Finnish Dating is Shockingly Different to American #03 

On the spot! As a Swedish filmmaker I had a lunch-meeting with a Finnish producer, hoping to land a job. I was talking pretty much the entire meeting, and when I stopped it was quiet, and the Finn looked stern. After the meeting I felt like a total failure, a babbling clown, I would never get this job. The next week the Finnish producer called me and said" What a great meeting we had last week, lets do this film together" 🤣🤣🤣

I am Estonian. I would like to say that things like avoiding eye-contact with strangers and not saying Hi to random people has nothing to do with being afraid of people. It is just considered polite to leave other people their space, both literally and methaphorically. We are the same in Estonia. And in a public place, like a bus., which was half empty, someone sat in a seat near me and sai Hi, would be considered superweird, even rude. It is about respecting people"s privacy.

If you want to know what makes Finland “happy” you need to look at those societal factors that are present in the comparison. It boils down to a project called Finland as a nation, identity, and borders. This frees people to appreciate things in life because the nation project takes a lot of negatives off the table. You get to level up in the game of life for simple reasons because you will always have a home, food, and basic life guarantees. Your stress level is lower.

The secret of the Nordics is that they love Winter. When winter is 2/3 of the year, you learn to appreciate its simple raw honest quality. Warm weather natives have a hard time with the cold. Not so with Northerners. They have dealt with it from childhood and all have great memories of snowy fun days.

This video is so validating. My mom was a Finnish immigrant to the US, so she and her parents (obviously also Finnish) helped raise me over in the US. Other than my immediate family, I never really had any other Finnish friends or community, so I had no way of knowing how much of my behavior was cultural vs. my individual personality. I'm realizing that many of my behaviors that I thought were from some kind of neurodivergence are actually cultural differences that are considered "weird" in the US. I'm not saying neurodivergence is bad, it's just helpful having an opportunity now to more fully understand and appreciate the culture I was raised in at home. Thank you for the video!

Awesome questions form the interviewer. Not too probing , thoughtful questions about cultural differences. The interviewee was so generous to really be open enough to give honest answer to all questions asked.

I moved to Sweden two years ago and for me it's the same with early spring. With low energy levels after a long winter, I'm longing for warm weather, but it's still cold in March/April and the sunlight is harsh. But when the first warm days arrive, it's an incredible feeling of pure joy and everybody is just happy. :)

Great conversation. Truly appreciate the candid replies and sharing of information! Thank you both.

Thank you for this great conversation, Marina. I work in infrastructure building remotely in Finland. This conversation has given me a lot of valuable information on social norms in that country. Also, it looks like we are Lakeshore neighbors. Keep up the great work!

This was so eye-opening. I attnded collge with fellow student who was from Finland and we were good friends. This made me appreciate so much about the culture and I look forward to visitng Finland and experiencing the culture in person.

Wonderful conversation. I’d love to check out Finland someday.

Happiness is really a state of mind! I think everyone has a different idea of what happiness is!

I like that Varpu is so excited and smiley when she talks about her kids! Varpu wears a ring. Of course she's married to her soul mate. Congrats! I'm glad that Varpu has kids with her current husband but not her ex. Life would be so much easier!

great interview

You both are amazing!! love the podcast!! S2

People don't seem to understand, that this "happiness" index has nothing to do with peoples feelings. 🤡🤡🤡

Amazing interview! Especially about people not doing "small talk" in public. It is quite similar in my country in cities. But in countryside it is quite normal to speak with people. But not so forced like in US, but only if you have something to say. Or simple have a need to share. I also have no idea what "walk of shame" means. But google helped. It exists in CZ language, but only in true meaning. (for example returning to your chair from blackboard when your teacher catches you totally unprepared for exam) But this weird transferred meaning probably exists only in N.Am. And the reason is nicely described in teen movie Eurotrip: "America was discovered by puritans." 🤣

Ive just been to Finland for the first time & fell in love with everything about it. I would love to move there from the UK some day.

