get what I mean) is hard. it will all fall into place the day when your precious baby is in your arm- I wish so much it’s not long now ✨❤️ I don’t know why but I’ve followed you a long time but rarely leave any mark here, but your story has touched me deeply. I think you are simply amazing, and to put a light on this difficult subject that so many are affected by is very brave and important 🙏🏽 I hope you can get some calm and relaxing time from now on!
Having to postpone surgery was definitely hard- it's always hard putting a hold on things when all you want to do is continue to move forward & get answers. Thank you so much for your super kind words- you're so lovely x
Hun Im so sorry, the anguish and hardship you are going through....I too am in the same situation and identify with you wow it gets so hard at times . Thankyou for your feedback on your journey, as it deff has raised some questions that I will be asking my doctor. Keep strong...positive and believe your time will come. 😃
So good to see an update! I'm going to type as I watch so that I don't get confused. I'm glad it's not likely an autoimmune issue but I would agree that for such a low fertilization rate with ICSI and her response is to say that it could've been human error is just unacceptable. I wonder if clinics track fertilization rates specific to the lab technician? How would you possibly feel good about having the same lab do any future procedures? I can also understand why although she says you're nowhere near ready to consider donor egg/sperm/embryo adoption, it's not exactly comforting when you still have no answers. I think doing a laparoscopy is a great next step and the oil flush sounds promising. You've been able to conceive on your own and so perhaps after the surgery it will happen! I know you don't want to do it, and having done 4 myself I know the gas pain you're talking about, but I always was almost looking forward to it in the hopes of getting some answers as to why we still were pregnant. Try and focus on the information and knowledge that will be gained and ask for good drugs, lol. I wish you could do it sooner. So it will be right before the holidays? We were never successful conceiving on our own but we did lose our daughter at 20 weeks, so I know the fear and trauma that comes with loss and the hesitation to go through another one. As you said, you just have to have faith and trust the journey. I know you don't feel like it right now, but I think you have a good plan for the next few months. Do the surgery, take a break from IVF and just live without that stress for a bit. You just never know, which is also the hardest part. What meds besides the new one she gave you, and supplements/treatments will you do while trying naturally, if any? You guys are always in my prayers and I wish there was more I could say or do, but just know that there are so many people who know what you're feeling and you're not alone. Much love until the next update!
I type my comment as I watch other videos too :) Yes, human error is unacceptable, but when it does happen people need to be made accountable! Exactly- I don't feel confident doing another stim cycle after such a negative experience. A part of me is looking forward to the lap- I so desperately want answers. I'm also a little afraid about what they'll find & just praying we'll get good news. Gosh, 4 lap surgeries! You poor thing.. Really not looking forward to the recovery, but hopefully it'll all be worthwhile. Surgery is 6 weeks away now, so it's not too far. I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your precious baby girl- can't imagine the pain. I'll be continuing to take all of my supplements & vitamins, as well as prednisone, but I'm not sure what days during my cycles I'll start that. Thanks so much for your kind prayers. Sending love x
Oh Celeste. I really really hope that you guys' had luck will run out very soon. This is insane. I think you guys are making the right decision in trying naturally for a little while. Try to take a break from the IVFs and perhaps try to get back to the roots of the whole journey. I know this is easy to say for someone who isn't currently going through what you're going through but sometimes an outside opinion is a breath of fresh air. the holiday season is so close now. Wouldn't it be incredible if you conceived naturally by Christmas?! That's what I'm praying for. 😊 But I couldn't imagine trying IVF during the holidays. A failed IVF is a horrifying thought within itself, but during the holidays that may be even worse. That's the time when we really reconnect with our faith, and gather with friends and family. I think it's the ideal time to recuperate, and perhaps start fresh next year. Don't lose hope. I'm praying your time will come very very soon. And if it happened naturally that would just be incredible.
By insane I mean that your clinic can't seem to get it together btw. I think I should clarify that. That may have sounded wrong. Have you thought about switching clinics?
We have thought about switching clinics.. Not sure I'd feel comfortable doing another IVF stim cycle there after what we've just experienced. We shall see x
I am the 1% too. I found out when I was 30 that my ovarian reserve was closer to a 45 year old. I also have endometriosis and have various immune and implantation issies diagnosed through several tests. I only retrieved 1 mature egg from my first IVF cycle which failed to implant and only retrieved 2 in my second, one ended up fertilizing. That one embryo turned out to be a PGD normal male and was transferred via a medicated FET with stim. Two weeks later it was confirmed I was pregnant. Three months later I had an amnio which confirmed I was having a girl. The male embryo they transferred didnt take and we ended up getting pregnant on our own that same month. I know our stories are different but I was definitely a difficult and rare case. You're not alone, don't give up!
