Love that you're vocalizing those ED thoughts. I have a real spirit of lack: never want to spend money on food, never buy myself "nice" things, etc. Two things I've been rationing lately are my Blessed salted caramel protein powder and my Fatso salted caramel peanut butter because I know they're expensive - even though someone else bought them for me! Fuck all this. We live one time. Drink the juice. Eat the peanut butter off a spoon straight from the jar. with love from London Ontario