The brightest smile I've ever seen😮

I remember during the height of the Hippy era in the tourist town of Jasper Alberta in the Rocky Mountains, there was a summer long free camp that I lived in one summer. There was an adjacent small lake or pond that many hippies "skinny-dipped" in and on the hill above this camp you could see tourists with binoculars trying to "get a peak". I have to say that we were challenging all norms and it was pretty comfortable at the time

I'm half Finnish (in the U.S.) and have always felt bad about my ignorance to Finnish history/culture/language so I've been learning more about the country and its people and the more I learn the more impressed I am. It really does seem to be one of the most advanced and egalitarian societies in the world with a very high standard of living. The military, conscription, and preparedness is admirable to say the least. I'd love to meet such a charming Finnish woman as Varpu. Regarding the Finnish social norms, I feel that Minnesota where I live is similar. Hard to break into those age old friendship groups and being a single man at 48 I find it very, very difficult to meet people, women in particular. Thank you.

Came here to help you reach 1000 subs asap so you can monetise! Love your work, such a rich source of information. I am trying to study in finland next year and i love learning these things about european countries. Thank you for doing what you do.🙏

I used to think I wanted to move somewhere with an actual winter and cold and snow. But the more I walk around today where the sun is shining and my garden is already on its second crop and it's April, I'm not so sure anymore. I'm sure I'll re-read this post in the summer when it's scorching hot outside and wonder what the hell I was thinking.

@datingbeyondborderscast 44:14 The practice of rating people numerically came out of American hyper-commercial pop culture and popularized by a romantic comedy starring Bo Derek titled "10" (1979). I saw the film as a kid and watched the (admittedly appalling) practice of reducing human people to a number gain in popularity in my culture. It's REALLY immature.

I’m a retired American, who’s now living in Ireland. Over the last 40 years, I’ve been in 40 countries and done business in 25 of them, plus been an expat in the Middle East and here the last 8 years. There are pros and cons to every culture. I’ve chosen to live here, so you can probably guess I like Europe. However, I think North American ‘small talk’ gets a bad rap. I’d chose America’s friendliness every day over the stoic culture in much of Europe (we don’t have that as much here in Ireland). The reality is that when you move somewhere that you need to be able to make friends. It’s a HUGE big deal, otherwise you’ll be the loneliest person alive. But you can’t make friends if you are not able to INITIATE a conversation. Sure, many of those conversations wouldn’t lead to deep friendships. That’s OK. However, you have to start somewhere and friendly ‘small talk’ is a great place to start. Plus, I’d rather have a pleasant short conversation with someone than just sit in the corner. It's been shown that this has a positive psychological effect on a person. One thing I like about Ireland is that I can walk many places in town and I know people's names and they know mine. It helps to create a sense of community that would not exist is you didn't have that 'small talk'.

I have been working in Finland for over 6 years and living mostly in Olkiluoto, Rauma, Pori, Turku, Helsinki (with short breaks) and I must confirm that, in general, Finns are closest to "nature" and very nature-oriented (the other nation similar to them is Iceland). We Europeans don't understand their deep connection with nature until we see it up close. I grew up in the countryside, basically I was raised by my grandparents. The father was on foreign contracts, the mother was at work. Together with my grandparents, who ran the farm, so I was also very close to nature every day and can see that. Finns are extremely humble, peaceful and kind. They are quiet and subtle. Women are beautiful (well an example right here), and girls are like from fairytale, and nice and so kind : ) They made much greater impression on me than overrated women from Sweden :P

Nordic countries sound like an introvert's paradise.

I just moved to Lahti from Australia and to me where I am staying here it feels like the countryside. In the country side in Australia when you are walking you usually say hello or smile at anyone who walks past - if you are in your neighbourhood in that town you'll usually even stop for a short chat! I quickly learnt this is not the case here hehe whenever I smile as someone that I walk past they look at me so angrily (probably just their normal face though hehe). It's a bit of a culture shock but I'll keep trying to connect with people :)

i find this vlog helpful when it comes to dating finn😊

Varpu is exceptionally good in putting Finnish culture into words. Looks-wise she actually fits quite well the archetype of a traditional Finnish young woman, or as we say here "Elovena-tyttö" (young woman with a beautiful smile and long blondish hair). Just to let you know, gents, before booking the flight to Helsinki: not all women here are that intelligent, beautiful, open and down-to-earth.

what an advanced society

I love Finnish culture open minded and can adjust

God damn that accent... ❤️‍🔥

I think in Northern America you might ask someone to go out on a coffee/drink to see if you'd like that person. It might be that you end up having just a friendly drink. In Finland, if you ask someone out, there is already the feeling that I like this person. So asking someone out is already telling them that you're interested in them romanticly. That puts a lot of pressure on the asking someone out part. That's why Finns don't date that much. Tinder has had an effect on it though. But even in Tinder people tend to talk untill they're sure that this could be a romantic match, untill meeting.