You are such a brave soul for sharing your journey. You and Tim are in my prayers and I’m hopeful rainbow baby is in the near future. Lots of blessings!
I had laparoscopy last year when I had ectopic pregnancy and the gas is the worst! Peppermint tea helped and walking about ward (which I really didn't feel like doing at time but it did help to release the gas) Wishing you all the best in the next step of your journey! I'm just about to go for frozen transfer in the next month x
Yes, isn't it the worst?! I remember being in tears because at the time I had hayfever & every time I sneezed it was excruciatingly painful!! I'll be sure to stock up on the Peppermint tea & walk around as much as possible. Thank you :) Wishing you all the very best for your transfer next month! x
I'm praying it's not Ashermans, and that your right tube is still open! After just having both of these surgeries, my heart sinks knowing you have to have both of these procedures. I'm so hopeful that you wake up to good news after your surgery. All my love and prayers to you guys.
Thanks lovely. I know, i've had both procedures done at the same time end of 2015, so I know how tough recovery can be. Everyone recovers differently though, so I was hoping it would be easier for you! Sorry to hear it's been tough.. Thanks again- I'm so grateful for your support. Sending all my love & prayers to you too
We had our first FET in September and during our TWW I saw your pregnancy test video. We also had a failed FET last month and watching you go threw it as well broke my heart. I appreciate you sharing your journey because I know it is very hard but I admire your strength. I pray you and your husband will have more luck and a successful pregnancy soon. Stay strong and again thank you for sharing with us
Ahhh that gas pain. I had it after my surgery for ruptured ectopic pregnancy. I hope and pray your upcoming experience wont be so bad! Best of luck for your future journey Celeste, I have a good feeling about trying naturally for a while!
being a graduate of the 1% club I totally understand where you are coming from, I really hope that the lap surgery gives you answers, I think that you dealt with some lab issues, I also think you may have some issues going on inside so a Lap is a very very good plan. I am really sorry you have had to deal with all of this. I always have you and Tim in my thoughts I want things to work so badly for you both.
Dear Celeste, I am wondering if it is an option for you to use IMSI method to improve the embryo quality. At first we were skeptic, but we did produce more aa quality 5 day embryos after using IMSI. I had four losses of pregnancy with the last one being 8th week miscarriage. It's very heartbreaking. I can totally relate what you are going through. In four weeks we will have my FET and like you I am feeling lots of ups and downs. Don't lose hope and hang in there. Take a break and keep busy. Lots of good wishes to you.
Thanks very much for your suggestion! I've never actually heard of IMSI before- will be sure to look into it. Wishing you all the luck in the world for your upcoming FET x
Hi Celeste, you are such a trooper. Your time will come to be a mum! I've been doing the vibrational child meditations and I'm finding them very beneficial. Especially for releasing all the pent up hurt that comes with repeat losses. Your FS may not think an auto immune issue was responsible for no implantation on last IVF, but it could explain the miscarriages? Isn't ivf a 50/50 on whether it will implant even if the embryo is tested and all good? I've also had two laps so I know how you feel but like you say if you find something it'll be worth it. My friend got Ashermans after a bad c section. (Her baby was healthy and ok) but She had 8 subsequent losses including a failed IVF with pgs . I recommended her to go to my surgeon who is an endo specialist and he did surgery via a hysterosocy to remove the scar tissue and she went on to have a perfectly healthy little girl! Like you say there is no accountability in the fertility game. The doctor that left her scarred will never know the pain and anguish they caused her and her husband. Wishing you lots baby dust and keep fighting the good fight! The result will be worth it Xx
prayers going your way for your little miracle. put everything in gods hands. i know it has to be so hard. have seen some of your videos and have actually started crying. prayers your way.
Desperately hoping this surgery significantly helps and you very well may fall pregnant naturally. Keep faith💕💕💕 Sending love and support as always xxxx
Also- did you see the article from Braverman about PGS abnormal Embryos being much more viable that perhaps initially considered? It's an interesting (and infuriating) read.
I did. Very interesting, as well as infuriating.. I asked my clinic about the one embryo of mine that was found to be abnormal, wondering if the abnormality might have a chance of rectifying itself, however it wasn't a type of abnormality that would've been able to. Crazy to think how many embryo's have been discarded that could've made perfectly healthy babies...