I moved to Finland from Seattle WA 2 years ago and have a hard time thinking about going back to the USA now. I never planned to stay here more than a year but here I am

thanks for all your finland related content. i will visit in summer to find a lover at the wife carrying contest.

Well the reality is that a lot of men do only date for sex and the only way to know he's genuinely into you and would take care of you and your baby if you got pregnant is by allowing him to prove it first, instead of sleeping with him too soon and then hoping for the best.

Happiness is the very essence of human being, happiness, peace etc. Its not something that comes from outside, it is already inside. Just many ways it expresses itself. The question really is how far are you from your own heart? Are you looking the happiness from this world, outside of yourself?

The American dream is alive in Finland.

This was much better the usual videos in ways. Non much about dating but I loved hearing about the anti-hedonism outside of church.

People not speaking to each other in public, would freak me out. It would make me feel like everyone is secretly plotting to assassinate me.

One key in winter in Finland is definitely getting outside every day. People will be out walking no matter how cold it is... when I've been there? Once for 3 weeks around Christmas...we walked or ski or snowshoe every day. I was fine.. then a year later I was there again and stayed inside for a week. I nearly lost my mind. And I was up in Lapland. Extremely cold and forest as far as u can see

Go to a local bar and just sit by yourself and look cool. No words. You might get someone say to you; I love your atospher

The "games" of "giving" and "getting" sex come from the times women were economically dependant of men and had to secure a husband. Luckily we don´t need that anymore. We both give and get and want equally.

You can tell , Finish lady is not “ woke”. Greetings from Poland . So different from American point of view.

Liked and subbed Thump thump thump goes my heart. ;)

I love the interest you have regarding Finnish people, I have prepared a list of the things that I think is what makes us Finnish as a Finnish man. Check it out and see if you agree or disagree! A quest for you if you will! 1. You dont talk to strangers and avoid eye contact (there is literally no point, only talk to srangers if there is a purpose behind to it, like asking for directions) 2. Finnish people are very honest, you ask how was our day and we tell you excatly how shitty our day was. :D And the older we get, the more negative the response. 3. TAKE YOUR EFFING SHOES OFF. They bring in mostly the germs (think about how much people, spit, cough, piss and shit on the streets for the love of god people) 4. We love simplicity of life, meaning our apartments are small that fit exactly to what a person needs in their life. Also to what we consume. 5. We love nature, manual labour and we love our country to extreme. Our vacation is 4 weeks at our cottages by the lake side, listening to nothing but nature and our kids playing. We also work during our vacations, but that work is liberating kind of work. Meaning woodwork, renovations, cutting grass, chopping wood, fishing etch. And we will defend this lifestyle to the very last man or woman. 6. DARKNESS. We live with it most of our lives so that means coping with it too. And that means drinking alcohol, we drink. A LOT. Or by consuming us with work like, shedding snow or stuff like that. 7. We are rude, tough and aggressive people by nature. My view is that we are closest thing you come to a real viking. Most of us has been in a fight at least once in their life. And all the men and women have scars of that in some form. 8. For some reason, we love CARS. In the mechanical way, there is not many that does not know how to fix a car. 9. Finnish music, as in finnish METAL or ROCK. Our way to express our emotions, if you are in finland during the summer, you want to be at a festival. Preferably at TUSKA festival. 10. Food, our food is still based on our winter war with Russia. It is very simplistic, but refined over the years to be delicious. It might look apalling at first, but it's good!

I'm Norwegian. I had heard that Finnish ladies are cold. She is not! If they are like her I'd like to meet one! Making rules for dating is not a good idea. It should evolve naturally.

It is not nice for you to feel that winter in Finland is a very bad thing. The diversity of the weather is part of the culture, is what makes it more interesting. They don’t “hibernate” in winter, they engage in other activities and take more time with family and friends. 60 days of darkness has its own uniqueness and interests.

She is beautiful a beautiful personality to match. And she’s a country girl. She’s a keeper. I would walk all the way to the end of the world if I knew I could win her heart.

35:51 actual dating discussion

She's an unusually smiley and happy Finn. Most are very quiet. I remember being in an elevator in Sweden, and greeting the Finnish lady that lived above, as I had become used to seeing her. Nothing. Not a smile. Not a response.

lots of business meetings in finland are done in the sauna naked. That is definitely part of the culture,you go in there and you have nothing to hide. so no, it's not really a sexual experience at all....too damn hot in there for a start!

Wow I love Finnish culture compared to even Swedes it is that they have a work life balanace but they are open to foreigners and will talk with them. No personally, I can't just have sex with someone I can't do that. It makes me very uncomfortable to even sleep with a stranger. I find intimacy is very personal and emotional. Also on a note as an American I do not make conversation with strangers in elevators, that is just a no for me. I am open about sex and also not afraid to talk about it too. I think kids need to be comfortable with their bodies and their body functions and to know about the changes they go through and just sex. I don't believe children need to be ignorant about that and I am down for them learning young. Fantastic conversation.

Love making is a game! It should be fun and enjoyable on both and for both. Damn Americans drop this ball every time. Canadian people though are more interpretive.

Thank you Marina for talking to Varpu! I always wanted to find a woman like Varpu to be my wife and the mother of my future kids!

While it happens sometimes I would say at least 90% of the women are not gonna be hitting on a man (might hit them tho lol). It's still expected that the man makes the move. Walk of shame is also still a thing in Finland but it's getting more liberal. The divide between sexes is getting bigger. Young women are getting more liberal and young men more conservative. There has been articles about this in Finnish media too. I expect foreign men to get the best out of this when they visit Finland :D

time stamps?

I find small talk a waste of words specially with a stranger.

I like the Finnish approach to many things, especially the sauna culture. Overall, these are wonderful discussions but it's impossible to compare a country like Finland or Norway who have about 5 million people per country and a largely homogenous history and population to America with 330 Million and a very broad and heterogenous population base, including some Scandinavians. It might be more accurate to compare American States or Regions to other countries. Finnish dating culture sounds like Indiana relationship culture, for example.

Hmmm, I am Portuguese, but I live in the USA right now. Portuguese are definitely a no games culture, very direct and honest, so I am no exception. I also lived in Sweden. I was together with a swede for over 12 years, and my most recent ex is finnish, born in a farm, his family owns a forest in the north of Finland! But he lived in Oulu, and after we met, we were together for 4 years. A lot of games, and not from me. Also a lot of alcohol, so yeah, he was happy in that way, but also a lot of laziness and relying on the government welfare system, not much motivation to be autonomously successful. He only worked a few days a week, a few hours. I don't understand it. But he loved fancy things name brands, and expensive gadgets. Always broke. I am thinking it's not the usual finnish way? Needless to say, I walked away from him. :)

Perhaps it should be considered peaceful rather than a happy country. No one would want to carry the expectation of being happy. What I do like is people take care of their health.

49:47

This was almost too much about how perfect Finland is. Are there really no more downsides than winter depression?

For sure an enchanting woman. But it seems to me she is in a specific privileged position in Finland regarding material ressources, education and the luck of good health and not the rule in that country. F.e. Alcoholism is a significant problem in Finland, and it leads to a range of health and social problems. Finland has one of the highest alcohol consumption rates in the world, with an average of **9.6 liters of pure alcohol per capita. While the Finnish government has taken steps to combat alcoholism, more needs to be done to address this issue. Drinking alone during the winter months is also a common problem in Finland. The long, dark winters can be difficult for many people, and alcohol can be used as a coping mechanism. Drinking alone can lead to feelings of isolation and depression, and it can also increase the risk of developing alcoholism. In recent years, there has been a rise in the number of people who meet online to chat while drunk. This behavior is often referred to as "nettiöverit" or "netti-illat," which translates to "internet hangovers" or "internet evenings" . While this behavior is not unique to Finland, it is a growing concern, as it can lead to social isolation and other problems.

34:53 . I wholeheartedly disagree. Having a career is what gives someone purpose, gratification, sense of accomplishment, and confidence.

Sex: both man and women are involved. In ways it could be better to “wait” it’s important to find out the person. The man being obligated to pay at a restaurant is bad for man don’t forget. Tye men having to initiate everything isn’t fair or the men or women. You need to see the full picture.