Tim and Celeste right? But also a super interesting ethical intersection in terms of testing and termination. I'm grateful those are not decisions on policy that fall to me
So sorry you still didn't get any real answers 😔I hope the surgery has some positive outcomes and I hope the break from IVF will help. I think taking a break as hard as it is may be best for you and your body. After 3 miscarriages and not being able to find a reason why and the doctors putting it down to bad luck ( hated being told this) we decided to take a break and did so for 3 years. It took us that long to feel strong enough to face another possible loss. At 37 yrs old and much later than we both would have liked i fell pregnant and we had our beautiful boy now 8yo. Don't give up even if like me it doesn't go the way you hoped or expected. Much love to you and Tim 💜💜💜
Thank you so much. Oh I'm so over having drs put things down to bad luck.. It's so incredibly frustrating! Easy for them to come to that conclusion.. I'm so happy to read you finally got your much deserved beautiful boy. Thank you for giving us hope xx
Have you read 'It starts with the egg' by Rebecca Fett? I found it very useful. My suggestion for you to consider is to do a 3 month cleanse doing gluten, dairy, caffeine, alcohol, refined sugar free along with supplementing with DHEA, Q10, Inositol & perhaps Metformin which helps with egg quality in case the issue is egg quality before trying naturally or doing another ivf round. This was what worked for me after four unsuccessful pregnancies due to what I suspect was egg quality. They think the egg cycle is three-four months so that's why they suggest you do this for at least three months before trying to give the eggs quality time to renew and improve. I also switched to organic face and body products as much as possible, stopped using perfumes/hairspray/nail polish etc, used natural cleaning products around the house. I will never know if this was the reason I went on to have a successful ivf cycle as I fell pregnant from my first ivf PGS cycle but I believe it did help considering I also didn't have trouble conceiving and could hold pregnancies. It was hard to delay trying for three months while I reluctantly followed the doctors advice but so glad I did. I also did acupuncture every fortnight. I so very much want you to fall pregnant and so sorry it's such a hard journey for you - don't give up I believe you will get there. I would seriously consider looking at alternative doctors as I really don't like the sound of someone saying perhaps ivf isn't for you after just one round with her - I think that's a cope out. I went to South Africa for ivf (I live in Hong Kong) and found it relatively cheap and excellent care. I can recommend a doctor if you are interested in exploring this. Wishing you all the best xx
I have read that book- definitely a good read! I have done all of the above, apart from acupuncture every fortnight. Thanks very for sharing everything you did & your experience. Really appreciate it. And I agree with you that my specialist saying maybe IVF isn't for you is a bit of a cop out.. Thanks again xx
I found out from my recent HSG test that both my tubes are blocked so I also may have a laparoscopy procedure performed end of this year. Thank you for sharing your journey, sending you lots of love! xo
I am praying for you constantly. I have had a laparoscipy and it's hurts. Nothing compared to child birth but a little insight. You guys will have a baby no doubt. Keep the faith and prayers all the time!!!!!!!!! xoxox
I'll probably just take the Prednisone when trying naturally to help lower the evelated NK cell levels, & then once I get a positive pregnancy test, I'll do an intralipid infusion. Thank you!
I just wish I could say something to take all your frustration away but i can’t :( .. trust in God he is the one that always can help... praying 🙏🏽 for you ..😘
It seems the doctors are just trying to find excuses to find what's wrong with your body. That must be so damn frustrating!! I wouldn't be surprised if you were angry and hurt on the inside. Sometimes I think about you and I would wonder if things would be different if you had the procedure here in Atlanta, GA in the USA. Or at least I would be considering looking for a different fertility clinic even if its 100 miles away. Some doctors have more knowledge and success rates than others... I hate that fertility issues are expensive. You will be such a good mother BECAUSE of what you're going through and what you have/will be going through to get your sweet daughter or son in your arms.
I hope your surgery goes well and you recover quickly. When I did my first IVF using donor embryos, they had to thaw out SIX embryos to only have two survive thaw. Then I miscarried that pregnancy and other weird issues related to it. Even the doctor there had no idea why they had to thaw that many embryos. I didn't stick around to find out if there was an issue with their lab or not, but I highly suspected there was. Two more fertility clinics later, I got my beautiful rainbow baby (donor egg). I have one more frozen embryo. I also have an autoimmune disease, so it took 3 fertility doctors to actually listen and agree with me that it was a huge issue and I DID get appropriate treatment for it (IVIG would've been next on my list to try if this hadn't worked, but a few other drugs did the trick instead). If you move forward with another IVF, will you consider another fertility clinic?