Nordics are honest, even in sex. No games, no tricks.

🇿🇦🇿🇦🇿🇦🇿🇦

In North America, some women think that if sex is too early, then they are easy to get, and they are not a 10 anymore. So weird.... Americans get "too weak" vacations.... hahah

I'm finnish lady but I do not understand my own culture.

I like the attitude towards sex

How is it that hard labor falls always on the men but cooking goes both ways,so where is the "equality"?!(feminist soceity). Quite little 5,541m people for the happiest place to be on earth

What's the walk of shame?

The Greek interviewer doesn't understand the Finnish way of living and Finnish values. The nature of her questioning revealed that she wasn't listening to what Varpu was saying. There is more to life than ego, status and conspicuous consumption. Look at their faces throughout the interview. Who looks happier? I think it's fairly obvious. Maybe the Greek lady needs to reassess her approach to happiness. As Varpu said, happiness is found in people and what you do. Happiness is not found in ego, status and material possessions. Be less fake!

Talking and saying nothing...

Совершенно не понятно, почему эта русская девушка косит под финку. зачем?

Varpu @herFinland is an amazing person and I attended one of her courses and it was great 👌🏻🇫🇮💙

Clearly, there is some sexuality in nudity if Varpu is only comfortable in female saunas, unless it is in her little family. I would be interesting to explore non-binary relationships and sexual education across countries. And class divisions in the matters discussed.

Not all these Finnish dating things are better. ONS are not for everyone and for that to normalised is sad.

Maybe it's more of an eastern European thing, this inability to make conversation but the other possibility would be extremely cold climates just naturally make for more reserved personalities. I also thought that it might have been the result of the communist revolution making ppl scared to say something and it would just be safer to be quiet

Also, I understand dumping on the US is a sport in since 1776, but being “unauthentic” on a first date isn’t mutually exclusive to North America ;) I’m single and have dating allllllll over Northern Europe. Having lived there, I’ve seen both parties being puking drunk, just to speak and so they won’t remember how “authentic” they were being. The awkward silence and even physicality after said coffee. Finns, like Norwegians, are extremely awkward, socially, so I’ve seen forced conversation in the beginning, then saw the deafening silence, the sheltered, aloofness come forward until one party either cheats, take a work leave, get on meds and battle the demons of loneliness. I’ve seen the binge drinking, the consideration of takings ones life, joining neo Nazis (huge issue there now 😊 ) out of loneliness etc… Again, these are the things they like to point out in others, but don’t like to mention for themselves. That man in the mirror is painful when he looks back. Finnish men and women cheat too, can be abusive when drunk (I’ve had to intervene in 3 diff couples), which is often, and tend to emotionally stunt children with said aloofness and lack of affection. It’s fascinating once you see behind the gilded curtain, which I feel is going on here. There is a lot more depression that they’d like to admit either, especially considering how awful mental health assistance is to get there. “Paracetamol and hikes cure all!” -Nordic Doctors Again, if all you know of America is from Gunsmoke, Bonanza or Friends or Yellowstone, then you’re 100% failing yourselves. It’s also not the norm to go to expensive restaurants in a full tux or suit lol. No one does that. We go for ice cream, coffee or *gasp* walks in the park, lake or a mall, which I know doesn’t fit those the tropes y’all love.

I was disappointed dating pros cons / Finland is better where you live chat :/ only being for women. Ignoring the male perspective :(

I've seen a preview clip of this interview/pod. Not interested in watching because I, as a Christian, think it promotes hedonism and immoral behaviour.

No gender roles ? Antiscientific. I'm out

the blonde is a 7 :) , so they are shy by their culture .. its not a stick up their .... , good they should relax a bit tho XD , only dated 3 guys ... wtf thats almost zero experience .. she will never know if she found the best of the best ... lazy aproach imo .

ya'll laugh too much...typical of women child like laughter

Sex before or outside marriage poses serious risk of disease and pregnancy, and makes physical intimancy cheap and meaningless.

"She's a 10, she's a 7" ...Society is gone so wrong. How could you possibly define the immensity of human beings with a number from 1-10.

What the finish like : muslims and africans 😅😅😅😅😅😅😅