Yes, I would definitely consider another clinic. I highly suspect the lab was a contributing factor to our strange fertilisation report. I'm so sorry for what you went through- definitely sounds very odd! I'm so happy to read you finally got your rainbow baby. Do you mind me asking what treatment you ended up taking?
I wound up doing donor egg (due to my age and family history of nasty hereditary diseases), but the key was lowering my autoimmune response. I took low dose steroids and a drug that they give to organ transplant patients for a couple of weeks around the transfer. I also took an experimental drug to treat inflammation in my gut (for my specific autoimmune disease, Celiac disease. They are doing trials of this drug for Crohn's disease not far from here, so that's why my doctor suggested it. Who knows if that did anything, I honestly couldn't tell much difference). I took low dose aspirin most of the pregnancy, then the usual estrogen & progesterone. I go back to my GYN next week to see if my body is healed enough to try using my last frozen embryo in the spring. Not sure I'm ready for all the progesterone shots in my butt again!
They also thought I had Asherman's syndrome after my miscarriage, but then thought it was just a uterine infection. I took the methotrexate shot right before the new year 2 years ago since they thought I had an ectopic (and I think I miscarried on my own the week before, it was an odd situation, another reason I left that clinic). In May last year, I had the D&C and my GYN thought I had Asherman's based on what she saw. Then my GYN did a saline ultrasound in June and said it wasn't Asherman's and must've been a uterine infection and the antibiotics I got during the D&C cleared it up. We did the embryo transfer the end of July and that's my rainbow baby.
Thanks for sharing your experience. Wishing you all the very best for your upcoming frozen embryo transfer! Hope the progesterone shots aren't too bad- they look terrifying! My heart goes out to woman who have to do them
You are always in my thoughts, and i hope you get some answers from the laparoscopy to help you get your rainbow baby 🌈🌈 love and hugs to you both xxxx
I won't pretend to know exactly what your journey feels like, I just know that at the end of the journey you'll have a healthy little baby in your arms!!
Since this vlog is already over a week old, I don't know if you'll see this, but I just wanted you to know that I saw your post to Joan and John. So sweet for you to wish the best to someone else while you're hurting with your own situation. Prayers that you will be back in that same situation very soon! So hard to see the possibility of success in someone else when you are still grieving in yours......Thinking of you today and hoping your rainbow baby is even closer than you think!
Celeste I think about you everyday when I say my prayers. There are so many things out of our control and I am sorry if you are having difficulties with the lab. Such a tough journey please know my heart is always open if you ever want to message me. Xxx
Thank you so very much. I consider myself extremely lucky to have crossed paths with someone as special as you. You are honestly such a beautiful soul. Please know I pray for you also xxx
Year after year after year I ended the year wondering why we still had no child...for around 17 years actually. One loss and no more pregnancies. It turns out that for us, no children is what is best, it is what was meant for us and it is only now that I can appreciate that. But you are clearly destined to be parents, you will get there, hopefully sooner than later. I will be heading in for yet another gynae surgery at some point, but not for a child, just because of my ridiculous body and how it works, but no gynae surgery is much fun. Your time is coming, I am so sure it is coming.xx
My heart always aches when I think of all the years of pain you had to endure.. I'm so glad you feel at peace with it all now, but I can't imagine what those years must've been like. Wishing you all the very best for your upcoming surgery.. It's so unfair what some have to go through. Sending love xx
I'm sorry you have to go through these procedures, but I do feel that it is a good idea. She can see so much more of what is going on, and treat whatever she does find. Giving your body a rest from IVF is a good idea as well. I think it will improve your chances later on. Will you be following the immune protocol during your natural cycles? Is your Fertility Specialist still changing offices? If so will she be near by. That could be a good move for you going to a new facility. I am interested to find out why she gave you that medication. I know that in PCOS (which you haven't been diagnosed with) taking Femara or Clomid is believed to help prevent miscarriage. I'm so sorry you are on this journey. No one should have to go through what you have. I do believe you will get your baby though. You have done so much research, advocated for yourself. You are smart, you are strong, you are a fighter, and you have got this!
Yes, I will be following the immune protocol during my natural cycles, however won't do intralipid infusion until I get a positive pregnancy test. My FS has left Monash IVF, however remains in the same office. She has partnered up with another clinic so she can still send her IVF patients somewhere to do their cycles. The clinic she's partnered up with just happens to be my old clinic- the clinic I did my first two IVF cycles with, so I'm not overly keen to go back.. But who knows. I believe the reason for Femera is to help encourage egg maturation, as well as increase your chances of pregnancy by having more than one egg ovulate. Thank you for your kind & encouraging words!
That's good that you will still be following the protocol. I don't blame you for not being excited to go back to your previous clinic. Although, you did have better fertilization at that clinic. So who knows it could be a good thing. Can they do the PGS testing there? (for future cycles). Yes, I was on Clomid for that reason. Originally I was on it day 5-9, and after the two miscarriages and many unsuccessful attempts I switched to day 3-7 to help me to ovulate earlier in the cycle. A short luteal phase (ovulate late in the cycle, can have more trouble conceiving and also can be at more risk for miscarriage. I guess it has some effect on egg quality? I was recently reading an article about how women with PCOS should be on Femera to help prevent miscarriages. Even if they have become pregnant on their own in the past. Edited to day 3-7, I had written day 3-5.
I hope you start to get some answers soon my darling. As you know I had Asherman's and all turned out ok. On a less important note - your make up is gorgeous xx
Tim and Celeste I know we never met in person BUT.. I have experienced only a fraction what you have and I was crushed to bits. You and Tim are incredibly brave! I cant describe desire to see you carrying to a full term. And it will happen. You said in the video that the doctor doesnt think you are there yet with sperm/egg donor. I am not a medical professional but I dont know if she should be so categorical about this. Please dont get me wrong, I also experienced IVF business and I know that apart from helping patients they also need to make money. You are not getting any answers from them, and who knows if you will ever find out anything else. I dont know how you feel about sperm/egg donor. Would you or Tim feel less of a parent? My husband rejected this option but for me it didnt matter back then. In the end we didnt use this option. BTW was Rheseus incompability ruled out?
Thanks again- you're so incredibly lovely to say those things. No, we wouldn't feel less of a parent if we had to go down the egg/sperm donor path. It's obviously a massive decision though, & we're just not sure we're at the point of having to make it yet. Yes, Rheseus incompatibility has been ruled out. Thanks for the suggestion though xx
Fingers crossed for you both I’ve had three miscarriages myself after twins and a single now I’m pregnant for the six time 14 weeks we all wish you a safe a great pregnancy for your next try all the luck in the world
Ask your Dr. To perform an endometrial scratch when he does your surgery. Hoping this message gets to you before your surgery. It's supposed to double your chances for implantation with IVF if you have had recurrent miscarriages due to not implanting and also if trying naturally. BEST of LUCK and BLESSINGS to you and your husband.
I watched a clog on a channel called thisgatherednest and she did embryo adoption and gave birth naturally and has twin baby girls after a few unsuccessful IVFs. Whatever the right option is for you; get some rest
I don't know if you have ever tried taking Myo-Inositol before. It helps with reproductive health and ovarian functions. We had been trying for close to a year with no luck. I took the supplement for less than a month and became pregnant. I'm about 8 weeks now. It is still early and anything can happen but it is worth a shot.
Why don't you try to do IVF in a natural cycle without medications?? I think this the best solution for you. A friend of mine did 12 egg retrivials within a year. She collected 12 eggs and froze them!!!
I wish you all the best for the future and that God will give you a little one. You should do some research on Maca powder, it is ment to help with hormones and help both male and female fertility. I believe that it helped me conceived both times, before that I was unsuccessful with becoming pregnant. Unfortunately my first pregnancy resulted in a miscarriage, but I am 21 weeks now. All the best.
I wish you so much you will finally get the answers you need.. maybe you had the misscarriages because of the hydrosalpinx.. if you really have that.. the removal of the tube that causes it will maybe bring you the baby ;) If i was you i would definitely go for the surgery because if they find something that has to be resolved first, the ICSI might be only money in the wind..
I'm definitely having the surgery- there was never a question of that. I just hope it brings answers & good news. I'm really not looking forward to the recovery side of things, because I know how hard it was last time, but hopefully this time will be easier!
Have the surgery then have a break. You seem exhausted so much has happened and you need time to recharge your battery s. You doctor sounds like she's just fobbing you off and hasn't got any real answers for you. I would try to not think about it too much as it will drive you crazy. Try to relax and take up something to keep your mind off it, surprises happen unexpectedly so this may be your turn. X
